 nobody likes a flake what is up everybody this is Chris from the Reward Soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution and welcome back to another video where this week we are talking about how to be a better person and in this video we are going to be talking about accountability accountability to others as well as yourself this is huge and I can't stress this enough this was probably one of the most life-changing things that I did for myself by taking responsibility holding myself accountable and showing up when and where I said I was going to show up so do me a favor and share this video even if you don't think this is going to help you I hope you share this video so others who are flakes will learn something from this because we all got that one friend we all got that one friend so anyways let me start out by saying this back in the day I was the least accountable person that you would ever meet I often say when talking about my past before I was held accountable or held myself accountable I lived in a world of maybe okay when people ask me do hey Chris do you want to come to my party maybe hey Chris do you want to come out here maybe hey Chris will you show up here will you do this will you help me out with that maybe because living in this world of maybe I felt that by saying maybe it always gave me an easy out so that way if I didn't show up I would be like well I never said yes nobody likes maybe like think about like the Facebook invitations that you sent out like if you've ever organized an event on Facebook like do you like maybe's do you like well I have a bunch of people saying maybe nobody likes that stuff but for me maybe usually meant to know alright but I had a big people pleasing problem and I didn't want to just say no okay and I'll touch on that a little bit later in this video for all you people pleasers out there but like the thing about accountability is that I mentioned in the last video I like to go into self pity right oh the whole world's against me don't people understand what was me why is everybody so mean to me and stuff like that like when I started being accountable when I started doing things and showing up like it's amazing how few problems I had it's amazing how much better my relationships got it's amazing that people actually knew that they could count on me I'm like oh okay maybe this is my fault maybe it was my fault the whole time maybe I shouldn't have been living in the world of maybe like I make it such a big deal to be accountable today I live in a world today where people know that they can count on me and the people I surround myself with I hope I hope and they do I hope they call me out when I flake on them when I say I'm gonna do something and I don't like I apologize to you guys when I say hey I'm doing a video I'm doing this I'm doing that and I don't like yesterday I apologize I'm like hey didn't feel like making a video told you I was making a video sorry about that like I apologize for it because that's a huge deal I want people to call me out on this stuff and like I know a lot of my accountability issues that come back from my childhood and I will do topics about how your your childhood really affects you as an adult like we often say it but I don't think I really don't think people understand how much it does so growing up with the an alcoholic mom growing up with a dad who gave me a lot of maybe's my dad also taught me to always be flexible which is a good thing but it also gave him room to let me down sometimes but it was very rare that my dad did that but anyways my mom did especially like when you're when you have an alcoholic parent like they come through a lot and I couldn't count on them I couldn't count on them like ever right and it's something that I work really hard on with my son like really really hard my son knows that he has a father where I make damn sure that I come through on all of my promises every single one that I possibly can now things come up things happen like well I'll tell my son hey we're gonna go here and then like a work thing happens and stuff like that but here's what I hope to get through to all of you and this isn't just with your kids with your friends and family when you become more accountable when you show up like when stuff happens they let it slide like they don't mind like they understand they're like whoa like this this guy or this girl always shows up like this must really be an emergency and my son even though he's only nine years old he gets that he understands that I'm on call almost 24 seven for my clients who leave rehab and they're struggling and stuff I can remember just a few weeks ago I was supposed to take my son somewhere and somebody called me and they were in a bad place and they were struggling and I was like hey bud I'm sorry I really gotta take care of this and he completely understands because he knows and like man I'm telling you I'm telling you when I make my son a promise like I go above and beyond I'm talking about we have driven all over the city looking for a Lego that I promised him because if a store doesn't have it it's not my son's fault you know what I mean but like I don't like using that example because it might come off and I hope it doesn't might come off like I spoiled my son or sing things like that but I also set boundaries with him and by the way setting boundaries is a video coming up later this week let's go back to the last video I made okay about uselessness and usefulness okay this is a huge one so how many times have you been having a bad day a rough day and you completely flaked out on your commitments right like let me tell you this follow through no matter what I don't care what happened to you I don't care if you got fired I don't care if the boy or the girl broke up with you I don't care follow through and here's why here's why it is a surefire way to help bring you out of that slump and there was neuroscience to back it up when you do the things that you're committed to doing science has proven and this is why you set goals science has proven that it actually helps create serotonin and dopamine and another great way to get out of yourself pity and all these other negative thoughts is to go and help other people out so say let's say fictional scenario you're planning on helping somebody move right and then all of a sudden something bad happened to work and you want to go home and veg out and no you go help them move because by helping that person you're going to feel so so much better and it is guaranteed follow through no matter what and accountability is a huge thing like somebody made a comment the other day about my social life and I just laughed like I don't have much of a social life aside from like my son and my girlfriend we went to visit my friend but that was the first time I've seen her in like a year and things like that like let me tell you accountability is such a huge deal to me that I don't have many friends because so many people are flakes like I just wish people would follow through I have so many people in my life and maybe it's just the company I keep I don't know but a lot of people fall through there's been so many events that I do for mental health and things like that and I'll get a bunch of people coming on Facebook I'll be there I'll be there I'll be there and like nobody shows up and I'm just like huh like it is a real big judge of character when people fall through and you know this and one of my biggest things that I try to avoid is being a hypocrite okay so like I can't expect other people to hold themselves accountable to me if I can't hold myself accountable to them it's a huge deal this will help you build healthier stronger relationships when people know that they can rely on you now listen listen listen listen we're all gonna fall short okay we're all going to miss things we're gonna show up late things are gonna happen cars are gonna break down and stuff like that that's cool nobody expects you to be 100% there 100% of the time okay but here's the thing apologize apologize for it hey I'm really sorry about that okay don't make excuses make an explanation but just understand like have some empathy understand it might make people upset and don't try to defend yourself and things like that say hey sorry circumstances didn't allow it you know what I mean like there's nothing worse than somebody flaking and then giving you like a mile of excuses like I deal with it literally on a weekly basis on a weekly basis I do this weekly thing for my job and I get text messages from like a dozen people who are like hey can't make it because of this can't make it because of that and I just sit back and laugh it's almost like the old like my dog ate my homework type deal it's like I just don't even want to hear it you know what I mean so if I don't want to hear it what makes me think that other people want to hear it from me you know so if you fall short and you can't make something that you committed to apologize okay whether that person forgives you or not that's completely up to them but lastly a huge part of this thing and holding yourself accountable when you make this some like a staple in your life like you got to start saying no if you don't want to go somewhere say no if you don't want to do that thing say no be honest with these people I guarantee they will respect you a lot more now there is a balance like if you just say no all the time you know what I mean but for all you people please is out there this is going to be very very difficult I get it I get it I don't like telling people no right but my life got better when I started just telling people no like no I think I'm just gonna hang out this weekend you know what I mean but like I try to find a balance where if I if I tell somebody no on something I try to make up for it like you know say a friend invites me to go do something I'm like now it's been a rough week I just want to relax this weekend but hey how about we go grab coffee next week you know what I mean because people like to spend time with you people care about you people might miss you and things like that but start setting that boundary and saying no okay if people get wildly offended by it like remember that's their issue it's not yours okay so start practicing saying no just don't say no all the time because I've said it a billion times in these videos before isolation makes oppression and anxiety worse okay so start working on saying no please it's much people would much rather you say no then flake on them let me tell you so just say no all right well anyways again please do me a favor and share this video if you think it'll help somebody else out and if you like this video please give it a thumbs up and if you are new here I'm always making videos to help you out with your mental and emotional well-being click that little round subscribe button and a big thank you once again to everybody supporting me over on Patreon and if you would like to help support the channel on Patreon and what I'm trying to do here you can click or tap right there all right thanks so much for watching be accountable and I'll see you next time