 Good morning, we are here again with you to take you through the topic of the day on MCM, that is Man Crush Monday. It's been, since morning we've been having a good conversation from the morning when we went to the Chambua magazine and then there was some discussion on cohesion and national values and we are here, this is White 5-4, we are at White 5-4 in Twitter and in Facebook. The question is already there, the topic we are going to discuss is just a friend, just a friend, is there a possibility that a lady and a man can be friends without any strings attached, just a friend who meet somebody, this is just a friend. You know we are discussing this because yesterday was National Friendship Day and in some countries like USA it's called National Girl Friends Day, so this is what has inspired this topic, it is possible, is it possible for friends, for one to be a friend, to a lady to be a friend, to a man without any strings attached. And with me to help discuss this or demystify this are two great people here, a lady and a gentleman, they are going to introduce themselves, let's start from Voke. Why don't you start with them? Because I want to break the norm of ladies fast, today is MCM, so I've given you opportunity to start today. Thank you for having me, my Yudu ma nama names are Hurinda Kevin and you can also call me Voke Bazenga, I have a YouTube channel, my YouTube channel name is Voke Bazenga, Voke Bazenga on Twitter, Voke Bazenga on Instagram, Voke Bazenga on Facebook, all social media platforms. Voke what do you do? I do a lot of things, I am an MC and I am a content creator and also I am a child of God. Oh nice, nice to have you and then there is a queen, you tell us elaborately about yourself, you look a bundle of joy, you tell us your name now. My name is Joy Khamuyu, I am just in my last semester in Daystar Communication. I love God so much, in terms of occupation, I am a content creator and I am also an actress, but lately I have not been acting, so yeah. You are social media handles? My social media handles, Instagram is Joy Robin755, my Facebook is Joy Robin Nemo. Yeah, these guys are saying they love God, both of them, Voke says he is a child of God, Joy says she loves God, I also love God. You can notice that my voice is a bit gunkidogo, I sang, I went to Wote with Kwaia Makua Boy, I went to Wote in Ukambani and sung my voice out, so that's where my voice has gone to. So on the set today are three children of God. Wow, we should start preaching here. Of course we should. Okay, now to the topic of today, let me come back to the rule of ladies first. What is your opinion about cross gender friendship? Do you believe that a lady and a man can be friends, friends just friends without any strings attached? Yes, it is very much possible, I actually have two best friends. One of them actually comes home even at nine to see my mum, but my mum really, and I'm shukusa na, like, mimi butiwa na na huyo pijana, sita puja haresie, please, please, please. And so she's concerned, he's a good guy, they get along very well. At times when we don't have a driver and they also don't want to drive, she calls her over na mpeleka airport, katia renda job binge, you know. And then they have bonded and she's come to accept the fact because there's also some pep talk with my sister. She's like, nimo, nojo mama lini lisa kama nyukulim na dech na na ni. And I'm like, ah, sata mu nimombia nini. And they also know it's an open relationship, it's an open talk. And yeah, she just came to settle for it. Like, saha wakama kuna usiyano, it's okay. Like kini arusiyeniwe that I am not attending. Did you say they are too? Yes, they are too. And you are that close to both of them? Yes, I am. Are you sure there is no string attached? No strings attached at all. It's high, high, high. I don't want to mention their names. Asiva, it's innovated that he wants the friendship to move to another level. Both, any of them. No, of course there are those jokes like, sileoni kukule. And I'm like, yo bro. Know your limits. Know your lane, you know. Please. No, I can't. I just can't. We'll get back to you. Give us your opinion about this. Personally, I used to have a best friend back in the day. Back in the day, I used to have a female best friend. With no strings attached at all. But we no longer talks. How did it go? How long were you friends? For a long period, since primary. Since primary, everybody goes to high school, in boarding school. Then we come back after fomfo. We are still friends. We did acting together back in Buruburu. I think now she's an air of stress at some local airline. But we don't talk like we used to talk kitambo. And for now, my best friend is my sister, my follower. Night, wherever you are, I know you're watching. But I'm not a good friend. She is my best friend. I can't say I'm a good friend. She is my best friend. I can't say I'm a good friend. I can't say I'm a good friend. She can't say I'm a good friend. What is that you have to do? I'm a good friend. But she is my best friend. My sister. Okay. No, that is special because you guys are related. But let's go back to this air of stress person now. Okay. Did you do something cheeky that made her retract? What do you mean by something cheeky? Getting progresses like what Nimo told us. Because, okay, let me get you to research. Somebody said on research, and this is science. I said science, I've been saying here since morning, that you should not contend with science. You have to spend to make sure that this works. Somebody said that men and women can't be friends. If you think you have a friend of opposite side, after reading this, you should think again. A study at the University of Wisconsin shows that friendship between men and women is fairly recent phenomenon like it's not been there. And that it's impossible to escape from moments of seduction and opposite sex tension and attraction. Little research has explored how men and women navigate platonic, cross gender relationship or friendship, which are presumed to involve either mambuna bedroom and all of that and maintains that friendship, which is presumed to... Like this ecologist is saying that it is impossible. Okay, he got to figures, this is what I was looking for. Scientists studied 88 friends' couples of the opposite sex and concluded that men were more physically and sexually attracted to their female friends and tend to overestimate how these women saw them. So he says, in a friendship between a man, a lady and a guy, men tend to think like, will one day date something like that. Did you go that direction? You know, I have a pastor friend and this pastor friend always tells me that that person whom is a lady friend of yours and you called one another best friend, mta kuja ko wa nasu kumoja. Ama, lemi me rephrase this statement. Monyotawa ni best friendi ako. The person you gave maritu is your best friend. So back to your question. About the opposite sex, that best friend of mine that I used to have, I think we used to go out sometime, maybe after our sessions we used to go out, have maybe snacks together and baby share lunch together, but it never reached a point that there were feelings for me to add her. You were taking as a friend, as a sister. Totally as a friend. Let's come back to Nimo. Nimo, about your friends. You say that sometimes they got snitchi, sometimes thinking of extra friendship things. You have told us that it was just keep off. Are you sure you didn't have any feelings about them, about going south or beyond friendship? 100% sure. He actually tried it while we were in high school, went all the way to campus. I think it's also a matter of you should know where am I supposed to be with my bestie. Don't also put him in a compromising situation. Normally we go out every Sunday after church. We go out, have fun with my sisters, my friends. That's it. I wouldn't like to find him. I will never actually want to find myself and him in a house alone, doing a movie in a bedroom or in the sofa. Or you avoid private places. Yes, avoid private places. As much as maybe at times he compliments me, he says that I have very sexy eyes. You see the statements. Thank you. But at times I also tend to tease him, but always I'm an out of person with my bestie. No indoors. Okay. There's a question that I will ask both of you. I'm happy that I have both gender and sex. At the time you have a male friend. You also have somebody you love. What is his reaction? What is his take on your friendship with a man? Of course he won't take it lightly, because I also don't spend most time with that person that I love. I spend more time with my bestie apparently. I don't know how that happens, but normally I think because I am prone to making more friends and like when you with your boyfriend there and he just wants you to be attached to him, you should be there every minute. You should just be looking at him, more attention on him really. But when I'm with my bestie, I make new friends. I meet new people. So this guy is actually jealous of your friend. Of course he is. And it's making your relationship life difficult. I currently am not relating so my bestie. Don't you think the fact that Joy, don't you think that the fact that you are not dating now has been contributed by your friend who is not your intimate partner? No, it has not been contributed by him because he actually comes with his girlfriend. Today he is like na leo bai tewe usichome nifona mungine and he is trying to please me brozone. This time he actually brozone my sister. And my sister was so furious about it. I was like, bai tewe, hello nakuja na nani. So it's like that. It's normally on trips wherever na nyuki nyeru nyahuru riro. I want your take on this before you tell us your story. You take on what Joy has been going through and the fact that she is now not dating but has a friend. Nimo has made a statement that the bestie would say that you really have beautiful eyes. And there's a song by Don Jersey. He did it sometimes, but it's called crashing on my bestie. So the moment he tells you that you really have beautiful eyes, that means that statement sounds like he is crashing on you. Yes or no? True or false? Well, I don't know. It's up to him. That's not up to me. And so you should read between the lines. Probably compliments make someone feel loved or make someone feel this feeling something on me. At least for you, it's very clear that you are now a friend to your sister. Every girl knows that. How did you call her? Your sister? Night. Everybody knows including your girlfriend that night is your sister so nothing can happen. But now this airport guy, this airport lady, did it affect your relationship? The fact that she was your friend did it in a way bring some jealousy between her and the person you were dating at that time? Of course it did. That time she is my best friend. And then let's say another guy comes in and buys her a drink or holds hands or just what gentlemen do maybe gives her a space to sit. I would feel like jealousy in me. Of course she is my best friend and there is nothing between us but when somebody else does something naskiavi baya on a get. Naskiavi baya for real. Why and she is not your... I don't know. I think this is proving a point of this research. That 80% of men he interviewed at least were having some feelings some romantic feelings towards their best friends. At least for ladies in fact there is such a justify what you told me that for her she feels that it should just be friendship but this man is making advances. This man is making advances. We are back to you don't answer my question. My question was you were in a relationship, an intimate relationship and again you have a friend. Did your girlfriend now feel something negative about your relationship with this lady the friendship with this lady you had? This best friend of mine at that time I was in a relationship with another lady. Let me just give you the story. Yes the background. The lady that I was with had a brother and the brother had studied French he was really good in French and this air hostess best friend of mine was also good in French and we were neighbors we were close neighbors where I used to live and she used to ask me kwa kina beti brada kani fundisha French kidogo kidogo before she became air hostess at that moment they were having those French classes kidogo kidogo it occurred that this lady best friend of mine alianza kukuna feelings to the brother of my girlfriend That's a complex one. Nili have to kukunene kuku wachana na she already had a girlfriend and she was my best friend as well so nili kua like after all she's just a friend so I could go of course nili kiafibaya but I just had to let it go this is funny you have completely two different stories like opposite are you dating now? right now right now it's complicated I'm not why is it that both of you have friends from opposite sex and you are not dating like now you are not in relationship I'm not getting personal but I'm trying to prove a point that cross gender relationship cross gender friendship ruins real relationship and intimate life can you justify this Nimo because he had a female friend he currently has a friend though that is her sister now he has a rather complicated relationship in real sense in practicality means he is not dating something is wrong he is from a relationship if I'm not wrong and you in fact you are calling him love my love it takes on another sweeter it means you are not dating but you have a best friend who sees you in another spectacle don't you think it is now wrong we can conclude that it is wrong to have a friend of opposite gender no it's not wrong because if my best friend makes me comfortable when I give him my secret sote I don't even feel ashamed and I say by the way Leo don't you think it is wrong to have a friend who sees you in another spectacle and I think I'm crushing on him and he feels okay now at the end of the day he will love me really and yet my love is supposed to be my other best friend but I have this best friend when I say anything is just okay with it and I just stop dating infact I don't think I'll be dating anytime soon just take your bestie if he gives me happiness or me anything I can say not really awkwardly I'm not business why live in a dramatic situation and then what's next are you sure it's okay with it are you very sure that it's okay with you telling him that you are crushing on somebody are you sure me telling who you telling your bestie that you are crushing on somebody where is commenting about your big sexy eyes and all that that's up to him I think by the way in this conversation you may have the problem ask once you focus to this it's that Shots fire is it first having the problem allow me to ask Nimo a question Nimo you have this bestie of yours that is so tight has it ever occurred has it ever come to a point that probably you are in a boutique and you are fitting some clothes and are you like you make to a poor make to a covetous visually am maybe somewhere to a point that you have to undress in front of him I have not undressed in front of him but normally compliments me shazue I'm like hello mama okutia sa hello me tomu you know we have to chanyu we have to chanyu because we are sisters we are your brothers here that guy that guy wants you to be his lover ya ya because and you are saying your mama has a problem with it you know mama is much older than you I know why don't you think your mama is right when she says that this thing is heading somewhere because I also know what I am feeling it's me falling in love are you falling in love on my behalf I don't know what I am feeling I don't know what I am feeling what do you mean ok ok let's get to another level what do you think I want to use you typically as an example both of you what people are thinking other people say relatives she has talked a lot about her mama and sister what other people thinking as you are having a friend who is not of your agenda of course other people maybe when let me use nima as an example we are holding hands in the estate going to buy skuma wama mama estate what I conclude wale wana date ama the community or relatives will always conclude these people are dating at any moment you are seen together at any moment you are walking together in the estate they just conclude that don't you think that gives you opportunity to get a lover it's 50-50 because that lady will think that's her girlfriend and maybe will shut you out when you are crashing on her already you can add them Mr. Kidemunga ok to come here peer social media matters maybe we have done selfie together on instagram and the caption will be like yesterday happy girlfriend's day see they will be like oh and I have tagged her see they will be like ano kwa kwa manziake ama tuni Arif so they will go chambuaing nimo they will chambua and chambua then will be like ah I want to nima Arif nima what do your friend thinks about your friend your other friend your classmates your uncles and aunties what do they think about you and your friend well actually there is a time I will impost not at a second post no it was a meme and then I need his name mapo kwa caption kanika jinaa ke so na kwa screenshot kwa 2 mapia ya kwa status ok so you are really well really now so how should I even start explaining kwa even if you don't have many nisa ango jenia rusi ba and you are coming with that nia mokis watu na furai wa kiyonei wacha furai you know what is happening we both know actually and we also don't put him in a situation ma liyati na feel zibaya he knows we just does he have a girlfriend he has several girlfriends he says he has several girlfriends by girlfriend I mean the person in love with whom he has intimate relationship yes intimate relationship so he has many girls so you seem straight and that's nice I am so excited and you are ok with it like bestia ko anahana see like he said he will let him I am like back to the streets please we can't vibe have you ever and I want you to be brutally honest about this have you ever felt jealous about his girlfriends not at all maybe I am cold I don't know but I have never I just don't like some girls I just feel like so you do not love your bestie I love my bestie like a brother because I don't even have a brother so you see him as a brother and how come you do not dislike the fact that he has many girlfriends I only dislike the fact that he brings some girlfriends I feel like he brings them to you for approvals we go out with them I want us to go for an outing I am bringing one of my girls I am like now which one you know is he watching I am not sure he is watching me now you try you try Mnenda out let's say Roadtree yeah the girlfriend and yourself Mimi and my sister my kazi so there is no any other male friend there and you are alone maybe they are doing their romance like kushikana mkono aktembia and you feel nothing nothing happens to you and we work together you grab the other hand the hand ya ubeshite you know when you are out you just feel like he wants to feel good so bring your hand and the girlfriend is on the other side she is so complex okay let's get back to you okay you know we are different somebody said computer girls are from Mars we are very different we are different physically emotionally everything how do we spend time as friends like what do you do with your friend with your girlfriend a girlfriend that is with no strings attached how do you spend your friendship time what do you do nime kumbuka I have a friend but she is a friend she is a lady in fact she called me the other day asking me how come she is not on WhatsApp my number had an issue she used to call me to her place for sleepover she recently lost her seas and we went for the burial and that's where we started so close to one another and we didn't spend the same bed doing nothing on bed yes absolutely nothing are you sure I am very sure I am very sure nimo is laughing tell us what you think tell us what you think I have never even heard about it because you are laughing you are laughing a lot means ok let me put it this way you are besty can you spend a night like you are spending a night with your fellow lady you feel like she was taking us as a sister and no feelings can it be possible on your side also honey room this one can't be room can't be room never I used to think so I used to think like that as well I visited the same room with the lady and nothing happens but to my shock I think we played some games some cards some fun games until around 3 am then we just slept on the same bed baka subui after that after that lalatu kwa shuka kwa subui that's a rare case I think it's one in a billion it's one in a billion very rare but it's possible ok I want to take you through something here somebody opain the ten things that guys go through if you are a girl as a best friend if you have a girl as a best friend one he said everybody thinks you are together we have discussed that everybody thinks you are dating and two he says girls at clubs assume you are taken which we have addressed then number three he says and when you explain it's just a friend we have talked about the complications of I don't know you told us your life your friendship is complicated your relationship is complicated and these people think that maybe you are friends and now people think it's complicated and number four they say all your potential girlfriends are scrutinized fast if you want a girlfriend she will have to go through her panel for approval to say we are an actress we are a panel we are a panel she has said back to the streets and then there is all number five your friends will hate her friends your friends will hate this like your male friends will hate this girl they will not like her of course they will be taking most of your time or something and then number seven your guy friends will hate on her at the young lady were your male friends sitting on your friend yes they did they did several I remember the time and you said you were jealous about it of course I felt I felt friendship some of them no but I was jealous at what extent what is the worst that you did because of this the worst yes the worst of your reactions towards you are going against them hitting on your friend I don't think in the drama maybe me and somebody else called James were like Michael is a young lady and she is a girl and Michael is a girl but I don't know I don't know tell us your friend your bestie he also has some friends who are men are they hitting on you yes they are and he is a man try your luck if you hit on her it's likely that you will get hurt and okay number eight which is explaining we are coming back to a point that we have not explained well on how what you do together the fact that we are different but now let us go to number eight number eight says you have to maintain hygiene standard when she is around you know when you have a friend you are so different you have to keep some level of hygiene because it's different did you have problems with this when you have a friend with whom you are so different you have to keep some level of hygiene because it's different what are your problems with this you know maybe if Nimo is coming to visit and Nimo is my best friend yes I don't know if Nimo is the best friend I don't know I don't know if Nimo is the best friend excuse you depends on the level of friendship but Nimo is the best friend if Nimo is the best friend he will come through he will come through if Nimo is the best friend he is the best he is the best do you have problem with the behaviour of man and your friend like when you have hygiene I see water but I don't know if Nimo is the best friend I don't know but I know if Nimo is the best friend I don't know I can't even watch my boyfriend until I am in the car but I know I don't know if Nimo is the best friend so you will see I don't know I don't know but I know if Nimo is the best friend I can't say what are friends for Sii watu sa idea ma? Nisa watu sa idea na ya osha ni osha, osha irins, Then what will we be doing as a wash? Story, where would you do your talent in kwaisha? No, I also love playing poker. And if you're not sitting down with play poker, let's do something else together. Was she supporting you kwaizo mambuza nini? She was. She was. She was very supportive. We wash your clothes and do that. That time we were still out of high school. Not washing clothes, but maybe utensils and other things. Let's come to support. It's known worldwide that these other gender are dependent. When you're close to them, they will tell you they need airtime, they need blah blah, they need lunch, they need that. Is it the same when you have a friend with no stings attached, starting with you? Was she demanding things? Was she demanding that you support her with several things? Demands are there. Demands are there. Like, aki suni pelike tahao. Lipelike sayi sayi. Kenda tahao yun na lipa fea. Yun na lipa fea. Namke fika muna henda restaurant. Muna kula chipo. Kitambut kuna kula chipo apoli thuli za 30 bopa. Wendo na lipa. Mkirudi homebari nuona mlipeha ya. Demands are there. Demands are there. Of course they are there. You will find them. Is it right? Because I think it's your girlfriend you should be treating that way like the lover now. To that lover point, maybe during her birthdays is when you're going to treat her so specially like more than a friend. You'll just treat her like more than a friend but not a girlfriend. Just a friend who is a friend. We reached number eight. So number nine says she gets you in trouble. Like you can find yourself in a fight you didn't. Najiwa watu na nachokosa tumtuku sababu akuna masuul sarahut. Pinch tuku onda. Beu na behavior ya. Kichiza wubesti ya nga watu. Tuwangam baya. Ab didzi at a point get you in any trouble. Not really. Nimo kwa ni nimu na weka watu in trouble? I think the trouble I put by besting is hanging it on Namka. I feel I'm so much in the mood. Mudia? I mean the mood I'm in a good mood. That's in Godje. Namka trust me. I'm like hi baby boy. Na emu tini is a love. How was your night? I can't miss you know. I'm at a voice note and it just feels You're flirting with your friend. It just happens once in a while. So it never happened. Maybe I'm not a girlfriend yet. So it just opens my voice note. In fact I tell him Never put me on loudspeaker. I can't put you on loudspeaker. Never. Because I can't be vulgar at any time. It happens. So I think that is the only trouble I can put by besting. And you know what? I'm not such a GA. You just came to me and you are just besties at you are in the mood. And you have nobody to express your mood to because we are getting to conclusion. We are getting to conclusion that having an opposite gender as your friend is bad. Because you are going to ultimately break the good relationship your friend has. And you are also not in relationship because of this. You also must be very dumb to think that one day message will I mean I'll sit you down and say i do. I am in the mood to be with my besties and if you come here please don't do that. Please don't do that. Please don't do that. This girl says she can wake up someday and feel in a good mood and start sending emojis of love and I suspect she is just amatua Andi mtukiza yu lew mtu Ah! Kwa niyu leo? andi muka nukawa nukawa niya ki tanda Exactly mai po, katakapeo yukuku kuri jubile Luzu zuli, po wa yourzu begina afi But ni ki concluded ...we got in a good mood and you want to share that mood with me. Okay. Okay Nimo, say final word. This is your camera. Say final word to those who think they can have friends and keep friends of the opposite sex. One thing on this camera man. Well, yes, you can have a guy friend and zero intimacy, like I have my friend, I mentioned his name is Dave, shout out to you. Ya, so it's very much possible depending on your mindset and how you feel and what you want. So I don't find any begin. For the girls friends, you name a girl friend on poker, I am sorry if I will one day renew the relationship, I am sorry in advance. Because I am just a joyous person and I need joy everywhere I am. Okay, can you say something? Ya. I used to, I spent a lot of time on YouTube and I once watched an interview of Sanipe Itande. Sanipe Itande has a best friend by the name Joakali. He and Joakali are very good friends to a point that Joakali could visit Sanipe at her place and they watch soccer together, they play PS together and Sanipe's mom won't do anything. Sanipe's mom won't even think that there is something between Joakali and Sanipe, they are just best friends. And so what I want to say is, for you to have a, if you have a female friend or rather if you are a lady and you have a male friend, it's good just like I said in the beginning that a pastor told me that your best friend could one day be the person you'd get married to, could be. Not that he or she would be your spouse in future, but just maintain the friendship. Namasai dianem, peyana dom, peyana madenim, sa gana kulipana hao and everything. But if it works for you, if you have a friend of the opposite sex and it works for you, it's okay, carry it on. But if it has a bearing on your future, avoid it. I am very ill that my two friends are not currently dating, but they have friends of the opposite sex. If this will affect your future, please drop it. I'm going to get a side conversation with these two friends and advise them as their elder brother. So it has been a very good day. It's been a good morning since everybody who supported this, my technical team, Miriam, Rui, Sharon, everybody who made this morning show successful, shout out to you and my producers, Brenda and everybody Jeffrey. God bless you until we meet next time. Salute. You can say bye to your friends.