 I've relegated myself to the idea that if I'm not black to you, that's okay, right? I don't know if that's a wrong way, but identity is such a personal A quest and if your identity is centered around defining yourself to fit in within a category and fitting me within that category Messes up your definition. I don't want to mess with that. Exactly. I am whatever makes you comfortable Right, which puts me in this constant limbo of other people being responsible for how I feel about myself What do you think I am? I'll just go with that. Yeah, exactly This video is sponsored by audible the leading place for audio entertainment from audio fitness programs audio books audible originals and more What I love most about audible are the things that I learned that genuinely helped me process the world We are dedicating this video to the uncomfortable but necessary conversations We are called to have in our personal lives And that's why I want to share some audiobooks that have helped us improve our understanding Around the sometimes difficult issues we face in the world today If you like audio, you'll love audible. So why not give them a free try? Audible has a 30-day free trial where you will get one credit to any audiobook of your choosing and full access to the plus catalog for free The thing I love about audible is they are always adjusting and putting members experience first Audible has rolled out its newest membership plan audible plus with audible plus members get full access to the plus catalog Which is filled with thousands and thousands of select originals audible books and podcasts Including ad-free versions of popular shows as well as exclusive series With audible plus you can listen all you want to the plus catalog to start these conversations. I highly recommend the audiobooks white fragility Why are all the black kids sitting together in the cafeteria? So you want to talk about race and uncomfortable conversations with a black man Audible has the largest selection of audiobooks on the planet plus they house exclusive content made specifically for members every month Visit audible.com slash shan booty to start listening now Or if you're in the u.s. You can text shan booty to 500 500 Again, that's audible.com slash shan booty or text shan booty to 500 500 Hey there lovers and friends This is my sister lauren morrison and I tapped her to be a part of this video because This is an area that I consider you to be much more intelligent Than I am and thank you. You didn't even try to deny it No, I said, thank you. Yeah This is a channel about sex-loving relationships But a few times I have touched upon race and identity specifically my own race and identity My mom is half black half white and my dad is east indian from gianna because I don't visually Represent what you think of when you think of black or indian or of course not white Um, I'll never truly get those identification politics right because I just don't fit into Those slots that neatly and as a result, it's just I'm it's always going to be this gray area and As I've gotten older I've gotten more comfortable with existing in that space I feel one with black women and with black people Especially but I also acknowledge that I don't have the black experience. And so There's always going to be this kind of confusing back and forth of like, where do I fit in? How do I show my enthusiasm and the community I feel without overshadowing the experiences that actually represent the community And 2020 has been a year where conversations like these have come up and in a very important way And I've wanted to contribute, but I haven't really found the correct angle So I'm going to start with a disclaimer. This is not my area of expertise I'm speaking mostly on my own experiences and my own identity But lauren is here to add more gravitas to things Still to speak about my own Yes opinion of my own identity for sure if anything wrong is said in this video Please direct all comments this way. So let's start off with the million dollar question We are sisters. We have the same mother and father But I'm not sure if we have the same answer to this question, which is interesting And here's the million dollar question. How do you identify racially? So My answer is I identify as black, but that is a new Answer that is a new answer that you even see now that I struggle with I used to always say like when I would be at work I remember that I would have other black leaders come to me and they were like, you know Because you're this black woman and you're going first places and I would stop them and be like black ish And one person actually said to me. Oh I didn't want to offend you by calling you black and I was like, no, you're not offending me by calling me black That that wasn't what I that that's not what I'm trying to communicate But I've also always Associated myself as a person who's not allowed to identify as black because we're mixed We're mixed race. So we're not really able to identify with anything clearly. Yes So I know that back in elementary school. I really tried to identify as Indian I was like, you know, that's the strongest part of my heritage Um, I'll identify as Indian and the my Indian friends were like, you're not really Indian She's not really Indian or they would have these conversations and be like, you wouldn't know what that is because you're not really Indian And then when I got to high school and then there were more black people around I started to trend towards that way But there would always be that comment where someone would be like, oh, she has really nice hair and be like She's not really black, you know, right? So there was always this you're not allowed to identify that way So I've always shuttered at identifying that way But what I realized is that I was actually coming off as remember how when you would say to grandma like grandma You're black. She'd be like, I'm non-caucasian. Yeah, and then I was like, am I That am I sound now sounding like a person who doesn't want to own Black because if I stutter over the word then my kids are going to stutter over the words And I don't want them to ever feel like it's something to be ashamed of It's just I personally have had a hard time saying it because of a long history of people always saying Including our parents, you're not black. I even listening to you Wanted to get up the courage to say clearly and definitively an answer as you would and I still don't have it So if somebody asked me, have you ever had to like check off one of those boxes like diversity questionnaires? If I ever do I always do check off black. Yes However, I learned this year that you can actually check off multiple boxes up to three I did not know that you could do that before 2020. Right. I thought you had to select one And if I'm honest with you the one that I would select and feel most comfortable in selecting would be black There was an interesting way that I was introduced to identity this year and it was specifically directed towards Sex and gender identity But I thought this actually really spoke to me in terms of racial identity because I am a cis heterosexual woman who identifies as woman and who looks woman So I never have to have this conversation around Gender and sex right whereas in other people It's a massive part of their life trying to figure out. What is the right language? But racially, right? that's more so been my area of like, what is the right language and so Identity is comprised of four different elements. So the four pillars of identity are physical Biological emotional and mental Physical is also social. Do people visibly recognize you as a part of that specific group? Biological do your parents or you know, were you born or identified at birth as a part of that particular group? And then there is emotional Do you empathize and sympathize with that group? Do you feel a oneness with them and then mental? Do you go through the world experiencing things through the eyes and experiences of somebody in that group physical? has always been a touch-and-go place because I I you know when people look at us We're the same makeup, but you look more black than I do. I look more Indian than you do, right? So it's just interesting even this dialogue because our our physical attributes say one thing But how we connect emotionally say a different thing even though I might I present more half black half white than you do You do present more of a person of color than I do So I think that the assumption around your whiteness would be less. Oh, yeah. I can't identify as white Yeah, that's for sure. I don't think that we've ever really talked to our parents about their experience Um with racism We don't talk like it's it's just one of those things that we just never spoke about because Race was always something that was debated in our household. So we just never discussed it But even learning like in canada as a as a black person. You couldn't buy property in the 1960s Like how are you going to get generational wealth? Yeah with with laws that existed like that, right? um, so understanding getting a better educated on systematic racism Really helped me to connect more to Wow, that actually is an experience that I identify with I just never knew what it was Systematic racism means that there is a world of psychological barriers that tell you what your place is and then have not such and historically have not set us up for the same success as Some of our white counterparts. Yes, everybody every generation our family that we can I know of us included has had to be self-made Yes, you know our parents provided all of our needs all of our basic needs were met But when it came time to adulting we were fully responsible for the path that we took for the education that we had to invest in for the homes that we bought For the jobs that we got so I think about that like Everybody got into a bit better of a position and I think about the past four generations in our family But everybody essentially had to be self-made There's no knocking what our what our parents did for us because they absolutely did The best that they could possibly do but they were starting way They're starting 200 years behind Where others have and that hit me like a ton of bricks where it's like Oh I didn't understand it and that really should empower you to want to do for other people and I think that's what happened this year for me A part of what I think was really amazing about the conversations happiness years for the first time I started to think about One where is my place in the black community and two? How do I use my position of privilege of to elevate other people and to help and to be an advocate? And through even just having that thought process. I was able to catch microaggressions and Racism at the workplace in a way that I never really had before. Yeah, and I remember they were People at my job were talking so negatively. We had You know, I have many jobs first and foremost. Let me just say that as a disclaimer So I work on various different projects as part of what I do I work for myself, but I have many different projects. So one of the projects I was working on There was only either one black team member on this particular project And they were being so harsh with that person Um and unknowingly in many cases just using language or being very derogatory towards them And I took it upon myself to like work specifically with that person and to give them more uplifting language And to make it clear to the powers that be that I identified with this person So when speaking about them, they should talk about them like we're part of a same community Right. Um, so to to add a protection there and I remember another job that I was working on They were talking about who to hire to help with my social media Who to hire to help with and they were sending resumes or showing me people and I was like I need a black woman. Right. And they were like caught off guard by that Like if you want somebody who's able to communicate to my audience and more specifically to communicate on behalf of me Has to be somebody I feel a oneness with and these are the people that I choose as a part of my oneness And so that was the first time that I acknowledged that Saying that I was black or identifying as black wasn't taking away from anybody else But it was an opportunity for me to give back more and it's interesting because you say that you actually produced content especially around, you know, the black lives matter movement and You know, you you want to put your voice out there But because of this internal struggle that you have with your own identity You just don't feel like you're the right person to do that Well, even further than that is when you know, everybody was go all white people or many people were going through that Like I'm trying to highlight people of color, you know, um black indigenous people of color's voices Right, but specifically I'm trying to highlight black voices Exactly And so so many people would tag me white people would tag me in like a list of black sex educators And I felt really uncomfortable with that. Yeah, because I'm like don't When people are asking you to highlight black voices, they're not asking you to highlight me They're asking you to highlight and I actually put a list of 10 Black sex educators that I felt genuinely, you know, it should be uplifted at this time Right I'm just like not me when the george played events happening and the riots started happening And there was a lot of discussion around, you know, reaching out to your black friends to finding out if they're okay and You know, having a conversation learning their experience I had people coming to me and it was like weird for me, but I stopped Questioning why they were coming to me and then started to take up like if they are coming to you Then I should have I should be able to I should be able to educate I should be able to guide them I should be able to have this conversation So when we when I was trying to put together like okay, what do we do as a as an organization as a my work as a team You know, if we're putting a spotlight on the fact that minorities are so or black people are so underrepresented Incorporations and I'm in a corporation. I'm in a corporation and I also have the unique advantage where I have a voice Um, where I'm the only black person only black female on a on my team and I actually influence The the team agendas I influence the town hall speeches whatever the vp's svp president say I have a direct line of influence and that was a wait that was like, okay, lauren You actually can do something. What are you going to do? It was hard for me to unsilence myself because it's something that you're always You know that you're always told that people will roll their eyes at you if you talk about racism But the first thing I had to do was become comfortable in my own skin to say that um I you know, I I am black And this has been my black experience. It may not sound exactly like what you think a black experience Sounds like for other black people. It may not be exactly what your black experience has been But this is my black experience and this is how I feel this these are how the events have affected me Not even it just are you speaking from your own experience? You've always gone above and beyond to understand the history to understand the context And to include an uplift other people other black voices through your leadership And I think that's why when somebody comes to you to ask a question They're not just getting lauren morrison's answer and that's why you know to me in many ways like you've earned Blackness more than I have I know everything i'm saying is ridiculous and I understand that but like that's just the nuances of I know what you mean though But and for for a lifetime of never being able to buy into an Identity like it's going to be in your own time in your own Makeup of things like because even though you're looking at me saying you've earned you've earned the ability to say that You asked me at the beginning of this podcast and I couldn't just come out and say it Yeah, I'm still working that through but it's even interesting because um um, Emmanuel Acho when I read his book So Emmanuel Acho he does the um, he does the uncomfortable conversations with a black man youtube series He just released a book. He actually prefaced that book by even He even had like this disclaimer that said You know, I didn't think that I'm the one to have these conversations because my black experience looked like I grew up in an all-white neighborhood I went to I you know, I went to a private funded school that kind of thing I was always the Oreo of everyone so Even for him a person who is clearly end-to-end black struggled In his own way to bring forth a voice because he he felt the same way that you and I feel That someone's going to look at him and say how dare you talk on the black experience You've never lived a black day in your life because you've actually experienced a lot of the privilege That white people have experienced and this is a lot. This is why systematic racism Has the psychological damage that it has is because we have these lifetimes of of narratives that keep us silent because there's that voice in our heads that say You're not the right one. They're not going to listen to you And I think you said it to me and it was like one of those light bulb moments that went off for me It's like what was that moment where Beyonce was just like, fuck it. I'm black. Yeah Right when everyone when she was doing again, that's an example of a person who was trying to use her position to further Um to further black people to further black women and she was being told you're not the right person You're not the right shade But it's like, you know what fuck it. I'm here. I've got power. I've got position So I'm gonna use it. Yeah And you saw that we everybody I think saw the year that happened for her that I happened And we're just like I'm owning this now like no more no more of your voices No more voices telling me who I am. I'm gonna I'm gonna be who I am I'm gonna be who I identify with and I'm gonna be proud of I'm gonna be proud of that And that's why you touched on something very important is that if you're in this conversation if you and I are going to own Blackness then we have to do something with it, right? We have to use our privilege We have to use our positions in order to to to bring a voice to where it matters Right and not be so caught up in like on you know, well, maybe I'm not the right person Maybe I'm not the right person. Maybe I'm not the best person, but I'm here. Yes. I'm here and I'm willing I'm here and I'm I'm here. I have influence. I'm here. I have I have power I'm here. I have a voice and I can use that to uplift others But if you're just going to use it to just claim it then Yes, we can argue that maybe that's an inappropriate way to claim your blackness, right? Yeah, so if you're going to be on that pedestal then use it for something that's good What you said just now I think is so important because that I think is the difference In me feeling comfortable and confident in claiming my racial identity of just saying definitively I am black. I'm a member of the black community. I am indian. I'm a member of the indian community These are the groups that I champion. This is who I stand for it's who I stand with And I don't stand in front of yes, because I think for a long time identity felt like Standing in front of yeah, like I'm asking for the attention. I'm asking for the help. I'm asking To to get the pass. I'm taking I'm taking But if I can give something back and I can provide value and I can provide protection Then that's a whole different reason for identity because my network is predominantly black Right the people that I predominantly Um that I predominantly associate with are black you and I both so By there, it's like we can blow the doors off of these quotas because the more people that if I bring in another black person Then their 25 People of network now have access to their to their positions and the way that you even talk about um We you call it a pyramid scheme, but it's not that yes building generational wealth but not necessarily Um not necessarily like for your own uh for your own children, right? But you're expanding that to your own network. You're expanding you're expanding that wealth You're expanding that privilege uh to the people that you associate with and that's where I think these conversations now have more meaning to me Uh another really big part of why it has meaning is that We're both mothers And you have kids who are Physically black who are biologically black Um, but emotionally and mentally you felt like their Their identity issues are still persist in the way that ours did yeah Because they're growing up in a world where people don't see color Right and where it's racist to see color And I go back to this uh, I always go back to this You know what happened last year was with zara my daughter who is dark skinned she's got like Curly hair, you know, she's visibly black um You know having trouble with an assignment because a teacher asked her to write three three things that describe herself physically And I was like well, what would you say if someone was gonna you know? Find you in a crowded restaurant. She's like well, I want to say that I'm you know Brown skinned but I don't want to come off as racist But I that would be racist and it was like you're not you you grew up in a world where it's you're shamed for even acknowledging Your color you change their language because they identified as brown and you change your language to say you're not brown You're black why? Because they're not brown Brown is not a Because we grew up Being told we're brown Like that's the and I think to this day both our parents are most comfortable with identifying as we're brown And I think that the reason for my kids is because there was a sense of guilt For associating with black and I didn't want them to feel guilt with that association I wanted them to feel pride with that association Saying you are brown is only you Doing that back peddling Right and it's like it's not a negative connotation. It's a positive connotation And I I I was even talking to my husband chris about that because I said that he had a Role to play and why the kids feel the way that they do it's because if you ever call him black He's like I he gets uncomfortable. He gets uncomfortable because he's always felt like that's had a negative connotation um so He does he even he himself wasn't using that word With a sense of pride But he realized the message that that was sending to his kids to not just have the uncomfortable conversations But to feel the uncomfortable feelings that you have in or face the uncomfortable feelings that you have in order to drive change Right, so I think it's great. This is a very uncomfortable conversation for me. So it checks that box All the body language experts now can be like look how she's sitting. It's very obvious Uh, it should be obvious. This is definitely hard for me But this is the easiest and best person could have had this conversation with Yes, we're holding that was you. Why'd you make it to a handshake weirdo? That's how I shake hands. Thank you. Thank you for your time Because we're doing this video with the support of audible I'm going to be recommending some audio books that I have leaned on this year to better educate myself on anti-racism and racial identity Would love to hear in the comments some of the resources that you've tapped into Great job Thanks for watching this video sponsored by audible the leading provider of spoken word entertainment If you haven't checked them out yet give their 30 day free trial a try and explore the wide range of audio entertainment Also audible is the only place to listen to shan's audiobook the game of desire read by shan Visit audible.com slash shan booty to start listening now or if you're in the us You can text shan booty to 500 500 again. That's audible.com slash shan booty or text shan booty to 500 500