 The makers of Wrigley's Spearman chewing gum invite you to enjoy life. Life with Luigi. A comedy show created by Si Howard, directed by Mack Benhoff and starring that celebrated actor, Mr. J. Carol Nash with Alan Reed as Pasquale. Friends, the makers of Wrigley's Spearman chewing gum are glad to bring you life with Luigi because they feel it's a friendly, good-natured show that offers you relaxation and enjoyment. And you know, Wrigley's Spearman chewing gum offers you relaxation and enjoyment too. It's pleasant to chew on a smooth piece of Wrigley's Spearman for the year working, shopping, listening to your radio or doing just about anything. Wrigley's Spearman gum tastes good. It's refreshing and the good easy chewing gives you comfort and satisfaction. Now, Wrigley's Spearman chewing gum brings you Luigi as he writes another letter describing his adventures in America to his mama basco in Italy. The money they got to send to the government, how much they're going to live on and what they got to left. But to me, I'm going to try to be extra good American. I'm going to wait for March the 15th. Last January 1st, I'm going to make out my income tax and send it right in. I'm going to get empty pockets three months before everybody else. But I've got a good reason for not sending my money so fast to Mamma Mia because I'm no want to be guilty of what's called with the holding tax. By the time you receive this letter, Mamma Mia, that's going to be your birthday again. Happy birthday, Mamma Mia. I'm only wish I can send you silver candlesticks. I promise you when I left for the other country to come to America. But, well, is it going to have to wait for a little while? Anyway, I'm going to close you, find a birthday card which I'm buying a store specially for you. They don't have the kind of card they want, but you know with us, the feeling is a counter more than anything else. So don't look away to say, happy father's day. Anyway, I'm still going to try to get it something nicer for you, Mamma Mia. But to write it now, I'm leaving to my antique shopper for my night to school at Christ. Hello, Mr. Basko. I've got a registered letter for you. Thank you, Mr. Pustoff. Oh, Mr. Basko, you got any new stamps from Italy for my kid? No, but when I get it, I'm going to save it for you. Hey, this letter is to say, internal revenue department. What's that? Trouble. Trouble. Dear Mr. Basko, an internal revenue agent will call to see you tomorrow at 4 p.m. in reference to your 1951 attacks return. Mamma Mia, what do they want from me? I go right to now ask my night school to teach you Miss Balding. All right, class, let's come to attention. I'll call the roll. Mr. Basko, Mr. Howitz, Mr. Olsen, Mr. Schultz. Mr. Schultz, you're here. Aren't you going to say anything? What's there to say? I'm here, and that's all. Please, Mr. Schultz. Now, class, our lesson for today is on government. Who can tell me the three main branches of our government? Hey, I can't teach you. Good. What are they? Main branch, uptown, and downtown. No, Mr. Schultz, that's completely wrong. That's not even anywhere near- All right, all right, so I don't know how to deal with it. Will someone else volunteer to answer that question? The three main branches of the government. Now, if you recall, I gave you a simple formula for remembering it. Think of Washington and three branches of one tree. I'm just calling, I tried. Fine. The three branches. Yeah. Legislative, executive, executive, executive. Luigi, get off that branch before you break the tree. Please, please, Mr. Schultz. Legislative and executive are correct, Mr. Basko. Now, I'll give you a hint. The third department has to do with court. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, now remember. Legislative, executive, and judicial. Well, that's perfect, Mr. Basko. For that, you get a good mark. Now, if I remember correctly, I'll give you a hint. I'll give you a hint. Now, for that, you get a good mark. Never mind the good mark. Give Luigi a refrigerator. Mr. Schultz, please. Oh, yes, Mr. Olsen. The legislative department is to make the laws. The executive department is to carry out the laws. The judicial department is to try the laws in court. Well, that's very good, Mr. Olsen. I stayed up real late last night with Spaulding and I stood there very hard. And that's why I always answer your questions right. Oh, what a showoff. I hate a man who knows everything. Mr. Spaulding. Yes, Mr. Basko. I'd like to ask you something. Well, a little while ago, I received this letter from internal revenue department. Ah, internal revenue department? That's bad. Why didn't you pay your income tax? I'm going to pay my tax in Indiana way. That's two months ahead of the time. That's even worse, Luigi. They suspect you if you're too anxious. California Limited leaves at four jump on it. Mr. Schultz, please. They do not suspect you, Mr. Basko. The government is very grateful to anyone who sends in his tax money before the big rush. Well, if they're grateful to Mr. Spaulding, then why the government is sending a special amount to see me tomorrow? Luigi, maybe they want to thank you for being an early bird. Well, if they want to thank me, then why they don't send me a letter every time? So why they send in a man? I'll tell you why, Luigi, because they can't fit handcuffs into an envelope. Wait for me, Luigi. Oh, oh, my rheumatism. Oh, listen to me, Luigi. Oh, oh, I couldn't get $30 from my body on a used car lot. I shall say, huh? I shall say the income tax amount is a come at a matter of four o'clock. You think he's going to make trouble for me? Oh, my Luigi. Maybe you just made a little mistake and nothing will happen. You know what happened when I first came to America? I sent in my first income tax without anything written on it. Why? Because on the top it said return this income tax blank. Now, smile, Luigi. I'm trying to make you laugh. Yeah, but I should say, is there going to be some about their presence for my mom? If she's a find out, I'm going to travel with the government. Ah, don't worry, Luigi, smile. What can they do to you? Can they take away your money? Can they take away your clothes? Can they take away your business? Shall I say, can they? Tomorrow night you'll know if you ain't got it, they took it away. Luigi, my friend. Hello, Luigi. Hello, hello. Hello, post quality. Ooh, that's a matter for you, Luigi. You're walking around like a chicken with its tail between its legs. Post quality is a long story. You see, I'm going to get a letter from an income tax department and say, man, is it coming to an ticket shop tomorrow. So I'm going to take it tonight to school for help. Ms. Barling, as she says, there's nothing to worry about. But also, as I say, maybe trouble in the shoots is he's America to sound even worse. Oh, shall go to everybody but your friend, those who bring you from the older country, post quality. Luigi, why are you always running around every place of information when you could come right here and get the dope? Are you so right, post quality? Nobody's a bigger dope than you. That's a funny thing. When I say it, it's a come out of different. Luigi, you always are going to have a trouble with tax department because you ain't got what they call dependent. Dependent, what's that? Dependent, that's something a fellow's a marry so he should pay less taxes. Oh, I didn't know. Now, I'm going to show you, I mean, you best of friend, Luigi, I'm going to give you one of my dependents a free of charge. Oh, you will, post quality, who? My daughter Rosa. What do you say, Luigi? No, post quality. Rosa's a too fat for me. So what if she's away 250 pounds? You marry ordinary girl, you've got one dependent. You marry Rosa right away, you've got two dependent. I must very please, and I'll talk about Rosa, just to tell me why is the income tax a man are going to come up to see me. Why they come to see everybody, to get more money? Tell me, my big business man, how much money you send the government in January? $10. $10 as your trouble. Well, it's not very big a law. The e pluribus eunum attacks. The pluribus eunum attacks? Sure, sure. For men is the e pluribus eunum, for ladies is the she pluribus eunum. Yeah, but post quality, if this is American law, why is it written in a foreign language? Because it's especially for foreigners. They've got to pay you extra hundred dollars. A hundred dollars? A hundred dollars, ma'am. Post quality, when this law was passed. Just a half hour ago. Sure, didn't you hear it on your radio? No, ma'am, I didn't hear it. Oh, it's a no wonder. You ain't got FM. FM? Sure. That's the mean they broadcasts all about a far and a money. Your radio is AM. That's the mean they broadcasts all about American money. Yeah, but post quality, what am I going to do? I'm going to get a hundred dollars to pay this eunum attacks. Well, I'm not such a bad fellow. You know, post quality's got a big heart, always taking care of people he's like. Luigi, I'm ready to give you a hundred dollars and keep you out of Alcatraz. All you've got to do is marry Rose. What do you say, my son? Post quality, where is Alcatraz? All right, go ahead, be stubborn. You ain't got no credit at the bank. Where you going to get a hundred dollars? Well, I'm going to go to the loan company. I read advertisement and all the papers are to say, we'll lend you money. All you need is a co-signer. Well, I'm going to get a shoot, so he's going to sign it for my co. Get short, so see what I... Loan company, eh? Luigi doesn't know how to feel in between us. What do you want the shoots for? I'm your best friend. I'll sign it for you. Oh, Pascal, you don't listen to me? Sure, sure, I know a fine loan company. The happy finance company. They're born in the street, 800 block. You get down a fresh ticket in the morning, I've got to take care of everything of you right now. Now, go ahead, take a little walk. My boy, stop worrying. Thank you, Pascal, you're really a friend. Goodbye, Pascal. Hello? Happy finance company? A fellow by the name of Luigi Bosco is coming in tomorrow for a loan. I'm his co-signer, so give him all the money he's asked for. $100,000, even a million dollars. I'm good for it. Oh, pardon me, I've got to hang up now. My keeper is coming for me. What's my name? Pascuali, but around here, everybody's coming for me. And peep, peep. We'll return to life with Luigi in just a few moments. In the meantime, you know, friends, clean, bright teeth and a winning smile are mighty important and making a good impression on people. That's one reason that's such a good idea to chew a few sticks of delicious wriggly, spearmint gum every day. You see, chewing is more than just a pleasant pastime. When you sink your teeth into a piece of wriggly, spearmint gum, you're going to have to chew a few sticks of delicious wriggly, spearmint gum every day. When you chew a few sticks of delicious wriggly, spearmint gum, the natural chewing action helps cleanse your teeth, helps keep them looking bright and attractive. In this way, chewing wriggly, spearmint may help to improve the appearance of your smile. And that's a real advantage to you in your business or social life. So do what millions do. From time to time, every day, chew a stick of refreshing, delicious wriggly, spearmint gum. Get a few packages and always keep some handy. Let's turn to page two of Luigi Basko's letter to his mother in Italy. And so, mom and me, although income tax man is a company this afternoon to see me, I'm not so worried because I'm going to the loan company to buy a hundred dollars. Everything is a depend on this loan. So I'm going to fix myself up to look like a real rich man. I'm going to wear it for the first time. What do you give me when I left home? The blue ear muffs and the red tablecloth. The tablecloth is going to make a nice muffler. Also, I'm going to get a haircut because of me 20 cents. And I'm going to bite my fingernails all nice and even. Also, Barbara is selling me a special perfume. Very expensive because of me 10 cents and half a milk bottle. Oh, mom and me, believe me when I say with my haircut, the shave of my nails and my smell, nobody we ever buried in front of me. I'm going to have to go now and I get the money for the government. Excuse me, it's the happy financial company. That's right. Well, I'm going to make a loan from you. My name is Luigi Vasco. Vasco? Say, were you recommended by your friend, Mr. Pascuali? That's right. I'm going to get outside. I think I was a pushed. No, please, please, Mr. Maybe you had the wrong. I was talking about a fella who's a guarantee this is a loan for you. What did you say his name was? Vasco. This is the time I'm sure he's a push me out. I think maybe Vasco isn't helping me. He's a true monkey in my pension. Come on, mummy. That was the last chance to get $100 or $40. What am I going to do now? What am I going to do? I know. I know. I'm going to go right down to the income tax department. I'm going to wait for them to come to get me. I'm going to give them myself up for it. Come on, mummy. Hey, what's the bigger building? The Treasury Deputy. Such a bigger building. Just for that. Must be everybody is in a deputy to the Treasury. Well, you're always a good citizen of technology. Your hands are going inside, explaining everything to them. And I'm supposed to pay $100. I'm only paying $10 or $90 a short. Look at all those girls. They're working. And all the people are rushing around. They must be turning the whole place upside down and looking for my $90. Pardon me, please. I'm going to reach your basket. I give up. Why not? What are you talking about? Take a look at this. They've got a little beaver collar with a pile of buttons. Tell me, how much do you think it's worth? I'd say about $90. Take it. Goodbye and God bless you. Wait, wait, wait. Come here, come here, Mr. Look, I don't want this coat. I think you're all mixed up. Now just who are you looking for? For my... You need to come a tax man. Are you an audience? No. Just go to room 202 right over there. Oh, thank you. May I help you? Look, Mr. Taxaman, I've got a lot of trouble with my taxes. Well, everybody does. I'll try to help you. Now, did you make out a long form or a short form? I don't remember. It was about the ten inches along the six inches. Now, when you filled out your form, do you remember was it a 1040? I'm not too sure, but I think it was a closer to 12 o'clock. Never mind that. Did you use a tax table? Oh, no. I'm going to use a plan of kitchen. Mr., let's use this form as an example. Now, did you fill out something like this? Oh, that's the one. Yeah, that's right. Okay, okay. Now, are you a worker or are you in business? Well, I'm a worker, but it's not too much of a business. Well, that's not what I... Okay, let's take item two. Income. Now, just how much did you say you took in? Eight hundred dollars. Eight? You were in business and you made eight hundred dollars all year? Did you tell the truth? I didn't tell the truth. Well, eight hundred dollars isn't what you took in. How much did you take in? I'm only taking it four hundred dollars. I'm ashamed to put down a so little... It was very good, but I warn you, the department checks on everything. I don't know why people have trouble figuring out their tax. It's all down in black and white. Here, I'll read it. If your income was less than five hundred dollars, you may find your tax in the tax table on page four. This table, which is provided by law, automatically allows about ten percent of your total income for contributions, interest, taxes, casualty, losses, medical expenses, and miscellaneous. But if your expenditures and losses of these classes amount to more than ten percent, it will be advantageous to itemize them and compute your tax on page three. Do you understand that? Huh? If you don't mind, I'd like to ask you one question. Certainly, go ahead. Do you understand that? Let's read it again. If your income was less than... Exactly what did you come here for? Well, Mr. Taximan, I'm going to save you this letter. Let's see, it might be a clue. Hey, Mr. You'd better go right home, an internal revenue agent is coming to talk to you in about a half hour. No, that's it, that's why I'm coming to see you. Please, I'm always trying to be good American citizens. What government is it going to do to a man who has no pay as taxes? What kind of punishment is... Hey, gee, my friend. Hello, Luigi, hello, hello. Hello, post quality. That's a matter, little guy, but you post, you didn't get your loan? I mean, I can't understand why. Why is it worse than other post quality? Well, I'm... I'm a good income tax department, and a manager mixed me up with a shorter form, a longer form, a 10 or 40 o'clock. I'm going to tell him a kitchen, a tablet. He says it's a tax tablet. And then we have argument and... Post quality, what do you think he's going to say? What? That's a matter, would you, Luigi. That's a matter, you swallow a nannigote? Post quality, I'm going to swallow nothing, but I'm in the most terrible and trouble of my life. I think I'm going to disgrace everybody, American or governmental, because I'm not going to pay my tax, and my mom and me are because... because I'm... I'm not going to send a birthday present. Post quality, everything is no good. It's useless. Everything is useless. I'm not even going to get a friend. Oh, what are you talking, Luigi? Don't talk like this. I've got a friend. You've got me. I'm the most useless friend you've got. Now, look, you stop worrying because I'm going to pay you tax, and I send you mom a nice birthday present. Post quality, you're going to do all of this for me? Surely, little banana nose. Back up your troubles with your old bag and a smile. For anybody who's my son-in-law, I'm all the money bags of Post quality. Money's going to flow like a wire. Post quality. And a watch for somebody who's not your son-in-law. Pepsi Cola. It's going to be a pleasure. A disgrace on my rosa. Remember, revenue man's going to be here in a minute. Come on, let's pick up. All right, Post quality. You make me so happy. Luigi, you're a real fine Italian boy. You ask your father's permission before you run away with the girl. All right, Luigi. I'm going to call into the happy bride. Rosa! Rosa! Rosa, you're my little pigeon. Say hello to Luigi. Rosa. Well, Luigi, you ready to fly away with a rosa? How am I going to get it off the ground? Well, come on, children. We're going to make plans for the honeymoon now. I'm Mr. Wallace from the Treasury Department. I'm looking for Mr. Basko. Is he here? That's me. It's all right. All right, Mr. Treasury Department. I'm going to take care of everything. Luigi, you want a rosa? Go in the kitchen and bake a cake. Go out. I'm going to pay all your taxes. Hey, just a minute, Mr. Basko. I'd like to talk to you. You know, ordinarily, when there's a tax discrepancy, we send out a letter. But in this case, we decided to contact you personally. Well, I know, but I'm going to pay my pluribus unimataxi. Luigi, go bake. What? Mr. Basko, there's no such thing as an e-pluribus unum tax. What? Revenue man has arrived to Luigi. A half hour ago, this tax law was repealed. But, Basko, where you find this out? On AM or FM? Television. Now go on, Luigi, go. Just a minute, please. I'd like to finish my business here. Mr. Basko, you don't know the government. Any money? We owe you money. Here's a check for the $10 you overpaid. I'ma get the money back. Ha, ha! Imagine Luigi's overpaid as a tax. That's a stupid thing. But watch the dick, he's a good-hearted little fella. You know something, if I, Pascuali, was to get the money back from the government, I'd like this little fella so much, I'd give him ever a penny. Oh, are you Pascuali or Pascuali Spaghetti Palace? Yes. Well, I was just about to contact you, Mr. Pascuali. Me? Who makes out your income tax? Well, you overpaid your income tax, too. I've got a check for you for $40. What? Pascuali. Mr. Pascuali, I'm taking you at your word. Here you are, Mr. Basko, Mr. Pascuali Jack. Thank you, Mr. Pascuali. Luigi, wait! The way you're going! Go by! Go by! And I saw, Mamma Mia, everything has come out to find a good income taxidapartment. I'ma still have got a papa's overcoat that he gave to Uncle Pietro. And the best of all, for your birthday, I'ma send you separate a package with a pair of silver candlesticks. You like them, huh, Mamma Mia? You see, I'ma keep them, I promise. And if you see a couple of tears on this page, you don't think it's me crying. That was a Pascuali when he's a pair for the candlesticks. Well, Mamma Mia, happy birthday. You can't hear me singing while I'm writing this, but I'ma sing just the same. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, Mamma. Excuse me, Mamma Mia, while I'm turning the page. Happy birthday to you. You're lovin' it, son. Luigi Bascalli, little immigrant. Friends, the makers of Wrigley's Pyramid Chewing Gum hope you enjoyed tonight's episode of Life with Luigi, and they want to remind you that Wrigley's Pyramid Gum is a refreshing treat you can enjoy while you're doing other things. Wrigley's Pyramid Gum always tastes good, and you can chew and enjoy it even when you're working with your hands. There's lots of lively, real spearmint flavor in it to freshen your taste and sweeten your breath. Besides, the chewing itself gives you satisfaction. It makes the time pass more pleasantly, makes your work and other activities go a bit smoother. So enjoy chewing delicious Wrigley's Pyramid Gum often during the day. It's satisfying, it's refreshing, and it makes whatever else you're doing more enjoyable. The makers of Wrigley's Pyramid Chewing Gum invite you to be sure to listen next week at this time when Luigi Bascall writes another letter to his mama Bascall in Italy. Life with Luigi is a Psy Howard production. Pat Burton is associate producer. The script is written by Mack Benoff and Lou Derman and directed by Mr. Benoff. J. Carol Nash is starred as Luigi Bascall with Alan Reed as Pascalli, Jody Gilbert as Rosa, Mary Schiff as Miss Faulding, Joe Forte as Horowitz, and Ken Peters as Olson. The music is on the direction of Lud Bluskin, Mrs. Charles Lyon, Mrs. CBS Radio Network.