 The Jack Benny program, transcribed and presented by Lucky Strike. The cigarette that's toasted to taste better. If you want better taste from your cigarette, Lucky Strike is the brand to get. It's toasted to give you the best taste. Yes, it's the toasted. Cigarette, they take fine. Tobacco, it's light. Tobacco, it's mild. Tobacco, too. And it's toasted, yes, it's toasted. Because the toasting brings the flavor right through. So to get better taste from your cigarette, Lucky Strike is the brand to get. It's toasted to give you the best taste. Yes, it's the toasted. Cigarette. This is Don Wilson. I'd like you to listen to just the last part of that song once again. It's the toasted. Cigarette. That's one important reason the Lucky tastes better. It's toasted. The fine tobacco that goes into every lucky is toasted to taste better. It's toasted. The famous Lucky Strike process brings Lucky's fine tobacco to its peak of flavor. Tones up this light, mild, naturally good tasting tobacco to make it taste even better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. That's why we say this. If you want real enjoyment from your cigarette, make it Lucky Strike. If you want better taste from your cigarette, Lucky Strike is the brand to get. It's toasted to give you the best taste. Yes, it's the toasted. Cigarette. Starring Jack Belly with Murray Livingston, Rochester, Dennis Day, Bob Crosby, and yours truly down. Ladies and gentlemen, Wild September is one of the most beautiful months of the year. There's a certain sadness about it. Yes, many sad things occur at this time of year. Children have to go back to school, vacations are over, and people have to go back to work. The flowers wilt, the leaves die, and Jack Belly comes back on the air. And here he is, Jack Belly. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Hello again, this is Jack Belly talking. And Don, I want to discuss that introduction with you. On our final show of the season last May, you introduced me with an insult. And now the first show of the new season, you do the same thing. Well, I'm sorry, Jack. You should be. And before dropping the subject, let me remind you of the lyrics of that beautiful tune written about this particular month. The September song? Yes, remember, Don, it's a long, long time from May to December. And it seems even longer when you're not eating. Well, watch it, slenderella boy. Now, this is a new season, so we'll let bygone be. Hi, Jack, hi, Don. Bob, Bob, applause me. Bob, it's good to see you. You look wonderful. Well, so do you, Jack, and you too, Don. Thanks, I feel good too. Tell me, Bob, where did you spend your vacation? Well, Don, I didn't have a real vacation. You see my television show on CBS, well, it's on five days a week. And well, I was kept very busy. Yeah, it's awful. But it didn't have its compensations. I was paid every week. Well, you were paid every week. What good is that? A man needs a little relaxation. I mean, money isn't everything. You ought to realize that. Oh, I sure, I sure. Yes, sir. Can you tell me where Mr. Benny's broadcasting from? I must be in the wrong studio. No, no, Bob, you're not in the wrong studio. Just that I have a new writer, and he hasn't grasped my character yet. That's all. Well, when he gets his first check, he will. I guess so. They all do sooner or later. Gee, I feel sorry for you, Bob, working all summer. Oh, it wasn't bad, Don. Gee, I took every weekend off. Gee, last weekend, I had a wonderful time with my brother, Bing. What'd you do? Well, we did a little mountain climbing. Then we went to the end of the woods, and we hunted. Then we enjoyed some wonderful fishing and a couple of streams and lakes. Where were you? Yellowstone Park? No, in Bing's front yard. Now, wait a minute, Bob. I know Bing has a big house and ground, but it's not that big. Aren't you exaggerating a little? No, I'm not, Jack. In fact, it's an even money bet that Bing's place becomes a state before Hawaii. Gary may have to go to Washington as a senator. It'd be better than going to Pittsburgh as a ball player. Have a nice vacation just on weekends. Oh, certainly, Jack. It's amazing what you can do in just two days. Well, a couple of weeks ago, Frank Remley and I went way up to the high theaters. You took Remley with you? Yeah, very unfortunate thing happened, too. We were climbing around a narrow cliff. All of a sudden, Remley slipped and fell about 30 feet to a small ledge, and no one could reach him. That's terrible. What happened then? Well, finally, one of those St. Bernard dogs with a brandy around its neck got to him. Well, thank goodness. Where's Remley now? Well, the last I saw of him, he and the dog were walking off arm and arm. Remley always was an animal lover. You just see the tender way he treats an old crow. Touching. Well, I remember once. Oh, hello, Mr. Benny. Hello, everybody. Why, Dennis. It's sure good to see all of you again. Good seeing you, Dennis. I sure miss you, kid. Yeah, you know, even though I hate to see our vacations end, there's something nice about all of us getting together. Yeah, that's right, Mr. Benny. Here we are starting a new series. Yes, sir. Are you looking forward to a good season? I sure am. So am I. That's good. In fact, this will be the best season I ever had. Why? I'm quitting your show. Start it. You're quitting the show? Uh-huh. Don, get me a chair. I know this is going to lead into something, and I want to be comfortable. There we are. Now, Dennis, why? Why are you quitting my show? Well, I think a man who is married and has nine children should be in business for himself. Dennis, Dennis, look at me. Yes, sir. Dennis, do you have nine children? No. Are you married? No. Then why would you say you're leaving my show because you're married and have nine children? I did that for your sake. My sake? I didn't want people to know I'm quitting because of the lousy salary you pay me. I'm going to grasp your character 12 years ago. Dennis, look, I'm not going to get mad. It's the first show. I'm not going to get mad. Now, wait. No, I'm holding my temper, see? I'm not getting mad, am I? Am I getting mad? I'm not getting mad, am I? I'm not getting mad. Put your eyes back in. Do I look mad? I'm not mad, am I? I'm not. Now, I just want to say, how can you say I pay you a bat? It's a darn good salary, isn't it? Yeah, when you pay it to me. But all of June, July, and August, no money at all. Well, of course I don't pay it during the summer. We're off the air those three months. We are? Well, certainly. And every Sunday I came down here and sang my heart out. When you came down here every Sunday and saw a completely empty studio, not a soul in it, what did you think? I thought you were slipping. And it's about time, too. It's the start of a new season, so I'm not going to lose my temper. But I thought. No, I'm not going to get mad, Dennis. Just sing. Yes, sir. Yes, I'm not getting mad. Yes, sir. Let me run for all. Range Magnificent. Not bad for a kid who's been singing his heart out all summer. Well, Dennis, you're going to stop making things up. You didn't come down here and sing all summer. I happen to know that this summer you did a four-week personal appearance at the Sahara in Las Vegas. Yeah, that's right. I had a lot of fun in Vegas, too. I even did a little gambling there. Dennis, you shouldn't gamble. You don't know the. Why, Mary? Hello, Jack. Hi, everybody. What were you fellas talking about? What a big hit I was in Las Vegas. Oh, yeah. I went where you broke records there. Yeah, I'll say. When I left, they even dedicated a slot machine to me. There's a slot machine at the Sahara with my name on it. Well, that's nothing. There's a slot machine at the Flamingo with Jack's blood on it. Blood on it, blood on it. A little cut on the wrist, you make a big thing out of it. You come in on the first show, Mary. That's a fine greeting you give me. Oh, I'm sorry, Jack. Oh, sure. I bet you're not sorry at all. You don't see me for months, and that's how you say hello. But I am sorry. And to show you I'm sincere, come here, and I'll give you a big kiss. Well. Come on, let's get on with the show. Oh, quiet, Dennis. You're just jealous. A man with a wife and nine kids is jealous? Get ready. I'm going to kiss you. I'm ready, Jack. There, Mary. How was that? You lost more blood in Vegas than I thought. Keep on like this. I'll be sorry that you didn't stay in Plainfield when you visited your family. Well, say, Mary, Mary, were you in the East during the big heat wave they had? Mm-hmm. Oh, and it was really hot. Everybody suffered with Papa. Well, what'd your father do? Well, every night he'd fill a bathtub with ice cold beer and get in it. Mary, in a few hours, wouldn't the beer warm up? In a few hours, he didn't care. I know, but wasn't it kind of messy when he tried to wipe himself off? He didn't have to. Brian Gold is a dry beer. You know, Mary, I read one day where it got so hot. Mary, Mary, what are you staring at? Well, what's the matter with Don Wilson? What do you mean? Well, since I came in, he's been standing in the corner, not saying a thing, just sulking. Gee, you're right. Don? Oh, Don? Leave me alone. Don, what's the matter with you? What's come over you so suddenly? It's not suddenly. Something I've been thinking about for 20 years. What if there's something wrong for heaven's sake? Tell me about it. All right, I will. Every year, when we come back on the air, I start the program off by introducing you, and you come on and get applause. And then Dennis comes on and gets applause. Then Bob Crosby makes an entrance and gets applause. Then Mary comes on and gets applause. Everyone gets applause except me. It's not fair. Well, if all you want is some applause, Don, we can fix that. Folks, how about giving Don Wilson a big round? There you are. Don, how was that? Wonderful, Jack. Makes me feel great. Good. And folks, I want to thank you for giving Don that big hand because never has so little made so much so happy so fast. So there, if your little heart has been lightened, would you mind getting the sportsman quartet up to the microphone for the commercial? Oh, I will. I will. Oh, sportsman. Hold it, Don. Hold it. I'm with you when you went out on that personal appearance tour this summer. Oh, yes. Did you unpack it? Almost. Oh, yeah, be careful with that hat. I bought it from a magician who was on the same bill with me. A magician's hat? Yes, I'm going to use it on my television show next Sunday. He taught me a trick with the hat. I put in two rabbits and pull out five of them. Well, he must have taught the trick to the rabbits, too. There's four of them now. Rochester, how's the program coming over? What program? What program? My program, the one I'm doing right now. Your program isn't coming over the air. It's stationed a few minutes ago and all. Rochester, are you sure you're tuning into the right station? Yes, sir, and all that. Burns me up. What? Hang up and check into this. Just be sure and have dinner ready when I get home. By the way, what are we going to have? The season of sports from Quartet's prepared a special number, and they're ready to do it. All right, Don. Let him sing it to the studio audience. I've got to go. OK. Probably something wrong with my radio. Can't understand CBS not sending my first program out. My second one I could understand. They think a little thing like that is going to make me quit. They're crazy. I wonder where I go to see the chief engineer. This must be it. It says George Foster, chief engineer. I'll go in. That must be him in front of the big electrical panel. Excuse me, are you the chief engineer? No, I'm his assistant. I'm Jack Benny, and my radio program isn't going out on the air. Who says it ain't? I says it ain't. Maybe it isn't. Why isn't it? I don't know, but it aren't my fault. Where's the reason for my show not being broadcast? Well, let me look at this control panel here. You see what's wrong? What is it? Well, you see, Mr. Bunny, when you talk into the microphone, it creates a series of electronic impulses which are converted to vibrating wavelengths at varying frequencies, which are instantaneously reconverted by a series of transistors. And it comes through here to the master control panel, then they pass through the super heptadone condenser, and the volume is then re-esthetically controlled. Oh, well, I still don't quite understand from your explanation why my program isn't coming out over the air. It ain't plugged in. I can pick up the plug. I can inspect the plug. A chief engineer can plug in the plug. The chief engineer, where's the coffee? He'll be right back. But I can't wait. I'm going to plug it in myself. I'll just pull this other plug out. No, no, no, no, don't pull that one out. That's one of the most popular programs on the air. Everybody's listening to it. What is it? Harry Hawleck in his A&P gypsies. Time hasn't been on for years. Gee, why don't somebody come down here and tell me those things? Mr. Foster. Yeah. I'm Jack Benny. And I've already dressed your character. Here tells me that my program is off the air because that wire isn't plugged in. I know. That's the trouble when my sponsor learns about this. He knows. The sweetheart of Lucky Strike, Miss Dorothy Collins. If you want better taste from your cigarette, Lucky Strike is the brand to get. It's toasted to give you the best taste. Yes, it's the toasted cigarette. They take fine tobacco with light. Tobacco with mild tobacco too. And it's toasted, yes, it's toasted. Because the toasting brings the flavor right through. So to get better taste from your cigarette, Lucky Strike is the brand to get. It's toasted to give you the best taste. Yes, it's the toasted cigarette. Friends, your enjoyment of a cigarette is just as simple as that. If you want better taste from your cigarette, Lucky Strike is the brand to get. It's toasted to taste better. Naturally, Lucky's better taste begins just where you'd expect it to begin with fine tobacco. L-S-M-F-T, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. And then that tobacco is toasted. It's toasted, the famous Lucky Strike process tones up Lucky's naturally good tasting tobacco to make it taste even better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. So next time, get better taste. Get Lucky Strike. If you want better taste from your cigarette, Lucky Strike is the brand to get. It's toasted to give you the best taste. Yes, it's the toasted cigarette. Hey, Rochester, any mail or phone calls? Yeah, Mr. Frank Remley called. He wanted to tell you that he's opening at the Cinegrill at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel October 5th. Oh, good, good. I'll go down and see him. Mr. Remley said you'd enjoy it. He's got a special attraction this year. A special attraction? His vocalist is a sweet benign. I don't see that. Good night, folks. And produced and transcribed by Hilliard Marx. The Jack Benny program is brought to you by Lucky Strike, product of the American Tobacco Company, America's leading manufacturer of cigarettes.