 Good health to all from Rexall. It's the Phil Harris Alice Bay show presented by the makers of Rexall drug products and 10,000 independent Rexall family druggist. Good evening. This is your Rexall family druggist here to welcome you for all 10,000 of us The 10,000 independent druggist to have chosen to make the word Rexall part of our own store names We've done that because we believe in the 2,000 or more drug products made with the Rexall drug company And we've put the orange and blue Rexall sign on our windows to let you know we recommend and sell them Bismarrex is a good example of the quality of these products This famous Rexall antacid often brings relief from acid indigestion within five minutes Neutralizing excess acidity leaving a soothing protective covering on irritated stomach membranes Quality like that of Bismarrex is what we family druggist are talking about when we tell you You can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall Good health to all from Rexall And now your Rexall family druggist brings you the Bill Harris Alice Bay show written by Ray Singer and Dick Chevrolet with Elliot Lewis, Walter Tetley, Robert North, Janine Roos, Man Whitfield, Walter Sharpen, his music, yours truly Bill Foreman and starring Alice Bay and Phil Harris Today is a big day in the Harris household. It's the master's birthday Bill has just come downstairs and Alice and the children and William are congratulating Many happy return happy birthday Philip happy happy What's happy about being a year older? You realize that today the mantle of youth has slipped from my shoulders and is being replaced by the yoke of simility Talking about the day. I'm 30 Come again wonga Don't question your father if he says he's 30 he's 30 You mustn't get him excited. Why not because it's not good for a man of 41 There's no shame in getting older. I'm getting older and I admit it. Why don't you all right? I'll admit it. You're getting older Sweet of you buying me this This wait a minute. I don't think this is funny Alice And it's not nice to let the children ridicule their father by buying him something like this You're talking about this is something you always wanted. It's a powder horn to hang up in your den with your auntie gun No, I thought it was a near-trump Kid, thank you very much. Here's my present honey. Happy birthday. Gee another powder horn No, no, this is an ear trumpet I've always wanted a pair of these powder horns. They're gonna look swell in my den I have a present for you too Philip and here it is. Wow. What a big box Now you'd better let me open it. The present is breakable. Well, all right. All right, but hurry up Willie. Come on Look at that boy's muscles ripple as he tries to tear that wrapping paper Here, let me at that modernistic get this junk out of here first Here's your paper Excelsior this big white blob Morick's Celsius here piece of paper The box is empty Willie. Where's my present? The big white blob is your present You like it? Evans. Yeah G a Man's a fool to be without one of these I'll wear it always this is really something This is a modernistic statue when it's all for you while I look at the way it's made somebody made this I Thought it was a fungus growth that attached itself to the box that you to you it's symbolic and it represents the human struggle This white lump is a woman kneeling with her hands outstretched the three globe-like objects in front of it Represent the faces of a person's existence infancy adolescents and maturity and they're all groping for the start of life Looks like three ball-headed hobos fighting over a cigar butt see the scars on that one fellas knuckles Say Willie didn't you say this was breakable? Yes. Yes. Well, don't stand there break it Like the gifts. I give you fine gifts last year. You gave me a mahjong set and for Christmas. She gave me a squash racket Well, I thought you'd enjoy the squash right, but you never even used it. I did too. I tried eating squash with it Kept leaking through the hole I know that if you study the statue you get accustomed to and you just learn to love it It's no use Willie every time I look at it. I get sick at my stomach I felt the same way when I first saw you, but I gave you a chance I have a friend who's an odd dealer I'll have him come over and point out the fine artistry of this work now I'll go in and call him right now. Don't bother about it Willie. Don't mind call him. I Where does your brother find these things well Willie means? Well, I hope you're not angry with him forgetting you this No, no Just to show him that there's no hard feelings this year. I'll buy my brownie cookies from him Oh Well, you shouldn't laugh at Willie just because he thinks differently than you do. Don't forget other people have been laughed at Like who and what key are you singing? Christopher Columbus when he said the world was wrong They all laughed when Edison recorded sound his brother when they said that man could fly They told Marconi wireless They laughed at me they'll have to change their to They all said we never could be happy they laughed at us and Now they're fighting to get in They all laughed at Whitney and his poppin' gin. He kept the laughers busy. That's how at least Willie remembered your birthday That's more than Frankie did. He didn't call or send a card or anything I'll get that come to think of it. Alice is right You think my best friend would remember that at least it was hi a curly happy birthday You remember how'd you know it was my birthday? I got your telegram this morning reminding Frankie don't tell me I didn't have to buy anything cuz she told me that last year and when I didn't you laid me off for two weeks Only one week and what have you got me? I didn't want to spend a lot on something you couldn't use So I'm giving you the money instead Here $3 bill I've never seen one of these they're very rare and makes them to order custom-made money Did you get any other unusual birthday presents girl? Yes. Yes. I got one from Willie. Yes, indeed Yeah, Willie brought me one come on in. I'll show it to you. All right. Hey, will you see what that dog laid on me? Oh, hello, Francis. Hi Willie. Curly was just gonna show me the present you bought. Oh, it doesn't seem to appreciate it But I know you'll be thrilled Well, there it is There what it I'm in the center of the table. Oh, what a shame How did he get hurt? Modernistic statue isn't it beautiful? Look at those graceful lines. Oh, it's symmetry. Where'd you take this up, son? Oh What did you say he wants to know what cemetery you dug it up Don't you understand the symbolism of this impressionistic piece doesn't the female form and the three globular objects represent something? Oh, of course now I see it. That's a dame leaning over a pool table making a three cushion figure Just have to wait until my odd dealer friend gets here and explains Hey, Curly, you ain't gonna keep this thing in the house. Of course not Carried outside and buried Come on and the quicker I get this off of my hand the quicker that I like a minute Phil. What are you going with that set? I'm getting rid of this monstrosity. Oh, no, you don't it's the gift and you're going to keep it besides It's not a monstrosity. The more I look at it the more I like it. In fact, I understand it now It's been sipping hot muscatel Get it from a distance whiteness of it the rounded lines and the way it's Study art school. Can you tell me what this represents? Let me see It looks like a human form on its knees, but although this statue is very dear to me I believe in sharing my joy with my fellow man in short. I'm giving you this statue Show how I feel about you Thank you very much. I hate you too. I Want you all to meet mr.. Daniel the odd dealer. How do you do? Hello, mr. Daniel. Hi, Dan What do you think of it? Let me see This technique looks familiar Why George this was done by the modern Greek master Clyde an orphaness not the croc an oilikus Denophanus. Hey, do you hear that ram this thing to genuine Clyde? It won't be so hot. I'm willing to pay $1,500 for who owns it. I bought it. It's my pleasure I'm not gonna let these two guys cheat curly out of 1,500 bucks. Mr. Remy. Who does this statue belong to? me I have the bill of sale and that proves I'm the legal owner, but I'm not selling it to you Harry I can get more reported in a public auction. Oh Very well, but do me a favor. I'm having an auction at my place tonight Put it up there so I can bid on it fair enough I'll see you tonight then. Goodbye everybody The crude exhibition of money grabbing that I can't get in on Surprised at you giving a gift to fill and then taking it back because it's worth a lot of money Shame on you and fire on you, too I hope your next upside-down cake comes out right side up Philip you may have the statue and whatever you get for it the auction you may keep More like that's well Really a nice little guy, and I want you to stop patting me on the head. You're hitting my soft spot You just did me a big favor, so I'm gonna do you an even bigger favor No, I'm gonna sing to you This is a favor the devil for my pain, but that lucky old nothing to do me that river Take me across all my troubles away like that lucky old My job got nothing to do till I'm Auctioned off. It's up to us to see he doesn't get much. That's right. All we have to do Julius with you, huh? Yeah. Hey, I want you two guys to do me a favor. See I'm auctioning off this statue You don't have to tell us what to do curly, huh? That's why we're here the help you You just thought the auction and leave the rest. Okay. Thanks fellas. Sorry. Is that the statue you were telling me about Harry? It's worth two thousand easy Two thousand you guys is a couple of glad to hear you feel that way about it, son. Now, gentlemen, let's start the bidding What are you trying to do? We're helping you. Well, if you want to help start with one thousand and stick to it Don't argue just do as I tell you now. All right now gentlemen. I'm ready to hear your offers What am I bid for this beautiful statue? $3,000 one thousand Frankie you're going in the wrong direction, but nice The one who you didn't bid 500 seems to me. I heard somebody offer 3,000 I did three here bring your friend the one with a baggy pants face job of ruining Willie's sales Frankie Willie gave the statue back to me. It's my sale. Don't you understand? I'll tell you what if you and Julius bid it up high enough. I'll split it with oh, okay All right now gentlemen. What was the last bid? I've been six thousand seven thousand three million I could have sworn there were some numbers in between The pieces now we'll get a neck of margillus. This is all your fault This wouldn't have happened if you didn't start off with that ridiculous 35 cent bet What did you bet? Here's your Rex all whenever a customer asks me if Rex all aspirin is the fastest dissolving aspirin you can buy I tell them no, it's the fastest disintegrating. Oh, why what's the difference a great deal, ma'am? You see aspirin itself any aspirin is almost insoluble in water And it's also too fine to hold together in tablet form So a way had to be found to bind it with an ingredient that would quickly disintegrate that is Break up the tablet so the aspirin itself would immediately be free to do its job I see the quicker the break up the quicker the let up exactly ma'am And that's why Rex all scientists developed a binder So low in moisture content that it expands and pulls apart the very second it comes in contact with water Completely freeing the five full grains of aspirin in every Rex all aspirin tablet and allowing them to go to work for you Even while you're swallowing the tablet, I'd say that's about as fast as you can get it and you'd be absolutely correct By laboratory test Rex all aspirin disintegrates faster than any other leading brand tested And that's the kind of quality we family druggers to talking about when we tell you you can depend on any drug product That bears the name Rex all good health to all from Rex all There's a friend of yours here to see you. Hello, Phil. Well, if it ain't Bob McLaughlin one of Hollywood's leading disc Hey, what's on your mind Robert? Well, I have some great news for you Phil as a result of reports from my Rex all record shows all over America and my Follow disc jockeys your victory carding of the old master painter with music arranged by Walter sharp places You on top of the list as America's newest male vocal sensation Joe let's keep out of there way of saying thank you And we hope that you'll bring us another victory in a song real soon Thank You Bob McLaughlin and incidentally ladies and gentlemen Bob McLaughlin has done over 350 15-minute programs all over the country for Rex all and Bob to you and all the disc jockeys all over America for this vote of Confidence, I want to thank you and also to our listeners for accepting this song from Filsey. Yeah, that's me Oh for crying out loud Included in today's cast was John Stevenson the part of Frankie Ramley was played by Elliot Lewis and Julius was played by Walter Tetley Why cough your head off these winter days when there's such soothing relief with kerosene Rex all's popular cough remedy Ruby red and pleasant tasting Cherisote does double duty soothing the raw and irritated membranes of your throat and bronchial tubes and helping to loosen your cough See your doctor about any cough that hangs on Ask for cherisote wherever you see the orange and blue Rex all sign on the window and remember You can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rex all Stay tuned for Sam spade then theater guild with Jane Wyman on NBC