 you've had how many sexual partners nearly 200 and of those nearly 200 what percentage would you say has a legitimate chance of a meaningful relationship with you 5% of those same women who have slept with you what percentage of those do you think see you as relationship material probably none nah to be honest because all right so I just finished recording another video I thought I would pop in to give you an introduction to this video you're about to watch which is a part of my podcast lovers and friends this is episode 23 called you're dating out of your league featuring Harry Jowsy from Too Hot to Handle who I met when I was the workshop facilitator on that show with him and you're also going to see a third segment a little little piece of it which you can listen to the entire 55 minute long podcast on anywhere you get podcasts like Apple or Spotify but here is what I think an interesting part of the conversation is which really highlights why some people think there's a very big difference between what they want out of dating and what they're getting there is like a maybe it's like a trophy element or like hey like I slept with this guy that was on a Netflix show like when they turn the show on with their friends they're like oh I fucked him I think maybe there's a not trying to pump up my ties but we were on a pretty big show so like I think that maybe there's an element to like like that like I legitimately there was this one girl who's it who's been around the scene a little bit and this was as the show was air or it wasn't as it was airing it was like a couple months after but I was still trying to figure out the reins and I met her at a party I was like wow she's so gorgeous she's like my type we we had amazing chemistry so I got a number in the next day I was like violently hung over she was like oh like let's do something like well I'm not going out of bed so unless you want to come over and tell me I'm beautiful and like poke my head so I feel better than and that's the only thing I can give you today she comes over we start watching a movie you end up having sex and I was like hey should I get you some water do you want any water anything she's like yeah sure I go get water I come back fully dressed and she had a sip of water and I was like where are you going she's like oh well I got what I wanted so I'm leaving and then never saw her again but I think that I've definitely been with people where it's been like someone that I was seeing in the last year she was she was telling me to give her an allowance and I was like come on man like I'm not just gonna give you an allowance because you're with me like that seems so transactional and that I have to pay you to be around and I don't want to do that it's really really bizarre so I I really don't know like who's around me for what reason until kind of like after they go well anecdotal question because last time I saw you you were telling me about this girl who used to date your friend and then you had a sexual relationship with them yeah because you were like I think you deserve to have you know just this release after all that stress that you've been through and you actually saw this person as like I think I want something with them yeah so where did that end up I think she's back to sleeping with my friend so you were just yeah person for a good time yeah I think I was just a person for a good time and also like it put like a lot of unnecessary trust issues like straight off the bat so it's probably good for it to end there but I'm pretty sure he was sleeping with her again because he brought her up randomly I don't know where so much so maybe you guys good for each other so then you were the person that basically helped her to heal I think I'm good luck Chuck I think have you seen that movie you haven't seen that movie good luck Chuck whoa whoa whoa whoa you're a lucky charm you have sex with someone and then they find their true love isn't that how it works has everybody lost their minds that's ridiculous maybe I am him it sucks but it's happy I'm happy for everyone else because it's fascinating because I know your relationship with Francesca and I know that there was a very public breakup and it was painted that you were the cheater later you shared that that was not the case and that if anything like you were the one who was portrayed in that relationship yeah so my automatic instinct after hearing this like these all these poor hairy stories because of my conditioning of one I speak to mostly women and two my experience is not that like all there's these really good-looking successful dudes who all they want is love and they just keep meeting all of these fuck girls and man I'm the problem I want to tell you that my conditioning says you are I not look I think that I probably am somewhat the problem and probably more inviting to situations that are straight off the back gonna be unstable are pretty sure what does that mean I think that like maybe my type or maybe people or situations that I'm like accustomed to or that attract me aren't gonna like aren't fulfilling or aren't what I need to stay in like a solid like meaningful relationship like maybe dating influences that are critiqued like on their looks and have to compete with other pretty girls like that are always on edge like maybe I'm just setting myself up to fail fill the blank for me dating is a big lesson a huge lesson yeah I think dating dating you learn so much about yourself and other people but most importantly I think like when you start reflecting and like looking back like what's the common problem me what am I doing what I'm what's going on I think you learn so much about yourself but other people and what you're into what you don't like because I think for the past year like I really wanted a girlfriend I really want a relationship but now I'm like if it's the right person the right time it will happen but what made you really want a girlfriend in a relationship I just think having a best friend and waking up and just having someone that wants to go do shit and wants to go and like live life and enjoy enjoy stuff and and be out and about and go to the beach and what not I found that a lot of my friends usually hung over and like don't want to do too much and I don't really like get too much enjoy but I join me now to like waiting around for people I want someone that was like just spontaneous and just to have someone in my corner and someone that can back me and support me and and be and I do the same for them but again like I just think my my schedule they come up at 5 30 every day it's pretty selfish but I want someone that's like can compliment my time and compliment me if someone just wants to move in today without even like getting to know each other and then we just build our schedule out it's probably good just like move in with me from that sounds like a healthy pivot yeah they want what we pretty much did all the show like just moved it together work out for you it was fun and it was a lesson a beautiful lesson it was a beautiful lesson yeah and what is more of what you want what is more of what I want is like meant mentally stimulating I think that's something that I haven't like I'm not trying to talk poorly on Instagram models but they're not mentally stimulated like so some of them are but like they're not mentally stimulating and like I again like I got these events the same people then have a couple drinks and like I've seen you around like let's let's go have this my hanky-panky and see how we go but I think yeah what I'm searching for is someone that like has drive has ambition and it's just like super super super just mentally stimulating and just light hearted there is a sector of accomplished women who are looking for exactly what you're looking for do you think that you're just not meeting those women because you're only you know again looking at like maybe celebrity or social media type women I don't think of my bubble has let me walk into meeting people like that I think because of living in LA and like being in like influencer events like you kind of only butt heads with people that are in a similar career and I guess I haven't given myself an opportunity to like maybe step out or go and try something different but I was saying that not successful enough because I look at like I don't know like people that are obviously higher up the ladder and like doing a lot better I'm like damn like maybe I need to to work a lot harder to be able to be even seen in being the same like I line as these people so maybe I don't know maybe I'm just sitting like crazy too high standards for myself or maybe I'm just not looking hard enough maybe I need to go to like Texas and like meet a little like cowgirl right because I'm thinking it's like either the issue is that in terms of the dating pool that you're in and the women that you're dating you're not the top tier dude which sounds terrible to say because you're top tier dude but maybe they're looking for somebody who has more X whatever X is and then maybe the women that are in your pool you don't even meet because you're only like going after celebrity type women yeah I think that's 100% true but when you lose a woman right like it's like another dude gets the girl that you want what does he have that you don't usually probably a lot more money yeah that's been a situation where like it's tend to a pissing contest and like I just know I'm a lot more fun so it doesn't matter like I've got money and I'm a fun time he's got more money and he's kind of fat so like but he wins but he wins because like he's getting at the diamond earrings and I'm kind of just like hey unless we're dating or like unless we're like things are serious like I don't want to spend like $10,000 on like these crazy earrings or whatnot but it's kind of been like shoved in my face and I guess it breeds like some sort of like insecurity or like some sort of like uncertainty in myself and I've had to pull myself up a lot of times like hey you're exactly where you need to be you're doing exactly what you need to do don't worry about what level someone else is on because it has it has no effect on what you're doing at all and that isn't the right person for you if their whole motive is who has more money then that it's a blessing that they're not around because you should be with someone that wants to have fun and laugh which is a beautiful self-talk and a beautiful lesson but then you go back to the same dating pool yeah and you're like you know what I need to find somebody who loves me for me who thinks that I'm funny who sees all the other things non-monetary wise and make me amazing yeah want to go back to that same club that I met this girl at and see if that girl's hanging out there tonight well I think it's cause maybe my friends like don't want to go anywhere else like like it it's also like hard to know where to go when you haven't been there you know I got so difficult like all my friends just want to go and do this and that but now I've been like very reluctant with my energy in my time and I just stayed to myself and like stay in my crib and like just been focusing on my craft so it's also not helping anything because like all I have is Instagram DMs and the people that I'm DMing like very very silly like I'm like this isn't gone anyway it's purely just sexual people that you're putting the energy into little energy that you do have to invest because you're so busy and you're so work focused you're like I'm a wasted on people that I know it's not going anywhere even though in my heart I want a girlfriend you sound crazy you know that right no I sound crazy but now I like had to switch it over listened to Harry's interview what did you hear I heard a guy with a good heart who's like trying but maybe doesn't totally know what he actually wants even though he's good at talking about it he was saying like I don't I want something meaningful and I want somebody who's intellectually stimulating and also like I only fuck girls I meet on Instagram I listened to that and I heard myself it was I almost was like did she send me this because that went exactly how I wanted it to go but no I I mean just like pick a pick a point like pick one and that's literally exactly how I feel thank you so much for watching please click the link in the info box it is free it is spectacular I think you'll really enjoy this full 55 minute conversation about the dangers of dating out of your league and furthermore what does it mean to date out of your league let's talk about it let's I'll talk you listen that's how podcasts work and then we can talk in the comment section