 Our topic, the five things a man will do when he's emotionally attracted to you. These are the things a man will do when he's emotionally attracted to you. All right, really quickly, if you're new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new content. And if this content resonates with you, please hit that like button anytime that you hear something that goes, wow, this resonates with me. All right, we're gonna just jump right in before we do the Q and A. These are the five things a man will do when he's emotionally attracted to you. So let's kind of differentiate between humans when they're physically attracted to someone versus they're emotionally attracted to someone. And we all know that men are visual creatures. We seek relationship through our eyes when we feel good, the equipment goes up and we feel good when the equipment goes up. I hope you get the reference to the equipment going up. When a man feels good and he feels physically attracted to someone, he'll pursue someone. In fact, from a biological perspective, we men are conditioned to hunt and chase sex, you know, predominantly based on our physical, what's happening to us physically. And also one of the components of physical attraction is that brain chemicals are being released in our bodies telling us we feel good. So when two people have strong chemistry for one another, when they have strong physical chemistry from one another, they often pursue lust, they pursue lust. In other words, they're pursuing the physical attributes of relationship. And I'm here to say that relationship is a lot more than just the physical. We all know that, where at least we'd like to believe that a relationship is more physical, is more emotional than physical. And that's what I'm gonna lean into today. Now the challenge for a lot of women is men are biologically conditioned to approach a relationship from a physical perspective. Okay, we are literally biologically wired that way. We're wired to chase a woman and hunt a woman and claim a woman and all those things from the conquest of basically spreading our seed. And that's certainly from our caveman biological perspective. But the reality is, is for those of us that want to have a serious relationship, there has to be something more. Am I right? Does there's something have to be more than just the physical? I hope you feel that way and that's how I feel. And these are the emotional things. So let's dive into how a man will demonstrate that he's truly emotionally attracted to you beyond the physical and how that shows up. And if anything during this resonates with you, please hit that like button. And part of the reason is when you like this video, more people get to see it. So, and by the way, make sure you stay until the fifth one because the fifth one is the most important out of all of these, okay? So the first one, I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses. And by the way, I finally got a pair. I mentioned this about a month ago. I finally got a pair of glasses from an optometrist so I can actually see better. But I wrote these out, I didn't memorize them. And the first, and tell me if you've experienced this as well, if you have experienced post a comment or a man who is emotionally attracted to you, he cares about your feelings, write that down. He cares about your feelings. And what that means is he wants to know how you're feeling and he wants to please you from an emotional perspective. And why I'm sharing this with you ladies is so many of you have this fear about expressing your feelings to a man because he might run away, he might run away. And I'm here to say, ladies, you have to stop this fear around expressing yourself with a man for fear that someone's gonna run away. It's one of the reasons why chapter one in my book. So I talk about my book in every video, chapter one, my book is called What the Heck is Self-Love Anyway. By the way, anyone who wants a copy of my book, check out the description. By the way, I know people are gonna ask cause I'm gonna talk about books in the description. This is where you can get my book and there's also the Jonathan recommends book. I'll bring this up again. I didn't create a URL for you. But chapter one in my book is Speak Your Truth. Just do it with kindness. In fact, I was on the phone with a client today and we were just talking about something that's coming up with a man she's seeing and there was a fear around it and what we leaned into was that the importance of expressing herself, just do it in a kind loving way. Because if it's sincere and then there's a followup chapter in my book, if it's sincere and from the heart, you really can't say the wrong thing to the right person. Let me repeat that. You can't say the wrong thing to the right person if it's sincere and from your heart. So going back to the man who's emotionally attracted to you, he cares about your feelings. He wants to know how you're feeling. Now, he doesn't want you to vomit his feelings habitually. That's what your girlfriends are for. That's what other friends in your life are for. Male or female friends is to vomit feelings because let me just say this, we all need to vent. We all need to vent in life. And what venting is and why I'm bringing up venting is that I want you, a volcano has vent. So when it's built up pressure, it vents out the steam so it doesn't blow up. Now a lot of human beings, so that's venting is important. Sadly though here, particularly in the United States, people in the United States are suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness. I mean, they are suckling on it like nobody's business and people complain habitually. We see this in the news. We see this in social media. Everybody, all they do is fucking complain, complain, complain as if it's venting. Oh, I'm being authentic. I'm being transparent. I'm being vulnerable. No, complaining is none of those things. Venting on the other hand is expressing your feelings with the desire of healing from it, from a desire of resolution, from a desire of how can I improve upon it? But here we don't vent, we complain so we can get sympathy from people and just give me lots of sympathy. And that's very unattractive to a man. So why I'm saying this is, you can absolutely express your feelings to a man because if he's emotionally attached or attracted to you, he's gonna wanna lean into your feelings. You don't have to ever do the lean back when you're with a man who's emotionally attracted to you. You can absolutely lean into your feelings. Just remember, don't vomit your feelings, okay? And remember the difference between complaining and maybe just either expressing or venting. And the difference between the two is complaining, you're seeking sympathy from others or validation for your bad choices. And venting is how can I heal this? How can I improve? How can we improve upon this? Is this sinking in? If it is, please hit that like button, let me know. Really quickly, I know we have people already on here so I just wanna take a quick look and say hi to Rosalind and Eva and QT and all you people, thank you so much. And thank you for the compliment, Regina. Okay, number two, oh, this is a really good one. So a man who's emotionally attracted to you is unafraid to express a fear or insecurity. I'm gonna repeat that. A man who's emotionally attracted to you is unafraid to express a fear or insecurity. And what I mean is he's willing to be vulnerable with you. True intimacy, true intimacy is centered around being vulnerable, authentic and transparent. Let me repeat that, true intimacy isn't the penis going inside the vagina. That's not intimacy, that's sexual intimacy. Real deep emotional intimacy is the ability to be vulnerable with another human being to be able to say, I'm feeling a little fear. I know a friend of mine was going through a really hard time a year ago and it was in his business life. And he didn't express a problem to his partner, to his girlfriend, he was expressing a fear. Oftentimes, the fear is I'm afraid something might happen to my business, that's fear. Problems are kind of like complaining. This is what's going wrong, this what's going wrong. A fear is like, I'm afraid that something might happen. That's what a fear is. And a man who's truly emotionally attracted to you is unafraid to express those fears. Now, just like we're talking about vomiting, a guy who's vomiting his fears and insecurities all the time and he's constantly complaining, that may not be the right man to be in relationship with. It might be a man you might wanna be a support person to. But again, just like I said, women shouldn't vomit their feelings incessantly to a guy, the same for a guy. A guy who does too much of that may need some shoring up in his life. So he can be ready for a juicy, delicious relationship. By the way, I know many of you really appreciate when I use the term juicy, delicious relationship. I mean, to me, what's the fucking point of putting yourself out there on the dating apps? What's the point of going out on dates if you don't want to be in a juicy, delicious relationship? If you're just seeking companionship, connection, and sex, yeah, you might be temporarily happy, but real fulfillment in my heart and my mind is when you're bonded with another human being. When I think of my mother and father, this is a picture of them when they're in their 20s, they were together almost sick. Now actually they knew each other 72 years before my mother passed away. My mother was, well, take that back. She was 88, so no, they knew each other 74 years before my mother passed away. My mother met my father at age 14. They didn't eventually get really connect with one another until five years later. They were married almost 66 years. They were best friends with each other. They had built a life together. They, I mean, my father was so damn cute. My mother's in her 80s and she bought a hat to go on a trip. They were going on a cruise and all you could talk about how cute the hat was. And my father was a commander of a 600 foot destroyer in World War II. So this guy was no pushover. He was a true alpha male. But you know what? He looked at my mother with eyes of love. And that's what I mean when I talk about a juicy, delicious relationship is being able to see a partner through the eyes of love. And so when you're with a man who's emotionally attracted to you, he's gonna not be unafraid to share how he feels. That's number two. Let's talk about number three. Oh, number three. He will be transparent with you. And what I mean by that is he'll be transparent with you if it's material to the relationship. He'll be transparent with you. So we all have heard the phrase, can I be honest with you? I can't stand that phrase. I'm sure you feel the same way because that almost implies you're not honest with me on a regular basis. So what I'd like to replace the word can I be honest with you or can I be candid with you too? Can I be transparent with you? And a man who's emotionally attracted to you is going to be transparent in the sense that if it's something material to the relationship, he's going to speak up and talk about it, whether it's a concern he has about the relationship, maybe has a concern about himself, maybe has a concern about you. A man who's emotionally attracted is going to express himself as before with fears and insecurities, but also from a place of transparency. If it's material to the relationship, maybe he's having second thoughts about the relationship. Rather than getting blindsided by a guy who goes to you or disappears or starts doing the dysfunctional moonwalk. Oh, by the way, I coined the phrase dysfunctional moonwalk. If someone wants to write that down, that's a Jonathan Asley phrase. That's a guy that just complains and complains and complains so you basically break up with him. A man who's emotionally attracted to you will be transparent if it's material to the relationship. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? If it is, please hit that like button. I know I keep repeating myself, but I'd like more people to be able to see this. Okay, that was number three. Let's go to number four. Number four. Oh, I love this. You know what a man who's emotionally attracted to you, he's going to share his joys. He's going to share his joys. Do you know, let's get, you know, here's the thing. The reason why we want to be in a relationship is as I said before, we want to feel good. And when you're with a partner that you really like being with, you want to call them up and tell them good news. That's what a man who's emotionally attracted to you does. People that are in, you know, in truly consciously know they're not going to go the distance with you, they hold back, they are reserved, they have a wall up. And those people, you can tell those people, you feel it. You all know what it feels like. You actually viscerally can feel it with the man is holding back. And you know the difference because a man who genuinely cares about you, who's emotionally attracted to you is going to share his joys with you. Is this resonating? I hope it is. Because when we share our joys with our partner, we're building the roots to trust. All of these things that I'm talking about build roots to trust. And when we build roots to trust, we create the stronger foundation for a relationship. And this is why so many relationships never get off the ground or go the distance because they haven't truly developed solid roots of trust. And I'd like to shift that narrative for you. This is why if you need support and embedding for emotionally available men, emotionally mature men, check out the link to a free discovery call with me. My area of expertise is helping you vet for emotional maturity. One of the reasons why so many of you women, and I'm grateful, what I'm about to say is purely coming from my ego, I'm gonna own it. One of the things I really appreciate you all think that I'm an emotional grownup. Well, this took a lot of work to get here. And what I do now is help you recognize because I'm not the only men out there. There are plenty of emotional grownups out there. I teach you how to vet for emotional maturity. Vetting is basically doing your homework and doing your research. I hope this is sinking in. Okay, now we're gonna come with our fifth one, our fifth thing a man does when he's emotionally attracted and then I'm gonna take questions. And just as a reminder, if you wanna ask a question, simply write the word question so I can see it and then ask an intelligent question, not just a bunch of ramblings because there's a lot of in the chat rooms I have to look through. So help me out by writing the word question or purchase a super chat or a super sticker. So the fifth thing a man will do, by the way, I've gotta turn do something really quickly. I turned up the heat because it was cold in here. The fifth thing a man will do when he's emotionally attracted to you. Let me write, let me read it. I wrote this down. He says he will progress the relationship forward if he knows it's important to you. Let me repeat that. He will progress the relationship forward if he knows it's important to you, meaning not everyone wants marriage. And yet, if so, as an example, not everybody wants marriage, men and women alike, but a man who's truly emotionally attracted to you, whether you're in midlife or in the younger years, if he's genuinely emotionally attracted to you, you're physically attracted to each other, you're building that juicy, delicious relationship with one another, if it's important to you living together, getting married, calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend, whatever that is for you, when it comes to the relationship, he'll progress the relationship forward. You won't have to pull teeth to get him to where you're at. When a man is emotionally attracted to you, he's already getting there with you. In fact, he's already taking the lead to some degree from the perspective of because you'll be building these solid, healthy roots together in relationship because of all of these things will be occurring. He will be, what was it again? Let's see, read this again. He'll care about your feelings. He'll express his own fears. He'll express his joys. He'll be transparent and he'll progress the relationship forward because that's what men do when they genuinely want to be in a relationship, a truly juicy, delicious relationship. Now the real challenge is, everyone asked me, where are these men? Where are these men? Well, they're the same place women are because ladies, a woman who is emotionally attracted to a man is doing all the same things as well. Let me repeat that. A woman who is emotionally attracted is doing all the same things as well. So ultimately, what do I wanna encourage you all to do is to do the following. I want you to think of the idea of co-creating a relationship. This narrative that men are the leaders of the relationship and you basically become submissive and let him be in charge, that's a crock of shit. If you wanna have a healthy, happy relationship then I invite you to be in charge of your relationship, Destiny, and operate from the premise of co-creating, co-creating. When you co-create a relationship, it goes like this into something solid. When the man's leading the relationship, where are you? He's, you just have to follow because he's going, like this is him, he's leading the relationship, you have to follow, but what if you wanna go here and he wants to go there? Ultimately, I wanna encourage you all, my invitation is to choose men who want to co-create a relationship. And if they don't know how to do it, then you have to lead by example. This is why I highly recommend ordering, where's the book? Eight Dates by Dr. John and Julie Gottman. Oh, it's fuzzy right now. Eight Dates by Dr. John and Julie Gottman. Get this book, it teaches you the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. All right, we're gonna take questions now. I just shared the five and the fifth one's the most important, but before we do, we're gonna do a trivia question as I always do. And Lisa says I love that book or I have that book, I hope you love it. So our trivia question, our first one today is, this is movie quiz. Who stars alongside Jennifer Lopez in the wedding planner? Who stars alongside Jennifer Lopez in the wedding planner? Let's see who gets that one right. All right, let's see who has questions. KC, I had a doctor, Atia writes, I had a doctor that we had a great connection. I have some specific gifts, I'm highly intuitive and I have some psychic abilities for a year. Okay, that's not a question. If you have a question, please do me a favor, write the word question in the chat and then give me your question because that'll help me out a lot. Ava writes, he'll progress the relationship going forward, correct? Some people have just said they bought the book. And by the way, Yana writes or Vana writes, Matthew McConaughey, that is correct. So ladies, this is the best part of this live stream is the question, so I need some juicy questions posted in the comments so I know how to help and support you today. Otherwise we're gonna end kind of quickly. Let's see what else. Okay, let's see, all right. Question, Lisa writes, why do you think people are so reluctant to go to therapy besides the stigma? Oh my gosh, great question. So for those of us who are baby boomers, literally up until that point, it was you keep everything close to the vest, you keep it inside, you don't express your feelings, you don't express what's going on. In fact, it's kind of interesting for those that are familiar with what's happening with Harry and Meghan and the Queen in England is that the sovereignty, the Queen has always kept everything close to the vest. In other words, everything has to be private and that's where we were conditioned that way literally throughout history. We've been conditioned to keep our feelings to ourselves. In fact, men in particular have been beaten into us over and over and over again. To be a man, you have to stuff your feelings down. That's what represents being a man is to stuff your feelings down. So part of the reason why people are reluctant is because we've been so conditioned to be afraid of therapy. Now, thankfully the newer generation, the Gen Z's and the millennials are more inclined to go to therapy because their parents as adults start to go to therapy after all their divorces. So I'm here to say that's the primary reason why. Also, a lot of people are afraid to really be introspective because it requires oftentimes to face some of the darker challenges. And that is, as I talked about in my book, Self Love is, look it, I have a podcast called the What Would Love Do podcast. And in the podcast, I say that the number one emotional health issue facing almost everyone is a distressing lack of I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, I'm not likable. That's the big significant percentage of the population feels that way. And so the antidote to inner suffering, like I wrote my book, Self Love, that's the antidote to inner suffering. It requires taking that leap of faith and oftentimes we just need to be pushed in that direction. Let me tell you something. I didn't do therapy for the first 40 years of my life. It took losing my quarter million dollar a year job. It took getting a divorce to start doing this. And I was hung up on drugs and alcohol. I was self-medicating for a long period of my life until I literally hit rock bottom. And when I hit rock bottom, that was my opportunity to go get busy living or get busy dying. By the way, that's a quote from a movie. Does anyone know where that quote from that movie comes from, get busy living or get busy dying? And I chose to live. And that's when I began to do therapy. Oftentimes it takes severe humbling events, Lisa, before someone actually approaches therapy. It takes humbling events. And if we could have started much sooner, it would actually help us all if we could have all started therapy at a very young age. And therapy isn't something to be ashamed of. It's actually great to be able to talk to someone about your feelings instead of stuffing them in. So I love that question. And I hope I answered it. Thank you so much. All right. All right. Someone said that's a British thing too when I talked about the queen. Therapy helps so much. So Miss Chana, right? I can't pronounce your first name. Oh, Chris Ang says, I'm 30 and he's 52. He recently opened up that he's not very comfortable. Should I be worried? I like him a lot. So first off, whenever you're engaging in a relationship, the worst place to be is a feeling of worry. If you're in a relationship where you feel worry, then the most important thing to do is to use your words. These are my lips. Use your words, talk, speak, ask what he feels uncomfortable about. Lady, stop being afraid to speak up to guys. And if you need some help, I highly recommend this book called Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. It should have been titled Compassionate Communication because the title, the reason why it's nonviolent is we oftentimes are pointing the finger at someone saying that they're wrong. Compassionate communication tries to get to the bottom of what's going on. In his case Christian, Chris Ang, I would say, ask what's coming up for him, talk to him. If you two are engaged in a relationship, then you shouldn't be afraid to speak up because if he's emotionally attracted to you, he's gonna lean into your feelings. He won't run away. And if he does run away, chances are he's not your guy. And then you're gonna be dealing with the reality is as you got attached to someone who wasn't right for you and that's on you, not on him, but that's a whole nother conversation. If this is resonating, please hit that like button. Hey, I wanna give you a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug. There's nothing easy about being in a relationship where you're feeling worried. All right. Let's see if there's another, if you have a question, please write the word question so I know it's a question I can look them up much easier. Yes, it's Tina writes it's Shawshank Redemption in the movie Shawshank Redemption, Andy Dufresne says, get busy living or get busy dying. Ladies, that's stop being afraid, live because dying is not speaking up, at least in my opinion. Okay, Regina writes, do you think a person that feels like they can't love like they used to because of past hurts is something they can ever get over? Okay, let me repeat that for everyone. Do you think a person that feels like they can't love like they used to because of past hurts is something they can get over? The answer is yes. However, it is absolutely something you can get over provided you want to get over it, okay? Listen, I've had hurts in my life. I'm sure you've had hurts in your life. Other people have had hurts in their lives. The reality is today unlike my mother and father, my mother only had sex with one man in her life. I don't know how, my father probably only had a few women in his life and he might have only had one. Nowadays between the habitual dating we're going through, and I said this earlier, dating triggers the number one emotional health issue because if we've had repetitive over and over of dates that didn't go anywhere, dates that didn't go anywhere, relationships that didn't go anywhere. And then sexual partners and sexual partners where we bond with them and we bond with them and these don't go anywhere, multiple, multiple, multiple. This can wear on us emotionally and it can cause a person to become bitter or jaded. It can cause a person to become bitter or jaded and sadly whether it's men or women and ladies, I'm a guy out there, I'm a single man out there and I gotta tell you the vast majority of women are deeply hurt and because of that they've become incredibly wounded, jaded, bitter. It makes it so hard to connect with a person if there's a wall up. And the minute I notice a wall, it's not my job to tear down their wall. That is not your job to tear down someone else's wall. It's, I mean, a big proponent of being loving and supportive, but if someone starts the process with a wall that's not where I wanna meet with them. So the question I would ask someone, and by the way, somebody write this down, okay? They've expressed that they've had past hurts. The follow-up question is this, I'm gonna drink my coffee. By the way, what does my coffee mug say? Swear a little, you'll feel better. Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck. Anyone who knows me knows I like to curse and I even have a napkin that says it. Fuckity, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck. Okay, the question you wanna ask them is how did you heal from your past relationship? How did you heal? Or how are you healing from that? When someone expresses their hurts and pains, okay, we've received it. The follow-up question is how are you healing from that? And if they're dear in the headlights, then you may wanna take a pause on whether or not you wanna invest in them. Because yes, they can absolutely grow. Send them the therapy and then they can come back to get the, you know, by the way, we all know Jonathan says this all the time. If the penis gets to go inside the vagina, I'm a big proponent of choosing grown-up people to have sex with. So, see if they're willing to do some work before you invest your heart, your soul, your emotions and your body to another human being. Is this sinking in everyone? I hope it is. All right, now we have to scroll up to see if there's any more questions. Okay, I refuse to have sex with someone I don't love. Good, that's great, Lisa. Someone writes, damn straight, Jonathan, life's too short to stay quiet about things. Yes, Regina writes, I've only had sex with two men and I'm in my mid-50s. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but I'm happy for you either way. Lisa writes, I have very little baggage. David Hernandez, a man. Agree, even as a man, I gotta say, a guy with high body count can be a detriment to his loyalty and faithful. I experienced this with my dad when he was cheating with my mom with girls he had before him, had a harem. You know, a person who's had multiple sexual partners, I don't, you know, here's what is too many. You know, what is too many? You know, the movie, The Ghost of Girlfriends Past, it looked like Matthew, that's a movie, right? Matthew McConaughey must have had sex with a thousand women, at least in that movie, a thousand women. Did that affect his ability to fall in love with someone? Yes, until he actually looked inward when he finally was faced, when the ghost of his past came in and looked him in the eye and he had to look into the mirror and face himself, that's when he changed. So it's not how many sexual partners you've had, the real question becomes, have you looked in the mirror and said, is this working for me? And if it's not, what do I wanna do to change? And in his particular case, he had to face, his reality is, is he really was in love with his teenage crush and he ruined it at one point, but he had to face his fears of what was really coming up for him and as he went back into his past, he did healing, he was able to step into this relationship and I know it's just a movie, but I like that movie. Anyway, I hope I answered your question, David. All right, all right. Fiona writes, thank you for your advice and support. Thank you, Fiona, I appreciate that. If you have a question, write the word question and then post the question underneath it. I can't pronounce your name properly, M-A-J-A, okay. David says, the best thing is to have self-control. Yes, self-control is a good thing for men and women alike. Joy writes, say he does the first four things. I think the basis, okay, say he does the first four things of the five things I share. I think the basis for a very close friendship and if five does not happen, should you discuss it, wait or walk away? Ladies, I love this question, thank you, Joy. So let me just say this. You should be discussing, okay, I know every dating relationship coach tells you to do the opposite of what I'm about to say, but does anyone remember the Seinfeld episode where George did the opposite of his natural impulses and what happened? When he did the opposite of his natural impulses, all of a sudden, all great things happen in his life. So I'm here to say, start talking about the minute the penis gets to go inside the vagina on a regular basis and you're having regular sex, you have every right to talk about what this relationship looks like and set the standard of what it looks like for you. This is why those who follow my work, who have listened to me know this is Jonathan Asley's standard. I invite you to incorporate this standard and that is the following. I wanna be in a relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, teamwork building, which includes being there for each other as a team, both in our personal life and our professional life, traveling together, experiencing things together, eventually building the roots for long-term commitment, which might be either living together or getting married. That's where I starting point. That's my starting point. My invitation for you is to use your words, those are your words, and express what it is you want. Now I can tell you, ladies, as a coach, I'm a dating or relationship coach to women in midlife, my predominant clients or after baby making years and before retirement, although I do have some clients in their 20s and 30s and I have some clients in their 70s as well. What I'm here to say is ladies, you all have a fantasy of you want based, and this is my experience based on the 40,000, I hope I don't have to get spanked, 40,000 foot level. I teach you how to get it at the ground level because of my proprietary boot camp I created. I've created a system to help you design your ideal relationship so you know what it looks like beyond what I just said. And most of you think of it in the fantasy realm, and I say this because let me tell you something. When a client hires me, one of the things they do is they type out their ideal relationship. Then they go through my proprietary boot camp, which takes about five or six weeks. And after my boot camp, I have them rewrite their ideal relationship. And can I tell you what happens every single time? Every single time, women say to me the following. I wish they taught me this in school. I wished my parents taught me this. I wished I learned this 10 years ago before I dated this knucklehead. I'm here to say ladies, you have to do this for yourself. That's why if you need support, check out the link to a free discovery call with me because that's my area of expertise. It's someone. Oh, Kelly, thank you so much for that super sticker. That's so sweet of you. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much. By the way, for those, Kelly knows this. For those who know, I lost my 19 year old son, Connor. That's a picture of him in the Obey shirt. And my goal is to start a foundation. So the money I get from super chats and that sort of thing is going to help me because I want to start a foundation as a name. It'll be something related to Salty. Everyone who knows Connor's nickname is Salty. And my goal is to start a foundation in the next year. In his name, I really no idea where I'm going with it. I just know that's something I want to do. So Kelly was kind enough to give me a super sticker. And that was very sweet of you. I want to give you a big, gigantic Johnathan bear hug for that. All right. Joy, I hope I answered your question. All right, Lisa writes, Okay. Let's see. Question, uncomfortable question. Uncomfortable with our age gap. This goes back to that Christian 30 and 52. Yeah. Okay, I can understand why a man would be uncomfortable if he's 50 and with a 30 year old for a variety of different reasons. And by the way, women feel the same way as well. One is as we age, we feel you might abandon us. That's probably one of the predominant fears someone might have is as a person age, they might feel you might abandon them. It might be uncomfortable also because references to things in life, someone who's got 20 years younger doesn't have the same life experience as someone in their fifties. They might feel differences in their social structure and that sort of thing. So there's a variety of things that feel uncomfortable. The follow-up question is let's talk about this together. Let's talk about what makes you feel uncomfortable. If someone's emotionally attracted to you, they're gonna lean into the conversation. If they really want a full-blown, fully committed relationship that goes the distance, then they're not gonna be afraid. And anyone who's afraid to have a serious conversation about the relationship, ladies, let's think about this. Do you wanna be with someone who's afraid to talk about the relationship? I hope to God not. And by the way, most men are not unafraid. Most men are willing to talk. It just requires building the roots to trust and this is one of the weaknesses with the philosophy that men are just supposed to claim women and all you ladies have to do is just sit in your feminine energy and just sit back and he'll do all the work. Let me tell you, it is not feminine energy to be kind, compassionate, warm and caring. That is not feminine energy. That's good human energy. It's not masculine nor is it feminine to be kind, compassionate, loving and open. This is why I'm not a big fan of the narratives because a man can be all those things but you wouldn't call a man feminine if he's kind, compassionate. Well, you might call him feminine but that's just a bad label. I'm here to say, if you wanna lean into the relationship then lean into your own sovereignty, lean into your own self-love. Because it is through your words, it's through being a grown-up that you have any chance of making a relationship success and that's my invitation for you. Is this sinking in? Please let me know it is by hitting that like button. All right, is it time for another trivia question? I think so. Oh, this will be a good one. Which 1988 film stars Bette Midler and Barbara Hershey? Which 1988 film stars Bette Midler and Barbara Hershey? Let's see who gets that one. Regina says, admit he will only give me fake love and I've only been in love twice. That's why I only two sex partners. Okay, thanks. Open your mouth. Yes, Lisa. All right, if you have a question, write the word question and then post your question. Oh, by the way, Lisa points out that age difference. I meant to say music differences are one of the things. I know when I was in a relationship with someone who was 10 years older than me, she had no clue of 80s music and I'm a big gigantic 80s music fan. By the way, the only reason why I'm not doing music anymore is I've been busted for copyright shit. So those who've listened to my older YouTube live. So anyway, let's see what other questions. Fiona writes, the man I'm dating is 42, I'm 48. I have a nine year old triplets and he has no children. And that certainly plays on my mind. If I should continue with the relationship. Well, before I would consider exiting the relationship, how about talking to him about how he feels in the relationship? Fiona, my first couple of questions is how long have you two have been dating? How regularly do you see each other? Has he been engaged in activities with your children? These are all the things I'd wanna know before I'd exit out of a relationship. And again, if he hasn't met your children or engaged with them, ultimately, listen, if you wanna build the roots to a foundation of a relationship, it's gonna have to incorporate your family as well. That's an important piece of the foundation. So I highly, I would at least wanna find that out. All right, thank you, Fiona. And the correct, it's beaches, correct. Not bridges, beaches. 80s music is awesome. All right, if you have a question, post the word question and then write it. So I know that there's a question coming up. Uh, let's see. Oh, question, why after you cut off something that he saw as casual, does, do they keep coming back or attempting to, should I say I don't reply? Okay, Sarah writes, and I'm gonna paraphrase on this. Sarah writes, why would, why after you cut something off that was casual, would someone keep coming back? Okay, this happens frequently. So you've engaged in a relationship and for whatever reason, you've been intimate with each other, you went down the path and one, one of you decided to exit out of the relationship. And then you're back out in the, you're a back out fishing, you're back out fishing and no hooks, no hooks, no hooks. But you remember this one relationship that felt good. Well, maybe if I just reach out to them and get a little bit of attention, I can feel, I can replace what's missing inside of me. A lot of times people reach out to old past loves beyond friendship is because they're missing something inside of themselves. And they just wanna fill that hole with someone who's familiar. Because if you invest a time with someone, you've built something with someone and then it's no longer there, you still feel connected with them. So oftentimes the reason why people do that is they're just trying to fill the hole inside of them. If this resonates with you, please hit that like button. I'd really appreciate it. Donna writes, I'm curious why, I'm curious why you haven't considered or mentioned holding a type of book session for the books you suggest reading. The main ones, obviously members would have to buy the books. You know what's interesting Donna, thank you so much. So I've been considering in my private group, I have a private group called Midlife Love Mastery. Check out the link to my VIP group. I've actually been thinking about grabbing these books and doing a book club with my books in my private membership. So that is something I am considering within my private membership. By the way, I found out last week when I did this that one of you was doing a book, has a book club and they're doing my book right now. What the heck is self love anyway? Anyone who purchases, what the heck is self love anyway? The link's below and has a book club and my book is on their reading list. I will personally get on a conference call with all of you and talk about the book with you as my gift if you put together this book club and you do my book. So anyone who just heard that, if you do that, I'd be happy to do a conference call with y'all. All right, let's see if there's any questions. Just reminder, write the word question so I can see what's there. Regina writes, good word, trying to go back to what's comfortable and fill the void inside of them. That's exactly it. So that's oftentimes what people do, okay. Rosie writes, I've been dating a man for four months and we see each other two to three times a week. I'm seven months separated but wanna pursue this relationship. He is hesitant until I'm divorced but treats me like his girlfriend. So what's the question? You're hesitant? You know what? I'm a big believer it takes a good year to two years to unravel the tapestry of an old life to be able to build a new life. So for me, I know I wouldn't date someone who's separated or who hasn't been divorced for at least one year. Now that's just me speaking because I don't wanna be entangled with any entanglement somebody else has. Now that's just me. I can understand why he feels a reservation. So this is a challenge. This is something that's gonna require some deep serious conversation and he has every right to be concerned because until your divorce is final and the settlement of the divorce has been finalized it can be a problematic issue in both of your lives. So I can understand his reservation. I don't know if I have a solution for you other than make sure you talk to one another about what's coming up in your fears and anxieties and concerns. All right, again, if you have a question post the word question and then write your question. I hope that helped Regina. Thank you so much. Okay. What if they've been separated for like three years but not divorced? Okay. And then I'm gonna go back to Sheila. I'll get your question in a second. What if they've been separated for three years but not divorced? You know, here's the thing. To me, it's not clean. Look it, I'm a guy who wants to get remarried. I, look it. I mean, could I bend my rules for someone amazing? Probably I would. But I start there as a deal breaker for me. I wouldn't enter into a relationship. So if they've been separated for three years here's the problem. Sometimes people never get divorced. Okay. I'm just not willing to roll the dice. Okay. I'm, you look at your grown up person. You can do whatever you want. But my feeling is this. It's not clean until someone's divorced. That's just my two cents on it. And I know a lot of people would agree with me. If this is resonating, hit that thumbs up button for me. All right. Sheila writes, he finally said it's not good time for a relationship and said relationships are disastrous. His attachment style is dismissive. I went no contact and he invited me to stay as a friend. So then what's the question, Sheila? Will he contact me again or is he serious? Oh, okay. I guess that's the question. All right. So he finally said it's not a good time for a relationship and said relationships are disastrous. His attachment style is dismissive, went no contact. But he wants to stay as friends. So why do we want to stay with friends with people that we've been intimate with because we feel a connection with them? My feeling is this. You go work on your shit on your time, not on my time. I'm more than happy to be a social friend with someone. I'm willing to be cordial and kind with another human being. But I'm not going to invest my intimate feelings with a person, at least who is not a true friend and a true friend, it's very difficult to build a true friend from someone who has a dismissive attachment style, who thinks relationships are disastrous and has no real business. My invitation for you, Sheila, is tell him to go seek therapy, go spend one year with a therapist and if he wants, he can come back and have a social friendship with you. That's how I would approach it. Is this sinking in everybody? If it is, please hit that like button. Thank you so much. All right, Lisa, thank you so much. Kim writes, my husband says I nag him too much. How do I get him emotionally attached to me again? All right, chances are you are not following this book called Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. But here's the thing. I would start finding out what nagging really means to him. What is it that he's not comfortable with? But read this book first. Read this book first because when you understand how to communicate in a healthy way, it won't come across as nagging. It'll come across as a productive conversation. Now, a lot of couples need to do therapy because the therapist listens to one person's point of view then listens to the other person's point of view and then they actually come up with what's really being said. So chances are my question is, what does he claim you are nagging him about? But ask yourself, does this person really just wanna invest in the relationship? And I know it's a challenge when you're married and I don't know the details. Do you have children? Are you a young couple or are you an older couple? My invitation is maybe seek therapy. If you point blank out, ask them, do you want this relationship to go the distance? And if you do, would you be open to going therapy together so we can work out our issues? I yell sometimes just cause I'm passionate. I curse sometimes because I think it feels good. I hope everything resonates with you. And also just stop nagging as Lisa says. Yes, Sheila, thank you. He needs to work on his shit. All right, let's see. If you have a question, post the word question and write a question out. This will help me help you, help me help you. Jennifer says I'm late to the live. Jennifer then post a question because we wanna keep this going for another five more minutes. By the way, everyone, listen, I've been transparent with you all. I've been doing more lives because quite frankly, I said I was bored the last time and that's not true. I'm partially lonely. I'm in the same boat as many of you going through this pandemic. It's not easy to navigate life feeling stuck at home. And while now the world is opening up a little bit, I miss sitting in a bar and having a cocktail with a friend and talking to the people around and meeting people out in the real world. I'm desperate and thirsty for that. So right now I'm using this vehicle to connect. If I could figure out how to get a girlfriend through my YouTube channel, I would be ecstatic because I'd like to have a partner to do all the juicy, delicious things life has to offer. Sadly, I'm struggling with the same things many of you are. Just like many of you are struggling with men who are emotionally unavailable or dismissive or anxious or avoid it, women are just the same way or women are stuck in their ego and not in their loving. And I'm looking for that kind of partner just like you are. There's nothing easy about this. Fucking dating is a pain in the ass. It really is. But ultimately here's my invitation. Go back to get busy living or get busy dying. As a friend said to me once, love is a risk. And yet it's still the best game in town and that's the way I look at it. So all right, we're gonna take one more question, our two, how do you diffuse a man's anger? Okay, this is a great question, Jennifer. How do you diffuse a man's anger? Everybody, ladies, I want you to buy one of those bull horns, those fog horns, okay? When a guy is being angry, I want you to take it right up to his fucking ear and blow that as hard as you can, not to blow out his eardrums, but to wake him the fuck up because anger, now, I might seem like I'm angry. This is just my passionate yelling. There's no business for anger being a relationship and the best way to diffuse anger is blow that fog horn to shut him the fuck up. Now, that's my protective big brother, I'm your father approach. That's how a father would approach it is I'd pull out the shotgun and go, mother fucker, you'd be nice to my daughter or I'm gonna shoot your ass. And what I'm saying is, and that sounds rather angry what I'm saying, but my point is there's no business for anger. How do you diffuse anger? I'm gonna tell you something that happened to me in my relationship and my ex-girlfriend and I, I shared this story before. We got into a major fight and I don't wanna take time giving the whole story because there's really a big story here. I wanna give you the clip note version. We got into a big fight and we were fighting with each other. Finally, I decided to do something to change the narrative and I expressed five things I was grateful for in the relationship. I expressed five things I was grateful for in the relationship. And as I started to express what I'm grateful for, I could see the armor coming down, the ice around her coming down. And then I invited her to express five things she was grateful for in the relationship and the more she expressed, the more the anger started to come down. And then we could talk to one another. My invitation after you do the fog horn, just kidding, is start with gratitude to try to shift the energy. And when you can shift the energy, you can actually connect with one another. Love that question. Thank you so much. How do you persuade someone to go to therapy? Should you give him an ultimatum? I don't believe in ultimatums. I believe it's an invitation. If you'd like to have regular sex with me, would you be open to going to therapy? And if you don't feel open to therapy, then I'm gonna wait until you're ready to have a serious conversation about a relationship and sex is off the table. I'm sorry I put ladies, I know I put sex on this, I talk about it a lot, but I'm here to say is we have to start acting like, by the way, everybody, matter of fact, look at, if you want ladies, if you want a guy to have sex with you, then both of you should be reading this book, how to be an adult in relationship. By the way, Jonathan recommends books as in the description, how to be an adult in relationship. An adult have conversations you don't need to give ultimatums. All right, we're gonna take one more question. So, Joy writes, I have a friend who is really good guy, he's 67 and his design is decided at his age, he's too old for a relationship in any kind. He never married, is that unusual? Given that roughly 80% or more of the, I think 83% of the population eventually gets married at some point in their life, some point even at age 67, that is unusual, but it's not impossible, people do actually can get married. That's not unusual, it is unusual, it's not common, given that 83% of the population, I think eventually does get married. All right. Life is better shared exactly, Tina. What if he ghost you after you tell him about his pattern of behavior? Rather than expressing, pointing out someone's behavior, how about expressing how you feel about the behavior and then see how they react? But it's not uncommon, some human beings are so afraid of facing their stuff that they run away, and that's what ghosting is simply running away. So that's not an uncommon experience. Men and women alike do this, they run away from their fears or they run away from problems. Listen, everyone, you know what? We're coming up on the hour. I'm gonna do one more trivia question. I know there's more questions. We're gonna do this one last trivia question. Which film stars Molly Ringwall as a teenager whose family forgot her 16th birthday? This will be a really hard one. Which film stars Molly Ringwall as a teenager whose family forgot her 16th birthday? I'm sure everyone's gonna get that because it was literally in the question. You know what? I wanna thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for allowing me to come into your lives today. This is one of my passions to be able to express myself. As I shared with you, I'm feeling a bit lonely. This allows me to connect with people. Even though I don't see you, I see the chats. By the way, 16 candles is correct. From the bottom of my heart, I wanna thank you. First off, thank you all for your kindness about my son Connor. I really appreciate that. I really appreciate that you acknowledge my son Colin as well. Thank you so much. I wanna thank you all for all the compliments you give me. I can't tell you how much my ego loves that. And I'm so grateful that this content is resonating with you. If you would please be so kind. Couple things. A, if you'd like to talk to me, check out a link to a free discovery call. Check out my group called Midlife Love Mastery. Lisa and so many on here are in the group. Check out my podcast, The What Would Love Do podcast. Check out my book, What the Heck Would Self Love Anyway. And there's in the description, there's an opportunity to get all these. And finally, I want most of all for you, is choose to love yourself. Because it is through self love, through introspective work, through healing, can we actually live a life of fulfillment and empowerment. And as I always say to women, you are in charge of your relationship destiny. Sadly, many human beings expect another human being to love them for you to love yourself. And I wanna change that narrative to be one of empowerment. It is not masculine nor feminine. It is empowered energy that I want you to invite you all to do. And that's what self love is. And I hope I'm making a difference in your life. Again, I wanna thank you from the bottom of my heart, and I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, giving myself a big gigantic John Thamber hug of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone or a pet or a teddy bear or a pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye bye now. Bye everyone. Bye. Thank you, Lisa, Tina, Sheila, Gloria, Joy, Dolly, Holly, Erika, Fiona, Sarah. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. I love you all. Have a great evening. I'm going to the hot tub right now. Bye now. Kelly, thank you again.