 Your coca-cola bottler presents, Claudia, based on the famous play and novels by Rose Franken. Brought to you transcribed Monday through Friday by your friendly neighbor who bottles coca-cola. Relax, and while you're listening, refresh yourself. Have a Coke! And now, Claudia. Oh, come on. I have another cup of coffee, Roger. Yeah, come on, Roger. I have one. I didn't realize you were left-handed, Roger. Left-handed? I am not left-handed. You must be, even if you don't know it. You're holding your coffee cup in your left hand. Oh, that. It's not a choice, and it is awkward. Your right arm's out of commission, is that it? Just slightly. That's why you were tossing around and not sleeping, as you said. Go to the head of the class, David. Well, what is the matter with your arm, Roger? Touch of the rightist. And that's all we're going to say about it. Not another word. Your rightist, eh? Since when? I must have gotten into a draft or something. I haven't seen a doctor yet, Roger. I haven't had a chance. Just came over me. Well, maybe it's not an rightist. What else could it be? Maybe you slept on your arm wrong, or something. Claudia, incompetent as I may be in many ways. I don't usually go around sleeping on my arm wrong. Well, I guess you don't, or you'd have known it before. Well, look, Roger, I don't pretend to be a doctor, but maybe Claudia's right in it. Isn't your rightist? Hmm, suggest something pleasant there? Well, what I mean is it may be immobilizing you on that way, and keeping your hand in your pocket is just the wrong thing for it. Yes, it might be. If it isn't your rightist, maybe you ought to even use it. It's more comfortable this way. Well, I know it's more comfortable. Look, David, just one more word before we close this subject forever. I am not a weakling. Neither am I an ancient. Nevertheless, my constitution is such that I am constantly plagued with ills of various natures. Having ascertained that I am not a happy country act, that's a person who always thinks he's sick and isn't done. I know what a hypo-hypo-hypo thing to do. You seem to. I have made a business of not feeling well more comfortably than any other man I have ever known. Oh, look, it's a beautiful day, Roger. And that's all we're going to say about it. It's a very lovely day, and the sun is warm. Well, good for the sun. Now, I tell you what, I have to go up to the barn and I'll give Fritz a hand with a few things up there, and you can come along and watch. I do not want to go with you. I'm going to stay right here and pamper myself to my heart's content. You run along, David. Oh, it's such a beautiful day, too. It seems a shame to waste it in the living room, Roger. Each to his own. Well, I think that taking a walk can make you feel like a new man, Roger. But would that be any improvement? David, you take him. He's hopeless. Now, look, seriously, Roger. All right. Anything to prevent a lecture. I shall take a walk. I don't believe it. A small walk. I'm not coming up to the barn with you to break my back in labor, but I shall take a walk. Have a nice trip? I know I won't feel any better for it. I know that this is probably the worst thing for minor writers. I know I shall forget and regret this, but I will take a small... Oh, there, friend. Tucker here. Oh, Mr. Tucker. Hello. Mr. Yamblin, Mr. Killian. No place special. Then you are Yamblin for sure. Is that an ax you're holding in your hand, Mr. Tucker? An ax, it be, friend. I'm chopping up some firewood, I am. Your chopping wood? You don't think I'm going to hire a man at a dollar an hour to chop it for me, do you? Well, it seems to me you're... As for hired help, it's more work than doing it yourself. Got to see how they earn their pay. No, I chop it myself, I do. But isn't it a little late for you to be... Well, this ain't the first I chopped this season. Ain't that? But my wood bin's running low and there's a smell of snow not far off. Side-jaw's itching to work up a good sweat. Nothing like it to make a man feel less in his age. Not that his age has anything to do with the way he feels. No. Much. What's that you're saying? Stop whispering there. Are you aiming to make me feel deep? Some folks is so cussed, mean that whispers those in the man will think he went and lost his hearing. But I didn't say anything. You haven't given me the chance to say anything. Anything special you wanted to say? No, but... Well then, what are you beefing about? But I... Some folks always complaining. I hold a conversation with them, all they do is complain. I give up. Yeah, I had a couple hours between feeding the pigs and milking the cows and reparting in for lunch, so I set my hand to chopping wood. Hey, what's the matter? Why the funny look onto your face? There ain't nothing humiliating about a man chopping his own wood to your way of thinking, is there? On the contrary, Mr. Tucker, I was only standing here my jaw dropping in admiration of your vitality. Sure is a highfalutin' sentence. I take it you're meanin' to the man of my age don't usually go around choppin' his own wood, hey? Is it wise? Is it healthy? Well, sure is wise. Saves me a pretty penny. That's for it bein' healthy. There ain't nothin' like a bit of exercise to set your blood to flowin' through your veins. And just so that it doesn't overflow. Nope, I wouldn't say that any man ever heard himself by bendin' the muscle. Matter of fact, he most men get carried off to their graves without their having used up even a half of their stamina and their muscle. I've always thought by the time a man gets carried off to his grave, he'd used himself up completely. Oh, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a fallacious idea, that is. Most people even die with a pool set of teeth into their heads, pools. They ain't had sense to wear out their uppers and lowers. Well, that's a new way of looking at it. Well, lots of folks get their cells buried when they can hear and see just about as good as it cold. Now, I'm asking you, Mr. Killian. There's an architect, that is. Ain't that a waste of perfectly good apparatus? I hadn't thought of it like this before. Yeah, you won't catch Jared Tucker makin' that mistake. No, sir, you won't. When I get carried off to be planted beneath the petunias, won't be buried nothin' worth more than about five cents. That's an ambition worth working for, I must say. Already used up my teeth. Yeah, I'll warm right down to the nub before I let the medico pull him out. Now I'm gettin' shows he can't see, so go down to my left eye. Right one's just as sharp as a fox, though. And as for me here, there ain't no rooster crowin' in the mornin' far up his bridge part. It don't wake me up. Then according to your plan, Mr. Tucker, you have a great many years and parts left to work your way through. Oh, I'm only 86. Some folks like to make up stories, say, I got one foot closer to 95, but that's just a lot of hogwash. I ain't a day older than 86. I ain't a day younger either. And I dare say you'll still be chopping wood at 90. Darn tootin' a will. I wish that I had your conceit and some of your muscles. Well, you'll never have any muscle if you just stand around talkin' about it, except the muscles in your jaws. I'm afraid convictions must come first. Well, then, man, convict yourself. Convict yourself. Here's Max. Your axe? Well, what do I want with your axe? There's a wood pile. Start choppin'. You mean eyes would chop the wood? It was just sayin' you would like to follow my example. Matter of fact, them what does like Tucker does does right. Couple with you, Mr. Killian. You've been an architech too long. Time you stopped tellin' folks what to do and started doin' them yourself. Now, you grab the axe like so. But I don't want to grab the axe. Your wantin' ain't got nothin' to do with it. Grab it, I say. I wouldn't even be able to lift it up. The grandpappy died when it was 96. So? He died choppin' wood. That's a pleasant thought for a man who's about to hold his first axe. He don't have any ambition to live until you're 96, do ya? Yes, but not to die now, choppin' wood. Grab the axe. Grab the axe. Enough of this here, pal of it. But, Mr. Tucker, let me explain to you. I can hardly take my right arm out of my pocket. I have a very severe case of neuritis. Neuritis is boulder-dash. That's what it is. It may be boulder-dash to you, but it ain't in the neck to me. Exercise, son, exercise, it's a cure of all ills. If you got a cold, you blow your nose and exercise it. Right out of your system, it's the same principle. I am not convinced. I'm guaranteeing you, man, if you set your blood a-movin' faster than a turtle crawling through a hedge, you'll feel as if you've been rescued from the dead. Walkin' round pampering yourself like this, you ain't no better in a warm corpse. These compliments, Mr. Tucker, are quite turning my head. Think nothin' of it, son. I'm a free man with words. Don't cost me a thing. Now, I ain't gonna plead with you. It's for your own good. If you've got any sense, you'll do just as I say. Don't you think I'm a good specimen of a man, Freddy Six, eh? Well, I've never seen a fitter. As a matter of fact, your energy is one of the things that speaks louder than your words. I'm half-dempted. Oh, but no, it's ridiculous. I could no more lift this axe. You don't grab hold of it. It's gonna drop on your toe and chop it clean off. All right, give it here. I'll try and... Oh, good lord, it weighs a ton. You're holding it fine. Now, swing it up over your shoulder. Swing this thing up. Correct. Heave-ho. Oh! And down it comes on this earlobe. Ah! Ah! Ha-ha. That wasn't too bad. Now, lift it up. Ah! And down it comes. Ah! Lift it up. Ah! Down it comes. I'll be gall-danged if you ain't a wood-shopper to heart. Hey, David, come over here a second. I wonder what could have happened to Roger. I don't know. He left the house for a short walk over an hour ago. You just suppose he's taken sick or something, do you? No, no, no. That's absurd. Well, he wasn't feeling well before he left, remember? Don't let a little new ride us in his right arm. He'll be back. I'm not going to worry about it. Much. You know, you've been staring out of that open window for ten minutes. It's just that it isn't like Roger that takes such a long walk. If there's anything he hates, it's exercise. He's sweet. He reminds me of a cauliflower. Sort of white and... Killian, here. Open the door. The door's open. I'm back. Come on in. Where on earth have you been, man? I've been working on the railroad just down the roadway. To look at you and hear you, I'd say you found a tavern down the roadway. Not a bit of it. Oh, it's a glorious morning. I feel like a new man. And I must say you certainly look like a new man. Your face is flushed. Your hair is all tuzzled. You look bursting with energy. I was. Oh, let me sit down. Right here. Well, what on earth have you been doing? Oh, nothing much. Listen, how's your arm, Roger? Well, it's pretty sore on my shoulder, but a good help, they saw it. Now, look, Roger, there's more to this than meets the eye, so come on, come on, confess. Come on, tell me, what have you been up to? I have been chopping wood. You have been what? I showed that Mr. Tucker a few things about chopping wood. I think I better sit down, too, David. Yes, I'm sold on it. Mr. Tucker has me sold on it. So do you are on what? Chopping wood. But you are. I thought you had new writers. You could hardly lift your cup of coffee this morning. You're right. I had no writers. I could hardly lift my coffee cup, so I lifted an axe instead. Well, how's your arm now? I notice it's still in your pocket. It's excruciatingly painful. I can hardly move it, but it's wonderful. No, no, it's wonderful, is it? Well, just tell me here and now exactly what is so wonderful about it. Don't you see, David, instead of the writers, I have a Charlie horse. Charlie horse? Yes. There's nothing healthier than a Charlie horse. And I'll be gall-dinged if I ain't sold on this outdoor life. You ought to try it. I ought, you don't say. Well, I'll be. I will be gall-dinged. When the man of the house reports the busy details of his day, doesn't it sometimes occur to you that yours could match it? As you go about your many chores, why not stop once in a while the pause that refreshes with ice-cold Coca-Cola? Delicious sparkling Coke helps you work refreshed, no matter what you're doing. Hold on there a moment, Mr. King. Why, certainly, Mr. Tucker, what's on your mind? That's Mr. Killian. Did he find his way home all right? Not only his way home, but his way to bed. It felt all right, though, wasn't it? Marvelously, marvelously exhausted and aching. He'll feel worse tomorrow, but the next day, busting with health. He ain't much of a wood-shopper. He's a city man right down to his shoe-tops. He ain't a bad sort, though. No, he ain't. Well, Claudia and David are very fond of him, you know. Well, their judgment's just about as good as mine, usually. As a matter of fact, Mr. Tucker, on Monday, as plans are being made for the Norton Thanksgiving dinner, we'll see just how good their judgment is. About the dinner? And about Roger Killian, too. I'll be around, but for the present, I've got to get back to my wood. No, no, thanks. I don't need any medicine. I'm feeling fine right now, and all I want to say in addition to this is that every day, Monday through Friday, Claudia comes to you transcribed with the best wishes of your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola. So listen again Monday at the same time. And now this is Joe King saying, Orivoire, and remember, whoever you are, whatever you do, wherever you may be, when you think of refreshment, think of Coca-Cola. For Coca-Cola makes any pause the pause that refreshes, and ice-cold Coca-Cola is everywhere. The parts of Claudia and David on this program were played by Catherine Bard and Paul Crabtree, and the entire production is supervised and directed by William Brown Maloney. And now here's a word from your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola.