 G'day mate 40 here last Friday night. God There's a There's a stranger in my bed. There's a pounding in my head There's glitter all over the room There's pink flamingos in the pool. I smell like a mini bar DJs passed out in the yard Barbie's on the barbecue Is this a hickey or a bruise? I Mean pictures of last night ended up online. I'm screwed. Oh, well It's a blacked-out blur, but I'm pretty sure it ruled Damn So last Friday night We danced on tabletops We took too many shots think we kissed but I forgot last Friday night Yeah, we maxed out our credit cards. We got kicked out of the bar. So we hit the boulevard last Friday night He went streaking in the park who went skinny dipping in the dark Then we had a menage or a menage a twat last Friday night. Yeah, I think we broke the law and Always say we're gonna stop I'm trying to connect the dots Don't know what to tell my boss. I think the city towed my car Chandelier is on the floor rip my favorite party dress warrants out for my arrest Think I need a ginger ale that was such an epic fail Okay, last Friday night Katy Perry ladies and gentlemen. Wow What a song I mean so much energy in that song her her songs of great energy and you can dance to them and Just brings me to how I like to spend my Sunday mornings with the big book of Alcoholics and honor this I like to sit down and think okay. Why do I want to do this work? Why do I want to do this work now? and In what areas of my life am I being dishonest? so I've had had some challenges Over the past week and I was able to reframe these challenges this morning. It's like oh, I'm gonna use these challenges to be the best that I can be Let me let me use these challenges to lift my game to be to be a better man God this chapter 4 we agnostic so what I do is I read through the big book and With those three questions in mind. Why do I want to do this work? Why do I want to do this work now? Where am I being dishonest so why do I want to do this work because I want to be more functional I want to be more adult. I want to experience more of life. I don't want to live such a small cramped You know life in the cave All right, I'm 56 years of age. I want to grow up So this is the challenge to be doomed to an addict's death or to live on a spiritual basis All right, that's the that's the presentation here and so though I Didn't feel like I was you know verging ever verging on death from my addictions I definitely felt discouraged depressed and I noticed how The toll of my troubles and dysfunctions and malfunctions and bad behavior the toll it was taking on me So that it made it more and more difficult to make good decisions and then the downward spiral It was easy to get caught and I keep going down down down like increasingly isolated and then to deal with the pain of isolation detaching into a world of fantasy and And When when reality becomes too painful to spend more and more time in fantasy the more time I spend in fantasy the less Functional I become in reality So that was the downward spiral that I often found myself in So I had to find a spiritual basis for life or else and God I hate that term spiritual Like I thought I'd I'd settle that term a long time ago Spiritual okay, I I took Dennis Prager's definition that Spirituality is a way to try to get the benefits from organized religion without paying the price of organized religion so I thought I'd had this settled like 20 years before but My my approach to life didn't cut it like the things I was doing converting to Judaism Being a good Dennis Prager acolyte just wasn't dealing with my crippling emotional addictions And then this is a sentence that I just started journaling on this morning If a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome addiction Many of us would have recovered long ago So I thought if I just adopted a new code of morality like Dennis Prager morality ethical monotheism Orthodox Judaism Talmudic morality if I just adopt you know Talmudic morality I'd get my life sorted out But this is what I found your mileage may vary These codes and these philosophies did not save me no matter how much I tried them and how many I tried All right kept trying different codes of morality different philosophies of life New approaches to self-help Therapy took on different causes different habits None of it really cut it for me. I wish to be moral. I wish to be philosophically confident. I Wished all those things with all my might, but the needed power to change my life was not there Right my mere human resources marshaled by my will was not sufficient. In fact, they failed me utterly So lack of power that was my dilemma Like how do I get the power to do the things that I need to do that? I'm not naturally inclined to do so for example I'm not particularly a detailed person And I'm not the type of bloke you want checking the engines before the plane takes off Good afternoon, Mr. East Coast All right, so where do I get the power to do the things I need to do such as To be a good employee, right? I find it useful to think of being an employee is like being a slave like for 40 hours a week All right, I'm there to be the instrument of my employer So this is a medical device. It tells me my blood oxygen level. All right. This is a device It's it's an instrument and I'm gonna be a good employee. I have to learn to be an instrument of my employer Where am I gonna find the power to subject my ego and and Subject myself destructive impulses so that I can be a good instrument for my employer So what I do is I start a new job and go okay this time I'm not gonna talk inappropriately to women. I'm not gonna talk inappropriately to men I'm not getting to try to get distracted from my job tasks by carrying on deep and heavy and meaningful Conversations with people in the workplace when I'm at work. I'm only gonna do work. I'm not gonna do these side things and all my Dedications or my vows or my new codes of morality my my new philosophies of life just didn't cut it So I was continually getting in trouble for the for the sexually provocative and otherwise inappropriate things I'd say in the workplace. It's always getting in trouble for doing non-work things in the workplace like working on my book a history of Sex and film well at work Ah Workplaces are just full of liberal office zombies with stupid inner circles. Well, guess what? Workplaces are filled with people like you or me. All right People in work like these stupid liberal zombies. They are more stupid or deluded than you or me All right, they may be stupid and deluded in different ways than we are Right, but I've consistently found in work that there are a lot of people that I can relate to There are people that I can get along with and there are people that I can learn from and I can always learn something about human nature And I can always learn some some practical skills in the workplace I'm not either of those. I've learned to put my head down and just focus on my job, which makes it more boring Why can't you get along with the other liberal zombies in the office? Why can't you talk to them about sports talk to them about the weather talk to them about family? Talk to them about poetry I Thought in the past that I could relate to a co-worker then they turn me into HR What is a tip? Don't ask your co-worker for a blowjob Right desist from asking your co-workers for blowjobs. I don't get into sex politics religion or race in the workplace Sports and weather a lame It's an opportunity to connect with other people tell them about a great poem. You've read Talk to them about their hobbies What's wrong with a good kiss on the lips? You don't have to go stampeding after the clatter us Talk to them about their work history talk to them about their hopes and dreams Talk to them about see some non-offensive humor that you've heard recently Talk to them about a great new TV show or movie Find out where they asked them about if they went to church or So many possibilities for human connection All right, we need a power greater than myself that will solve my problem Damn that spoke to me. So Where was this power so I've always kind of known things that I I can only talk to my boss about economics Well, great talk about economics Talk about business talk about Maybe what competitors are doing talk about the trajectory of the field that you're in Doesn't your boss have people that he cares about 40 lose that old big stretch neck hole black t-shirt my bro. You were better than that Doesn't doesn't your boss have a spouse a family hobbies Liberals don't understand economics. They love government handouts and democracy Well, most economists are liberals. So I am going to differ from you now The proportion of liberals to non liberals in the economics department is a smaller proportion than any other Social science or humanities department. So liberals probably outnumber conservatives probably about two to one in economics while and pretty much any other social science they they tend to outnumber conservatives by like 10 to 1 but Just listening to this Katy Perry song Friday night and thinking about the I follow Peter Schiff. Oh, hey That guy has been wrong on so much Anyway, I was just listening to this Katy Perry song and thinking about that the self-destructive addictive patterns that she describes in there thinking about that the need for power and how I had to let go of my feeling that I had Now completely dealt with the problem of spirituality that oh Spirituality is just a cheap cop out for people looking to get the benefits of organized religion without paying the price of organized religion and Then I came to a way of living that says you have to find a spiritual basis for living or or die Essentially, it's like oh, let me let me think a second time here And I remember the first 12-step meeting I went to and it was in a dingy Room it was not an impressive space and you looked around the people and they were not happy campus by and large So I was in a room with like 30 to 40 And it dingy characters seemed like but then when people started sharing I was able to Relate to some part of everybody's share and then after the meeting I was able to bond with people Had so many things in common with with various blokes in the program And so I found there's a tremendous power in Telling stories and sharing stories of like a common, you know life-crushing Compulsion that we all shared So hearing other people's stories telling my story finding a community like feeling at home like my my fantasy started My fantasy started changing My biggest clients are crazy left lib Isn't there anything that you share a common humanity doesn't your friends family hobbies? That you can you can bond with So finding a home Like just kind of calming down hearing other people tell a similar story to me and seeing how various people have made progress with their compulsions Having this community making friends Having having certain rituals Certain readings having having a literature so it was the whole program. It wasn't just higher power God Right, I pretty much always believed in God except for about four years in my life from 18 to 22 So it wasn't just finding a higher power an abstract higher power it was Hearing God made real in the stories of these fellow sufferers. I mean it was like we'd all survived a plane crash I mean that that's the sort of camaraderie that you can get in 12-step programs And then having a common way of life Steps tools Traditions, you know philosophies, you know social gatherings Hanging out with people before meetings after meetings having having an opportunity to be of service Which makes you feel feel good like if you ever feel really bad Responsible frequently tell you that go out on the street and pick up some trash And then if you still feel bad pick up more trash and just keep picking up Trash on your street till you feel better. I need some Stevie Winwood higher love in my life or find a 12-step program I mean That's that's what worked for me. I mean I immediately started calming down Immediately started feeling happier. I immediately was then able to start making better decisions and my fantasy life like calm down from like Marquis de Sade levels to You know PG-13 levels And so like what was the power It was it was a power of where I could contribute that I had a home and I could go and I could contribute I could be a valuable part of this community and that I could walk the path that other people had walked and It was simple. It wasn't easy, but I saw that I could do it Like I read the steps and I read the tools and I heard people's stories and I was like, oh, yeah I can do this and So I had long thought I just I just need a new coat of morals. I just need a better philosophy of life I just need some tweaks in my psychotherapy. I just need a new self-help book But what I needed was power and power comes from connection with other people and I found 12 steps Meetings a really good way to connect with other people I get on the same page with other people create a shared reality with other people Form bonds with people get phone numbers call people regularly and then I was able to take these connections with me everywhere I went so even when I'm alone here at my room It's my connections that are still with me It's like, oh, you know, I can't wait to tell my friend Hi, I'm about this and I'm gonna talk tell my friend Lavey about this book that I'm reading and and John will be off to relate to this challenge that I had this week and Now wonder what advice Peter would have in this situation or oh my god I think I'm experiencing right now something that That Cohen told me about you know years ago and I couldn't understand what he was saying But now now finally I relate so I'm gonna make some notes and I really want to talk to Cohen about this and So by building bonds in 12th step group those bonds would walk with me I'd walk down the street and I'd have a sense of those connections and looking forward to seeing people at the meeting that afternoon So that's how I was able to find access to a power that was sufficient to to help me, you know grapple and overcome These compulsions and emotional addictions that have been crushing my life. Bye. Bye