 But what happens if you do misgender somebody else? What's the best response from that point going forward? An apology and then restarting your sentence back over. It's like apologize and then restate and then move from there, but don't make your guilt or your embarrassment the form. Like that's not the issue. They were misgendered and their reaction is usually visceral. What's up lovers and friends? Let's call a spade a spade. This YouTube channel is not what it used to be. It used to be a lot more informational and now it's a lot more personal and conversational. And if you've been missing the kind of content that lifts up your voice and your questions and informs, inspires and entertains on topics to do with sex, love, relationships and dating, I wanna let you know I've been making that content. It is out there, but specifically it is on Quibi. I have a daily show called Sexology with Shan Boudram in which every single day we tackle a different topic relating to intimacy. And then we illustrate and highlight people and perspectives that can relate to that topic or who have questions about that topic. It is by far the most incredible thing that I've gotten to be a part of. And as I'm sitting here right now on July the second, there's already over 50 episodes you can go and watch right now to dive into the content. And to do so, all you gotta do is download Quibi in your app store and you can get a free trial and then binge away and get the content that you've been missing most from me. One topic in particular that I'm so proud to highlight and share a full episode of today is the topics surrounding misconceptions in the LGBTQ plus community. If there is one group of people who are riddled with misconception is the LGBTQ plus community. I see a lot of misinformed questions out there on the internet and rather than me answering them, I got a pro group right in front of me so I wanted to pose them to you. You cool with that? We're gonna like drag them a little. Yes, just a little bit. Let's do it, all right. The first question is how do lesbians have sex? Shayna, you smiled. Have you ever gotten this one before? Yes, it's two bodies so you can rub. There's penetration, there's oral, there's licking, there's touching, like different positions. Like I don't know how to, like you can use toys. There's so much that you can do. It's kind of funny when people ask and it's like okay so is all you think of, is all you do when you have sex, penis and vagina? Like it's- How do you have sex? Yeah, how do you have sex? And they just like, penis, vagina, that's it. I'm like, I'm sorry to hear that. There's a reason why that lesbians orgasm to 20% more than heterosexual women do and that is because they are not just doing penetration. There's a whole gamut of sexual play that you can do. And I'm actually happy this person asks this question rather than going to porn, which often shows lesbian sex in a very particular male gaze. Yeah. What's the acceptable way to ask someone if they're gay? Ask them? Yeah, just ask them, right? Yeah, ask them. Like I don't know, I don't think it needs to be awkward. Like you can, there's respectfully asking. You know, you can say, it's not a big deal to me but I just want to be clear, like, you know? I get hit on at work all the time. If folks come in and the first thing out of their mouth is, are you gay? It's like honey, I don't know why you're asking because right now I'm about to sell you something. Yes. Like now's not the time. If we're at a bar and then someone comes up to me and is like, are you gay? Then I might feel a little bit better about it depending on what bar I'm at. If you're not trying to have sex with them then why are you asking? Like you don't need to know if I'm gay or not. It's important to remember that some of us are not in a safe place to be out. So sometimes just asking somebody can scare someone because that means, can they tell? Right. Am I not passing this straight? I think that that's part of the apprehension. Any interaction with people, you should never go to them and say do you find me attractive? That's weird, right? You give a compliment, you flirt and you allow that person to respond back to you and then when it becomes pertinent that's when you might just wanna straight up ask. The other question I try to thought is are bisexual people gay and just haven't come out yet? I was identified as bisexual for four years of my life and then I started identifying as a lesbian but even though that was my experience I don't believe all bisexual people are in a way station where they're trying to decide whether they're gay or straight. I know a lot of very happy bisexual people who have had very happy heterosexual relationships and homosexual relationships. There's been two terms that I've been hearing thrown around that I kinda like. There's heteroflexible and homoflexible which just is to kind of like let the world know, hey, I know what my preference is but I still am open to both and I think that that's also valid identities. I feel like bisexuality is a spectrum. Yes, yes. All right. Do you have to get gender assignment surgery to fully transition? Hell no. No. As a trans woman when I first started my transition I had body dysmorphia and I didn't understand it so I thought my route as a trans woman was to be passable as cisgender and that I needed surgeries. I needed to take hormones and all of those things but grown into myself and I no longer want like gender confirmation surgery that's not for me that's not how I identify inside and it's not about presentation or any of that. So surgeries are optional. Medical transitions such as hormone replacement therapy that's optional. If you wanna do all of that that's great but it is not necessary to do all of those things if you identify as trans. All right, this is gonna be a question I think is gonna get some heated responses back. I'm scared. Don't be scared, you're right. Is being non-binary a fad? How can you not be male or female? I mean I switched gender identities like four times in one year because I learned from meeting other non-binary people who, sorry, I don't know why I got emotional. They showed me that I don't have to be one thing because I was starting to feel smothered by gender roles because gender roles carry over whether you're gay or straight learning that I didn't have to be a gender as in sense of I didn't have to be void of gender and I didn't have to choose a gender. Made me free to be questioning my gender for two years and I've identified different ways and I've used all of the pronouns and then I settled on by gender because I realized that I'm both at once. But I couldn't have known that if I didn't meet non-binary. I couldn't have known that if I didn't meet non-binary people who were proud enough, who were brave enough to keep being themselves regardless of people questioning them. Yes. I think that's the joy and power of language is to know I'm not alone. That's what a word says, that this word was created because there are others like me who have felt this way or experienced what I've experienced and so those words like agender and by gender and genderqueer are so essential for people to say, well, hang on a second, what does that mean? I think that actually feels right for me and the point that I've ever made so beautifully here is that you're allowed to change that. So if there is somebody who is watching this who has a question and they have misconceptions, what's your advice for them? To ask. I mean, if they're not gonna ask you, they might go to the internet where things aren't right or they might just sit in their ignorance. Also, when you ask, don't take that as the clear cut and drive. Like take that as, okay, that's one experience out of however many people, millions of people identify as. You mean you guys are all the president of the queer community? Exactly. I didn't run, so. I did and I lost, but still. Thank you so much for answering those questions and thank you to you for watching Sexology. And that's the sneak peek of my show. I am obsessed with it. Jared loves it. I do love it. Yes, he does, he just walked into the room. And if you wanna fall in love as well too, please give it a chance. Once again, all you have to do is go into the app store, download Quibi, sign up for a free trial, look for Sexology with Shambu Dram and get your binge on.