 Mountain Man by Robert Howard This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Mountain Man by Robert Howard I was robbing a bee tree when I heard my old man calling, Breckenridge? Oh Breckenridge? Where are you? I see you now. You don't need to climb that tree. I ain't gonna laryp you. He come up and said, Breckenridge, ain't that a bee sitting on your ear? I reached up and sure enough it was. Come to think about it, I had felt kind of like something was stinging me somewhere. I swar Breckenridge, said Pap. I've never seen a hide like yarn. Now listen to me. Old Buffalo Rogers is back from Tomahawk, and the postmaster there said there was a letter for me from Mississippi. He wouldn't give it to nobody but me or some of my folks. I don't know who'd be writing me from Mississippi. Last time I was there was when I was fighting the Yankees. But anyway, that letter has got to be got. Me and your ma has decided your to go get it. You hear me, Breckenridge? Clean the Tomahawk, I said. Gee whiz, Pap. Well, he said, combing his beard with his fingers. You're grod in size, if not in years. It's time you've seen something of the world. You ain't never been more than thirty miles away from the cabin you was born in. Your brother John ain't able to go on account of that bar he tangled with, and Bill is busy skinning the bar. You've been to where the trail passes, going to Tomahawk. All you got to do is follow it and turn to the right where it forks. The left goes on the perdition. Well, I was all eager to see the world, and the next morning I was off, dressed in new buckskins and riding my mule Alexander. Pap rode with me a few miles and gave me advice. Be careful how you spend that dollar I give you, he said. Don't gamble, drink and reason. Half a gallon of corn juice is enough for any man. Don't be techy, but don't forget that your Pap was once the rough and tumble champion of Gonzales County, Texas. And whilst you're feeling for the other fella's eye, don't be careless in letting jaw your ear off, and don't resist no officer. What's them, Pap? I inquired. Down in the settlements, he explained, they has men which their job is to keep the peace. I don't take no stock in law mis-self, but them city folks is different from us. You do what they says, and if they says give up your gun, why, you up and do it. I was shocked. I meditated a while and then says, how can I tell which is them? They'll have a silver star on their shirt, he says, so I said I'd do like he told me. He reigned around and went back up the mountain and I rode on down the path. Well, I camped that night where the path come out onto the main trail, and the next morning I rode on down the trail feeling like I was a long way from home. I hadn't went far till I passed a stream and decided I'd take a bath. So I tied Alexander to a tree and hung my buckskins nearby, but I took my gun-belt with my old cap and ball forty-four and hung it on a limb reaching out over the water. There was thick bushes all around the hole. Well, I divved deep, and as I come up I had a feeling like somebody had hit me over the head with a club. I looked up and there was a fella holding onto a limb with one hand and leaning out over the water with a club in the other hand. He yelled and swung at me again, but I divved and he missed and I come up right under the limb where my gun was hung. I reached up, grabbed it and let bam at him just as he dived into the bushes and he let out a squall and grabbed the seat of his pants. The next minute I heard a horse running and glimpsed him tearing away through the brush on a pinto Mustang, setting his horse like it was a red-hot stove. And during him he had my clothes in one hand. I was so upsot by this that I missed him clean and jumping out I charged through the bushes and saplings, but he was already out of sight. I noted it was one of them stern renegades which hit up in the hills and snuck down the steel and I wasn't afraid none, but what a fix I was in. He'd even stole my moccasins. I couldn't go home in that shape without the letter and admit I'd missed a rubber twice. That would lour up the tar out of me. And if I went on, what if I met some women in the valley settlements? I don't reckon they was ever a youngster half as bashful as what I was in them days. Cold sweat bust out all over me. At last, in desperation, I buckled my belt on and started down the trail toward Tomahawk. I was desperate enough to come at murder to get me some pants. I was glad the Indian didn't steal Alexander, but the going was so rough I had to walk and lead him, because I kept to the brush alongside the trail. He had a tough time getting through the bushes and the thorn scratched him so he hollered, and ever now and then I had to lift him over jagged rocks. It was tough on Alexander, but I was too bashful to travel in the open trail with no clothes on. After I'd gone maybe a mile, I heard someone in the trail ahead of me, and peeking through the bushes I seen a most peculiar sight. It was a man on foot, going the same direction as me, and he had on what I instinctively guessed was city clothes. They wasn't buckskin and was very beautiful with big checks and stripes all over them. He had on a round hat with a narrow brim and shoes like I hadn't never seen before, being neither boots or moccasins. He was dusty and he cussed as he limped along. Head of him I seen the trail made a horseshoe bin, so I cut straight across and got ahead of him, and as he come along I stepped out of the bush and threw down on him with my cap and ball. He throwed up his hands and hollered, Don't shoot! I don't want to, mister, I said, but I got to have clothes. He shook his head like he couldn't believe I was so. And he said, You ain't the color of an engine, but what kind of people live in these hills anyway? Most of them's Democrats, I said, but I got no time to talk politics. You climb out of them clothes. My God, he wailed. My horse threw me off and run away. I've been walking for hours expecting to get scalp by engines any minute, and now a naked lunatic on a mule demands my clothes. It's too much. I can't argue, mister. I said somebody may come up the trail any minute. Hustle! So saying, I shot his hat off to encourage him. He gave a howl and shucked his duds in a hurry. My underclothes too, he demanded, shivering, though it was very hot. Is that what them things is, I demanded, shocked? I never heard of a man wearing such womanish things. The country's going to the dogs, just like Pap says. You better get going. When I get to where I can get some regular clothes, we'll swap back. He clumped up on Alexander kind of dubious and said to me, despairful, will you tell me one thing? How do I get to Tomahawk? Take the next turn to the right, I said, and just then Alexander turned his head and seen them underclothes on his back, and he gave a loud and ring and bray and sought sail down the trail at full speed with a stranger hanging on with both hands. Before they was out of sight they come to where the trail forked, and Alexander took the left instead of the right and vanished amongst the ridges. I put on the clothes and they scratched my hide something fierce. I had never worn nothing but buckskin. The coat split down the back and the pants was too short, but the shoes was the worst. They pinched all over. I throwed away the socks, having never worn none, but put on what was left of a hat. I went on down the trail and took the right hand fork, and in a mile or so I come out on a flat and heard horses running. The next thing a mob of horsemen bust in the view. One of them yelled, There he is! And they all come for me, full tilt. Instantly I decided that the stranger had got to Tomahawk after all and set a posse on to me for stealing his clothes. So I left the trail and took out across a sage-grass and they all charged after me. Yelling for me to stop. Well then Dern's shoes pinched my feet so bad I couldn't hardly run. So after I'd run five or six hundred yards I perceived the horses were beginning to gain on me. So I wheeled with my cap and ball in my hand but I was going so fast when I turned then Dern's shoes slipped and I went over backwards into some cactus just as I pulled the trigger. So I only knocked the hat off the first horseman. He yelled and pulled up his horse right over me nearly and as I drawed another bead on him I seen he had a bright shiny star on his shirt. I dropped my gun and stuck up my hands. They swarmed round me, cowboys from their looks. The man with the star dismounted and picked up my gun and cussed. What did you lead us this chase through this heat and shoot at me for, he demanded. I didn't know you was an officer, I said. Hell, McVeigh said one of them. You know how jumpy Tenderfeet is. Likely he thought we was Santry's outlaws. Where's your horse? I ain't got none, I said. Got away from ya, Hanf, said McVeigh. Well, climb up behind Kirby here, let's get going. To my astonishment the sheriff stuck my gun back in the scabbard and I clump up behind Kirby in a way we went. Kirby kept telling me not to fall off and it made me mad. But I said nothing. After an hour or so we'd come to a bunch of houses they said was Tomahawk. I got panicky when I saw all them houses and would've jumped down and run for the mountains, only I'd know they'd catch me with them darn pinchy shoes on. I hadn't never seen such houses before. They was made out of boards mostly. And some was two stories high. To the northwest and west the hills rizz up a few hundred yards from the back of the houses and on the other sides there was planes with brush and timber on them. You boys ride into town and tell the folks that the shebang starts soon, said McVeigh. Me and Kirby and Richards will take him to the ring. I could see people milling around in the streets and never had no idea there was that many folks in the world. The sheriff and the other two fellows rode round the north end of the town and stopped at an old barn and told me to get off. So I did. We went in and they had a kind of room fixed up in there with benches and a lot of towels and water buckets. The sheriff said this ain't much of a dressing room but it'll have to do. Us boys don't know much about this game but we'll second, good as we can. One thing, the other fellow ain't got no manager or seconds neither. How do you feel? Fine, I said. But I'm kind of hungry. Go get him something, Richards, said the sheriff. I didn't think they ate just before about, said Richards. Oh, I reckon he knows what he's doing, said McVeigh. Go on. So Richards left and the sheriff and Kirby walked round me like I was a prize bull and felt my muscles and the sheriff said by golly if size means anything our dough is as good as in our britches right now. My dollar was in my belt. I said I would pay for my keep and they ha ha and slapped me on the back and said I was a great joker. Then Richards came back with a platter of grub with a lot of men wearing boots and guns and they stomped in and gawked at me. McVeigh said, look him over boys. Tomahawk stands or falls with him today. They started walking around me like him and Kirby done and I was embarrassed and ate three or four pounds of beef and a quart of mashed potatoes and a big hunk of white bread and drunk about a gallon of water because I was pretty thirsty. Then they all gaped at me like they were surprised about something and one of them said, how come he didn't arrive on the stagecoach yesterday? Well, said the sheriff. Suddenly he was so drunk they left him at Bisney and came on with his luggage which is over there in the corner. They got a horse and left it there with instructions for him to ride to Tomahawk as soon as he sobered up. Me and the boys got nervous today when he didn't show up so we went out looking for him and met him hoofing it down the trail. I bet them perdition ombre starts something, said Kirby. Ain't one of them showed up yet. They're settin' over at the perdition and havin' up bad liquor and broodin' on their wrongs. They sure wanted this show staged over there. They claimed that since Tomahawk was furnishing one half of the attraction and gunstalked the other, the Razzie oughta be throwed at perdition. Nothing to it, said McVay. It laid between Tomahawk and gunstalk and we throwed a coin in one. If perdition wants trouble she can get it. Is the boys raring to go? Is, they said, Richards. Every bar in Tomahawk is crowded with ombre full of liquor and civic pride. They're bettin' their shirts and they's been nine fights already. Everybody in gunstock's here. Well, let's get goin', said McVay, getting nervous. The quicker it's over the less blood there's likely to be spilled. The first thing I know they'd laid hold of me and was pullin' my clothes off. So it dawned on me that I must be under arrest for stealin' the stranger's clothes. Kirby dug into the baggage, which was in one corner of the stall and dragged out a funny-lookin' pair of pants. I know now they was white silk. I put them on cause I hadn't nothin' else to put on and they fit me like my skin. Richards tied an American flag around my waist and they put some spiked shoes on my feet. I let them do like they wanted to, rememberin' what Pap said about not resistin' an officer. Whilst so employed I began to hear a noise outside, like a lot of people, whoopin' and cheerin'. Pretty soon in came a skinny ol' gink with whiskers and two guns on and he hollered, "'Listen, Mac, burn it! A big shipment of gold is down there waitin' to be took off by the even stage, and the whole blind town is deserted on account of this foolishness. Suppose Comanche's sentry in his gang gets wind of it.' "'Well,' said MacVay, "'I'll send Kirby here to help you guard it.' "'You will like hell,' said Kirby. "'I'll resign his deputy first. I got every cent of my dough on this scrap and I aim to see it. I'll send somebody,' said the ol' conjure, "'I've got enough to do runnin' my store and the stage-stand and the post-office without...' He left, mumbling in his whiskers, and I said, "'Who's that?' "'Aw,' said Kirby, that's old man Braxton that runs that store down at the other end of town on the east side of the street. The post-office is in there, too. "'I've got to see him,' I said. "'There's a letter. Just then another man came surging in and hollered. "'Hey, is your man ready? Everybody's gettin' impatient.' "'All right,' said MacVay, throwing over me a thing he called a bathrobe. Him and Kirby and Richards picked up towels and buckets and we went out the opposite door from what we come in and there was a big crowd of people there and they whooped and shot off their pistols. I would have bolted back into the barn only they grabbed me and said it was all right. We went through the crowd and I'd never seen so many boots and pistols in my life. And we'd come to a square pin, made out of four posts set in the ground and ropes stretched between. They called this a ring and told me to get in. I'd done so and they had turf packed down so the ground was level as a floor and hard and solid. They told me to sit down on a stool in one corner and I did and wrap my robe round me like an engine. Then everybody yelled and some men from gun-stock they said, clumped through the ropes on the other side. One of them was dressed like I was and I'd never seen such a human. His ears looked like cabbages. His nose was flat and his head was shaved. He sat down in an opposite corner. Then a fella got up and waved his arms and hollered, gents, you all know the occasion of this here suspicious event. Mr. Bat Old Tool happening to pass through gun-stock consented to fight anybody that would meet him. Tomahawk allowed the furnish that opposition by sending all the way to Denver to procure the services of Mr. Bruiser McGurty, formerly of San Francisco. He pointed at me. Everybody cheered, shot off their pistols and I was embarrassed and bust out in a cold sweat. This fight, said the fella, will be a cordon to London Prize Ring Rules, same as in a championship go. Bare fist, round ends when one of them's knock-down or throw-down. Fight lasts till one or two other ain't able to come up to the scratch at the call of time. I, Yucca Blaine, have been selected referee because, being from Chaud ear, I got no prejudices either way. Ready. Time. McVeigh hold me off my stool and pulled off my bathrobe and pushed me out into the ring. I nearly died with embarrassment but I seen the fellow they called Old Tool didn't have on no more clothes than me. He approached and held out his hand, so I held out mine. We shook hands and then without no warning he hit me an awful lick on the jaw with his left. It was like being kicked by a mule. The part of me which hit the turf was the back of my head. Old Tool stalked back to his corner and the gun-stocked boys was dancing and hugging each other and that Tomahawk fellas was growling in their whiskers and fumbling for guns and buoy knives. McVeigh and his men rushed into the ring before I could get up and drag me to my corner and began pouring water on me. Are ya hurt much, yelled McVeigh? How can a man's fist hurt anybody, I asked? I wouldn't have fell down, only it was so unexpected. I didn't know he was going to hit me. I never played no game like this before. McVeigh dropped the towel he was beating me in the face with and turned pale. Ain't you bruiser McGurty of San Francisco, he hollered? Nah, I said. I'm Breckenridge Elkins from up in the Humboldt Mountains. I come here to get a letter for Pap but the stage driver described in clothes he began loudly. A fowler stole my clothes, I explained, so I took some off in a stranger. Maybe he was Mr. McGurty. What's the matter, asked Kirby, coming up with another bucket of water? Time's about ready to be called. We're sunk, Bald McVeigh. This ain't McGurty. This is a turned hillbilly which murdered McGurty and stole his clothes. We're ruined, exclaimed Richards aghast. Everybody's bet their dough without even seeing our man. They was that full of trust and civic pride. We can't call it off now. Tomahawk is ruined. What'll we do? He's going to get in there and fight his dirtest, said McVeigh, pulling his gun and jamming it into my back. We'll hang him after the fight. But he can't box, wailed Richards. No matter, said McVeigh, the fair name of our town is at stake. Tomahawk promised to furnish a fighter to fight this fellow old tool and, oh, I said, suddenly see in light, this here's a fight, ain't it? McVeigh gave a low moan and Kirby reached for his gun, but just then the referee hollered time and I jumped up and ran at old tool. If a fight was all they wanted, I was satisfied. All that talk about rules and the yelling of the crowd had had me so confused I didn't know what it was all about. I hid at old tool and he ducked and hit me in the belly and on the nose and in the eye and on the ear. My blood spurred it and the crowd yelled and he looked dumbfounded and gritted between his teeth. Are you human? Why don't you fall? I spit out a mouthful of blood and got my hands on him and started chewing his ear and he squalled like a catamount. Yacker run in and tried to pull me loose and I gave him a slap under the ear and he turned a somersault into the ropes. Your man's fighting foul, he squalled and Kirby yelled, you're crazy, you see this gun? You holler foul once more and it'll go off. Meanwhile, old tool had broke loose from me and caved in his knuckles on my jaw and I'd come for him again because I was mad by this time. He gasped, if you want to make an alley fight out of it, all right, I wasn't raised at five points for nothing. He then rammed his knee into my groan and groped for my eye but I got his thumb in my teeth and began masticating it and the way he howled was a caution. By this time the crowd was crazy and I throwed old tool and began to stomping when somebody let bang at me from the crowd and the bullet cut my silk belt and my pants started to fall down. I grabbed him with both hands and old tool risen rushed at me, bloody and bellerant. I didn't dare let go of my pants to defend myself so I whirled and bent over and lashed out backwards with my right heel like a mule and I caught him under the chin. He'd done a cartwheel in the air, his head hit the turf and he bounced on over and landed on his back with his knees hooked over the lower rope. There wasn't no question about him being out. The only question was, was he dead? A great roar of foul went up from the gunstock men and guns bristled all around the ring. The Tomahawk men was cheering and yelling that I'd won fair and square and the gunstock men was cussing and threatening me when someone hollered, leave it to the referee. Sure, said Kirby, he knows our man won fair and if he don't say so I'll blow his head off. That's a lie, Bellard, a man from gunstock. He knows it was foul and if he says it wasn't I'll carve his liver with this here buoy knife. At these words Yucca killed over in a dead faint then a clatter of hooves sounded above the din and out of the timber that hid the trail from the east a gang, a horseman rode at a run. Everyone whirled and yelled, Look out, here comes them perdition illegitimates. Instantly a hundred guns covered them and McVeigh demanded, Come ye in peace or in war. Would come to unmask a fraud, roared a big man with a red bandana around his neck. McGurdy come forth, a familiar figure, now dressed in cowboy togs, pushed forward on my mule. There he is, the figure yelled, pointing at me, that's the desperado which robbed me. Them's my tights he's got on. What's this roared the crowd? I turned fake, bellared the man with a red bandana. This here is Bruiser McGurdy. Then who's he, someone bald pointing at me? My name's Breckenridge Elkins and I can lick any man here I roared, getting mad. I brandished my fists in defiance but my britches started sliding down again so I had to shut up and grab them. Aha! the man with a red bandana howled like a hyena. He admits it. I don't know what the idea is but these tomahawk pole cats has double-crossed somebody. I trust that you jackasses from gun stock realizes the blackness and hellishness of their hearts. This man McGurdy rode into perdition a few hours ago in his unmentionables, a straddle of that their mule and told us how he'd been held up and robbed and put on the wrong road. You skunks was too proud to stage this fight in perdition but we ain't the men to see justice scorned with impunity. We brought McGurdy here to show you you was being jipped by tomahawk. That man ain't no prize fighter. He's a highway robber. These tomahawk coyotes has framed us. Squalled a gun stock man going for his gun. You're a liar, roared Richards bending a .45 barrel over his head. The next instant guns was crashing, knives was gleaming, and men was yelling blue murder. The gun stock braves turned frothing on the tomahawk warriors and the men from perdition yelping with glee pulled their guns and began fanning the crowd indiscriminately which gave back their fire. McGurdy gave a howl and fell down on Alexander's neck gripping around it with both arms and Alexander departed in a cloud of dust and smoke. I grabbed my gun belt which McVeigh had hung over the post in my corner and I headed for cover holding on to my britches whilst the bullets hummed round me thick as bees. I wanted to take to the brush but I remembered that blamed letter so I headed for town. Behind me there rose a roar of banging guns and yelling men just as I got to the backs of the rows of buildings which lined the street I run into something soft head on. It was McGurdy trying to escape on Alexander. He had hold of only one rain and Alexander evidently having circled one end of the town was travelling in a circle and heading back where he started from. I was going so fast I couldn't stop and I run right over Alexander and all three of us went down in a heap. I jumped up afraid Alexander was killed but he scrambled up snorting and trembling and then McGurdy weaved up making funny noises. I poked my cap and ball into his belly off with them pants I yelled my god he screamed again this is getting to be a habit. Hustle I bellowed you can have these scandals I got on now. He shucked his britches grabbed him tights and run like he feared I'd won his underwear too. I jerked on the pants forked Alexander and headed for the south in the town. I kept behind the buildings though the town seemed to be deserted and pretty soon I come to the store where Kirby had told me old man Braxton kept the post office. Guns was barking there and across the street I seen men ducking in and out behind an old shack and shooting. I tied Alexander to a corner of the store and went in the back door. Up in the front part I seen old man Braxton kneeling behind some barrels with a forty-five ninety and he was shooting at the fellas in the shack across the street. Every now and then a slug would hum through the door and comas whiskers and he would cuss worse than Pap did that time he sat down on a bear trap. I went up to him and tapped him on the shoulder and he gave a squall and flopped over and bam right in my face and singed off my eyebrows and the fellas across the street hollered and started shooting at both of us. I grabbed the barrel of his Winchester and he was cussing and jerking at it with one hand and feeling in his boot for a knife with the other. I said, Mr. Braxton if you ain't too busy I wish you'd give me that their letter which come for Pap. Don't never come up behind me that way again he squalled I'll duck you fool. I let go of his gun and he took a shot at a head which was aiming around the shack and the head let out a squall and disappeared. Who are them fellas I asked. Comanche Santry in his bunch from up in the hill snarled old man Braxton jerking the lever of his Winchester they come after that gold. A hell of a sheriff McVeigh is never sent me nobody and them fools over at the ring are making so much noise over here. Look out here they come. Six or seven men rushed out from behind the shack and run across the street shooting as they come. I seen I'd never get my letter as long as all this fighting was going on. So I unslunged my old cap and ball and let bam at him three times. Three of the outlaws fell across each other in the street and the rest turned and run behind the shack. Good work boy! yelled old man Braxton, if I ever old Judasus Carriot we're blowed up now. Something was pushed around the corner of the shack and come rolling down toward us the shack being on higher ground than the store was. It was a keg with a burning fuse which whirled as the keg revolved and looked like a wheel of fire. What's in that keg I asked. Blast and powder! screamed old man Braxton scrambling up. Run you turn fool it's coming right into the door! He was so scared he forgot all about the fellas across the street and one of them caught him in the thigh with a buffalo rifle. He plunked down again howling blue murder. I stepped over into the door. That's when I got the slug in my hip and the keg hit my legs and stopped. So I picked it up and heaved it back across the street. It hadn't no more and hit the shack when bam it exploded and the shack went up in smoke. When it stopped raining pieces of wood and metal they wasn't any sign to show any outlaws had ever hid behind where that shack had been. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't saw it, old man Braxton moaned faintly. Are you hurt bad Mr. Braxton? I asked. I'm dying he groaned. Plumb dying. Before you die Mr. Braxton I said would you mind giving me that there letter for PAP? What's your PAP's name? he asked. Roaring Bill Elkins I said he wasn't hurt as bad as he thought. He reached up, got hold of a leather bag and fumbled in it pulled out an envelope. I remember telling old Buffalo Rogers I had a letter for Bill Elkins he said fingering it over then he said hey wait this ain't for your PAP my sight's getting bad I read it wrong the first time. This is for Bill Elston that lives between here and perdition. Now I want to spike a rumor which says I tried to murder old man Braxton and tore his door down for spite. I've done told how he got his leg broke and the rest was accidental. When I realized that I had went through all that embarrassment for nothing I got so mad and disgusted I turned and ran out of the back door and I forgot to open the door and that's how it got tore off the hinges. I then jumped on to Alexander and forgot to untie him from the store. I kicked him in the ribs and he bolted and tore loose that corner of the building and that's how come the roof to fall in. Old man Braxton inside was scared and started yelling bloody murder and about that time a lot of men come up to investigate the explosion which had stopped the three cornered paddle between Tomahawk and Gunstock and they thought I was the cause of everything and they all started shooting at me as I rode off then was when I got that charge of buckshot in my back. I went out of Tomahawk and up the hill trail so fast I bet me and Alexander look like a streak and I says to myself the next time Pap gets a letter at the post office he can come after it his self cause it's evident that civilization ain't no place for a boy which ain't reached his full growth and strength. End of Mountain Man. Guns of the Mountains by Robert Howard this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Guns of the Mountains by Robert Howard This business begun with Uncle Garfield Elkins coming up from Texas to visit us between Grizzly Run and Chaud Ear the stage got held up by some masked bandits and Uncle Garfield never being able to forget that he was a gunfighting fool thirty or forty years ago fooled his old cap and ball instead of putting up his hands like he was advised to for some reason instead of blowing out his light they merely busted him over the head with a forty-five barrel and when he come to he was rattling on his way toward Chaud Ear with the other passengers minus his money and watch it was his watch what caused the trouble that their timepiece had been his grandpaps more stored by it than he did all his kin folks when he arrived up in the humble mountains where our cabin was he immediately led into howling his woes to the stars like a wolf with a belly ache and from then on we hear nothing but that watch I'd saw it and thought very little of it it was as big as my fist and wound up with a key Uncle Garfield was always losing and looking for but it was solid gold and he called it a hair loom whatever them things is and he nigh-drived the family crazy a parcel of big hulks like you all sitting around letting an old man get robbed of all his property he would say bitterly when I was a young buck my uncle had been abused that way I'd took the trail and never slept nor ate till I brung back his watch and a scalp of a skunk which stole it men nowadays and so on and so on till I felt like drowning the old jassic in a barrel of corn liquor finally Papp says to me combing his beard with his fingers wrecking range as he I've endured Uncle Garfield's belly I can all I aim to I want you to go look for his cussed watch and don't come back without it how am I gonna know where to look I protested aghast the fellow which got it may be in California or Mexico by now I realizes the difficulties says Papp but if Uncle Garfield knows somebody's out looking for his darn timepiece maybe he'll give the rest of us some peace you get going and if you can't find that watch don't come back till after Uncle Garfield has went home how long is he gonna stay I demanded well said Papp Uncle Garfield's visits last a year at least at this I bust into profanity I said I've got to stay away from home a year dang it Papp Jim Braxton will steal Ellen Reynolds away from me whilst I'm gone I've been courting that girl till I'm ready to fall dead I done licked her old man three times and now just when I got her looking my way tell me I gotta up and leave her for a year for that darn Jim Braxton to have no competition with you gotta choose between Ellen Reynolds and your own flesh and blood said Papp I'm darned if I'll listen to Uncle Garfield's squawks any longer you make your own choice but if you don't choose to do what I asked you to I'll fill your hide with a shot every time I see you from now on well the result of that was that I was presently riding morosely away from home and Ellen Reynolds and in the general direction of where Uncle Garfield's blasted watch might possibly be I passed by the Braxton cabin with the intention of dropping Jim a warning about his actions whilst I was gone for a year so I issued a general defiance to the family by slinging a 45 slug through the window which knocked a cob pipe out of old man Braxton's mouth that soothed me a little but I knowed very well that Jim would make a beeline for the Reynolds cabin the second I was out of sight I could just see him gorging on Ellen's bare meat and honey and bragging myself I hoped Ellen would notice the difference between a loudmouth bolster like him and a quiet modest young man like me which never bragged though admittedly the biggest man and the best fighter in the Humboldts I hoped to meet Jim somewhere in the woods as I rode down the trail for I was intending to do something to kind of impede his court while I was gone like breaking his leg or something but luck wasn't with me I headed in the general direction of Chaudhier and the next day seen me riding in gloomy grandeur through a country quite distant from Ellen Reynolds Pap always said my curiosity would be the ruination of me some day but I never could listen to guns popping up in the mountains without wanting to find out who was killing who so that morning when I heard the rifles talking off amongst the trees I turned Captain Kidd aside and left the trail and rode in the direction of the noise a dim path wound up through the big boulders and bushes and the shooting kept getting louder pretty soon I come out into a glade and just as I did BAM somebody let go of me from the bushes in a 45-70 slug cut both my bridle reins nearly in half I instantly returned the shot with my 45 getting just a glimpse of something in the brush and a man let out a squall and jumped out into the open ringing his hands my bullet had hit the lock of his Winchester and the mighty nigh jarred his hands off him cease that ungodly noise I said sternly fighting my 45 at his bay window and tell me how come did Wei Lei's innocent travelers he quit working his fingers moaning and said I thought you was Joel Karn the outlaw you're about his size well I ain't I said I'm Breckenridge Elkins from the Humboldts I was just riding over to learn what all the shooting was about the guns was firing in the trees behind the fella and someone yelled what was the matter ain't nothing the matter he hollered back just a misunderstanding and he said to me I'm glad to see you Elkins we need a man like you I'm Sheriff Dick Hopkins from Grizzly Run we're at your star I inquired I lost it in the brush he said me and my deputies have been chasing Tarantula Bixby and his gang for a day and a night and we got him cornered over there in the old deserted cabin in the holler the boys is shooting at him now I heard you coming up the trail and snuck over to see who it is just as I said I thought you was Karn come on with me you can help us I ain't no deputy I said I got nothing against Tarantula Bixby well you want to uphold the law don't you he said nah I said well gee whiz he wailed if you ain't a hell of a citizen the country's going to the dogs what chance has an honest man got oh shut up I said I'll go over and see the fun anyhow so he picked up his gun I tied Captain Kidd and followed the Sheriff through the trees till we come to some rocks and there was four men laying behind them rocks and shooting down into a holler the hill sloped away mighty steep into a small basin that was just like a bowl with a rim of slopes all around in the middle of this bowl was a cabin and puffs of smoke was coming from the cracks between the logs the men behind the rocks looked at me in surprise and one of them said what the hell but the Sheriff scowled at him and said boys this here's Breck Elkins I done told him already about us being a posse from Grizzly Run and about how we got Tarantula Bixby and two of his cutthroats trapped in that there cabin one of the deputies bust into a guffaw and Hopkins glared at him and said what you laughing about you spotted hyenaer I swallowed my tobacco and that always gives me the hystericals mumbled the deputy look in the other way I pulled up your right hand Elkins requested Hopkins so I done so wondering what for and he said does you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth ye pluribus unum anodominecker to wit in status quo what the hell are you talking about I demanded them which God has jigned the Sunday let no man put together said Hopkins whatever you say will be used against you I just swore you in go sit on a tack I said disgustedly go catch your own thieves and don't look at me like that I might bend a gun over your skull but Elkins pleaded Hopkins with your help we can catch them rats easy all you got to do is lay up here behind this big rock and shoot at the cabin and keep them occupied till we can sneak round and rush them from the rear see the brush comes down pretty close at the foot of the slope on the other side and gives us cover we can do it easy with someone keeping their attention over here I'll give you part of the reward I don't want no darn blood money I said back and away and besides ow I'd absent mindedly backed out from behind the big rock where I'd been standing and a 3030 slug burned its way across the seat of my britches turn them murderers I bellard seeing red give me a rifle I'll learn him to shoot a man behind his back go on take them in the rear I'll keep them busy good boy said Hopkins you'll get plenty for this it sounded like somebody was snickering to themselves as they snuck away but I give no heed that's when it cautiously around the big boulder and begin sniping at the cabin all I could see to shoot at was the puffs of smoke which marked the cracks they were shooting through but from the cussing and yelling which begun to float up from the shack I must have throwed some lead mighty close to them they kept shooting back and the bullets splashed and buzzed on the rocks and I kept looking at the further slope for some sign of Sheriff Hopkins in the posse but all I heard was a sound of horses galloping away toward the west I wondered who it could be and I kept expecting the posse to rush down the opposite slope and take them desperadoes in the rear and whilst I was craning my neck around the corner of the boulder, whang a bullet smashed into the rock a few inches from my face and a sliver of stone took a notch out of my ear I don't know enough and it makes me matter to get shot in the ear I seen red and didn't even shoot back a mere rifle was too paltry to satisfy me suddenly I realized that the big boulder in front of me was just poised on the slope, it's underside partly embedded in the earth I throwed down my rifle and bent my knees and spread my arms and gripped I shook the sweat and blood out of my eyes and bellard so them and the holler could hear me I'm giving you all a chance to surrender come out, your hands up they gave loud and sarcastic jeers and I yelled back all right you ring-tailed jack asses if you get squished like a pancake it's your own fault here she comes and I heaved with all I had the veins stood out on my temples my feet sunk into the ground but the earth bulged and cracked all around the big rock rivulets of dirt began to trickle down and the big boulder groaned gave way and lurched over a dumb founded yell rizz from the cabin I left behind a bush but the outlaws was too surprised to shoot at me that enormous boulder was tumbling down the hill the bushes flat and gathering speed as it rolled and the cabin was right in its path wild yells bust the air the door was throat violently open and a man hoeven to view just as he started out of the door I let bam at him and he howled and ducked back just like anybody will when a .4590 slug knocks their hat off the next instant that thundering boulder hit the cabin smash! it knocked it sidewise like a tin pin and caved in the wall the whole structure collapsed in a cloud of dust and bark and splinters I run down the slope and from the yells which issued from under the ruins I know they hadn't all been killed does you all surrender I roared yeah, darn it they squalled get us out from under this landslide throw out your guns I ordered how in hell can we throw anything they hollered wrathfully we're pinned down by a ton of rocks and boards and we're being squozed to death help, murder ah, shut up I said you don't hear me carrying on in no such hysterical way does you well they moaned and complained and I sought to work dragging the ruins off them which wasn't no great task pretty soon I seen a booted leg and I laid hold of it and dragged out the critter it was fastened to and he looked more done up than what my brother Bill did that time he rassled a mountain lion for a bet I took his pistol out of his belt laying down on the ground and got the others out there was three all together and I disarmed them and laid them out in a row their clothes was nearly tore off and they was bruised and scratched and had splinters in their hair but they wasn't hurt permanent they sought up and fell to their selves and one of them said this here is the first earthquake I ever seen in this country it weren't no earthquakes at another it was an avalanche listen here Joe Partland said the first and grind in his teeth I says it was an earthquake and I ain't the man to be called a liar oh you ain't well let me tell you something Frank Jackson this ain't no time for such arguments I admonish them sternly as for that there rock I rolled that at you myself they gaped at me who are you said one of them mopping the blood off of his ear never mind I said you see this here Winchester you all sit still and rest yourselves soon as a sheriff gets here I'm going to hand you over to him his mouth fell open sheriff he said dumb like what sheriff Dick Hopkins from Grizzly Run I said why you darn fool he screamed scrambling up sit down I roared and shoved my raffle barrel at him back all white and shaking he could hardly talk listen to me he gasped I'm Dick Hopkins I'm sheriff of Grizzly Run these men are my deputies yeah I said sarcastically and who was the fellow shooting at you from the brush Tarantula Bixby and his gang he said we was following them when they jumped us and being outnumbered and surprised by the cover in that old hut they robbed the Grizzly Run bank day before yesterday and now they'll be getting further away every minute oh Judas J as scary of all the dumb boneheaded jackasses he he he I said cynically you must think I ain't got no sense if you're the sheriff where at's your star it was on my suspenders he said despairingly when you hold me out by the leg my suspenders caught on something and tore off if you'll let me look amongst them ruins you sit still I commanded you can't fool me your tarantula Bixby yourself Sheriff Hopkins told me so him and the posse you'll be here in a little while sit still and shut up we stayed there and the feller which claimed to be the sheriff moaned and pulled his hair and shed a few tears and the other fellas tried to convince me they was deputies until I got tired of their gab and told them to shut up or I'd been my Winchester over their heads I wondered why Hopkins and them didn't come and I'd begun to get nervous and all at once the fella which said he was the sheriff gave a yell that startled me so I jumped and nearly shot him he had something in his hand and was waving it around see here his voice cracked he hollered so loud I found it it must have fell down in my shirt when my suspenders busted look at that you darn mountain grizzly I looked and my flesh crawled it was a shiny silver star Hopkins said he lost his and I said weekly maybe you found it in the brush you know better he bellowed you're one of bixby's man you was sent to hold us here while tarantula and the rest made their get away you'll get ninety years for this I turned cold all over as I remembered them horses I heard galloping I'd been fooled this was the sheriff that pot belly thug which shot at me had been bixby his self and whilst I held up the real sheriff and his posse them outlaws was riding out of the country now wasn't that a caution you better give me that gun and surrender opined Hopkins maybe if you do they won't hang you set still I snarled I'm the biggest sap that ever straddled a must hang but even saps has their feelings you ain't gonna put me behind no bars I'm going up this slope but I'll be watching you I've throwed your guns over in the brush if any of you makes a move toward them I'll put a harp in his hand nobody craved a harp they set up a chant of hate as I backed away but they sought still I went up the slope backwards till I hit the rim then I turned and ducked into the brush and run I heard them cussing something awful down in the holler but I didn't pause I come to where I'd left cat and kid and forked him in road thankful them outlaws had been too big a hurry to steal him I throwed away the rifle they give me and headed west I aimed to cross wild river at ghost canyon and head into the uninhabited mountain region beyond there I figured I could dodge a posse indefinite once I got there I pushed cat and kid hard cussing my reins which had been notched by bixby's bullet I didn't have time to fix them and cat and kid was an iron jawed outlaw he was sweating plenty when I finally hove inside of the place I was heading for as I topped the canyon's crest before I dipped down to the crossing I glanced back they was a high notch in the hills a mile or so behind me as I looked three horsemen was etched in that notch against the sky behind them I cussed fervently why hadn't I had sense enough to know Hopkins and his men was bound to have horses tied somewhere near they got their mounts and followed me figured I'd aim for the country beyond the wild river it was about the only place I could go not wanting no run and fight with no sheriff's posse I raced recklessly down the sloping canyon wall busted out of the bushes and stopped short wild river was on the rampage bank full in the narrow channel and boiling and foaming been a big rain somewhere way up on the head and the horse was never fold which could swarm it it wasn't but one thing to do and I done it I wheeled cat and kid and headed up the canyon five miles up the river there was another crossing with a bridge if it hadn't been washed away cat and kid had a second wind and we was going lickety split when suddenly I heard a noise ahead of us above the roar of the river and the thunder of his hooves on the rocky canyon floor we was approaching a bend in the gorge when a low ridge run out from the canyon wall and beyond that ridge I heard guns banging I heaved back on the rains and both of them snapped into cat and kid instantly clamped his teeth on the bit and bolted like he always done when anything out of the ordinary happened he headed straight for the bushes at the end of the ridge and I leaned forward and tried to get hold of the bit rings with my fingers but all I done was swerving from his course instead of following the canyon bed on around the end of the ridge he went right over the rise which sloped on that side it didn't slope on the other side it fell away abruptly I had a fleeting glimpse of five men crouching among the bushes on the canyon floor with guns in their hands they looked up and cat and kid braced his legs and slid to a halt at the lip of the low bluff and simultaneously bogged his head and throwed me head over heels down amongst them my boot heel landed on somebody's head and the spur knocked him cold and blamed near scalping that partially busted my fall and it was further cushioned by another fellow which I landed on in a sitting position and which took no further interest in the proceedings the other three fell on me with loud brutal yells and I reached for my forty-five and found to my humiliation that it had fell out of my scabbard when I was throwed so I rised with a rock in my hand and bounced it off of the head of a fellow who was fixing to shoot me with this pistol and fell on top of it at this juncture one of the survivors put a buffalo gun to his shoulder and sided then evidently fearon he'd hit his companion which was carving at me on the other side with a buoy knife he reversed it and run in swinging it like a club the man with the knife got in a slash across my ribs and I then hit him on the chin which was how his jawbone got broken because of his injuries meanwhile the other swung at me with his rifle but missed my head and broke the stock off across my shoulder irritated at his persistency and trying to brain me with the barrel I laid hands on him and throwed him head on against the bluff which is when he got his fractured skull and concussion of the brain I reckon I then shook the sweat from my eyes and glaring down recognized the remains of the gang I might have knew they'd head for the wild country across the river same as me only place they could go just then however a clump of bushes parted near a river bank and a big black bearded man risen up from behind the dead horse he had a sick shooter in his hand and he approached me cautiously who were you he demanded where'd you come from I'm Breckenridge Elkins I answered mopping the blood off of my shirt what is this here business anyway I was sitting here peaceable waiting for the river to go down so I could cross he said when up rode these yags and started shooting I'm an honest citizen you're a liar I said with my usual diplomacy you're Joel Carr in the worst outlaw in the hills I've seen your picture in the post office here with that he pined his 45 at me and his beard bristled like the whiskers of an old Timber Wolf so you know me eh he said what are you gonna do about it eh wanna collect the reward money eh nah I don't I said I'm an outlaw myself now I just run foul of the law count of these skunks there's a posse right behind me peace Narrow why don't you say so here let's catch these fellas horses and light out cheap skates they claimed I double crossed them in the matter of a stagecoach hold up we pulled together recently I've been avoiding them cause I'm a peaceful man by nature but they rode on to me unexpected today they shot my horse first crack we've been trading lead for more than an hour without doing much damage but they had got me eventually I reckon come on we'll pull out together no we won't I said I'm an outlaw by force of circumstances but I ain't no murdering bandit pretty particular your company ain't ya he sneered well anyways help me catch a horse yours is still up there on that bluff the day's still young he pulled out a big gold watch and looked at it it was one which wound with a key I jumped like I was shot where'd you get that watch I hollered he jerked up his head kind of startled and said my grand-pap give me it why here a liar I bellard you took that off in my uncle Garfield give me that watch are you crazy he yelled going white under his whiskers I plunged for him seeing red and he let go bang I got it in the left thigh before he could shoot again I was on top of him and knocked the gun up it banged but the bullet went singing up over the bluff and captain kid squealed and started changing ends the pistol flew out of Cairne's hand and he hit me violently on the nose which made me see stars so I hit him in the belly and he grunted and doubled up and come up with a knife out of his boot which he cut me across the bosom with and also in the shoulder and arm and kicked me in the growing so I swung him clear the ground and throwed him head first and jumped on him with both feet and that settled him I picked up the watch where it had fell and staggered over to the cliff spurt and blood at every step like a stock hog at last my search is at an end I panted I can go back to Ellen Reynolds who patiently awaits the return of her hero it was at this instant that captain kid which had been stung by Cairne's wild shot and was trying to buck off his saddle bucked his self off the bluff he fell on me the first thing I heard was bells ringing then they turned to horses galloping I set up and wiped off the blood which was running into my eyes from where captain kid's left hind hoof had split my scalp then I seen Sheriff Hopkins Nixon and Pardland come tearing around the ridge I tried to get up and run but my right leg wouldn't work I reached for my gun and it still wasn't there I was trapped look there yelled Hopkins wild-eyed that's fixed beyond the ground and all is gang and ye gods there's Joel Cairne what is this anyhow it looks like a paddle field and what's that sitting there he's so bloody I can't recognize him it's the hillbilly yelp Jackson don't move or I'll shoot ya I already been shot I snarled go on do your worst fate is against me they dismounted and stared in awe count the dead boys said Hopkins in a still small voice awe said Pardland ain't none of them dead but they'll never be the same men again look Bixby's coming too who done this Bixby Bixby cast a wabbly eye about till he spied me then he moaned and shriveled up he done it he wailed he trailed his town like a bloodhound and jumped on us from behind he tried to scalp me he ain't human they looked at me and all took off their hats Elkins said Hopkins in a tone of reverence I see it all now they fooled you into thinking they was the posse and us the outlaws didn't they and when you realize the truth you hunted them down didn't you and cleaned them out single handed and Joel Karn too didn't you well I said groggily we understand Hopkins you mountain men are all modest hey boys tie up them outlaws whilst I look at Elkins wounds if you'll catch my horse I said I gotta be riding back gee whiz man he said you ain't no shape to ride a horse do you know you got four busted ribs a broke arm one leg broke and a bullet in the other to say nothing of being slashed to ribbons we'll rig up a litter for you what's that you got in your good hand I suddenly remembered Uncle Garfield's watch which I'd kept clutched in a death grip I stared at what I held in my hand and I fell back with a low moan all I had in my hand was a bunch of busted metal broken wheels and springs bent and smashed plum beyond recognition grabbing yelled Hopkins he's fainted plant me under a pine tree boys I murmured weakly just carve on my tombstone he fit a good fight but fate dealt him the joker a few days later a melancholic procession wound its way up the trail into the Humboldts I was packed on a litter I told him I wanted to see Alan Reynolds before I died and to show Uncle Garfield the ruins of the watch so he'd known I'd done my duty as I seen it as we approached the locality where my home cabin stood who should meet us but Jim Braxton which tried to conceal his pleasure when I told him in a weak voice that I was a dying man he was all dressed up in new buckskins and his exuberance was plum disgustful in my conditions too bad he said too bad Breckenridge I hope to meet you but not like this of course your pap told me to tell you if I seen you about your Uncle Garfield's watch he thought I might run into you on my way to Chod Ear to get a license eh? I said pricking up my ears yeah me and Alan Reynolds is gonna get married well as I started to say seems like one of them bandits Bob the stage was a fella whose dad was a friend of your Uncle Garfield's back in Texas he recognized the name on the watch and sent it back and it got here the day after you left they say it was jealousy which made me rise up on my litter and fracture Jim Braxton's jawbone I denies that I stooped to know such petty practices what impelled me was family conventions I couldn't hit Uncle Garfield I had to hit somebody and Jim Braxton just happened to be the nearest one to me end of guns of the mountains The Scalp Hunter by Robert Howard this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org The Scalp Hunter by Robert Howard the reason I am given the full facts of this here affair is to refute a lot of rumors which is circulating about me I am sick and tired of these lies about me terrorizing the town of Grizzly Claw and ruining their wagon yard just for spite and trying to murder all their leading citizens they is more than one side to anything these folks which is going around telling about me knocking the mayor a Grizzly Claw down a flight of steps with a kitchen stove ain't yet added that the mayor was trying to blast me with a sawed-off shotgun as for saying that all I done was with malice of forethought and why if I was a hotheaded man like some I know I could easily lose my temper over this here slander but being shy and retiring by nature I keeps my dignity and merely remarks that these gossipers is blamed liars and I will kick their ears off of them if I catch them I weren't even going to Grizzly Claw in the first place I'm kind of particular where I go to I'd been in the settlements along Wild River for several weeks tinned into my own business and I was headed for Pistol Mountain when I seen Tunk Willoughby sitting on a log at the forks where the trail to Grizzly Claw splits off of a Pistol Mountain road Tunk ain't got no more sense than the law allows anyway and now he looked plum discouraged he had a mangled ear a couple of black eyes and a lump on his head so big his hat wouldn't fit from time to time he spit out a tooth I pulled up Captain Kidd and said what kind of brawl have you been into I've been to Grizzly Claw he said just like that explained it but I didn't get the drift because I had never been to Grizzly Claw that's the meanest town in these mountains he said they ain't got no real law there but they got a feller which claims to be an officer and if you so much as spit he says you bust a law and has got to pay a fine he puts up a holler the citizens come to his assistance you see what happened to me I never found out just what law I was supposed to bro, Tunk said but it must have been one they was particular fond of I give them a good fight as long as they confine themselves to rocks and gun butts but when they introduce fence rails and wagon tongues into the fray I give up the ghost what you go there for anyhow I demanded well he said mopping off some dry blood I was looking for you three or four days ago I was in the vicinity of Bear Creek and your cousin Jack Gordon told me something to tell you him showing no sign of going on I said well what was it I can't remember he said that lamin they give me in grizzly claw has plum-addled my brains Jack told me to tell you to keep a sharp look out for somebody but I can't remember who or why but somebody had did something awful to somebody on Bear Creek seems like it was your uncle Jeopard Grimes but why did you go to grizzly claw I demanded I weren't there I don't know seems like the feller which Jack wanted you to get was from grizzly claw or supposed to go there or something a great help you be I said in disgust here somebody has went and wronged one of my kin folks maybe and you forgets the details try to remember the name of the feller anyway if I knew who he was I could lay him out and then find out what he did later on think can't ya did you ever have a wagon tongue busted over your head he said I tell ya it's just right recent that I remembered my own name it was all I could do to recognize you just now if you'll come back in a couple of days maybe by then I'll remember what all Jack told me I give a snort of disgust and turned off the road and headed up the trail for grizzly claw I thought maybe I could learn something there if somebody had done dirt to Uncle Jeopard I wanted to know it us Bear Creek folks may fight amongst ourselves but we stands for no stranger to impose on any one of us Uncle Jeopard was about as old as the Humboldt mountains and he'd fit Indians for a living in his younger days he was still a tough old knot anybody that could do him a wrong and get away with it sure wasn't no ordinary man so it wasn't no wonder that word had been sent out for me to get on his trail and now I had no idea who to look for or why just because a tunk will of these weak skull I despised these here egg-headed weaklands well I rode in grizzly claw late in the afternoon and went first to the wagon yard and seen that Captain Kidd was put in a good stall and fed proper and warned the fella there to keep away from him if he didn't want his brains kicked out Captain Kidd has a disposition like a shark and he don't like strangers it weren't much of a wagon yard and there was only five other horses there besides me and Captain Kidd a pinto, bay and piebald and a couple of pack horses I then went back into the business part of the village which was one dusty street with stores and saloons on each side and I didn't pay much attention to the town because I was trying to figure out how I could go about trying to find out what I wanted to know and couldn't think of no questions to ask nobody about nothing well I was approaching a saloon called the Apache Queen and was looking at the ground at meditation when I seen a silver dollar laying in the dust close to a hitch and rack I immediately stooped down and picked it up not noticing how close it was to the hind legs of a mean-looking mule when I stooped over he hauled off and kicked me in the head then he let out an awful bray and commenced jumping around holding up his hind hoof and some men come running out of the saloon and one of them hollered he's trying to kill my mule call the law quite a crowd gathered and a fellow which owned the mule hollered like a catamount he was a mean-looking cuss with mournful whiskers and a cock eye he yelled like somebody was stabbing and I couldn't get in a word edgewise then a fellow with a long skinny neck and two guns come up and said I'm the sheriff, what's going on here who's this big fellow, what's he done the whiskered cuss hollered he kicked himself in the head with my mule and crippled the poor critter for life I demands my rights he's got to pay me $350 for my mule aww I said that mule ain't hurt none his legs just kinda numbed anyway I ain't got but five bucks and whoever gets them will take them off of my dead body I then hitched my six guns forwards and the crowd kinda fell away I demand that you rest him he tried to assassinate my mule you ain't got no star I told the fellow which said he was a law you ain't gonna arrest me does you desk resist arrest he said fidgeting with his belt who said anything about resist and arrest I retorted all I aim to do is see how far your neck'll stretch before it breaks don't you desk lay hands on an officer of the law he squawked back and away in a hurry I was tired of talking and thirsty so I merely give a snort and turned away through the crowd towards the saloon pushing him right and left out of my way I saw him gang up in the street talking low and mean but I give no heed there wasn't nobody in the saloon except the bar man a buncher which had draped his self over the bar I ordered whiskey and when I drunk a few fingers of the rottenest muck I believe I ever tasted I give it up in disgust and throw the dollar on the bar which I had found and was starting out when the barkeeper hollered hey! I turned around and said courteously don't you yell at me like that you bad-eared buzzard this year dollar ain't no good he said, banging it on the bar well, neither is your whiskey I snarled because I was getting mad so that makes us even I'm a long-suffering man but it looked like everybody in grizzly claw was out to jip the stranger in their midst you can't run no blazer over me, he hollered you give me a real dollar or else he ducked down behind the bar and come up with a shotgun so I've taken it away from him and bent the barrel double across my knee and throwed it after him as he run out the back door hollering, help, murder the count-puncher had picked up the dollar and bit on it and then he looked at me very sharp and said, where did you get this? I found that if it's any a year-durned business I snapped because I was mad no more, I strode out the door and the minute I hit the street somebody let BAM at me from behind the rain-barrel across the street and shot my head off so I slammed the bullet back through the barrel and the feller hollered and fell out in the open yelling blue murder it was the feller who called himself the sheriff and he was drilled through the hind leg I noticed a lot of head sticking up over windowsills and down doors so I roared let that be a warning to you grisly claw coyotes I am Breckenridge Elkins from Bear Creek up in the Humboldts and I shoot better in my sleep than most men does wide awake I then lent emphasis to my remarks by punctuating a few signboards and knocking out a few winder panes and everybody hollered and ducked so I shoved my guns back in their scabbards and went into a restaurant the citizens come out of their hiding places and carried off my victim and he made more noise over a broke leg than I thought was possible for a grown man there was some folks in the restaurant but they stampeded out the back door as I come in at the front all except the cook which tried to take refuge somewhere else and a few slats out of the counter to add point to my request it disgusts me to see a grown man trying to hide under a stove I am a very patient and good natured human but grisly claw was getting under my hide so the cook come out and fried me a mess of bacon and ham and eggs and potatoes and sourdough bread and beans and coffee and I ate three cans of clean peaches nobody come into the restaurant whilst I was eating but I thought I heard somebody sneaking around outside when I got through I asked the feller how much and he told me so I planked down the cash and he commenced to bite it this lack of faith in his feller humans enraged me so I drawed my buoy knife and said they is a limit to any man's patience I have been insulted once tonight and that's enough you just dast say that coins phony and I'll slice off your whiskers, plummet the roots I brandished my buoy under his nose and he hollered and stampeded back into the stove and up sod it and fell over it and the coals went down the back of his shirt so he rizz up and run for the creek yelling bloody murder and that's how the story started that I tried to burn a cook in my life, Indian style because he fried my bacon too crisp matter of fact I kept his shack from catching fire and burning down cause I stomped out the coals before they did morten burn a big hole through the floor and I throwed the stove out the back door it ain't my fault if the mayor of grizzly claw was sneaking up the back steps with a shotgun just at that moment anyway I hear he was able to crush his after a few months I emerged suddenly from the front door hearing a suspicious noise and I seen a feller crouching close to a side window peeking through a hole in the wall it was the cowboy I seen in the Apache Queen saloon he whirled when I come out but I had him covered are you spying on me I demanded cause if you are no no he said in a hurry I was just leaning up against that wall resting you grizzly claw folks is all crazy I said disgustedly and looked around to see if anybody else tried to shoot me but there weren't nobody in sight which was suspicious but I give no heed it was dark by that time so I went to the wagon yard and there wasn't nobody there I guess the man which run it because that seemed to be the main occupation of most of them grizzly claw devils the only place for folks to sleep was a kind of double log cabin that is it had two rooms but there weren't no door between them and in each room there wasn't nothing but a fireplace and a bunk and just one outer door I seen Captain Kidd was fixed for the night then I went into the cabin and brought in my saddle blanket because I didn't trust the folks thereabouts I took off my boots and hat and hung them on the wall and hung my guns and buoy on the end of the bunk and then spread my saddle blanket on the bunk and laid down glumly I don't know why they don't build them darned things for ordinary sized humans a man six and a half foot tall like me can't never find one comfortable for him I stayed there and was disgusted at the bunk and at myself too because I hadn't accomplished nothing I hadn't learnt who it was done something to Uncle Jeopard or what he'd done it looked like I'd have to go clean the Bear Creek to find out and that was a good four days ride well as I contemplated I heard a man come into the wagon-yard and pretty soon I heard him approach the cabin but I thought nothing of it then the door began to open and I rizz up with a gun in each hand and said who's there make yourself known before I blast you down whoever it was mumbled some excuse about being on the wrong side and the door closed but the voice sounded kind of familiar and the fella didn't go into the other room I heard his footsteps sneaking off and I rizzed and went to the door and looked over toward the row of stalls so pretty soon a man led the pinto out of his stall and swung aboard him and rode off it was pretty dark but if us folks on Bear Creek didn't have eyes like a hawk we'd never lived to get grown I'd seen it was the cowboy I'd seen in the Apache Queen and outside the restaurant once he got clear of the wagon-yard he slapped in the spurs and went racing through the village like they was a red war-party on his trail I could hear the beat of his horse's hooves fading south down the rocky trail after he was out of sight I knowed he must have followed me to the wagon-yard but I couldn't make no sense out of it so I went and laid down on the bunk again I was just about to go to sleep when I was woken by the sounds of somebody coming into the other room of the cabin and I heard somebody strike a match the bunk was built against the partition wall so they was only a few feet from me though with a log wall between us and there was two of them from the sounds of their talking I tell ya, one of Moussait I don't like his looks I don't believe he's what he pretends to be we better take no chances and clear out after all we can't stay here forever these people are beginning to get suspicious and if they find out for sure they'll be demanding a cut in the profits to protect us the stuff's all packed and ready to jump at a second's notice let's run for it tonight it's a wonder nobody ain't never stumbled onto that hideout before now aww said the other these grizzly claw-yaps don't do nothing but swill, liquor and gamble and think up swindles to work on such strangers as is unlucky enough to wander in here they never go into the hills southwest of the village where our cave is most of them don't even know there's a path past that big rock to the west well Bill said to other we've done pretty well counting that job up in the Bear Creek country at that I was wide awake and listening with both ears Bill laughed that was kind of funny weren't it Jim, he said you ain't never told me the particulars said Jim did you have any trouble well said Bill torn to say easy that old Jeopard Grimes was a hard old nut if all engine fighters was like him I'd feel plumb sorry for the engines if any of them Bear Creek devils ever catch you begun Jim Bill laughed again them hillbillies never strays more than ten miles from Bear Creek, he said I had the sculpt and was gone before they know what was up I've collected bounties for wolves and bars but that's the first time I ever got money for a human sculpt an icy chill run down my spine now I know what had happened to poor old Uncle Jeopard scalped after all the Indian scalps he lifted and then cold blooded murderers could sit there and talk about it like it was the ears of a coyote or a rabbit I told him he'd had the use of that sculpt long enough Bill was saying an old cuss like him I waited for no more everything was red around me I didn't stop for my boots, gun or nothing I was too crazy mad even to know such things existed I risen up from that bunk and put my head down and ran that partition wall like a bull going through a rail fence the dried mud poured out of the chinks and some of the logs give way and a howl went up from the other side what's that, hollered one the other yelled, look out, it's a bar I draw back and ram the wall again it caved inwards and I come headlong through it in a shower of dry mud and splinters and somebody shot at me and missed they was a lighted lantern sitting on a hand-hewned table and two men about six foot tall each that hollered and let bam at me with their six shooters but they was too dumbfounded to shoot straight I gathered them to my bosom and we went backwards over the table taking it and the lantern with us and you ought to have heard them critters howl when the burnin' isle splashed down their necks it was a dirt floor so nothing caught on fire and we was fighting in the dark and they was hollering to help murder! we are being sassinated release go of my ear then one of them got his boot heel wedged in my mouth and whilst I was twistin' it out with one hand the other tore out of his shirt which I was grippin' with the other hand and run out of the door I had hold of the other fellers foot and commenced trying to twist it off when he wrenched his leg out of the boot and took it on the run when I started to follow him I fell over the table in the dark and got all tangled up in it I broke off a leg for a club and rushed to the door and just as I got to it a whole mob of folks come surgin' into the wagonyard with torches and guns and dogs and a rope and they hollered there he is! the murderer the outlaw the counter-fitter the house-burner the mule-killer I seen the man that owned the mule and the restaurant-feller and the bar-keeper and a lot of others they come roaring and bellerin' up to the door hollering hang him! hang him! string the murderer up and they begun shootin' at me so I fell amongst them with my table-leg and laid right and left till it busted they was packed so close together I laid out three and four at a lick and they hollered something awful the torches was all knocked down and trampled out except for them which was held by fellers which danced around on the edge of the mill hollering well I hold on him don't be scared of the big hill, Billy shoot him! knock him in the head the dogs havin' more sense than the men they all run off except one big mongrel that looked like a wolf and he bit the mob often orn he did me there was a lot of wild shootin' and men hollering oh I'm shot I'm killed I'm dyin' and some of them bullets burnt my hide they come so close and the flashes singed my eyelashes and somebody broke a knife against my belt buckle then I seen the torches was all gone except one and my club was broke so I bust right through the mob swingin' right and left with my fists and stompin' on them that tried to drag me down I got clearer of everybody except the man with the torch who was so excited he was jumpin' up and down trying to shoot me without cockin' his gun that blame dog was snappin' at my heels so I swung him by the tail and hit the man over the head with him they went down in a heap and the torch went out and the dog clamped on the fellers ear and he let out a squall like a steam whistle they was millin' in the dark behind me and I run straight to Captain Kid's stall and jumped on him bareback with nothin' but a hackamore on him just as the mob located where I went we come stormin' out of the stall like a hurricane and knock some of them galley west and run over some more and headed for the gate somebody shut the gate but Captain Kid took it in his stride and we was gone into the darkness before they knowed what hit him Captain Kid decided then was a good time to run away like he usually does so he took to the hills and run through bushes and clumps of trees tryin' to scrape me off on the branches when I finally pulled him up he was maybe a mile south of the village with Captain Kid no bridle nor saddle nor blanket and me with no guns, knife, boots or hat and what was worse than devils which galloped Uncle Jeopard had got away from me and I didn't know where to look for him I sat meditatin' whether to go back and fight the whole town of grizzly claw for my boots and guns or what to do when all at once I remembered what Bill and Jim had said about a cave and a path runnin' to it I thought I'd bet them fellas will go back and get their horses and pull out just like they was planning and they had stuff in the cave that's the place to look for him I hoped they hadn't already got the stuff whatever it was and gone I'd know where that rock was cause I'd seen it when I come into town that afternoon a big rock that jutted up above the trees about a mile to the west of grizzly claw so I started out through the brush and before long I seen it loomin' up against the stars I made straight for it sure enough there was a narrow trail windin' around the base and leadin' off to the southwest I followed it and when I'd went nearly a mile I'd come to a steep mountainside all clustered with brush when I seen that I slipped off and led Captain Kidd up the trail and tied him back amongst the trees then I'd grope up to the cave which was pretty well masked with bushes I listened but everything was dark and still but all at once away down the trail I heard a burst of shots and what sounded like a lot of horses runnin' and everything was still again and I quick ducked into the cave and struck a match there was a narrow entrance that broadened out after a few feet and the cave run straight like a tunnel for maybe 30 steps about 15 foot wide and then it made a bend after that it widened out and got to be pretty big 50 feet wide at least and I couldn't tell how far back into the mountain and run to the left the wall was very broken and notched with ledges might nilock stair steps and when the match went out away up above me I seen some stars which meant there was a cleft in the wall or roof away up on the mountain somewheres before the match went out I seen a lot of junk over in a corner covered up in a tarpaulin and when I was fixing to strike another match I heard men coming up the trail outside so I quick clump up the broken wall and laid on a ledge about 10 feet up and listened from the sounds as they arrived at the cave mouth I noted it was two men on foot runnin' hard and pantin' loud they rushed into the cave and made the turn and I heard them fumbling around the night flared up and I seen a lantern bein' lit and hung up on a spur of rock in the light I seen them two murderers Bill and Jim and they looked plumb dilapidated Bill didn't have no shirt on and the other one was wearing just one boot and limp Bill didn't have no gun in his belt neither and both was mauled and bruised and scratched too like they'd been runnin' through briars Look here said Jim he was havin' his head which had a welt on it which was likely made by my fist I ain't certain in my mind as to just what all has happened somebody must have hit me with a club sometime tonight and things is happenin' too fast for my adult wits seems like we've been fightin' and runnin' all night listen was we settin' in the wagonyard shack talkin' peaceable Jim did a grizzly bar bust through the wall and nice slaughterous that's plumb correct said Bill only it warn't no bar it was some kind of human critter maybe a escape maniac we ought to stop for our horses I warn't thinkin' about no horses broken Jim when I found myself outside that shack my only thought was to cover ground and I'd done my best considering that I'd lost a boot and that critter had not unhinged my hind leg I'd lost you in the dark so I made for the cave knowin' you'd come there eventually and it seemed like I was forever gettin' through the woods crippled like I was I'd no more and hit the path when you come up it on the run well said Bill as I went over the wagonyard wall a lot of people come whoopin' through the gate and I thought they was after us but they must've been after the feller we fought cause as I run I seen him layin' into him right and left after I'd got over my panic I went back after our horses but I run right into a gang of men on horseback and one of them was that turned fella which passed off as a cowboy I didn't need no more I took out through the woods as hard as I could pelt and they hollered there he goes and come hot foot after me and was then the fellers I shot at back down the trail asked Jim yeah said Bill I thought I'd shookin' him off but just as I seen you on the path I heard horses coming behind us so I hollered to let him have it and you did well I didn't know who it was said Jim I tell you my heads buzzin' like a circle saw well said Bill we stopped them and scattered them I don't know if you hit anybody in the dark but they'll be mighty cautious about comin' up the trail let's clear out on foot said Jim with just one boot how else said Bill we'll have to hoof it till we can steal us some broncs we'll have to leave all this stuff here we daren't go back to grizzly claw after our horses I told you that darn cowboy would do to watch he ain't no cow-poke at all he's a plain detective what's that broken Jim horses hooves exclaimed Bill turning pale here blow out that lantern we'll climb the ledges and get out the cleft and take out over the mountain where they can't father with horses and then it was at that instant that I launched myself off of the ledge on top of them I landed with all my two hundred and ninety pounds square on Jim's shoulders and when he hit the ground under me he kind of spread out like a toad when you step on him Bill give a scream of astonishment and when I risen come for him he tore off a hunk of rock about the size of a man's head and lambed me over the ear with it this irritated me so I'd taken him by the neck and also taken away a knife which he was trying to hamstring me with and begun sweeping the floor with his carcass presently I paused being on him I strangled him until his tongue lulled out betwixt times hammering his head against the rocky floor you murderer and devil I gritted between my teeth before I've varnished this here rock with your brains tell me why you've taken my Uncle Jeopard scalp let up he gurgled being purple in the face where he weren't bloody it was a new he was giggling through the country and collecting souvenirs and he heard about that scalp and wanted it he hurt me to go get it for him I was so shocked at that cold bloodedness that I forgot what I was doing and choked him night of death before I remembered to ease up on him who was he I demanded who is the skunk which hires old men murdered and collect their scalps my god these eastern dudes is worse than a patchies hurry up and tell me so I can finish killing you but he was unconscious I'd squoze him too hard I risen up and looked around for some water or whiskey or something to bring him to so he could tell who hired him to scalp Uncle Jeopard before I twisted his head off which was my earnest intention and said, hands up I whirled and there at the crook of the cave stood that cowboy which had spied on me in grizzly claw with ten other men they all had their winchesters pointed at me and the cowboy had a star on his bosom don't move he said I'm a federal detective and I arrest you for manufacturing counterfeit money what do you mean I snarled backing up to the wall he said, kicking the tarpaulin off the junk in the corner look here men, all the stamps and dies he used to make phony coins and bills all packed up, ready to light out I've been hanging around grizzly claw for days knowing that whoever was passing this stuff made his, or there headquarters here somewhere today I spotted that dollar you give the barkeep and I went pronto from a men camp back in the hills a few miles I thought you was settled in the wagon yard for the night but it seems you give us the slip, put the cuffs on him men no you don't I snarled bounding back, not till I finish these devils on the floor I don't know what you're talking about but here's a couple of corpses hollered one of the men he killed a couple of fellers one of them stooped over bill but he had recovered his senses up on his elbows and give a howl save me he bellard I confesses I'm of a counter-fitter and so is Jim there on the floor we surrenders and you gotta protect us you're the counterfeiters said the detective taken aback as it were for I was following this giant I seen him pass fake money myself we got to the wagon yard a while after he'd run off but we seen him duck in the woods not far from there and we've been chasing him he opened fire on us down the trail while ago that was us said bill it was me you was chasing he must have found that money if he had fake stuff I tell you we're the men you're after and you gotta protect us I demands to be put in the strongest jail in this state which even this here devil can't bust into and he ain't no counter-fitter said the detective he ain't nothing but a man-eater said bill arrest us and take us out of his reach no I roared clean beside myself they belongs to me they scalp my uncle give him knives or gun or something and let us fight this out can't do that said the detective they're federal prisoners if you got any charge against them they'll have to be indicted in the proper form his men hauled him up and handcuffed him and started to lead him out blast your souls I raved do you mean to protect a couple of dirty scalpers I'll I started for them and they all pined their winchesters at me keep back said the detective I'm grateful for you leading us to this den and laying out these criminals for us but I don't hanker after no battle in a cave with a human grizzly like you well what could a fellow do if I'd had my guns or even my knife I'd have taken a chance with a whole eleven officers or not I was that crazy mad but even I can't fight eleven forty five nineties with my bare hands I stood speechless with rage whilst they filed out and then I went for captain kid in kind of days I felt wasn't a horse thief them fellas would be put in the pen safe out of my reach and uncle jefford scalp was on a vinged it was awful I felt like ballin time I got my horse back onto the trail the posse with their prisoners was out of sight and hearing I seen the only thing to do was go back to grizzly claw and get my outfit and then follow the posse and try to take their prisoners away from them some way well the wagon yard was dark and still the wounded had been carried away to have their injuries bandaged and from the groaning that was still coming from the shacks and cabins along the streets the casualties had been plentious the citizens of grizzly claw must have been shook up something terrible because they hadn't even stole my guns and saddle everything was in the cabin just like I'd left them I put on my boots hat and belt saddled and bridled cat and kid and sought out on the road I knowed the posse had taken but they had a long start on me and when daylight come I hadn't overtook them but I did meet somebody else it was tunk willoughby riding up the trail and when he seen me he grinned all over his battered features hey Breck he said after you left I sought on that log and thunk and thunk and I finally remembered what Jack Gordon told me and I started out to find you again and tell you it was this he said to keep a close look out for a feller from grizzly claw named Bill Jackson which had jipped your uncle for a deal what I said yeah said thunk he bought something from Jeopard and paid him in counterfeit money Jeopard didn't know it was phoning till after the feller had plum got away said thunk and being as he was too busy drawing some bar meat to go after him he sent word for you to get him but the scalp I said wildly oh said thunk that was what Jeopard sold the feller it was the scalp Jeopard took off an old yellow eagle the Comanche war chief forty years ago and been keeping for a souvenir seems like an eastern dude heard about it and wanted to buy it but this Jackson must have kept the money he give him to get it with cash so you see everything's all right even if I did forget a little and no harm did and that's why thunk Willoughby is going around saying I am a homicidal maniac and running five miles down a mountain and tried to kill him which is an exaggeration of course I wouldn't have killed him if I could have caught him I would have merely raised a few knots on his head his hind legs and a bow knot around his fool neck and done a few other little things that might have improved his memory End of The Scalp Hunter