 This is how the narcissist deceives you, they deliberately cause you to believe something that is not true for their own personal gain. They give you a mistaken impression and sometimes they may even fail to admit to themselves that something is true. They may even be in denial but regardless of that they manage to drive this illusion with such eagerness and enthusiasm as though they suddenly have this awakening and it's the only thing that matters to them as though they want to do or have something very much. They're moved by their strong and urgent desire or interest when their motive is actually very different to what you might expect it's not because they've had a change of heart or because they've suddenly realized the errors of their ways the illusion may be something that originated in their minds or it may just be a reflection of your own ideas or ideals but either way the illusion is still powered by you and not them it's like an illusion within an illusion because although it may appear as though they are directing your behavior in the course of events you are unknowingly influencing them and that is the true illusion which is powered by you. You are the source of its energy, you're making it come to life, you're making it real and the basic feature of the illusion is to portray the narcissist in the best possible way. It's intended to make them look good because that is the typical example that they present in order to manipulate you but it's not an unchanging factor or situation it's not continuous persistent or sustained whether it's present or not it's determined by the pressure to sustain it which means that the force that is driving it is not always present because it depends on the people around them it requires energy for it to come to life it's like if a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it does it even make a sound which should reveal to you what is happening with them beneath the surface because the illusion can fall apart if there isn't enough influence exerted by a group or society on them to comply with particular norms or behaviors because it's really just this desire that they have to manipulate the people around them and that is why they often seem so eager and enthusiastic because it's driven by what other people are seeing and thinking it's not generated from within it's not self-sustaining it's dependent on external circumstances and people because that is what supports the illusion so if there aren't any people around it isn't going to work which is why you will notice that if there's no one around and you're still tied to the narcissist they're very out of control they act foolishly and unwise but even that can fall apart if the necessary pressures are not there because there has to be people who are watching and observing the illusion there has to be people who are tied to them and waiting for something to happen because otherwise there is a very different side to the narcissist when they're at home on their own when no one else is around and that is something that most people will be unaware of because you're only going to know what the narcissist is like when people are around them when they have an audience or when they're reacted to something but when they are truly alone if you could be a fly on the wall that is when you would witness the true depths of the disorder because that is when they're actually experiencing a lot of anxiety and depression which is very different to what you might normally see in that moment they feel completely worthless and insignificant as though no one once or even decides to be around them they experience a narcissist collapse and they may become very irritable because the isolation is threatening their ability to maintain their superficial inflated ego as there's no one to validate the illusion so they have to quickly establish an arrangement with a new or past source of supply and following a collapse they will prefer positive sources they will decide positive attention and admiration but if that is not available to them for whatever reason they will settle for negative sources which will result in intense reactions and abuse towards other people but during that time when they're waiting to acquire new sources and then completely alone they have no ability to manipulate or control anyone because the conditions are not present for them to do that which is why it's almost like they're in this moment of desperation where they will do anything just to get that back because by that point the illusion has completely broken down so they may start to lose interest in maintaining their health or their house because it's not what people are seeing there's no emotional pressure for them to maintain it it's no longer fueling the illusion which means that they will devote their time and energy to other things so that they can look good because the other stuff that they used to be concerned with is no longer a factor they really don't have any values or beliefs of their own their activity depends on who's around that's what depends on what they're doing so that they can fool and manipulate those people so what they're really seeking is escapism and denial and when that is present in the way that they would like they can quite easily separate and associate themselves from the things that they're supposed to care about and pretend like it's not even there they are master manipulators and liars but they actually believe in a lot of the core ideas and fantasies that they push on to you and they can become very attached to it even if it's just in the moment to where they don't even see that the illusion is falling apart because all they're concerned about is supply in that moment they're just looking for emotional support so that they can prop up their desired character of them being a great person which means that they can do or be anything as long as people are giving them feedback that they're a powerful or important person even if it's something very strange or unusual or something that they would not normally do they would still do it because they're not really concerned about what they're doing they just want the feedback the validation which is why sometimes they might be doing good things but then other times they're not doing anything good they're not producing anything they're not helping anyone especially not continually because although it may seem like they have a foundation of functional behaviour they can quickly forget about all of that if the right situation or opportunity presents itself to them on their terms or under certain conditions because there is another side of them that you don't see when you're not there and it can be worrying and concerning but it's very unlikely that you would ever see it because it depends on the absence of any sources of feedback or validation but if you could see it it would be quite surprising and it would most definitely aid your defence against them thank you for watching if you found this video helpful please give it a thumbs up share your thoughts in the comments section hit the subscribe button to receive the notifications if you would like to support the channel you can donate at paywall.me slash NARC survivor you can book a one on one with me on our website it's NARC survivor.co.uk thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon