 It's like, I love my boyfriend, but if there were 24 hours in a day, we'd probably be arguing for like 85 of them. Do you know how exhausting it is to argue for 85 hours and fit it into 24? It seems impossible. Which is my situation about? You know what, Dr. P? I couldn't even tell you. It's like, I fell asleep at my conference last week because I was exhausted from arguing with him last night. And the worst part about it is, it's not memorable. Thank you for pointing that out. You are smart. You feel me? Because if it's not worth tweeting about, is it worth not smashing about? That's deep. Write that down. Is arguing normal for you? No. Not for me. I mean, I get stressed out. I can be tense, you know, but I hold it in like a normal person. I really don't argue with anyone else except for my boyfriend. Run me through a normal day of yours. Well, I normally wake up happy and excited about life. I'm setting an alarm, trying to get up earlier. So right now, I'm looking at like 7 a.m., got to get to work by 9 a.m., so I tried to leave by 8.20. Say bye to my man. Babe, I can't find my keys. Do you know where my keys are? Oh, I found them. Never mind. Have a good day, baby. Oh, that's so sweet. Thank you. I'm going to have a good day. Everybody else is stupid and not smart like me? I'm not sure. You're smart. You're in the smart group, though. Love you, baby. Then I get in my Uber. If I'm lucky, no oblate in glass, because you know what, they like to say slick things sometimes. Those drivers when they drive you around, stuff like that. Other circumstances, you get shanked. You know what I mean? No, I don't know what you mean. Oh, it's just prison talk, but I will stab you in your face. Have you ever been to prison before? Oh, no, no, no. I just like to watch locked up on the first day of my period. It gets me through it somehow. Is that weird? Anyways, so this Uber driver the other day, right? So, you take Uber a lot, huh? I guess. Sure. Well, you know that they have a new update where you can tip the Uber driver now. A lot of you people don't know that. A lot of you people don't know that, so you think just because my ancestors weren't able to tip on plantations that I'm not able to tip now. First of all, I was going to tip you. I'm a great tipper. I was going to give you a lot of tips. But here's a tip you can take. I'm about to take your face, the little situation that you're using to operate through life. I'm going to take it and smack it in. I'm going to take it and smack it against the windshield. How about that? Tip that. Turn right. Give me to my place. You said that? No. Do I look like a psychopath? I really was like, all right, sir. Thank you. Can you turn right? I'm found in. Thank you. But it was just the beginning of how people, I feel like personally, tried to attack me all day long. Like my coworker yesterday. You know what she said to me? I noticed that in meetings, you have a lot of great information. But you talk a lot with your hands. And it can get really distracting. You can't really hear what you're saying. And so I'm never sure if I should be like nodding a lot and we're ducking for my life. You know what I mean? It's just a lot. It's just something to keep in mind for future. Okay? What's so crazy about the future is it's not certain. It's not certain when somebody is going to hit your boiling point and they're like, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, it's too late. Now, how do you feel if I'm sitting there making you look at your hands and you're like, oh my hands, my hands are stupid. How about I take my hands and put them on you? You want to talk about hands? You can catch these hands outside, Sarah. You said that? Oh no. We share a cubicle. I don't want that tension at work. You know what I mean? So I just politely put on my smile and said, thank you, Sarah. Just put that on an email. Send them to me and I will adhere to them. Co-worker who has no authority over me. Thank you. But on the low, I'm building a case to send to HR. Anonymously. Got it. So how did the rest of your day go? I mean, the usual. You know, I execute and annihilate all of my daily goals. And then I go home exhausted and this is where the drama starts. Like, do you know the other day I come home? He's cooking. Let me tell you what he said. Okay. I just gave that Uber driver one star. He doesn't even care. They're reckless now. Hey, baby. Hi, baby. How you doing? What you making? Oh, fettuccine. Yay! Was my recipe easy to follow? I tried to leave you like cute little notes in between. I used a glitter pen. The one I found was online really good. The way your flavors worked did not really settle that well. So I just got one off of home recipes. So that's not my recipe? It's based off your recipe, which is fettuccine. It's just so crazy that you like continue to just try to hurt my feelings every day. Hey, how is this trying to hurt you? No, it's just on your to-do list. It's on your to-do list and it's okay. Because you're dumb. You've been dumb. You're going to be dumb. You're going to stay dumb. And I just want to take this fettuccine and I want to throw it on top of you. And I hope that you break out in Boyles and nobody likes any of your Instagram pictures for the rest of your life. Okay. So what did you really say? I just told you word for word. Like, I remember it. Then we got into a full-blown argument. And I'm like, oh, uh-huh, fettuccine. You know what I mean? I'm not eating this. And we're not watching Stranger Things tonight. No, we're supposed to have a Netflix marathon. That's canceled. Oh, sorry. This is my friend. You know what? She never keeps calling me. Oh, my gosh. She has anxiety. She's so needy. She's, like, anxiously attached to me. She calls me like back to back to back to back. She has dependency issues, mama issues, daddy issues. You name it. She's crazy. The girl needs therapy. Why don't you tell her that? Why would I say that and hurt her feelings? You're supposed to know emotions better than me. Get it together, doc. I mess it with you. I like you. I think I might come back. This is a free trial, right? I don't have to pay for this. This, this one? Why would I say that and hurt her feelings? Hello, Lavaz. Trivia time right now. Click the I in the right hand corner. I don't know which side's your right hand side, but click the I right now and answer this question. What lesson do you think the previous skit was trying to teach? And if you guessed emotional regulation, then you are correct. Now, emotional regulation is something I like to personally call the shut the f*** filter. That gets often overlooked when it comes to our romantic relationships. Now, I was inspired to write this skit after reading this quote on Instagram. And it said that logic cannot fix feelings because feelings are not broken. This quote resonated deeply with me, especially in my young adult years. I used to say it all of the time, not that particular quote, but I used to say, you're never wrong for how you feel, especially in love. You're never wrong for how you feel. But as I got older, I started thinking about it. Then I realized, no, I'm wrong a lot. Like my feelings are wrong a lot. I did not use that. That's right from you. Oh, you're right. I use that in it. Anyways, you know what? It doesn't matter. Stop making it. I love you, but your recipe is disgusting. Your recipe is disgusting. It's about our whole night. What the hell are you doing? I feel like it might be useful to break down what feelings actually are and where they come from. Now, I went to this class called Mind Lab and I was blown away to find out that the average person has 70,000 different thoughts every day. That means 50 unique thoughts each minute. That's a lot going on in our brain. And here's the kicker. 70% of those tend to be negative. And I know what you're thinking. Nah, Shambhudi, I go to yoga. I do positive affirmations. I am more like 90% positive and 10% negative. But put it this way. Have you ever driven before and envisioned yourself getting into a catastrophic car accident or try pouring a glass of water close to an edge right now? See if your brain doesn't envision that glass tipping over and shattering everywhere. That's because our brain is risk averse. Thus, our brain works on worst case scenario. You are always envisioning what is the worst that can happen? What is the worst this person can mean towards me? Is this situation dangerous? And it's important, but it can also be pretty annoying, which is why we have set up some filters along the way. Now there's three separate filters I want to address today. There is your conscious mind, your subconscious mind, then your socially conscious mind. We'll begin with subconscious. Your subconscious ain't got no filter. It sees and experiences everything all of the time. It feels your heart beating against your chest. Now if we thought these things all day long, we would go crazy. And that's why we have the conscious mind. Our conscious mind filters out majority of the stimulation and chooses about 10 things or so at any given time that we're actually focused on or we're actually feeling. Now the third filter on top of that is our socially conscious mind. And thanks to modern day society, this one has become increasingly important. Our conscious mind still does think in worst case scenario. Our conscious mind still wants to protect rather than empathize. But our socially conscious mind is more aware of the people around us. And that filter is integral. And that brings us to the lesson of this video. As we follow Cynthia's day, which shout out to you Cynthia. Yo, you killed it in this role. We see her employ all three filters in every era of her life to ensure that she has peace, happiness and harmony, except when she gets home and then she turns that filter all the way off and just says whatever she thinks. And a lot of us do that. How many of us have heard our partners say that before? I don't have problems with anybody else other than you. Well, a quick answer to that might be because of the fact that they filter themselves with everybody else other than you. Nothing taught this to me more than my previous relationship where my partner and I fought constantly and I watched them in social interactions, take jokes really well, be lighthearted, take things on the chin. But as soon as we were in private, everything I said was an attack. Everything that I did, they took personally. I was constantly disrespecting them and it became this exhausting journey of trying to convince this person that they were not under attack around me. So when I got into my new relationship, I became really keenly conscious about my social filter. How much of what I thought was I actually saying to my loved one in an intimate environment. And I found the more that I analyzed what I wanted to say, the more that I realized that those feelings were very rarely based in reality. We cannot finish this video without discussing balance and balance is finding that happy middle ground on your social conscious filter. If your filter is turned all the way up, you err on the side of being non confrontational, which opens up a whole different set of problems. Or if you're turned all the way off, you're confrontational, which by nature means you're living in problems. Now, how do you know if your socially conscious filter is on the right dial? I personally go by the 80-20 rule. That means that 80% of the time you're existing in happiness and harmony and 20% of the time you have some healthy conflict. I'm going to explore this topic more in the next video. Question for you now. Do you think there is ever a relationship or circumstance in which you should or could be your real raw unfiltered self? Put your answer in the comment section below. I'm going to write mine down there as well. And before I go, I want to shout out everybody who started this video. You guys were all incredible. All of their links will be in the info box.