 Today, I'm with Padma Gordon and she's got a book coming out That she's been working on for a while and I wanted her to share about it I've worked with Padma in her business for a while and she is a counselor and a mindful embodiment teacher. So she works with individuals and couples Well has been in person but has done a lot online as well and she also leads an online women's group Among and also teaches them some online courses. So Padma, welcome Thank you so much for having me George. It's so nice to be with you. Yeah So I'm excited about your book coming out You actually did a crowdfunding campaign to the book and you already reached the goal for the for the crowdfunding even during these times Which is remarkable which shows you that you have a community that's supporting you and that's looking forward to the book So maybe you could tell us a bit about the book first Sure, and I just want to say that I just I feel incredibly grateful and humbled by the the outpouring of generosity not only for my book crowdsourcing campaign, but for you know, what's happening in the world It's just it's very it touches my heart. It really does So so the book. Yeah, the book I feel like it's it's a very timely moment for this book because it's a book about relationship and it's called being together it's going to come out this summer in July and It's really, you know, the thing about relationships is relationship begins with You tending to yourself the first relationship the primary relationship is to yourself and then how you are with yourself How I am with myself is also how I am with you and how you are with me So the book starts there and then it's it's really though a book about how to have a thriving monogamous long-term relationship Yeah, and that's been difficult for decades But especially now when yeah when people are needing to spend a lot more time together it's even more so Yeah, tell us a bit about so this is really helpful that the framing is and you know We start with ourselves and then that extends out to those we're with So what does that mean relationship with ourself? How do we cultivate that? It's a good question well what I do is I Spend time in nature and I practice meditation You might practice yoga or whichever kind of internal discipline Qigong You know, whatever is whatever feeds you So just really taking some time to be with yourself and tend to yourself and it's really about loving yourself So it starts with self-love Because we can love others to the degree that we love ourselves So doing practices and and also just tracking into your inner dialogue Right, so if you're doing something cheering yourself on if you're being a certain way If you're being generous if you're helping out say in this moment the elders in your neighborhood Then really appreciate yourself for that So gratitude is a great thing and gratitude is one of the chapters in the book Gratitude appreciation and that really starts with ourselves and extends outwardly It's beautiful so The book tell us about it's kind of the the Genesis the book like what what inspired you to I mean You've actually been writing for years. So you have more than a material for probably several books But yeah, tell us more about kind of what inspired this Well what inspired this was is the fact that I've been in a relationship with my partner now It'll be two years in June and It's been one of these relationships that has really It's been Wonderful and beautiful and challenged me and made me, you know turn and look in the mirror and look at myself and And we've been really doing the work together the work of relationship the play of relationship the dance of relationship And I thought well if this is so challenging for me and I'm someone who has worked on myself and is you know Really committed to evolution internal evolution personal evolution Then wow this this is God of this is an edge And we know it is as you brought up at the beginning George, you know It's such an edge and we have so few examples of thriving by thriving I mean where people are happy it doesn't mean they're in bliss all the time or they're just totally In love and la la land. No, it's not that it's wow we are a team we love each other and We are we are evolving each other together and giving ourselves space to evolve so Relationship as evolution is really one of the primary themes of the book so so that's really what started me on the journey of Writing about this and this is all brand new writing and all the writing I have done and all the reflection I have done has certainly gone into this because the book then Speaks to my own experience my own narrative is sort of one piece of the book and then I have drawn from the work of longtime experts who have studied relationship for 40 years John Gottman and other people who are really, you know Have just been in it for a long time So I'm drawing from research and then I did personal interviews did primary interviews and interviewed people who from my perspective Seem happy and people who've really Stayed the course because that's one of the pieces is you will thrive if you stay the course Which means you're staying in integrity with yourself as you move forward because there are plenty of us who stay in Relationships for a long time that actually aren't working. So to me, that's not thriving Yeah, well so say more about that what does that mean by stay the course and being an integrity with ourselves so You know in the course of every relationship, there are challenges And there are incompatibilities that come up You know, of course in the beginning of relation if there's there's honeymoon period and Everything seems to be, you know, oh, it's gonna last forever and And then of course, you know, the little compatibility start to emerge and we start as we get to know the person better I've got to know ourselves better and and what we really want and what they really want and So how do we then yes, this it's a wonderful idea this disbalance between staying the course and being an integrity or or both that are Being sort of working together. So tell us more about that Thank you. And George, I can really Know that you're speaking from your own experience. Yes, I know how long you've been in your gosh, it's been 12 years Yeah, yeah, and we've certainly gone had some big moments, you know, but we are we're here. We're happy. So Wonderful. Congratulations. It's It is it's going through those those big moments to me are the eye of the needle moments, you know Will we get through this or will we just part ways? Yes, we say do much can't do it And it's like the too much can't do it is can I can I really listen to myself? Can I do my own inner work? Because that's what it's about. We're in we jump into relationship You meant you you sketched it out really well in the beginning. We're just in love, right? And part of that is is You know the chemicals neurochemicals that are flooding our brain, right? We're we're just high on this love cocktail and it's great and it's bliss and Yeah, so I speak to that a little bit too the neurobiology of love Plays in a little bit. I just touch upon it, which of course is its own book so Yeah, so we we we get into relationship and then things come up and we have to keep coming home to ourselves Which is why these practices and the connection that we have cultivated and are continually Cultivating with ourselves is so important because What does it mean only only you know and only I know inside myself? What does it mean to be in personal integrity? Because in the realm of relationship We can it's easy to slip into self-betrayal because it plays into our our earliest wounds, right? Our early wounding and this speaks to our what's called attachment material in psychology Which I also you can't write a book about relationship without mentioning or delving into attachment to a certain degree So it's really it's a chance relationship is a chance to evolve as an individual and Together and the truth is that we are stronger together It's it's actually easier in a certain way to be alone, right because we we see you know all these We see or we hear these stories of great meditators great monks who have been in the cave and have been on the mountaintop and If you watch my promotional video it speaks to this And then you come home you come down off the mountaintop and you get into relationship and then Here's your stuff in your face right away. So it's a chance it's an amazing container to both evolve and To heal to heal those wounds that really in my experience can only be healed in Relationship either in an intimate partnership or in a in a counseling Relationship a safe container because that's part of it like we can thrive because we are held in a safe container Safe container of what sometimes called a two-person system. We're in it together, right? I've got your back You've got my back and then we can take more risks We can step further out into the world and offer ourselves because we know that someone's got her back so it's It's it's a big thing and also just one more thing I'll say about that is that You know people tend what I've learned and what in my experience and from my studies my research over these last Years is that people like being around happy couples, right? Because it's stitches back to if you had a Childhood and hopefully some people did where there were two parents and it was it was solid It's like here. We are we're held the king and the queen are in their place and oh, I could relax because all as well The king and queen the mother and the father or the two mothers and where the two fathers because this just goes for Two people holding the place Holding the place and it creates safety. So you might just explore that. Oh, how do I feel when I'm around a happy couple? So well, that's there's a lot there and a lot to reflect on and kind of I'm seeing you know these archetypes right and this sort of very deep Sort of patterns of relationship that go back in our psyche thousands of years And and have evolved us as human beings and this is why we thrive in certain ways And of course with the modern times like you said It can seem easier to be single Like you said, you know the the monk or the the spiritual person out there doing the thing But also these days, you know the digital nomad right like the on Instagram You see people who seem like they're you know living a lifestyle of freedom and they're very like every every two weeks They're somewhere else and you know taking pictures and like wow, you know if I were single then I could do those things right now now, of course with the lockdown can't do that Which is ironic, right? It's just part of the lesson here. It's like wait but but but you know, it's like a lot of the That kind of that kind of glorification of single hood Sometimes you know doesn't doesn't acknowledge the fact that we still are human beings that evolved to be with other human beings And and to and to benefit from well the human touch with somebody that that we can be you know in lockdown together but But so so actually I'd love for you to because you work with people who are both couples and you work with single people The book is probably better for for couples. I imagine of the people who are in a relationship But you know, maybe maybe not so tell us about that Yeah, that's a great point. Um, you know, I really I wrote this book for people who Actually probably are either young say you're in your 20s or your 30s and you're just the beginning of your relationship journey and you want some guidance because Guidance is a little sparse up there in this arena, even though there are many many wonderful books on relationship but I guess examples a little sparse real-life real-time examples and Then I know at least in the community that I'm a part of here. There are many single people in the 40s and their 50s and So I wrote this book for you too because it's possible. So part of what I Posit in the book is that relationship Having a healthy long-term thriving relationship is possible for everyone as long as you're willing to show up And the show up part is a pretty big deal The showing up means that you're willing to look at your stuff You're willing to stop yourself in your tracks When you're getting triggered and I'm speaking from my own experience and I feel like especially in this moment in time I my experience is that we are being asked to clean up our acts and to really interrupt our habit patterns and Just Really take a close look at who we are what we want and where we've been Because everything is everything's on hold External things are on hold So I feel like in relationship. These are the places and I'll say for myself that I have really I feel like I've become a much I'm much more loving person and a much more Gentle person and it's really interesting because my partner is extremely gentle and I'm gentle I'm also pretty intense and I have had to or have chosen to and I'm choosing to Really study him as part of being in relationship. I'm studying you. You're studying me How can I relate to you? It's actually a very it's an act of generosity. It's an act of compassion it's an act of kindness to actually relate to somebody in the way that is Will serve them and So that actually your communication reaches them because that can create connection it creates harmony and If I'm just standing my ground and digging in my heels and wanting to be right then that's not happening and then we're that's creating separation and What I want and then what my sense is that we as human beings want is we want to experience love We want to live with open hearts We want to love and be loved and and it's scary. I get that it's really scary and one of the chapters is on vulnerability and Because it's vulnerable to be in relationship to really dive into love and to To show yourself to another person and yet it's it's profound It's intimate and again, it's healing and it evolves us So I really wrote this book for For everyone and and as much probably as much or more for single people Than for couples, but perhaps if you're a couple that's really struggling This will definitely serve you and if you're a couple that's really happy. You can just say great We're doing all right Or or a couple that's content and you know, this book may help them to deepen And thrive more because what you're bringing forward is a lot of the reflection that In relationship, we sometimes don't have time to do, you know with busy lives with just You know, sometimes relationships become like well like like teams like you said I get we're a team But then that sometimes the practicalities can take over a lot of day-to-day, you know It's like oh, yeah, who's who's cooking who's who's cleaning who's you know Gonna do this Aaron who's gonna take care of this or whatever and it's like, okay this is a chance to deepen and to Do the work of personal growth together and so I I think that this book is would be beneficial I'm looking forward to it myself so Did you have something like a snippet of the book you wanted to share with us? I know it's You know, I don't know how much you're able to share at this point I can I can read a little bit from the introduction Yeah, just give us a give us a flavor of it Feel a little snippet and I just wanted to say that I'm I'm super excited about this book and I'm excited to dive into revisions and Gotten really great feedback from the various editors that work for this publisher. So that's thrilling Let's see. I'm just gonna go over to this So, let's see Begins like this Long-term relationships are an epic challenge for many of us They call upon us to be real and to reveal our Magnificence as well as our shadows to another person rendering us vulnerable Relationships invite us to be present and discerning Ultimately, they can serve to evolve us into the best most loving version of ourselves Over time the possibility is for a committed relationship to become a spiritual practice One in which you awaken to your true nature If you stay the course and don't jump ship when you are tested and Things get uncomfortable Being in a long-term relationship provides a container for you to evolve into the person you were meant to be This is also true for Jen and Jay where our story begins Jen and Jay have been married for 48 years and have three adult sons throughout their Relationship Jen and Jay have had many ups and downs and even a brief period of separation What has kept them together? There are lots of things and among the most important are acceptance of one another Being able to laugh at themselves and each other's behavior Wanting what the other wants for themselves and the practice of gratitude Gratitude supports the flow of love which sustains their relationship Just read a tiny bit more Gratitude plays a key role for Jen and Jay in their small day-to-day interactions in their relationship Jen loves to cook so Jay does the dishes Jen told me about how she has consistently asked Jay to use hot soapy water and wears glasses while he washes his dinner dishes So that you can see what you're doing Echoes Jen's lilting voice across the kitchen Jay does not comply with her wishes, but Jen doesn't become angry with him She simply smiles and without saying a word she rewashes them to her satisfaction Jen's thought is I'm so grateful that he took the time to wash the dishes in the first place so It's just a little bit of The introduction Thank you, and it's great that you incorporate You know real stories and so as research as well as your just your beautiful language in there So looking forward to this. Well, of course, we'll have the links in the description of the video to where people can Follow you and find out and sign up for your newsletter so they can find out when the book is out Anything else you want to share before we complete this conversation? You know, I just I just really first of all, I thank you so much George. It's wonderful to be with you. I really appreciate who you are and Really acknowledge you for doing the work that you do on yourself and in your relationship so I'm just name that again and I want to say that This is a great time everyone to Do your inner work. I feel like that is what is being asked of us is to do the deep inner work The world that the decks have been cleared Essentially to do the work that is the most essential work and not even work the most essential The deepest need because it doesn't have to be work. It can also be it's the play of relationship it's the it's the dance of relationship and This is a tricky time. I know for people who are alone Just know that that you're held you're held in love and that we are we're all in this together and And I encourage you to keep your heart open and share what you have to share Because because it's needed I Look forward to hearing from you. Please reach out to me Love to be connected with you and I just I will say I'm offering free meditations on Thursdays at five o'clock Pacific time where we breathe and move and meditate together and Yeah, I've been reading from my book on Facebook live. So if you go to my Facebook page, I'm a Gordon You'll see recordings of things I've read from the book Great, and we'll be sure to put the links in the notes of the video. So check that out Thank you so much Padma for your work and congratulations on the book launch and yeah, we're all looking forward to it Wonderful. So good to be with you George. Thanks. Okay