 The Craft Foods Company presents The Great Guildersleeve. It's The Great Guildersleeve starring Harold Perry, brought to you by The Craft Foods Company, makers of Far-K Margeron and a complete line of famous quality food products. We take you now to Summerfield, home of that prominent figure and humble servant of the people, Rock Morton P. Guildersleeve, who is to be found this morning as every morning seated at the breakfast table fortifying himself for the day's work ahead. Leroy, if I might trouble you again for the marmalade. Marmalade coming through. Heads up, Maud. Uncle Maud, it's loaded with sugars. I know that. I shouldn't really be eating any. But just a smidgen to finish off my toast. I suppose now you want another piece of toast. Well, one piece perhaps to go with my marmalade. There goes another New Year's resolution. Oh, I can get in the fighting trim very quickly, my dear, once I put my mind to it. Yes, Bertie? Shall I pour you a second cup? Or you want to give me an argument first? Well, I know I shouldn't, but just a small one, Bertie. You know, just to... I know just to wash down the toast and marmalade. Say when? You know, when it comes to breakfast, Bertie, I'm afraid you spoil me. Don't take no help from me. Oh, that's enough. My gracious, you poured me a full cup there, Bertie. I said say when. Well, as long as you poured it, you wouldn't do the wasting any, would it? At the beginning tomorrow, Bertie, one cup only. One cup. Every blessed morning we go through this. No, my dear, I don't think that's quite fair. It's true, isn't it? Well, I get hungry. Hey, you! Hey! Where? Where is it? Why didn't you say so instead of screaming like a maniac? Well, don't frighten us to death. Better open the window there, Bertie. Yes, sir. Open the window. Close the window. Is this too well done for you, Anki? Well done. It's burnt to a crisp. Okay, I'll make you another piece. Don't trouble yourself, my dear. Seems I can't eat even a piece of thin, dry toast without general disapproval around here. Seems I'm to be denied even a crust of bread. Don't bother to make me another piece, my dear. I couldn't eat it. It would turn to ashes in my mouth. If not before. Now, stop carrying on. It's already in the toaster. Yeah, but you haven't turned it on. Oh, there. I could starve for all anybody seems to care. But don't mind me. I'm nobody. You just pay the bills around here. You darn right. The doorbell, Bertie. I heard it. Under who that is. Hooker? Oh, 20-9. You better get a move on, too, kids. That's you. Look at that. Will somebody please take the responsibility of watching the toast? I'm sorry, auntie. I guess my mind was somewhere else. Your mind is always somewhere else. If you could just find out where it is and move there. Oh, now, don't be a cross. That's... Well, I'm sorry about this, Leela. But the way things have been going here this morning, I've hardly been able to get a bite to eat. You're already late for school. All of your nail polish. Thank you, Marjorie. Ruth did me this time. I couldn't get there. Come on. You've been avoiding me lately. Avoiding you? Yes, you have now. I haven't seen you in days. Well, I've been busy at the office. I tried to call you last night and you weren't in there. Well, last night I was doing something else. You see... Oh, it doesn't matter in the least. I wanted to tell you that you'd better start being a little bit nice to me now because I'm coming into money. Money? I might wait downtown right this minute to try on a Persian lamb coat. Oh, Throgmorton, I'm so excited. I wasn't going to tell anybody till it happened, but I just can't help it. Well, wait a minute. Where is this money coming from? Well, that's the thing. I was thinking about that. It could be Annie Poo. She isn't so terribly old, but she married real well. I just hate to have a go, of course, but we all have to go sometime, don't we? And, uh, I always was her favorite niece. Leela, I don't understand this. Where did you get the idea that you were coming into money? Oh, Grace's. I didn't tell you about Mr. Sartorius. Sartorius? What? Sartorius! Sartorius? Who's he? Oh, well, he's just wonderful. Everybody who's been to him says so. Grace Pettibone, she went to him and the things he told her. Well, she said it was simply uncanny. What does the man do? He tells you things that are going to happen. You mean he's a mind reader, a fortune teller? Oh, Grace's. No, nothing like that. Well, I wondered. This man reads your palm. Oh, brother. Oh, but he's really wonderful. Well, how do you know? Because he told me I was coming into money. Definitely. Within three months, you will come into a sum of money. That's what he said. And that in itself is uncanny because I was just wishing I had some money. But, Leela... And that's not all. He told Grace Pettibone her son was going to be discharged from the army and he was last week. Of course he was. The war's over. They're all going to be discharged sooner or later. It doesn't take a mind reader to guess that. You'd say, Throckmorton, you're so conservative. That's why you've never gotten anywhere. Oh? Oh, but you see, when I'm wearing my new Persian Lime and driving around town in my new blue convertible, you wish you'd listened. Convertible? Leela, you didn't put any money down. I'm having a demonstration this afternoon. Look, Leela, do me a favor. You don't have to listen to anything I say. But before you get in any deeper, talk this over with Judge Hooker. Oh, Grace, he's worse than you. If we don't put a stop to this judge, we'll wind up having to bail Leela out. Quiet. How can I tell a foe? You know how she gets around you. She spends money and it's us who'll pay. Oh, thank you, Sergeant. No, no, never mind. Well? Well, what'd he say? The chief isn't there. He's down at the barbershop. Yeah, the chief is never there. If this town had any kind of a police department horse, a man like this palm reader couldn't even open up shop. They'd run him right out of town. It's not quite as simple as that, my friend. Under the law, a man is presumed to be innocent or proven guilty. But the man is a faker. Possibly so. But can we prove it? Is there any evidence to that effect? I just told you. I know. The man is a faker. That is an assertion. It is not evidence. It's a fact. That's what it is. But how do we know? I just told you twice. Guilty. I say again, that is an assertion. And merely repeating it does not lend it weight. Look, Judge, the man is a faker. You know it and I know it. Well, don't we? To the best of our knowledge and belief. Stop hedging. He's a faker. All right, let's get him out of town. Guilty. These things can't be done overnight. The law has its delays. And wisely so. Oh, you lawyers make me sick. A palm reader, and he's got your buffalo. Why, before you and the chief get moving, well, it wouldn't surprise me to see the city hall taken over by gypsies. Hi, commissioner. Hello, Floyd. Where's the chief? Right under here, right under the tower. Well, unveil him. I want to talk to him. At you, commissioner? Well, hello there. Come on, sit up. I got something I want to say to you. Anything you can't say to me, Landon? Yes, you've been laying down on a job all together too much lately. Now, commissioner, is that nice? Hoist me, Floyd. There you are. What's the beef, commissioner? Gates, this town is full of racketeers. Well, that's news to me. Let me tell you how to run the water department. Somebody better. Only joking, commissioner. You stay out of this, Floyd. If you ask me, commissioner, the department has a pretty good record this past year. A pretty good record. That's telling him, chief. We made more arrests than any previous year, except two. I know. Illegal parking. There isn't a legal place to park in the whole city. That's telling him, commissioner. Listen, what is it that you're after anyway? There's a fellow I want run out of town. Well, we'll certainly tend to that, commissioner. Yes, sir, right away. Is there any particular reason or do you just not like the guy? The man's a crook, a faker. He calls himself a palm reader. But if you ask me, he's running some kind of a confidence game. And if you were on the job instead of lying here, getting your pack-faced massaged... Commissioner, let's not be calling names, shall we? That can only lead to nothing but hard-peeling. Well, confounded, why aren't you doing something about it? Now, don't you worry, will you? We have our eye on all these fellas. We're watching them. Yeah, and while you watch them, they're swindling innocent women on State Street in broad daylight. Anybody we know? Mrs. Ransom, for one. Oh, hey, how's she been lately? I haven't seen you in her, uh... She's fine. This, uh, this fella's on State Street, you say, this palm reader? I thought you had your eye on him. He's next to the candy store there. Next to the candy store, eh? Oh, it's very interesting. I don't know what's so interesting about it. Well, we put these things together. We have our methods. If you think he's going to tunnel into the candy store and break into the juju bees, you're crazy. That isn't his racket. But what is his racket? I don't know. Why don't you put a cop on him and find out? Well, I'm kind of shorthanded at the moment. There's only one man I could put on the case, and I've got him guarding an excavation. Who's going to steal an excavation? Mayor's orders. He's afraid somebody will fall in and sue the setting. Well, of all that crooks and hoodlums all over the place, and the only able-bodied cop in town is standing in a mud hole. You run your department like a flat foot. What, you're... Commissioner, that's a word I take exception to. That's all you are. A typical flat foot. If I couldn't run the department better than that... All right, if you know so much, why don't you go out and get the evidence on this guy? Why, George, I could, but... All right, all right, go ahead. You bring us the evidence and we'll put that guy in the jug and we'll spin. Yeah, Commissioner, why don't you? Well, suppose he suspected I was up to something. Oh, you've got nothing to worry about. He'd never take you for anything but a politician. I'm to shake him down, maybe. Oh, thank you, Floyd Munson. I don't know that I'm crazy about going there alone, though. Suppose the fellow was armed. Floyd'll go with you. Oh, well, hold on now. I don't know. I got the shop here. Well, make your deputies, both of you. Then you'll have the law behind you. Raise your right hand. Yeah. You too, Floyd. Okay. You do solemnly swear to uphold the laws of chartered cities some filter off you. It's done. What is that, Latin? You mean we're deputies? You're deputies. Well, what do you know? Where's the badge? Well, here. Here, I'll lend you mine. But don't lose it. I'll pin it on my chest. There. How do I look? Well, I'll be darned. Now you look exactly like a flat foot. Oh! The Great Guilty Slave will be back in a few moments. You know, on work days, most of us don't find time to thoroughly enjoy breakfast. In our house, for example, there always seems to be a mad scramble. At our house, too, Mr. Lange. But I try to see that my family gets a proper start for the day by selecting foods which provide plenty of nourishment. And, as most women know, the food you serve with bread and hot toast is one of the most nourishing foods on your breakfast menu. Millions of women have found that Parquet Margarine has both the nourishment and flavor that satisfies early morning appetites. Well, Parquet's flavor is certainly delicious when it's melting into piping hot toast. Yes, on toast, pancakes, or waffles, Parquet is still unmatched for flavor. And Parquet Margarine is one of the best energy foods you can buy. It's made from wholesome, highly refined vegetable oils. And to help produce that sweet, dairy-like flavor for which Parquet is famous, Kraft blends in freshly pasteurized cultured skim milk. So, even if you do have to hurry through breakfast, make it a good nourishing one by including delicious, economical Parquet Margarine. That's P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet Margarine. Made by Kraft. Dave Somerfield, from the depredations of Sartorius the palm reader, he has organized a private safari to smoke him out. The expedition consists of Gildersleeve and Foyd Munson, whom we pick up now as they approach the Swami's place of business. Well, what do we do now, Commissioner? We go in. What do you think? Sure. Okay. Sure, let's go in. Well, admit I... I don't like them black curtains in the window. Anything could go on behind a curtain like that. That's silly. Black curtain. Part of the show. This fellow is in business, Foyd. He's got to treat us like any other suckers. Well, take that badge off your vest. It's sticking out. Oh, I thought it might scare him a little. He thinks you're a cop. He'll shoot you. Stick it in your back pocket. Okay. I'll come on. All right. I guess we can handle him between us. There won't be anything to handle. Don't worry. He's got one of those bells when we open the door. It's like P.V. Yeah, but where is everybody? The new gentleman. You wish you're reading from Sartorius? Yes, we do. If you will kindly be seated, I will ask the master to see you. Thank you. Yeah, thanks. I know what you're thinking, Foyd, but don't say it. I bet you were thinking the same thing, wasn't you, Commissioner? Maybe I was. Maybe I wasn't. Kindly remember what we're here for. Oh, I know. She's just part of the act. Well, I'll let a dame like that read mighty leaves any day. Shut up. Here comes somebody. Gentlemen, Sartorius greets you. Sartorius welcomes you. Sartorius awaits your pleasure. Well, we just want a reading if that's what you call it, my friend and I. You both wish reading? Yeah, both of us. Two bucks a piece, that right? Sartorius's fee is two dollars for a complete reading of the palm past, present and future. Paid in advance? That is Sartorius's policy. Well, here's five dollars for both of us. You got change? Sartorius never carries money. Kalinga! Kalinga! Yes, master? And the music. Yes, master. And now, sir, your hand. Showed. No, no, no, no, the right hand. The left hand is not yours. The left hand is not mine. Right hand is not yours. Well, then, I'll give you the money. Okay. All right then. Thank you. Thank you. And now, sir, your hand. Showed. Oh, no, no, no, no. The right hand. Oh, the left hand is the hand of birth, the unwritten scroll. The right is the hand of development. The right hand shows what we have made of ourselves, how we have used our opportunities. Yeah, I never knew that. Did you ever know that, Mr. Gu... Quiet, Floyd. Let's get on with it. Hmm. A very interesting answer. You must do some kind of highly skilled work. A dentist? A doctor? No, but you're close. Sartorius will now examine the lifeline. Long and full. Long and full. You were seriously ill when you were about 15? Well, not so very serious. Chicken pox. It may have been more serious than you think. Still, you will live a long time. Oh, gee, that's good. Will it make any money? You will prosper steadily. You will continue in your present profession. You are married, are you not? Yep, married 12 years. Uh, does the name Tutsi mean anything to you? Nope. Curious. There's something about your hand that suggests the name Tutsi. Wait a minute. When I and the wife started going together, I called her Tutsi. Well, what do you know? Then your wife will be the only woman in your life. Yeah? Oh, well. That is all, sir. Sartorius has spoken. That's all. Boy, that's a fast $2. Sartorius has spoken. Now, the other gentleman, please. Get up, Floyd. Get up. Move over. It's my turn. Yeah. Yeah. Right hand? Yes. The right hand is the hand of development. The right hand shows what we have made of ourselves. Yeah, I heard all that. Go on with the reading. Sartorius will read the past, the present, and the future. Sartorius will... No, no. Stop the music. What's the matter? Sartorius will be unable to read the gentleman's palm. Unable? Why? There are some things man must not know. But what is it you don't want to tell me? Kalinga. Yes, Master? Return the gentleman's fee, please. Now, wait a minute. Are you trying to scare me? Sartorius has spoken. Your $2, sir. But I... Good day, gentlemen. The door, Kalinga. Good day, gentlemen. So long. Wait a minute. I've got a right. Oh! They know you, Commissioner. They locked us out. Come on, let's get out of here. All right, but by George now I'm convinced he's a swindler. Well, I ain't so sure now. He's crooked. Why didn't he take your $2? Too smart. He knew I was someone important and he didn't dare. No, no. He was going to read your hand, but then he looked at it and it stopped him cold. But why? I don't know. I heard of cases where they won't read your hand because you're going to... Well, because something's going to happen here. Something going to happen? Like what? I knew a fellow they wouldn't read his hand. Next day he fell out of an eight-story window, broke both legs and his neck. Kill him? You said it. Well, I don't care. This fellow Sartorius is nothing but a faker. Yeah? He knew I had chicken pox? No, he didn't. You told him. Well, what about Tootsie? Can't get around that. You could have heard about that. Not a chance. I ain't thought of the name in 10 years. Don't exactly fit her anymore, you know. Well, it's still no miracle. Tootsie's one of the commonest nicknames there is. Everybody that ever lived had, well, he knew a girl named Tootsie. Have you? No. All right then. Let's give credit where credit is due. The guys are pretty fair fortune teller. I should have known better than to take you on a scientific investigation like this. You're stupid, ignorant, and superstitious. Superstitious? Commissioner, I think that's going a little far. All right, think it. Now on, I'll handle this thing myself. Let Christmas be, be, be, be, be, be, be. Whenever it's too early to call you up for supper. May your days be merry and bright, and may all your Christmas. Well, hello, Mr. Gellislave. What can I do you for this evening? Joke me no jokes, PV. I'm not in the mood. How about a nice cherry phosphate? Great, pepper opera, they tell me. Think more than a cherry phosphate to help me. I've been trying to save the community, PV. And the community doesn't want to be saved. Well, that's the way of the world, Mr. Gellislave. What particular reform have you been working on? Been trying to run a swindler out of town, that's all. And I get no cooperation from the courts, no cooperation from the police department, no help from anybody. Who's the swindler, anybody I know? Well, you may have heard of him. His fellow calls himself Sartorius. Claims to be a palm reader. Oh, Mrs. PV spoke to him just yesterday. Well, I hope she hasn't gone to consult him. Don't let her go near him, PV. The man's a common swindler. Nobody can predict the future you know darn well. Well, I wouldn't say that. PV, there's no such thing as being, well, too open-minded. Now, I know you believe there are two sides to every question. That's me. But on some questions, intelligent people ought to agree. Now, surely you're not superstitious. No, no, no. I mean supernatural stuff, palm reading, telling fortunes with cards, crystal ball, gazers, and so on. You don't believe in that kind of stuff, do you? I wouldn't say I believe in it. No, on the other hand. On the other hand, she had warts. I tell you, PV, there are no two sides to this question. Are there? Well, if you don't want to hear what I was going to say. Not if it's some supernatural theory. No theory, Mr. Gilderfield, just fine. Now, my cousin married a woman that claims she had the gift of second sight. She claims she had it. So what? What if I claim I can fly? Nobody'd believe it. But if you don't want to hear what my cousin's wife did one time, just say so. I'm not one of these fellas that likes to talk, just to hear himself talk, you know. I'm sorry, PV. Go ahead. Tell me about your cousin's wife. Well, one day she went on a little trip. And coming home, all of a sudden she had this vision. She saw her husband drowning. My cousin. What do you mean? She saw him drowning. Just like a picture, she said. There he was in the water going down for the third time. So she rushed home. And when she got there, what do you think she found? He was washing his hands. He was washing the car. Well, he was. Forget it, PV. You know when I came in here, I was a little worried. I'll admit that. I want to see this fellow sartorius thinking to get some evidence against him, and he refused to read my palm. You don't say. Yeah. He even refunded my money. It is all part of the act, don't you see? Wouldn't say that. If that fella gave up $2, he must know something. He knows there's one born every minute. That's all. Good night, PV. And thanks for cheering me up. He he he. Ah, bourgeois. All right, Leroy. You've been stalling around long enough. Now go to bed. I'm not at least so I can find them in the morning. Very laudable. But these inspirations have got to strike you earlier, my boy. Now beat it. OK. And that doesn't mean reading in bed for an hour, either. Lights out. Gosh, why did you have to think of that? Huh? Oh, thanks. Uh-huh. Leroy, I'm perfectly capable of answering my- Hello, Leroy. Leroy. What's happened, Leroy? The money. I got a wire. Some old stocks at Beauregard left me. It suddenly was good enough. From the Great Gilded Sleeve again in just a moment. A little while ago, I was talking about the hurry up breakfast many of us have on workdays. Now, I think it's equally true that we try to enjoy a leisurely breakfast on Sunday. Most of us want something a little different for Sunday breakfast, such as pancakes, waffles, French toast, or hot breads. And to make these good foods really hit the spot, I'd like to recommend that you try spreading them with Parquet Margarine. Here's a spread that millions prefer for its fresh, sweet flavor. And on hot foods, Parquet Margarine really proves why it's still unmatched for flavor. Another wonderful thing about Parquet is that you can enjoy this fine-flavored margarine for only about half the price of costly spreads. Try it soon. That's P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet Margarine, the quality spread for bread made by the craft foods company. Of course, it's probably just a coincidence. But anyway, Lila, what the heck? We all got to go sometime. Here today and gone tomorrow. What I say is, if you've only got a short time to live, you might as well make the most of it. I think you're right, Rockmullet. Yes, sir. Low for bread, a jug of wine, and vow. Eat, drink, and be merry. Hey, hey. Hey, Lila. That's right. Lila, would you go to church with me tomorrow? The Great Guilder Slave is played by Harold Perry. It is written by John Whedon and Sam Moore. The music is by Jack Nican. This is John Lang speaking for the Craft Foods Company and inviting you to listen in again next week for the further adventures of the Great Guilder Slave. Now, a parting reminder. Don't forget to buy those delicious prepared mustards and crafts famous line of quality food. First, there's a tangy golden craft salad mustard, the one that adds such flavor zest to salad dressings, gravies, barbecue sauce, and cooked egg and cheese dishes. Second, there's a sharper variety. Craft mustard with nippy horseradish added for zipping up the flavor of frankfurters and for blending into tasty sauces for fish. Buy both kinds and please the whole family. Ask for craft horseradish mustard and craft salad mustard. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.