 We are here outside the bricks and jam not inside the building. I was about to say in the building It's close enough somber number two main event final day of day one all that okay Let's get into it emcee on my right hand side Pedro make some noise My sponsor OCD labs all of that shit. Let's go On the left hand side Marlowe make some noise Make sure you go don't flop shop.com or come see Krishna an event don't pop us everybody teachers available now and you Don't flock much available now block block block all right three rounds no judges promo shit So please look at the viewpoint leave a comment and a log on and in YouTube box Leave a comment tweet as a comment post me a comment whatever. I think the fuck. Let's do this Marlowe chose to go first round one final about the day my man Marlowe. Let's go yo Brixton Before I start rapping. I need your help with something. I had an opening to this battle But I scrapped it because it was bollocks I'm much rather you all just get seamlessly transported to about 30 seconds into my round so you can start hearing some bars So in about 15 seconds time I'm gonna say noise for that punch line At which point I'm gonna need you all to react as if I just dropped a certified lower middle-tier quality punch line Stretched out 16 bar angle about Pedro with the punch with a set up my wrap some more dark And we'll literally just take it from there cool And I just say I have absolutely ripped this off from the comedian stew at least so if it doesn't work take it up with him Brixton make some noise for that Puck an actual dwarf I'm not back from chalk farm, and I'll punch you with Josh walls massive for our first things first Pedro I gave you a lift back from Leeds and you sat in the back Thank you for not stealing anything from my car I It's not a secret right Pedro's got a reputation right fevery so after I dropped him off I was sweating for my life got home reverse the fiesta in the dry Checking to the right checking under seas check into the side Pleasantly surprised Only reason you try to get girlfriends is to steal their wallets all their car keys You'd be pinching shit off of Bay like your Somali Pansies quarter past three raw salami Pansies quarter past three raw salami Paul McCartney. Nepali. Sorry Fucking Tory party you have a framed picture of a homemade zoo You pretend to work in being queue in a home base suit When you're up in Manny you sleeping co-jays boot you babysit for big J and his misses and they don't pay you Your mum is a road man Actually genuinely terrified of the concept of Pedro's mum seems like you go around their house and get shot in the leg for fun One time she started telling you how school wasn't for everyone while you were at a Texaco feeding your dog with a petrol pump Luckily your mother loves the bars are spit in fact. I take her out for picnics in the park And we just chat I pushed her on a swing until my arms were big and fat and her dog calling out whoopee like she was casting sister act But we love Pedro right He truly is legend status we knew he meant preparation Last I heard umbro was suing for defamation And Pedro's slightly risen up moving smoothly in elevation like Arsenal at World Dom improving his levitation So here's the thing when you come at the mountain how the fuck did you clown in trust me? I don't expect to win the way his punches accounting I only took this battle because Pedro still owes me one pound thirty four for petrol and in real life I'm too scared to confront him about it Since we're here Come on Cuff it up your little fucking pipsqueak pay I've got the receipt my fiesta tanked at 16 It was me you Rowan and shuffle in the car and somehow the petrol got split three ways Which means we paid five pound thirty six each when it should have been four or two Collection and mass calculations Something you've got to deal with You are me Rowan and shuffle each the difference of one pound thirty four and we ain't gonna yield bitch I did not write this bit to a punchline. Here's a red banana These soldiers mom will get punched in her son's lip that was both deep and true Because in a way when the babe aches doff not the bosom from which it sucks But open this back Oh Bars are as real as a red banana as real as a blue banana My bars are just right like a right banana Yo, yo, I can tell by your hair. You don't like the barber You need to go you need to go and visit a styling parlor. It looks like you've got your hair cut by a pikey farmer Like a car Oh, yo, yo, yo, yeah your mom and your sister Have a sunstrokes pussy. No, your mom and your sister have a sunstrokes Fanny They both shot pussy out of our unknown alley Yo, both of their knickers look like blood-soaked nappies. He come me wearing his mom's umbral trackies Fat blunts of skunk your grandmoms are cunt Favorite song is slam dunk the fun Yo yo shag to the gut give you cramp from the lungs jumping jack get jack from the jump Yo, I've read from her brothers in the west of Harlem Feet for my cousins up in central garden. I talk for the nut as in the pen for arson I got a voice for everyone but I'm Seth McFarlane Well, yo, Marlowe looks like a high school teacher. I couldn't give a monkey's like a tight zookeeper Oh You caught as many bodies as typhoon Peter which don't exist Yo, yo, yo, I chaff him in a back cave slap him in his dad's face jack him for his chain like your maculet and pasty Yo, don't need to strap him in a back brace drive a taxi in a drag race You can't wait to go home to start battling his flatmates I Yo, but shufflo 21 shufflo 212 is a breaking up their friendship They used to love each other and make each other breakfast for now. They practice so much It makes them argue all the time so when shuffle gets married you don't make you on the guest list And that's the reason they don't really tag team anymore. Your girlfriend looks like a drag queen Demi more Your mom looks like a crack fiend Skeletor. You've got rusty still like an antique weapon store You went on a backstreet Nelly tour with your boyfriend Yo, if I smash them any more you bring the boy them snitch to the Fed you be finger pointing your bars up to now I've been disappointing, but I will say they're usually quite cleverly written so it doesn't suit you when you start aggressively spitting your Ontorages comedy like Jeremy Piven. You're the nicest guy. I've ever had the pleasure of killing Yo, you're like a bar now that can't help Kick your marge out of your aunt's house your father out of the farmhouse then Marla will get marked out You like can't jacular if you come from South Africa Who lives on Mount Bachelor Raping circles around rappers I'm out rapping you're about as exciting as a biography about sascular right More worse than your tricky pee battle I get more views than the Philippine Channel Your wife he looks like a beatified hooker you should kill your wife off like Jimmy fly snooker Time So last week I had a wax build up in my ear Sorry ladies, I'm taken What did Pedro say to the girl when she asked him to watch her purse, sorry lady, I'm taken By this account your life is to scrounge. It's improper I don't even smoke and I get pissed off by this sick robber still the beggy type at 25 He just runs his gob till he gets some shit off you you've got a slip in the quid so he shuts up That's a gym locker. It's Marlowe Kid posher. I fly out to the Bronx to use rich dollars dishwasher On my gap y'all I lips on a witch doctor kickboxer in Tonga I constantly feel like you'll possibly stab me even at times when you're obviously happy When I was traveling in the pool, I took a stroll in the back streets, and I swear you came up to me and sold me some hashish You'll punch me on your block while you're hollering YOLO my boy will go squealing to the cops with a photo Then we'll both fuck you up with a warrant from popo finish him shuffle Fuck I forgot it was solo You said you'd give a nigma the strap it was a fucking horrible and abusive scheme I know it was only a threat, but you obtaining a firearm is something possible that I do believe you'd achieve So if you do get a gun Somewhat honorable and not shoot at me. I don't want the strap Fussy toddler on a booster scene Oh So let me get this straight 2013 you have no fans and for some reason they let you go out to king of the dock Except you have to front your own flights at a ridiculous cost And then you get there and you hear something that pisses you off Pedro What day of the event did you think you were up? Because I heard it through the grapevine. You thought you'd be with the main guys day one straight up phase Like off-board ground zeroes a place where planes fly going up to King fly like a day on after daylight He's like who are you? You're like Pedro. He's like oh Pedro. Yeah, you're on now Day five I love the idea that for some reason you still bloody expected more like hmm Maybe the reason I'm not on the fly is that they want to surprise the fans because they must just respect me more It's like you knew you're a ball boy at Wimbledon, but still turned up in your tennis shorts expecting them to be like Yeah, change of plan mate. You'll play morion You've got that I was gonna go to class, but then I took too much Mandy swagger That legally unqualified to be a baggage handler at Gatwick swagger That isn't it really cringy when Marlowe says swagger swagger Shavey swagger. He'll stab your Nana for a can of Fanta and still sell her drugs And then happy slapper And then try to save her. He'll straight Danny jacker You remind me of James Bay if he wasn't a soulful poetic folksing and with long hair But actually a short unemployed drug-dependent battle rapper Fucking time Yo, you wank off to battles from grizzle mania Your mom's a prostitute from Lithuania Marlowe's mom's into ninfo mania. She sucked off most of mandat are in Romania You got mentioned by a chiller in his battle with past you got demons in your closet You should battle your past I'm past battling for a battling past in my past battles. I was battling pause I'd be a south walk crown court. You'd be at Southport Town Hall I'm a Southport Outlaw here to show mandam about your downfall They'd be spitting out a mouth full of teeth and blood catch me in sports like a teeth in blood Run up in the hospital start teeth in blood if you crying like a baby when it's teething blood Yo, I told his mom I'm not coming there, but if I come in there, I'm a coming there She opened the door in a run the way with a zoo in the mouth like coming there Common dear a common dear by you coming dear Damage to come in there. I'll come in there look closely at his shirt He's got common there if you saw a dick now we start coming there. I make you look Prepared although you're over prepped. Why'd you always look like you over slept? Marlowe type is blatantly overrept and the margin that you're standing in you overstepped in our interview I said that you pray to Malcolm the gay battle rapper mate I found him I watched my mates surround him because he ain't never got mates around him You're more disappointing than Drazenu album. Yo, my blood shuffle over in his old school as pan and ped You've got a pen and pad. I've got a pan and ped you probably get kidnapped by Baman Fred The East tends to be flight pattern peg. You've got bisexual biceps. You buy sex from a bike shed Yo, yo, you got bisexual biceps. You buy sex from a bike shed you and your chick have an identical size chest I'm wearing an identical white vest. What's tonight ending a fright fest? You go to grind festivals and bisexuals your girl if my testicles bright red Yo, yo, so resting piece to half a shuffle your girl used to play for Spartak Moscow Yo, yo, I should be getting free garms from umbral you be following chicks trying to start a convo You made a micro memory card in your biochemistry class. You need to go to psychotherapy fast Your life will cry ogetically pass in suspended animation if your biochemistry class don't attend your graduation time You pop a shocking Facebook status recently that really could do repeating like this if you're a prolific young offender Pedro you are a ridiculous human being I wasn't shocked that you try to brag about that. That's some shit that we're used to seeing I just couldn't believe you used the word prolific and knew the meaning I swear to God on my family's life. This next story is a hundred percent absolutely true Pedro comes Pedro comes up to me in the event like my little bled you're gonna laugh at this one thing Gets out his passport that they'd asked for at the bar when he come in I got some next real name. He said laughing and jumping check it out. My real name is like Felani or like Fazzani or some shit Or some shit Pedro doesn't even know his own name No wonder he's such a fuck up Imagine how hard the actual process of hunting for a job is walks into the jcp like yeah, I'm looking for that It's something in an office. They're like great. Just got to fill in a couple of these boxes name. Oh, yeah. It's like it's a funny story I'm a fucking cunt and I forgot it So it's what you're laughing for half past four They were going to give him a job at cards galore, but he put Pedro as his first name surname and birthday on the start of four How do you not know your own name? I mean, you could have psychotraumatic amnesia where the memory goes wrong Gradual neuro anatomical decay is the mentor is coaxed on brain damage Metal in your head like a robot, but the punchline is still you're just Pedro from don't flop Pedro lives such an incredible existence Genuinely true facts or observations about him sound like a Pedro freestyle. He'd be dropping as a bar For example, check this all Pedro facts all Pedro yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo You be you be ripping man's shirts to see their bodies in their arms You get banned from battle leaks because you be robbing women dog You use your parents houses and a lot one for your plants and your mom's a happy lady because you're showing her a half Yo, look you looked yourself in the mirror and say I wash you in the bath You go to pen for you go to pen for misinterpreting the politics of r A wealth stripper does all of your shopping for your gums and big j delivers you McDonald's to your yard All facts I want to take you all back To junior school To your primary days Remember year six sats They might be my fave because even if you weren't exactly bright, they would say you got 10 of your mark just by writing your name But look when you freestyle it's amazing ped it's always funny and it's what the crowd want I know when it comes to multi syllables. You're a junkie. So look i'm calling time now But hey, pedro is rhyming challenge to start off this next round right now rhyme with performing monkey. All right Yo, yo your horse a junkie Like an awful hunkie your mother looks like pugsly but more like Dumbie. Oh, fuck it. All right. All right. Look here You said oh, I can't remember now what you said. Fuck it. All right. Look here. I wish I remembered that bar But anyway, look here. Oh, yo, yo your favorite animals a sperm whale Oh, yo, you feel dots like you're trying to learn braille your girl's mustache She's got a fucking bird tail and make you stand barefoot on the third rail It's marlowe time marlowe lives that ken barlowe life She's got funny dark old eyes. He buys cocaine at oregano price. Right Yo, yo, yo One two three four five once I caught a fish alive wait, let me get this All right Yo, I'll put my dick inside your sister's wife when it's fit all right I split this guy. Yo a 69 with your sister on a fucking winter night Then a headbutt of 60 times till she cries a fucking brazilian rice fucking Brazilian rice i'm pitting this guy a million times what you're gonna say i fucking discriminate discriminates and Feminize an avatar with this simple guy. Yo, fuck it. You live the life of a fucking of sister act Yo, you is a guy but you is a dyke and your sister's fat. Yo, I've got a cricket bat to your mother and i'm in the flat Yo making supper while i'm piffing crack taking your brother for the biggest pack and a raid and you're drunk with the With the fucking swinging silver racks. Yo, yo, yo, fuck you predicting my bar I've run into your yard with swimming trunks on and then I start piffing cigars yo I Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, I covered his stairwell in hair gel and a breath out Yeah, well Yo, yo, my bars are loud like an air bell in a tropical storm overhead bars like an obstacle course I said this before tonight Fuck knows i might have it's a bar anyway. It's a bar anyway. Yo, half vodka and half lemonade i'm None of it took away. Yo, I jerk your face run away on a runway track as a Bunder haze. Yo, your mother is underweight. Your son is overweight. You don't even have a son, but you look fucking fake Yo, you need to resuscitate as I suffocate your mother with a pillow under the fucking snowboards and Sun finales. Yo, right, right, right. I'm sort of flopping now your mother Fucking is under underground bonning brown and she's fucking from under moroccan town where nobody even comes around Yo, yo, yo, he likes to come around my yard. Yo bonning white tie glass I come with some nice bars, but this bit's a bit of a flop. I've been ripping you up. Your sister's knickers are off color Your mother your mother is a fucking non chucker Your brother is a dumb fucker and he is a fucking mother fucker Fuck it. All right. I've got three bars left. Yo, you got a retard's head Yo, he wears knee guards in a fucking three-part shed or something. Let's go. I have flops I couldn't remember the fire, but fuck it. Let's go. Let's go With lines like that, you won't see me stressing because after this battle you're gonna be upset When I let the de press him