 Alright, come on in, have a seat, officers Wallach, Friedman, congratulations on graduating from the academy, Sergeant Bickel, I'm pleased you're able to transfer from Milwaukee. Usually we wouldn't see so many new faces, but we've finally fixed a computer error that wouldn't let a bunch of our guys retire, kept pushing the date for today, no idea why. Still, good to have you three, hopefully you'll make good time in Sloth's Pit, I'm not going to say it's quiet in this police department, but violent crime is pretty low, and well as for the rest, I think you'll get used to it. So this is going to be kind of an informal seminar, and you'll be in several of these over the next couple of weeks if we try to put together slideshows and do all the paperwork. I think the state would probably laugh us out of the building, but you're still probably going to run into some stuff at some point, so you might as well know. So today, I'm going to talk to you about time travel, yeah, okay, I'll yuck it up, I guess I can wait, yeah, I'm serious, all right, well we've generally got two kinds of issues with time travel, first arguably the easiest are tourists, you know, sometimes we get people from elsewhere, past, future, whatever, most of the time they're just passing through, or they got to do something symbolic, like the Obejwe hunting party that wandered through the Thanksgiving parade last year, sometimes though they get a little rowdy, or like it's a bunch of rednecks and a lowrider UFO deciding that they're gonna try to rip off Dean's donuts for our hilarious monopoly money. Either way, we get the pleasure of dealing with it. You get called in on tourists, there are three rules, first you should stay in cover, I don't care if it's a lance or a phaser gun, your vest ain't gonna stop it, and second rule, stick to less than lethal, even if they got a force field, they still got to breathe, so pepper spray if you can get close, CS gas canisters if they comes down to that, we keep a riot gun in every squad car, so you know use that if you gotta, but we're still working on getting M-Raps from the US Army, so third rule, and this kind of sticks in general, just trust the eggheads, like if you get to a tourist call and there's already a bunch of dudes in hazmat gear and cheap suits, or if a bunch of vans labeled S&C plastics pull up mid-incident just be polite, they don't usually bring much firepower but they are actually the Calvary, don't worry too much about calling them in either, they monitor all our frequencies for weird stuff, so you know, what the weird are stuff, but once you've got a tourist in custody, things are still pretty complicated, for the most part they're either long dead or they haven't been born yet, so they aren't technically people legally speaking, and what we've generally found to work is try to recover anything they've stolen or make amends for damages, then just throw them in the drunk tank, if you're lucky by the morning they'll have disappeared back to whenever, and then it's not your problem, if you get some type of time cop or old-timey marshal show up to collect them just go with it, believe me it's easier than trying to book them, your second variety are the fixers, and they are a pain in the butt, these are perpetrators who think they can go back and fix whatever they did to get caught in the first place, God knows how they do it, there is a well by the abandoned farm off county road 18, that's the most likely candidate, if you stare at it long enough sometimes you get one chance to go back and fix your biggest regret, you know we keep that thing boarded up, but they still keep coming through somehow, you know the good thing about fixers is that time travel doesn't really make them any smarter, you might lose leads, but usually while they're going around picking up a murder weapon they leave just as much evidence the second time around, if you find a crime scene with five separate sets of footprints all from the same pair of shoes you're probably dealing with a fixer, if there's no evidence whatsoever it's probably a ghost, and that's a whole other story, but with fixers you can usually deal with them by just sticking to the procedures, find and document all your leads, do good detective work, and most importantly do not share case details with anyone outside of the department, you say nothing to the press, nothing to your family, nothing to your shrink, nothing else to God in heaven, and well the day you go back to the evidence locker and you'll find an empty box and all you get is a stinging headache, I guess you know you'll learn, we had one guy accidentally mention a dropped wallet in a press conference and poof it was gone and migraines for everyone who happened to have the tv going in a nasty call from the mayor, not good for your career, you know just saying, you keep your lips zipped and your case files tight until we ship the whole thing off to the d8, hopefully after that the perp will be too busy stamping license plates and dodge to gin up a time machine, anyway I think that's about enough for now so as I said we're glad to have you two on the force, good to have some new officers, and first things first why don't you two take a squad car over to county road 18, seems like someone's just kicked the boards off that damn well, I'm gonna go find some Advil, think I have a migraine coming on