 Fuck off fuck everything Another fine today Wasn't a good day everyone nothing worked out our way. I even ran out of fuel just before Matthew How'd you run out of fuel? Well, I saw it Beeping and making sounds this morning, but I just went to the gym up the road Then he had to go to Nando's earlier and then I thought fuck But then there was no fuel station in between there Well, we sort of skipped the one that we were meant to go to and then how long was your Duplicates Anyway bad news shit day guys. We got fucking another fine from the police. Hopefully when this comes out, we'll run now. We're planning on Streaking at the AFL Grand Final this weekend. Yeah, we can say we'll either have done it or we Couldn't find tickets and knowing our luck lately. We fucking won't even get tickets there But we're going to try and kick a goal at the AFL Grand Final That's the plan We're gonna take a ball. Yeah, we'll take a ball each. We'll jump the fence and we'll fucking leg it to the goal See if we can Miss all the security and just try and kick a goal. Oh Our parents would be so proud of that Hopefully the only thing I'm worried about is the players taking us out Yeah, that's a salt brother super embarrassing. Yeah, everyone will be so happy about that. So we're just gonna have to We're gonna be little just which was trying to make the one last big fucking video for the end of the year and that's it but Yeah, of course this morning couldn't fucking get tickets to sold out within two minutes. So we're gonna have to try and scalps on now and There is actually some good news guys Matt do you want to tell him? No, we're not talking about this. Yes. We are Matt's got hemorrhoids. Yeah. Oh, he's got his first hemorrhoid I'm so proud of him. He's fucking he's got cream for it. Who's rubbing the cream on it your girlfriend or you? I'm doing it. No way. I had this funny thing in the bathroom this morning And I was trying to get the cream on I was using the mirror from the wardrobe So I was in a weird like you don't need a mirror. You just feel the fuck But I want to make sure I got it all oh I never ever put no cream on my ass hole and they just heal up in like a week or a month She's in the bathroom and I'm like do not come out it will you'll see some strange shit going on Oh, I want to see it so bad. He won't show us guys. I'm so upset a big how big is it? Yeah, it's kind of be I was I was at the gym and I was going hard and then at the gym I needed a shit and I shat at the gym after pushing hard on legs and Yeah, I was uncomfortable all day. Is there blood. There's a little bit of blood. Oh, you're lucky boy Oh a little treat to look out in the bowl after Yeah, no, you'll be right dude. Just eat some veggies. They say it's just not cool to look out or feel Oh, I'm a fan. I'm a fan of it something different. It gives you something to sort of can you show us later off camera? Come on. He said no to me before. Yeah. Yeah, I know but I'm I'll show you my dick You don't seem to see it Whatever you want to see whatever part of me you want to see I'll show you oh Man, I'm it's deal. That's so good Matt. I'm fucking very proud of you. It's super uncomfortable three but it's it's Not good. It's not a good feeling Jump in the comments if anyone has had hemorrhoids tell us your thoughts on them But for me it's very uncomfortable. Yeah, they do apparently it's super common They probably don't talk about it Oh Yeah, well, there you go. That's the best news. That's the best thing that's happened to everything else has been fucking shit Oh, these fucking brand deals win ever ever doing fucking brand deals again We've got a fine today because we're filming this fucking Borat Brand deal for Amazon Prime and they're like, yeah, just wear this mankini out in public So we're like, oh, we're gonna have to wear underwear underneath it Otherwise, they won't even be allowed to be posted on social media and they were like, oh really? Oh, you have to wear undies in the K then okay, but like reluctant on even making us wear of the underwear Want us to go out without underwear then we wear the fucking underwear two scenes in to being an ad in public Of course the cops rock up. We got a fucking fine. We film the police interaction though So at least we still have a video and end to the brand deal video send the video to them Sorry Amazon's actually liable. So can you remove the police interaction? So like so now they expect us to upload this fucking shit half video with no police interaction at the end of it So they're not fucking liable. They're fine with us getting fines all the time. I'm fucked brand deals So about the mac is no about the McDonald's brand deal. Sorry about that Okay, we needed some money because social media is shit times are fucking tough and but fuck me when not doing I'm anymore. I'm so sick of that shit. Maybe for tiktok for nothing else. Yeah, fuck you Amazon prime No, I'm going watch that fucking Borat movie. No, uh, we're just the fuck man. I probably will We love Borat deep down we just hate the fucking marketing team fuck you. What's the name of who does Borat again? Yeah, he's a great fucking arrested all the time in the movie Why would it not suit it to have the promo for that movie to also have some fucking dudes getting arrested Matt? Is what happened today? What what do you reckon? Why I? Don't know people get scared people get scared people man It's getting shit this world's getting real shit everyone and it's giving me the shits and mad hemorrhoids Fucking I should never have told you're bleeding from the bum Can I ask where the security tag came from what's the deal with that? That wasn't on the table last week Oh, yeah, Julian bought that today for our Borat brand deal video. Oh, okay Yeah, more money we spent on your shit video that we can't pose that now We have to go and film more scenes tomorrow before they can even submit it to Amazon. Oh So now we have to postpone filming our own videos to fucking add some more clips to them It's like it's never fucking ends. We just gonna fucking ditch it now though. I don't know. I don't know fuck We are gonna come a long way Anyway, you know it was one day, but yeah, fuck dad man. It's been a fuck dad day. It's been a fuck dad week Yeah, he's caught. I hope to God by the time this comes out of this podcast. We've at least successfully Run on to the field the AFL grand final and hopefully kicked a fucking goal because I wouldn't It'll be beautiful pitch. Yeah, but fuck. Yeah, that's just say that we did that's we we have guys No, cuz imagine if we didn't imagine if nothing happened because we couldn't even fucking get tickets Yeah, and then we sound like dickheads right now Planning on running on to the field, but we didn't even get fucking tickets to get on I was fucking ticket ticket master over the fuck It's called at 9 a.m. When tickets went on sale and within fucking one minute There were no three tickets next to each other Fucked up. Yeah, I wonder how I wonder how that works. Just give me a fucking ticket We'll pay anything just give me a fucking ticket someone just want to get in there God they make it hard everything's hard. I think there was that was it only 10,000 tickets on sale though. No 35 But well, okay, then well lots of them would have gone to members. Yeah I thought the members have first hopefully the members in like Melbourne and shit who can't come hopefully they start selling their tickets And we can just snap up a couple of them, but fucking hell. It's not looking good. Oh, man Have you checked my mark a place? No, not yet If we don't do it somehow guys just pretend we did we just know that we're planning on doing it's fucking terrifying So many things can go wrong and it'll be more police issues and we'll definitely have to go in front of a judge this time Yeah, we've had what two fines now in like a week public nuisance funds because people are like The cops rocked up today like six patty wagons so good such aggressive cops Because someone called the cops said that there were dudes running around naked and on drugs All he had on was a fucking undies and I was pretending to be a security guard chasing him It's not that fucking bad. They were jocks. They were shorts So it's like I could wear short shorts and that's okay, but I can't wear jocks What the fuck is going on look at what I knew we're actually classes naked That's what they said to us and then the fucking cop quarters retards Yeah, what do you call us? It's a fucking three fucking Rita Yeah, you called us three fucking retards running around making people call triple. Oh, you can't say that these days even any days I guess Matt anyway Fuck you that one cop the rest were okay. There was just one big dickhead Jesus Christ and we've got a really funny video done there But probably won't be allowed to post it on social media because our Facebook page is nearly gone It's just fucking impossible at the moment. Just nothing is working out Anyway, we're having a big rant and we're all like Fucking exhausted just so draining just having a missing obstacle after obstacle after obstacle down. Oh my god It's just like get fucked. I'd rather just go back to coaching. Yeah, dude great We'll call Greg today actually you guys aren't the only ones that are gone through it as well other people are Struggling social media wise. I think every night Lynn. They had struggles as well Made Lynn. I think someone mentioned that show me got demonetized. Maybe I think he might have gotten that back I think there was a mistake. Yeah, everyone's fucking struggling in social media. It's not all bloody It's not all everyone just fucking around all day. You know, it's it's fucked. It's not easy Yeah, there's a lot of rules now guys, you don't know where the next paychecks coming from That's for fucking sure. It certainly isn't coming from Amazon Prime you fucking dogs I thought it would be fun. I thought we'd have some creative freedom with this borat video They said make it edgy. That's what they said says it in the brief. They say make it edgy is edgy God and then we do that and there's sorry Amazon's liable fuck off. We're liable. We're the ones who did it You told us to do it. Oh Anyway, next question. So if you want to really support us guys Go to a website because that's pretty much what we know the website's website's fucking slow as shit at the moment because of all the bloody videos on there, but We're moving everything to the app. We don't know when the app's gonna be done That's another thing where it's just obstacle after obstacle We have to like sync up the stripe account sync up the click funnels all this Tedious time-consuming shit. So I don't know when it's gonna be out ready It's it's it's live in the app store, but you can't do anything. So I don't bother downloading it yet So, yeah, I don't it's made hopefully a month. That's what the time frame. I've been given hopefully a month So probably hope real probably realistically maybe like six or seven weeks. I don't know guys We're trying our best. We're not fucking experts in the tech world Learning as we go and yeah, I know just try and put up with the the speed of the website It was never meant to have this much content on it It was all meant to be switched over to the app by now and the servers getting real slow and clogged up Because it's just so much fucking so many videos on there now. Just hang in there for us guys Next year. We've got some rad shit planned. Yeah, we're gonna fuck it 2020 has been so raped Yeah, it has not been fucking fun. That's for sure. Oh, man Anyway, we've got talker tonight. We do Marty's out though. Yeah, we played this game with the tennis mixed with soccer and that's sort of my fucking release now So I'm gonna look forward to that and we're gonna get our next segment on which is called shop and It's where we answer questions from you guys Marty like to go first wait. No Matt. Have you got the I don't I didn't get questions cuz I thought we just But um, they're all pretty quality so Have a look Mmm All right, I've got one from Anton I cannot pronounce the last name looks like a mechanic and a mechanic. Yeah, that's it That's exactly right. Thank you. Mmm. Would you rather to be able to only drink a backwashed water from random people? Or only be able to consume water by chewing ice ice for sure. Yeah Yeah, you get also you die probably you probably get some infections of some kind What about the ice? You see people that get like stranded stranded in the snow That's yeah, but they're not allowed to eat it because it lowers their body temperature But if you live in Australia, just fucking I'll just have a block of ice Let us sit in your mouth let it melt and then fucking Okay. Yeah, I'd go ice too Question for Martin from lad. His name's lad. Fuck yeah, can Could you say just one only one German word? Schmetterling Oh, what's that mean? Schmetterling means butterfly No Oh, wait, no, cut off a cave is potato bug. Um Kugelschreiber Can I just point something out Michael's becoming more German as this Season's podcast has gone on. He's been coming up with a lot more words. I have got a little crush on it It's like a a crush you sort of hate you sort of bully I like bully the German society, but I really do love it deep down. It's just that they need to speak It's so strange when you hear her fucking speak in German. It's it's fucking unbelievable. You've seen it You've seen it on here. It's unbelievable. It's incredible noises. How do you say fly in German? Fliege I love so hard of a dizzying my hammer. It hurt. Oh fuck. I made a roll of teeth with the the blue tank Well, you guys are talking. Whoa, it looks like a vampire teeth Put it on there Holy shit, you're an artist How did you do that? I've just been patiently working at that for a while Next question is from Nikki Question for the podcast. Can you please reveal your favorite vehicle from this list and why horse number one? broomstick number two a giant turtle Number three being carrying around like a baby by Marty respectfully or by Michael if it's the other is a broomstick a flying Bloomstick, yeah, I guess so this girl's German by the way shout out to her. I've seen her comment before Number four 20 cockroaches under each foot. I'd go the broomstick. That's fucking yeah broomstick Then you can like go on you be in between people's crotches When when they're fucking flying you imagine that is this what we want to be no This is what you want to choose as your mode of transport. Oh, yeah for him stick Oh, I'd even be a broomstick. I'll go that giant turtle. You've seen Nemo. I'll be that cool, dude Yeah, but you can't bloody breathe. It's so slow. It's so slow in and out. He's fine They can go in and out of water. No, you want to fly like Harry Yeah, and then you can fly your broomstick into the water and then back out. Yeah The same thing but as much faster the broomstick. She can't fly a broomstick underwater. Yes, you can. Oh my god 100% you can I used to I used to know a guy Serious oh, I don't know it needs to be tested Yeah, we'll broomstick. Maybe we should test that can broomsticks really fly Yeah, it can broomsticks really fly and you can go underwater see if it flies Fuck that's not a bad idea. I'm writing that one down. Look at this. I've now done the Bottom jaw with them that with the teeth here if you guys want a Look, you know, put them in Look, it's falling apart a little bit Yeah, I'm writing this idea down. You can see that there. It is a good idea in YouTube. So that's the Upper jaw there kind of cut me saying this is a good idea I didn't enjoy it upper teeth here and then the lower jaw down there So you can see the canines and then the four little middle teeth there Anyway, what do you guys like to do in your spare time comment below? Fly all right next ring worm. All right next ring worm is oh He's a regular arm. I can never print out uncle is 2017. He's a right He's a question for the podcast. Yeah, you regularly post something. He said my threes are getting old That's feelings Yeah Question for the podcast. Why does Marty's fart sound so tight? Because I have a special technique. I guess I don't know. It's it's a loan skill many It's fucking interesting. He pulls the cheeks apart and then tightens his anus. It's fucked up It's like a picture of when you when you blow up a balloon and you you let an air and you pull the neck side base You pull the neck of the balloon side base as you're letting the air out. It makes a high-pitched sound That's what I do. Did you say neck pissed me off a bit there? Nick, you know, he's a neck and German That's right. We always used to say it We'd play Monopoly virtually on the fucking Xbox. Just press a over and over again staying up till 4 a.m. Saying halts, and that's when we were diagnosed with severe autism OK I JLZ Hi, it's it's such a weird weird word, but then we convinced the guy we're playing with that We wanted to fuck him Philip. He was a German exchange student And we get fucking like flirting with each other attending that we're gonna start making out And we're like pressuring to kiss us and shit started touching his leg No, no, no, I don't want to. No, no, I don't know He never slept over again we fucked him We didn't fuck him, but he thought we wanted why he's a German extension from school Yeah, it was in the tennis program with us and then we convinced him to sleep over and we're obsessed with Playing Monopoly on Xbox because we couldn't be fucked on all the work Push the thing rolling a die shits me too. Anyway, that's Phillip. You're probably watching me We fucked you Halds Our next question is from Jake Osborne. Will you ever go traveling to meet fans or do shows or anything? Of course when's when we're allowed to we can't really do much at the moment, but yeah, we've been We're meant to travel all year this year, but we couldn't so as soon as the borders re-open We'll we'll definitely be looking to go back to America and fucking just around astralia. I guess we go around Australia We yeah, well, you know what we'll go around Australia next year. We just got a we just got a fucking figure out how to Get all these videos under control because it's just too much. Yeah, fucking hell man We just I wonder Matt's getting hemorrhoids look at all the videos we have to pump out You have a lump on your bum hole, I feel like I'm pretty tempted to title this episode My girlfriend's been doing the same jokes to me as well Oh, really? Yeah, it picks on me has your bum bum. Yeah, I think it's funny How's your bottom? That's the the right way. How big is it like a pea size? You have to show us bigger. You have to fucking show us Would you okay, I'll give you 50 bucks if I can touch it That's pretty good. I'll put in 50 for that hundred bucks and I get to touch it on this podcast We'll do it, but not facing away. You just have to face the camera with your eyes No softly touch it You know you don't have to do it on camera. I just do it off camera and I will commentate them I'll rip my nail off so it won't scratch it and it won't bleed There's a bit long at the moment. You put a bit of tissue on his finger so we can just touch it through the tissue $100 please Come on, man. Hundred bucks dude. Come on. Come on. Next question On against it We'll do it $200 no I'd do that for free. I'd pay you to touch mine. I Have before I will again. My name is ban. Just good. Don't don't don't don't see I think this is the last question I'll double-check though from Jacob Borders Would you rather die from drowning or from fire? Drowning I almost did go back to the podcast number one the first story we ever did You'll hear the storm water drain story. I've almost drowned like three times burning would suck Burning would be so painful. We tried to and sorry about our website We got a website video when you if you're listening to this now our website members It's the website exclusive video that came out last wednesday We tried to give each other a tattoo with a magnifying glass. That's impossible impossible You can't as soon within Four seconds the magnet the light that shines through the magnifying glass was burning the skin And you just like even if you fight through it for a while. It's just a very small little red mark So it's like fucking impossible. Yeah, and it was just too painful for anything burn fire related is shit It's too fucking we learnt that from one of our first vids. We did when we played with fire It's dangerous as fuck. I almost got like a lit up because we didn't fire extinguisher didn't work And like it's just I don't want to ever fuck with fire or burning shit again Yeah, and like you left all disfigured and shit if you do survive At least if you drown and you're you're this close to death and then you do survive a drowning You're fine. You just get out of the water and cough up a bit of piss Then you've moved on but with burning you you that's scarzy for life, man Is that why you look like Nothing. Oh, I'm just joking I'm just kidding, man. I'm sorry. Let me touch your hemorrhoid Oh my brown my brown You're my Matthew Brown. All right, let's tell you secrets time Is there no more questions? No, that's everything. So there's probably someone instagram But um, should we just do them on youtube from now on? Yeah, that's what I've told people I want to push it to youtube Cause then we can comment If you want to send in secrets guys send them to our instagram and I'll take care of it Yeah, so secrets to instagram questions on our youtube fully Marty and Michael fully actual YouTube channel This podcast is sponsored by the university of my already know. Okay. Just you already know Actually, we want to see some decent content from us guys. Oh, yeah Look what we found we found our old Fuck I can't believe we forgot to tell you this we found A hard drive with lots of our old tv show fucking Segments on there. So we used to have back in the day years ago. We had this really shitty local tv show And we did some stupid shit on that and we actually got kicked off of air So we weren't even on there for for a full season. We're kicked off of air for just being a bit Bit too fucked up And we're posting those um for the next month. I think it's four episodes on every sunday on the website So it's some fucking it's the tit challenge. Yeah And our tiktok is fucking banging. We are lost in the bush Yeah, I can't believe but we come here for the podcast like some all this is in the bush Yeah, we set matt came to us And then he keeps us there And we've got like a little bush series of being lost there and fuck me has some drama happened Stephen Hawking's is evil at times. He's a fucking psychopath Watch it on our tiktok guys. It's fucking intense. Yeah for some ex-comps and if you want if you need it, you know All right, here we go. We'll just go with some secrets Okay, this one's from oh, we can't really we won't fucking tell you who was from because this is anonymous It's safe to send guys All right, the bank put up a hundred k in my account six years ago And I went on a huge bender and never got done. That's never got done. That's so fucking cool Imagine that all the time banks are like that happens a bit. Wasn't there some dude who went on williams podcast? Yep Saying that he was fun. He could unlimited card. He'd just keep at a certain time at a certain ATM he could fucking get an unlimited cash out and then just spend it and The only reason he got done is because he turned himself in turned himself in man. The banks fuck us every day never ever Ever give yourself into a bank or even the police If you've done something wrong never hand yourself in because if there's a chance of getting away with it Why not take unless you've killed a rape someone? Yeah, yeah unless it's something bad, but any petty crimes. Fuck it But anyway, anyway, everyone the new banking bank called lannister get around it because we're gonna be promoting this shit out of that That's good promo. All right, this one now. This is fucking intense. This guy's got some stories. Okay I owe a drug dealer 4k not for drugs I borrowed cash and another person 4k who's fuming It's two weeks late and all june monday, and I don't have 100 quid to my name sleepless nights boys Fuck that. That's a rough situation. Oh, man. Sorry drug related debt is the worst probably Yeah, fuck me. It would probably be so shit. We've all been there Oh, damn boy All right. Now, let's see get from the same person. This guy's full of them Both think I have it on monday. Oh, this is added on to it Nobody knows and I'm just getting twatted every night. So I don't think about it Deep, huh? Need alone. God that is fucking intense So, yeah, he's he's yeah, he's fucking there Stressful if we think we've got it bad. Fuck imagine him right now. We should be grateful Matt you've got a hemorrhoid be grateful. I wish I had one. I'd swap my life for that right now Anyway, yeah from the same dude I was racking coke in the toilets through the entire wedding of my two of my best mates weddings Everyone's done that I took coke and pills through my entire 10-year relationship with my ex-wife Without her knowledge. Jesus. How she must have been dumb Yeah, dude, that's intense Fuck. All right. I once took a blue Nike in town and was overdosing So I lied to my best mate That I had been spiked and he got a speeding fine racing to help me Is it the same guy? This is all the same guy And then he's like I don't actually have a drug problem, but these stories make me sound like I do That definitely sounds like you got some issues there man. Fuck, you know All right. This one's another one from a different person One time I was over my family's house And one of my cousins cousins was so fucking horny. I'm guessing I'm 11 years old at the time and she was in her early 20s She took my virginity that day Ever since then I haven't had good sex or have enjoyed it. Fuck off. But imagine if it was real That's crazy. Man 20 year old. She's a fucking pedophile. She needs to be in jail 11 years old How do you know it might have been a dude? I I didn't even I yeah, well, that's even worse then, isn't it? I don't have a dick when I was 11. Yeah, I didn't even know about sex and shit until I was like what 18 20 I only had testicles when I was like 14 and then the dick came around 16 years old Like boomers you guys Now this one's from a different person I took my dad's police car vehicle out for a drive to go out to the pub and drive home afterwards I may add I was fucked and I didn't get pulled over to He was on holidays. Yeah, of course. You can get pulled in a cop cars. Don't get pulled over Unless he was all over the road Yeah, and then just put the sirens on and say you're chasing. Yeah Oh, I've got a confession. Oh, yes My dad had a BMW when I was a bit younger when I was like 16 Yeah, and he went away for like a couple of days and I don't know where my sister was but I had access to the car and so I Think I drove it to school and I took it to a party And you just were cool because I had a BMW. I thought it was the best thing ever Oh my god, and I came he came home And I think it was about 10 minutes of him being home. He must have went straight in and checked the odometer And he's like you took you took the car out didn't you? And I was like no, no, I didn't know he's like he's like he lied to me I'm like no, I didn't he goes well. There's a hundred k's on it I was like I didn't not do a hundred k's, but I must have maybe maybe your sister took it out Maybe as well That's a fucking high possibility And I remember going he goes you lied to me and he was like coming after me And I remember running and like diving under my bed to try and get away from him And he fucked you And he fucking he fucked you He's just because I thought he's gonna hit me and I remember his hand like under there trying to get at me And I'm thinking a little hemorrhoid asshole, brother. I'm gonna make it bleed Oh, that's hot. I like that story Matthew Brown That was a little high school story That is a storyline of so many pornos And my sister doesn't know but I took her car out a few times too I took all their cars out a few times But never got caught never crashed them. I was a good boy I never ever took my parents cars out Me either. Have you ever taken our cars out? Man, I've good Um, yeah, I took your car once so I drove to the shops Yeah, with our consent Got some, no, no, it was our consent. Might he was asleep Been out Oh my god Yeah, sorry, man This is a secret I jack off to Jackson's mrs. At least once a week I'm telling Jackson on you Yeah That it happened so much I guess she's in On only she only fans She's she is in porn So I guess that sort of her job is to be wanked over She makes bugs I have sex with my friend's mom on the regular basis We have been doing this for about a year and she is married and I have known him since grade seven We are 30 now That's fucked up Man Imagine that Imagine if I was just drilling Matt's mom Oh, as hard as you could Since since I've met you Matt Julie, Matt Julie You're fucking her as hard as you can from behind and she's begging you to stop Please stop Mrs. Brown Oh, Brown Toc-Toc Brown Oh Oh, yeah All right, next one His hammer I just tripled in size All right, next one I was in high school like three years ago I was flirting with my teacher She's 20 years older than me We had sex a lot of times and she's my mom's friend That's hot Let's expose him Can we go back? How Let's get her thrown in jail How old was he when he had sex with her? He was seven years old Three years ago So he would have been like 16, 15 And he's drilling his teacher Yeah That happens so much more than you realize Yeah Imagine if a teacher got old and I've known what to do I would have just I was so immature in high school Such a sick little fucking snake cunt He was silly, silly, billy He was just silly, billy I wouldn't even know how to fuck nothing cunt Oh, I never had any hot teachers I slept with my cousin's wife two weeks after their honeymoon Cousin still has no idea about it No idea if I should tell him That That you a cunt That person is a cunt That who does that? Fucks his cousin's misses Right after they get married And his cousin's misses is also a fucking scumbag What a man There you go There's some of these secrets Oh my god We shouldn't judge We're getting him to send in entertainment Yeah, we don't want to Good job, mate They're sending them in to be judged Mmm, Marty and Michael All right That's too much reading for me I lived with a guy in Spain who caught jacking it to an amputee porn On the sitting room couch He moved out within a week He could do to my school who microwave then fucked a banana and told people I also lived with another guy who we caught flushing the toilet with his head in it First few times we thought he was throwing up Third time he was filming himself He sang pictures of nudie girls from adult magazines up on my wall When I was a teen and my mother's cousin who I bail in You came over from England one Christmas and found his daughter's tits on the wall above my bed I've rusty hooked a girl during doggie without her realizing What's that? What's rusty hook? I think you like shove it in your arse So you got shit on your fingers And then you go That is fucked That is fucked How do people come up with his shit? Dude, there's a lot of whashing A friend of mine had a cum cap under his bed Which was basically a baseball cap he shot his load into for five years I wonder what the cap would look like I had a rubber pussy We'd be so crustified Just crushed him Had a rubber pussy when I was younger And slashed it into the panels of the bathroom at home Stashed it in the panels of the bathtub at home That is fucked Yeah, yeah, yeah And then look The cum cap Wonder what that would look like Oi, if you're listening to this person who sent that in Send us a photo of the cum cap I'd love to see what that looks like That is a good science experiment And then his mum Stashed it in, yeah, yeah, in 10 years So now nearly 10 years later So that dude who put that, that fucking, what was it? Cum cap No, the fucking rubber pussy in the bathroom So he's hidden it in the tiles, right? 10 years later, his mum's had the fucking bathroom redone Had the plumber come over and sent a photo of it To it That's fucking awkward Oh man, that is so good Definition of the rusty hook Yeah, I think it's similar to what you said Hook occurs when the length of the index finger is inserted into the anus Extracted and placed on the inside of someone's mouth Thus hooking their cheek How much would you do that for? A bit of clay How much, okay No! Come on, let me ask you a question No, I know what the question is Stop it I haven't even said it yet Yeah, but I can read you What do you reckon? You want to touch my hemorrhoid and stick it in your mouth like a hook All right, here's what you can eat So what would you rather? You can either let me squeeze your hemorrhoid until it bursts Or you go Do they do that? Do they burst? What are they? We should try and burst you No! How much? Periplies Okay, all right, that or you get rusty hooked by me for a week every day And it's there's shit on there Like I fucking get shit on my fingers No! Come on man Show us your fucking balls Yeah Show me your balls Show us something Give us a dick shot or a ball Give us something, Matt For the fucking third one in your ass Your fucking pink balls I want to see him and touch it Oh, just let it fill you up Come here Just show us your ass You don't have to show us the asshole Just put your pants in and show us the ass Come on Please Come on Yes Sit back and relax Oh yeah, here comes the show Sick Matthew Brown Yeah, look at the wig I'm wearing No, I don't know that Huh? You think I'm not doing anything You think I'm fucking normal? That's been shit for us Give us a little treat Oh yes Will you show us that? Will you be extra treasure? Will you be extra treasure? Please I want to see it so bad Come on, you fucking slut No Oh We pushed him too hard We were so close, he stood up Too easy He had his pants down Fuck Oh my god Oh Fucking hell I was so excited then That would have fixed my day Look what you've done You've destroyed me You fucking destroyed me Oh Maybe show at Toca You can show all the boys We'll have a laugh No Okay It's mine I'm backing off I'm backing off One of my biggest secrets Is one night Me and my cousins And a couple of our friends Went out drinking And we got so shit faced That me and my friend Andrew Oh shit Well we wouldn't We won't say his last name The last ones See That's all you had to do He even made music You didn't have to do that I can't do that I made a song It'll hurt He made a song I made your song Matthew Brown A sweet ballot All right So here with his friend Andrew Stayed up right Everyone's passed out The last ones to go to bed So since everyone passed out My friend Andrew pissed on one of our other friends And I farted on Johnny's face The next morning Johnny had pink eye And my friend Mike woke up in wet jeans Thinking he'd pissed himself That's the best prank I'm having pissing on your mate Passed out In his crutch area And then in the morning he thinks he pissed himself But it's someone else's piss I'm doing that That is good shit That's a fucking good prank That's my favorite secret Anyway Keep those secrets going That is good shit Send them to our Instagram Fucking good shit Do we have a stunt time? Yeah, it's pouring lemon juice into Michael's eyes All right sweet Our next segment is called Stunt time Stunt time Stunt time Our next segment is called stunt time I haven't even think about that I'm so scared dude Do you know how fucking much this burns? Really? Okay This is not going to be fun Yeah I didn't want to He just made that up man I didn't even think I was doing this Try and drink it with your eyes Maybe if you eat one of those berries first It won't hurt so much Yeah actually that's my reward Remember We're filming a video with these tomorrow We're gonna eat lots of sick shit Oh he's twitchy Is that a vocle? No No It's fucking disgusting Oh we got it Yeah yeah yeah Wipe it off with this Wipe it off with this You got some bad No please I need something mad Mad Please Mad Yeah yeah yeah It's getting worse Yeah yeah yeah yeah Matt do you want to see my hammer on? Yeah Oh my god it's huge It's fucking massive man I know you guys a lot That is pretty I like the colors around the rim of it Oh my god Fucking what's going on? That is massive What's that? Oh Bigger than the ones you had for sure here Fuck you Dear man is that Come on come on Oh no No Do you want a glass of water? No I just fucking want Take your headphones off for a sec No You sure? Get him one of those pieces of clothing I just want toilet paper Fuck Oh Yeah I don't want to do it nicely bro This is what I'm lost in in TikTok world What is this? It's a shirt Covered in urine and lemon All right that's stunt time this week Ha take that Oh yeah you look like you've been fingered You missed the hammerhead Yeah Oh my god What's so many pretty colors around the outside? It's like a rainbow All right for our final For our final segment I'm not doing the segment name changes this week And yeah I'm sorry I didn't do the on this daisy The guys just fucking it's It's uh It's hard to be funny right now What was that? A tee Oh wow I threw a tear on you It burns my skin It's so evil You need holy water come All right for the prank call this week We're going to call Michael's mum And pretend that Michael wants to fuck her That's called Greg again I want to fuck with him We really got to start I thought to myself Fuck we should probably plan a prank call before we do it I didn't even Yeah I always think until we're actually here in this moment Should we should we fucking just I'll just type in a random number and call Yeah Christy Hello Christy's fish yes Yeah My name Arnold I recently catch maybe five six very large fish I'm looking to sell you buy fish Who's who's who's supply of fish are you telling me Is the boss in Or can you make a note for the boss You write this down yes That's no worries I'm pretty sure he called back when he hear my price All right so you write this down yes Yeah I have a six large fish Uh yes I think uh Barracuda Barracuda or barramundi or both I think maybe a little both One is very heavy one I can't even lift myself One I need two man to lift Two whole big man to lift Right at least 50 60 kilo uh you hear me You write that down 50 60 kilo that number I sell you premium fish it's all nice right now I'm looking at it right all nice in the freezer right now I sell you 50 60 kilo of a Barracuda 400 dollar okay that one fish will last your shop four weeks I promise You hear you write that down four weeks that one last But that's only one fish we have a Barramundi Mwah unbelievable flavor Mmm they're still flicking around on the boat they're still living So they're still so fresh and I put them on ice right now Hala Hala go put that one on ice Put it on ice with the others Yes as I said two now and the other four big fish 20 to 30 kilo I lift myself but still very heavy They take me three four hour catch You understand you write that down three four hour And so all together roughly maybe 150 kilo fish Mwah fresh straight on ice Lying there they're couples still flicking around I sell you all 150 kilo Six seven hundred dollar you make me an offer huh you tell him make me an offer Oh I fucking hung up Dude he's my new favorite character I want you to beat him I want you to beat that guy he's so bad He's so good I love him He's still flicking around I wonder how much of that he actually wrote down I bet you he wrote the first bit down the 50 to 60 kilo whatever I'm not wasn't sure what type it was Barracuda or Barramundi Be the book That one had me in stitches That's I reckon that's my favorite is one yet That's my most favorite dude You write that down We'll see you guys next week Oh yeah we're not really the best this week Oh it's been it's not been the best day but we are the best You write that down You write that down we are the best you write that down Fucking hell dude