 so hi. i'm just in a mood today. i know my vlogs are like mostly positive but wanted to talk about something that it wasn't going to share publicly but then i thought why not? i mean this is a vlog. if this isn't about sharing what the heck's going on i don't know what is. i posted a plan with me on sunday. i'll link the video wherever it goes. and today if you guys watch the video you will know that today was the peer-to-peer meeting for knowing if i can have the surgery to fix my hernia. i don't know anything by the way. i know lots of youtubers like end up telling it the very end. i don't know anything. i have no idea but i'm just feeling like very emotional today. also very anxious and nervous and all of the like just run the gamut. i feel angry. i feel frustrated. i just i don't know. i just like feel everything and it's just like putting me in a really bad like headspace you know. fact is i've been going through lots of stomach problems for a long time. it's only come to like a head about a year ago and i mean to be real i've been feeling like shit for a long time like years but i finally decided to do something about it last year and come to find out i have all these problems which understandably gets me some sort of resolution but the fact that my insurance company is just being a big a-hole about it is just not helping if you will and it's just a really small feeling for me to feel like i guess i don't have the right words. it's just it makes me feel very very small and unseen that all of these other people are making healthcare decisions besides myself and my healthcare provider where an insurance company is making the decisions if i get to have a quality life. that's basically what it comes down to because there's nothing else i can do. there's nothing else i can do to fix a hole that is inside of my body that needs surgery. anyway um so yeah but the peer-to-peer happened today i won't hear anything for i don't know i would assume a few weeks i i don't really know i don't have a good timeline on it so the surgeon that would potentially be doing the surgery to fix my problem got on the phone with the doctor from sygno who is my healthcare provider um that initially denied my claims like it's one claim but there's been two different things that have happened and anyway basically this is my last shot for the year. if this doesn't happen i'm kind of done. there are some other alternatives. first alternative i could hire a private company to advocate for me. don't know how much that is or if what i don't know how that works um also i could wait until next year and re-fight the insurance company that can happen or i could pay for it myself and i don't want to do that. that is not something that is in my budget. i looked up the prices of how much it costs to have a hiatal hernia surgery versus the bariatric surgery that i would need to have like my specific kind. they're very nominal like they're they might be give or take like two to three thousand dollars in between. i mean any surgery is going to run you like 20 grand no matter what just for like the surgeon the anesthesiologist and like all the you know nursing staff and recovery and you know hospital overnight and like that kind of stuff. i mean it's they're pretty on par with each other. it's not like one is 20 grand and the other one's 100 thousand. i mean it's it's pretty nominal. so it's kind of like boils down to the principle of it that like this should really be covered if all of my healthcare providers from even my general practitioner guy like if he's telling me i need this as well as like everybody else i've seen for this i just don't understand why the insurance company just has to be the way they are. i don't know and i know some of you work for insurance companies and i get it and i just i don't know i in a way i feel bad for bashing them but in a way it's like i understand when people do milk the system and i i get that but that's not me and that's not what's going on like you know this is just a total rant but like do you think i really want to have surgery you know what i mean like does the insurance company really think i just want to like randomly just have surgeries just to have surgeries like i mean i'm sure there are some people out there that just want surgeries that's just not who i am and what i'm about and all that but anyway i don't know i'm just in a like irritated like not awesome headspace today and i'm just like angry and frustrated and like just i can feel like the emotions bubbling up and just like anger and just you know i just i don't like it i don't like feeling this way and it makes me feel like really really out of control as well because i don't have any control over the situation anymore i've done everything i could do i've gone through the entire bariatric program passed with flying colors did everything i was supposed to do i've gone to every single appointment i've kept everything in order i have like a whole planner that is like full of all my healthcare stuff like i have done everything that i can do and at the end of the day that may not be good enough and that just really really sucks again maybe it's positive outcome today i don't know but i mean it's it's past the time that they were supposed to have their appointment like they were supposed to have their um peer-to-peer conversation at 11 30 and it's like four o'clock now um i'm done with work now but it's just like i don't know just been dealing with it kind of all day of like trying to just work and keep things off my mind but eventually it just kind of creeps up but you just you know i don't know it just doesn't feel good you know so yeah i guess that's where i'm gonna end the vlog i mean i know it's gonna be like a short little vlog of me just bitching the whole time but i don't know i don't have the energy to be positive today you guys i'm sorry but on a positive note here's da doyle he's down there we just went out on a walk he's actually been really good today which is alarming because normally he likes to be annoying and all that but i think he can feel my vibes of i'm just like not into it today and i'm just like you know so he's just been chilling and not really being too much of a little little jerk boy i know a lot of you guys are like what he's totally cute he's fine no he's he's he's got his own little issues he does all little puppy issues that you know he likes a lot of attention and today he's not asking for a lot of attention which is which is good because i just i don't have the energy y'all so anyway but i'm gonna cut it off here thanks for watching i know this was like not probably what you signed up for when you started watching this vlog today this is what you get sorry about that um but yeah let's see if we can talk about something like more positive at the end oh tomorrow is going to be really fun i'm gonna take you guys with me to look at some more countertops so that'll be a good time hopefully that will kind of like boost my mood like get out of the house and all that um so yeah that'll be that'll be a good thing to go out and do so i'm gonna do that in the morning in the morning i'll start working i'll like work for an hour or two and then i'll head out to that appointment and then i'll come back i actually have to go into the office as well and um pick up a bunch of stuff because the office is kind of on the way back so i'm gonna do that and then um then i'll come back like home home and um yeah just go from there so and then get my day going um yeah and then i have a happy hour thing tomorrow night for work so i'll probably participate in that because i'll still be a lot of times i'm still not working at the time that they have the happy the happy hours are like 4 30 or something um and i'm not working still so i don't really participate if i'm not still working because usually if i'm not working i'm not like in my office you know what i'm saying i don't know so yeah but that's that's what's going on i don't know it's like a big sigh kind of a day so anyway big stretch big stretch i hope you guys enjoyed the video or just my thoughts on real life and what's going on but yeah tomorrow will be more positive promise and um oh now my battery's flashing so it's really time to go so anyway i will see you guys tomorrow thanks for watching thumbs up subscribe do the comment thing and um i'll see you guys tomorrow bye well folks it's time to kick it old school