 So 19th November is International Men's Day, the same day also happens to be World Toilet Day and I don't know why those two days are put together. Anyway, I'd wanted to record this video and post it earlier but something else came up and I also think that you know this particular conversation can be had at any time and it should be had at any given time because it's the kind of conditioning that is not going to leave us right now or it's not about to leave us anytime soon. So I guess adding my thoughts now will only be a drop in hopefully changing our idea of what manning up should be. I'm also going to state that these may not be general truths but things that I have seen and experienced and I still am experiencing. So this is of course open to a lot of discussion so please do so in the comment section below and let's have a discourse if you will. So I was thinking about a few things I grew up knowing about manhood or being a man and what is required of you as a man and what you automatically actually entitled to by virtue of the fact that you're a male. And these are things that I don't think or I don't believe serve me well especially now. I've felt this way for a very long time but this is the first time that I'm actually voicing these sentiments and I hope you can agree to some of them and I know very well that I will not be teaching my son or sons if I have them because I'm sure whichever language you speak wherever you find yourself in the world watching this particular video right now there is some saying that exists though that you've grown to come to know that you know to be a man isn't easy or to be a man now wow like it decides your fate as a man like you should be proud to be a man because you've been given the honor of carrying suffering on your shoulders for the rest of your life and with the supposed good part of all this being that you can do whatever you want whatever you please because you are the superior you're the alpha I don't know to make it worse you're not actually supposed to complain or ask for too much help to ease this suffering or burden because it's not manly enough if you do being a man isn't equitable in my opinion but what if I don't want to suffer I mean where is the sense in that it doesn't make sense to me when you can actually have help and save your energy for more important things like enjoying the life you know enjoying the time that we've all been given here or gifted here whether you're a man or a woman and I don't mean you know the kind of help that comes with yes maybe you have to build a home or build something like a house and the project involves other hands in a group no that's not the kind of thing I'm talking about or my grandfather build this with his own bare hands by himself no and you know many other things that are deemed manly that's not what I'm talking about all of this I think gave birth to the term our modern world has come to know as toxic masculinity which is basically the archaic requirements for manhood that are now literally poison us to our way of life it's literally killing a lot of people who may have died either physically doing many things or mentally die slowly every day of their lives till they actually passed away because they couldn't share so let's talk about some of them that I personally no longer ascribe to and I say no longer because you know I grew up being taught that it was normal so I'm going to separate them into two two major points and the first one is going to be centered on emotions as far as I can remember or even now when it comes to men and emotions we have ours fueled by ego and pride like winning dominating being on top the other emotions that actually make us human are deemed weak I mean why cry when you're overwhelmed why admit that you're sad and lost why express love so freely why show empathy you know don't be soft it's weak all you need is your pride and ego and your drive because you're the man I mean we can't even share our fears our weaknesses vulnerability with the people that we actually love or other men because you know we have to man up and do it by ourselves and by the time you finally muster the courage to actually share it it will require too much time and energy which ends up breaking the other people around you who's sought to help which is most likely your family like saying I'm not depressed I just need to work harder when I get the money everything will be fine it may be true but what am I supposed to do now ask my wife are you asking me to give up my manhood even in love or lusts and infatuation and expressing it we are moved by our ego and pride I mean granted rejection sucks for everyone not just men but I think you can see how entitled the reactions of most men are when they are dealt the rejection card it's sickening like they are entitled to you to have you for themselves why say no and we've been conditioned to not even be able to identify vulnerable emotions and situations we can't even describe how we feel and what we need because it will come off as weak admit you're wrong admit that you can't do it admit that you need help nope the man won't do it and statistics have proven that women are more likely to be treated for mental health problems than men and it's not because women or men men don't go through it no it's actually because women are more likely to ask for help and get it or get the treatment while men are more likely to resort to substance abuse in order to cope alcoholism smoking drugs and most of women's mental health problems are actually caused by society which is skewed towards men now if you grew up in a home with both parents there's a 95% chance that the nurturer in that home was your mother softer a caring one who's more likely to listen to you when you have a problem yeah because it wasn't your dad's place to actually entertain your emotions he's provided you with a house to live in and your clothes and fed if you have any emotions or any emotional problems you should go to your mother and that's even when your mother is actually the provider in the home she still has to play second to the head the so-called head and if your mother wasn't available to help you then you were left on your own to do it alone and one would argue that well it made us who we are now it made us tough we turned out fine we're more capable men because we had to learn to do it the hard way I don't think so I really don't think so and I think that if you start now you don't have to be the kind of father or man in general I know it's difficult to empathize when you can't even tell the difference or you don't have the ability to tell the difference and you should start learning now I still struggle with the more weaker you know emotions to a very large degree I'm detached from them but at least now I'm more aware and I'm learning to be an ally for those around me who need me to be so stop start now it's okay not to be okay and even better it's okay to express it and work toward fixing it seek the help you need emotions are human allow them you're not too emotional you're human and that's okay another thing I will talk about is partnership the relationship dynamic I think is one of the worst places for mining up yeah I do hear often that you know it's attractive for most women when they come across a confident man you know one who can take charge and lead you know one who knows exactly what he wants and is not coy about it or one who is a goal getter you know it does it with so much finesse you know one who provides one who is intelligent and witty you know I can tell you for free that confidence it doesn't come tied to agenda confidence is very attractive no matter who wields it and if you're a man and you're threatened by a confident woman one who also knows exactly what she wants and is able to go for it diligently and I really think you should reevaluate your self-esteem you're not the lead or you're not in charge in any relationship or any situation automatically just because you're a man no relationships are partnerships now if you look at it this way or you look at relationships through this analogy of two people having to navigate an open world where you know they have to survive raise a family and still make it good don't you think it's actually scary to imagine that your partner is incapable of making the team strong enough to survive I mean the same team is only as strong as its weakest link so why would you deliberately choose someone who's weaker just because you want to be the leader or seem like a stronger one or even worse deliberately refuse to empower your partner in order to have you know a stronger team which in turn will relief you of some of these burdens that's not manning up I think that's foolish in every sense of the word now if you're listening to this from a religious perspective then I believe that these sentiments may not exactly serve you well in this particular message might not be for you in my experience if your team member in a relationship isn't giving you a healthy competition with your hardworking ethic to inspire you if you're not if they are not genuinely interested in your growth and supporting you then I think your team is actually headed for doom it should be a partnership being a reliable person isn't actually tied to any gender I mean the age where you know women's participation in the workforce or receiving education when was limited is our cake it's our cake now you're not entitled to more because you're a man it still happens which is pretty darn stupid but it's your task to contribute your equitable share to a partnership you find yourself in that is what I believe in live up to the growth and improving what you came into don't in the name of whatever your belief is take up more than you can manage and then end up taking it out on the same people that you chose to serve there's no better feeling in this world than knowing that you have a partner who is more than capable to handle things when you're not present because she is unequal and the same in reverse knowing that you're also capable yourself in handling everything and I don't mean just paying for things when she's absent so don't just man up be responsible and reliable human being being responsible is not you know putting the other people in the Thai sports because you let your ego get in the way that's not being responsible ask for help when you need help help others around you get better and it only makes it easier that's what I think trees people write because it's the right thing to do don't just man up human up