 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic, the six signs he only wants to sleep with you run from these guys. Really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you could be notified of new videos. And if any time during this video the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I could be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly my coaching is what I call heart centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance a sentence. So if an F-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions, by no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian so my advice goes contrary to public opinion and traditional expectations. So once again all I ask is you give me a little chance if it resonates with you and it's not, that's okay too. All right, let's talk about those six signs he only wants to sleep with you. Now what's interesting, I saw a comment in the beginning of this thinking all along the lines that he only wants to sleep with you as opposed to sleep with anyone else versus he only wants sex with you and we're going to be talking about that version versus the other version. So I'm glad that was brought to my attention because I do recognize that this title can be a little bit confusing. So let's just face it, human beings are an absolute mess when it comes to dating, mating, and relating these days. Let me repeat that human beings are a complete mess. It is a shit show out there when it comes to dating, mating, and relating for a variety of different reasons that would go as long. The notes would go from here to the moon if we had to calculate them all together. And I think one of the primary reasons centers around sex and I think this has to do with the barrier of entry to sex, the barrier of entry to sex. And what I mean to say is, well, let's think back hundreds of years ago for the most part, if two people liked each other and they wanted to sleep together, they had to get married. They basically, that was the prerequisite to having sex. And quite frankly, courtships back then only lasted a nanosecond. What I mean to say, people got married sometimes, literally within days of meeting each other, weeks within meeting each other. It was very rare that it went much longer than a few months of knowing one another before they had sex or before they had sex because they had to get married ahead of time. That was the predominant prerequisite. Now this wasn't always, this isn't an absolute, but this happened to be the predominant narrative. And certainly things changed around the 1960s with the advent of birth control and certainly is the women's movement more to the sense of their freedom of equality, certainly in the workplace and whatnot. And at the same time, women became more empowered. And certainly there could be the narrative that, while men tend to have sex just purely for the pleasure of it, and women wanted it more from an emotional perspective, that certainly has changed in the last few years that women, and by the way, I'm not here to judge whether or not you have sex with someone is a good or bad thing. I'm just gonna say that when we have physical contact with someone at a sexual nature, it can create a lot of problems later on down the road, which I'll address in a moment. But when I come back to the narrative prior to the 60s, was if you wanted to get laid, you had to get married. Well, now, and then I was thinking about the time when I was in my 20s around the 80s, if anyone knows the 1980s, that period of time, that's when I was single, or first single in my life as an adult. And what was interesting is back then, it was coming off the tail, there was this tail end of women having sex too soon, they were considered easy, they were considered easy. So back then I remember dating was, at least when you really liked someone, you actually took, as a man, we actually took time to get to know someone versus jumping into the bed with them. If we wanted to jump into bed with someone back in the 70s, 80s, or 90s, it was real simple. You would go out to a nightclub and thank, well, I said thankfully, this doesn't sound right, but certainly if there was alcohol involved, a woman's judgment was oftentimes impaired. And I'm sorry that I'm laughing at this, I'm laughing back at my own behavior back then. And it was quite easy, the barrier of entry was easy. One or two shots of alcohol was about the easiest barrier to entry. And this is where a lot of one night stands happen. Now what's interesting with the advent of the internet, and certainly in now we're talking about the late 90s, the 2000s, and certainly to today, the new barrier of entry happens to be just at a swipe, not barrier entry of sex, but just the barrier of entry to get to meet someone is just to swipe away. And what's fascinating when I went through my divorce in the early 2000s, I'll be candid with you ladies, it was rather simple. I really didn't take much effort on my part to get late on the first, second, or third date. Not that I was in a state of being disingenuine or whatnot. I certainly, right after my divorce, I know in my particular case, I was an emotional train wreck. I was an emotional train wreck. And I was thirsty for attention, both on an emotional level, but mostly at a physical level. And I was quite shocked at how easy it was to have sex compared to the 80s prior to when I got married because women seem to have more boundaries up and these boundaries have seemed to drop, okay? Now, I'm not here to say this is right or wrong, I'm just observing what's happening today. So I believe, now coming back to what I shared before, sex is a very intimate, or can be a very intimate experience. And if you think about the three reasons to have sex, one would be for making babies, although most of us at midlife aren't in that phase in our life. And certainly with birth control and contraception and whatnot, and condoms and whatnot, that's probably less likely. So the need for making babies doesn't exist as much. So the other two reasons are pleasure and intimacy, pleasure and intimacy. Now, intimacy is into me you see, in other words, really getting emotionally close with someone. And yet sadly, most people are just operating from the pleasure base and not really creating the necessary intimacy prior to having sex, prior to having sex, creating that emotional bond with one another. And this is one of the reasons why men might only be in it for sex because they're in it for the pleasure. So in a few minutes, I'm gonna share these six signs, these six signs of how to determine which are the guys only in it for sex or which are the guys who are actually gonna go deeper. And we're gonna talk about also how to create that in your relationship. So you have a better chance if this is what you want. By the way, ladies or gentlemen who are watching this, if you're only in it for sex, that's okay, you're entitled to do what you want. I'm here to encourage a different, I'm here to encourage more awareness because quite frankly, the minute we're physically, at least predominantly more so women than men, women tend to not always bond through sex because one of the things that release in their body is oxytocin and oxytocin is a bonding agent that bonds you to another human being. Whereas men don't seem to release that in the same degree as women do. So on some level, it behooves people, or at least behooves women in particular, to be more selective on who they have sex with because you can bond with them. And it, and quite frankly, dating already inherently has a huge issue built into it which in that piggybacks on this piece of when you bond with someone because most human beings on some level are suffering on the inside, feeling not good enough, not lovable, not likable. I'm gonna repeat that, not good enough, not lovable, not likable. And dating can trigger that like nobody's business, especially if we've experienced some level of rejection, whether it's someone not returning a phone call, let me reframe that. You just started communicating with someone and they just disappear, you start dating with someone and then they go distant from you and they start to pull away or worse, you've invested six weeks, 12 weeks with someone, only to have them disappear. This is partially because if we're hurting on the inside, dating will trigger this even more so and it'll amplify this. This is one of the reasons why I wrote my book, What the heck is self love anyway? What the heck is self love anyway? It's a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work so that if you do find yourself in a position where you might be triggered, you're less likely to get triggered because self love is a vaccination to emotional chaos. Let me repeat that, self love is a vaccination to emotional chaos, whether it's not the Moderna, it's not the Pfizer, it's not the Johnson and Johnson, it's certainly not the AstraZeneca, it is doing it for yourself. It's like giving yourself a shot of love because that will prepare you for God forbid if you find yourself in a situation with someone is only in it for the sake. So again, my book, What the heck is self love anyway? There's a link below to get the book. So let's jump into those. So now coming back to there are men who are serious about a relationship and men that are not. Sadly, the vast majority of human beings are very unconscious to the mechanics of a healthy, happy relationship and they typically operate from the place of chemistry equals relationship success. If you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg, I highly recommend you check this out. As you can see above the waterline says attraction and it says chemistry, that's the sex piece. Below the waterline is compatibility, shared values, blendable lifestyles and more importantly, emotional maturity. Some of you ask, what's an example of shared values? Well, let me give you an example. I think here in the United States, predominantly, I'm gonna speak to, is hey look, if you love Donald Trump and would die on the sword for Donald Trump and the other person loves Bernie Sanders and AOC and would die on the sword for them, chances are they don't share the same values, okay? Let's say somebody goes to church five days a week and carries their Bible with them and somebody's an atheist. Chances are they don't share the same values. So that's an example of shared, just just gives you a short example of shared values. Right now vaccines, no vaccines. That's an example of someone's values. Blendable lifestyles is can your lives fit in with one another? Can your lives fit in with one another? Ladies, many of you are suckling on the nipple of the fantasy that if we love each other, Magic Fairy Desk will make our incompatibility work. It's amazing how Magic Fairy Desk can make incompatibility work, especially with lifestyle differences. And I'm talking about major differences. But Jonathan, if we love each other, we can make it work. Men don't operate that way. Ladies, you're the ones who tend to operate that way more so than men. And emotional maturity, let's face it. The most human beings have terrible relationship skills and emotional maturity. In fact, if you haven't seen this chart before and this is not a fact, this is an opinion, I believe roughly 20% of the population has clinical issues. And while I stayed here, 20% of the population might be emotionally healthy. I'm being rather generous. Most humans are dysfunctional. This is why I look. And here's the thing. You might say, well, why do I even wanna bother? Why do I even wanna make effort? Well, here's the way I look at it. Working with a coach like myself, our job is to put the odds in your favor. So you can avoid going out with the wrong people and start choosing the right people. In fact, check out the link below to a free discovery call with me because my area of expertise is teaching you how to pre-qualify your prospect. I think of it from a sales perspective. I know that's not very romantic, but let's face it. Chemistry and romance doesn't lead to relationship success. You know what leads to relationship success? True compatibility, true emotional maturity. That's what's gonna lead to relationships, long-term relationship success and trust. By the way, my coffee mug says, oh wait, what does it say? Don't make me go all psycho roommate on you. Don't make me go all psycho roommate on you. I broke my swear a little, you'll feel better, mug. So don't let me go all psycho roommate on you on these things. All right, let me put on my trusty glasses and I'm gonna share those six things with you right now. Bump, bump, bump. All right, those six signs, he only wants to sleep with you. Number one, you only see him see each other on his terms. You only see each other on his terms. I was recently speaking to a woman at the jacuzzi at the complex I live at. And she was just sharing with me how she had a short lived relationship with someone we think it was something like eight or nine dates. All of it was on his terms. It was at his beck and call. Now part of the problem with her is, and this is something I encourage, is ladies, if you've gone on one or two dates with a guy, you call him up and plan the third date with him. If he avoids you, that's not a good sign because someone who genuinely wants to get to know you is gonna appreciate that you made effort and he's going to wanna spend time with you. But men who basically reach out on their date, the relationship is all on their terms. There's a good chance he's only in it for the sex. And certainly the communication in between the time you see each other is very, very limited. So that's one good sign, or not a good sign, but a sign. Number two, he tends to call you only at night and he doesn't wanna spend the daytime with you. He tends to call you at night and he only wants to spend daytime with you. Well, that's not an absolute because people do work during the day and maybe they only have nighttime. Look at one of my favorite times to get on a phone with a woman from a dating app perspective is the first thing in the morning. I'd love that time of day. So certainly making time during the day and making time during the day to see someone. When someone only makes nighttime available to you, then oftentimes that's only in it for the sex versus someone who wants to actually incorporate you into their lives. Number three, they make no effort or interest in having you meet his family or friends or vice versa. He makes no effort or interest introducing you to his family or friends. And certainly he makes no effort in the wanna meeting your family and friends. That's a good sign that he's only interested in the short run and not the long run. Number three, the four, excuse me. His compliments about you are only based on your appearance. His compliments about you are only based on you. You look so hot, you look so sexy. Wow, I just wanna fuck you. Well, that's gonna be the next one. But basically he doesn't really engage in the balance of your life. Most of his communication happens to be about your physical or physicality and not your emotionality. No, you're not your intellect or not your heart, not your mind, not your spirit, it's just your body, okay? Number five, most of his communication is rather sexual, rather sexual. I've had this, what I'm about to share is I've seen this with so many women I've coached over the years. They've sent me text messages with men they just began communication with and it absolutely only sexual. It doesn't go into anything deeper other than just and literally graphically sexual. When men are hyper-focused on graphically sexual, and it's a one-sided communication. Look, sometimes you might wanna jump in and do phone sex with a guy. I'm not here to judge that. That can certainly be kind of a can be an intimate thing. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about his communication his tends to be about your parents or about sexuality. And number six, he never really replies to your text messages or worse, he never really wants to get to know your life about things about your life. And well, we might, the first, second or third date a man might seem interested. You might have one of these first dates that's so amazing. It's after the second or third date. He's not really asking you about your life. He's just talking sex. He's making sexual in those. He's talking about your appearance. He's busy and he only makes time for you at his beck and call. Those are usually the, these are the red flags that you should be paying attention to. Now, what's the answer to all of this, ladies? I started this conversation about the barrier to entry. The barrier entry is very low. I'm here to offer a much higher barrier entry to your body. And Pat is making him go jump through fucking hoops, making him jump through fucking hoops. If you're not familiar with my rhetoric, I always say this on every video almost, before the penis goes inside the vagina by two copies of the book, eight dates and read it together because the guy who's only in it for the sex, he's gonna run away, he's gonna run away, he's gonna run away, he's gonna run away. He's gonna run again fully. I'll go back this way. He's gonna run away. The guy who's genuinely interested in you, who's genuinely interested in a relationship. Now, by the way, this book is about understanding the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. This book is about understanding the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. And ladies, I know you love the idea of just sitting in your feminine energy and the guy's gonna claim you. The reason why I bag on that rhetoric over and over again, because it's making a grand assumption. It's making the assumption that men know what the fuck they're doing when it comes to commitment and relationships. And I'm here to say they have no fucking clue. Most men are winging it, winging it, winging it. And look, I wish, I'm your big brother. I wish I could be there on your first date with a guy with the shotgun pointed at his face going, what are your intentions with my little sister? Okay, I wish I could do that. You have to do that for yourself. You have to basically assume on some level, most men have no clue what they're doing. And they basically want sex. So there's an old saying, men are the gas, women are the brakes. What that means to say is you lead by example, if you wanna create real emotion. By the way, the guys who are in it for the long term are the ones who want to have an emotional connection with you. The challenge with most men is they don't know how to make this happen. This is why I continually recommend reading the book by Barbara DeAngelo is how to make love all the time, how to make love all the time. Now why I'm recommending this book along with the understanding is most of the time we're meeting total strangers. So ladies, it's rather incumbent upon you if you wanna make an emotional connection. We men don't know how to do that. We need your assistance. This is why I'm recommending these books. But Jonathan, men are supposed to be the leaders of the relationship. Listen, we've gotta throw out the stupid old traditional paradigm, the expectation-based paradigm. I'm here to suggest if you really wanna change the narrative going forward, the whole bullshit masculine feminine energy and men are, like the game playing the book, the rules then read the book if the Buddha dated, if the Buddha dated. Because the understanding that real heart-centered connection starts by showing up with heart-centered connection. Now I know a lot of you women think you show up this way, but many of you are waiting for the men to show this. And I'm here to say you're the emotional leaders of the relationship and you are in charge of your relationship, Destiny, not God. How is this gonna happen? With radical honesty right from the get-go. It requires interrogating people right from the get-go, make them jump through hoops. And by the way, when I say interrogation, I mean it tongue-in-cheek. It's a conversation, not a confrontation. In fact, one of the things I teach in my private coaching is how to ask those better questions. Check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. So how are we gonna shift the narrative the guys only wanting sex? Well, one, I recommend don't jumping into bed really quickly, vet your prospect because I shared this in a live stream the other day. How many of you had sex with men and you don't even know their favorite color and they don't know your favorite color or they don't know much about you? These days, the barrier of entry is rather low. So it's incumbent upon you, if you want something more substantial, then set the bar higher. Make them jump through fucking hoops, okay? That's what I'm just here to suggest. All right, I think I got my winded out of this. So I think it's time to jump in for our Q&A. By the way, for those who are not familiar with my live stream format, it's time for our Q&A section. Or what I mean, this is your time to ask questions of me. There's a live chat box there. If you post the word question and write the question thereafter, it's easier for me to find in the live stream chat or you can purchase a super sticker super chat. There's a little dollar sign in the box below. All the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley, who passed away a few years ago. That's a picture of Connor with his brother right there. That's my mommy and I back when I was in my 20s and that's my son, Colin. We went out to breakfast recently, but going back to the scholarship fund is to defray the cost of personal development, for those interested in personal development and to donate to personal development causes like the Hoffman process and the Insight Institute, just to name a few. So if you can show me your appreciation with even a dollar super sticker or such, I would truly appreciate it and Connor will truly appreciate it. All right, we're gonna take questions in a second. Something I read before I got online, there's two things I wanna share with you personally. One is someone made a comment that I cry on my videos as a way to manipulate women. And that really hurt me to read that. It hurts to think that if I cried about my son, and it's interesting, because the other day I was taking a walk along the beach and I literally, I've been in good spirits for a while and then it hit me like a tsunami, the emotional pain of losing a child. And I literally dropped to my knees. I literally fell to the ground, it was that painful. So for someone to say that, I'm here to say, I don't do anything to manipulate any of you. I'm just sharing you my perspective. Sometimes I'm a little bit arrogant, sometimes I'm pompous, sometimes I'm righteous. Sometimes I'm gonna go all psycho roommate on you because I genuinely do care. I care about making a difference in this world. So it hurts to receive such an observation. And there's this fear that all the, what if it's true? As a human being, I'm not any more immune to the pain of someone's criticism, but also my own criticism of myself. And I share this with you all because you know what? I think it's, I really, it's funny, I'm watching football last weekend on the back of helmets, it says, stop hate. What I'd really like to see the back of helmets is more love. And my invitation for everybody is more and more love. That's what's gonna shift the narrative in the world is more and more love because hate, judgment, comparisons, guilt, resentments, shame, all that does is keep us small. And I want everyone to be tall, to be empowered, not to operate from victim consciousness, but to operate from a level of victor consciousness. And that's my invitation for everyone. So thank you for allowing me to share that with you all. All right, let's jump in and take a look at questions. Sherry says, grief is like waves, sometimes gentle, sometimes a tsunami. Yes, that is true. Thank you, Sherry, I appreciate it. Okay, let's see if we have any questions. Sandra says, Jonathan, I'm sorry, you don't manipulate, I know you care, fuck them. I don't wanna be in hate, I don't wanna say fuck them. I appreciate what you're trying to say, but I'm gonna send love to those who are mean to me. Someone says, remember the trolls, I got it. So if you have a question, post the word, oh, here we go, Heather wrote in. We got a couple of questions. All right, would you ever get into being a matchmaker or would you ever advise someone to go to a matchmaker? Oh my God, Heather, I just want you to know something. I literally wrote matchmaker at the bottom of my notes here, so I wanna respond to that because someone in my Instagram asked me about this. So here's my first off, I have, I have many friends who are matchmakers and I am actually on many matchmaker sites. I'm known as a resource, as a resource. What it is, is for many matchmakers, they find people who would be good people to date others and they put them on as free on their sites as a resource, okay? Now, ideally a matchmaker should be going out into the world and finding someone that, going back to my relationship, iceberg, my relationship iceberg, besides chemistry, they should be focused on do you share the same values, do you have blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity? Their job is to vet that other person, in other words, do the 100 questions before the two of you get together. Here's the challenge with most matchmaking services. They have two dilemmas. One is they have a financial dilemma and that is they have to make money to survive. So they're very much sales oriented driven, sales driven. And while many of the most matchmaking services are owned by women, most of them do have a genuine heart. They want you to be successful. They genuinely do want you to be successful. And yet the same time they're driven by their profit, so you don't need to make money. So that's one, I'm gonna say conflict that they have. The major conflict they have is they have limited people to choose from. They have limited people to choose from. So here's the dilemma and here's what I would want you to do if you hired a matchmaker. And that is to ask for a performance guarantee, a performance guarantee. So if you drop 10 grand to get six dates, you know, their job is to, if they're gonna charge that much money, then they should be putting the right person in front of you. Now I know that's hard for them because they can't predict chemistry. But here's the thing, I wouldn't want to invest that kind of money without some level of performance guarantee or to get something out of it. So that's the way I look at the idea of hiring a matchmaker is what's their performance guarantee? Because here's the thing, every matchmaker has a success story. I mean, the old saying is a broken clock is right twice a day. So out of 24 hours in a day, two people got lucky and 22 did not get lucky. That's my biased. Let me just say this, I can't speak from an absolute, this is my biased based on what I've observed in who they bring. So a lot of times they're just trying to put two bodies together and they're hoping, you know, I'm rolling the dice, they're hoping for chemistry. But we already know is chemistry doesn't equal relationship success. Their job should be vetting the person on your behalf. I mean, really asking the tougher questions. This is why my coaching is more about how you can become your own matchmaker. It's more work. It'd be great to drop 10 grand and have the man of your dreams show up. But guess what? Most folks don't have that kind of money and most of the time they don't generate that. That's why you have to become your own matchmaker. And that's what I teach you, how to ask better questions, how to determine compatibility, how to vet for emotional maturity, how to allow your intuition to be firing on all cylinders. And that's what I think a coach does differently than a matchmaker. So that's my perception on that. Thank you, Heather, for asking that. All right. All right, Jean writes, question, how many dates until you have sex? How many dates to have sex? Okay. Look it, there's no right or wrong answer here. Most of the time, look it, I've known people that have had sex on a first date and they'd lived happily ever after. I've known people who have waited till marriage to have sex and it was a shit show three months later. I've known people that waited longer to have sex, only it to be crappy sex. I've known people that had sex right early on and they ghosted. So what's the answer? I want you to use my acronym called CARES, C-A-R-E-S, C-A-R-E-S. The C stands for do not have sex until you're comfortable, until you're comfortable. In other words, you feel comfortable with this person. The A stands for be aware, be aware of the consequences. If you attach quickly to someone and they disappear, how is that going to feel for you? So be aware of the consequences. The R stands for real intentions. Learn his real intentions. Is he in it for the short run or is he in the long run? But Jonathan, he said he wanted a relationship. Ladies, the word relationship can mean two different things to two different people. For example, when a man says he wants a relationship, that might mean at your beck and call once every other week, your ideal relationship might be something like mine where we spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal and our professional life, and intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married. That's my definition of commitment and relationship. But he said he wanted a relationship. Yeah, what does that mean? Start asking better questions. Learn his real intentions. The E stands for exclusivity. And what I mean to say is monogamous sex, monogamous sex. Don't let the penis go inside the vagina unless you have an agreement that that penis or vagina isn't going anywhere else. And lastly, the S stands for safety and cares. Be safe whether that's an STD test, whether it's condoms, but certainly do some due diligence before you fuck each other. All right, I'm going all psycho roommate on you, but you get my point. Tina, thank you. Gene, excuse me. Thank you so much for that question. Care, C-A-R-E-S, I hope that helps. All right, Kathy says, where are, where are we over 55 awesome catches to get me, okay, where can we meet great guys over 55? Listen, I guess the same exact place you can meet great women, that's all I'm gonna say. Wherever those women are, the men are too. Stop looking at the question from where are they and start asking yourself, and how can I attract a great guy in my life? You know what you can start doing right now, ladies? You can start singing, it's raining men. Or you can start, it's raining great men. It's raining great men. Start to shift the narrative from the negative perspective that so many of you are suckling on to a more positive narrative that there are great men out there everywhere and they're looking for me. A great guy's looking for me. A great guy's looking for me. Shift that narrative, that's gonna certainly help because the negative narrative, and I didn't suggest you were being negative, but the negative narrative only repels more of what you don't want. If you want a great guy in your life, start saying it's raining great men. All right, thank you so much. Me says, hey, big brother, thank you so much. All right, let's go swim in, let's go swim in. Oh, we got a spammer on here. Bear with me a second. Okay, sorry about that, we had a spammer on. I don't know how to pronounce your name, but it says, what is a blendable lifestyle? Great question. So a couple things. So blendable lifestyle. For example, you're a divorced woman, you're an empty nester, and you meet a man who's got babies in the house, and he's basically raising children and you're ready to go out and enjoy your life, you're practically retired, that sort of thing. Chances are your lifestyles aren't a good match for one another, and by the way, the reverse can be for men and women as well. So it's one example of blendable lifestyle. Another example of blendable lifestyle is you live 3,000 miles away from one another. You go to your gym, you go to your yoga class, you've got your family and friends 3,000 miles away, and he lives, he's got his family and friends that live 3,000 miles away. This is a lot of times where the fantasy of long distance relationship is, but if I love him, I will make all my changes and move for him. Folks, it's difficult to do that. And I've got to tell you, I've spoken to so many women who have uprooted their lives, moved him with a guy only to have it implode three months to six months later. Unless you've actually have lifestyles that can blend with one another, and I just gave you a few examples, it's going to be very difficult to build a healthy, happy relationship. I think the other thing we need to recognize in the dating realm, and it's interesting, I was talking to my Pilates instructor, you guys know I talk about her a lot. She gave me an interesting analogy about communication in between dates, communication in between dates. I've talked about the tapestry of a relationship, and she talked about a quilt. So I'm going to show you, this is called knitting a quilt. Now, these are little quilt patches, or the pockets, okay, so all of these. Now, in this analogy, these represent dates. In other words, you're physically seeing each other. The farther apart you see each other, the more importance of quality of communication, quality of communication, the further your time apart, okay? Now the closer you are, the more often you see each other, the quality of communication doesn't have to be that big deal. It can be as simple as a text message. It could be say, hey, just, you know, how's your day going? It can be that simple. But the further apart you are in the time you see each other, the quality of communication has to be a lot better. It has to be a lot better because these days, because we're meeting total strangers, we don't feel emotionally safe with one another. This is why the crappy level of communication is terrible out there. Now, this is why I wouldn't recommend a book I haven't talked about in a while. It's a book I found in my bookcase this morning, How to Win an Influence Friends by Dale Carnegie. This is a classic book. But the reason why I'm bringing this up is a lot of men don't know how to communicate in between dates. So the reason why I want you to read this book is to get a better understanding of what does it take to make a friend? Because quite frankly, I know you all love the idea of a romantic relationship. Ask anybody who's been married 30, 40, 50 or 60 years like my parents, 66 years like my parents were. You know what they say? Everybody says, I married my best friend. Friendship is where emotional connection is developed. And by the way, ladies, a man will not commit to you unless he feels like you're his really good friend. Well, he might temporarily commit to you, but he's not gonna be fully present, fully in. I know many of you saying, well, Jonathan, why aren't men doing this? Why aren't men doing this? Ladies, men are trainable. We are like dogs. You can kind of, you can put a leash on us and we'll go running wherever you want. You just have to lead by example if we like you. And that's the hard part, if we like you. A lot of times we may not respect you if you have sex with us too quickly. So this is why I encourage making this a mutual effort to get to know one another. Stop this old, not this old, it's actually relatively new. This passive way of approaching the process. This feminine energy way is a very fucking passive way. And by the way, I wanna thank everybody who's acknowledged that. Feminine energy is a passive way of dating. By the way, it's not feminine or masculine. It's empowered energy you want to be. Loving on yourself, being your empowerment. And it requires, first off, it requires this. It starts how to become a grown-up in relationship, how to be an adult in relationship. It starts by shifting from an old way of doing things to a new way of doing things because guess what? It's going to be progressively harder and harder and harder because where most everybody is a stranger to us. And how do we change this? I'm offering all these books as an opportunity for you to grow inside yourself because I can look at, I could sell you some $2,000 bullshit program and you'll be right back to where you were. These books are an opportunity for you to go inward, to be introspective. And they're all personal development books. They're not relationship books. They're personal development books to actually show up as a grown-up instead of a passive child which so many people are operating today as passive children. Why do you always say, you know, the difference between men and boys? It's because human beings are ridiculously wounded and they haven't done the necessary work to heal. That this is why I continually recommend the book, The Hoffman Process, The Hoffman Process. It's a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas so you can show up as a grown-up. All right, I'm done yelling. I'm all psycho roommate on you right now. Anyways, I think that's my answer to where the older guys are at. All right, I think we're gonna, let's take a look at what we have here. Oh, we got another spammer. Please forgive me. Bear with me. All right. Carrie says, Jonathan, you have great insight. I wish I had someone to spell this out for me when I was young. I'm here to gather my thoughts for talking to my kids about dating in the future. Love, love, love this. In fact, I'm very blessed. There's a picture of my older son, Colin. He reaches out for advice all the time because I have heart-centered, personal development conversations with him about how to have a happier life on the inside out versus telling them what to do, which a lot of parents don't know about. What to do, which a lot of parents do, I allow him to figure it out for himself. And I do this by recommending, I make him read all these books as well, not all of these books, but some of these books. Where's the untethered soul? Well, anyway, so thank you for that. I appreciate it. All right, LDR, loose quilt, but we talk every night. Loose quilt, but we talk every night. Here's the thing about long distance that everyone needs to understand, particularly about men. We men don't bond through the telephone. We don't bond through the telephone. We bond through social activities, hobbies, spending time with our family and friends, and sex. That's how we bond with someone. We don't bond through the telephone. So that relationship, and oftentimes long distance relationships are known as bubble relationships. In other words, you get together, you have a great time, you fuck each other's brains out, then you go back to your respective world. It's still not building the deeper roots. The only way you're gonna build those deeper roots of trust, social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, that's where deeper trust is built. That's how a relationship is built for the most part. By the way, I'm not suggesting long distance won't work out like the broken clock. You know, one out of every thousand works out. So, but that's my perception on that. So thank you. So, I see that someone brought up that Tony Robbins brought up feminine and masculine energy. I recognize he's a big wig. He talks about it. I just think it sets you up for failure because masculine is thinking of males and feminine is thinking of females. I'm more about empowered energy. Fuck the gender references and just be in your empowered energy. That's what I'm here to talk about, at least in my coaching. All right. Let's see what else we have here. If you have a question post the word question or purchase a super sticker, super chat. All right. Well, it looks like we have a bashful group tonight. So I think, oh, Yulia says good insights, J.A. Thank you. I appreciate that. All right, I think this would be a good place to wrap up for tonight. I hope you found value in the six signs. He only wants to sleep with you run from these guys. I hope you found value in the analogy of the quilt I just shared and I hope you find value in all that I share. Again, I'm a contrarian. My perspective is a little bit different than most and I just offer all I'm offering you is an opportunity for you to look at it from yourself. I'm not here to say I'm right. I'm not here to say this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. So I hope you did find value in this tonight. I think this would be a great place to wrap up today and I'm going to wrap this up this video as I always do. First off, giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan. Oh, really quickly. By the way, before I give myself a hug, go into the description. Check out a free discovery call with me. Check out my private group called Midlife Love Mastery. Find me on Instagram. If you want to purchase the books, I recommend they're all listed there below. All right, now I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Merrick of self love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear or a pillow, and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I want to thank Sherri and Vivian and Holly and Mystique and Jennifer and Sandra, both Sandras, Jennifer, Christine, Leanne, you, I can't even pronounce your name. I want to thank you all so much. Have a wonderful, fantastic weekend. Be well. Talk to you soon. And share this video.