 The makers of Wrigley Spearman Chewing Gum invite you to enjoy life. Life with Luigi, a new comedy show created by Psy Howard and starring that celebrated actor, Mr. J.K. You know friends, Wrigley Spearman Chewing Gum is a typically American product that appeals to people of all ages and nationalities in all parts of our country. And the Wrigley people feel that Life with Luigi is a typically American radio program. A friendly, enjoyable show that sort of symbolizes the American spirit of tolerance and goodwill. So the makers of Wrigley Spearman, Gum are glad to bring you Life with Luigi each week and have you join them in this pleasant half-hours entertainment. And now let's read Luigi's letter as he writes about his adventures in America to his mama basco in Italy. Has the one thing I'm gonna notice about Americans. Everybody likes to join a club. Boys, they join a YMCA. Girls, they got to the YWCA. And the little animals who's the lonely, they join in the ASAPCA. But they also got to clubs for big animals. If you a lion, you join in the lions. If you a elk, you join in the elks. And if you a moose, you join in the mooses. One club, I'm never even a new, is a such an animal. Mama Mia, maybe you know what's the key of one name. Anyway, they got all the kinds of a clubs. Rotary, Friars, is a 4-H in a brandy, is in a scouts. They even got a club, a Yucca can join. That's a Colorado club. But in our neighborhood, we got the best kind of club. It's called the boys' club. And we all help out. The reason I'm gonna write you about this club is because a few days ago, I was, I had to live in my antique shop for a few hours. And when I'm coming back, who I'm assisting in the front of my store, but to my countrymen of Pasquale. And here's a say, like he's always a say when he's a see me. Luigi, my friend. Hello, Luigi, hello, hello. Hello, Pasquale. Hey, how come you're standing in front of my store instead of your spaghetti palace? Well, you see, Luigi, a little while ago, the supervisor from the boys' club was to come around and raise the money. Oh, you see, maybe he doesn't need the money for food, huh? No, no, no, that's the money for the gymnasium. They need the supplies for the gym. You know how they don't like the kids to shoot a craps in the street when they got a gymnasium so kids can go and shoot craps in there. And so they need the money for supplies? That's right. They figure if they supply the dice, the kids are sure gonna play that. Pasquale is a no-go to kids who shoot a shoot a craps altogether. Well, they got other games, I'm sure. Breaking out of jail, stick them all or holding up at a stage of coach. I wouldn't be surprised if they got a deck of cards that kids can play canazza. Anyway, main point is I give the supervisor five dollars. Ah, it's very nice of you, Pasquale. Sure, we're bigger people. We're gonna help them kids out. Like I'm always the same, Luigi. You gotta watch your kids all the time. How you plant the seed, that's how a sapper grows. You're so right, Pasquale. Isn't nobody bigger sapper than you? That's a funny thing. When I'm a sapper, it's a come-out of difference. Well, anyway, Luigi, I was happy to give the man five dollars because that's very important to our community. After all, the killer today is the man tomorrow. Only you could think of things like that, Pasquale. I only wish I was there. I would have given the supervisor my little contribution. It's all right, Luigi. Don't worry yourself. I pledge the money for you. Huh? How much? Well, Luigi, you know the whole neighborhood knows how much you love kids. You must love them at least ten times more than I do. Well, I'm gonna like to brag. That's all right, Luigi. Anyway, I figure you like them ten times more than I do. I give them five dollars, so I say to you, I was gonna give them fifteen dollars. Fifty dollars? Pasquale, that's a bad of you. You know I ain't got a fifty dollars. How could you do such a thing to me? Well, Luigi, I meant well. I was gonna give you the money. I'll give you all the money you want. The funny I could hear you say those three little words. I love you. All right, Pasquale, I love you. Not to me. Fresh guy. Look, Luigi, don't look at it like you're doing something for Rosa. Do it as a favor for me. For you? Yes. I want to be a grandfather. I can't become a one unless you face to become a father. But Pasquale, I don't want to become a father. Who's asking you? You're a traitor to your country. That's what you are. Traitor? Sure. If everybody was to go around saying they don't want to become a father, you know what happened to this country? It would be no fathers a day. Instead, we have two mothers a day. That would be a terrible catastrophe. Pasquale, I would really like to help you out, but not with Rosa. Next time, ask me for smaller favor. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going into my store and call up at the boys' club. And I tell them I'm going to give them whatever I'm going to afford. Hmm, it's a telephone. I wonder who it's going to be. Hello, is it Luigi Basco talking? Hello, Mr. Basco. This is Mr. Dunlevy at the boys' club. We just heard about your wonderful contribution. I suppose you know it's the largest contribution in the neighborhood. We've already ordered some wonderful equipment on the basis of your pledge. Yes, and what's more, as much as all the boys know you, we'd like you to make a little speech on courage and athletics Friday night when we open the gym with a new equipment. Oh, don't let the speech worry you. The boys will love any remarks you make on the subject. Thanks again, and goodbye. Goodbye. Mama, may I go to my night school to class and ask her for help? All right, class. Now I'll call the roll. Mr. Basco. Here. Mr. Harwick. Here. Mr. Olsen. Mr. Schultz. To be fair, here unproset. Mr. Schultz, this is the first time since I began calling the roll that you've answered in Viennese. That's because I wanted to be a Vienna roll. Thank you, fellow Googles. And smile, everybody. Luigi, you are not smiling. What's the reason? $50. $50? I had to get it. Ain't? Mr. Basco, I haven't got $50. Oh, you too? Then we're both having to get the $50. Luigi, what are you talking about? Well, you see, I'm supposed to give $50 to buy the equipment for the boys at the gymnasium. $50? Him or what are they doing for those little kiddies, making the brass knuckles out of gold? Luigi, in order for you to give $50, you must have a job that pays gigantic wages. $50. That's a lot of money, even if you got it. Class, why don't you let Mr. Basco finish what he was saying? Thank you, Miss Budding. You see, the boys at the club were collecting money for a gymnasium, and I wasn't in my store, so Pasquale told them I would have given them $50. Oh, not steaming, Pasquale. When I hear his name, my blood boils so you can see steam coming out of my nose. But why? Why should he do a thing like that? What is his reason? Why, you have to ask. He has got the biggest reason anybody ever had. Rosa. Miss Pasquale, you just got to put two and two together, and it always comes out, 250 pounds. Mr. Schultz, giving $50 to the boys gymnasium isn't helping Mr. Pasquale any. I don't think he's spalling. Pasquale said to me, if I'm a married lady, he'll give me the money so the boys are gonna have a gym of supplies. Sure, what does he care if he has to buy a dozen barbells if he only gets rid of one dumbbell? No, Luigi, you got it, no problem. Just call up the club and say, hello about the money, I ain't got it. It's impossible, Schultz. They already bought his stuff and they asked me to make a speech this Friday night to the boys. Schultz, maybe you know where I'm gonna get the $50? No. Olsen, maybe you know where I'm gonna get the $50? No. Horowitz, maybe you know where I'm gonna get the $50? No. Ms. Spoilig, I hope you're not counting these answers on our final report cards. Well, class, it looks as though Mr. Pasquale has a real problem. Now, has anyone any practical suggestions? I got it, Luigi. If you really want $50 quick, go right home. Yes, sir. Put on your bathrobe and slippers. Yes, sir. Sit down by the radio. Then I'll have to show it to you. When the telephone rings, don't say hello. Just say, Abraham Lincoln and hang up. Believe me, in one hour, they'll send you a refrigerator and 10,000 dollars. We've returned to life with Luigi. I'd like to suggest an easy, inexpensive way to make your daily work more pleasant. Keep some Wrigley's Spearman chewing gum handy. It's a treat you can enjoy almost anytime, even when going at a fast clip. You'll find that lively, full-bodied, real mint flavor refreshing. And the good, smooth chewing will give you a feeling of satisfaction while you work. It'll help break the monotony, make the job seem a bit easier. Get a few packages of delicious Wrigley's Spearman chewing gum when you go out tomorrow morning. You'll enjoy it. You really will. Now let's turn to page two of Luigi Basko's letter to his mother-in-law. Well, mamma mia, I'm gonna try all over to get the $50 for the boys in gymnasium, but I'm gonna have to no luck. I'm even thought the best idea was to go to a finance company. Outside there was a sign, we give it $25 for your signature. This will look wonderful. I thought I would have signed it twice and I'd get a $50. So I went inside. Then they asked me if I'm gonna get a bank account, if I'm gonna have a good job, if I'm gonna have a car, if I'm gonna have a house. Mamma mia, if I wasn't have all those things, they would ask me if I could have loaned them money. But anyway, I was sitting in the magnetic shop thinking how I would have to make a big shame for myself when I go to the boys' club with no money. One of my daughters opened up and it's come as Sandy, the loser boy. Hello, Mr. Basko. I brought you the evening paper. Thank you, Sandy. Here's your nickel. Boy, Mr. Basko, we kids sure are proud of you. I bet that $50 is all you got. Yeah, it's all I'm gonna get and it's all I'm gonna have to get. Sandy, how you find out I'm a givener money? Oh, I got it from the grapevine. Grapevine. Sandy, you're too young to be drinking. Climb, Mr. Basko. Sandy, what would you boys think if I'm a donor givener of $50? That's what Mr. Pasquale tried to tell us. He wanted to bet you wouldn't come through with the money. I told him maybe he wouldn't, but we could always depend on you for that, don't rave me. Oh, no. Maybe I get to the money and make a speech, but I'm not gonna sing. But I know that comes Friday. Pasquale will be wrong and we'll be cheering you. Uh-huh, Mr. Basko. If you make a promise, you deliver. Uh-huh, Sandy. I'm a deliver. So long. Mama, ma'am, I'm gonna get the money. I'm a can't-to-disappointed-dozer, boys. Maybe I'm gonna go to the bank. Luigi, my fellow boob. Oh, hello, sir. Oh, Luigi, from the look in your voice, I can tell that you didn't have much luck raising the money. So even if it ain't much, I brought something to help you out. Here, $10. $10? Sure, sir. Where do you got it? It's my mad money. And when my wife finds out I got it, ooh, she gonna be mad. Go ahead, Luigi, take it. No, no, she'll say, go ahead. Go ahead, take it. No, no, thank you. Well, we go around once more. No, she'll say, I'm gonna take it. All right, go ahead. Take your finance business somewhere else. Go to the Morris plan. See if Morris brings you the money to the house like Schultz does. I sure see you crazy. All right, I'm gonna buy the $10. Oh, Himmel, you got a sweat blood to lend you money. Well, now, Luigi, cheer up. At least you got it to start. Now, all you have to do... What was that? Sounds like a parade. Come on outside, Luigi. Schultz, what is it, the circus? No, Luigi, it's a carnival. It comes every year by the lake shore. Ooh, what fun. You know, they got all kinds of rides and freaks. Oh, yeah, we got the same thing in Italy. They got one fella. He can touch his tongue with his nose. He can touch his feet with his nose. He can even touch his elbow with his nose. Schultz, is this the Indian rubberman? Nobody sure got a long nose. That must have been a lot of fun at the carnival. Oh, yeah, you know, I bring my kids there every year. They got a fighter there as a killer, and they got a standing offer to anybody in the crowd. If anybody can stay in the ring with the killer, he gets $20 a round. They're taking the chances to give away so much money? No, Luigi, you see, they got the iodine concession. Well, I gotta go now, Luigi. I hope you get the rest of the money. Yeah, I hope so, too. And a thank you, sir. Goodbye, Luigi. And smile. Be like me. Always happy, huh? Always laughing. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Oh. My rheumatism is killing me. I'm at $20 a round. My mummy adds for me. If I must stay two rounds, there's my $40. I'm gonna do it. I'm strong. Even when I was a boy, when Uncle Piet throws a goat, he used to kick me. I used to kick him right the back. Sensitive type. Well, I hope you brought your own aspirin. Hello, thank you. Two rounds of $40. Luigi, you gotta stand up for two rounds. Well, kid, in a few minutes, you're gonna meet the killer. Did you bring your trunks? What? Where are your trunks? Why, am I going on a trip? Here, put these on. I'll lend you a pair. But I'm already wearing a pants. Well, you gotta wear these. If I wear those, is it gonna be a draft? That's not all there's gonna be. Come on, slip on, stupid. All right. You sure must need that dough, awful bad. Awful bad? Yeah. How much do you weigh? Uh, 136. Stripped? Huh? I said stripped. What's the matter with you? When I wear myself on a candy store, you think I'm gonna take my clothes off? Well, these are your trunks. Come here, I'll slip on the gloves. Gloves? Oh, good. What's the matter with that, huh? Well, sure. If my niece is gonna be cold, at least my hands are gonna be warm. The stretcher, here comes victim number three. Mama mia, at the man on the stretcher, what's happened to him? Nothing, nothing. He just took one too many in the bread basket. You mean he's a stealer from the bakery? And they wonder where the good fighters are coming from. Come on with me, dopey. The tank goodness we got here in time. The candy store man told us you were coming down here. I told you about the killer, but I didn't think you were stupid enough to want to get killed. Come on, Luigi, jump into your clothes. We are taking you home. Friends, don't worry about me. I'm strong. Strong, he says. Luigi, didn't you see the killer warming up for the audience? He bit a telephone pole in half. Yeah, Luigi, this killer is the real reason Jolos could fight him. Come on, take off those gloves, please. Oh, no, that's against the rules. Hammer gotta wear these gloves and these trunks, and if I'm gonna stay two rounds with the killer without a steel and a bread, I'm a collector for a dollar. Luigi, are you for shimbled? You sound like you already went ten rounds with the killer. No, no, no, no, no. You ain't taking him. He ain't a citizen. And if you kill him, tomorrow America's got it war with Italy. This is your fault, sir. Hammer promised the boys a club of 50 dollars, and I'm gonna deliver. He is going to deliver. All of a sudden he's talking like a milkman. Barbara's the use. Come on, fellas. We'll stay with Luigi in this corner and pick up the pieces. That's such a funny people. They never even saw me, and already they hate me. Hey, Horowitz. Horowitz, why are they always saying a boo? They're trying to scare me? Luigi, that's human nature. When men gather in a crowd, they like to see blood, especially if it's not their own. Go home, Luigi, so they wouldn't see you or us. Okay, boss, go come to the center of the ring. All right, I'm coming in. Hello, Mr. Killer. It's a nice weather, huh? Shut up. Okay, Basco, now I'll give you some brief instruction. Oh, thank you. You're gonna teach me how to fight, huh? Shut up. Listen, Basco, I want no fouls, no holding, no elbow, no button, no open gloves, and they kiss on everything strictly according to Marcus the Queensbury rules. Huh? One thing makes sure of, no rabbit punches. Oh, don't worry, I'ma never punch the rabbit into my life. Now, before you come out, fight and shake hands. Oh, it's nice. I'm a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Killer. Shake me, shake. Oh, oh, oh. Okay, back in your corner, come out, fight and ring about, Joe. Don't forget, Luigi, keep away from him. Like this, the show's over. Don't look at me! Pleasure, pleasure, mister. What's the matter? Instead of practicing the arithmetic, why don't you help me to get up? Wait a minute, never mind, never mind. I'ma stand up by myself. Good, good for you, Luigi. The killer looks worried. Yeah, yeah, he's wondering why that punch didn't kill Luigi. Come on, Maria. Every time I'ma stand up, the floor doesn't come up to meet me again. If it's a killer, would it stop a hit on me? Look out, Luigi! Oh, here's another mister. Oh, that crazy little Venus, isn't it? Come on, Luigi. Huh? Oh, I love you, sir. What? What am I doing to fight than a you? Never mind. Come into your corner. Luigi, after tonight, you don't ever have to worry about the hydrogen bomb. Oh, Luigi, what you look like, it shouldn't happen to our dog. It couldn't. The dog would have gone home by... I made it $20 in... in three minutes. Soon am I gonna make enough for for the buyer's club? Soon you're gonna make enough for a tombstone. Luigi, listen to me. Should I throw? Think I'ma got enough for time to wipe for myself. One, two, three, ooh. Hey, bud. Olsen brought you home. You couldn't afford a hospital. What a stupid green horn of boob you are. Look at here, some sight. My little cabbage head has got a cauliflower ears. Hey, Pascuali. Pascuali, how much... how much money am I... I'ma make it tonight. $20? Only 20. They're telling me you was a bouncing for two rounds. In the second round, they had a stop and the crowd was getting seasick and watching you go up and down. $20. I'ma didn't get the money and I'm... I'ma didn't even make it to crowd to happy. What do you mean to make it to crowd to happy? There was a... there was a hollerin' to kill him or kill him. And I'ma didn't even to get the kills. Well, Luigi, you just can't please anybody. You're right, Pascuali. I'ma no go to for anybody. Well, Luigi, you're still a go to for somebody. Why don't you listen to me? Stop a fightin' a life and a marry Rosa. Then I'ma coulda just the restin' a stay out of everybody's way. Pascuali, I'ma think you're right. Oh, Luigi, you never gonna regret it. I call in a Rosa right now. Rosa and the job before. What, Luigi? It was a hot accident, eh? Here, Luigi, here's the other $20. He did. The last fighter to go with the killer. He stayed there for three minutes, and then he laid there for another 30. Pulse was hiding under the ring. Every time I got knocked down, he stuck a pin in me. Did I get up? Here, take the 20. What up, Pascuali? Now I'ma got the money. Everything is all right. Looks like I'ma gonna make it the speech after all. What? Listen, you poppy squeak. Even if you got a $50, what do you think those kids isn't gonna say by the way you got beat up? Courage and athletics. You shoulda talked on 10 easy ways to commit a suicide. You just said that because you angry, Pascuali. No, Luigi, don't say that. I got more news for you. The boys club decided that you are not gonna give the speech. What? Yeah, Pascuali's gonna do it. What do you know? Now maybe you take a few lessons from me, eh? Class is always a good hotel. They're gonna do that. They did, Luigi. Yeah. Especially when we told them how Pascuali said he was giving it $200 for the gymnasium. Yeah, $200. Shokes, you joke. Oh, no, I'm not. Ha, ha, ha. Class with the mother. My, my Romanotism is a killer name. Everything is a ten out of wonderful. The gymnasium was open and I never made the speech. Pascuali didn't give any money. She'll sit a heart of which it was just a plain joke. But if Pascuali got so sick of it, everybody was happy. He's to start everything and has only come back to him. He's like Uncle Pietro all the ways he used to say. He's an ill-wender that gives it a people a pneumonia. Well, goodnight, Mama Mia. Take good care of yourself. Keep her healthy. I'm a learning, important thing this week. Good thing in life isn't that only courage in athletics, but it's a courage in life. You're loving a son, a Luigi Vasco, a little immigrant. Folks, the makers of Wrigley's Spearment Chewing Gum hope you enjoyed tonight's episode of Life with Luigi, and they'd like to remind you that Wrigley's Spearment is just about the perfect taste treat to enjoy between your meals. During the morning or afternoon, when you got a little hankering for something tasty, slip a stick of Wrigley's Spearment Gum into your mouth. Chew on it and get the full enjoyment of that refreshing, delicious real mint flavor. You'll enjoy the chewing itself, too. That little stick of gum will satisfy you without spoiling your appetite for lunch or supper. Try it, won't you? Keep some Wrigley's Spearment Gum handy to enjoy between your meals. The makers of Wrigley's Spearment Chewing Gum invite you to listen next week at the same time as Luigi Vasco writes another letter to his Mama Vasco in Italy. Life with Luigi is produced and directed by Sy Howard and is written by Mack Benhoff and Lou Dermott. Take care of nice to start as Luigi Vasco with Alan Rivas-Pasquale. This is CBS for Columbia Broadcasting System.