 Our next speaker up is Robbie Kramer who up to this point at the event has been doing the introductions I'm doing is now of course because he's a speaker at this specific point This will be his third speech at the 21 convention last year in Orlando, Florida being his first Just about seven weeks ago at the time of filming here now He was in London, England hosting the event just like here as well as giving a speech actually the keynote address pretty big job His speech this time around is going to be merging intergame and outer game as you can see here at the tip of my cane It's gonna be awesome So without further ado I guys I present to you guys your host emcee and speaker Robbie Kramer the Hebrew Hammer of Confidence I love I love my new nickname that's great, so you guys have Got him to know me a little bit throughout the the conference and It's great being an emcee because I'm kind of already warmed up in a cool way That's why I do it So my speech today is on merging inter and outer game as Anthony said a lot of you guys have been coming up during the course of the weekend Asking like are you in her game or you add her game and my answer is always there should be no difference It's all just confidence in my opinion So I'm gonna tell you my story first how I got into all this stuff I'm growing up. I was a golf and poker geek. This is me right here in College I played golf for UC San Diego up until I was 18 My life was wake up Turn on the golf channel before school go to school go to the golf course Come home watch the golf channel go to bed. So as you can imagine, I didn't have much of a social life I was kind of Not really an introvert. I feel like I'm more of an extrovert, but Throughout my time in you know high school middle school My life was golf and then in college. I picked up poker as well And if any of you guys play online poker, which you can't anymore in the US But back in the day you can basically spend hours clicking a mouse And if you're making money, it's pretty good pretty good thing to do except once again Not very social and I realized at the end of college that I wasn't good enough for the PGA tour I didn't want a career as a professional poker player just because I didn't feel like that would be much of a life other than easy money and I didn't really know what I was gonna do but a buddy of mine got a job working for a venture capital firm and This is this is me at the VC firm got my suit on selling these products here and The job was to raise money for startup companies. I'd never done any sales before in my life I had no idea how to sell anything and I never thought of myself as a salesman But I did know that if I learned to sell that'd probably be a really good thing You know a good life skill to have so I said whatever I'll take this job. I have no other prospects. It sounds good So I started sales and at the same time Another friend of mine introduced me to the book the game. Who's read the game? Most people and I think a lot of people this is kind of our introduction Into personal growth. It was for me as a guy. I was never interested in personal growth I was like as for girls and gays, but hey, yeah, I'll read a book about picking up girls That sounds great and at first when he showed me this book. I'm like, yeah, I don't need that stuff I'm I got game not really but I pretended I did and he's like, no, trust me. You want to read this book So I've you know, I turned it open Read it within like a day and a half. I think I stayed up all night. I guess I'm not that fast of a reader Some people like yeah, I read in two hours. Okay, so Reading the game was really cool because to me it it was like a The first time in my life where I realized that there was actually a way to improve Yourself in an area that was really important to me It's like wow I could get better with girls because up until that point the only women I had in my life were you know Meet a girl at a party make out with her. She's my girlfriend for three years I basically did that for three women throughout, you know high school and college and I was always envious of those guys I could just kind of go up there chat up a girl take her home and Go on dates. I'd never even gone on a date until I was 23 after reading the game I had no idea what a date was even like so It was it was great to just be able to to realize that I had the power to improve and I remember the first night after reading the game. I put it down and You know after reading it. I was like, okay, there's some stuff in here. That's cool There's some stuff that's a little bit weird, but I'm willing to try anything. I had no idea what was good. What was bad? So I was like, whatever I'll try it went out and I remember one thing really stood out for me I remember if you call a girl a cartoon character She'll like you like, okay, I'll give that a try. So I see this hot brunette. I walk up and I'm like, hey You kind of look like Minnie Mouse She was like Minnie Mouse. I'm like, yeah, Minnie Mouse and then I was like shit I don't know what else to say. Oh, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. So Go to the bathroom come back. I'm like, hey Minnie Mouse. You want a shot? She's like, yeah Okay, cool. So I go back to the bar. I get a shot for me get a shot for her. I come back. Here you go Minnie Mouse She like rolls her eyes looks at me takes a shot like was a good Minnie Mouse She's like dude, you got to stop calling me Minnie Mouse because I actually really like you like what? This girl likes me. What do I do now? Then I remember from the game. There was this. I think they called it like the evolution phase shift Where you make out with the girl by segueing by getting her to like You know bite your arm and bite your neck and do this other crazy stuff I had no idea how to do it But I was like come with me and I pulled her to the side like you know lions, you know before they have sex They bite each other so one like biting her. She's biting me. We're making out a minute later And then she got all turned on so I was like, hey, let's let's go Drag her into a cab went back to my place and we hooked up and the whole interaction was maybe 15 minutes And the next morning I remember. Oh my god. I found the holy grail. This is so easy I just have to go up to girls and call a Minnie Mouse and do this stupid little lion biting arm gay thing and I'll have girls every night for the rest of my life life is good and then quickly After about three more months of trying that every single night and zero results I realized all right. Maybe there's something else going on here. So That's when I decided to become a pickup artist now. I don't really I No longer consider myself a pickup artist when I was trying to be a pickup artist I certainly wasn't picking much up at all more of a I don't know failure artists whatever you want to call it But these are some of the things I tried on my endeavor to become good with women I tried faking it till you make it. So when I give a girl the look She knows she's coming home with me So Trying that like yeah, I'm cool. I'm confident. I'm alpha. I'm like walking around like this That didn't work so well. I tried dressing like a homo Wearing these silly outfits that didn't really match my personality But because these guys said wear these outfits and you'll be like this peacock. Okay, I'll try it That didn't work out so hot. I tried memorizing canned material. I just put me in my head Didn't do much for me at all. I Tried trying to entertain and impress Magic tricks lock it up like being this court gesture this big over-the-top guy And I got a lot of attention that way, but that's about all I got and after a while. They're like, okay. See you later I tried Next the woo-hoo year. So after trying all this outer game stuff you could say It wasn't really working so hot. I was because I was going out and doing stuff. I was getting better I was getting over approach anxiety I was you know, definitely improving because the ultimate thing you can always do is get experience Like there is no substitute for experience so just a sheer act of going out and trying a lot of stuff was amazing and then I heard about this stuff I Call it woo-woo, but you can call it new age things, you know different modalities to build your confidence Because I realized that I didn't feel confident. I felt like I had to be this guy I had to put on this act and I learned or I heard that You can do this inner work and then be really confident like after you do all this inner game stuff You'll just feel like a million bucks. We're like, okay. I'll try it. It was expensive, but I didn't care I was willing to put, you know, all of my money and investment behind this because it was really the most important thing in my life So I tried tapping on my face Some people I think this is called EFT I went to a guy. He sat me down. He starts hitting me here and here and here. I was like, what is this doing? This is not helping but I Tried it for a while. No success. Not for me. Now. I'm not saying this stuff doesn't work for some people This didn't work for me. I tried aligning my chakras Spent about $15,000 on a course to align my chakras because I was told that once my chakras are aligned I could do anything and money would flow into my life and women would flow into my life And I had to do nothing to sit in a chair. So $15,000 broker. I Realized aligning my chakras was probably not going to make my life that easy I also tried whining about my issues Different counseling different seminars to just talk about my emotions and of course that helped I think it's great to talk about your emotions and stuff like that, but in terms of getting results with women No such luck Reciting positive affirmations. I'm confident. I'm the best. I'm amazing. Wait. No, I'm not. I'm just saying this stuff This isn't really working either shit Getting hypnotized You're amazing you're confident you're the best like Didn't work So it dawned on me after doing all this stuff and spending I think up to that point I spent about $82,000 on my personal development and You know, I was committed you got to give me that I was committed and I realized that You know the outer stuff wasn't really working the Inner game techniques all the inner game modalities weren't really doing much for me, but I had to learn this I had to go through that process Because if I didn't I would have still thought like oh, maybe it'll work for me So I don't discount any of this stuff and say it was a waste of time It was really important for me to do it because I had to come to that realization But the realization was I knew deep down that if I didn't do the hard stuff in my life If I didn't tackle my real like Goals and go after what I really wanted I would never be the guy I wanted to be and the biggest one for me was Getting in shape because at the age of see I think I was 12 12 or 13 I was in seventh grade ask a girl out for I Forget I think I just asked her out to be my girlfriend. I didn't even ask her asked her friend Hey, could you ask Lauren if she wants to be my girlfriend? Okay, calls up Lauren. She calls me back. Lauren's not sure she'll tell you at school Go to school Lauren just wants to be friends and I decided okay. She wants to be friends because I'm fat Because I was like a decently popular kid in my seventh grade class So I decided that I was too fat to be good with girls. So that was a recurring thing I always told myself if I was thinner I'd be more confident and finally I was like, you know what? I'm gonna do the hard work I'm gonna lose weight and after this conference last year I decided that I was gonna do whatever it took to lose the weight and I knew myself And I knew that if I made a bet with a friend where I had to lose the weight I would lose the weight and I told my friend I'm gonna lose 50 pounds by December 2nd And if I don't I owe you $3,500 and he's like, okay, escrow the money Shit, okay, so I put the money in a bank account. He had the The account he could pull it out. I was I had to do it when I when I put my ass on the line on the line like that It was really easy. I didn't lose it the perfect way. I didn't have the perfect You know method for doing it, but I got the result. I wanted so that was me almost exactly a year ago that's me in December and I'm about the same now so that was huge for my confidence And it wasn't so much that I was thin and it wasn't even so much that I was Like better looking or anything like that what was huge was I accomplished something For me that was the hardest thing to do in my life and the confidence that comes along with accomplishment is Insane every day you wake up and it's like Christmas for me Hanukkah. It's like, oh my god. I've got a good body I don't have to look in the mirror and feel like a fat ass So just you know having that positive, you know, it's just it's just pure happiness really And I'm still riding high from that even you know, nine months later So that was huge and that was something that wasn't easy at all Now it also wasn't easy to drop all of the Pickup stuff all the gamey stuff and be direct be authentic take risks with women And I decided that if I was going to be really good I needed to just get past my BS. I'm gonna talk about that in a second Also learning to read women's emotions it dawned on me that you can't just do a bunch of stuff and have them Magically jump into bed with you or magically fall in love with you You have to be she's a person you have to be able to read her feelings and if you're too worried about you You won't see anything about her So you have to learn to learn to read people and women are actually easier to read than men That's a great thing women are you know, they're open books or emotions are pretty obvious us guys are good at hiding them Also, don't be afraid to get physical. Oops. I might be the wrong slide. Sorry I don't know how that one got in there So I was always scared to make the move and I Decided one day, you know what? I was just gonna go for it Maybe it wasn't the right time. Maybe it wasn't the right thing to do But I decided two things if I went on a date with a girl no matter what by the end of the date I would try to kiss her and If a girl ever slept in my bed, I Had to try to hook up with her Because for a long time I have a girl sleep over You know just friends and we'd sleep in the same bed And I'd stay up all night with a hard on tossing and turning even dreaming about having sex with her and then waking up Like damn. She's still my friend. Oh, so it was like the most torturous thing I don't know if anyone else has experienced that anyone else slept in bed with a girl That was just a friend and being like the entire night just wanting to you know have fun so that was a rule to those two rules and Lastly Malcolm Gladwell, who's read outliers? Few of you guys I'd highly recommend it it talks about what it takes to become just you know the best in your field a world champion and One of the the big points from the book is 10,000 hours for most people. This is about 10 years You know of about three hours a day I think the math breaks down and I've been doing this stuff now for eight years and I've devoted more than three hours a Day to this for the last eight years. I've devoted about Five hours a day And I'm not exaggerating. I live breathe sleep social interactions confidence you know picking up women approaching women In relationship out of relationship. So when I hit this 10,000 hour mark, I think I hit it probably six months ago I noticed a humongous increase in Just my social skills I what I like to say is once you hit a certain level you become like a social genius you see Things that you wouldn't see before you think about the stuff on a different level and you get that from experience You get that from mentors you get it from hours and hours and hours. There's no substitute for experience now Great quote Einstein smart guy Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler When you really meet when you reach mastery and something you realize how simple it is in the beginning when I started Studying, you know how to meet women how to build confidence. It was this big overwhelming thing and now it's very simple to me And I want to help you guys make it simple. I want you guys to walk out of here and after my speech and be like You know, this makes a lot more sense. This is a lot more simple than I thought it was. That's my my goal So this is for you if you want results, but you don't want to compromise your values to get them Very important. I compromise my values for a long time and when I got the results. I wasn't happy with the results You want to maximize efficiency work smarter not harder and you're ready to take action Risk falling on your face, but get the most out of your love and sex life And I know something about you guys that I can't for sure say about the guys in the camera But you guys are ready. You're here. You invested to be here. I think that's amazing You know really pat yourself on the back for that. You guys are the fact that you're here says a lot Today you'll learn how to think in a way that gives you a huge advantage over 99.9% of men and I'm not just saying 99.9% because it's big if you actually take a thousand guys 999 do not think just you guys sitting here based on the information that you've got just this weekend You guys think differently than probably 990 out of a thousand men So I want to give you that a little bit more of an edge How to approach a woman how to keep the conversation going how to read a woman when to make the move how this will affect your lifestyle I'm gonna try to go through all this stuff and because it's very simple. I think we can get through a lot of it Think this is the first thing we've been hearing this over and over and over. We've had some amazing speakers Helping us change our thinking right so I think about this a lot different I think about the process of meeting women and building confidence a lot different than I used to and The first way I think about it is why I talked about being a social genius before but let's talk about what do you want? Do you want? Ten girlfriends. Do you want to get married? Do you want? three-day Falling in love flings traveling around the world. Do you want? You know? crazy sexual experiences The sky's the limit you can really have anything you want, but if you don't know what you want you won't know where to go And this is key. I hear guys saying all the time. I've heard at this conference over and over it makes me cringe Yeah, let's go out to dirty 6th Street There's 18 year old hotties there and the guy would be like a dude wearing a suit like these 18 year old girls Don't want you they don't want the guy in the suit. They want the frat boy They want the guy who's getting wasted and you know spinning them around and doing crazy shit They don't want me you know, I'm pretty good with women. I go out to dirty 6th Street. I'm not gonna do so well Why I don't want those girls. They don't want me. I want women that hang out at the W I want women that are shopping in the nice areas of of the city. I live in New York. I Go out in the West Village. I go out in the meatpacking. I go out in Soho I meet most of women during the day and I'll talk about that in a second But I go to women that are looking for me and it makes my life so much easier for years and years and years I just went where the hot women were and I always wondered why you know I would get shot down so often because they're not looking for me. They're looking for the frat guy They're looking for the biker dude. I used to go to this like Total like biker bar because there were hot biker chicks Do I look like a biker dude like this nerdy guy walking in my little blazer like hey What up to this girl who's like all tatted up with crazy shit and she just looks at me like And I thought oh my opener wasn't any good. No She doesn't want me she wants you know this dude It's so important and you guys really got to think about that go where the women want you Because you'll want them to if you know women the same women you want also want you and that's not you know, that's not a What's the word? Coincidence it's not a coincidence. So where you go out is probably more important than how good your game is If you have a guy who has zero game But he's like an eye banker He's got some money. He knows how to dress and he goes out to it like a nice lounge He's gonna do okay because women are looking for him women will make his life easy that guy goes to dirty 6th Street. No good So let's talk about approaching now Tell you a quick story. I was walking down. I Think 34th Street in New York right when I moved there this was probably four months ago five months ago and This is six o'clock in the evening still light out walking home and I see a girl in quiz nose all I can see is her back sitting at a table and She looked amazing from behind. I love Burnett's I couldn't really see anything except her hair and that she was fit and She looked like she was dressed like a girl I'd want so like hmm Alright, I'm really gonna walk into quiz nose and check her out. So how am I gonna do this? I figured okay. Well, I can't really see her face. So I'm gonna go I'm gonna order a water and then I'll be able to check her out while walking to fill up my water at the fountain And then if she's cute, I'll hit on her. So that's what I did. I walked by and she was gorgeous so I walked up to her and I said Check this out. I was standing outside. I saw a really cute Burnett in quiz nose But I didn't know what her face looked like so I went to the cat I went to the cashier. I ordered a water I filled up my water here. I am you're that girl. I'm Robbie What do you think she did? She cracked up. She smiled. She literally like spit food out of her mouth when I said that Now you guys can probably see a little bit of humor in there But to a woman that does not happen very often. You don't get a guy confidently walking up It's not a pickup line. All I did was literally say what I was doing There was nothing else there except this is what I just did to meet you and she cracked up We talked for five minutes. She introduced me. She actually took me out of the quiz nose introduced me to a group of friends I was watching a movie next door and She did that for a reason. She did she did that to see if I was a fake or not she wanted to see how I would interact with her friends and I ended up going on a date with her a few days later date was great so Let's talk about variables When I first started going out. I didn't really think about what would be easy I didn't think about if going out with a wingman was easier than going out without a wingman I didn't really think about going out at night going out a day But if you look at most I think any Anything in life when you minimize the variables Things become easier Right any equation with less variables is less complicated. So in my opinion the absolute easiest Place to meet women is one-on-one during the day. She's sitting in a park with luggage Doing absolutely nothing now. This doesn't happen very often. It happens in New York quite a bit You'll have a girl who's just there. She's like just moved there. She's a tourist She's in a park at like two in the afternoon. She she's obviously not working. She's not doing anything and you know that there's no Distractions, there's no competition. There's no flashy shiny lights that are gonna come and you know interrupt her make her ADD There's no cock blocks, you know Quasimodo her friend is not gonna pull her away So the variables are pretty much, you know, this is the least amount of variables And it is the easiest approach now when I say easiest I mean Logistically easiest it may not be the easiest for you because approaching women during the day at least for me when I got started Was very nerve-racking. It's not a social environment You're not supposed to talk to people during the day at a bar at a lounge This is a social environment. You can just walk up and say hi No one's gonna think you're weird because you're in a place to be social during the day It's not so much So it was always really awkward for me at first even think about approaching a girl during the day Because it just didn't feel right to go up and use a routine. It didn't feel right to just say hey who lies more men or women Why the fuck are you asking me that during the middle? Who are you? Like what do you want? Right? This is the reaction if you guys have ever been out shopping and you got approached by some dude with a Clipboard and he starts asking you hey, where are you from? What do you do blah blah blah? You're like alright, buddy. Just ask me for my money. I know what you want. Stop wasting my time so in a situation during the day You got to tell her why you're there you got to be direct. She already knows why you're there You're gonna look like a humongous douche if you do something else So either walking up and like I said saying exactly what you're doing. That's how I do it I think that's the easiest way and the best part about that is The act of actually doing it is so insanely good for your confidence because you're expressing what you want you're facing your fear you're You know walking up and saying this is what I want out of life. I'm gonna go get it So even if she says I have a boyfriend or I'm not interested You're really never gonna get like a harsh fuck-off rejection. The worst you're gonna get is like maybe ignored Maybe sorry have a boyfriend most women are gonna really appreciate the courage you have the authenticity you're showing and Even if you don't get the number you're gonna build massive confidence from this So why it's called as merging in or out or game is the action you're taking is not only Getting you results. Hopefully, but it's also building you So more variables at night. You have a wingman. There's more stuff going on. You got to be able to interact with him There's more girls. There's cock blocks, so I'm not gonna get into all of that right now because we don't have time, but let's talk real quick about direct versus indirect I think every approach is technically a direct approach women are very smart if you're chatting them up They know what you want. I Wouldn't try bothering to hide my intentions. That doesn't mean I have to say every single time that I want her I don't have to voice that but the way I look at her the way I touch her these things should all be congruent with what I want so I can walk up to a girl and If she's given me eye contact as Adam Lyon said if she gave me a was it a third degree stare You know, she gives me that love like the the fuck me eyes I'm not gonna walk over and say hey. I saw you standing there and gave me the fuck me eyes. I'm Robbie I wanted to come meet you right That won't work. It's too ridiculous. It just shows you don't get it. I have not tried that So I'll walk up and I'll just be like hey, I'm Robbie Shake her hand hold on to her hand She knows why I'm there. I don't have to say it. That's a direct approach My words aren't necessarily direct. I'm not saying anything direct, but that's a direct approach Day versus night talked about that These are some things I like to say in bars Usually if I'm out and I'm standing with my buddies I'd rather be talking to girls right if you're out with your buddies Especially if you're out to meet women and you're just talking to them. You're probably not having fun So if I see a woman I like I'll just walk up to her and I'll say so I was standing over there with my buddies They're not as interesting as you guys. What's up? I'm Robbie It's a direct approach. They like it and then I'll be like actually they're pretty interesting Come on over and I bring them over now. We're in an interaction. It's super easy super direct The other day when was it Friday? I was out with a couple of you guys doing some in-field work The guys I was out with saw a girl on a bike. They're like, how do you hit on a girl riding a bike? This is right over here So she was riding that through the intersection. I like jumped in front of her not not to scare her jump or throw off Her bike, but she was you know ten yards away, and I was like yo pull over so she pulls over I Walk up to her Hey, I was standing with my friends. We saw you on the bike. They thought you were hot I thought you were cute, and they're like dude you should talk to her, but she's on a bike at whatever So here I am. I risked my life to do this. I'm Robbie. She cracked up It was it. It was easy. I said, you know you look like you're in a rush. She said yeah, I'm going to a pool party Where are you from? She asked me from New York. What do you do blah blah blah? Literally a maybe minute and a half interaction, and I said I got to go. I got to get back to my friends. You got to go Let's see each other again. Give me your number if you don't like me. Give me a fake one When asked for a number I say that every time it's just a fun little thing to do and you'll never get a fake number so And approach anxiety like I said if you approach in this manner You'll crush approach anxiety if you can walk up to a woman and tell her Exactly what you're doing and have the confidence to just lay your balls on the line risk rejection You will blast through approach anxiety in a matter of I'd say weeks if you do this three times a day You know five days a week for three weeks You will not have Approach anxiety. You'll have approach excitement, which is different approach excitement is you're excited to talk to her You're still going to be nervous. You're always going to be nervous. You're never going to be completely like Desensitized to it and if you are it just means it's no longer something worth doing Right who wants to go on the teacup rides at Disneyland? No one who wants to go on one of the roller coasters everyone why because it's exciting it gets your blood going gets your heart pumping so Let's talk about how to keep the conversation going and how to read a woman Guys asks this question. How do I keep the conversation going? How do I read a woman or how do I sexually escalate? We'll talk about that next so girl on the seawall this happened a few months ago Another example of a silly Direct say what I'm thinking opener. I'm walking with a buddy. We see two girls sitting on a seawall Gorgeous girls. He's like let's talk to them. I said wait a second. We just ate dinner We had fish our breath is probably nasty. Let's go get some tic-tacs at the store and then we'll come back and hit on him So what do we do? We get tic-tacs. We come back. I walk up to him. Hey, we were walking by like 15 minutes ago We saw you girls sitting here. We thought you look cute our breaths are disgusting We just had fish so we went to the store got some tic-tacs and now we're back to flirt with you What's up? I'm Robbie they crack up. I sit down. He sits down Now immediately he started getting love from his girl They were talking she was into him. She was She turned to face him the two girls one was here one was here. My buddy sat here. I sat here So this girl immediately starts investing in him. I call that investment. She turns to him. She's giving him Her time her energy My girl not so much. She was nice. She was friendly, but she's sitting there She's sitting like this kind of facing away from me, but she's talking to me She's investing with her words. She's not investing with her body at all and From that at first I was like, okay, she's not into me yet But because my buddy was doing so well I Stuck around and it literally took 30 minutes for her to change her body position start facing me She offered me a drink of her. She was like drinking Uso out of a water bottle She was sharing that with me. So it literally took 30 minutes to get investment and during that time all I was doing was really vibing and light rapport Talking to her about Travel talking to her about where I live where she's from really just having what they call a boring interview conversation and a lot of people are like never have boring interview conversations, but if a girl is Interested in you and you ask her boring interview questions They won't be boring because you're interested and if she's interested she'll be interested in you too So this girl was interested. She was investing in me. She was asking me questions. She was sharing with me her life I was sharing with her, but I didn't know she was interested for sure because her body wasn't interested You can't trust women's words, but you can trust their body every time bodies don't lie words do So like I said it took 30 minutes To finally start getting some love from her And in that time like I said vibing and light rapport. We were in isolation meaning She was one-on-one with me her friend was one-on-one with my friend We weren't having a four-way discussion. This is a big mistake I see you guys make they go in with a wingman and they all talk together in one group It's not gonna go anywhere You have to get the girl alone and when I say alone it could literally just mean I'm here Someone's here. The other two people are here could just mean hey check this out. I point over here I face my body over here if she likes me. She'll follow suit now We're in isolation talking having a one-on-one conversation not talking to the group very important to do that If you don't do that within the first five minutes first two minutes, you're probably not going to go very far with that interaction and Then once you're in isolation Deep rapport find out what she's passionate about what are her hopes? What are her dreams be genuinely curious? I mean you probably are already genuinely curious, but don't think of it as a pickup think of it as This is an amazing woman and I want to learn more about her and If you have that attitude she'll really feel that authenticity and you guys share with each other your life It won't be hard to get her into bed once she feels really comfortable with you. She'll she'll get you into bed Fun games, I'll go back to those in a second so Actually, let me talk about those now. So let me finish this story girl in seawall after about those first 30 minutes where she wasn't giving me a lot of love suddenly she started giving me more love she started like I said turning her body and We needed to move we needed to go somewhere else So we went to a bar. We got some shots. We went to another bar We got some more drinks during that time. We're holding hands. We're walking together if a girl is willing to hold your hand She's probably willing to kiss you. She's willing to interlace her fingers in your fingers She wants to kiss you. She's hoping to kiss you and if you don't escalate as Adam Lyon said as some of the other speakers said you're gonna quickly Look like a wimp especially if you approach a girl directly she expects you to physically escalate Basically when you walk up and you say I like you and By talking to her by by her talking to you She's saying I like you too if you don't do anything to escalate that interaction. She's gonna get turned off She's expecting you to so you have to and So what I did in that in this one is I screwed up I didn't escalate and I missed the window there and I knew I had to get that window back I knew I couldn't just lunge in for the kiss because that'd be weird It didn't feel like the right time, you know check in with yourself if it doesn't feel like the right time It's not the right time so we played a fun game I Call it the ice game. I learned this from a random group of people in Germany and The ice game is very simple. You get people around a table There's a bucket of ice and there's a Thing of alcohol bottle of alcohol and it goes guy girl guy girl guy girl guy girl and You don't tell them what you're doing. You just say we're playing the ice game Guys grab ice guys put ice in their mouth. They turn to the girl. They pass the ice without using their hands So it's like spin the bottle. It's a stupid game, but because it's a game Women like to play it. It's not them making out. You're just passing ice, right? It's no longer them being responsible for sex. You're leading you're just passing ice and if a girl doesn't like you She'll still play she'll just get the ice really fast She'll grab the ice and like spit it in your mouth if she has to but if she likes you she'll pass the ice And it'll linger and if you're not sure if you can kiss a girl and you're with a group of people It's a real fun way to test the waters if you're ever in that no man's land situation By no man's land. I mean you don't know if you can escalate or not. Don't stay there Do something put her to a decision Escalate do something small and she'll give you feedback So in this situation, we played the ice game. She was really into it. We start making out had a good night Another great thing to do if you're kind of in that weird situation where you don't know you're in no man's land Body shots you guys know what body shots are tequila shots You lick her neck you put salt on her neck She puts the lime in her mouth you lick her neck to get the salt you take the shot and You basically kiss her to get the lime if she doesn't like you she won't play you say hey Let's take some body shots. She'll be like no, I don't want to she doesn't like you if she's like, okay, she likes you Easy stuff, you know you can you can skip a lot of a lot of pain of figuring out when to kiss a girl if you do something Intermediately and then another great game that I like to play for deep rapport is When I first learned it was called the questions game and the questions game It's just a game that most of you guys probably played when you were six or seven years old It's like truth or dare without the dare. I ask a question you ask a question you go back and forth I have three rules that I made up one. You have to be honest to You have to answer the question that you asked three You have to ask a question that makes the other person potentially embarrassed or nervous So what happens very quickly is you get into very deep rapport. You start talking about sex that comes up very quickly Talking about sex in an interaction with a girl will make her think about sex with you Don't talk about sex with her. Don't talk about disgusting porn and crap like that. This isn't attractive I learned this the hard way. There's a way to talk about sex and there's a way not to that's a whole another speech But playing this game will you ask her, you know, what's have you ever been in jail? What's the craziest thing you've done? You'll get to know somebody very quickly and if you're not naturally good at Getting into deeper poor, you know a tool like this can be really helpful physical escalation when to make the move probably two years ago. I was out at a bar in Venice and It was called the brig I walk in the door. There's a dance floor right past the dance floor. There's a bar girl looks at me at the bar and Just gives me the biggest type 3, you know, I want you eyes. I've ever seen like I'm not doing it right. She's like she's looking at me and she's smiling and just giving me that like Amazing feminine sexual look so I walk up to her. Hey I'm Robby shake her hand She's immediately into me. She's like nuzzling up against me. It's great Like an idiot after about three minutes. I decided that I was gonna go talk to my friend and Of course when I came back, she's dirty dancing with the biggest black dude. I've ever seen So Like dang that sucks my buddy goes no man Just just talked to her just wish her a good evening Interrupt her on the dance floor wish her a good evening tell her it was nice to meet her The guy can't he's not gonna kick your ass if you say that so I said fine I was still a little bit scared. He was going to so I basically stopped them She was like humping this guy who's eight feet tall And I stopped them and I say hey, it was really nice meeting you earlier I'm gonna run she immediately turns her back to this guy who was just her friend and he wasn't hostile or anything He just kind of walked away and full investment again. I'm back in so I'm thinking well Thank God my friend told me not to be a pussy. This is great so then the interaction gets interesting we're up against the bar and She takes her hand and cups my balls She just goes Not not in a hot not in like Like I'm gonna hook up with you way and like I'm gonna rip your balls off your way It's never happened to me before I'm like, uh So I grab her by the hair You know as forcefully as she did to me and I try to pull her into kiss her and she slaps my hand away And like jumps back like whoa. Whoa. What is going on here? This is strange So I'm like a deer in the headlights at this point Then she comes back over and she grabs me by the face like this and she's like shaking my head around like this girl Psycho what is going on? But then I remembered I was like, okay stay calm stay grounded stay cool and Obviously this girl is into you She's showing massive investment and she wants to play just let her seduce me. This is a big a big thing that I did Wrong for a long time was that I felt like I was the one who had to seduce her women will seduce you They're better at conversation than you they will lead the conversation They're probably better at physical escalation than you they can lead physical escalation So your only job is to get them to like you and you do that by approaching them in an authentic direct way You create attraction and a lot of the time you can just put it on autopilot after that so this crazy, you know physical banter went on for about 20 more minutes where She started actually trying to kick me in the balls Then I got pissed at a certain point I got pissed and I wasn't gonna stay just cool and collected anymore. I was like listen you can fuck around with me but do not try to kick me in the balls and she Kind of in a weird way melted She was like, okay I can't fuck with this guy because I think she was kind of toying with me up until that point She was just having fun and that's when she realized okay. This guy is serious. He's He's he actually has balls. He's willing to set a boundary And then she got real feminine. She kind of nuzzled up against me We started making out and then she got crazy again and tried to pull me in the bathroom Well, she did pull me in the bathroom, but I'm not a big fan of sex and dirty bathrooms So I went back to my house But what I learned from this interaction was something very interesting and that was that you don't have to try every time You don't have to do everything if you're just relaxed. You're a cool guy Let her seduce you some women want to be seduced other women want to seduce you every woman is different Escalating on a woman is not a step-by-step process Every girl is different and you have to think you have to think who is this girl What does she want? What is she like? It was obvious that this girl wanted sex that night If I started trying to have a deep rapport conversation with her after she tried to grab my nuts Oh, so what are your hopes and dreams and passions? weird, right? Think about this stuff. It's not you don't have to go deep rapport every time You got to read the woman if she's into you know dancing and partying and having a crazy time Then that's what you have to do if you're at a lounge and it's and it's dark and it's quiet That's when you have the deeper poor conversation not when she's out on the street And for the longest time like I said I thought about it as a step-by-step process It's not you have to be able to switch gears you have to be able to read her and this is really the mastery I think when it comes to seduction and meeting women is being able to read what's different about her How does she want to be seduced is she going to seduce me? How am I gonna deal with her friends? She's driving She's got four girls that she's taking home. Am I gonna try to make out with her here and pull her in the bathroom? No, she's sober. She's responsible for her friends. I'm gonna get her number and take her on a date Think ahead think about what you're doing. Don't just haphazardly go into a bar and start shotgun approaching every chicken there See the situation right she's with two girls don't go in with a wingman What happens if you go in with a wingman when there's three girls? One of them is left out One of them has no one to talk to or you or your wing is stuck talking to two How can you isolate two at one time you can't? The third the fifth wheel in this situation will cock block you every single time unless she happens to be a woman With you know, she's really social and she doesn't mind being by herself She'll just go meet some new people most women aren't like that most women came with their friends They want to talk to their friends So this woman who's left out will start competing with her friends attention who's gonna win She she'll win right they're loyal to her. She just met you So if you're two guys you approach groups of two four six If you're by yourself you approach girls of one three five if you're with three guys You approach of three, you know always make an even number on the end simple things like that Can make a humongous different to think that's that's the I want you guys to think Learning through failures Every time you fail you get information That information if you think about it and assess it especially if you have a mentor or a coach somebody who can show you Why how to analyze the information you'll learn every night you go out you'll improve if you talk to one girl and you're direct and you're Putting yourself out there in an authentic way you will improve 100% guaranteed Her body never lies remember you can't trust her words, but you can trust her body If she's willing to interlace her fingers with you and she's calling you the biggest prick she's ever met She'll still make out with you. She's playing with you if she says I have a boyfriend When she's got one hand on your hip and she's looking up at you like that it means Let's be discreet and hook up If she says in a sexy way, I have a boyfriend, but she's standing like this She has a boyfriend and she's telling you to leave What does no mean No sometimes means now or not now or never Depending on how she says no it can be not now Like no, that's not now. No is never It's her body you have to read her body read her tonality Nathan talked about tonality and body language stuff like that, you know, don't just listen to her words It's very important. You read her body if you can read her body you can read her emotions end of story And it's good to get rejected every time you get rejected you face embarrassment and shame embarrassment and shame is Evidence that you are growing as a person When I come up to speak I love it because I'm putting myself in an embarrassing potentially shameful situation I can say something retarded you guys could all hate me and at least I'd walk out and I would say you know what? I grew today. It was was uncomfortable, but I grew Your you will build confidence if you put yourself in an uncomfortable situation every single day Just one you will grow faster in that year or month Then you would in five or ten years by doing that and you'll feel incredibly alive. It's and happy. It's and it's just amazing Let's talk about what confidence is very quickly Who's confident that the Sun will come out tomorrow? Why because it has every single day, right? That's confidence confidence is knowing knowing comes from repeated wins stacking up wins Knowing that things are going to happen as you want them to happen. Who's confidence going to rain tomorrow? The weathermen says 30% confident which probably is nowhere even close. We're not confident because it doesn't happen all the time So if I go out to meet women and I usually strike out can I be confident? No, doesn't matter what I do it doesn't matter if I pump myself up and look in the mirror and say you're confident You're confident. You're confident. I'm going to know deep down. You're not confident She's not gonna like you So do the things that you know you need to do to be confident lose that weight go to the gym Approach women in a direct way put your balls on the line. You will grow as a guy You will grow very quickly do the things you know you need to do the confidence will come the results will come and the when the results come The confidence is insane Eventually you'll get to a point where you know you're gonna go out and you're gonna meet one amazing girl Every time and that feels really good. You got during the day. I know if I approach 10 women I'm going to sleep with one. I know that because Statistically that's what happens. I'm always going to sleep with at least one Five are gonna have boyfriends five are gonna be married. They're not gonna be interested That leaves five left out of ten one of those girls is just not gonna be open to a guy hitting on her on the street Maybe she's antisocial. Maybe she's a little bit weird So now I'm left with four out of ten and I know if I come across in a direct and authentic way There's a really good chance Those four will like me If I'm nervous if I'm scared if I'm just doing this stuff if I'm new at this It's not gonna be four out of ten. It might be one out of ten two out of ten three out of ten and That's getting a number. That's creating attraction and then out of those four, right? You're probably not gonna hook up with all of them, but At least one usually, you know, it's a numbers game play the numbers You're not gonna pick up every girl. It's impossible. The biker chick does not like the investment banker Right, he can't pick her up unless she's secretly in love with investment bankers There's no amazing pickup artists that can get every girl. It just doesn't happen. So be smart about it Managing your friend. Oh haters real quick on this as you get better at this stuff As you become more confident people aren't going to like you For the longest time in my life It was not okay if someone didn't like me. I felt like I was a bad guy and I would always be just, you know, really docile Really passive. I wouldn't ask for what I wanted. I wouldn't you know be honest with people and I didn't have any haters, but I also didn't have any people that were really really Infrared by me. So judge Judy great example There's a lot of people that hate judge Judy, but how successful is she she used to battle Oprah for the top rated? You know TV person you're in and you're out and what's her thing? She's honest. She's direct. She's no bullshit She tells it like it is you may not like her, but you'll respect her if you're honest if you're authentic Some people won't like you Too tough for them. They'll respect you. That's more important Some of your friends won't like you if you get into this I have a lot a lot of friends that they weren't they're no longer friends because they were Jealous they didn't like the fact that I was growing and These guys, you know It's okay. They didn't want to grow. I don't hold it against them But we're just no longer friends anymore and you have to be willing to face that And your lifestyle When I was working at the investment Bank I Was working 80 hours a week. I couldn't go out every night So I went out every day on my lunch and I talked to three girls at the mall You have to be able to you have to make time for this stuff. You have to do it consistently It's just like working out. You can't go to the gym for one weekend and get in shape You can't eat healthy for two weeks and get in shape. It takes three months minimum You're changing your lifestyle Last thing is failure. Why why people fail? Fear not facing your fear not having a plan Have a plan if the plan's wrong, who cares you can change the plan later at least have a plan No follow-through if you don't actually execute your plan or execute your plan in a consistent way The plan won't do any good and not making it a priority If you want to succeed at something you have to make it a priority in your life if you want to Get out of your nine-to-five and start a new career You have to set aside time to start a blog build a business build a list if It's just some hobby that you work on three hours a week It's never going to take off if you want to get good with women. You got to do this stuff five times a week You want to get in shape? You have to eat healthy and go to the gym. You have to you know put in the effort So I want to offer you guys something. I do what's called a free strategy session and Just from talking to you guys interacting with you guys I know so much about where you are with women because it's really about social skills and What I'll do on this free call is ask you a bunch of questions Figure out your situation and then give you strategies to improve It's Free for the first five guys to email me just send it to there Oops, let me go back Robbie at interconfidence calm and I think I have a few minutes for questions In the beginning I first of all, thanks for the speech. That's great in the beginning you touched about the outliers And it was interesting. You said you noticed little things, you know You called clean yourself a social social genius Can you just touch upon like a couple specific things you'd say you notice now that are different from when you began Yeah, I talked about a few of them Just that simple thing about if you're by yourself approaching groups of three or five or one For the longest time I would go out by myself and I'd approach a group of two girls and I'd wonder why I'd always get cock-blocked Simple the other girl is no one to talk to If I was talking with a group of women With a friend and we were having a group conversation. I would wonder why I didn't go anywhere simple no isolation You notice little things you notice when a woman is talking to you, but she's always glancing away and You know, she's not interested at that point even if she's You know sounding like she is she's not interested. So being a social genius is really just recognizing patterns That's it and the only way to recognize patterns is to have experience do it over and over and you'll recognize those patterns Faster if someone can point them out to you beforehand because then you'll see him. You'll know what to look for Yeah Hi, so I just wanted to thank you again for offering your your service yesterday for free And it was the least I could do to say that You know he watched my approach over and over and offered me really precise feedback so I mean it was very very valuable to me and you're the this weekend is the first time I've ever had a coach actually look at my style and I think one of the things that a lot of us are doing is it's just like working out We just go in the gym and we just lift heavy things and call it good And and then we're not happy with our our results so that's what I've been doing for like the past year and a half is just shotgunning this crap and No guidance. I'm just stabbing in the dark and maybe something's happening. So, you know It was really helpful to get that precise feedback and that precise You know step by step by step And then the other thing I just want to mention was you said about doing the hard stuff When I'm in a really crappy mood and I don't know if you can kind of speak to this When I'm in a really crappy time in my life or really crappy just a real low It's because I'm not making any approaches. I'm not doing any of that I may be trying to align my chakras. We all know that Going out and trying to pick up chicks is what will give us that and I can always tell how I'm doing by how Confident how happy I am and I know as soon as we're rejection or not. It doesn't matter whether I'm rejected or accepted It's it's whether or not I'm making those actions. So if you want to speak to yeah, exactly, you know if if you're feeling like shit if You know, you're just dealing with a lot of negative emotions Go out do something physical approaching women is a physical activity. This is a sport. It's not It's it's closer to a sport than it is to learning math or learning science. It's a physical act and Doing anything physical like if I'm in a bad mood I go out I play ice hockey. I smash in the dudes It's amazing. It's like the most therapeutic thing move your body go to the gym lift heavy shit Don't just sit there and dwell in your emotions. You know, it's good to sit there and reflect and you know Think about your emotions But go out and take action as guys were very action-oriented if we take action We're usually happy and especially if it's action in the areas that matter most to us So thanks for adding that mark Robbie, thank you. Yeah for the great speech So you said something that really that really rang true for me and that's what I call segmenting the market But you said it in a different way. It's go where Go where you're a better fit for the opposite sex like the 18 year olds down 6th Street aren't aren't gonna be a fit They certainly aren't for me right at my age and you're not interested in them either. No, I'm not Yeah, so thanks for bringing that up because I don't know if that's really wrong true in this You know in the year that I've been kind of following this stuff I just haven't really picked that up, but I picked it up kind of on my own. It's like this stuff isn't working this Shotgun approach and go into the wrong venues just doesn't work. And so thanks for thanks for saying that yeah, you're welcome I'm glad you realize that too Think we got to wrap it up or one more. We have time for one more question. Go ahead My question is you're talking about how you're in that set for a while And and she she kind of took a while to open up to you with your body So, how do you know when you should just leave and give up and just you know play the numbers game Are we should you should just stay and keep just plowing and you know getting her to finally show interests? How do you draw that line? Yeah in that situation to be honest I Would have left if it wasn't for the fact that my wingman was locked in with his girl But the entire time I'm sitting there beating myself up thinking ah this girl doesn't like me What did I do wrong this sucks, but at least she was talking to me There was never an awkward silence where we were just sitting there doing nothing She was still investing something if she's investing even a little bit take that as a sign of interest Like I said I would have left in that situation and that would have been the wrong move obviously because eventually she warmed up And it was amazing, but if she's not some girls just won't do it This girl was exceptionally beautiful She had been hit on that entire week Which I found out later just guy after guy after guy and she was on guard And it literally took her 30 minutes to realize like okay. This guy's cool. He's confident. I he gets it I'm gonna open up to this guy, and that's when she did and I just kept trying to remind myself alright stay in be a good wingman and Eventually it worked out now if it had gotten awkward meaning she started giving me one word answers She just completely Stopped investing in me then trying to stay there for your wingman or your buddy is not a good idea Because that girl will ruin The interaction for her friend and for your friend she'll get bored She'll start competing with her friend's attention and your friend will lose that war that battle So what you should do what what my wingman should have done well if that would have happened right if You have to not only if you really want to be a social genius You not only have to be aware of what's going on with you and her you have to be aware What's going on with your wingman and his girl and if you see that it's awkward between them Don't try to continue the interaction with your girl because eventually she'll sabotage it so get her number talk to her later and Yeah, I guess that's it get her number talk to her later Make sure you're aware of everything going on like once you really start Getting these skills as you won't have to think about them right like I don't really have to think that much about whether a girl's interested In me or not. I just feel it. It's like driving a stick Right when you know when to take your foot off the clutch and went to accelerate because you can feel it in the beginning You can't really feel it. You got to time it. You got to look at the tachometer Eventually you get the feeling in your body that only comes from practice Did that answer your question? Great. All right guys. Thank you very much