 Most everyone will tell you that confidence is the key to attracting a good partner in your life. And yet when you think about it, the vast majority of men and women are suffering from insecurities. They're wearing a mask. They're hiding their deep pain. In fact, I would say that the number one emotional health issue is I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable and I'm not likable. The reality is as many human beings are suffering on the inside to some degree. And again, confidence is being bombarded, the idea of being confidence is being bombarded onto people as if this is going to be the key to relationship success. And yes, it is true. When we feel good about ourselves, we are more likely to attract someone who hopefully also feels good about themselves. And yet men and women are suffering. So what are the key areas people are suffering? Well, that's what I wanna lean into today. Where are the men and women suffering in this way? Because if you think about it, I believe here in the United States, roughly about 120 million of our population is single. I'm gonna repeat that, roughly 120 million of our population over 18 years are single. And I would say less than half of those people are actively in the dating marketplace. I mean, what I mean to say is putting themselves out there so they can be seen by single eligible people. And the reason why they don't do it is for the insecurities I'm about to share today. Now let me just say this, while the title is related to male insecurities, you can literally transpose these into female insecurities as well. And I invite you to look inward to say, am I experiencing any of these insecurities as well? Because maybe doing a deep dive on your own emotional health will help you attract a partner who's also doing the same work. All right, so I wanna lean into this conversation right now. I know many of you say I drag this out. Well, let's just dive into this, okay? Now I wanna different, well, I'm gonna do a rabbit hole real quickly. I wanna differentiate between the 20 and 30 year olds versus those that are in their 40s, 50s, and 60s. And while this applies to all men and women alike, I will say there are some slight differences and I'll deviate from this conversation a little bit to express those differences. And I think partly the reason why I'm doing this is folks, I have a 27 year old son, okay? Just turn 27. And not to suggest he's experiencing this and yet I know many people in this age bracket of 20 and 30 year olds experience this as well as men in their 40s, 50s, and 60s. So the number one, oh, and by the way, this is in no order, okay? I'm just sharing my number one, male insecurity centers around body image, body image. Ladies, you know you've been bombarded with the objectification for women towards body image when we think of magazines like Vogue and Cosmo, certainly now Instagram and the whole shift in body image because of the bombardment of photographs on Instagram as well for you women. We men experience body image issues as well. Now certainly I've listed things like hair. Well, for those men in their 40s, 50s, or 60s that are balding, they feel a sense of insecurity compared to those men who aren't in that same position. And while this isn't true for those men in their 20s and 30s, certainly hair can be one of those body image issues. Waste, waist size, gut size. You know, a lot of coaches are directing their attention to young men focusing on attraction and telling them the importance is to physically work out and get shape so you can attract a great partner. And yet as we age, it's much harder to do that type of work and not to suggest that it can't be done, but at the same time, a lot of men in this over 40, 50, 60 category are feeling a sense of insecurity by their waste. Now here's the thing, we can do something about it. And yet it's hard when we're also suffering on the inside and food sadly is a way to comfort ourselves. And we see here in the United States an obesity problem just as an example. Now, I said hair, waste, you know, their body, that sort of thing, their teeth. Okay, teeth can be an insecurity. I know when I was watching the movie, Austin Powers, and they talked about how English people have poor teeth and here in the United States that it was good to in that movie to go get dental implants or whatnot, but certainly teeth can create some fear around whether or not we're going to attract a partner. And then the most important one of all centers around our height, our height is particularly for men. As I said earlier, women have body issues as well. And I'm glad to see some of the comments are saying bald men are sexy. Well, I'm glad to hear that, but coming back to height, you know, the one issue I noticed, well, when I began dating after my divorce is how many women were particular about wanting men over six foot tall. Now, I happened to be lucky. I was blessed by my mommy and daddy to give me height of six, two and a full head of hair. And yes, my hair isn't graying. Take a look. I just want you to know there is no gray hair there. I am lucky to be a baby boomer who doesn't have gray hair yet. Okay, I'm blessed that way. But coming back to height, I know so many women are particular to have men over six feet tall and yet less than 15% of the male population is over six feet tall. The average height of a man is not five, nine, five, nine and a half. And so a lot of men feel an insecurity as to whether or not they're going to measure up to your desires. And just remember, you have your own insecurities of how men objectify women and only desire, whether it's the thin woman, the Kardashian woman, whatever it is, we can all feel a sense of insecurity when it comes to our physical appearance, which includes height as well. Okay, the second, fear of rejection or fear of abandonment. Now let me dive into the fear of rejection. And I can speak from personal experience there. I know in the dating marketplace, it is very scary because men are expected to be the leaders of the process and to initiate the dating process. In fact, it's one of the reasons why apps like Bumble was created, so it takes that initial conversation out of the male's hands and put it in the woman's hands. Well, for men, we can feel a sense of fear of rejection. Someone once told me a man will ask 100 women out, hoping one says yes. I just want you to realize that this is an advantage women have because men are the ones who do the asking and at the same time, it can create a sense of fear within us. I remember shortly after my divorce, it was St. Patrick's Day. I was at a pub with some friends and I was sitting at a table, high-top table, and I saw a group of women like two tables down. There was one that just caught my eye and I'm looking at her, she's looking at me. I'm looking at her, she's looking at me. I'm looking at her, she's looking at me. It took me over an hour to get the courage to walk up and say hello. Isn't that fascinating? I mean, you would think it would just be easy to walk up to a total stranger and say hi. And yet, believe it or not, it's scared the hell out of me to do that, even though she was giving me green lights all the way. And while it didn't work out because there was a big age gap difference between us, I didn't realize that at the time. I was feeling a sense of fear and I said earlier, abandonment. Well, this plays a huge role for those of us particularly in midlife to actually lean into the emotional aspects of a relationship. It's important to recognize that we all have some sort of childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that causes to have negative patterns and limiting beliefs in our lives. And one of them includes the fear of abandonment, the fear of rejection. This is one of the reasons why I highly recommend everybody reading the book, the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process. This is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas to overcome some of those fears centered around rejection, centered around abandonment. It's one of the reasons why folks I wrote my book what the heck is self love anyway? A journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. And by the way, I want you to check out the link below to get a copy of my book or all the books I recommend. Why I'm bringing this up right now. I said earlier that the feeling of I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, I'm not likable. Well, self love is like a vaccination to emotional chaos. It's like giving yourself a booster shot. And whether you're a man or a woman, we all need some of that self love which represents self worth, self esteem, self confidence, self reliance. See, because believe it or not, yes, men and women alike are suffering from insecurities and yes, I know you can watch content out there by the alpha male and they're telling all the men that you need to be financially successful and you need to be confident. And yet there's a lot of young men as well as men in their 40s, 50s and 60s that feel a sense of insecurity. And for some, it's severe enough to paralyze them so they don't put themselves out in the dating marketplace because as I said earlier, probably half of the population doesn't put themselves out there whether you're a man or a woman. Okay, I said fear of rejection, fear of abandonment was number two. Number three, financial comparisons, financial comparisons are financial status, if you will. How much he makes and where he lives. Yes, men are fearful or have insecurities of whether or not they even have the capacity to be a provider protector, let alone take care of themselves. This is true for younger men. And as men age, given that 75% of males over 45 years old are divorced, roughly, and that's anecdotal. You know, there's oftentimes alimony, child support playing a factor here. Given the fact that also here in the United States 80% of the population makes less than $100,000 a year, there isn't enough resources. So this is about financial resources. Do I have the capacity to attract that partner? We can all say, well, work hard, get more money. Yes, that's easy to say. And yet not necessarily easy to do whether you're a man or woman. And financial comparisons represents how much the more attractive those celebrities, those athletes are compared to the average male. See, the problem is a lot of the rhetoric out there in the dating realm is centered out as just such outliers and not the real people out there that just have regular jobs, making a regular kind of living, doing their best to not only survive, but thrive in some sense. And yet we can feel insecurity. I know personally, after I lost my high paying corporate job, I was reduced to feeling like I would never amount to anything compared to women from that financial perspective. Because for women, oftentimes it's represented by looks and for men, it's represented by their ability to give resources. And you know, many of you women will reject a guy who makes less money than you. You know, I'm a big believer. Let's say you make $90,000 a year and he makes $65,000 a year. Well, the combination of to that is $155,000. Two are better than one. And yet a lot of men feel like they can't measure up. And I know you'll all say, well, if I make more money, he'll be intimidated. You just say this. A man's penis doesn't shrivel up and he curls up into a ball because a woman does better than the man financially. Now, a lot of men might have insecurities about that and it might be contentious. But I think most men appreciate the idea that two is better than one. So ladies, why not indoctrinate that into your lexicon as well? That two is better than one. And yes, if you benefit by having a bit more, that's better for the both of us. Now, you might have experienced men who get jealous or whatnot. Yes, that's an insecurity, but they're not intimidated by it. It's because the two of you have not built enough trust in this area of financial resources and economic agreement, as I talk about in my private coaching. By the way, you can see a link right here, johnathanasley.com forward slash coaching. One of my areas of expertise is helping you determine who's really most compatible with you and then asking the questions to determine compatibility. I teach something called radical honesty, pre-qualifying your prospect. Also, I have another part in the program called gauge his emotional maturity because emotional maturity is an important factor in relationship success. I know many of you have been indoctrinated in the belief that chemistry equals relationship success. And while chemistry is an important aspect of attraction, what typically tips the scales for a successful relationship is shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. And if you need some support with that, again, check out the link below the schedule of discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Number four, believe it or not, sexual performance and penis size. There, I said it out loud, penis size. Yes, a lot of men can feel a bit insecure as to whether or not they'll actually satisfy you in the bedroom. And for those of us in midlife, there's an equally important problem. And that is maintaining erection. Oh, it's interesting I'm noticing the same problem with younger men. Probably has to do with diet and most importantly has to do with the stress we are all experiencing right now. You know, it used to be the biggest stress issue was just pure survival. Now we have a multitude of stress issues that causes to have weak performance in the bedroom. And yet many men feel a sense of insecurity. And I know you women feel the same insecurity. Will you get wet enough? Are you even, do you even have a libido anymore? I know for many women and men, there's anxiety over sexual performance and their genitals. Well, guess what? Men experience this as well. And so I think it's important that we start with a sense of compassion. You know, I've just laid out four male insecurities. I'm here to invite more compassion and understanding of the opposite sex instead of this divide we have between the sexes, this fight we have, this rejection, this bitterness, this jadedness, it's time to shift the narrative because here's the reality. And I'm gonna share the fifth one in just a moment. Most men are good guys, they're just bad daters. Most men are just like you, they're wounded, they're hurt, they're struggling. And there's no roadmap, there's no role model. There are very few role models giving a roadmap to relationship success. It's one of the reasons why I've invited Marie on the channel. There's a picture of her right now, right there. I've invited her just to be a little sense of a role model that it is possible at mid-life to attract a really good partner. It is possible and it has nothing to do with looks or financial status. It has to do with how much you care about yourself from the inside out. And lastly, and again, this was in no order. Oh, by the way, I've got to deviate for a second. Going back to financial status, financial resources, a lot of this is predicated on our father stuff. Remember I said earlier, childhood wounds and traumas? This definitely relates to how our father represented that provider protector in our household and that can cause us to feel tremendous amount of insecurity. That's our father issue. What I'm about to share now is our mother issue and that is not meeting your expectations. That's the fifth one, not meeting your expectations. See, this relates to our mom issue. You know, our mother was our first, hopefully we had a mother that nurtured us in childhood. Not everybody gets the benefit of that for one reason or another. And yet we have this desire to make mommy happy, to be a hero in your life. And in many cases, we could be suffering on the inside because we have a mother wound and it causes some men to be over-givers, to be over people, pleasers. Women do the same typically when they have a father issue and we are over-giver or maybe the person had such a disappointing experience with their mother and it caused them to be under-givers. See, we all have issues with our mothers and our fathers or our primary caregivers that were male and female. You know, it's interesting. I once worked with a client who said, by the way, she's in a happy relationship right now. She said, the man said on their first date, she was asking, where did you grow up? And he was in another country. And she said, how was your relationship with your mom? And he said, my mother was a despicable human being. And when I heard that, I felt so sad for this person to have that kind of experience associated with his mother. So just remember, we have wounds inside of us that require some effort to heal. And so first and foremost, I invite you all to do individual healing and at the same time recognize that men have insecurities as well, whether it's our body, whether it's our fear of rejection and abandonment, whether it's our financial resources, whether it is our sexual performance and penis size. And lastly, our ability to make you happy. We are all experiencing this on some level. So what's the antidote to all of this? Antidote is compassion. The antidote is love. Do you know love is a powerful force. And what I mean to say is loving yourself and loving others, loving myself and loving others, loving myself and loving others is the antidote to suffering on the inside. And just remember, most men are good guys, just bad at dating. So I hope you found value in what I've shared today about the five male insecurities since this is my live stream and it's time for Q&A. If you have a question for me right now, write the word question then post the question there after or you can purchase a super stick or super chat in the chat box. All the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there. He's my son who passed away almost five years ago and his honor I donate to causes like the Hoffman process which I just shared, Insight Institute and Seeds of Love which is an organization out of Columbia for children who have been abandoned by their parents because they have a terminal disease, terminal illness. All right, so it's time for questions. Let's see who is in the group and what kind of questions you have. Oh, I CC just wrote, fortunately we had a nanny when I was a kid. She was better parent role model than my mom. You know, it's interesting. I have a good friend who also had the same experience growing up. He grew up in Beverly Hills and he said his nanny or their home, their Alice from Brady Bunch, if you will happened to be the person who was the true caretaker in their family. Okay, so thank you for sharing that. One of our group members from Midlife Love Mastery, there's a link below to check out my private group called Midlife Love Mastery. We have a page on Facebook. This is a page where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis. One of our members wrote oversized or above average genitals scare me. Well, thank you for sharing that. I appreciate that. Jennifer goes on to say, I dated a man who had ED years ago. He and his penis wouldn't get hard. He was young with this issue. I tried to talk to him about it and he blew up at me. Again, that's, you know, it's a very sore subject. I know it's a sore subject for me. That's one where we, our masculinity is tied to our ability to generate resources and our sexual performance. That's where a lot of men hold their masculinity. And so I'm not surprised. I think, you know, rather than judge, and I'm not suggesting Jennifer, you judged him, but rather than judge that, I would simply say, just recognize that that is a sore subject for him. And I'm not surprised that that happened. All right, let's keep going here. Oh, Catherine says, this is true. They don't shrivel up when a woman makes more money, at least so far as I know. Exactly, it's not like, think about real intimidation. You know, I was intimidated once because I was walking in a dark alley and there were some gentlemen there that didn't look very savory, if you will. And I felt scared. I felt that I could get hurt, partially because I was never trained to take care of myself. I never learned how to fight. I never learned how to defend myself. That's intimidation. And these men didn't do anything to intimidate me, but there was that deep fear that I could die in this moment. That's what intimidation does. It's not that you make more money. There might be jealousy, but it's not intimidation. All right, by the way, if you're watching the replay, please hit that super thanks and donate to the Conor Asley Scholarship Fund. All right, Sunny writes a question. Should I be dating less than a year after cancer? Good question. No, that's something you have to answer for yourself. You know, if you are cancer-free, I think it's great. I think I would definitely put myself out there. You know, here's the thing. Putting yourself out there is also being truthful with people where you stand in life. And so let's say you did have cancer. This is after cancer, but let's say you did have cancer. There might be someone that might appreciate who you are that doesn't mind that you have cancer. I know in the case of Marie, one of the first things I was concerned about was that she has something called benign tremors, familiar tremors. And I worried that that might cause an issue in our relationship. So I did some research and I realized that after I got to know her, even if it was an issue in our relationship, I didn't want it to be a stumbling block or a roadblock for us to connect at a deeper level. You know, when you connect with a person at a heart-centered level, you might find that they can accept things that you might not otherwise think you could accept or someone else could accept. So Dee, thank you for that question. We appreciate it. Hey, really quickly, I got a question emailed to me. I want to share this with everyone. Griselia writes, how can I build back trust when I've been fooled through Facebook and LinkedIn as well as through paying dating apps? I'm a widow two years now and I find it hard to trust men that are out there. You know, here's the thing. When I think of trust, the most important person you have to trust is yourself. Trust your judgment. Now, many of you do not know how to vet men. I get that. So it's hard because we are swimming in a sea of dysfunctionality. As I said before, most of us are suffering in some way, shape or form of not being good enough, not being lovable, not being likable. So we have a lot of wounded people. It is dysfunctional out there. And remember I said earlier, the most important aspects of a relationship go beyond attraction. It's shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. This is why I created my private coaching program to help women do a better job vetting so you don't find yourself in these situations. My suspicion is if you possibly allowed yourself to get carried away with people that whom you've never met in real life. See a real relationship is built through creating deep roots of trust. How do you build trust with someone? Well, let me just say it's through social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, is spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in your personal and your professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy. That's how you build trust with someone. Many of you think you're building trust through your devices and it's no wonder it's a mess out there because this is artificial intimacy, artificial intimacy. See, real intimacy is built through the spending of time with one another. And many of you don't even know the principles to emotional intimacy. So I recommend the book. Read this book by Robert Masters called Emotional Intimacy. Maybe when you've done this, you'll find that you're going to operate completely different in the dating marketplace instead of getting caught up in this loop of artificial intimacy. And most of these conversations go like this. Hey babe, how's your day going? Hey handsome, hey beautiful with a little kiss emoji. How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. See, that's not the real building of intimacy. Intimacy requires being vulnerable, being authentic, being transparent, diving deeper into the nooks and crannies of who this person is. That's how you build emotional intimacy with someone. Is this thinking and is this resonating? Please let me know. By the way, if it is, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell. And check out all the links below if you want to connect with me. All right, one of our Facebook members says, how do we get men to do personal developments, health, health and spiritual work besides leading by example? But first off, just lead by example. Here's the thing. It's not your job to get someone to do anything. They have to want to do that. So maybe leading by example is expressing all the benefits, the features of personal development, the advantages of personal development and the benefits of personal development. Let me repeat that. The features, what's involved in personal development, the advantages of doing it and the benefits to the individual person. That's called FAB. I learned that in sales back in my 20s. So lead by example, express the benefits. Not everyone is capable of doing this. Maybe it's not their time. You have to recognize that. I will tell you that within my circle of friends it was the women who introduced us to personal development, self-help work. Then it was other men. Most men do work in the area of building financial resources and building their body. That's they hire financial coaches, they hire personal trainers. But the emotional effects, including therapy, that's something that we're oftentimes, we don't do anything in that area until we've had a humbling moment, a humbling moment. And that's usually when someone begins to say, do I want to live my life in an emotionally unhealthy way or do I want to lean into something more powerful? So good question there. Thank you so much. Jennifer says, our parents did the best job they could if you have done work to heal, you can eventually understand this. My therapist said this to me years ago and it was profound. You know, as a parent and I have two children and sadly one passed away. And I think of how I did my best to parent and there's just so much more I wished I had done that I didn't have the capacity at that time. And then when I think of my own parents who did the best they could, yet they weren't overly loving people, they weren't overly communicating people, they did the best they could. And they did a lot of things that were painful in my life. My father used to beat the crap out of me, not that often, but it did happen. And I sadly, I hit my boys once or twice and I feel so ashamed of doing that. I feel so ashamed. Sometimes the rage of what a little two, a little four year old can do can set you off regulating our emotions. And my hope is I've passed on some wisdom to my son so he doesn't even come close to, he does a much better job. And yet we are all suffering from something that happened to our childhood. We all are suffering from something that happened in our childhood. Thanks so much for bringing that up. One of our Facebook group members says I've been criticized for being too thin, small breasts, no butt. As for men, size doesn't matter how they treat me and emotional spiritual connection matters. I once did a workshop with a group of people, Insight Seminars. And during this, by the way, Google Insight Seminars, Insight Seminars. And we did this group exercise and there was one woman, her greatest fear around her body centered around her breasts and she literally had no breasts. And we did this beautiful exercise to help her recognize that her self-worth had nothing to do with her breast size. And yes, men experienced the same thing. And yet we could have, believe it or not, one of the scariest things for me to do when I was a child was go to, not that my penis size mattered at that point, but just going into the locker room with other men. That's a scary thing for men to do. When I say men, excuse me, boys, okay? It was boys. That's a scary thing for us to do. So whether it's a man or a woman, breast size, penis size, butt size, all that stuff. We've been so indoctrinated in this superficial way of looking at human beings. It's almost grotesque. And then let's talk about filters out there. And folks, I have a confession. Yes, I do filter some of my photographs because aging sucks, wrinkle sucks, okay? Wrinkle sucks. I don't filter these videos. In fact, I haven't even shaved one today. But yeah, aging sucks. And we'd all like to be the best version of ourselves. So occasionally I do glance my photographs that I've posted. All right, there, I said it, I own it. All right, Seahorse writes, my college crush of a year comes in strong, then backs off. He's suffering from eating disorder and anorexia and neurosis. He's got much self-loathing. Any advice? Well, just remember, this is a person most likely doing the best they can. My advice for you is simply have compassion for this person. Doesn't mean you have to enter into a relationship. Just remember, where is your crush coming from? Is it coming from an unhealthy place or a healthy place? You see, if you're not familiar with the word limerence, everybody, I want you to, someone write in the chat box the word limerence, L-I-M-E-R-C-E, no, limerence, I misspelled it. Someone write that in the chat box. Google it. It's extreme infatuation. It's usually a fantasy we built in our head, putting someone up on a pedestal sometimes. See, I would focus on not where he's at, I would focus where you're at. Why do you have this crush? Because you have to recognize that most humans aren't going to grow that much from where they started when you first met them. In fact, sometimes people go the opposite direction after you first meet them. So, have compassion for him, and then have compassion for yourself. What is causing you to have this crush? Is it an over-inflated sense of who this person is? Because again, it's hard to have a crush on someone who has some of these issues for most people. But I give you a lot of hugs, Seahorse. Thank you so much for sharing that. Okay, Kimberly writes, been dating a man, went on a three-day trip and no sex. Haven't heard from him since Friday. How do I approach this? He was kind and sweet and called me honey, acted like a couple otherwise. Well, my question for you, Kimberly, is did you establish what I call, I call it the, did you establish radical honesty, laying your cards on the table in the rules of engagement? And most importantly, are the two of you dating, okay? But have you really dove into the nooks and crannies of what each one of you wants when it comes to a romantic relationship? Have you asked him, what does commitment look like for him? What does a relationship look like for him? What's the protocol for how he views the dating process? Now you might simply reach out to him and check in with him and say, hey, I'm just checking in. How are you doing? Would you like to get together? Why don't you invite him out? Invite him out for a drink. Invite him over. Why don't you just talk to one another? Folks, we are so afraid to talking to people. One of the chapters in my book, the first chapter is Speak Your Truth. Do it from a kind place. And chapter nine says, if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. I invite you to engage in the dialogue with him. Sounds like you've got together, went on a trip, but you had a good time, but you didn't talk about your feelings with for one another. It's time, folks. It's time to talk about your feelings with one another. Stop wasting time. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Leaf goes on to say there's 177 watching, but only 14 likes. Yes, please hit that like button. Thank you so much. John Viev, hope I pronounced it properly. Do you have any advice on dating with different political views? You know, this is a great question. So here in the United States, we have primarily Democrats and Republicans. I wanna say that most people lie somewhere in the middle and they lean towards one side or another. I would say 60% of the population, give or take, okay? Somewhere in the middle, close to the middle. And then there's the people on the extremes. And what I mean to say is they're ideologies that are one-sided or the other. If their views or their ideologies are based on political perspectives and they're at the extreme ends of the spectrum, to me, I'm gonna bluntly say this to anyone who's listening, to me those are usually closed-minded people when their ideologies are so skewed on one side or the other of the political spectrum. Closed-minded people are no fun to date, okay? So again, it's okay, one person's a Democrat, one person a Republican, they seem to be close on most issues. It's the extremes that are, those people tend to be in my perspective and I might be offending some people tend to be closed-minded people. And I don't like closed-minded people. I like open-minded people that can talk about something, have a discussion and they're certainly welcome to their point of view but if they're so rigid in their point of view to me, that's a turnoff. But I invite you to decide that for yourself, John. Did that help? Does that sink in? I hope it does. Maria says, I have cerebral palsy and it's been a problem to the right kind of mature person. I don't think, why is it a problem to the right kind of mature person? I think that's a problem to the wrong immature person in my opinion. Maria and I know someone who has some medical issues and yet she has no problem attracting men in her life. If you have a happy disposition, I think the right person and a mature person will appreciate you. Oh, wait, let me read. Oh, I have to reread that. It has never been a problem with the right kind of mature person. I misread that, I apologize, Maria. I get it. She's absolutely right. So thank you for sharing that. Janet says, do men look at women differently if she doesn't earn much or have a professional career? You know, men aren't as focused on resources and status as much as women, except to say that men after divorce oftentimes have a bitter taste in their mouth if they've had to pay alimony child support and they felt like they had to give away a significant portion of their wealth. So yes, resources or career can play a part in this process and yet here's the thing, most men are average. They're doing the best they can financially. And as I said earlier, two incomes is better than one. So my hope is, and even the barista at Starbucks, if you will, and I know I'm picking a minimum wage type of job, if they actually care about this person and they have the resources, they're gonna want to lean into taking care of that person when they've reached that point of trust with one another, when they've reached that point of emotional safety. Thank you so much for that question. I appreciate it. All right, let's keep going. Amy writes, I reconnected with a man I dated nine years ago. We went out on the date and he couldn't make eye contact with me. He also lied about his age on his profile. Are these insecurities? Yes, he might have felt a bit of insecurity when he was with you. Now some people, I once went out with a woman who wouldn't look me in the eye. Oh my God, it bugged the heck out of me. I saw her turn to the couple that was next to us and she looked them in the eye, but she couldn't look me in the eye. I'm assuming, Amy, that really bothered you. And then as far as his age on his profile, yeah, a lot of people feel age discrimination. Both men and women alike in their 40s, 50s and 60s begin to discriminate people based on age. Men do it, women do it. It's a sad thing. It's a very sad thing. And yes, a lot of people fudge or lie on their dating profiles. A, to get into the algorithms to be seen by people their own age. You know, a lot of women will lie by 10, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10 years just so they can be seen by men their own age. And men lie as well, because we don't wanna be, you know, a lot of men lie because they wanna date younger women. That's what happens. I personally wanted, my ego wanted someone 10 years younger than me. And believe it or not, my partner is one year older than me. But my ego wanted someone younger. The fact is when I met this person and I got to know who they were, I realized that age had nothing to do with it. It had to do with the person's spirit. You know, so we can all be ruled by our ego. It's not that it doesn't happen. I am guilty of having, listen folks, I am riddled with flaws. I know a lot of you think that I am, you know, this perfect catch out there. I am riddled with flaws. I have lots of insecurities. Many of the insecurities I've laid out today in this topic. And yet, so it's very possible he's felt a sense of rejection if he listed his actual age. Women do it, men do it as well. And that doesn't make them bad people, folks. We have to stop making it out and judging someone because they're feeling fear. Let's have more love and compassion as my invitation for everyone. Maria says, I had a real issue with limerence. Jennifer wrote limerence. Everyone, it's L-I-M-E-R-A-N-C-E. Or I thought it was E-N-C-E, excuse me. All right, SW1 writes, what about people who continue to listen to great relationship advice, such as yours? But they continue to lean on their own understanding and continue to make the same bad choices and decisions. Well, what's the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over and over and over and over and again and expecting a different result? You know, I realized that the only way I learn is through repetition. Sometimes I had to keep beating my head against the same issue. Human, you know, life is a journey. It's not a destination. Part of that journey is learning to regulate our emotions. It's learning to, it's why I wrote my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway. Folks, I really encourage you to check out the book. By the way, there's a link below. It's really a journey of understanding that the real benefit of relationships is you get to do that final bit of healing with another partner to love oneself. That's one of the many benefits of relationships. Anyway, thanks so much for your question. I really appreciate it. All right, one of our Facebook group members is a man. Do you have any wisdom for a man working long hours and needs sleep due to dangerous job? My daughter lives with me and my boyfriend is uncomfortable sleeping over with my daughter. I've offered a visit to building, I've offered a visiting to build a relationship first. We typically have sleepovers once or twice a month when she's at her dad's trying to solve this problem. You know, when someone has a demanding job and they also have sleep issues, that's where I'd probably go to a professional to seek some help in this area. A lot of humans are suffering because we have over stimulation due to these things right now. I think blue light, there's a lot of factors that are causing many humans to be suffering when it comes to their sleep. I know I suffer partially because I gotta get up 10 times a night to go pee. Makes it hard for me to have a really good night's sleep. Sometimes I use Tylenol or Advol PM to help me get there or melatonin. There are certainly some therapeutic and holistic ways to work on that. So I invite your daughter and her boyfriend to do that kind of investigation on their own part. Why don't you Google sleep disorders? All right, thank you so much for asking that. Let's see. Let's keep going. Maria says, thank you, Jonathan. You're very welcome. Maria says, also with the expectation of any gambling problems, I look into a man's heart and mind way before I look into his wallet. You know, I have several friends that were suffering from gambling issues. It was from a deep wound inside of them that caused that. And it centers around our capacity to provide financial resources. It's usually a father wound in our life, not always, but it can be. See, we all have addictions to some degree. You know, believe it or not, I did an interview with an addiction specialist, Mary Beth Shrutter. Last, if you go to my live stream playlist, you'll see that I have a couple of videos with her and we talked about some of the major addictions, including porn addiction, relationship addiction, food addiction, sugar addiction, gambling addiction. See, addiction is usually because we're suffering on the inside some way, shape, or form and we want to feel some sense of comfort. We're self-medicating because many of us haven't done the deep healing from our childhood. So we don't find ourselves needing something else to replace that love within ourselves. So thank you, Maria, for bringing that up. I appreciate that. All right, let's keep swimming. See, all right, Janie, it's more a comment. I've watched you for a while. Notice the positive changes in you since Marie came into your life. I'm happy for both of you and many of the blessings. Well, thank you so much. We appreciate that. You know, I can say I am very blessed to have a person in my life who really demonstrates a secure attachment. I think we both are fine. I think we both have experienced a relationship where we can be vulnerable with one another. We can be authentic with one another. We can be transparent with one another. And most importantly, we feel a sense of trust and safety with one another. We have the capacity to say most anything to one another. I think building trust and feeling safe doesn't feel like butterflies in your stomach. It doesn't feel like, you know, skyrockets in the night. It feels calm. It feels peaceful. And part of how I got there, it's interesting. My coaching program, by the way, there's a link to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you, are the principles I use to attract her as a partner. And when I dove into how she operated as a single woman dating, I found that she intuitively did a lot of the things I coach in my private coaching. Many of us don't have that intuitiveness and she had that already built into. Now, I will tell you, she learned a lot of that through trial and error. We both had a marriage and we both had a significant relationship. And it takes trust within yourself. It takes faith within yourself. It takes loving oneself to attract a partner who's hopefully a good fit for you. So, Janie, thank you so much for that question or that post. Linda, hey, Linda's in the house. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. All right, let's keep going. Jennifer says, I admit I lied about my age on my dating app, search purposes only, only three years. Yay, see, ladies do it, women do it. It doesn't make you a bad person if you've done that. It makes you a real person. I feel you got to embrace the path you can change how you act to have a better future. That's all a lot of people mope around because of their past, that's ridiculous. A day wasted is a day you cannot have back. Folks, there was a moment in my life or a period in my life where I went to bed. I wish I didn't wake up. And this wasn't after my son passed away. This was after going through a divorce and losing that high paying corporate job and other things in my life. And I moped. It's hard when you feel like you're all alone. You know, it saddens me today to think that, you know, hundreds of years ago, we lived in villages and tribes and we had a capacity to be supported by so many people. And yet here in the United States, we live oftentimes very isolated lives. We can be separated from our family by distance. And sometimes people live in the same state and they're separated by distance. It's difficult when you feel all alone. We were meant to live in villages and tribes so we don't feel this sense of loneliness that causes us to get into a state of depression or mope. And yes, we have the capacity to do something about it. Tony Robbins talks about this all the time. We have the capacity within us to change our lives in an instant, in a blink, we have that capacity. And at the same time, it is ridiculously hard, including in this dating realm. It's no wonder we have an emotional health crisis going right now, because life is better with company. There's no doubt about it. No, and it's not perfect. It's not perfect. You know, there's no such thing as perfect. I can say that for Marie and I. I know she has some different dreams and me, I have some different dreams in her. It takes also appreciating that life is better with company. Life is better when you're in partnership with someone. Let me repeat that. Life is better when you're in partnership with someone. I invite you all to operate from a different place in the early stages of dating, first and foremost, based on this title, is to recognize that we're all hurting in some way, shape, or form. We all have insecurity, start from a place of first compassion for oneself and have compassion and love for others. And that doesn't mean being a doormat. That doesn't mean having to be an overgiver. It just means to recognize that we are all wanting just some love. Now, it may not seem that way. I know you may have experienced that, you may have been a narcissist, you may have experienced that man you thought used you and all that sort of thing. At the same time, yes, there are a lot of dysfunctional human beings and at the same time, there are a lot of good people out there. And it's hard to meet. Remember I said earlier, roughly 125, 120 million people over 18 years old are single and I bet half of them are not even putting themselves out there. They're just living life day by day. So where do you meet the good people? Go do the things you love. And if you wanna meet people in the personal development realm, self-help and spiritual one, then go to those places that they congregate. And believe it or not, I did an Abraham Hicks event. Does anyone know Abraham Hicks? Write that in the chat box, Abraham Hicks. I went to an event and it was literally, I went four years in a row, half men, half women. Well, you're not men are doing the work as well. So ladies, don't beat yourself up thinking that there aren't any good men out there. I invite you to all begin saying, it's raining good men, it's raining good men, it's raining good men. God, universe, spirit. I invite in a juicy, delicious, healthy, happy relationship where we have mutual chemistry with one another. We share the same passions in life. We can communicate at a level where we can banter for hours and hours at a time and just Netflix and chill and hang with each other, enjoy one another. And our lifestyles are blendable with one another and we share the same values that allow us to build the deep roots of trust so we can sustain a healthy happy relationship with one another. God, universe, spirit, I invite that in. Folks, I invite you all to change the narrative and to recognize that there are good men out there and at the same time, they are suffering on the inside just like you. And it doesn't mean they're bad people. It just makes them human. We are all human. All right, so do you need some support? Hey, check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you. Check out my group called Midlife Love Mastery. Follow me on Instagram, check out my dating vows, join my mailing list, all in the links below. If you have something to add to this, please post a comment below. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. Please hit that like button. And as Leaf said, it's close to an hour so get your questions in. Actually, we're wrapping up right now, Leafs. So thanks so much for being a beautiful moderator to our group. We're gonna sign off this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big, gigantic Jonathan Bear hug of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear or a pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use a lot more love in our lives. Hey, I wanna thanks Leafs and our Facebook group member in Desert Debbie and Kimberly and BG and Elena's in the house and Ms. Solvang, Disney Traveler, Didi, Melissa, Jennifer. I think I said Jennifer, Vicki, Linda. So happy you're in the house, Marilyn, Janie. Everyone, thanks so much. Wishing you a fab day. Be well, bye now. Bye-bye, bye.