 Hey everybody so yeah be warned this is going to be a completely unedited uncensored video so if you Don't like foul language You might want to turn the video off But yeah, as you saw from the title one of my really good friends passed away from a heroin overdose I just found out and There's a few reasons I'm making this video Now rather than Days from now or a week from now Because my channel, you know, I want to teach you guys To open up and talk about how you're feeling and I try to lead by example with that, but I also want people to know about This fucking disease of addiction. I want you know I initially started this channel to increase awareness about just all sorts of mental illness and struggles and all of that and And yeah, like if you are an addict in recovery like my friend Jeremiah was Like I hope you learn from this if you're an addict who is still in active addiction. I Hope you learn from this. I hope you see How it affects people in your lives? If you are the loved one of somebody with an addiction I want you to know that This can happen at any time Addiction doesn't care. It doesn't wait for a convenient time. It doesn't give you warning um But yeah, I want people to understand what what this is like So I don't know. Oh, I guess I'll share about how I met Jeremiah. How I know him Um, we met when I started working at the rehab company. I was working for for a few years And he was actually hired right before me and he was uh, he was the first one they hired for this alumni position I was the second one and We we clicked right away and um, you know, he had been clean for a couple years. His drug of choice was heroin and um And yeah, we talked and like as our team kind of like grew and you know, because we were the first two we were both guys and then like There we hired more women but like Jeremiah and I were like, we were the only two dudes on the team so we like would talk about it and stuff but anyways, um Yeah, we got close. We got tight. He would call me to vent about stuff. I would call him And you know, I love that dude and when we would like when I would go out to Nashville because he was originally from Dallas Not originally from Dallas, but he was in Dallas when I first met him Then he went out to Nashville, but whenever I had a chance to meet up and hang out like just Always had a blast hanging out with him. Just he's one of the guys who You know He's one of the guys who helps me stay clean by knowing that you can have fun In sobriety and we would share like weird war stories about our using days and He was actually a pretty decent freestyle rapper too. He used to post on snapchat and stuff and I was like Damn, he got some skills and I think he even like did some break dancing every now and then but I remember I don't know that he was about two years clean and I think it was new year's eve where he had to slip up And he drank. Okay, so one of the things is for us drug addicts a misconception that we have is that We're drug addicts. So we can still drink So he drank and in 12 step communities and stuff like that messes you up and people say you're not sober That's a relapse. You lose all your time and all of that and Jeremiah ended up moving out to Nashville to our corporate office to be out there and which was Probably for you know, probably for the best like he you know ended up Going out there and he got involved with you know a lot of People in the recovery community. He loved living in sober living with other sober guys and stuff and man like I knew so many people who he helped and who absolutely loved him just he he was like He was just really real and really honest like He ended up going into the admissions department to help people get into treatment and he was great at it Just because he knew and he had been there and and yeah, like it bumps me out right now, especially because I didn't talk to him and maybe a month or two Like since I left the company um And I don't know what struggles he was going through. I don't know and it's just it's just such a bitch Like I make so many videos and something i'm trying to teach all of you is to just Not run away from your feelings not run away from your emotions, but More so getting down to the root and understanding why we feel these ways. Why do we want to escape? Is there anything we can do to prevent these things like that? We're feeling are our our expectations Just completely fucked like do we expect? Certain things out of other people. Why are we getting angry? Why are we getting upset like? and for us drug addicts like What emotion that we like what emotion can we have? That is just so unbearable That we need to turn to substances And you know after finding out about Jeremiah passing these are things that i'm wondering i'm like What were you going through like and this is what I wonder about all the addicts all the alcoholics and I look at myself and I analyze myself in my own addiction like Why was I trying to run from these things? Why are we so afraid to feel? Why do we try to mask it with drugs with alcohol with sex with buying things with gambling? Like why can't we just feel these things, you know And what that's another reason why i'm making this video like i'm feeling these things right now And i'm talking about them. This is this is fucking therapeutic for me You know and I want this to be an example for all of you and something I forgot to mention at the beginning of this video like I know you guys are gonna do it because you love me and I love you for it, but I'm I you know I posted this on you know on twitter and instagram and facebook already And you know i'm already getting people sorry for your loss. Sorry for this and you know That's just one of those things about grieving. It's like That's not that's not what I want. I appreciate it Like go for it if you want to die in the comments. I ain't stopping you But like I want you to learn from this like I try to teach you with every fucking video that I do Every video that I do about Jake Paul or Shane Dawson or whatever I'm trying to get you to learn from these experiences like your condolences are very much appreciated But what can you do? What can you learn from this? Do you have somebody in your life who you are enabling? Is there somebody in your life who is using and you're turning a blind eye to it? Are you somebody who is in recovery and you're thinking about getting loaded, right? Are you somebody who's an active addiction? And you're in that that state of denial or lack of self-awareness Where you don't understand what you're doing to others like what can you take from this situation? That's all i'm trying to do with this channel It's trying to get you guys to just watch things and just learn and say what is happening in my life right now you guys Jeremiah marks. I don't even know I fucking lost count. It's 70 something 73 74 people who I've had die in the last three years A lot of them being clients You know and things like that but a few of the people in that number are people like Jeremiah who were Good friends of mine. You know what I mean and and yeah like It just it it sucks man. It sucks And I just want You know and it sounds all hippie-dippy and stuff and like I just want people to be happy I want people to learn how to deal with their emotions. I want you know, like I don't know. I just wish I wish I could transmit what I have into everybody like Especially people like recovering addicts especially addicts man I can't think I cannot think of a scenario today in which I think Taking a drink or taking a drug would solve my problem. I can't think of one scenario You know and I don't know how I got to this place That's one of the reasons I make these videos and share my experience like I'm trying to document this and maybe something's gonna come out where somebody understands somebody it clicks with somebody where they can Figure it out or decode me like why why why? How did I get to this fucking place where I don't need to put These things in my body to escape how I feel How did I get to this place where I can embrace how I feel? How did I do that? You know and I just I try to give these little like tips in every video and just try to explain that and I don't know one thing about fucking Jeremiah. He was he was stubborn He was stubborn. He liked to do things his own way Little cocky at times, you know, but he also knew how to be humble and he reached out. He knew how to reach out and I don't know man. Like in times like this is just You know, I've had people pass away from suicide and stuff like that too and in times like this is just like what happened like what what happened why you know, not saying that I could have saved him but I was there reach out to me and you know, then my part of my brain, you know Like survivors guilt and all that shit like should I have been reaching out to him? Should I have been talking to him more? You know, have I been all up in my shit? You know what I mean? And there's just so much that we go through, you know And I don't know I might do follow-ups because I know grief is something that a lot of people struggle with but You know, like just really just really try to take lessons from this video try to learn Try to see who you can help like the last thing I'll say in this video like If you're an addict and you're out there using go get fucking help reach out to somebody leave a comment down below Like there's resources out there. You know what I mean? If you have a loved one If you have a loved ones who's struggling get out of your denial quit enabling them Get them help, you know like quit waiting around and like I don't know I can make this video an hour long, but you know Jeremiah was functioning Like I found out from one of our co-workers that he passed away. He was making money. He had a job Addiction doesn't give a fuck how functioning you are All right, so please please please get help but anyways I don't know Hope this video helps some of you out help me out But anyways I'm gonna keep doing my thing. I'm gonna go play fortnight with my son I get to move in with my beautiful girlfriend this week Gonna be pretty sweet. All right, but thanks everybody. I love you. Take care Get well work on yourself quit being stubborn help people help yourself be nice I don't know. All right guys. I'll see you next time