 Josh. The next roster is Abish Matthew. Abish Matthew, ladies and gentlemen, says that he's religious, which is what all virgins above a certain age call themselves. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage a man who needs an introduction but doesn't deserve one, Abish Matthew. Ladies and gentlemen, she ducked next to the Pillsbury Doughboy. Give out pork, munch, bounty, eclairs or snickers. You are like a walrus and a seal fused together. Appreciate cinema, something like this. Our retraction for the evening. Ajan Kapoor and Ranveer Singh. Yeah? There as a child, every time Sonam Kapoor, your cousin went out on a date, you used to join her as the third wheel. That is the first. Had four tyres. But congratulations, you are slim now. So Naqshi and Sinha, congratulations there. But there are all rumours that's not true because you know you're not supposed to freaking touch only sad person in the country every time Virat Kohli scores a century. Thank you so much for having me. Next roster is Aditi Mittal. One girl on the panel. So that Ranveer Singh has someone to joke off to. Please give her up for this lady and gentleman, Aditi Mittal. Thank you so much for having me on this show. His asshole is your breakfast this morning. Going down on a woman is bending over and asking Moushee, how many potatoes are there? Only we knew Hindi. Yeah. Rajiv, my son. Rajiv. Rajiv, I'm not saying that you're fat. But you look like a steamed man of your work. You know, a ceiling fan of your work. Like a stool, a rope and a ceiling fan. Abish. Abish, a girl has sex with you. She becomes a virgin again. Over-entitled assholes on my right. To the over-entitled assholes on my left. Karan, I feel like the older Jaya Bachar was waiting outside with a thali. Arjun, I think your greatest role so far has been your career. Arjun, let's, I mean we can't forget. You failed when it started. You're so dumb that when you first saw a dildo you were looking for the plastic man it fell off from. What did you say? Ranveer is here. Deepika is dating Ranveer as we all know. It's great. Deepika, as a woman, I want to say thank you. You're taking one for the team. Thank you so much. My name is Adityan. Thank you, Adityan. Pichai Muzho. The next one is Rajiv Mazan. I wanted to watch a pasty, high-pitched Diva being clueless about films. I'd watch Anupama Chopra. Give her up for the human loofah. It's good to be here. Look at Karan. Don't have a movie coming out any time soon. But how you pay me for good reviews? Here's a thought. You wouldn't have to pay a critic if you'd actually pay it for a decent fucking... went from hating Anurag Kashyap to people who know Karan Johar for work. AIB is here. Get to the stars of the night. Arjun Kapoor and Ranveer Singh. Ranveer, you're so slutty. Every time I start a rumor about you, turns out it's already true. Your cock travels faster than the speed of gossip, man. Aurangzeb. So he could disappoint his father twice. All jokes aside, thank you for having me here. Arjun, Ranveer, this was great fun. And it's also the only time I'll be using those two words to describe anything that you're involved with. Thank you, register. Oh, I know. Ladies and gentlemen, this is such a good move. It's the multi-talented... There's so many of your movies panned out to the NRI audience. I made so much fun of you, Karan. I want to talk about the positives about Karan Johar. Karan Johar gives so many helpless actors a chance in the industry. So many actors who have no connection with the industry. Karan launches them. You know, like Alia Bhatt counts themselves if it goes on for Karan Johar. Fantastic and uplifting, the already fucking uplifting. Honey from the rich to the rich. What do you mean? I said, okay, give her a push up. What is wrong with you? But of course, after co-founding AIB, I've had the pleasure of working with the finest, most talented, hardworking and funniest comics in this country. Also you, Rohan. Rohan, some people say you're an unfunny fuck who has a career only because you have a vaguely generic face and your connections to the butt family. Rohan, don't listen to those people. Those people are jealous. Those people are petty. Those people are right. But don't listen to them, Rohan. Ashi Shakya is here, ladies and gentlemen. I want you guys to give a round of applause to Ashi Shakya. It is not cool that so many people came here and made jokes about you being ugly. It's not cool. Ashi, she's the hottest guy in AIB, alright? You are the hottest guy in AIB because black absorbs more heat. Scientifically, he's the hottest guy. That's all I'm saying. I personally think you're the best female comic on the panel today. It's so nice. Aditi, you're so Punjabi. You're my lingerie. You wear a bra. One bit takes reminds me, Rajiv Masam is here. Rajiv, why do you use so many fucking fancy words to describe simple concepts? Why do you do that? Like if I would describe you, I would not say, Rajiv is the binocular zenith of bio-pollinating which I am diaspora. I would just say, I would just say, I would just say, I would just say, I would just say, From requirements of one, between two requirements Rajiv, your grandson for you Son of producer, An odpowrewt, Child of actor, TV, Brotherhood! Was it tough to create a Bollywood movie? You put on a Krish costume and danced on the linking road for a day. You don't have to do that man. At least, wait for your next few left Look at Arjun smiling. Arjun, smile for the audience. Smile for the audience. The creepiest smile in the world, just smile. Arjun, your smile is so creepy. That means Shakti Kabur looks at it. Even he checks his top button. Like that. I said I would rather go. Sure. Wow, you're so smart. Thank God you're not a writer. But easily the creepiest thing today on the desk is Ranveer Singh. Ranveer, you're such a slut. If you fucked a chick with Ebola, she would die of AIDS first. Ranveer, you're such a sleaze. You didn't get turned on until Deepika used the pepper spray on you. Karan, you approached Ranveer Singh for one of your films, Shuddhi. Ranveer of course took the audition because he thought it was called Fuddhi. Arjun, I'm not saying you're doing badly, but the last time I saw Kapoor struggle so hard, I really was trying to speak English at the Oscars. Oh. I wanna play a charade. Even Prime Secrets was like, shut up, what are you doing? In conclusion, ladies and gentlemen, we have always wanted to push the envelope in the genre of comedy. Maybe that with the video with Arya or with our first video with Yash Raj. Or today with Insult Comedy. And this would not have been possible with our two of the coolest young kids in Bollywood. It gives me great pleasure to ask you guys please give a huge fucking nano applause for Ranveer Singh and Arjun Kapoor. After doling up that shit to me, one of you have thanked me, you fuckers. He not thanked me. But at least pretty much. I like it like that. Harums are my thing. Arjun Kapoor and Ranveer auditioned for Shruti. He was already bumped. A sweet virginal boy. Abhishek's father regretted his birth so much that when he saw him for the first time he turned to his wife and he said Kalsi Sirf Enela. Tanmay Bhat, ladies and gentlemen. Tanmay Bhat, thank you for letting us have this show inside you. I am not saying Tanmay Bhat is fat. But Tanmay Bhat doesn't have a bath. Tanmay Bhat has a besarjan. Ladies and gentlemen, Tanmay Bhat's favorite superhero is Tarla Dalal. Guys, the only reason Thamba started the AIB podcast is because Tanmay likes to talk after sex. The first four rows didn't get that joke because they don't follow the AIB podcast. Yeah, industry. We affectionately call if you are mojo-rojo what the fuck does that make you three? The Powerpuff Girls. You're dating the sister of Alia Bhat, Shaheen Bhat. You're the most pointless addition to the Bhat family since Vikram. But seriously, I mean, sorry at all. We have no more jokes on you. You're so fucking generic. I don't even know what the fuck you're laughing at. All of your jokes are fucking male bashing. So you're sort of like current job after a breakup. Rajeev, how does it feel to be part of another show where nobody gives a fuck about what you say? Rajeev, I was hoping that your jokes would be funny towards the second half, but much like your life, it was quite pointless your performance. In fact, your performance was so one-tone and one-dimensional, that if I watched you in 3D, you'd still be flat, motherfucker. Ladies and gentlemen, dear Rajeev, half of us find us great. Oh, Christopher Nolan. Plushman, confusing to me at a biological level because you both look like testicles, but you're both assholes. You know, Baba, honestly, when Raghu and Rajeev were born, for the first time in the world, they made two jokes. They made a fake show on a fake channel. Most of them did a fake show. Out of 20 of them, they went to fake countries and made a fake show and made 100 crore audience a fake show. Raghu, what I'm trying to say is... Seriously, what I'm trying to say is... Why do you abuse me so much? Raghu, let me tell you something from the bottom of my heart. Do you move or do you shout on your land? No fucking jokes, Asai. Thank you for ripping on us. The truth is, I genuinely am quite depressed about Kildil flopping. Why, Baba? You know what you mean? What did you mean? According to me, your career needs a mind-blowing chakacha, glamorous dharma film. My position is... I hate on us. And you can shit on us and call us all kinds of names, but we'll be absolutely fine. Because unlike the bunch of these losers, we have the option of having sex with whoever we want. Not me, baby. So tonight at the AIV Naka, these two deviants took a whole bunch of insults. Terrible shit, right? Not because they're masochists, or well, not just because they're masochists, but what are you doing? Something. But, because we're here for some very important causes as well, and tonight I'm proud to say we've raised close to 14 lakh rupees to be distributed across charities, across three charities. Ranbir Singh will be ready to walk in power and give India, which as we know is quite a thing he would like to do. Arjun Kapoor will donate to the Tata Memorial Center and my contribution will go towards being human because even my choice of charity is a cliche. Thank you to our panel, Raghuram, Aditi Mittal, Abish, Matthew, Rajesh, Masan, and of course, All India Bucks show, ladies and gentlemen, for putting together tonight's show. And of course a huge thank you to these two fucking bastards, Arjun and Ranbir, thank you for doing this. It takes a ton of guts to take that sound of pounding. We sing the song and we sing it together. Come here. Okay, it goes like this. One, two, one, two, three, four. It was an absolutely fantastic roast. My cheeks hurt. My face hurts. It hurts from laughing. That was way better than I was expecting. Man, that was good. Why are people offended by it? I know they said offensive things, but... Come on. It was an unjoking form. There's certain jokes that could have never been done here. No, in a roast they could have been. No. Sure. Well, like, if you're a white comic talking about a black man and they're black... Yes, Pete Davidson didn't do it. To who? I can almost guarantee it wouldn't happen here. Unless it's a black comic to another black person. I don't know. I think... We have a very different... No holds barred in roasts. It's literally no holds barred. That killed a black man. Get away with it. Oh, 9-11 joke. That was so bad. The ISIS joke. You're so repulsive. You were an altar boy for seven years and not one priest would molest you. I love roasts. The best thing you've been inside of is to peek a project. I love roasts so much. Oh, man. In all sincerity. In all sincerity. I think there's only two reasons that people get so offended by this kind of comedy that they take it personally, is they have a very particular bias that they will not put down or they simply aren't at a place of intelligence quotient to recognize that the exact opposite is happening. You don't roast people unless you actually care about them. And oftentimes when someone is saying jokes that are insulting, like I have heard straight up, I've heard, I can think of so many different things that jokes have been said seriously. Like Bill Barr has said something or Ricky Gervais who've said something that was definitively insulting to something I hold very precious. I just don't understand why people like say boycott them. They don't let them talk. I've never understood it. This was so freaking funny. I'm sad they don't do more. Obviously I don't know if NIB is not around anymore. But man, do I wish somebody would come up with a way because obviously there's so many people in the industry you could, I mean, everything about Kieran Johar could be, he could be himself. Yeah. On your own cash, they should be like on your own slash Kieran Johar roasts. And speaks volumes of the person to allow themselves to be roasted. So like, somebody, like, that's exactly who I was just going to reference. If Big B allowed himself to be roasted, everybody would have such a hard time doing it. They love him so much. They love him so much. And would, it would be so, it's just, it's another side of people's personalities to see. Yeah. Um, I, this was fantastic. Maybe we can put one on one day. Yeah. This was fantastic. Yeah. It was. So funny. Really good. I'm sad that AIB's gone. Yeah. I think they had some. They've done some great stuff. I don't know who it was, but I think they said someone with me too happened. Yeah. I don't know who, I don't know who exactly was in their, in their corporation, but I know it was something along that lines. Yeah. But yeah, they've done, their content was so good and this was so great. They should do, India should do more of these. Absolutely. There's so many artists who you could just roast and it would be so fun. So fun. It's just fun too. It's fun. It's great advertising. It's great social relations. It gets you past all of the other things that they do. And then obviously for this, I think it's pretty clear that all of the ticket sales went to charity. So this kind of event, it's wonderful. That was great. So good. Well, if there's more of that kind of stuff. I don't think there is, but if there is, please send it my way. Yes. I do love roasts. Yes. You guys should roast us. That'd be fun. Well, they do in the comments. In the comments. In the comments. All the time. Josh!