 Here at Uber, we understand the concerns over the safety of our self-driving cars, so we're implementing new decision-making algorithms to ensure you're on our side. Uber cars will no longer take the fastest path, but the coolest path, targeting sweet drifts and jump routes. Uber cars will keep pedestrians at a safe distance by emitting smart flames. In emergency situations, nearby Uber cars can network with each other to combine into a giant robot and switch to destruction mode. We hope these awesome features will make you forget all the terrible things we do.