 Hello everyone, welcome to another Narc's Fiver life video. As you can see I am out here at the lake. I did a video here before a few months ago when I stayed up this condo there behind me. And now I decided to come back again because I remember it is a very peaceful place. And I've just seen a few fish, even a lizard was walking there. I do prefer it at night, it's a different vibe at night. But it's pretty cool in the day as well, not too many people around so it's a perfect place to do a video. And in this one we do have a very interesting topic. This is definitely one of the more interesting ones on Narcissus. Because we always talk about how Narcissus are completely self-centered, self-absorbed. They lack empathy, they lack insight, introspection. But that isn't completely true. It is, but then it isn't. Because, and you may notice this from your own experience if you've dealt with a Narcissus, you can see it in their eyes. Their eyes just kind of bulge out of their heads when you catch them in this, when you catch them in a lie. When you get them to reflect on their own behavior. But that doesn't mean that they're going to change. No, I stand firmly in my beliefs that they cannot change. If you're dealing with a real full-blown Narcissus that is impossible. They will never change, they will never come to the light. They will never fully understand where you're coming from. It will always be all about them. But there are these little moments where reality does sink in for them. There is a small window where they do self-reflect. And I can't say the exact amount of time where they do actually reflect. I mean, it's a very short period of time. We're talking maybe one or two seconds, maybe less in some situations. And you will notice that you can see it in their eyes. You can recognize it on their facial expressions. It's like something just hits them and they really feel it inside. So yeah, when you hold them accountable for something, when you confront them, deep down they do know. And I think everyone knows what is right and what is wrong at a core level. Even Narcissus, they still have something inside of them. Some humanity left where they do know. But as I said, it lasts for only a short period of time. And then they try to defend it, they fight it, they justify it. They deny, they blame shift, they gaslight, they project, they do whatever it takes. They become very defensive. And the reason why they do that is because it benefits them to do that or so they think. Because what they're actually doing is they are denying the very things that they want. Because deep down they did. And I think they still do. Desire, love, connection, intimacy, a common understanding, a sense of belonging. I do think that deep down they do desire those things. I mean, just look at how they behave. Everything they're doing, it's as though they're trying to move towards some form of connection with people. At least in the beginning, but they don't know how to sustain it. They haven't got the tools to sustain it. So it always falls apart again because they're very self-absorbed. And they're only thinking about their own needs. But yeah, there is this small window where they do self-reflect, where reality does sink in for them. And it can be quite funny when you see it. When you see that they actually do completely understand where you're coming from. They really do in that moment. They completely understand. They know it. And when you see it in their eyes, in their body language, how they become defensive, they immediately overreact. It's like, yes, I got you. You do know. You do understand. Because yes, they do deep down. The problem is they don't want to understand. Because if they do, then that means they don't get what they want. So they have to find a way to justify it so that the abuse can continue. Because that's all they really wanted to serve them. It makes them feel better. So they can't ever just accept it. They have to deny it. They have to push it away. And you need to be very careful if you are questioning and confronting a narcissist on their behavior. Because they will self-reflect in that moment. And it's like they feel it at their core. It's like you're confronting them. And then inside they're like, yes, I know this is wrong. And then they're thinking, but I can't be wrong. I have to be perfect. I have to be right. It can't be me. It has to be you. I have to have the authority over you. You're my subordinate. I tell you what to do. You don't tell me what to do. Because in their minds it's unfair after everything they've been through in their lives. They've had a hard life. And they think it's worse than what anyone else has been with. So that justifies them doing whatever they want. And you can't tell them what to do. And if you do, they'll just try to push it back on you. They'll bring up things for your past. They'll say, what about these things they've you done? Or they'll just make stuff up. They'll make false accusations. To get the heat off of them. To put it back on to you. Because they don't ever be accountable for anything. They want to be able to do whatever they want. And the disorder is designed to support that as well. It's designed to support them continuing in that direction. Where they can just do whatever they want without any accountability. But as I've said, accountability is the key to success in love, relationships. Anything that is long term. So at the same time they kind of block and deny the very things that they actually want as well. And that is why many narcissists do end up alone. Or they have an enabler who doesn't really love them. Although they may think that they do in some situations. They may care about the narcissist and just see them as someone who's misunderstood. No one really knows them. No one really gets them like I do. That's how they see it. And they enable the narcissist to do what they do. They justify their behavior. And in some situations they may actually think that it's right. They may think that it's okay. So at the end the narcissist either ends up alone. Or with one of these enablers. But even then they don't even care about them. They don't love them. It's just someone that they use in. Because they support the illusion. And if you're with a narcissist that's all you're good for anyway. It's to support the illusion that's your only purpose. But yeah I think it's important to remember this. Because a lot of people think that narcissists are just completely in denial. And you try to confront them and it's like no no I didn't do that. I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know anything about it. It's not always like that because there is as I said the small window. Where they feel it in their core. It hits them in their gut. And they know. Shit. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe you are right. But then it's like no no no I can't be wrong. It has to be you. Because if it's me then I can't get what I want. So they have to justify it. And it's so crazy because. The way that they see it. It's like they are the exception to the rule. It's like in their minds. Yes I know this is wrong. It is wrong. For you or for anyone else. But it's not wrong for me. Because I have suffered. I've been through so much in my life. And that justifies it. In their minds. That is exactly. How they see it. And there is really no getting through to them. Because. They look at it as though. Life has been unfair to them. Things have been done to them. Which they didn't like. And they look at it like. If they were worth anything then why did they have to go through that. And then they have to try and fight it. And it's like no no I am worth something. They develop this arrogance and. Sense of entitlement to where they can do whatever they want. Because their true self is. Completely flawed. Bad. And then they create this false self that is perfect. Who. Has this grandiosity. And sense of arrogance and entitlement. To where they can do whatever they want and they don't have to answer to anyone. So that's what it is. And when you confront them. You trigger them to self reflect. And then you are. Essentially the the only thing. You can do really is. Hit whatever is left of the true self. Which is essentially it's. Just a child. It's this. Undeveloped. Child self. Inside of them. Because you can never get. Them to reflect. On who they are now. Because that's just the false self. And they never developed enough psychologically and emotionally. To become an adult. So you won't get any accountability. Because that's what has grown ups do. Narcissists don't do that. They hold everyone else accountable. But they will never. Respond to the best of their ability. And. You can hold on as long as you like. You can wait until the end of your life. Or their life. But I can promise you if you are dealing with a true narcissist. And anyone who's been in this situation. Can confirm. That you will never. Never. Get what you're looking for. That accountability. Them responding to the best of their ability. Where they own up to their choices and decisions. And it's like yes. I did that. That was wrong. Let me be better. Let me change. There's no incentive for them to do that. Maybe if they want you back. Or they want you to do something for them. And they know their only option is to just put on this act. And just act like they're owning up to things. Just giving you what you want. This false apology. These fake epiphanies. Where they tell you yes I'm going to change. You're going to be different. That's just to get you back. They're not really about that. And that is why you'll never actually see. Any action. Where. They are actually trying. To develop. And be better. You will never see that. Over a long period of time. They might tell you. Things. But they're never actually going to do it. If they did it then. You're not dealing with a narcissist then. There's no way. You must be dealing with something else. Because that's the whole point. Of a narcissist is that they are maladaptive. They do not. Change. Adjust or adapt. It may look like they do. They just. They'll give you. This. Image of whatever they think you want to see. What they're actually doing is they're just creating this. Character. Which is. Really it's just you. They're reflecting you back to you. Fearing your. Ideals. Well knowing fully well that they ain't about any of that. They're just putting on an act. They're putting on a show. To be whatever it is that. They think you want them to be. Whatever it is that they think you want to see or to hear. And they can play the role. They can play the role. And they can fool you. They can trick you. So you need to be aware of that as well. You need to be very careful when you're dealing with a narcissist because they can be very convincing. You will get the sob stories the crocodile tears you'll get all of that. But the reality is that deep down they don't actually care. They don't actually care at all. There's no empathy there. Or there might be some but. Their needs always override it. Because in their minds they're always the victim. Life has been unfair to them. So they think that's justification for them to do whatever they want. And to get away with it without any consequences. And to even blame you for it. To even blame you for your own abuse. And to even laugh at you. After what they've done to you and to kick you when you're down. And that's how you should know that they do not care. That's how you should know that. It's okay because. We can. Take accountability. Yes, we may have been abused. We may have been affected in our lives. But as long as you're not a narcissist. You can. Heal. You can repair the damage if you. Really want to. You can do that. And you can get back to where you were before. It is possible for you. But the problem with narcissists. It's because the one thing standing in their way is. Accepting the truth. The reality of the situation. And taking accountability. Because without accountability there is no growth. All you're doing is just deflecting. The work onto someone else. And then they might move on. And become the best versions of themselves. But the person who doesn't take accountability. Is going to remain stuck for the rest of their lives. That's just how it is. So. That's what I'd like to finish with for you. Is. To recognize. Your power. Because they are weak and stupid. Too weak and stupid to ever take accountability. To ever realize the power in that. But we can do that. And that is where our power is. That is where. We can find our. Ability. To determine the course of events in our lives. To change everything and make a difference. Because our future. It could be very different. Than if we were to. Not take accountability. If you take accountability in your life. You can change everything. It doesn't matter what it is. Doesn't matter what you've done. It doesn't matter where you are. Just that one thing. Accountability can change everything. But that's for you. And I have to make that clear to you. That is not for a narcissist. They won't ever do that. If you're dealing with a true. Full blown narcissist. They cannot self reflect over a long period of time. They will never be. Anything greater or better. They just won't. You're not going to get anything out of them. You're wasting your time. Take that time and energy and put it on yourself. Because if you're watching my video right now. You are self reflecting right now. You have self awareness. And you're listening to me. You're taking accountability. That means that you can change. You can be better. Yes. You may have been abused by a narcissist. That doesn't mean you're stuck. You can take the right path for you. And you can be greater. You can do it. And this is my message. To you. Don't ever undo that. Because I know that you are capable of it. If you found my videos. And not everyone can do that. I'll be honest. I mean. Of course there are some people in these communities. Some people who watch my videos. All they want to do is play the victim. And I've seen it myself. I can only say. Of course I can't mention any names. But I have worked with some people. And I've heard a bunch of complaints. About what the narcissist did to them. They don't want to take any responsibility. For how they got there. And I can tell you right now. If you do that. You're not going to get anywhere. You're going to remain stuck for the rest of your life. Just like the narcissist. It's not going to change anything for you. You have got to take responsibility. You have to recognize. What got you caught up with them in the first place. So that you can then change it. And take a different path in your life. If you take a different path. You will end up at a different destination. But this. Message is for those of you who. Have the awareness. Those of you who can self reflect. Because if you can't do that. It's just going to go in one year. And out the other. You're not even going to listen to me. Probably already clicked off this video. Those of you. But if you're still watching this right now. And you're listening to me. Self reflecting. You're taking a look at yourself. You have a chance. You have the potential. To change. And to find. A suitable partner for you. Someone who will help you to grow. Or rather. You should grow before you meet that person. Of course. But you can build something with them. Because that's how it should be. It shouldn't be. Two people who complete each other. It should be. Two people who come together. But they're complete on their own. Because those are the healthiest relationships. Which is why before you do that. You do need to. Become complete yourself. And that doesn't mean you have to be perfect. You just have to get to some level. Where. You are. Constantly self reflecting. And you have that awareness. To where you are able to look within yourself. And see things that you need to change. So that you can be better. So that you can heal. And when. You can do that. You will. Feel a lot better. Because a lot of it. When we get involved with narcissists. A lot of it is guilt and shame. We feel foolish. We feel like we've been tricked. We feel stupid. And. Some of us we feel like we're just not worth anything. Because if we were worth anything. Why would someone do that to us? Why would they trick us. And just string us along. Make us believe in a future. A relationship. When all they were doing is just. Using us like we're garbage. You have to recognize that. That has nothing to do with you as a person. They don't even know you. They're self absorbed. They lack empathy. They only care about themselves. It says far more about them than it does about you. You will never get. That love that you crave from the narcissist. But you can get that from someone else. And you do need to recognize. Your own value. Just got to look back. And remember everything you did for them. They. May not have been. Happy with it. Or appreciative. But they still took it. They still took it and they stuck around. For a reason. And you've got to think why did they target you. Why didn't they target someone else. They picked you for a reason. Because they saw value there. But a lot of times they leave too soon. Because. Especially if you are standards. You may have value to bring to them. They don't have value to bring to you. And that's really what you want as well. That is the best situation for you to be in. Is where. You do develop these standards of what you're looking for in life. But you're not going to accept anything less. Because when you have that. Then the narcissist can't even gain access into your life. They can only gain access if you're willing to accept less than what you really deserve. Otherwise they can't get in. They can't even get through the door. And then that leaves space. For healthy people. People who can reciprocate. People who have something of value of their own. That leaves space for those people. And I know that's what you really want. That's what you really deserve. So yeah that's my video for today. I know it's a very deep video on this topic. I don't think many people have talked about this at length. But that's really it when reality sinks in for the narcissist. But remember it's only for a short time. They can't self reflect over a long period of time. They don't even have the mental capacity to do that. And there's no incentive for them to do it. Start to rain a bit now. Just got the car cleaned as well. But I've got to clean it sometime. Got to take care of it. It's a new car. The new BMW. 330i. It's a nice design. Got the blacked out windows. Rear spoiler. BBS rims. So yeah. That's it for today. I hope you enjoy the video. As much as I enjoy recording it. Because I do enjoy recording it. Because I do enjoy getting on here. Sharing this information with you. So yeah that's it for today. I'm going to go and get something to eat now. But if you enjoy the video and if it was helpful for you. As always please get a thumbs up down below. It helps the YouTube algorithm. It helps to support our community. And to get this message out there. So that it can help other people as well. And also share the video. Subscribe. Let me know your thoughts down in the comments section. Let me know. Of a moment where. Reality is sunken for the narcissist in your life. I'd love to hear about it. I read your comments every day. And. I am available for one-on-one coaching sessions. Which you can book on my website. It is. NarcSurvivor.co.uk. And also there's my Instagram as well. I've got new pictures and videos of my travels. Every day on there. And you can send me a message on there as well. It's NarcSurvivor YouTube. On Instagram. Alright that's it for today. Starting to rain. But I'm going to drive off now and get something to eat. I hope you all have a great day. I hope you enjoy your lunch or dinner. Depending on what time it is where you are. And I'll talk to you in another one. Very soon.