 Good health to all from Rexall. It's the Phil Harris Alice Fay show presented by the makers of Rexall drug products and 10,000 independent Rexall family drugists. Good evening. This is your Rexall family drugists. Welcoming you for the 10,000 independent drugists who have added the word Rexall to their own store names. You know us by the orange and blue Rexall sign on our windows. The sign means that we carry the 2,000 or more drug products made by the Rexall drug company. Each one scientifically compounded to do a job for you. Take Rexall's famous mouthwash, MI-31 as an example. MI-31 is the designation of a special antiseptic formula that kills contacted germs in a matter of seconds when used full strength. Yet will not harm delicate membranes of the mouth and throat. Uncompromising quality like this is what we family drugists are talking about and we tell you, you can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall. Good health to all from Rexall. And now your Rexall family drugists bring you the Phil Harris Alice Fay show. Written by racing or in Dick Chevrolet with Elliot Lewis, Walter Tetley, Robert North, Janine Ruse and Whitfield, Walter Sharf and his music, yours truly Bill Foreman and starring Alice Fay and Phil Harris. Recently, we have seen the revival of many fads that were popular 20 years ago, such as the square dance, long skirts, short hair and now the ukulele. It's been a windfall for Frankie Remley as he's an expert on the uke and has been giving lessons to all the youngsters in town. Now look, I've been teaching you this tune for three weeks. Now try once more and this time get it right. One, two. No, no, no. It is not too high. Then why is your nose bleeding? What do you mean I haven't got it right? Are you gonna try to tell me how to play the ukulele? That's my business. By 20 years ago, I was the rage of Nashville, Tennessee. I was known as Yuki Harris. Ah, those were the happy days. I'll never forget my theme song. Egypt must be heaven, cause my mommy came from there. Or, or, pull up the awning mother, daddy's leading a shady life. Or, or, yeah, I know. Let's take it easy, flaming youth. We don't play it that way nowadays. Oh, what do you know? Hey, Alice, honey. How'd you like the way I did the tune? Oh, I thought it was the cat's pajamas. Are you through with your lessons, strumming Sam? Yes, I'm through. Good. Now take off your blazer and I'll hang it up with your raccoon coat. What are you fellas trying to prove with these ukulele lessons? It's a fad with the teenagers. Yeah, all us kids are taking it up. Kids, you too, are kids. Of course, a guy's no older than he feels. Inside, where it counts, we're young. Where it shows, you're old. You can tell things in your time, but don't you think this is overdoing it a little, taking up the ukulele at your age? What's the matter with that? I don't see nothing wrong with it. Oh, you don't see anything? Oh, Phil, how stupid can a grown man get? Good morning, Philip. I give you exhibit A. Oh, Francis, I'm glad you're here. Maybe you can help me with a song I'm learning to play on my ukulele. Oh, Willie, don't tell me you've taken up the ukulele too. Well, hasn't everybody? It's a fad that's sweeping the country. How you doing with it, Willie? Oh, splendidly. Philip, give me a ukulele and I'll show you. I don't. It's my uk and nobody's going to play it but me. Is it in tune? Is it in tune? You're talking to a guy with perfect pitch. Hit a glass or something. No, never bother about it. My dog has fleas. My dog has fleas. Your voice is kind of lousy, too. Philip, can you play Yaccahula, Hiccadula? If you can say it, I can play. Yaccahula, Hiccadula. Yaccahula, Hiccadula. Somebody say something. We're standing here like a bunch of dopes. Who's lining? Alice, that was the song I was going to sing at the Halloween party. What Halloween party? Well, we're having a masquerade at the club. What costume are you wearing, Willie? Well, I'm undecided. I could wear a leopard skin and go as Tarzan or I could pad my shoulders and go with Superman. Why don't you lather your head and go as a short beer? Always be a buffoon. There are times when you should be serious. There are occasions that don't call for a funny answer and I feel this is one of them. I get one crummy joke in a half an hour and he hates me for it. Say, Willie, I have an idea. Why don't you go as a Canadian-marted policeman? What? Why, that's a splendid suggestion. It certainly is. Let's help him, Curly. I'll go over and get him a policeman's outfit and I'll take him down to Taxidermis and have him mounted. I bet you're just a hoe when you put ladies' hats on. Well, now that we ruffled his feathers, he can go as a powder pigeon. With his face, he'd make a better Jabberwocky bird. Bill, what's a Jabberwocky bird? Oh, well, honey, it's a strange-looking bird from Alice in Wonderland. Some guy wrote a song about it. Oh, I'd love to hear you sing it, dear. Would you really, darling? Oh, for crying out loud. Few people have used every way to get into a song, but this is the most disgusting. One time there was a mountaineer who felt so mighty brave. He took his trusty gun and went to a dark, dark cave. The reason for his venture was a story that he'd heard about a bad ferocious creature called the Jabberwocky bird. Now, when he got into that dreary cave, our hunter saw a sight. The Jabberwocky had seven heads, and each one was a fright. He turned around and headed home, running all the way. And to all the folks who waited there, the mountaineer didn't say. It was brilliant again, the slimy-toasted guy and the gimble in the wave. Old Mimsy were the poor groves and the mommy mass of grave. Oh, Fravj's day, Kalu Kale, and from his band or snatch. My aim was spoiled by seven heads, but that bird I will catch. And back again into that cave, that mountaineer did go. But how he finally got that bird, he really didn't know. This time the mountaineer was armed with knives and traps and bait. He had to catch that Jabberwocky meanest sorry thing. Inside the cave, that gruesome bird confronted him once more. The mountaineer had seven fits and fell right to the floor. He offered up a hasty prayer and murmured, it's the end. But seven Jabberwocky heads said, can't we please be friends? We'll brilliant again, the slimy-toasted guy and gimble in the wave. Will Mimsy and the poor groves and the mommy mass of grave. Oh, Fravj's day, Kalu Kale, and from his band or snatch. The mountaineer said, do you mean we're pals? And seven heads said, natch. The mountaineer just shook his head. He couldn't trust his ears. The Jabberwocky's seven pairs of eyes were filled with tears. The ugly bird broke down and sobbed a witch made me like this. And Jabberwocky, I must be until a man I kiss. The mountaineer could not resist that bird's unhappy plea. He bravely puckered up his lips and said, you'll soon be free. They kissed and seven heads became just one of golden curls. The ugly Jabberwocky was then the prettiest of girls. They brillig'd in the slimy-toasted guy and gimble in the wave. They Mimsy'd in the poor groves and the mommy mass of grave. Oh, Fravj's day, Kalu Kale, and from his band or snatch. That couple now have seven kids. And that is quite a bad... Hey, let's run over that hot tune that we were rehearsing. You ready? Yeah. One, two. Collegiate, collegiate, yes we are collegiate. Nothing in there, Egypt. No man, browsers, baggy, and our clothes look raggy. But we're rough and ready. Yeah! Hey, hot shot! Guiders are the things we never wear. And we have nothing to use for red hot flannels. Very, very seldom in our... My voice is my own fault. What are you doing here anyway, kid? What do you want? I want... Oh, this little tyke has come to the right place for help, hasn't he, Rem? Yeah. Your trouble is good and serious, I hope. He's smitten me. With a girl? In case I wouldn't be surprised. Well, stop making fun of Julius. The boy's in love. Try to help him. Oh, all right. Julius, my boy, tell me all about this beautiful love affair. In what swamp did you first meet this crocodile? Well, cut it out. Stop this nonsense. I don't think it's nonsense. I know a guy who married a kangaroo. Oh, Frankie, please. They met at a college hop. He finally had a divorcer. She kept kicking him out of bed. Now that you mention it, yes. What is your problem? I'm in love with this girl, but she don't love me. That figures. You must be mistaken. This girl must like you. After all, you're charming, debonair and handsome. Ain't that the truth, though? You have just heard another exciting chapter in the life of Emma and Harold. Go on in tomorrow and see if Julius wins Emma from Harold. Remember, same time, same station for a new episode in the loves of Emma Crocodile girl kangaroo. Of course not. It takes time to learn a play to ukulele. Who was your business? Well, that was a subsidiary of Domain and a problem. This, my boy, what is your problem? How? What else have a problem? I got a problem, Mr. Anthony. I might see him on the street and try to talk to him. He says, go away, stop bothering me, drop dead. Now my problem is this. Do you think his love for me is on the wane? This is right. I'll never forget my first love affair. Red hair, blue eyes and gold braces on her teeth. I wore braces, too. Oh, that must have been romantic. It was. Every time we kissed, it looked like two bear traps snapping. Frankie, do you remember your first love affair? Yeah. She was a little honey. It was her first love affair, too. Her first and her last. How do you know it was her last? It had to be. Anything after me, honey, is camping out. That kid she just gave up. What happened to the poor child? Well, the last I heard of her, she had a dog team. She was hauling blubber to Admiral Byrd. You know, you should have helped, Julius. After all, he thought enough of you to come to you for advice and you should be flattered. Yeah. That's funny. I never thought of it that way. You know something, Frankie? She's right. After all, we ought to try to help that little kid somehow. Yeah, maybe we should. Do it a good turn for somebody makes you feel good inside. After all, we can't go through life tormenting, Julius. We've got to lend a helping hand sometime and now is the time to do it. Oh, my scout master will love me for this. Hi, Frankie. Come on. Look, I'll tell you what we'll do. We'll call Julius and tell him that we'll meet him at the party tonight and help him promote his romance. Okay. Hey, Alice, we don't have a lead-in for your song, so just sing. Here we go. Look, kid, hey, we've got a great plan for you. Now, look, you take this ukulele and then get Emma out in the garden. You know, where it's dark and then serenade her. I told you, I can't play the yoke. You won't have to. All you do is fake it. I'll be playing my yoke. Tell me, kid, where's a good place for me to hide in the garden? Behind the hedges. Oh, that's great. And look, Julius, I'm going to help, too. So while Frankie plays, you see, I'll serenade her. Now, where do you want me to hide while I'm singing? The bottom of the swimming pool is a good spot. What are you talking about? There are only two great romantic baritones in the country. Me and Borgian Monroe. Now, look, kid, all you have to do is to get your girl, take her out in that garden, and we're going to do the rest. Now, come on, Remily, let's hide behind the hedge. All right. Gee, it's nice of those guys to help me. If this thing works, maybe I'll win, Emma, and... Julia! Oh, Julia! Here comes Emma now. Be quiet, my little heart. Hello, Emma. How would you like to go for a walk in the garden with me? Oh, I'm sorry, Julius, but I can't leave my guests. That's why I came to see you. I want you to take poodles for a walk. Here's the leash. But, Emma, I wanted to take you off for a walk. Maybe later. Thank you, Julius. Everything happens to me. Instead of Emma, I get to walk with an Irish setter. I approach. I walk you. Why couldn't you be Emma? Now, I can tell you what I think of you. I tell you, you're the most wonderful girl I've ever seen. I'll have to wait, Curly. I've got an awful chilly standing out here. You see any sign of Julius and his girl yet? No. It's too dark out here to see anything, but I know that they... Hey, wait a minute. I hear something. Somebody's coming. Is something, Emma? I hope to make your mind. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. I'm tired of walking. I'm gonna sit down. You sit down, too. I said, sit down, you funny-looking mutt. Did you hear what he said to Emma? Yeah. Must be a new teenage term of endearment. Gee, what a night. I could get so romantic, but with that moon and those stars, yeah, and I gotta be out here with you. Will you please sit still? She's trying to... There's a hammock out there. Curly, let's start serenading Emma. Oh, no, no, let's listen a little more. This kid's technique fascinates me. What has this Harold got that I haven't got? I wish you could tell me, but no, all you do is sit there and scratch yourself. Well, that's at modern youth, everything frank and above-board. She's sloppy hostess. At least she could do a shave. You feel better, huh? Naturally. Sometimes when a customer asks me to recommend a brand of aspirin, I wish I could show them one of the tests given Rexall aspirin. Why? What is it? Well, a two glass tubes are filled with ordinary water. Now, at exactly the same instant, a Rexall aspirin tablet is dropped into one tube and a tablet by any one of Rexall's famous competitors is dropped into the other. Then you see an interesting thing happen. The Rexall aspirin tablet disintegrates long before it reaches the bottom of its tube. What does that mean? Well, ma'am, it means that when swallowed with water, Rexall aspirin disintegrates before it even reaches your stomach. Now, the faster its rate of disintegration, the faster an aspirin tablet can go to work for you. And that's why it's important for you to know that by laboratory test, Rexall aspirin disintegrates completely faster than any other leading brand tested. Golly, I'll remember that. And remember this also. You can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall. Good health to all from Rexall. I'm sorry, folks, we're a little late. Good night, everybody. Good night, everybody. Good night. This program is produced and directed by Paul Phillips, included in today's cast was Gloria McMillan. Part of Frankie Remily was played by Elliot Lewis, and Julius was played by Walter Tetley. The ukulele was played by Frank Remily. Alice Fay appeared to the courtesy of 20th Century Fox. Here's still another example of Rexall's creed of always a little better quality, always a little more quantity. Rexall Milk of Magnesia gives you one-third more for your money. Here's what I mean. Many other leading brands of Milk of Magnesia come in nine or 12-ounce bottles. But Rexall gives you 16 ounces of full pint, and at the same price is competing brands of smaller quantity. Yes, Rexall Milk of Magnesia gives you one-third more for your money. Ask for it wherever you see the orange and blue Rexall sign on the window. And remember, you can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall. Stay tuned for the adventures of Sam Spade, which follows immediately on NBC.