 Okay, I'm sorry. Just pray for the work of that God, whatever is hard and unneedling, Father, let there be a breaking down of it, God. Yes, Master, we thank you. We thank you for this exhortation. We thank you for this instruction to break up the follow ground of our hearts, to circumcise ourselves to the Lord, to remove the four skins of our hearts. Yes, Father God, to consecrate ourselves to you, Father God, to receive more from you, God, to receive a lot from you so that our hearts can be prepared, Father God, or whatever areas of our heart that is not prepared to receive, Master, we pray that there will be a preparation even right now as we pray and seek your face, God. Prepare us, prepare our hearts, whatever is hard and unneedling, oh God, whatever is not right, whatever needs to be consecrated, God, whatever God is, Lord insensitive to the leading of your spirit, God. I pray there will be change even right now. There will be change in the inner man, God. Thank you, Father God. Thank you, Master. Yes, Lord, we come at ourselves into your mighty hands, Father God, Lord, even as we continue to do this, I pray, God, that we will receive a rich deficit, oh God, of your word, Father God, revelation, understanding, wisdom, Lord, which we have not received till now, God, something that you've kept in store for us, God, that we will receive it and walk in it. We thank you. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen. Amen. Okay, so I hope everybody's doing fine. We'll start from where we left last class. Last class, we looked at chapter seven, I think, seven or eight. Yeah, chapter eight. Right, so we looked at how sexuality, a very important aspect of marriage, nothing to be shy away from. And also it's not a taboo because it is something that is designed by God. It's God's gift. So we see that in its right place, in the right perspective, we see that it is to be enjoyed, and it is for enjoyment, it is for procreation, and the way the Lord has designed it so that it can be an expression of commitment, an expression of love, and an expression of affection. So we saw all that. And yeah, so just today, let's look at chapter nine. Oh, before we go there, I think for the online class, the quiz, first quiz is uploaded. I think some of you have already answered. Right, so just wanted to request you to go ahead and answer. You have time till Saturday to submit your quiz papers. So it's an online quiz, so you can go ahead and do that like this week. Right, okay. Okay, let me just share the PowerPoint. Okay, so today we're looking at the husband and wife in marriage becoming a team. Okay, so a very important aspect of marriage. So the thing is that both the husband and wife are on the same side. Okay, they are not at opposing ends. They're not competing with one another. They're not fighting one another. The view of marriage is this, that they are on the same team. Okay, so if one can visualize that saying, okay, both husband and wife are part of the same team, we are in the same team. So if you played any sport and if you played a team sport, you'll know the dynamics of a team. The team is working towards the same objective, to win, to practice, to win a game, a tournament, and they're doing everything possible to harmonize together, to synchronize together. And I'm sure that we would have seen the effects of someone just playing for their own. Okay, and I remember when we were in school, I was part of the football team and there was this guy who was the center forward and he was brilliant. And he was brilliant. He was more like a prodigy. He could actually win games on his own. So we remember that when he gets a ball, there's no question of passing to the others. He will just take it and he'll go and try to do that. So I remember the coach telling him, you pass it. If you see someone else in a very advantageous position and they're placed there and they can score, you would pass it to them. You don't have to take it yourself. You pass it to them. It's a team sport. So I remember that. So the thing is that we're not going for individual excellence and doing everything on our own and trying to outdo the other or highlighting ourselves or bringing ourselves into focus. But it is something that we're doing together. And so there are many advantages to that and definitely there's a lot more synergy and a lot more that can be accomplished when we have that in mind. We have that mindset that we are a team. We're working together. So let's look at some of those aspects of becoming a team and what are some things that would hinder the couple from becoming a team? And what are the advantages of being a team and also what are some of the things that individually one needs to do for the team to function well, for the team to reach its objectives. So we're just going to look at a few things on those lines. So the main thing is that there are challenges that everyone faces. There are challenges that the husband faces, the wife faces and together as a team and as a couple, the ability to face life's challenges together is definitely more. The ability to face such challenges, the ability to endure the challenges, the ability to overcome challenges. So we see that it's not just the strength of one, but it's the strength of two. And the weakness of one is actually swallowed up in the strength of the other. Not everybody has it together. Not everybody has all the skills and abilities. And what could be a blind spot or something that the husband cannot see, a husband is not aware of, can be something that the wife is aware of and can be something that is the strength of the wife. So with that perspective, the wife is able to bring that into the marriage. And it could actually protect the husband. It could greatly enhance the skills and abilities of the husband. It could provide the right encouragement and support that the husband really needs. And vice versa for the wife as well. The weakness of a spouse is swallowed up because of the strength of the other. So let's go on to look at the scripture, which is in Ecclesiastes. Ecclesiastes four versus nine to 12. Two are better off than one because together they can work more effectively. If one of them falls down, the other can help him up. But if someone is alone and falls, it's just too bad because there is no one to help him. If it is cold, two can sleep together and stay warm. But how can you keep warm by yourself? Two people can resist an attack that would defeat one person alone. A rope made of three cords is hard to break. Now, we know that this scripture is not really in the context of marriage. It is in the context of any relationship or it's in the context of just collectively being able to do more and achieve more. But the thing is, we can apply it in marriage and we see that it's, verse nine, what does it say? There's effectiveness. There's a couple can be more effective in facing challenges. A couple can be more effective in whatever they are doing together. It can be much more impactful. The efficiency increases and therefore the measure of success or the opportunity to succeed is more. Verse 10 talks about if one fails or if one falls down, there is help. There is immediate help. There is encouragement. All of us go through discouragement and in the marriage scenario, in a marriage relationship, there is encouragement coming from the closest person, one spouse. It talks about support, encouragement, verse 11, keeping warm, not just physically but also emotionally, companionship. This is just the opposite of isolation, which is just the opposite of one being on their own loneliness and all that. There's a solution for that. It is rectified. And also, there is a strength, verse 12, to resist an attack. If one is alert, the other person is not. Also, there is enhanced strength, increased strength. So the marriage does come under attack spiritually as also us as believers individually. So with two people, some of the things that we are not aware of, the other person is able to be alert and resist and thwart the attacks of the enemy. So we see this. And the other thing that we see in another scripture is Matthew chapter 18 and verses 19 and 20, which is the power of agreement, which is really an important thing in marriage. And Satan tries to really attack and bring to nothing this aspect or really kind of weaken this aspect. So this is Matthew chapter 18 and verses 19 to 20. So in the Good News version, this is how it reads, and I tell you more, whenever two of you on earth agree about anything, you pray for it. It will be done for you by my Father in heaven. So where two or three come together in my name, I am there with them. So if you look at verse 19, it says, I tell you more, whenever two of you agree about anything that you pray for. So there is agreement and the power of agreement here. And it's interesting the word, which you may know already, the word used there, a symphonio, it's, it picturizes, from which we get the word symphony, right. So it really talks about all the, you know, maybe you can imagine an orchestra with different kinds of instruments and percussion and wind and string instruments and, you know, each playing their part, and each playing musicians playing their notes and they are, you know, they are comp the composition playing their role at the right time, playing at the right time, stopping at the right time, you know, so that there is harmony. Okay. If you, if you look at the New King James version, like Matthew 18 and verse 19 says, again, I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, okay, so it'll be done by done for them by my Father in heaven. So here again, the power of agreement. So we see that same really tries to weaken this between, you know, married couples. And so they're not able to come to a place of agreement. Right. They're not able to come to a place of agreement and praying, you know, maybe they're sitting together and praying together, but in their hearts, you know, they're not really agreeing together, because this is not just a very superficial thing saying, okay, let's agree, let's pray. But it's, it goes beyond that goes beyond the surface. Right. It's like an orchestra playing together. It's like, you know, musicians playing together a team that's playing together and doing things effectively. Right. So there is harmony, and there is coordination, and it's synchronized well. Right. So, so this is the promise of the Lord. Okay. And it is the promise to the church. And the Lord is saying, we're two or three are gathered. I'm there. And if there is agreement, and when you pray with agreement, I am going to answer, and those are going to be a release of things. Okay. And if you, you know, if you recall, if you're looking at I think it's first Peter, let's, let's just go there. Okay. First Peter chapter three and verse seven. Right. We've seen this before, this verse. First Peter chapter three and verse seven. Here also, we see this instruction, husbands likewise dwell with them with understanding, like talking to how to dwell with the wife, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel, and as being as together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. Again, so this dwelling with understanding, honoring one another has a spiritual impact. Right. It's not just, okay, there'll be peace in the home, or, you know, everybody will be in a good mood. You know, there's no unpleasantness. Right. It's, it's not just that. So it has a deeper impact. It has a spiritual impact. So here, Peter is saying that, you know, so that your prayers may not be hindered, and the, which is the same thing, which the Lord is saying that if you agree together and you ask the Lord will grant, which means that if you flip it, you know, that was, if you're not going to be agreeing, then, well, there's some kind of a mismatch, right? It's, it's, it's going to be a barrier. So it's going to hinder the prayers. So come together in agreement. Okay. So, so we see this very important aspect of togetherness, of agreeing together, and we see that it's, it's spiritual. It has its spiritual impact. Okay. So, okay. So what are some hindrances? What are some things that hinder the couple from becoming a team? It's, it's good that we know what are these hindrances so that we can avoid and we can be aware of it. Sometimes we don't even know, you know, we, okay, I'm just doing what I'm doing, and I don't even, you know, realize that something that I'm doing is a hindrance to the marriage. It's a hindrance to, for the couple to work together as a team, right? So it's good that we know we are aware of, okay, of this very thing. What is it that can actually hinder? Okay. So first thing that we see is self-preservation. Okay. What is that? If we are going to put our thing, our needs first. Okay. Saying that, okay. Self-preservation, we need to get it right. Self-preservation, that's the basic human, you know, can't say need or desire, but it's an instinct, right? So if there is danger, you want to preserve yourself so that you can live long. You know, if there's, you know, your body needs, has some needs, you want to take care of that. So that's the thing. But if you want to go our own way, okay, as an individual, without the understanding that now, you know, the two have become one, you know, we are one entity. So if I'm going to focus on my needs, and if I'm going to, you know, hold on to that, you know, sense of individuality very strongly, and I'm going to say, okay, you know, this is mine, and this is incident of, you know, having, you know, this is ours. Right. Now, that's a very important thing to be able to share. In fact, if you look at, you know, if you look at the vows, the wedding, the marriage vows that a couple makes at the altar, you know, it's like, you know, in sickness, and in health, in good times, in bad times, and etc., and, and, you know, with all possessions, and with my body, and everything I honor you, and, you know, so we're actually saying, you know, basically saying that, okay, all that I have is yours. In fact, there is a line like that, you know, all that I am is yours. And a wife also says the same thing, you know, all that I am is yours. So that's the vow that is made, and it's beautiful. It's all based on the word of God, right, based on scripture. So we're saying that, okay, we are, you know, we are, identity is now as a couple, and that doesn't mean that my individuality will just disappear. No, I'm unique, uniquely made, fashioned by God, and God, you know, truly, you know, esteems that and all that. But the fact is that I have this as something which supersedes everything else, right? So, okay, if, if you're going to always hold on to, okay, me, I, me, mine, my needs, then that is going to hinder us from becoming a team. Okay, so we're not putting the other person first, you know, thinking about the needs of the other person. We're not thinking about the problems of the other person. So every time there could be a challenge, you know, we're putting ourselves first and saying, okay, I need to be taken care of. And as long as that is done, then I'm fine. Right, which is also the second thing, which is selfishness. Right, so I'm looking at myself, I'm looking at my needs. And that is, you know, that is given more importance than the needs of the other person. It's always, if that's going to be a trend, you know, if there are needs of the other person, not even consider, are not even, you know, given importance are not taken care of, right, and it's going to be then there's no question of the husband and wife working together or living together as a team. Right, it's not, it's just that two individuals giving importance to their, you know, their own things, their own needs, placing themselves, esteeming themselves greater than the other person. And it's going to result in a lot of, you know, a lot of conflict, it's going to result in a lot of selfishness and everything. And we see that that's, you know, that's going to happen, right. So, you know, and this can be, you know, in all areas of their lives, it could be maybe of our lives, it could be maybe work, maybe certain things, priorities, everything. Okay, so everything gets affected because of this, not able to work together as a team. Third thing that we see is competition. Okay, so if we are competing against one another, now, you know, that's, that's another thing, right, supposing there is a, there is a competition where one is trying to outdo the other. Let's say, okay, the husband is, or the wife is earning more than the husband and the husband feels insecure, threatened and, you know, is trying to, you know, do whatever it takes in order to earn more and be in a better position. And that's, you know, so what is happening here is that the husband is not looking at marriage as, or, you know, it's not even celebrating the accomplishments, celebrating the fact that why, well, the, you know, the wife has accomplished so much and, and therefore, you know, there is so much progress in her life and career. So the husband is not even, you know, acknowledging that, not celebrating that. And instead, trying to outdo the other. Okay, there's nothing wrong in being ambitious, there's nothing wrong in giving our best at work. And, you know, Bible talks about how in all labor, there is reward, there is reward. So in giving our best and being excellent, you know, there's nothing wrong. But if we are going to do all that saying, okay, I need to be better than my wife, or I need to be better than my husband at this, then there is something wrong. So that is competition. So, so what would happen is that, you know, it's like a team that is competing with one another. Right. So let's say in a game like football, and then the center forward is there, and then he's asking for a pause is there is positioned in the right place to score the goal. But you know, what do you call the other teammate, you know, who's probably the right wing or the left, you know, he is not passing the ball. He's not passing saying, okay, every time that happens, he's in the right place to score. And so who loses, the team loses. Right. The team loses. Why? Because there's self-centeredness. Why? Because there is, you know, there's a sense of competition, you know, I don't want that person to do better than me. Okay, so that spoils the relationship. And it's it hinders the couple from becoming an effective team. And, you know, in line with that is also pride, pride. And it, and it, you know, it's so subtle sometimes it comes up in different ways, you know, in con in conversations in in generally an attitude itself, right, where one person feels that I'm better than my spouse. I'm better than my spouse. And it's a subtle sense of pride, you know, I'm better at organizing things. It's basically highlighting the weakness of the other person. And maybe, you know, it's a it is a weakness, you know, there's no that is a truth. But in comparing that weakness with one's own strength comes to the conclusion that, okay, I'm better. And there's a sense of pride. I'm better at doing this than, than my spouse. And so as a result of that, one begins to talk down, look down, consider the other person as, you know, as someone who's lower, right, who's not worth it. So, you know, that's a starting point of a lot of other problems like so, right, okay, and, and, and another one could be blaming constant blaming. If anything goes wrong, you know, you're just trying to put the blame on the other. Okay, if anything goes wrong, maybe, you know, there was something that needed to be done, some bills that needed to be paid. And one person was given the responsibility and, well, it was not done. You try to find something, find some reason and fix the blame or put the blame on the other, not really taking responsibility for one's own actions. Right. So, so that happens over and over again. If that is going to happen, you know, blaming the other person instead of taking responsibility, then, well, it's going to be a problem. We're not going to be working together as a team. That's a major hindrance. Okay, then, see, the thing is, there will be problems, there will be challenges. Okay, so instead of solving, if you're going to focus on the problem, okay, if you're going to focus on the problem, talk about the problem and also complain about the problem with one another. And, you know, we're just going to leave it at that instead of solving, instead of looking at it positively and saying, okay, now we have this problem. Now, how can we solve it? Okay, what are the solutions? What are the options? Right? What are the resources? Can we can we work at solving it? What can you do? What can I do? Now, can we, you know, can we pray about this? Can we solve this? Right? So that, that becomes a hindrance. And this is a small list. I'm sure that there could be other hindrances as well. Okay. So now let's look at, you know, just a second, sorry. Now, let's look at what is it that would make a good husband and wife team? Okay. The first thing, of course, is when there is understanding, they understand each other. Okay. And they respect one another. They understand their differences. They respect their differences. Okay. Now, now the thing is, when we understand one another, we are, we are, we are looking at each other's strengths. We are looking at each other's weaknesses. Okay. And we are talking about it in a non condescending manner. Okay. And saying, okay, I know you have these challenges. Now let's, let me try helping. Okay. So, so in a, in an honorable manner. Okay. And not in a manner that we are making fun of or not putting down the other person saying, okay, these are, these are things that these are differences. This is how you do it. You know, like, for example, one person could be, well, could be a very, you know, could be early riser, for example. Right. There's always an early riser morning person, you know, a crack of dawn, they are up and about and, you know, but the other person is more of a late riser, late night kind of a person. Well, there's bound to be, that's a big difference, right. And right there, it's a, it's a major difference. So schedules, energy levels, everything, you know, in the sense, like this person is ready in morning, they're ready for conversation, ready for, you know, full on energy active. But the other person is just, you know, just leave me alone. You know, I'm still sleeping. I'm still, you know, I'm still not up yet. So, so the thing is, okay, this is a big major difference. So how do we work things out? Okay, to understand one another, to understand the difference, and also to come to a place of respecting, okay, this is how this person is wired. Now it's going to face some challenges, you know, especially you know, if certain things need to be done, okay, certain things need to be done together, which requires either waking up early or staying up late. Now, there has to be some kind of a mutual understanding, mutual communication about it, instead of putting down the other person, instead of saying, okay, I'm good at this, I can do this, and you're not good at this, it's just that they are wired a little differently. Okay, so understand each other, respect differences, and then support. Okay, you understand the, and respect the roles. Okay, now the differences are one thing, and then the roles are another thing, you know, you can't say one role is less than the other, okay, they're all playing different roles, or carrying out different roles and responsibilities, right. So the husband cannot say that, okay, you know, I'm here, I'm working at the office, and the whole day I'm there, and, you know, I'm the one who's earning, and it is, you know, you need to give that more importance, and you are just staying at home, and you're just, you know, taking care of the kids, you know, absolutely no, absolutely not, right. So you understand each other's roles, and you recognize that these roles, these responsibilities, well, they require effort, and they require support from each other, and also, you know, we're going to look at it a little later, that, you know, things happen in seasons, you know, in this season, well, this is a role, this responsibility, so we need to support, understand one another. Okay, so when the husband and wife are able to share interests and pursue common goals, then there is, you know, there is, they're building each other up as a team. Okay, so what are these, share, sharing of interests and pursuing of common goals, it could be in various forms, you know, spiritually, it could be maybe some, something to do with studies, academically, intellectually, it could be something to do with special interests or hobbies or something that they've, you know, in terms of entertainment, in terms of sport, whatever, right, so if they're able to share that willingness to share and giving them the space and the opportunity, giving each other, you know, that space and opportunity to share all these common goals, then, then, and also talk about it and also to be able to pursue that. Okay, you know, let's, let's have some, so that, that builds them as, as a team, builds a couple as a team. Okay, and then the next thing is that when both work at being good team players instead of individual stars, I think we looked at that, right. So, so the thing is this, so what will, what will help? Okay, so what will really help in working together and how can it help? How can we do it practically? You know, it's, it's good to say, okay, I want to be a good team player and yeah, but how does that work out practically? Okay, so the thing is this that, okay, let's find out what are some things that we can do together? What are some common interests? What are some common goals that we can pursue together? You know, it could be serving in church, it could be, you know, a sport or it could be something that is leisure, it could be some responsibility, you know, like maybe cooking or arranging stuff and maybe washing things, whatever, you know, all these are there, right, as responsibilities in the household. There could be other things as well. So to find those things that we can, that the husband and wife can do together, pursue together, right. So instead of going, you know, going off on their own, it's good to give space, you know, for example, one person might be very into reading or maybe into listening to music or any other hobby, okay, while the other person may not be as interested or may not be passionate or completely disinterested, so that is fine, you know, like we give each other the space. But at the same time, it's good to share, okay, these are my interests, it's good to share with one another and also it's good to, you know, take that opportunity to learn about the interests of the other, okay, and do something, pursue something together, okay, what are those things, okay, you give each other the space, these are some things that you can do, that's fine, okay, but do alone on your own, that's fine, absolutely okay, but you know, what are some things that we can pursue together, you know, that there should be some things, right, or even if one person is not interested, you know, can you learn, can you show some interest, can you learn, can you do some things together, it's very important, okay, so then so you can communicate, evaluate, decide on things, and also to be able to, you know, this is a big one, right, to be able to give feedback, to be able to say that something is, you know, feedback good and bad, or to be able to critique, you know, some effort or some idea or some proposal, some plan, okay, so husband says, okay, you know, I think, you know, this is a wonderful thing, let's go, you know, let's do this, let's put some money in this, let's do this, to be able to receive criticism, constructive criticism, constructive feedback from the spouse, it's very important, right, to be able to even consider and see if there is any truth to it, you know, because we understand that, oh, we don't have all of it together, we don't have everything, like there could be certain blind spots that we are not aware of, so maybe the wife, maybe the spouse is able to, you know, see that, and based on that, say something, you know, it could be in the area of, you know, relationships, you know, like the spouse, the other person is saying, look, something is wrong with this person, you know, please be careful, you know, I know you want to trust and you want to help and you want to do this, but something, I sense that something is wrong, let's take some time, so weigh those things, right, give weightage for that, and give, you know, give that space, give that freedom to be able to give feedback, okay, so well, this is one of the things that we can do, that one doesn't become very defensive and one is not insecure and give each other the space, okay, then a couple of other things also that, you know, when you commit to something, when you do it, when you constantly don't find excuses or reasons why you couldn't do it, but actually, you know, put in that effort and do it, that also helps to be a good team player, okay, so when we share each other's strengths, then there is amazing things that can happen as a family, as a team, like one person is, you know, strength is maybe, you know, maybe one person is very extroverted and they're able to connect with people, the other person is maybe slightly introverted, maybe they are able to reflect and go deeper and, you know, they're able to study the other person next to a spouse, you know, just meeting everybody and saying hello and hi and, well, that's fine, but they may not necessarily be able to discern, to judge, because their strength is actually in connecting with people, you know, but the other person is able to, you know, discern certain things, you know, these are some things to be careful about, these are some things to commit to, these are some things that we need to avoid, so when you bring those two strengths together, then you see that there is, that strength is multiplied many times over, you know, what you do together as a couple is multiplied many times over, okay, now, and it can work in ministry, like maybe one person is strong, maybe the area of calling also, calling and anointing, you know, each person is called differently, anointed differently, we're going to look at that, you know, when we work for kingdom, for the kingdom, so how it really helps and how it enhances and takes the whole thing to another level, and there's agreement when there is, you know, when there's awareness of strength and then when there's agreement to work together, it takes everything to a whole, another level, right, and you see that yes, this is what, this is how God meant it to be, like this is how God wants it to be, and you see that Satan actually attacks that very thing, for the couple to work together as a team, you know, to keep them separate, and not just Satan, but our own flesh, right, our own flesh, our own under new thinking, you know, our own selfishness and everything that has not been put to death by the cross, right, we have not crucified it, right, so all these things really hinder us from becoming a team, so becoming a team, it's very, very important as a husband and wife, and yeah, we'll take a break now, and this is when we come back, we're going to look at what can be the attitude, some basic important foundational attitudes for being, you know, for bringing that into the marriage, so that can be a great team, okay, so we'll take a break, and then we'll come back, okay.