 Well, hello and welcome to Jonathan from the Heart. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, the things men wished you knew about why they pull away. Really quickly, if you're new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button. Hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if any time you like this video, please hit that like button. Also, these are my weekend videos I shoot out on my balcony. Very similar to the videos I shoot in my private group called Midlife Love Mastery. This is a group where we do a once a month webinar where you can ask questions directly to me and I shoot videos specifically based on the questions you ask in the group. So check out the link below to my VIP group. Okay, we're going to talk about what men wished you knew about why they pull away. Now, if you watch my channel frequently, you know I kind of go into the emotional and psychological and the subconscious issues of why most men pull away. Because most of you actually did a pull and you thought most of the time they're just not that into you. But I want you to know that most men, when they begin engaging in a relationship, there's a reason why he does. He likes you. He likes spending time with you. He thinks you are someone special. And as I shared before, there are other things that are going on in a human being's life that can create confusion, complication, frustration. If he's going through a nasty divorce, if he has issues at work going on, these are some of the primary reasons why a man will pull away because the ground underneath him doesn't feel solid. Now, we repeat that the ground underneath him doesn't feel solid. And what I mean to say is his life has a bit of chaos going on. And to be fully engaged in a relationship, to be fully all in, it makes it very challenging when your outside world is in chaos and it makes it difficult to lean into the emotional aspects of a relationship. So these are some of the common reasons that I talk about frequently. What I'm about to share today with you is a much deeper reason why a man might pull away and I can share this from personal experience. So because many men, many men have a fear of intimacy, a fear of intimacy. They are scared, they are scared for a variety of different reasons. Now, many of you know that I talk about childhood wounds and traumas, childhood wounds and traumas that causes someone to either be an anxious attachment style or an avoided attachment style. I repeat that they can be either anxious or avoided. Oftentimes men lean into avoidancy because of a childhood wound and trauma. And what I mean is there could have been abandonment in his home. There could have been abuse in his home. There could have been a dysfunctional relationship at home. I want you to think about this. You know, and today, ever since the 1960s, we've seen a proliferation of divorces and couples getting very angry at one another during the divorce process. And I just want you to imagine a little kid who experiences that. That can be a very traumatic experience. This is why I highly recommend folks check out the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process. The Hoffman process is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas. So one can heal, as I said, healing, can heal and move past what might be a block in their life. And I've said this about myself in different ways. And by the way, there's childhood wounds and traumas, and then there's adult traumas. And any of you who know me know that I lost my 19-year-old son Connor to an accident some years ago. And I've recognized now this is an adult trauma that I've experienced that makes it difficult for me to lean into love. It makes it challenging for me because I already have this, and I'm aware of this. By the way, the difference is I'm actually aware of this. Most people aren't even aware that this might, men in particular, might be causing a block to wanting to get close to someone. You know, it's Father's Day today, and it's really a challenge because, by the way, here's a picture of both my boys, Connor, excuse me, Connor here, and that's Colin, and Connor's not going to be here today. And my son Colin's going to be on a trip, so I'm all by myself for Father's Day. And I wasn't expecting to, I thought Colin was going to be here. And why I'm sharing this with you is these are things that trigger my fear of intimacy. And I'm just one person. Imagine all the different men out there that are experiencing some sort of trauma, just like all many of you women have experienced either childhood wounds or traumas or adult traumas that make you be afraid of intimacy. And I can tell you, I've spoken to a lot, a lot of women. I have over 20,000 hours of coaching, and I've come to witness so many women have a fear of intimacy themselves, especially because dating triggers the number one emotional health issue most of us are faced with. And that is, I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, and I'm not likable. This is why I wrote my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? There's the back cover. By the way, there's a link below to my book and all the books I recommend, and the Jonathan recommends books section in the description. So why am I sharing all this with you today? Why do men wish you knew this is why we pulled away? This is challenging. This is the challenging facet of the dating, mating, and relating process, is to find an emotionally healthy human being. And the reality is, is many people are suffering on the inside in some way, shape, or form. I'm going to repeat that. Many women alike, many are suffering on the inside in some way, shape, or form. And sadly, as a male, I witnessed so many women bashing men rather than coming from a place of understanding. I'm going to repeat that. I witness over and over and over again a bashing of men instead of coming at it from a place of understanding. Because if you watch my content, you know, I say most human beings are good people. They're just bad daters. This is why my t-shirt says, humankind, be both. We are all humans. We can have a choice. We can be kind or we can judge others for their behavior when they pull away, when they go, when they disappear, as being bad people. Most of the time there's an inner, there's something going on inside somebody that makes them scared, that makes them fear leaning into relationships. And by the way, folks, let's think about this for a second. You know, the divorce rate, and I know it's shifting now a little bit, but the divorce rate is 50%. That means 50% of people that were all gung-ho and happy and took all their wedding pictures and it was like they did videos and they professed their love have broken up. And I bet you anything that other 50% that are still in marriage, probably half of those people are miserable as well. And now we see in the dating realm, people are unable to commit. They're only leaning into casual relationships because the number one issue for most everybody, as I said before, is I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, and I'm not likable. And yet sadly a small percentage of the population does work. Personal development, self-help, and spiritual work. Let me go back to my book again. This is a book about inviting everybody to do a daily practice of personal development, self-help, and spiritual work to heal so they can actually lean into a healthy, happy, juicy, delicious relationship. Most of you know I like to say juicy, delicious because I'm a believer. This is my coffee mug today. Do all things with love. Do all things with love. We have a choice. We can choose to bash the opposite sex or bash, if you're in the same sex, you can bash the other person. We can bash people. We can call them narcissists and selfish and they're bad behavior and everything. Yeah, sure, you can do that. But what's the point? What's the benefit? What's the benefit of holding onto anger, resentment, frustration? What's the point of holding onto that? This is why I'm such a big proponent to leaning into love. First, loving on oneself. Loving on oneself. Loving on oneself. And then opening your heart to loving humanity. Even those people that you might feel have hurt you. Because forgiveness isn't about the other person. Forgiveness isn't about absolving somebody of bad behavior. Forgiveness is leaning into your heart-centered space. Forgiveness. Forgiving love. Giving yourself love. I've mentioned this in my podcast. If you're not familiar with the Hawaiian forgiveness prayer, it's also known as the Haponoponoponopono. And it goes like this. I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I'm suggesting giving yourself a shot of L12. Because here's the thing. Those men that pulled away, some of them are in chaos. Some of them have job issues. Some of them have nasty divorces. And in some cases, they're just not that into you. I get that. And I want you to know a big percentage of them have a fear of intimacy, a fear of getting close because they've had pain in their life. And I just want you to think of them not as a grown adult man, but as a child in pain. If you saw a small child in the cancer ward going through leukemia and their life is withering away, would you judge them for being a bad person? Because that's what's happening on the inside of men and women alike. The little kid inside of us is going through some hurt, some pain. And the reality is, is most human beings have done little work, little work, to lean into emotional maturity. And this is why I'm such a big proponent of listening to the, reading the books I'm suggesting and doing the workshops that I suggest to heal on oneself. Because whether or not you enter into a relationship, some of you could say, I just want to give up. I want to give up. This is just too much. This is just a very valid feeling to have. I want you to know it's not about getting a relationship with a man or a woman. It's really about learning on the relationship within oneself. This is why I recommend all these books because when you have a really juicy, delicious relationship with yourself, it doesn't matter whether or not you're in a relationship or not. And guess what happens? When you just let go of it all, the right person comes into your life, that right person that just wants to be with you, wants to spend time with you, and wants to lean into being with each other from a place of emotional maturity. When you do the work, there's a good chance someone will come into your life. And I do suggest being a little bit intentional. Put yourself out there on the dating apps. I know many of you are like, I don't like it. Hey, these days it's where 90% of people are meeting for the most part. I'm not saying that is an absolute. But that seems to be where most people are meeting. All right, I think you get the gist of where I'm going. So I just want you to know we're all human. We're all doing the best we can. We can judge others or we can live inward and do, as I said here, do all things with love. And that's my invitation for you. Hope you found value in this video. Please post a comment below. What do you think of my shirt? What do you think of my books? As always, I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big, gigantic Jonathan Bear hug of self love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear, a teddy bear and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye now.