 Hi, I'm Matthew coast head dating coach and founder at commitment connection calm in today's video We're gonna talk about how to get him to commit in the age of the hookup culture So as you probably know by now the hookup culture has really kind of spread like wildfire through Western society everybody's just trying to hook up with each other and it's just yeah Tinder everybody's let's just hook up It's just a big hook-up thing going on and as I talked about yesterday Um, I really feel like this is devaluing Women in men's eyes and I feel like it's a really it's hindering them from having the types of relationships they want I think it's preventing women as a whole from really getting deeper relationships and You know if you really want to Have a real relationship with a man There's one simple thing that you need to do you need to be different than all the other women that are out there So for most men here, let me let me explain something about men that I think is very kind of significant and important in terms of This whole hookup culture thing and why it's so important to be different For most men It's much it's far easier to go from Being in a committed relationship to being in a casual relationship then it is to go from being in a casual relationship to being in a committed relationship and You know one of the things that Happens in a man's mind when you just start You know when you just hook up with a guy is that He might have been open to something serious and real with you before the hookup and Just hooking up with him might have cut that off for him. So Studies have shown that Going from a casual relationship to a committed one works like one out of nine times Which if you don't know it's not a lot It does mean that it can work sometimes and and I'll talk more about that in other videos, but for the most part It's really difficult for a man to go there and But for women generally speaking what I found is that a lot of women Jump into kind of hookup relationships casual relationships because in their mind they're thinking oh, I'm just gonna go you know have fun with this guy and And they don't realize how things really work for them When they get into that sexual relationship? So first what I want to do is tell you some rules that I think that you should follow and or If you want to have the committed relationship that you want with a man In the age of the hookup culture and so the first rule is kind of what I was just talking about which is knowing They how things work for you. Um, so Usually when I talk to a woman who? Is in a casual relationship who's trying to get into a committed relationship? What she'll tell me is that she did it because she thought it would be fun at the time Right and then she ended up catching feelings as I like to call it and next thing you know that She was having sex with this guy and she Started falling in love with him and now she wants a committed relationship with him You know like I just said it that's not how things work for men, right men Typically unless he goes into it thinking, you know, I do want something more with this woman there's a really high probability chance that He's not gonna want anything more with you if you just hook up with him and so You know, I I know guys who have been in Relationships or casual friend with benefits relationships for 10 plus years with women and they don't want Anything more with that woman Other than just to hook up with her and and usually by that time the woman is like hey I think we're in this committed relationship And then there's this big fight that ends up happening and usually there's a really painful breakup that comes from it Because the woman starts to realize that she just wasted 10 years of her life with this guy who wasn't serious about her ever and so You know know how things work for you as a woman How things tend to work is that if you start sleeping with a guy You'll eventually develop feelings for him and that's not how it typically works for men So just keep that in mind if that's you just know that That might happen to you so rule number two is have some standards Friend with benefits is not a stage from meeting a man to marriage And so if you want to have something serious and exclusive with a man Don't waste your time getting into situations that have very little chance a very little chance of giving you what you want Instead figure out what it is that you want and you need from a relationship and make sure that you're getting those things Before you jump in right so make sure that he's not involved or emotionally connected to another woman Make sure that he's ready to get into something serious make sure that the two of you can support each other and what you value and want in life and You know have real conversations with the guy about these things. So a guy's not going to force you to have a conversation with him about these and you know trying to kind of You know figure out what's going on with a man like he's some kind of jigsaw puzzle that you're trying to put together Without looking at the the finished picture doesn't work. It doesn't you know you need to make sure that you have real conversations with them and A man that's just trying to have something casual is going to avoid these conversations. So You know and if he's looking for something real, he'll be honest with you about it So make sure you're having those conversations and make sure that you're getting into something that you want to get into From the start so rule number three goes along with rule number two and it's setting and maintaining Boundaries so women who end up in the types of Relationships that they want with men are the types of women who move on from situations that they don't want Until they find what they do want. You may you might want to write that one down. So if you're You know the women that end up in relationships that they don't want are women who Just stay in bad Relationships or they ignore red flags or they just hang out with guys that Aren't exactly what they want for a long period of time. They end up settling. They end up really being resentful. They end up You know breaking up 10 15 years later coming back and going man I wish I didn't just waste so much of my life with this guy that I didn't really want, you know, and you Just talk to women in our community about that You'll you'll hear tons of women tell you these horror stories of wasting time with men and it's it's really a painful thing So women that get into the relationships they want They don't accept men into their lives who aren't mature enough and aren't ready to create the type of Relationship that they want to have they don't have sex with these types of men They don't try to trick these men into wanting something more with them And they they don't get into situations that don't serve them And then try to hope and pray that it turns into something that they want believe it or not if you Hold a standard for men and you stick to it A man is much more likely to step up to to a to the plate and give you a real relationship then You know if you don't hold those standards, then he'll just assume that You're willing to let him walk all over you treat you like a set sex object and never require anything more from him And if you don't have that standard set When you meet a man if you don't have these boundaries That you stick to You know, even if a man was open to having something more with you before It's like it flips a switch in a man's mind where he no longer sees you as relationship and marriage material and It makes him start thinking of you as something that's more casual and I know that sounds bad But it's really about value here You know if you believe that you're a valuable woman and you project that value to a man if he If he believes that you're valuable as well Then he'll he'll do he'll move mountains for you He'll you know fly he'll you know travel across the world for you, you know And if he doesn't see that value in you Then he won't he won't do any of that for you and so part of it is Maintaining boundaries and believing that you are valuable in yourself and another part of it is him looking at you and feeling like you're valuable and so it's kind of a There's two kind of separate components there and you need both of them there and the boundaries part is believing in yourself and believing that You're the valuable one so rule number four is Discovering what really works in getting the relationship that you want So here are some things that do not work in getting the relationship you want Convincing a man that you're perfect for each other that never works Using sex to try to make him feel something for you that doesn't work either Buying a man gifts or doing favors and errands for that for him. That's really being in your masculine and that's You know when you're masculine when you're in your masculine a guy might like you but at best you'll you'll you know think of you as like one of the guys or Think of you as something casual Another thing that doesn't work is playing games or using manipulation tactics that stuff works short term doesn't work long term Seeking his approval that is that just makes your value go way down and makes him see you as somebody that he doesn't want anything to do with Calling or texting him all the time You know we talk I talk more about this and some of my videos and programs and stuff But there's a thing called mirroring and that's that's really where you want to be when it comes to calling and texting I don't think you should play games around this but at the same time I don't think that you should you know Kind of be obsessive about it either So shaming or bullying him into being the man that you're looking for this is like the worst Worst possible thing that you could ever do to a man and so many women do this and it never ever works It's never ever worked and I don't you know, I think it's kind of this righteous like you know Yeah, I deserve this and you need to act this way type of thing doesn't work That doesn't work with men at all. It'll never work. Don't do it. It'll just destroy your relationship. It'll make him hate you Just avoid that at all costs and the last thing is Listing your impressive resume or talking about guy things or becoming the social planner of his life And we talked about being masculine. This is more masculine type stuff if you're being masculine around a man It's just not attractive even if he was attracted to you before it. It's like, you know, it's total It's a total turnoff for guys, you know, it makes him go, uh, you know like What one of the a big thing that I talk about in a lot of my programs and videos and stuff is This thing about investment and the guy has to invest in you and we'll talk more about that later So all the things I just mentioned are all things that will immediately or eventually make a guy lose interest in you pull away and disappear altogether and so What a man really needs in order to want this long-term Committed relationship with a woman is he needs to feel like she is the one the one that he's been looking for His entire life or at least she might be the this amazing woman that he's looking for and You know, I just want to make a clarification here I didn't say that a man needs to think, you know, I said that he needs to feel, right? So I think a lot of people Underestimate the amount of stuff that men do based on how they feel And a man You know, especially around relationships, he's looking for that feeling he wants to feel like this woman is the one You know a man's not gonna chase you. He's not gonna pursue you. He's not gonna commit to you unless he feels This thing that makes him say this is a special amazing girl that Has come into my life And so if you want to know more about what makes that a man feel that kind of feeling for you I've got a video a link to a video underneath this video You can go to that and check check out more About what makes a man really feel like you're the type of woman that he's always been looking for in his life