 Rydyn ni'n gweithio i'r plaf o'n bwysig mewn social media i'ch gweithio'r gweithio gweithio'r gwmhysig yn dda i'n dweud i'r ddweud y bydd y ddweud ac yn ddweud o'r ddweud o'r ddweud gan mwyaf yn ddigonio'r gweithio am yr hyn yn y gweithwyr Mae'r gweithio'r ddweud i'r ddweud ac mae'n dwi'n ddweud i'r ddweud Ac mae'n ddweud i'r ddweud i'r ddweud ac mae'n ddweud i'r ddweud i'r ddweud Mae'r byw yn rhanio'r ffyrdd. Mae'r silun y gallwn gynymau. Mae'n bwysig o'ch f i gynnwys i'r ffyrdd. Prif. Mwysig o'n pwysig i, mae'w'r bach yn ffyrdd. WAS FUCKING GOOD ONE AND A WANK WITH YOU Thai, is what I'm trying to say. I've never said I was the prettiest or the best body. I just was the right one to do it at the right time. So people were confused. Why is this bang average looking girl getting all this attention? So people started to really hate on me and stuff... If you search... I've done a YouTube video about this actually saying about the trolls back then. If you search my name... Llywodraeth i'w ffordd yn ymddi'r cywyddiad. Felly, rwy'n meddwl i'r cyfwyd yn ôl y cyfwyd. Rwy'n meddwl i'r cyfwyd i'w ffordd, ac byddwch i'ch ôl yn ei bobl. Rwy'n meddwl i'r cyfwyd, ac mae'n meddwl i'ch gwybod yn gweithio. Rydyn ni'n meddwl 40 ganddo yn y tyfnwyr yma o'r unig. Felly, rwy'n meddwl i'ch cyfwyd. Mae'n meddwl i'ch gwybod, rwy'n meddwl i'ch gweithio, y gallu gweld a chael os ydych chi ddweud o'r 1 miliwn i'r 1 ysgolion, felly dyma'n cyd-nau. Dydw i wneud hynny i ddim yn hyrrych i'w mynd i'w ddweud, wrth gwrs mae'n ddissu'r ysgolion, mae'n byw gwybod i'n duon, ddylai'r holl, ac dyna, dyna, mae'n ddim o'n ddod o'i gwybod i'w ddweud o'r ddod, bwyd. Ac mae'n ddiddio, mae'n ddod o'n ddiffyg, ac mae'r hyn yn gallu gweithio. Ac mae'n cwm ychydig iawn i amser o'r pastig. Mae'n i fi wneud fod eich bod yn ôl i'r cwm wedi gyd. Fe wnaeth i'w gweithio'r cyffredinol. Mae'n gweithio er i gael, mor bwysig yn wirthu i dda i'r tyn nhw'n gweithio. Gaethwch gyd y gallwn o'i gweithio'r cyffredinol, ac mae'n gweithio i gweithio'r cyffredinol. Ac mae'r hun yn gwneud eich gwych. Mae'r meddwl yn mynd i'ch gweithio, mae'r meddwl yn ymlaen o'r pethau i'ch gynnig. Mae'r meddwl yn ymlaen o gweithio. Mae'r meddwl yn ymlaen o'r meddwl yn ymlaen o'r meddwl. Mae'r meddwl yn ymlaen o'r meddwl yn y pethau o'r meddwl, mae'n meddwl wedi bod yn cael eu teimlo'n i'ch gwaith. Dw i! Rhaid i'ch gwaith sy'n iawn i Felgysyn? Y bwrdd, yw. Ychydig o'r eich iechyd, gwrdd. Dydych. Ychydig. Dwy flyn. Ond doanh. Y peth sempre yn gweld i'w cyffir. Felly, mae'r bod nhw'n gaf eich cwylwyr. Rydyn ni'n mynd o'r arig. Dwi argof yn ffreadir. Rydyn ni'n ffreadir. Ychydig o bwysig, mae gwyfodio nesaf, hen yn ffreadir. Cymraith o'r ymddynt gwyfodio. Pwy flynyddoedd, dweud. Ond yw'n rwy'n ddiddordeb eich gref, ac mae amser daethwyd yn dweud o gael eich gwneud, felly iddo diwylliant o gael eich gwneud, dwi wedi cael ei wneud eich gwneud, ac mae wedi bod ni'n wneud, mae'n dweud o gael eich gwneud! Mae'r gwahanol yn gorffod a'r rheoli, eich rhaid pethau o gael iawn o gyflawni Gwyrdiannu Fflifonbwrg-Gorffordd i ddwy'r hanffordd, o'r hoffa'r hwn o maen nhw, nid oedd yn gweithio i ysgolawdd, felly rhaid i chi, Mi'n gallu, mae mae gennym wisdomu, mae 6 ymlaen, ac o myfyd yn byw i cael hwn nesw, cyflym dair o'r ddweudiaeth cyflym. Felly maenny'n gwybod, mewn byddu, ychydig yn cael ei ddefnyddio cael hwn. No diwrnod o'i drafodaeth newydd? Gwyrda'r gwybod o'n cael ei ddweudio, beth iddyn nhw'n fy nghyrch gael cael eu gw blessings gan oeddiad syddにn. Felly, mae angen i'r moeth cofnwyr yn Llywodraeth, mae angen i'r hollbog o'n mynd iawn, Ond mae'n rhaid i ddoch i fynd y mynd. Mae cyfnod i'r gweithio ond mae ynddo i'r twf y gweithio, gan소�di a niroed yn llawnd, a dwi'n llawdd o'n mynd, ac mae angen i'r hollbog o'n mynd. Fi'n nhw gyrfa, mae rhanen nhon i'n gweithio ond fe'i roedd, a chwybio hynny, a mae yna yn gwneud rhywun rhai. Rhai, mae yna e'r hollbog o'n mynd, reads i chi bod, i adael a'r mynd i gael, a byddwch y rai'r ysgol. Mae'r mynd ynrïs fel ddisegfa'r bobl. Er mwyaf, mae hyn wedi ddim yn gwneud. Felly, mae'n siŵr i'r blaen i'r blannau. Mae gennym i'ch ddaeth. A wnaeth y gallwn y bael ychydig yn cael ffaithwyr yn ychydig? Efallai ychydig yn cael mewn gwneud. i fyf. Fy hwy'n dod o'n meddwl i chi. Mae'n meddwl i chi, ac mae'n meddwl i chi dweud, ac mae'n meddwl i chi dweud a chylau gyda efoedd. Maen rhagor o gyda hyffordd bywyd. Dw i'n meddwl yn ymlaes ac yn ymgwrdd, a'r fferfyrd yn ysgol. Mae wedi gweud eich cyddeddar o'r cyfan ar gyfer y ddefnyddut, yn bydd anghraedd, failure, ond mae'n meddwl i chi energon o'r gwymp Spin. I was better at that kind of stuff rather than books and stuff like that. Did you have it in trouble? Yeah, I got suspended a couple of times for fighting. Once I took a knife to school, I got kicked out. Which sounds awful now and I'm like, what the hell? I was only 14. And I think even at the time I thought, I'm not going to actually stab someone with it. I didn't hit my head, I was like, I didn't think it was as bad as I would think it was. I didn't think it was as bad as I would think it was. Now bloody hell like knife cram stuff. That wasn't even really a thing when I was that age. So like, I don't know. No one ever like talked about it. It was just because some last was bullying me. I thought I'm going to take this knife and scare her off with it. That was the reason behind it at the time. But yeah, I got suspended from school for that one. I got suspended for fighting a couple of times. But it was always somebody else, but it was always me being a gobshite that led to it. So I'm not I'm not a victim, but I'm definitely not like. I mean, I was just not bully, but I was in the middle somewhere. How did that affect you being bullied? I don't know. I think it just made me like, I used to come home crying from school a lot. And then my mum would be up to school saying something needs to be done about this. But I think the way I was bullied at school it was more like sly bullying, like bitchy bullying. Never like the fights I got into were never with the people who I would say bullied me. It was just always random. But the people that bullied me were like my so-called friends at the time. You used to just like, you know, like wind me up and stuff like that. And then I used to go home crying. Like they all just chew me all the time. But like the way I remember it now, I'm like, did it even happen like that? Was I like, you know, I'm like confused as to like whether it was me or not. Because you know, as you go up, you think it'll probably be me. Like, you know what I mean? I was probably remembering it a different way, but I just remember always coming home crying me. I'm always going up the school saying the barrel lever alone and stuff like that. But I don't know. Sometimes it can make you tougher as well. It makes you rebel against everyone and that's where you get, fuck it. I'm taking a knife into school. I don't want to be harmed again or hurt. Cos we're all hate pain, don't we? So after school then, what was life like then? So I left school, went to college and done A-levels. Then I went to uni. I done one year at uni. I was doing performing arts. I just wanted to go to Hartlepool. So I done performing arts, but then I started like dancing while I was in Sheffield, cos I moved to Sheffield. I'd never even seen a strip club before. Like I'm from Hartlepool. There's no, well there isn't one now, but years ago. I didn't know one strip out. It was very underground, very, nobody admits to being a stripper kind of thing. So I went in a strip club one night with the lads at uni and I was just in awe of it. I was like, oh my God, they looked so glamorous. It was a big American experiment rhino. So not like some of these little strip clubs. Big American 16-foot pole, huge stage. It was like a proper performance when they went on the pole. I was just drawn in through it. I was like, fuck uni, I'm going to be a stripper. At what age? I was maybe 19 at the time. Did you ever think of that stuff prior? No, I didn't even know about it. I never even knew anyone who was a stripper. Never heard of anyone who was a stripper. Like I said, I moved down there and it was just like open my eyes. So like, what? This is like a thing. Obviously I'd heard of strip clubs in movies and films and stuff like that, but you just didn't really think it was like real people. I did it in like real life, you know what I mean? At this point. So I was like, wow, what do you have to do? I've got a job here. So I just straight away like emailed them when I got back. And I was like, is there any jobs going? And then I come for an audition and the rest is history really. Going in for your first night? Oh, I was like proper nervous because I mean, when I was younger, I was like promiscuous, shall we say? Like I was always got attention off lads and like love the attention and stuff. I was like, I think I thought I was like good looking or whatever when I was like a kid. When I look back at them pictures and I was like, what as if you thought you looked all right then, but do you fear nobody had like lift fillers of an ears or extensions or out like that really? Everyone was just what they were back then. And yeah. And I just I got the interview went down and the strip club manager was like, oh, like you basically have to get naked in the audition just to like prove that you will do it. Later found out that he was just having my life braided it. Like nobody else ever had to do that. He was just seeing a few good ducks. He knew I was like basically a sweet innocent girl who'd come from another town. I didn't know anything about strip clubs or anything. He was just like, oh yeah, you've got to get naked. So that I know that on the night you're not going to like bottle it. So I was like taking me top of life felt like proper abused or something. Later ended up being my friend and stuff, but at the time I was like this normal. And then I have to turn around and all that. I was like, it just felt really awkward. But yeah, I ended up getting obviously anyone who goes to an audition pretty much gets the job. And then yeah, just started working there. That's me. I offered you a tablet you said now. So you are very popular doing the stripping. You've done UK tours. Why did you become popular doing it compared to other girls who there's so many different strip clubs? But you were quite at the forefront. It was in the strip clubs that made me popular. It was the internet. So round about a few years after I started dancing, I was at the top of my game in the clubs that I worked in, but like nobody knew me outside of the clubs around. Like I was one of the top earners pretty much like every night. And then Twitter come about. I can't remember what year Twitter was out, but it started to get popular around I think 2011, maybe 2012. Then I got on there. Nobody knew was even on it. Everyone was like, I don't get it. Like it was quite confusing at first. Everyone's like, so what? You just write things on it and send it. Like it was a bit of a, like everyone had maybe my space and stuff then. And then I don't know even know Facebook was really a thing anyway. So I got on Twitter and I was like, I'm going to try and get on this, like get like big on it kind of thing. So I was like, oh, you get followers. So I tweeted saying if I get 1000 followers, I'll put a picture of me tits on. So I obviously had a boob job at this point. And it just kind of like snowballed straight away. So people were going like back then no normal girls got their tits out on the internet. It was either you're a porn star, you were in Nuttzu FHM or that was it. Like you were an underground strip that you talked about. There was no online, no, you know, selling your nudes online. There was none of that. So I was on Twitter and I said it right. I'll tweet it. I didn't think anyone was listening to me if I had about 100 followers maybe. So I said, if everyone retweets this and we get like, like if I get 1000 followers, I'll put a picture of me tits on. So everyone was tagging their friends, this girl's going to put a tits on the internet. It was like an unheard of thing. Anyway, I got 1000 followers like really, really quick. So as I said, I got me tits on there. There were canny tits through there. I don't know about a baby now. But if you Google me tits, you'll find them. I'm sure there's apparently perver that she doesn't have something to do with that. You're living under a rock if you haven't seen my tits. So yeah, like put me tits on. Well, it went crazy because there were obviously really good tits as well if I do say something to myself. Everyone was retweeting it. Everyone was going missing this girl's tits, like tagging each other. So then everybody, so then I got like 2000 followers and in the space of, I can't remember the timescale now because my memory was shocking. A couple of months in, I was talking like say 100,000 followers, which now loads of people have got that many followers. But then nobody did. I was like the original like famous online kind of thing. Like I didn't know anybody else who had this kind of presence online. Just for being online. You know what I mean? Rather than having like obviously TV work or anything. So then obviously this started to get like the magazines, messaging me and stuff like that. Nuts and Zoo, they used to do like Nuts Magic Monday. It was like a thing if anyone remembers that far back. So then they used to like retweet like normal girls onto their timeline and stuff like that. And then yeah, I just started to like get followers from that and then other girls started doing it. So some of the other girls I still taught over this day after for Sasha McGee. They are still in this industry with me now because they were there at the beginning, the orgies. Like we were the original girls who did this thing. So yeah, I started getting the interest, started getting the followers and then I went up to like 750,000 followers onto it. I've only got about 500,000 now because I dropped loads of them, dropped off and stuff. But yeah, then I got to the point where I was like, right what can I do? So I started posting loads of different pictures of me, tits, me, arth me, body. And then I was like, need to do something different. Everyone's sick of seeing the same thing. So I started doing tits onto her. So anywhere I went, I was doing like tits and Nando's, tits and TGI's, tits and Wagamama's. Every restaurant I went in, getting a picture of me, tits on, basically on the slide. Like none of the stuff would ever see. I was like, like take the picture now. And then you're probably still fine. Now if you hashtag like tits on to her, there'll be loads of pictures of me tits in random places. And everyone was just obsessed. Like everyone was like, I can't believe this normal girl. Just go on these random places and getting a tits on. So then it was like people's mission to get me to their place. So then they started inviting me a like club nights doing PA's. And I was like, obviously with the only other people doing stuff like that at the time was the Geordie show. A lot was round about the time they started. So we're talking 10 years ago. Like they gas and all, then we're doing like club appearances. And then people started paying me to go. I was getting a thousand pound to go to a club to like get me tits on and get me photo. People were queuing up to get a photo of me. I was like, I'm not famous. I'm just known on the internet. But at the same time I was doing the strip club. So then people started making their trips like their stock deals to come and visit me. So then I had a queue of people in the strip club that you couldn't get a dance with me. If you come later on, those are cute. Like you couldn't like it's just been unheard of for a stripper to get that popular. How much for a dance? It was 20 quid a dance. But then as I started to get like more like busy I'd start a charge for it. You could have done. What a sick man. Strap joins we used to go back and it was a tenor. Yeah, you wouldn't get a dance of me for a tenor. How was that then getting that attention? Has that become scary? It did because with the love come like a lot of hate especially from like girls at the time because I've never said I was the prettiest or the best body. I just was the right one to do it at the right time. And I've always said this. So people could were confused. Like why is this bang average looking girl getting all this attention? So people started to really like hate on me and stuff. If you say I've done a YouTube video about this actually saying like about the trolls back then. Like if you search my name like Chels Fex and Slag Chels Fex and kill yourself. There's hundreds of tweets like saying I'm fucking sick of the sight of this Slag Chels Fex and go and kill yourself and blah blah blah like just really fucking horrible. Like I was only just a young lass at the time having a laugh for like at that point it was never wasn't wasn't really making them when I was in the strip club and stuff. But I wasn't making any money online through it. I was just literally doing it for the crack like and then it started to turn or commit money from this. Like that was never my intention at the beginning. It was just to have a bit of fun and like I thought it was funny and then the attention was funny and I enjoyed that. But yeah it was just I got a lot of hate to start with and there's still like hundreds of thousands probably of tweets like slagging me off. How does your mum and dad take to that from the young girl who went to uni to then get the tits out all over social media? How does that affect them? My mum used to take me pictures like she was not asking and it's like my dad's a laid back doesn't give a fuck really. Well like he just you know he's just like oh yeah it's funny like but my mum was like I'm one fan really he used to ask her to take four sorry I'm getting really bored. That's okay man. So yeah she used to like take me fours for me if I asked her own stuff and she obviously loved the money really like I used to look after her and stuff like that so. Well touch on that and now your mum get down as the cancer and passed away who was a big part of your life which you still struggle with now is it six years later? Yes six years yeah. And how was that going through that experience? So where's the time of my life and it just never really goes away. Like she's my best friend my biggest support at me number one fine. When I started to get in the magazines and stuff like they were nuts and all that she used to work in Tesco so anytime anyone bought it she'd be like that's my daughter on page whatever and like you know like just loved it like people used to be horrible like and say no but your parents are so proud I'm like look there's worse things on the planet than getting your fucking tits out like away like not hurting anyone like enjoying myself like you're born naked like you know it's not a big deal I don't know why people make such a big fucking deal about whether you want to get naked or not like you're not hurting anybody like I don't know what the problem is like so yeah I used to get that a lot like your mam's so proud of you and I'm like my mam wouldn't have been at a level if it wasn't for me in the end like you know she got she was really poolish couldn't work she didn't get diagnosed for like nine months so she couldn't work who do you think was paying her mortgage and her bills and I took her on the three old days after she got diagnosed like 16 of us to Florida 16 of us to Greece or Cyprus Cyprus it was and I took her where else did she go she went on three old days before she passed which obviously she got them memories like we got them memories before she left so it wouldn't have been able to do that if it wasn't for the industry and the money I made but I know she was proud of me but you don't need to justify yourself to anyone do you know what I mean like nobody knows what you're living with yourself or your family that people are always going to make assumptions people are always going to judge this is the power of social media everyone has an opinion when your mum passed away what was your life like what were you doing with your life then were you still stripping were you still doing all your other stuff yeah I was still dancing when when she got poolish so I was working down in I started in Sheffield then I went to Manchester then I came back to Sheffield then I went to Leeds then I ended up coming home when she got diagnosed started working up a new castle just to be close at her home really moved back in with her and yeah just dancing still and then after she passed yeah I was still dancing for a while how was that to be dancing while your mum had a few weeks to go I was back in the strip club pretty much straight away which people probably thought was really weird because I had to just get on with it if I had sat in the house and moped about it would have been 50 times worse for me I had to keep busy so I went back to strip club straight away obviously drinking and just masking everything trying to like just trying to cope really yeah that's a difficult thing you never cope it's hard to accept now this is six years later so not coping now but you are coping man we'll touch on the stuff that you're trying to do now to try and face everything head on now always say this in every podcast but everybody battles man like no matter how big your house is how much money you're making more money more problems but if you've got a healthy mindset then that's the most when I haven't had a healthy mindset for six years obviously I've battled with drinking partying and things and yeah obviously now I'm just trying to make a change for me son's sake basically just that I'd like to stop drinking and just need to like yeah just do better basically which has been really hard for the past six years I've never had anyone to answer to when I didn't have my baby and I just went from bad relationship to bad relationship I guess people told me that I wasn't worth anything for so long that I just started believing it and going out with people that didn't show me any worth basically so just yeah like in a vicious circle of but now I know that I'm worth more and I've got my baby and I just want to do it for him like just be a better person really but you're only 31 so this is a great time to start making changes in your life between the ages of 27 35 let people start you've got a question everything but when you've no responsibilities if you've lived a life of alcohol, drugs not really caring if you don't value yourself then it's hard for anybody else to see value in you also I was to attract fucking idiots because I was one for like attract like I'm not into no illusion there are some kind of victim in that but I know I've been bad in the past I've been toxic one I've been awful as well but I've been with people who made brought out my worst I guess so being in like particularly bad abusive relationships and I literally ran away from one like I went with a close on me back and like you know I was homeless well not proper homeless because I did own a house but it was rented out so I was like people are laughing at me like oh yeah totally homes she had nowhere to go because I was living with the boyfriend at the time but he was so abusive and stuff so I ran away and luckily my gay friend put me up in his house for a few months till I could like get me tenant out and stuff but I had sold all my furniture so I had to start again from square one really like basically getting all furniture again like starting I had not a penny in my pocket when I ran away from him because he controlled the full money everything and from that was only maybe four years ago so from four years ago and have another penny in my pocket and running away with nothing to where I am now like I'm really like proud of where like where I am. You should be proud you should be proud how is that though to be a stripper to be online getting it out so how does that how does that affect a relationship have you ever had anyone that has accepted that? Yeah so like there would always be alright with that at the beginning because there's a novelty there like I'm with Chelsea Ferguson like everyone buzzes off her online blah blah blah but then once they realise they go from the Seji Ferg or the Chelsea Ferg or everyone knows online the Chelsea that you're left with is probably not as exciting as you think so once it comes down to like normal life together and I'm just like this boring as I would say just boring normal person then it's like oh the novelies were off now I don't want you stripping anymore and stuff like that and I'm like you would got with me knowing that I did that and it was never like there was never an episode from relationship I would end up splitting up I've never had a relationship longer than a year and a half in my whole life 32. It was a year and a half longer than mine anyway so don't worry about it much else were 2 minutes 32 a year but it's the same but then again there were so many fights in between yeah but I literally give it up give it all up for one person the one who ended up being the abusive one and I was like I want to give this a real go give up everything you know get a normal job see I had businesses so I started working for him I'd done like make-up I did tattoo removal I did I went in the shop on reception he had a tattoo shop and stuff so I really give it a go that time that was the first time I'd give it a go and then it turned out to be like abusive and stuff like that controlling even though I was not even doing anything I was literally like never allowed to go anywhere I'd do anything so yeah that turned out bad and that's when I ran away and that was after I'd give up everything so I didn't have a penny left I did that for him like give it up then I had nothing left and when I left him it was like starting all over again because for a year and a half that was my longest relationship I'd give up being Chelsea Ferguson drop loads of followers no one was interested in me anymore you've got to keep it you know what's like online you've got to keep people you've got to keep on it all the time being interested in doing different things I'd lost a lot of my fans they were like oh she's engaged, she's off let's forget about her kind of thing so I nearly lost everything for him but luckily I still had some followers well I still had 500,000 followers but Twitter had started shadowbanning and things like that so even when I was tweeting to 500,000 people no where any of that was seeing it so I started like basically started all over again at that point what age were you this was about four or five years ago so what am I now 32 so still fairly recent yeah not that long how was it making that transition from being a stripper to then try a normal life did it feel okay? it didn't feel as hard because he had money like if I'd have been giving it all up for somebody who didn't have money then it would have been like really hard because you're used to a certain lifestyle you used to be able to just go oh I'm going here I'm going there but that turned out to be him having money turned out to be the bad thing because then he would control me with it and I couldn't have my own and I'd never had nor had my own I'd always had my own money so it was hard to go from having my own money and buying whatever I wanted whenever I wanted to ask in somebody can I have 15 quid to go and get me hair curled like it's not nice to have to ask somebody for basic necessities but that's how it ended up and that's why I just couldn't I resented him for me giving up my career and then that would be like the clash you know because we lived 40 minutes away from my friends and family was never allowed to come and sleep down here with like my friends even though they were gay like I wasn't allowed to sleep over at their house wanted me home and like it was just all very like toxic and he'd set stuff on fire like I had smashed stuff of his because he'd done stuff to mine and it was just sorry just whacked the mic it was like every night like I was packing me shit nearly every every other day to leave him and it was just a big fucking mess what you're having Leon? You do and I would never ever go with his stupid name on the rest of my life that went down well so yeah you just do and I won't regret going for that relationship because it made me realise what I would never ever fucking put up with ever again and I'll never ever let a man like do that to me again like I say the warning signs and the red flags before now like before So when you started doing all that coming out of that relationship is that when you started putting the wheels in motion to go forward and create your own business where did the idea come from to create this business? So I ran away and went straight back down because I just needed some money like quickly so I went straight back down to the only one of the only things I grabbed out of was the one I left was my stripper shoes I grabbed my stripper shoes and I fucking made these straightwear because you can't get good stripper shoes so I grabbed them and I was like that was the only thing that I needed I thought on me like I'll be fine with them went back down to the straightaway and then I met my friend D Scottish actually from Glasgow and I met her in the strip club I'd never met her before and obviously I was broke and at this point I was literally like I was so skinny I wish I could be that skinny I don't want to go through the shit though but I was just so skinny I was withdrawn I was living out my friend's spare room it was a bit shit and she was like oh I'm on this website like sell nudes and stuff like that and I thought well I've already met it all over the internet I may as well do it basically so she set me up on there and I obviously still had some of my followers and stuff so I tweeted saying like alright I'm on this site and I made a grander day for the first week or something and I was like surely not surely this will not stay this kind of money will not stay there so it just started coming in thinking fast loads of money and I was like what the fuck so I quickly organised going and seeing an accountant because I was like I don't know what to do so then yeah so then it just went crazy and then after like a year or something I'd made like $500,000 on there but they took 20% so that was like 100,000 but they were ripping me off as well they went putting they have like this little way to like click money out yeah cos it was an English company but the page in dollars so in the exchange rate they used to take like big chunks off yeah and no one was ever questioning it they were just like oh it must be the exchange rate but when we looked into it probably they were actually being stealing like thousands and thousands of people so at that point and the site was really really slow and I was like I can't cope with this site anymore like I've given them $100,000 and it slows the fuck like it was really pissing me off so I thought I'm just going to make my own I'm just going to make my own site so went to see a web developer and he was just like there was this one guy I met and he was like we didn't realise how big it was going to be so he was quoted as like 12 grand for the website and I was like ready I'll tell it I'm only 12 grand anyway the website ended up costing me 45 because we ended up going we had to go a whole team of web developers because it was going to be so big so we had it and we decided cos at first I was like oh just do like ChelseaFegs and .com or whatever and get people to come and just sign up to me because D and a few other girls like soft to full I said before like girls I knew from years ago were doing this kind of thing so I was like they were all sick of it they were just sick of the site they were sick of how slow it was and they were sick of how much money they were getting took off them so I said right I'll make my own and other girls can come on it so I think it took us about seven months to make the site and yeah we went live I got all my friends on there I've only ever done topless or done fully nude on the other one but I was like I need to do something that's really going to make people come on our site cos if it's just the same thing then no one's going to go and I'll just stay on this one so I was like right I'll do my first porno didn't really want to do it but I was like I'm going to take one for the team because this is going to be make or break for our site and I'd spent this 45 grand on it so I thought I'm going to have to do something that makes them go fucking hell she's doing this I had a boyfriend at the time it was me and him at the time made whatever porno I'm trying not to talk to him we'll have me dance over there he knows but he doesn't have to hear it to me so yeah done a video and oh my god it went crazy I think I made 40 grand in that first week on my own page as a model the site made I can't remember what the figures were for the first couple of weeks but we turned over a million in the first three months so that's how wild it went like crazy there was me and my cousin Becky two women never had a business plan never had never done anything like this before she's really good Becky's the back end of everything the site will be nothing without her I'm the one who had the followers and took one for the team in the porno but if it wasn't for Becky it would be nothing so we work with the dream team because I'm the face and the tits of the business and she's everything behind the scenes and she was the one who was meeting with the web developers I mean I was going as well but I'm just not really like like I said before I'm a struggle state interested in things when it starts to get technical and stuff like that I'm just a bit confused so she's so good at stuff like that so she was in charge of everything she's the real CEO basically like a sign and partner I do my own page and stuff I really get involved in the back end of stuff so How about is that then trying to get that content how much pressure that for myself I'm always trying to get guests to create stories to hit bigger views it becomes a stress to be successful it's a constant stress because there's so much competition as well in there How hard does that and how draining does that become in your life to then making pornos to then it all becomes basically empty sex to then make money Well the thing is I haven't done any videos since I was obviously with me exos me baby's dad I haven't done anything since then which has been about four or five months I've done like pictures just for myself and stuff but I'm not going to go and I just don't like sleeping with people people will find that hard I believe but I don't like sleeping with people for nothing so I haven't actually since I spoke up with him but the only people I've made videos with was partners at the time so people I've actually been in a relationship with the only people I've made videos with just because I wouldn't be comfortable doing it with a random person or anything so I haven't done anything on my page I'm not making it as much as I was because obviously I'm not doing fresh stuff all the time but I've still got a few thousand pieces of content on there with videos and stuff from ages ago so people can still go on and see that kind of stuff so I still get the sign ups and stuff How many times do I say stuff? How does that affect you mentally? I know so many strippers, porn stars who are the most soundest people ever, their loyal is fucking at any time if ever needed anything they would have been there but I still see sadness as well I was going through that time and I was sad doing all the shit that I had done but how do you see people in that industry? You know what it's because you get such a bad rep you literally could be the nicest person ever like I've done loads for charities you still get like the back-handed compliments from it like I raise 10 grand for the food bank during Covid in Hartlepool and I still got people going she's only doing it for likes or she's got more money than that and it's like I'm going as much money as people think like I made good money but like I've invested it back into my company on my houses like I haven't just got loads of money in the bank like I fucking wish I did and I would do even more and I want to go back and do more stuff when I have got more money in the future and help other people but that's like long term things that I want to do because I've got my dream house now and once I've settled into that little life I want to do things for like my local town or community or like that's things I want to do in the future but you do, you just get slagged off something rotten even if you were out sleeping with people every single week I've got friends who have sex with money like you're not hurting anyone as long as you're being safe and happy like I just don't understand what's got to do with anyone else like I've never been at escort never had sex with money like that's just my choice because I'm barren cow basically so I haven't done that but if I had done it doesn't make you a bad person I've got friends that do that as long as they're happy with themselves I just don't see what's got to do with anyone else but there's girls who go out every weekend and shag different men for a line of coke and you know what to do people who have normal jobs, teachers nurses doesn't make you a bad person do what you've got to do I always say that as long as you're not hurting anyone but you come across very bold on social media but then you've never actually had sex with someone soba I probably have in relationships but no I would never dream of having sex with someone soba it's very weird but I don't know but I've just got a like I've never really felt confident enough to have sex soba I don't know it sounds weird doesn't it I have in a relationship probably a few arms but even if you probably speak to any makes as they'll tell you the truth I'm definitely not a sexual person like obviously my whole business and life is based on that and I'm just robbed a living basically I say it all the time it's definitely not part of me to be sexy like at all I have proper struggle with it it's like a persona that I created and that's why I was always drunk like in the strip club I was drunk good at my job when I was drunk but soba, no, not sexy Is that to not tell you something or that you have to mask it for what you're doing in life that it's not really fulfilling you? Probably, but I feel like I can't even say I didn't enjoy it because I feel like I look back on the strip of years and the best years of my life I felt like at the time I really enjoyed them like I loved going to work I loved meeting people I loved getting pissed, I'm gonna laugh I loved the job I really genuinely think that I did but then you always make me question if you love that much why did you have to be pissed I don't know, honestly I can't answer that question I guess does anybody genuinely not many people can say that they go to work every day and absolutely love their job I can't say anyone doing that like no matter what you do you might say you love it but really you'd rather not be there, you'd rather have a holiday of course man but you've got to find your passion in life which is difficult once you start cutting out the negativity and the things that you don't like we've spoke many times and we talk about drinking you used to always support it you used to always give me the excuses and I said okay okay but we'll touch on he's a judgy bastard you're missing something in your life I've lived it and over it's like I'm asked all my pain all my misery with drugs being the loudest prick in the room I was the weakest I was so fucking weak I don't preach all the time but when I see somebody's goodness in them and I say they're trying to do good sometimes you just need to put those wires together for somebody to see the world differently what was the height of your madness going through your drink and your drugs what was the worst times when you thought fuck me man I need to make changes just when I was to party for days on end like you know just you know what it's like you're just in house and it's when the lights go on they start to get light outside and it's like what am I doing man like in the come down and you just start to think what the fuck am I doing like you're suicidal like you're literally like you just want to make a change but then you feel so rough that you just get back on it because you think a drink will pull me through a drink will pull me through it never does it does for a bit but then it just comes back ten hands with the next day or the next week and then you're ill for a week or two weeks and then you do it all over again the weekend after was that difficult for yourself with depression and anxiety and I'm like oh god I've been I can't even talk about it I've been suicidal quite a few times actually like was in hospital once from turning over to us but yeah like it's really hard to like you do just drink try and think you can drink through it or it does numb the pain for a bit like it does give you happiness for that few hours that you're doing it but like you said just comes back ten, fifty times worse once a year, sober up or whatever and that's why you end up drinking all the time because it's trying to like feel normal again it's trying to balance it out but masking it with the alcohol or drugs I've had it for many years so it's easy for me now to sit and say that it's not the option and it's not the solution to everybody we're all going to battle death, we're all going to battle with disease it's the way of the world as sad as it is it's just life but we're just so used to escaping from it because we don't know how we handle pain we don't know how we handle losing that love one but what you've got to understand is how proud your mum will be with sitting in this gaff you've got a beautiful son your dad's one of the soundest guys I've ever met you've got two dogs, you've got me as a friend you know what fucking life is great yeah I know it is on paper isn't it like everyone probably looks at me on Instagram, not that I'm fake online because when I do my Q&A's which is a lot, I'm 1 million percent honest about every single thing in my life like I tell it how it is like I see it all the time it's not perfect, I don't pretend to be absolutely wedged, I've done all right for myself I'm skint now about this house but everyone just thinks yeah I do lamb bones stuff like that and people think oh my god she's made it she must be so happy, she's got everything everyone ever dreams of a lot money doesn't make you happy makes you more comfortable and I'd rather cry in a six bedroom house than a flat but it honestly doesn't and if the reason you're doing things that you're doing is only because of the money you really are doing life wrong like I said I genuinely thought I was happy doing the stripping for years and I felt like I was enjoying myself the stuff I've done online I've found it a lot harder but like I said I was basically doing that for me brand the money essentially and you're having things for money that maybe you shouldn't have or like deep down am I happy that I've done that no not really but I know there is girls out there that genuinely enjoy it and love doing it and enjoy sex so they may as well make the content out of it but for me it was a struggle cos it's not part of my real personality See when you started making some serious dough was that more stresses and more pressures for yourself or did you enjoy life a bit more I mean I fucking wasted a fortune like I've had everything like materialistic wise everything that any person could ever want like I loved handbag so that when you get a birkin the most expensive handbag in the world is like that's it the ultimate goal I only paid 7000 for it which is still a lot for a handbag but there is ones that are like 100 grand but like that brand itself is like the most expensive handbags in the world but for me I was like I'd love to get a birkin oh my god I'd love to get a range of it then it was I'd love to get a Lambo had it had it had it I haven't got the Lambo and I've got rid of that I haven't got the Birkin and I've got rid of that I couldn't give a fuck like now all I'm wearing is like literally basic clothes and like night trainers and that like everything that I be designer it does not make you happy like I put this on my instagram the other week cos all I see is young girls 18 year olds driving up like to buy Balenciaga trainers, McQueen's Louis Vuitton bags, honestly stop like you'll regret it one day like listen to this old cow because I have been there doing that, got the fucking t-shirt lost the money on it and you just have to invest your money for like more important things for your future like houses or like even cars are a fucking waste of money I mean I've still got an expensive car but I can afford that on top of my other stuff like as well not gonna just go and get a van or something like like I have wasted I lost 30 grand on my Lambo 30 grand like that just out the window and I just I see people doing it like even for example like Molly May like the influencer like she's like dripping in like thousands of pounds worth of like jewellery and like designer clothes I think that outfit alone was 10, 20 grand she's still living in a rented flat like I just want to shake them and go this is the mistakes I made when I was younger like I just want to say to them like please just invest your money better like listen to me like cos I've been there and now I've got like I've got four properties and stuff I'm definitely not like in a bad position but I could have 20 properties for the money I've wasted like I really could but you live in your land. Exactly that's just all I learned covering all that stuff that you've done used to get you through the pain of everything else so those things do help like social media is bullshit as people live in a fake life the more followers you have I can guarantee the more depressed those people will be because you're constantly chasing likes, attention it's very superficial and it's a dark place to get involved in and I've made many changes in my life but I know I'm addicted to my social media post a wee photo when you're feeling a bit down give me some attention tell me how amazing my podcast are doing what does it mean really when I took my six week break to make my new documentary the first day I signed into all social media platforms as soon as I signed out cos I thought what if somebody died what if somebody needs me nobody fucking cares about you because you look at people's stories and photos every day you kind of grow a fake relationship as if you really know them but once you came out of it not one of these persons not one of these people contacted me anyway I made sure I was alright then you came back and people said oh where were you so it is fake but it's just where our focus goes it just seems normal it becomes part of your life so getting through all that then and then you feel pregnant how does that become make changes in your life so I never ever wanted kids I was very very vocal about the fact that I never wanted kids why is that I was just too selfish all I cared about was making money partying and enjoying myself and to be fair I never had a relationship long enough to have kids but I got the fact that didn't stop me I mean you're out there planting your seed all over Glasgow you've got more kids than you know about you but I just never ever wanted them and then I met me ex obviously he was my baby's dad and it was like a proper I fall in love quick me like I could literally fall in love in one day like you're the best thing since sliced bread I believe anything you tell me I don't I'm a proper honest open person so I just think everyone else is like that when they're not I believe anything you fucking tell me so you can pull the wool over my eyes so that's why I get used and take the piss out of cos if you tell me like this guy's pink I'm gonna believe you so I met my ex and I honestly fell in love with him straight away I was really really happy when I was pregnant in three months I said I want to have a baby review like I was 32 no 31 I got pregnant in sorry I know I've been 32 when I got pregnant no I'm not 32 sorry 31 so I got pregnant three months three months after we were together and then yeah it was the worst pregnancy ever like I hated every minute of it I was really pooly but he was really supportive and stuff like that lockdown hit so I was pregnant at the right time really no one could go anywhere and yeah I was just really depressed and stuff when we were pregnant and so I hated it and then my baby come along then I literally split up with his dad 8-10 weeks after he was born cos he was just totally not the person that I thought he was there's nothing like lockdown and someone not being at the work and bringing in more stress and the newborn baby and lack of sleep there's nothing like all them things in one go pressure on and see if it's real and I just wanted better I just wanted better than what I was getting he was lazy didn't want to do anything in the house he was good with the baby don't get me wrong he's a good dad didn't want to do a thing in the house didn't want to go about a work didn't want to cos I was making money didn't want to contribute anything financially just wanted to live off me and I was just sick of it and yeah basically just kicked him out and then that was that really did you feel used like I paid for his full life for a whole year I paid a whole his debt he literally couldn't work, he's a barber so he couldn't work for a whole year for Covid he lived at my house for a free I paid his car payments, I paid his credit cards and loans, racked it up to about 30 grand the debt and now he hasn't given me a single penny back and he hasn't given me a single penny for my baby well he gave me 20 quid when we've been split up a week he gave me 20 quid and he hasn't given me a penny since then we've been split up over four months now but you know what he has the baby two days a week so and he's a good dad I'm just gonna I just gotta get one with it really it's not right but it's where it is people go well she doesn't need it that's not the point because he's so bad with money he'll have nothing to give the baby in his future whereas the money he'd give me I would have invested maybe sent another rental for the baby for his future and I'm just really miles better with me money now I wouldn't dream of spending £1,000 a handbag now cos everything I've got is for my son for his future and that's all I think about now is everything's for him whereas his dad's really selfish and if he has money he just thinks walking away from himself like do you know what I mean whereas I just don't feel like that anymore but when my son's old he'll realise and he'll say look where I've got you and his dad will still be living at his mum's house at age and it might know how kids make you see the world differently and how does it go with Chelsea Ferguson of old to now when your son gets older as well how does that play a affect on your mind of the videos it's out there the pictures and stuff? Well people say this all the time but I can literally get any videos or pictures removed off the internet like any cos I can do a DCMA takedown so you basically email the website and they don't have rights to keep them on there so once I take them all off I know there is a chance that someone could have them on their phone for the future but they would literally just be doing that out of sheer jealousy to show anything like that on my son he'll know exactly where I mean when he's come from off I'll tell him and I know he'll still be proud of me cos he'll have lived a good life he'll have a mum who loves him he's got loads of people around him that love him like I said before getting your tits out on the internet doesn't make you a bad person like it really doesn't and you know I think the more we go into like these industries are getting more and more popular the more women are realising I don't need to put up with this dickhead who's looking after me financially I'm going to make my own money and people are realising that there is men are only angry about it because we're making money off something that we used to give away for free like that's really the real reason that men are so mad about women doing this kind of thing I get a lot of I get more shit from men nowadays than I do women I get shit from men like especially when I got that Lambo it's a cheat any man's dream car a map black Lambo like it wouldn't want one so I got a lot of shit for that men saying like I fucking graft for 80 hours a week and I kind of found a Lambo and I really do feel for them like yeah you do graft all week and but don't hate the player hate the game you guys created this kind of industry user one to put us user one funding it user the ones who obviously pay for it or user sexualising us user the nobody ever winches about going on porn about red tube or whatever for free they don't winch about that the only winch when they start are off to pay for it I'm not giving that slag 20 good but they'll go on porn up for a free wank how am I a slag for making money but they're nor a slag or you're not a bad person for it don't like point your finger on one hand and one with the other basically is what I'm trying to say how does that does people ever stop you in the street and tell you have watched your videos I've watched your senior well obviously as from a small town everyone everyone knows everyone so yeah like people who have known all my life like you know one of my friends I've seen the other month I've seen him for a while and he was like oh yeah I've signed up even me mate why you still live with ease of football I used I still live with him and he like he goes to me oh yeah signed up your thing in that and I was like oh my god but loads people do for like a laugh like oh we know how to have a look like it's just pure nosiness isn't it like I know girls who've signed up for my thing like out of nosiness or like you know just to go just to even if they're fucking slag me off or laugh at me they're still paying to see it like it doesn't bother me at all as long as like the pain basically but people are always going to talk about your people like if I still worked in McDonald's now think people wouldn't slag me off oh my god she's still working in McDonald's I've drawn these years would you dare but they've slagged me off because I've done something different like they're only happy if you're living a plain bar and normal life working a nine to five like no one slags you off then are you working or off it no one cares like because I'm doing something different thinking outside the box that's when people start you're always going to get slagged off when you do something different and I was the original person the first person to do it and that's why I was so popular and that's why like the industry like started to be coming industry because I'm not saying I invented it I invented the industry but like I was one of the first people I knew to do it so then it started to become a thing because people were like oh we could make some money out of this like how do you think it is so popular because men are always going to like nudes and sex and women are always going to like money and once they realise they can make money out of men firing them attractive like the people who pay mainly for this kind of thing is people that know you so you'll probably say the girl you've known all your life and you've always went in Starbucks and she works and then you go I don't know where tits look like like men do like I think like that because I'm bisexual so I go I don't know what she looks like naked so then if there was suddenly a page where you could pay a tenner to see her naked you're going to pay it like so I think that's where your customers come from it's people who have seen you out and about in real life or they live in your street or they've always fantasised about you as that girl who lives down the street now you can see her naked so that's where like the demand comes from she's not a porn star she's the girl next door or the girl in Starbucks or the girl in McDonald's who you've always known and thought was quite attractive now you can see her naked that's where men are easy manipulated aren't you soft and shit you think we are cocks at the end of the day and it's always going to be a thing because men are always going to think with a cock so like if there was a chance to say for Michelle Keegan I'll be fucking straight on that pain you know someone who's always fancied or admired in the public eye or who finally started selling nudes of course you would remember when everyone started doing that them leaks years ago it was on Twitter and stuff like sunsaws phones being hacked their eye the most popular thing most trending sunsaws leaks it was Jennifer out of hunger games and all that stuff got leaked men are fucking animals some women as well but men as soon as you can see on the internet it's like even if it was against their consent that they got leaked so you may as well make some money out of it because she made nothing and everyone's seen it anyway look at Kim Kardashian that's what I'm saying the girls that ever slaggo was off for doing what we do idolised Kim and the family everyone sort of forgot where she came from you can still find their porno on there you really think that was an accident that got leaked rigid and have a fucking clue and now he's nowhere to be seen while she's doing it to people in the whole world all from a porno so when people slag me off or like other girls that do this I wouldn't dare do that and you idolise Kim and her family if sex sells at the end of the day it's always going to be the most remember when Talisa's sex tape got leaked of that awful little job she did she wouldn't ever be a sexiest woman the next year you put her on the map she wouldn't have even got her next factor if it wasn't for that porno I guarantee it these things step you up somewhere along the line and then you get like a you don't believe the amount of people in the industry like actors and I'm not going to say names but that I've heard of who've slept their way to getting films and things like that and you don't know how much it goes on but sex makes the world go around as much as money like it's literally the be all and all isn't it so how are you feeling now well in general all right I suppose cos you made a big announcement a couple of days ago you're not going to have a drink for 30 days you are doing well anyway obviously you've got Hendrix now you're making adjustments I don't ever get drunk when I've got my son like ever I'm not an alcoholic by arm as you think I am I like a drink and there's been times when I've definitely I have got a problem with alcohol but I definitely don't drink every single day and when I do drink I can't have one or two and go to bed like I'm not the type of person who has can't have one doesn't stop cos that's not true like before I made this announcement about the 30 days like the day before that I literally had one prosecco the day before that I literally had two proseccos but in general I know that I have got a problem as in my son goes away at the weekend and I get absolutely mortal for two or three days then I'm rough all week and it's not fair on my son to be like hung over for the week like I'm just tired and lethargic and not getting stuff done but yeah so that's why I've decided to just have 30 days off and I'm going to document how I feel for 30 days see how much more I get done how it'll be the weekends a challenge that hasn't bothered me so far I mean I'm only on day two but it didn't bother me but it's just seeing what I can achieve without it and I know you're always in me yet and to be honest everyone listening when I first met James I thought oh god he's a bit of a prick him cos he's trying to tell me not a drink and I can't be told what not to do has to be my decision don't tell me what I can and can't do and makes me want to do it even more if you tell me I can't drink so James come down the first time and I was like he's a fucking prick him I'm getting drunk cos he told me I shouldn't so I did but then obviously the more I thought about the more I thought you know what everything he says he is right but I am just that rebel teenage girl inside that says fuck what anyone else says but now I've decided off me on back a person if you have 30 days off the drink like it's not about being an alcoholic or not being able to live without alcohol it really isn't I've just got myself in a habit I'll go out for dinner I'll have a prosecco I'll go out for dinner I'll have a blue wicked like it's just easily done when you don't have a job to just do whatever you want to do when you want to do it so yeah I've decided I've 30 days off and document how I feel and then hopefully getting a better relationship with alcohol to go right look you can get pissed once a week and just promise myself that I'm going to do that and see how much better I feel rather than going right the baby's gone to my dad's and then his dad's so I'll have Friday Saturday on the piss like that's no good you know like have some kind of good balance I know you think I shouldn't have any at all I don't think that it's just alcohols are depressing people are sociably acceptable and now I want to speak for the people who's underweight, overweight, who's millionaire, who's got nothing who's strong as fuck who's mentally tough, who's just people from all walks of life every colour, every religion to understand that life can be beautiful it is tough at times but alcohol is a depressing no matter what way you look at it now whether it's one drink a night or one drink a week people finish working and want to go and have a bottle of wine to make them feel relaxed but you ain't going to relax by destroying your body and destroying your mindset feeling confused the next day and you can do some meditation you can go a nice walk, you can go to the gym so many people are struggling and battling but we escape from the external stuff the fucking under eating the over eating the alcohol the drugs it's so important that I don't want to be one of these guys who are preaching like I say fuck off your prick but I see so much goodness in you and also see when people who's battling and who's not and we're all battling I cover my battles well now because I'm not doing the daff shit when I'm full of drink and full of drugs but everybody has got greatness in them everybody can make changes now whether if you're a plumber, a stripper, a porn star footballer it doesn't matter who you are we're still battling at some degree now by all means everything in moderation but what is moderation people think moderation is maybe once every few days or once a week it's not really moderation because it's not giving your body time to adjust same as coffee addictions or gambling or whatever it is you're doing if you're over indulging it then it becomes you and then it steals your energy because anything you're taking that is raising you up coffee as well bringing you back down with a band and it's okay to feel sad it's okay to feel down it's normal in life because we've got so many distractions now we've got so much pressures we're trying to keep up with everybody else we're trying to say if we're looking good enough if we're looking pretty we're just so much pressures from all walks of fucking life but making some adjustments and making that adjustment like I've told you right down in a journal when everything that you've done and what you've achieved within that 30 days not only you grow a better relationship with yourself but you'll grow a stronger relationship with your kid now it scares me that I used to get mad with it for three and four days and then pick up my son and my daughter and then how can they get the best version of me you're an absolute fucking wester I was just wasting away I would get a photo post it on social media and pretend that it was a good dad a fucking good dad I'm still trying to build relationships and bonds with my kids now and I'm a working process I am a man I do make mistakes the same as yourself but if you're a mother or a father and you're willing to get mad with it at the weekend and then get your son for me that's some sort of sense of an abuse as well because you're going there heads all mess if you take a line of gear your dopamine levels don't come back down to an almost date for three to six months later so people think they're fine after five days they're not they'll still crash next week so we don't give ourselves in our bodies enough time to adjust to good things and doing this for the days I guarantee you will be like do you know what you big prick thank you I told you so how is it now but making when you start seeing things differently for having that not give a fuck mentality to then having a son having more responsibilities and like your sons all you he's got basically not always got but you've got your dad but you know what I mean well it's just like even just I thought I had my son I used to go off on a relationship like I couldn't be on my own and I would just go with like I would just have a boyfriend it would be like no good for me and I knew deep down they're not going to last I'll just have him until the next one come along and that was such an awful such an awful mentality to have and think I'd rather be with this person even though he's wrong than be on my own and I'm totally not like that now like obviously I've got my baby and he's my number one priority and I will not settle for anything like I'm not looking for anybody but I will not settle for less than what we deserve basically and I also like literally get with someone move them in my house straight away like that would never ever happen again because obviously this is my and my son's house and it's just a completely different scenario now like I just have just everything's different like everything every penny I make it's not for me it's for him I just know that he's going to have everything when he's older like as in just a good life but he'll also be raised with respect and kindness because his dad's like spoiled and they went to private school but his mum and dad didn't give him the tools to survive outside of their home he couldn't do anything in the house or wouldn't do anything in the house because he's all used to having his ass wiped which is not how my son's going to turn out he's going to be entitled like he was entitled the money or he deserved to not work why should I do his mum actually told him not to wash up for me like don't you be washing up for her hang on a minute he lives in my house doesn't pay a penny towards it and they're our pots from Uzi and but you don't want him to wash up that type of mentality is not what my son's going to turn out like he's going to do jobs from as soon as he's old enough you do this for your pocket money he's not going to be spoiled brat who just expects everything yeah he'll have things for his future like houses and stuff but he has to work as well I didn't get nothing handed on a plate so why the hell should anybody else like it just doesn't work like that and I wouldn't want him to be like some little spoiled brat who goes my mum's going to just get me this up here for this it doesn't work like that unfortunately who was it moving on to the rest guy it's been stressful because it's the first time I've had a mortgage like I have another three properties that I owned outright so it has been I think that's the reason like my head's been all over a bit because I've finally got like a big mortgage on this so it was like putting myself but like that's what normal people do like my cousin was a bit like are you sure you want to do this like you're living without a mortgage like it's a really good position to be in I was like I know but most people just have mortgages like what's wrong with going the next step and having the house in my dreams just because I have to go in a bit of a debt for it like I don't have debt for like other things like you know credit cards or like that like I've been really good and sensible and bought houses and stuff now I rent me other two houses or I've got two I own but ones that I were office that I own and then the other two I rent out as houses but the houses that I lived in so the first one I lived in and then I just bought the second one that I lived in and now this one but yeah it's like literally I couldn't ask for a better house obviously I need to do it inside like people watching this I did not pick this olive wall everything needs to be decorated but the house itself and the plot and the grounds everything I've ever dreamed of and ever wanted so yeah I'm like over the moon really it's like you know like you said you go through like I'll be happy when I get this I'll be happy when I get that I'll be happy when I get a Birken I'll be happy when I get a Lambo I'll be happy when I get a big six bedroom house you don't just move in and all of a sudden your problems go away and you're totally happy it doesn't work like that you have to work on yourself like in other ways and I've started like therapy and stuff like that to try and like deal with me shit over the last six six years and that's like really important is like just getting me mind right and that's why I need to get rid of the alcohol because obviously like you said it's a depressing I'm up and down it's just I just need to do better you're doing better but so I'm proud of you like taking these steps it's massive now it's easy I don't know if you're gangsters and it's easy to kill someone yeah you're a gangster man it's easy to kill someone it's easy to pull the trigger it's easy to fucking rob a bank it's easy to do a bad shit what it ain't easy to do is fucking raise legit money and take your mum out the fucking hood and give her a better life take her dad out give her a better life that's the hard part the hard part is not doing what everybody else is doing the hard part is you get more problems going legit I've had more problems the last few years than I was when I was acting trying to get a mortgage and stuff with your legit money like there's no the inside of a fat like literally you want to know everything where everything's coming from and yeah you literally do get you do get penalised especially in the sex industry as well like I think the need to realise that the world's changing and online money even when you're doing your insurance there's no click book when you have to put what your job is there's no job for us and it's like the world's changing now there's influence and things like that billion pound industry there's so much money to be made online now with YouTube and Instagram and podcasts and porn and whatnot and the need to realise that the world's changing and we have I'm paying six figures in tax like legit and like it's a joke how much companies don't so I couldn't get an English bank account like business bank account they wouldn't have me money because it was dirty money but it was like I'm paying six figures in tax more taxing plays like starbucks in that but I'm the illegitimate person that we don't want in your bank oh my dirty money is no good when I'm paying the tax on it but then there's like all these other scams going on where like other people are like getting away with it and I just it really annoys me that we're tired with the brush that like we're not good enough to like have all money in their bank and you know what I mean like you just really do get like threat differently and stuff like that how was it going speaking to a psychologist for the first time? oh god I'm feeling the baby crying it was really hard she said you don't even know where to start like you're jumping from this problem to that problem to that problem I've got like probably six years maybe he's longer bottled up in there and it's just trying to like decide what you want to talk about first really but I came away really like drained and like to be honest I was supposed to go back and I haven't been back yet I need to go back that's part of my 30 day challenge to get back to my therapy but it's just really awful like drag everything up again do you know what I mean? but you can't always hide from it hide from it and place it in a re-box and shove it down that re-box eventually opens up and the most unexpected times now to heal you must face every problem you've ever came across that you thought I don't want to face it so I'll put it away it always comes to a head but the amazing thing is that you're doing it, you're putting the work out what happens is man you then be the light for other people who's now battling listen I fucking repeat myself constantly we're all battling so many people watch these programmes and watch these shows that are different opinions everybody struggles as no matter who you are, we all struggle you've got the big gaff, you're doing well for yourself no matter if you're a billionaire entrepreneur, porn star joiner, footballer, politician well battle I can sit at anybody on a table no matter their background and we can fucking lay it on the line so it just goes to show that no matter who you are, we struggle but honestly I'm proud of you for making those adjustments and changes when you're going to go back and see this women again I'm going to text her today I'll try and get booked in for like next week but I think the thief of joy is everybody comparing on Instagram the bodies on Instagram aren't real the lives on Instagram aren't real the money on Instagram certainly isn't real you're literally envying envying is that a real word you're envious of something that doesn't exist like people obviously look at my life and think it's perfect and stuff and yes I've got the houses and the cars bags or whatever but you need to stop thinking that's going to make you happy because chasing them things really doesn't make you happy I've said this probably already but I just want anyone who's younger than me who's listening to this or anyone who thinks I really want her life you don't like your life can be probably happier than mine in a way some people will have a happier life than me you just need to find the happiness in the normal things in life like me going for walks with my dogs and my baby and you know just eating nice food and that's where your happiness comes when you're just happy doing these basic things that don't particularly cost anything could even be free like the best things in life going for walks in the sun I don't know how to say it when people realise that don't be losing yourself chasing something that ultimately doesn't make you happy in the long run Where does Chelsea Ferguson go from here? I just want to be a better mum a better friend a better person a better person to myself find happiness within me and what me and him both deserve if I meet somebody in the future my goal would be to be confident soba meet somebody soba and actually feel confident enough have sex soba just be more comfortable confident I think people just over the years dragged all my confidence out when I was 18 young spring chicken I thought I was stunning literally like no lips, no teeth and I thought I was gorgeous I really did and then the older I got and the more people who knew I was knocked the confidence out of me she's ugly, she's minging old fancy ass, she's a dog there's all these horrible tweets about me and I slowly but surely believe them until I start getting all the surgery and the lip fillers and the teeth and the Botox and the tits and the lipo and the nose job, I've literally had it all because people just sag me off and I know even probably when people see this now I'm probably going to get some comments but it's so hard to accept who you are when everybody's telling you that you will glean stuff like that so I don't know it's just I just want to be happy you know why I am and not care about what other people say but you're doing the right steps to do that all the surgery, all the bullshit again is another mask now I know people, it is another mask an awful old wear off that shit after a couple of days but once you start growing confidence in yourself the reason why you do that is by fucking exercising going for a nice walk, staying away from the toxic things the toxic friends, the toxic family members staying away from the drink, the drugs because that fucks with your central nervous system that's just facts man it really fucks with your mindset and now we do those things it gives us a confidence is if we don't care but let's fucking start, listen if people can let me in their rooms and I'm on dinner Tuesday to fill them after I've come down instead of the photos on a Sunday a Saturday and Sunday night they're all on Instagram loving life all chipping in for a bottle of water to sit in a booth and pretend that they're big balling I think we need to tell everybody that you actually came down to do this podcast a few weeks ago and I was pissed so he said he wouldn't do it he pissed you off and I was like I think I rang you the next day or the day after and I see if you were still speaking to me because I thought you pissed off for me but I just really apologise for that because it was unprofessional but I've never had to be professional in my life so it's hard for me to try and get a grip on real reality of right you're a mum now, you shouldn't be getting pissed you should be sticking to deadlines you should be not letting people down when they've got busy schedules this is not on really that you came back I'm not really fucking anybody over every guest that comes on my show is just a natural chat there's no big notes here we're just talking like I wouldn't have anybody on the show drunk I would never want to embarrass anybody that's not my intention because people will be watching thinking if you're drunk thinking what a fucking idiot I know you're a good person, I've spoke to you soba not many times but I have people will get a different opinion and they'll see that she's sound as fuck this is what it's all about I can make people present their best self to me without any bullshit without trying to fuck anybody over the reason why I can get the calibre of guests is because my name is very high out there I don't fuck people over people can say what they want they can judge, they can have their opinion of me I know I'm solid, I know my side of the road is clean I know my soul is pure I still make mistakes, I still fuck about but I am good man I'm a judgey bastard maybe not say it to your face but I've got a lot to say about people's backs you say it to my face I think that's the best though plant the seeds, you are better I'm not a guy who's going to come in and get everybody I was very good at getting people drunk as well and getting everybody mad why are you fucking leaving and that lock doors nobody's getting out I want a party for three days when people are leaving I get upset but it's just to give people to see the world a bit differently you don't need to hide from your pain the reason I'm not learning from books I'm talking from experience now I've lived some shit, I've done a lot of shit and I'm making the changes to then become a better individual it is difficult, I still battle but you've now got to understand how far you've come you're still young, you're making mass changes now which is a beautiful thing you've got the experience to live from it it's only going to make your life better 1 million percent you start seeing things differently and your confidence grows and then people start treating you better you're going wide so you treat me better because you're attracting better you're still going to get assholes coming in your life people are still trying to test me but my life's going too good to retaliate as much as I'd love to sometimes people say lepers can't change their spots that's not true but I don't change all the spots I've still got that killer instinct I will always fucking fight my case but life can be a beautiful thing we don't need to retaliate we don't need to feed the energy into other people my life's going too good for a minute of you I'm an amazing people I'm sitting in fucking big gaps I still can't get an iron though from my fucking shit but life is good for anybody that's maybe battling Chelsea that's maybe going through a bit of depression that's maybe masking their shit with alcohol what advice would you give for them? I can't really preach about the alcohol because it's been like my second day but I just think I have been the lowest of low I've been really low I've had loads of money I've been really happy when I've had nothing I was one of the happiest days of my life when I worked at McDonald's when you've got hardly any responsibilities but if people listening who are suicidal I know people always say go and talk to someone but it's just not as easy as that when I at the day I tried to kill myself when I was in hospital I'd actually been on a night out and had the best night and then I still went home and did that so I feel like it's hard to stuff like that when people say oh why didn't my friend tell me stuff like that they didn't tell because they didn't want to and it's hard to open up some times but I just want you to know that it does 1 million percent always get better and you do always come out the other side it might take a while but you do come out the other side and it is still hard and I've obviously still got my demons and battling tears back all the time but you do get happy again life goes on so don't make stupid decisions end your life when you will be happy again basically What do you think about that now when you try to kill yourself? I just think I don't know obviously there was nothing even really dramatic that had happened like it was just a proper like build up of random things and yeah I was only about 18 at the time so can I out for help how was that 100% you wanted to go? I don't know maybe now looking back cry for help but I was in hospital for like four or five days and it was just awful put my family through that and stuff but that was like one of the turning points of my life to get me to where I am now because I had finished college and I was just didn't working in a pub and it was just like I just felt that my life was a dead end like 18 come on and I just wanted to like at that point I just thought there was nothing to live for which is silly but after I tried to kill myself my best friend Jackie lived he moved down to Sheffield to go to uni there so I went I'm going to come visit you and I went to there and it was so random there was like this place with all these waterfalls like I can't remember the name but it's in the city centre of Sheffield and I just sat there and I looked around I was like life is beautiful like what am I doing I'm going to apply to uni and I'm going to come move down yet and I don't think I would have done that if I hadn't tried to kill myself so I'm like glad in a way that I didn't do that because it was like a turning point for me to like make a change so then I moved to Sheffield and then obviously that's when I started dancing and my whole life changed so like it took something as drastic as that to get me down there do you know what I mean Sometimes it does though, sometimes you've got to go through the darkness to find you're late now We never know what's round the corner I can preach all this shit and say this is a great life man I could be fucking I could be on the eggers I could be standing on the fucking top of a bridge tomorrow with a boat like Jack Daniels you don't know but it's trying to enjoy the present moment sometimes don't try and concentrate on the finishing line and constantly search constantly search for more followers more money and all the fucking bullshit and try to enjoy the present moment which I know you're trying to read the power of now as well which listen if a common holiday is telling your story because I know how emotional you do get but you are phenomenal, you are beautiful you're, I wouldn't say intelligent but you've got a business fucking mindset where you're absolutely caning it now making those adjustments in your life people are going to start seeing a different Chelsea Ferguson they're going to fucking own it but your mum will be proud everything that you've done everything that you're achieving and the changes that you're making now I'm proud of you you've got a friend for life and I love you keep strong and I look forward to seeing the rest of your future mate Thank you Check out more of my podcasts on the right and be sure to like share and comment your thoughts on this week's podcast Thank you