 So today we're going to talk about, can a man over 40 fall in love ask these questions? And I think you're going to really appreciate the content I'm about to share with you. I originally was going to title this, how does a man fall in love? But I thought to myself, can a man fall in love is a much better question. Now, really quickly, I just want to share with everyone, just this past weekend, I was with a group of men. There was a total of nine of them, of those nine, seven of them were in a relationship. One was a young millennial that has, he's on the spectrum. So he doesn't count in this category. I'm talking about of these other seven men in the group. They were all in a relationship, five of them married and two of them in relatively seasoned relationships. And I'm sharing this from personal experience. These men are genuinely in love with their spouse, with their girlfriend. You can just see it in the way they actually shared how they felt about their relationship. And I'm going to share something with you in just a little bit that will illustrate this point. But I was the only single guy there and I'll be candid with you in full transparency. I am burnt out on the dating process. I am burnt out on swiping. It is, I am burnt out on boring conversations and the list goes on and on. If I'm being really honest, I want to bypass the dating process and go straight to a relationship. In fact, forget that. I want to bypass the dating process. I want to bypass the relationship process. I want to go straight to being in love. Now I'm laughing a little bit because I know how ridiculous that ridiculously that sounds. And yet raise your hand if you feel the same way. Tell me, do you feel like you'd like to bypass the dating process and go straight into a relationship straight to being in love? See, I learned something in my last relationship that I actually have the capacity to go all in. I have the capacity now to go all in. And yet I recognize for those of us in our 40s, 50s, 60s, and even 70s that we have more challenges that we face versus some of our young underlings or young ins that are in their 20s and 30s. See, we have something called life. And within that concept of life is something that's called baggage. We may not like the terminology, but the fact of the matter is we come to the table with a lot more stuff in our lives that makes it challenging to just meet and instantly fall in love with someone, although those seem seems to be rare these days as well. So what's the rub? You want to be in a relationship and you want to be in love. And yet we have to date, whether we like it or not, we have to date. We have to be seen by single eligible people. So how do we put the odds in our favor? Just like in the Hunger Games, may the odds forever be in your favor? How do we put the odds in our favor? In my own personal experience, I think it starts with a genuine self-examination of your own life. Look at your entire life, your relationship history. Look at the choices you've made along the way without pointing the finger at the other person. I mean self-examination 100% taking ownership for 100% of your experience when it comes to your past relationships. And ask yourself, do you see some patterns? Do you have a pattern of choosing a certain type of person? Now it's quite possible that pattern is directly related to a childhood wound or adult trauma. And if you're not familiar with these two books I'm about to share with you, I highly recommend reading the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process. This is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and adult traumas. All the books I recommend are listed in the link below under Jonathan Recommend Books, but also the book Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendricks and Helen Hunt. You will learn about something known as the Amago. I am A-G-O, I am A-G-O. And what that directly relates to is we oftentimes choose people similar to one of our both of our parents or caretakers growing up. Now you might be going, well Jonathan how does this relate to can a man fall in love? Well if you are doing this self-examination, if you're looking at your patterns and your choices and if you aren't doing that then I invite you to hire someone like myself. By the way there's a link right here to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. One of the things I do in my private coaching is we examine our past experiences and we create tools so we can attract a different set of circumstances going forward through discernment. One of my area of expertise is really helping people with discernment but more importantly with their intuition. So if you need some support with that check out the links below. So coming back to the question can a man fall in love? Well I think it's important that the man do self-examination in his life or men to do that, to actually look at their own patterns, how they've chosen people, maybe even reading the books I recommend so they can so they can start opening their heart more to love. Getting clear on the type of relationship that you want and certainly and by the way I'm going to offer some questions in a moment that's really going to help with this so just stick with me for a few minutes but when you get clear on the type of relationship you want you establish your standards. Now ladies I can tell you sometimes your standards are absolutely ridiculous in the wrong areas in the wrong areas and I'm going to share about seven standards that you may want to revisit your current standards because oftentimes it's I'm five foot seven, I wear four inch heels so I must be with a man who's six foot and over. If your whole relationship standard base is based on you wearing heels or whether or not he took you on a coffee date versus a dinner date or whether or not he ordered you know filtered water instead of bottled water on the date if that is your standard you are oftentimes shooting yourself in the foot. If your standard is he took you to Cheesecake Factory instead of a nice upscale restaurant your standard is shooting yourself in the foot. We're going to talk about some standards that are far more important than the oftentimes trivial standards we see on TikTok repeatedly that's possibly even poisoning your way of approaching relationships and you have to make effort with people in the world whether it's a virtual effort where it's whether it's real world effort we have to get physically seen to be asked on a date. So can a man fall in love? Well as I said he's got to do the same work as you otherwise he won't be prepared to know what love is. Folks I'm going to offer what I believe is healthy love in just a moment I want you to write this down I'll repeat myself okay but this is what I believe is healthy love. See coming back to the book getting the love you want by Harbaugh Hendricks Helen Hunt or attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller of the book Wired for Love we oftentimes there's something known as love attachment style that is mistaken for genuine heart-centered love when we attach ourselves to another human being in an unhealthy way because healthy love comes from a place of gratitude and unhealthy love is that jonesing for another person jonesing for another person who doesn't really treat you that well I want you to examine that in your past experiences have you been strung out by somebody and they weren't really that great of a partner that's most likely unhealthy love versus healthy love so let me tell you what healthy love looks like to me and this is what the words I love you mean to me it means I'm here you matter we are important I've got your back I'm not going anywhere and I only want you okay I'm here means I'm present to our experience I'm present to our experience I'm not thinking about the past one relationships I'm in I'm not looking on Instagram to replace you for the bigger better deal I am here I'm present to you you matter that means your feelings are commensurate with my own feelings think about that you matter your feelings are commensurate to my own feelings I put your feelings at the same part as my own feelings we are important that means the relationship is a separate entity and I'm going to treat it with respect dignity compassion care giving and passion but we'll talk about that in a second we are important I've got your back look you need a ride at the airport at three in the morning because you're catching one of those early flights I'm going to get in the car to take you there you need something I've got your back I want you to think about that I've got your back that's such a powerful statement to know that you're in a relationship with someone who's going to be there for you when you need them I'm not going anywhere that means I'm committed look it for better for worse richer poor sickness and health I'm going to be there I'm not going anywhere I'm committed to this relationship and lastly I only want to be with I only want you that means look I might see a playboy every now and again I might look at an Instagram every now and again but I'm not looking to be with those women and I was kidding about the playboy but because I don't even get that magazine anymore but I only want you you're the only person I want to jump in bed with and wrestle around and have fun and have juicy delicious sex together you're the only one I want from both my loins and from my heart I'm here you matter we're important I've got your back I'm not going anywhere and I only want you that to me is what healthy love is all about so when you're considering can a man fall in love I want you to examine the following questions because the capacity to love is a function of emotional maturity and more importantly or equally importantly is when someone has their act together when someone when the ground underneath a person isn't solid it's very difficult for them to genuinely love another human being we might do it from a dependent place but not from an interdependent place and just a minute I will share in a couple minutes I will share you questions you should be asking early on in the dating process maybe even before a first date but some of the most important qualities of a relationship is first identify both people identifying what needs are most important to them in a relationship the whole point of being in a relationship with another human being is that to you have a need and this other person is going to be a contributor to that need for example I have a need for closeness I have a need for reciprocity I have a need for trust I have a need for respect I have a need for physical intimacy and emotional intimacy and I have a need for play these are just a few of the needs that are so critically important in my life and I invite you to write down those needs that are important for you in your life I think another factor to consider is to know your strengths and weaknesses to know your strengths and weaknesses and how this plays into a relationship we often call these roles but to know what your strength is to know what your weakness is I think of my mother and father my mother was a wonderful cook my father took care of the bills that was their roles in their relationship they each knew their strength they each knew their weaknesses for example I'll be candid with you my weakness is I'm a terrible social planner I would love to relinquish that role to someone else who's good at doing that because I'm a good follower in that case if you want to plan a hike this Saturday I'm up for it if you want to go to the ballet I'm up for it you just make the arrangements that's my weakness my strength is developing the emotional component within a relationship that happens to be a strength of mine I invite you all to look at your strengths and your weaknesses and be cognizant of that in the early stage of dating certainly your capacity to be emotionally self-aware and to be able to handle to be able to regulate your emotions when there there's conflicts that's a critically important skill to have in a relationship and someone's capacity to love is going to be predicated on their capacity to resolve conflicts in a relationship I think a factor we don't talk about but money is energy money is energy and money plays a role in relationship so I think it's important to have healthy honest conversation about money instead of the grand expectation that it's a man's role to cover everything especially for those of us in midlife given that midlife roughly 75 percent of single men and women out there are divorced comes with divorce alimony child support you know a lot of financial factors play into the health of a relationship and so I think having an awareness around money is rather critically important instead of being naive about this I'm inviting you to think about these things even before you go on another date with somebody certainly someone's spiritual capacity plays a role in excuse me someone's spirituality plays a role in how they love in how they love and how they can be in relationship do you have a connection with something be greater than yourself do you have so do you have a connection with your higher self whatever that looks like for you I think it plays an absolute role in someone's capacity particularly for those of us in our 40s 50s 60s and even 70s and then I'm about to share this in a little more detail but what does commit we're going to talk about commitment plays a huge role in this factor and more importantly where does someone view their vision of their life what's their direction of their life do two people have a shared vision do they have a shared understanding of commitment and so here are some critically important questions I invite you to ask of a man early on to determine if he can fall in love with somebody can he fall in love love first question this is no particular order okay do you want to build a life with somebody do you want to build a life with somebody do you want to build a life with somebody and if you if the answer is yes what does that look like see somebody could say yes but then they don't until you actually have to describe what that looks like most of you know who follow me and watched enough of my videos I always say the same thing I'm looking for a relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in our personal our professional life intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together getting married I want to build a life with someone I've created the blueprint you are welcome to borrow my blueprint okay you go back and rewind this do it at a slower speed and write it all down okay but I like to think that's a pretty good blueprint of what it looks like to build a life with somebody the second the next question this is so this is the most important question for a man if he can fall in love because this is as uh Rabbi Manus freedom says is the essence of what it is to be a man in relationship and that is do you want to take care of somebody do you want to take care of somebody this question probably is going to turn off 90 a man from even wanting to explore a relationship with you because a significant percentage of men aren't really in the capacity to take care of someone or they don't want to do it if a man doesn't want to take care of someone and if a woman doesn't want to you know a woman can't it's not about financially taking care of it's about do you do you are you willing to go to the doctor's appointments with me when i'm getting older are you going to be by my side if i'm you know i'm going through chemotherapy you're going to wipe the vomit from my face i'd learn this in my last significant relationship what all in meant was for better for worse i want to take care of someone and what that looks like is going to be different it's not always monetary it can be emotionally it can be physical and the last question i invite you to ask a man going forward is what makes you think you're ready for commitment what makes you think what makes you think you're ready for a commitment if someone asked me that it's because i've had three significant relationships and in each relationship i learned so much about myself and my capacity but what makes me ready for commitment is i know i'm capable of going all in with somebody i'm capable of going all in with somebody and that's what makes me think i'm ready and you have to ask all of these questions for yourself as well do you want to build a life with someone what does that look like do you want to take care of someone what does that look like or how does that look and what makes you think you're ready for commitment these are some critically important questions that will give you an indication if this man is even capable of falling in love and why shouldn't we be asking this on the first second or third date why is everybody so afraid of deeper questions because here's the dilemma you can get attached to someone who answers all of these questions wrong all right when i say the word wrong not in alignment with you and boy when you've gone into a relationship like that it's a real clusterfuck in my opinion there's a lot of sunk cost in there and you can when i mean the i said clusterfuck what i really mean is the emotional bankruptcy that happens when you've given your heart to someone who isn't capable of falling in love and i think i've given you a pretty fair outline if a man over 40 can fall in love the type of things you should be considering going forward is this sinking in is this resonating please let me know in fact someone just posted it are they capable of falling in love ask these questions do you want to build life with someone what does that look like do you want to take care of someone not necessarily monetary what what makes you think you're ready for commitment are you can be capable of going all in thank you to our facebook member for posting that i certainly do appreciate that hey if what i just shared sparks some curiosity or questions for you post a comment below i'd like to hear your thoughts as always if you find value in this video please hit that like button please share this video please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos and if you want to connect with me right there's a link to a discovery call to see up working with the coaches right for you all the links below to join my group called midlife love mastery to follow me on instagram to get all the books i recommend are listed below all right it's time for q and a if you have a question write the word question then post the question thereafter or you can purchase there's a purchase a super sticker super chat there's a little dollar sign the chat box all the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son connor asley that's a picture of him there right there with his brother collin he's my son who passed away over five years ago and his honor we donate to causes like the hoffman process insight institute just to name a few places and also scholarships on coaching as well all right so if you have a question write the word question our goal tonight is fifty dollars let's get to fifty dollars tonight i'd appreciate the love all right wow we already have a busy group in the house julie says is netflix and chilling quality time is that a good start for a relationship i guess it depends um you know i don't think we should underestimate leisure time in a relationship i think there's a value to it it's not all look it it's funny i lived with someone and we used to only go out once a week um now we went actually but we found fun going to casco together we used to go grocery shopping twice a week um we oh my god we binge watch all the uh the 90 day fiance's and stuff like that but yeah there's value in doing that but i would say your your relationship needs to be more than one dimensional you know i would say having something more than that would be um probably a i have greater chance for success so yeah but i like i'm i'm good with netflix and chill melanie says these are questions i'll be asking tomorrow please let us know how it goes um in our next live chat Rachel can a man love you after one day and a few weeks of getting to know you he's 2.5 hours away so it's difficult to see each other here's my definition of love i'm here you matter we're important i've got your back i'm not going anywhere i only want you okay that's my definition do i think that can happen after one day no i think it's just ludicrous to believe otherwise could infatuation and limerence happen after a first date apps a fucking lute lay absolutely but here's how i define love we will that man that this first date man be sitting by your side if you're going through chemotherapy on your second date and he wiped the vomit from your face that's my definition of love so if you think he's actually going to be there if you've gotten a terrible car accident is he gonna be by your side i highly doubt it you guys haven't built the deep roots of trust takes time to build the deep roots of thrust deep roots of trust of thrust of thrust um deep roots of trust to deep roots of trust to blade no um does anyone get that little reference no i just don't believe that's the case but does could you feel limerence infatuation absolutely and the fact that you're two and a half hours away means you've got a already problematic relationship that's going to put a lot of emphasis on the need for chemistry because it's going to be difficult to build the deep roots of trust that's just my opinion anyway onica it's in the house what is the difference between being in love infatuation attachment how can i know the difference between these for myself and the man i'm dating you know this is the billion dollar question sometimes because what we believe is love is oftentimes unhealthy attachment what we believe is love is infatuation you know i quantify love is will this person be by my side when i'm going through tough times that's how i quantify love that's how i that's because i i don't think you can look at it well first off we can be attached in an unhealthy way so maybe it's not just that either you know what i guess the best way i can describe what it feels like to me is i can be my authentic self and i know they're not going to run away that's to me maybe the i mean that's my definition of it i i i can be my authentic self and they're not going to run away that's a scary place to be sometimes but that's my definition anyway hope that helps you that helps you hey margaret oh my god 15 dollar super sticker that means we have 35 more dollars ago margaret you are an angel if i can reach into the camera and give you a big gigantic jonathan bear hug i appreciate every single time we do a broadcast you are always contributing thank you from the bottom my heart let's get that up there everyone thanks she just showed us the way let's keep going bump bump bump bump bump let's see okay power of chi is in the house jonathan have you ever been interviewed on louis house show school of greatness if not would you like to i would it would i would be awesome to see i would love to be on louis house interview if anyone has a connection to louis house school of greatness i would love to be able to talk about dating over 40 50 and 60 year olds because sadly i don't see i watch his stuff all the time and i wish they would speak to our demographic so if you have a connection please folks if you do me a favor go to his uh blog say you need to interview jonathan asley will you guys help me get on louis house i'd be so grateful sherry real love correlates with trust and commitment i agree bump bump bump uh power chi also says it would be an awesome interview i hope so uh melanie says and this is sad she says unfortunately my car accident led to a divorce because he couldn't be there for myself and our children you know some people don't have the capacity they don't have the emotional capacity to handle challenging circumstances they we we human beings are rather indoctrinated is that we want everything spoon fed for us so i'm not surprised that happened melanie and i'm genuinely sorry that happened for you as well jane spit oh by the way if anyone wants to join the hot seat i would love it if i just put a link right there if you want to be live with me i'd love for someone to join the hot seat i think tonight and i'll try to be nice okay jane spitfire is in the house is it a good idea to date a man 10 years older saying searching for a life mate and be looking good when when with him well i don't know i i don't know why it would be a bad idea i guess the question is why is that why would you think it's a bad idea i mean i don't understand i think listen i think as we age it's much more difficult to because if we're if the days in front of us are shorter than the days behind us and we want as many days as possible i can understand why dating someone could older could be a reservation for both genders i think it's one of the reasons why men go with younger women i think i see women yet going with younger men as well you've got to do what's right for you jane you got to do what's right for you i don't know the downside though hey onica just gave us a five dollar super sticker that means we have 30 more dollars to go tonight thank you so much madison i recently told recently told by a guy that he couldn't be himself around me but he wouldn't explain thought well my suspicion is he has okay there is this is one possible okay there is a belief that when a man shows insecurity to a woman that he will reject him and leave him now this actually happens a significant percentage of time percentage of the time so there are some men believe that if they are genuinely vulnerable with a woman that she might reject him okay she might reject him so um i think that's one possible reason why he said he couldn't be himself because he's probably has some insecurity or fears or a vulnerability and he fears you might not you might not respect him you might not appreciate him look at i sometimes uncontrollably fart okay i guess it's controlled um i know that that's not very appealing okay and i know that if i do it on a virtual basis i might piss someone off so but when i'm by myself i could care less i mean i'm i'm being kind of i'm using an idiotic example but truthfully it's kind of a reflection of sometimes our bad habits that we are fine by ourselves isn't appreciated by someone but what i'm really talking about in this case madison is most likely he doesn't feel safe to be vulnerable because he's been hurt in the past when he's been vulnerable with someone that's a possible explanation and he doesn't want to explain it to you sherry says agree with jonathan and louis house yes please everybody tell and send them send them a note email them post comments on his videos that he should have me on oh rachel was kind enough to give us a five dollar super sticker that means we have 25 more dollars to go tonight all right um bum bum bum kathy says being there for you during chemo is a huge indicator of depth or even existence of his love my ex only went to one treatment with me 33 years married you know i'm going to share something with you um in my most significant relationship i met her in may of 2022 and it lasted 14 months right on our not on our we talked on the phone for over a year just on and off of like seven or eight times before we physically met and during meeting she shared with me a medical condition she had and and now is this a life-threatening condition no but it it could be problematic um and i spoke to a girlfriend about it and and she says well aren't you really concerned you know um that could be a big deal at some point in life and what was interesting was i didn't seem to care that wasn't aids okay that one i probably would have cared about way more um you know but it wasn't that i'm not saying it was that but it was something else it was something to do that could be a little bit problematic but you know what i knew the value in this person beyond the physical limitation and sometimes your heart looks past all of the garbage and says you know what even if the ride oh makes me cry even if the ride is short i just want to go on the ride with this person oh my god okay uh i better change the subject real quick or i'll start balling onica's back in the house if he tells me that he loves me but is not in love with me and still wants to be with me is that a user or spender when i doubt it's a user user or short-lived guys um you know we can i think when we say i love you but i'm not in love with you to me that means i care for you but i'm not all in and that's the reason why that's known as a spender is because they want companionship connection and sex but they most likely can't fully commit to you that's you know in love is a such a radical intangible i think it's sometimes rare that two people are genuinely in love with each other i think sometimes it happens for one person but when two people are genuinely in love with each other this is how they feel they feel like they got the better end of the deal i got the better end of the deal no she's like no she's got the better that she says i've got the better end of the deal no i've got the better end and end of the deal that's how i see that but yeah it could be a spender and folks if you're not from if you're brand new to my channel you're not familiar with spenders it's a chart of three types of people actively dating this is not a fact it's merely an opinion there are users roughly 20% of the population those are the short they seek short-term gain love bombers players gold diggers entitled people selfish people only caring about themselves then over here at the other end 20% of the population are grower builders they seek long-term commitment they're emotionally grown up they have good relationship skills they have their act together in the middle the spenders representing 60% of the population they seek companionship connection and sex but they have uncertainty fears fearful usually have a dysfunctional life makes it as I went back to this broadcast before emotional maturity and having your act together are critically important foundations to be able to genuinely be in love with somebody bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum Julie's back in the house should a man in his 50s realize it's time for him to pick a girlfriend well every human being can do whatever he wants what do you care about a man in his 50s if you're talking about a specific man not everybody has to be in relationship you know what matters most to me Julie what do you realize for yourself what do you really folks stop ladies stop worrying about the men focus on yourself everything I share is equal for men and women alike I want you to focus on what your needs are let's focus on that leaf says recent news is there's more STDs and seniors and younger people suggesting insist on seeing legitimate doctor run tests yeah but you know what herpes nowadays is no big deal I mean for the most part and gonna re encephalus you can take a pill to get rid of me literally can take a pill for that yeah one in three people have herpes but bowtruck solves that pretty easily not doesn't cure it but it's not it's rarely ever going to be disastrous that's just my opinion on that okay Sherry Fleming says do will you do a request to a podcast I've done it I haven't been his staff hasn't gotten back to me maybe if you all bug him if you go on his YouTube channel said you should interview Jonathan Azley and someone else says you should interview Jonathan Azley Julie says you're hilarious Jonathan you make my day but Jonathan I didn't I finally took me 40 minutes to do the butt Jonathan give me something where I can give me something juicy where I can do the butt Jonathan but Jonathan they have an STD no onica is in the house when he says he loves me but is not oh you already did that awaken love free yourself says Jonathan I appreciate your vulnerability is in this it makes me more confident to interact to find I am so happy to hear that thank you so much leave says you were really supportive to Marie even with her bad shoulder oh god I forgot about the bad shoulder yeah you know like we were a team I really appreciate that hey Tracy just gave us a five dollar super sticker that means we only have 20 more dollars to go tonight thank you for the love Tracy bum bum bum bum bum Tracy says you are always keeping it real I love that you know I got emotional for a moment because I don't think I really it's funny did you ever see sex in the city the first episode of sex in the city the last scene is where Carrie is talking to Mr. Big and he said she asked him have you ever been in love and he said apps a fucking loot Lee does anyone remember that scene I think it was the first episode last scene of the first episode I don't think I really felt the kind of all in love with my two previous relationships in other words my marriage or my significant relationship after my divorce and I think it makes me emotional in that for the first time I really wanted to take care of somebody and so can a man fall in love yes I think when a man says I want to take care of you that is one of the most beautiful expressions of love and so I think I needed to experience that so I could be ready for that in my next you know whether it's my next incarnation in life or in this journey of my soul's journey or for my next relationship I had to be prepared to go all in and I'm grateful that Marie and I had this experience so I could open my heart because I think I had a closed heart for 50 years and I'm just grateful that my heart opened at least as far as it could open within that relationship anyway I'm really emotional over this so please forgive me but Trisha's in the house nice guy I've been seeing three months no sex recently revealed he has herpes I appreciate the honesty but I don't know what to do because I really like him and he's been great folks I'm gonna tell you something I probably have slept with a half a dozen or more women who have had herpes and I never got it okay I'm just gonna own it I know for a fact I never got it herpes isn't a big deal let's it really isn't now you may think it is I don't see it as a big deal I know a lot of people who have it I know I have married friends who have it I know I've married friends who have had children who had it it's just a virus it's like I mean a little bit more of a pain the ass than COVID in my opinion okay that's just my opinion Patricia you can take it for you know you can take it for whatever okay let's keep going bump bump bump living large coaching and counseling says it's almost inevitable if you're together long enough you wind up taking care of each other financially indeed indeed one of my Facebook member groups is in the house Jonathan you're absolutely you are absolutely right Jonathan as a we need to focus on ourselves I was focusing and worrying about him and it was making me weary so now I focus on me it will happen if it's meant to be indeed I don't know what the goose bumps are for but I'm happy you got them let's keep going Tracy's in the house what do you consider to be your biggest life lesson oh wow if you're talking about me so this is this will take me a little while to share and I'm gonna share this with the hopes that this invites you all to be introspective so many of you know I lost a child which was the which birthed the book what the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work and losing Connor broke my heart open in so many different ways in some ways he's been my greatest teacher but I recognize that the real journey to self-love began 15 years earlier when or not 15 years earlier 14 years earlier no 13 years earlier excuse me when I lost my high-end paying corporate job I was going through a divorce and I got wiped out in the market crash of 2008 and 9 okay I was 40 years old okay my identity was crushed my identity was crushed and I was in the pit of despair for a decade I mean I would say a good part of my 40s I was in the pit of despair folks I used to live in a 2.2 million dollar home and after all this I had to move in with my mother and father in a 1000 square foot condo in a retirement community with a bunch of at that time felt like I was in my 40s and it felt like a bunch of old fogies you know 80s and 90 year olds and 60 year olds and 55 year olds and I being in the pit of despair I used to go to bed wishing I didn't wake up and I had two small children at the time I went to bed wishing I didn't wake up and I had one mantra it's actually Walt Disney's mantra keep moving forward just keep moving forward just keep swimming you know Dory just keep swimming just keep moving forward just every day just try a little bit more each day just try a little bit more each day just a little bit like even one millimeter and during that course of time I was I mean it began the journey of who I am today look at who I am today I'm reaching 180,000 plus people through YouTube I've helped thousands of people find love in their life I get email after email and messages and letters and cards and gifts from so many people saying Jonathan you made a difference in my life and folks I went to bed wishing I didn't wake up for almost a decade so the lesson was first I had to fall down to find out who I really was could I get up so by the time my son passed away 13 years later or some years later excuse me I was able to handle what most people will tell you that will take them down and they never recover I know so many parents who lose children they never recover from it I went through hell before Connor passed away we all have the capacity to get up when we fall down and that's my invitation for everyone thank you for allowing me to share I appreciate that alright let's keep going please forgive me I'm just searching through the by the way does anyone want to join the hot seat and give me some love directly right now I really would appreciate that all right let's keep going Kathy says so glad you soldiered on I appreciate your vulnerability and all you share here thank you so much someone wrote that herpes goes dormant after 10 years I believe that's to be the case as well Sharon says I can relate Jonathan I was on a hundred acre ranch second divorce exit after that in the late 40s my oldest of three sons died unexpectedly that heartbreak paramount to divorce and heartache God heals oh I'm sending you off with a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug I'm so saddened to hear that there are no words there are no words you're in my prayers right now just keep swimming there you go by the way Laura says please hit that like button right now if you this is resonating with you please hit that like button folks I'm here to tell you there are men that can fall in love there are women who can fall in love that is out there that is out there for all of us they folks sometimes I feel like a cynic I feel like such a cynic and many of you appreciate me because of my realism but I'm gonna tell you something I got to witness a group of guys this past weekend who genuinely love their wives and their girlfriends and I mean this sincerely there are good men out there there's just a lot of bad daters and a lot of people who just don't look as good as they get older but there are a lot of good people out there Kristen says can you do a video about rebuilding but more professionally and financially the self help stuff is of course joined to but like to hear about the whole story yes I can okay I'll do that okay Melanie's back in the house I am sabotage cushion am I sabotaging thinking of losing my looks at 53 to his 41 before he even has wrinkles he professes love and often asked how did he get so lucky to find me I don't know if yourself sabotaging excuse me sabotaging I was in a relationship with a woman who was 10 years older than me in this case you're 12 years older I think she had a fear of that that's a very and by the way I was 46 when I met her and she was 56 you know there's a isn't there isn't there a Keanu Reeves movie with with Charlize Theron where she's gonna die and she only has a month or two to live I don't remember the name of the movie it could be the other way around you know my relationship with Marie lasted 14 months I'm sad that it's over but you know what I am grateful for every fucking moment of those every single day every single hour and it didn't go the distance and I'm still okay that's how I feel about it anyway and I invite you to look at it that way as well okay bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump oh Gigi says embrace plastic surgery I'm not always convinced about that but I can appreciate that Rachel says Jonathan I'm so glad you kept going and now you're helping you know it's fascinating folks could you imagine if I let my depression get the best of me and I was no longer here I am grateful I'm grateful to all of you oh by the way the movie was called sweet November it looks like looks like Patricia says it's called sweet November the one I was speaking of so yeah you know what I am so grateful to make a difference I listen I you know why I do this because you're my company during the day I'm by myself all day long I get this is believe it or not I'm so animated because I feel like I'm actually talking with you all I love it's like I have a conversation with a hundred people in a room this brings me joy so thank you for allowing me to enter your life's the way I do because this brings me a lot of joy power cheese is Jonathan Asley question are there any single quality men in your men's group I happen to be that one of the single guys most of them are coupled there's a few guys but most of them it started with the women the women are how this group got organized so that's how how I met everybody in the group was through my previous relationship so the unfortunately fortunately for me or unfortunately me I'm the only single guy and there's a few women who are who are single as well but we're just we're like we're brother and sister to each other rebel says thank you Jonathan for sharing your emotions within your heart oh I appreciate that thank you so much Kristen did go on to say by the way herpes can be dormant for 10 years not the other way around I don't know anyway didn't know what I said but Gigi wants to say great men's video today thank you so much folks there are so many good men out there I don't want you to give up on men I get it it's frustrating it's challenging but there are good men out there they exist they have a capacity to fall in love if I have a listen folks I was the biggest train wreck after my divorce and if I can do it you can find that guy just like me they exist it's got to look in the nooks and crannies sometimes Sharon says thanks power chief power of love sweetheart Jonathan so fun and real brings me joy hope to listen I'm grateful and ready for whatever amazing love is coming my way can I get an amen don't forget I do have a men's channel as well Laura's in the house I have a guy who is absolutely obsessed with me in love I don't feel the same way about him but I feel so guilty oh oh what's blocking you if something's blocking you what is it let's send her some good vibes maybe things can turn around for the two of you maybe you can explore maybe hire me for a moment by the way you be surprised hire me for one session I might be able to help you turn that around or there's a block inside of you that needs to be healed Julie says your video is the highlight of the day thank god you do these oh you're very welcome um oh a girl's life says update to my question from last live chat the guy was referring to posted pics of him with two women after I texted never contact me again I'm blocking you well that's weird he the guy referred to posted pics of him with two women after I text never contact me again I'm blocking you well who cares what he does we don't give a shit what he does we care more about what you do okay all right Maureen says maybe a group of single men you know you know unfortunately most of my male friends are taken I I feel like I'm the only single one what's wrong with me what's wrong with me what do you guys think is wrong with me there's nothing wrong with me but what do you think what's what's my hang up maybe we should do a whole video on that what's Jonathan's hang up oh my god I just opened up a corner hornet's nest right now um bump bump bump bump bump um let's keep going here hey you know what I think this would be a good place to wrap up folks can a man genuinely fall in love absolutely what does it take for him to fall in love listen emotional maturity and having his act together it's difficult for anyone to genuinely fall in love with another human being if the ground underneath them doesn't feel solid okay it's just difficult to fall in love if the ground doesn't that's why men going through contentious divorce they're hung up on other people they've got professional issues going on they've got trauma drama going on their life it's difficult unless the ground underneath them is solid and they have a level of emotional maturity that they can lean into the most important aspect of a relationship and that is can I take care of this human being because when you can reach that space of saying I can take care of someone you're in a capacity to actually fall in love with another human being that's my perception that's my story and I'm sticking to it tonight hey I'd like to hear your thoughts on this video post a comment below I do my best to read them all in the first 24 hours if you like this video please hit that like button please share this video please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos also if you want to connect with me links below to schedule a discovery call with me to join my group called midlife love mastery to find me on instagram to get the books I recommend to get my dating vows all listed in the show notes and in the first comment all right we're going to wrap up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic child of America self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it we could all use more love in our lives I want to thank awaken love free yourself sherry margaret margaret thanks for the donations by the way still time to donate before we wrap up tonight sherry uh alayna tracy power of chi kathy barbara marianne uh rebel melanie uh molly living large coaching and counseling uh rev already said rebel a girl's life kathy julie everyone laura thank you all for the love wishing you a super duper wonderful fantastic evening you be well bye now