 Well that escalated quickly Hello folks So it's been an interesting couple of weeks for me here on this YouTube channel, you know, I I Thought there was a solid chance that my review of Bo Burnham's inside would do well by my own standards But I did not foresee a world where it did well by most people's more than 15% of my current subscribers came in the wake of that review and while I knew I would be reaching 10,000 subscribers sometime this month based on the existing trajectory. I would Never have believed that I just passed 12,000 a few hours ago like gosh damn you I Don't know I'm not gonna harp on this because I did a four and a half hour celebratory live stream And we should just get going but if you are a subscriber new or old Thank you for being here Welcome to the week I review my name is Alec and today. I'm answering some questions from all y'all But I'm gonna start with Not a question so much as a consistent criticism Many people have said variations of I hate your face or your performance is so cringe or Whatever because they find my mannerisms annoying now I have addressed this on multiple occasions most lengthly in the review of Derek Delgaudio's in and of itself that somehow goes Even deeper into my psyche than that inside review But I will summarize here This is my face. I am not playing up or down my reactions for the camera I am just weirdly and maybe aggressively expressive and it bothers some folks But that is legitimately not an act which isn't to say this whole thing isn't a performance of some sort with the Single exception of that sort of meltdown. I had Over some deleted files where I was just genuinely falling apart on camera Everything on this channel is constructed like I mean I'm reading this whole thing from a teleprompter right and the like I mean at the beginning of that sentence was Written into the script to make it feel as though I'm just talking to you and not reciting lines and If you go back to my oldest videos, they feel less natural and obviously I am much more comfortable with the teleprompter But also the increased casualness masks a lot That said this is how I talk It's not putting on a character to add ums and likes it is a character to do the opposite I write these scripts to match precisely the way I speak so that when I'm here in front of the camera I can be the most coherent version of myself but also still Be myself and folks who know me IRL would attest to that literally over the weekend I saw a friend for the first time in well over a year and met her new boyfriend And she told me that when he asked what I was like she just sent him one of my videos and said that And she came to my first one-man show so she knows a whole lot more about me than you do And you should trust her because she's very smart And with that let's get to the actual questions in a um semi thematic order Salmiak asks What is your academic background and if you could study anything for free? What would it be? I have a degree in liberal arts from Sarah Lawrence College and they don't have majors, but I don't feel like explaining that So I say I studied film production and journalism Which is at least as true as saying I majored in physics So why not and perhaps you can see two of those things in the videos that I make As for the third if I could go back and do college again I would take fewer physics courses and at least one philosophy course and Probably a poetry course as well. I feel like my ability to understand works and Condense my thoughts would have been improved by the latter and my ability to fundamentally construct arguments by the former and Regardless of what media criticism means to my life more broadly I would like to be able to make my reviews more intellectually rigorous So if I could study Anything for free it would probably be philosophy even though. I know I would hate it at the time Maybe like a music theory course or music production one or Both maybe just songwriting tbh On that note Johnny Tamaro asks what kind of music do you like? and it's Frankly easier for me to qualify what I don't like because my tastes are pretty wide ranging recently I've been listening to a ton of hyper pop and also what Finn McKenzie calls emo with 808's trap metal is dope as hell Which is why I made a highly political trap metal type song and have been Trying to work on another one for a while now I am digging the pop punk revival and am a big fan of post-hardcore But also top 40s pop and rap and whatever is usually fine by me truth be told I don't really care about lyrics or the meaning behind things I just want stuff that sounds good and obviously good is relative But to me it mostly just means melodic I don't enjoy technical death metal, but melodic death metal is great To Expand it a bit though. Let's look at not a robots question. What is your favorite artistic medium? The short answer in the year of our lord 2021 is almost certainly tick tock because that's where I spend the most active time Technically I watch more youtube, but that's usually on in the background while I do other things The long answer is completely different my favorite art form in practice is cinema with a Butt that I will address in a moment and that shouldn't be a surprise The default subject of a the week I review video is a film and my tastes run the gamut I dig low-key indie dramas and ludicrously expensive action epics. I'm Very jumpy and don't enjoy surprises, but do like spooky things so I have a somewhat conflicted relationship with modern horror, but I'm also willing to forgive a lot if something is incredibly stylish Which is on some level definitely why assassination nation is my favorite movie Really I just want to watch things that aren't boring for the sake of being boring or actively offensive to my sensibilities, which Basically means minimizing and ideally eliminating sexual assault And also, you know not treating mentally ill people like monsters really shouldn't be that hard So that's practice, but in theory my favorite art form is video games Our video games is interactive entertainment. I don't know. I'm going to talk about this in my next video but the oldest online writing attributable to me is a video game review from 2006 Because for a long time I've really just liked talking about video games because video games are so much more Personal in their experiences like everyone will react to a movie differently But they're all seeing the same sequence of events No two people will experience a game in exactly the same way And in many games they will have completely different stories to tell Which makes them fun to talk about and think about in a different way than any other medium Unfortunately, I don't have nearly as much time for video games as I once did and maybe that's because I spend too much time on TikTok, but also it's just become harder to Stay in the right headspace for a long time But I continue to love thinking about video games and reading about them and hearing people talk about them, which introduces yet another question Shantani Das asks What are your favorite film review slash video essay channels and did they directly inspire you to start making videos? And the fact is that I watch a lot more game focused video essays than I do film focused ones and that's a lot Of the critical content I consume in general when it comes to film I don't typically watch or even read other reviews of things that I intend to see because I like to form my own Opinion and by the time I've done that everyone's moved on and I've forgotten to go back Video essays are different of course and I back 25 creators on patreon almost all of whom are video essayists and there are more that I wish I could but like It adds up and at some point it just kind of had to stop Anyways, their names are scrolling now past and that should give you a general sense of what I'm into my favorite video essayist at the moment is Film essayist Patrick H. Willems because he makes the kind of overproduced stuff I wish I could but he's also not a specific inspiration because I only found out he existed in like February and I didn't actually have any particular inspiration to start this channel Or make videos in quite the way that I do I just spent a lot of time on youtube and wanted to be here also and eventually figured out a hyper specific niche that I could fill and Here I am Brazilian youtube personality quase vingativa aka nat asks do you tell people you're a youtuber and if so How do they react? I have thought about this a lot and specifically wondered If my current relationship were to end and I found myself back on dating apps, how would I label myself? Last time around I said I make sad art though I would have never called myself an artist and to that point I have never used youtuber to describe myself and it's Probably kind of obnoxious because I've been doing this for nearly three years now, but I don't Really identify with it because I don't want to I think of youtuber as a job And for as long as this is a side project it feels weird to think of myself in those terms I do consider myself a critic, but that's a lot more abstract All that said I definitely tell people that I make youtube videos and the responses are pretty varied People are usually curious what kinds of videos I make and I tell them but Usually don't say what the channel is called unless they genuinely want to know which Isn't the case most of the time I feel weird about self promotion Thomas Baxter asks what are your five best videos? That's what the twerr at its best playlist is for but let's take a step back and think bigger because there's multiple ways to think about it If I wanted to impress you with my skills as an actor or filmmaker or whatever, which is usually how I interpret this question I would say that my best videos are the most unique ones my Hamilton rapper view I can't see I'm thinking of ending things a moral man even Iceland Like those five are great and maybe they're my answer But they're also not reflective of the channel in general They're a vision into a world where this was my job and I had the time to dedicate to making every video unique and interesting They're also rarely the ones that mean the most to me like I enjoyed making all of those immensely But they are not deeply personal the way that my videos of in and of itself Dear Evan Hansen X promising young woman and the assistant are And then you have the two videos on vaccination and separating art from artists that just Aren't reviews at all in the same vein as my video about the 2020 us presidential election. They're just Me talking with no pretense and Get at the heart of my beliefs and the way I view the world and anyone who wants to know if they're going to vibe with me Could definitely determine it by watching probably any but certainly all of those three My review of inside has a little bit of the creativity in the context of something more meaningful But it also doesn't go nearly as far as I would have taken it if I could dedicate the time I also really liked my video about the art of self-defense, which is personal in a totally different way and assassination nation too My list of Korean movies that you should watch because parasite one best picture means a lot in A different way because I just really love Korean cinema And it's fun to talk about some lesser known gems from that industry alongside the heavy hitters So I don't know it's a pun to a real answer to myself in like Three hours. I'm gonna go through and make a playlist and put it in one of those cards there Sort of Jacob asks How do you square the need to make things you're happy with or proud of While dealing with depression and anxiety and all of those things that make it impossible to be happy and proud of the things you do I kind of don't The thing about youtube is that it is incredibly low stakes when you are in a position like mine Either particularly successful nor reliant on success like with a few notable exceptions These videos don't do all that well and there have definitely been times where I have posted a video that I knew Wasn't the best it could have been or that my arguments weren't articulated clearly enough But also I knew that it would probably just hit a few hundred people or maybe a few thousand That minimizes the risk of any serious call outs Plus the next video is always in sight I would be paralyzed at the prospect of a the week I review series finale But as long as it keeps going any given entry is Kind of whatever Which is why I have so much more trouble with all of the not youtube stuff that I do I have released two songs so far and that is ridiculous I should have at least a dozen that I think are fine that I did and put out there as a way to improve My songwriting but I have this overwhelming need to make something that I think is meaningful and it's Just not a thing that comes naturally to me So I put all of this time into song that are the best that I can do even if the best that I can do Would have been better with more practice I've also mentioned before that I have given up on multiple short films after shooting had begun and plenty of blood sweat tears Money had been shed because in the same way I feel like I need to hit a certain level of quality and be proud and frankly I need to just lower my standards and let myself work on more things But I don't really know how to do that And it frustrates me Mr. Divine asks a few related questions, but I'm just going to go with the most abstract one Is it worth it to make content and the answer is probably not if you don't need to To clarify what I mean, let's look at Jason Patrick's question What keeps you going when growth is at a standstill? What motivates you? The week I reviews existence was sort of inevitable I have this overwhelming need to inject myself into every conversation and not enough people in my life with whom I can have them I've also spent thousands of dollars on all of this equipment And if it was just like sitting in the corner over there never to be used that would make me very Very unhappy I am motivated primarily by my need to make things but also talk about them and as I implied earlier It's not that hard to make content because it has lower stakes than art I need a creative outlet and this is the one that I chose To be clear I am definitely unhappy about the fact that prior to my inside review my traffic had basically halved but at the same time success was not my motivation and certainly never an expectation even if it was obviously a hope and It's not like my motivations are pure or whatever because the fact that I don't run unskippable ads and rarely put more than one ad And even my long videos isn't because I'm benevolent But because I'm worried that an ad break will make people leave and I want them to watch the video more than I want the money Even though ideally I would actually like both But you need a reason to keep going beyond the money A dollar dollar bills are how you are defining worth Creating content is likely to be a miserable experience for you Marie Taylor asks something similar from the opposite perspective What goes through your head when a project you didn't expect to take off just does So I've had a few times over the years where the traffic on this channel has spiked and it is Interesting because while these spikes usually translate into new subscribers They rarely translate into more numbers for the rest of the channel and historically have an increased views on subsequent videos either like inside was wildly successful It is the third most watched video on this channel. I don't think it'll beat parasite or solo, but I'm legitimately shocked. It has gotten as far as it has and it is still going pretty strong However, despite the massive influx of traffic on the channel and the fact that my subscriber count went up so dramatically The views on my previous videos have not seen a commensurate increase You know, maybe new folks have been waiting for that list of the next five to watch or Maybe they just click subscribe as a courtesy thing and don't Really care all that much and won't watch any future videos hurting me in the algorithm And making it less likely that my next video will pop off I don't know and that's kind of frustrating But in isolation I'm always happy when any given video does well because I think all of my videos are worth watching And so I'm happy when people do that Alisa H asks Do you ever write the script for a video that you don't end up filming slash posting? I've never completely finished a script that I didn't do something with I have started plenty that I never finished because Other things came up and there have been cases where I got a few hundred or even a thousand words in before giving up usually because I just Actually didn't have a real point. I wanted to make or I was unsure how to make it or I Just thought making it may be actively counterproductive For example, my inside review references the make happy review that I started working on and my discussion of separating art from artists Talks about the falling in reverse review that I stopped There was also an austin powers one at one point. I have um I've started posting these incomplete but lengthy drafts on patreon because I have this nasty habit of feeling like I need to do something with everything that I make I'm pretty sure I talk about that in my in and of itself review because that impulse is where my one man shows came from patron and wonderful photographer verner van elfin Asks me for seven words to describe myself, which I absolutely hate but he's paying me. So I don't Really have a choice But I don't know man If I were to just attempt adjectives They would pretty much all be negative because I'm a pretty negative dude Especially when it comes to me personally and my mom told me to stop being so mean to myself on my youtube channel So I probably shouldn't do that But here is a seven word sentence to describe me that actually contains one compliment Exhaustingly self-aware, but fortunately i'm cute Like if I was as unpleasant to look at as some of my commenters clearly want me to believe I am This channel would have way fewer subscribers. I don't feel great about that like cosmically, but it is what it is Also to the other parts of his question My favorite food is probably pad thai But I think my favorite meal was one I had at real coconut in toloom, mexico on december 30th 2019 And I don't have any particular affection for dune, but i'm super into deni vianouv. So I'm hyped for it Julie asks if directors covered each other's films the way musicians cover each other's songs What director would you like to cover? What film and why? To set the ground rules for this We are taking a cover to be more faithful to the original than what we currently think of as a remake But also distinct from the shot for shot remake that we have seen at times It is a different director taking the same script and going off in their own direction with it Basically have people treat shakespeare And I had two gut reactions the first was taken three by garith evans because it has such infamously bad fight scenes But I'd rather see garith evans take on something better written with action. That's just sometimes a bit much Like his take on the borne trilogy it probably wouldn't be better overall than what dog lineman and paul greengrass did but I think it would be fascinating to see The other thought was Baz lerman doing pretty much anything from the black and white sound era Like I know he did the great gatsby and that's sort of the same thing, but What about fucking citizen kane? Can you can you imagine bas lerman directing herman j mankowitz script for citizen kane? I sure can't but glitch gums hyper pop cover of phoebe bridger's kioto is good as hell And it seems like the same energy I'd see it opening night in i max 3d for sure patron and frequent well actually or i am the sword asks What is your least favorite movie? The boring answer is berdemek shock and terror a movie that makes me Irrationally angry because of how poorly made it is as someone who definitely wants to have directed a feature at this point in my life The fact that james wen just Fucking did it and then became successful even ironically frustrates the hell out of me in a way that Something like the room doesn't because at least the audio in the room doesn't cut out in between every fucking shot But I like the idea of choosing the worst from the things that should be the best and That's got to be tetsuya nakashima is the world of konoko Remember when I said that style can make me forgive a whole heck of a lot This is the exception to that rule. I love nakashima style memories of motsuko Incredible confessions Incredible, but the world of konoko made me so incredibly Fucking angry, and I just can't I wish I was ending this on a lighter note, but the other questions that I might have used Uh, honestly, I just couldn't come up with decent answers for her Sorry to those folks and I appreciated the questions if you still really want an answer to them I do live stream AMA things every couple of weeks. So you should just Show up and ask Yep We're done Thanks so much for watching. Thank you particularly to my patrons my mom hammering marco katsarakata benjamin schiff anthony coal magnolia dentin elliott fowler greg lucina kojo filbates willow I am the sword tomatown one timmo and the folks who'd rather be read than said if you like this video That's great. If you want to see more, they're not fucking like this But you know my review of the enthropocene reviewed is coming at some point soon It'll be a lot, uh, but I hope to see you in in that one