 J-E-L-L-O! The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston and Phil Harris in his orchestra. The orchestra opens the program with Latin Quarter from Gold Diggers in Paris. The name on the outside of a book doesn't tell you very much about the contents, but the name on the outside of a package of Jell-O tells you a whole lot. It tells you that you're getting one of the most delicious desserts you ever tasted. There's only one Jell-O, and that name is your guarantee that you're getting the real thing. For the name Jell-O is a trademark, the property of general foods. If you hear any other gelatin dessert called Jell-O, you'll know that is incorrect. So whenever you order Jell-O, always order it by name, whether it's from your grocer or in a restaurant. And this is National Restaurant Week, the week of May 2nd to May 8th. So when you're dining out, order Jell-O for dessert. And remember, to enjoy Jell-O's delicious extra-rich fruit flavor, Jell-O's tempting real fruit goodness, be sure to insist by name on the one and only genuine Jell-O. The Latin Quarter played by the orchestra. Now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you a man who hasn't made a picture in over a year and still thinks he's a movie star, Jack Benny. Hello again, this is Jack Benny talking. And Don, I don't know what brought the subject up, but it might interest you to know that you don't have to make a picture every five minutes to be considered a movie star. Well, Jack, I didn't mean that. You know, after all, Adolf Zucker, the head of Paramount, gave me a four-year contract. And Mr. Zucker certainly knows his onions. He certainly signs them up, too. Marry them. You don't come into the next page. Oh. As I was saying, Don, I have a four-year contract with Paramount, and next season I get a raise. Oh, you get a raise, huh? Yeah. You see, my contract calls for so much money per week and lunch in the studio restaurant every day while I'm making a picture. Oh, well, where does the raise come in? Well, next season, instead of getting the 45-cent lunch, I get the 60-cent lunch. May not sound like much, but believe me, it adds up. But what I can't understand, Jack, is this. As long as you're under contract there, why don't they use you? Now, take George Raff, for instance. He's always busy. George Raff? Yes. Well, they're scared of him. You know, he's a pretty tough kid. Cosby and Fred McMurray, they're always making pictures of Paramount. Sure they are. Sure they are. And you want to know why? Why? They bring apples to Mr. Zucker. Teacher's pets, that's what they are. Well, if that's the case, Jack, why don't you bring him an apple? I did, and the worm got a screen tag. You know what kills me? This program has only been on five seconds, and already I'm in a corner. Say, Jack. Yes, Phil. What happened to that picture you're going to do with Francisca Gaul? You certainly talked about it enough. Oh, that epic. It was called off. You see, the studio and I couldn't get together on this scenario, and how it should be cast. Oh, you couldn't, eh? No. You see, I wanted to be Francisca's lover, and Paramount wanted me to be her father. And you should have seen that so-called happy ending they had. Here we go through a whole love story, and at the end, Ray Milan gets Francisca, and I get an old age pension. An old age pension? Yes, a fine thing to take to Niagara Falls. Well, one of these days, they'll wake up and give me the proper story in a strong leading part, and then you know what'll happen? Sure, you'll get the 75 cent lunch. You said it. It'll work out by itself. Page two. Hello, Jack. Oh, hello, Mary. What are you talking about? Oh, Don and Phil seem to think that just because I don't make pictures every two seconds, I'm not a movie star. Well, gee, Harold Lloyd only makes one picture a year, and he's a big star. Well, I certainly am. We're very much alike. Yeah, he wears glasses, and you have rings around your eyes. It's not rings. It's nightclub mascara. Now, let me tell you something, fella. Sometimes you can make too many pictures, and people get tired of you. Now, you take Clark Gable. See, he's in more pictures than Leo the lion. You know, Jack, I'm pretty tired of Clark Gable myself. There you are, fellas. Even Mary is tired of him. I'll say I had to stand in line three hours to see him last night. Oh. Gee, he's a dream man. Well, so you stood in line three hours to see Gable. Yeah, and you know what burns me up, Jack? What? Carol Lombard gets the dates, and I get the bunions. Well, that's beside the point. Anyway, to show you that I'm doing all right, Sid Grauman asked me to put my footprints in the forecourt of the Chinese theater, and you know that's some honor. Well, did you do it? Yes, sir. Tell him what happened, Jack. That has nothing to do with the tribute. What was it, Mary? Now, listen. Well, Jack went over there, and he didn't want to get his shoes dirty. Now, look, Mary, I didn't... So he stepped into the wet cement in his bare feet. Well... And he said they're taking bow so long that the cement hardened. Whatever. I got out, didn't I? Yeah, but tell him where your big toe is. Well, let's drop all this talk about footprints, and I don't want to hear any more about my cinema career. So please change the subject. Okay, Jack. How about your new house? How's it coming along out there in Beverly Hills? Sick and tired of all this talk about movies. What'd you say, Don? I said, how's your new house coming along in Beverly Hills? Fine, and if you want to know something, I'm starting a new picture for Paramount next week. Call artists and models abroad, and it's going to be swell. Well, that's changing the subject. Well, I can't help it. I'm too enthused. Say, where's Kenny? Here I am, Jack. Oh, where were you, Kenny? Well, I was just sitting over here in the corner with a book. A book? What is it? It's Einstein's new lowdown on the theory of higher mathematics. Well, say... Were you reading that? No, I was just pressing a flower in it. Now I feel better. I was worried there for a minute. But you know, Kenny, it wouldn't hurt you to read a book like that once in a while. It would improve your mind. Oh, I like Einstein, all right. Of course, a lot of his stuff is debatable. Oh, quite, quite. Yeah, but at that, he's a pretty level-headed guy. I'll say he is. Yes, sir. He seems to have both feet on the ceiling. Oh, definitely, you know. And furthermore... Now look, Kenny, Kenny, look. Before somebody asks us both who Einstein is, how about doing your song and we'll carry on with the program? Okay. Here, Phil, hold my book. Don't read it now. Don't worry, it's a strain for me to read the funny papers. Yeah. And don't you... And don't you bother reading it either, Kenny. You'd never understand Einstein. He'd have trouble with me, too. I know that. Sing genius. Hey, whatever happened to my picture? I don't... I've walked right in and through the shadows of... Love walked in from the Golden Follies sung by Kenny Baker. And, Kenny, I've always complimented you on your song, but I want to tell you something. That performance you gave as dopey in our Snow White last Sunday proves that you're an actor, too. Oh, really? You... And you were swell. Yeah. Jimmy Finner gave me four bells and a popsicle. Well, you deserved it. You were great. You know, Jack, I don't want to be hammy, but I thought I did a pretty good job as Prince Charming. You weren't Prince Charming, Phil. You were one of the dwarfs. You were sleepy. Well, I can dream, can I? Well, that's what you've been doing ever since I hired you. How anybody can sleep in front of such an unlullaby-ish band. I don't know, huh? Gee, Jack, I took the part of Snow White and you didn't even mention me. Well, I was just going to, Mary. You were really great. You surprised me when you sang. Gee, why, you... you were a regular Lily Pond. Yeah. Yeah. Say, Jack, can't you just see this in lights in front of the Metropolitan Opera House? Mary Livingston in Rigoletto. Yes, Mary Livingston in Rigoletto. Also the Ritz Brothers. Mary, the Ritz Brothers will never play in Rigoletto. You don't know Xanax. You won't be in it either, huh? I don't care. I met Walt Disney on the street yesterday and he liked me so much as Snow White that he wants me to make a silly symphony. And I'm going to do it, too. A silly symphony? Why, that's marvelous, Mary. I'll bet you'll be as cute as a bug. I better be. That's my part. Say, you know, fellas, it wouldn't be bad making one of those crazy cartoons. Believe me, can you imagine the fun? Yeah, I'd like to be Pluto the pup. I'd like to be Donald Duck. Not me. I'd like to be Mickey Mouse. I'd like to be Walt Disney. Why, Kenny, you're getting pretty smart. Yeah, I better go and sit down. Now, stick around, Kenny. You can take a cold shower when you get home, you know? Well, Jack, speaking of last week's program, you all seem to have forgotten me. You know, I played the part of happy. Don, you really went to town on that, but then you're always so jovial and gay. You don't have to act much. No kidding, Don. What makes you so happy? Well, Jack, why shouldn't I be? I like my work. I like to be with this gang. And I'm just goofy about Jello. Well, I can understand that, Don. After all, Jack, who wouldn't be happy when they know that Jello has six delicious flavors that it's so economical and easy to make? Why, it's enough to make a man double over with joy. Oh, I could jump up and down. And I tell you, Jack, whenever you see those big red letters on the box, why, I could go right out and do a highland fling. Well, do it, Don! Do it! Be careful, Don. You'll rip your killies. Ah, folks, what other program brings you such low highlights? We're graceful tonight, but that's about all of it. Say, Jack, let's get down to business. What are we gonna do for tonight? Well, Phil, I really wanted to do another play, but I must get over to my house. You know, the one that's going up in Beverly Hills. Oh, yes. I asked you about that before. How's it coming along, Jack? Well, it's worrying me. You see, Mr. Burgess, my builder, has gone haywire again, and I must get to the house. But why do you have to leave right now? Well, he's already built eight stories, and I want to get over there and stop him. And such extravagance, they've used over six kegs of nails already. Say, Jack, how many nails are there in a keg? 18,967. I thought you'd know. Someone's got to keep track of those things. I'm going over there now. Do you want to come along, Mary? Yeah, I'll go with you. Can I come too, Jack? Sure, Kenny. I'm not having enough trouble with Burgess. Say, Don, you and Phil take care of the rest of the show, will you? Okay, Jack. Well, goodbye. Oh, wait a minute, Jack. I won't be seeing you until next week. I'm flying down to Louisville for the Kentucky Derby. Also, you're flying down to Louisville. Gonna take a plane or use your ears? Well, never mind. But, say, Phil, as long as you're going down there, will you do me a favor? Well, I'll put $2 on stagehand for me. I'll give you the money when you get back. Oh, no. Why not? Well, you still owe me $2 on the Dempsey Tony fight. Well, they're still arguing about it. Anyway, I thought I gave you that $2. No, I didn't. I didn't. Oh, that's terrible. I must tie a string around my finger. Make it a rope and around your neck. Phil, you're the one that should commit suicide. I didn't lose anything. Well, see you next week, Phil. Come on, Jack. Let's get started. We're going over to your house. Okay, come on, Kenny. So long, boys. See you later. Come on, Jack. Well, see you next week, Phil. Come on, Jack. Let's get started. We're going over to your house. Okay, come on, Kenny. So long, boys. See you later. Come on, Jack. We'll be ten played by Phil Harrison, his orchestra. Now, ladies and gentlemen, we take you to Jack Benny's property in Beverly Hills where his home is under construction. Well, fellas, here we are. There's my house. What do you think of it? Oh, boy, I think it's swell. Of course, it's not finished yet. All those things take time. How do you like it, Mary? It's all right, but what's the idea of all those statues on the roof? Those aren't statues. Hey, you guys, get a move on up there. Get busy. Oh, go boil an onion. Hmm. I wonder where Mr. Burgess is. He's much too lax with the workmen. Hey, fella, do you know where I can find Mr. Burgess? He's around here somewhere, but you're out of luck, buddy. We don't need any more help. Now, hold on there. I'm Jack Benny. I don't care who you are. We got all the men we need. Never mind that. Where's Mr. Burgess? What do you want a job for, Jack? You're doing all right. Kenny, I don't want a job. I'm looking for my builder. Say, Jack, isn't that him over there? Where? How many charges is on horseback? Oh, yes. Whoa! Whoa! La Cienega! La Cienega? This is where I get off. Quiet. Well, Mr. Burgess, this isn't a ranch, you know. What's the idea riding around on a horse? I got a cowboy suit for Christmas. Oh. Well, I just thought I'd drop around and kind of look the place over. Well, I'm glad you did. We're coming along fine, just dandy. That's good. Oh, by the way, I want you to meet Miss Livingston. How do you do, Miss Livingston? The pleasure's all mine. No, half of it's mine. You're cute. Mary. And this is Kenny Baker. He works on my program. Oh, wow. How do you do, young man? Hello, Mr. Burgess. So you're the man Jack's always complaining about. Kenny. Well, Mr. Burgess, let's have a look around. I'd like to see the grounds first. All right. We'll go around here to the backyard. You'll be mighty proud of it. I hope so. We're coming around to the backyard, man! Well, that was a spurt. Things are sure going fast back here. Oh, there's the tennis court. Yes, sir. We just finished that tennis court this morning. Isn't it a beauty? It sure is. Hey, wait a minute. There's nothing on the other side of the net. There's only half a court there. Oh, were you going to play with someone? Well, I certainly, of course, I'm going to play with someone. Well, in that case, we'll put the other half in right away. Yes, it'll help a lot. Can you imagine that, Mary? How can I play on half a tennis court? You never hit the ball over the net anyway. I do, too. I'm a regular Donald Fudge. Say, Jack, didn't you say you had a swimming pool over here? Oh, sure, it's right. Hey, Mr. Burgess, where's the swimming pool? The what? The swimming pool. Where is it? Well, now that's funny. It was here yesterday. I'll check on that. Hey, Doeville! Yes? Have you seen Mr. Benny's swimming pool? I haven't even seen his last picture. Well, my pool wasn't in it. Isn't that awful, Mary? How can a swimming pool disappear? Don't worry. It'll come home wagging its diving board behind us. Come on, let's go inside the house. Yeah, maybe that's missing, too. Don't be a bit surprised. Come on, Mr. Burgess. I want to see the inside of the house. Okay, this'll give you a real thrill. All right, men. We're coming into the house. My, what activity? I hope President Roosevelt is listening in. Well, here we are. We better go through this window. The door sticks a little bit. You better get that fixed right away. There's a window stick, too. Fine house. The window stick, the door stick. And you're stuck. How are we going to get in? Come on, Mr. Benny. I guess we can get through the door, all right? Just help me push it a little. Okay. Fine, how do you do? I always have trouble with that darn door. That is certainly very funny. Oh, Jack, look at that darling little breath of smoke. Isn't it cute? I'm sorry, Miss Livingston. That's the front hall. Front hall? Well, that shouldn't be out here in the back, should it? No, it shouldn't. I ought to get a zero for that. Yes, you're a bad boy. Now look, Mr. Burgess, I want to see all the rooms downstairs first, and then we can go upstairs later. Yes, right this way, Mr. Benny. Programs, programs. You can't tell the bathroom in the kitchen without a program. Program. Hey, what's going on here, anyway? This house ought to be put in a straight jacket. You're right. And, oh, Jack, look at that sign over the fireplace. Where? Right there. It says Big Weenie Rose tonight. I wish they'd stop making a picnic ground out of this place. Hey, Kenny! Kenny, come over here with us. Why are you standing there looking at that dumb waiter? It fascinates me. Well, don't get lost. Now, what else is there on this floor, Mr. Burgess? Just follow me. Now, right here, right here is the attic. The attic? Why, this is the first floor. Oh, that's right. Then shall we call it the sun parlor? Yes, let's. But if that's a sun parlor, there ought to be at least one window in it. If I put in one window, I might as well put in ten. Well, of course, that's the whole idea of a sun parlor, to get sunlight window. Oh, you're exasperating. Well, we'll settle that later. Now, let's go upstairs. I want to see the bedroom. All right. Okay, man, we're coming upstairs. Hey, this is a regular beehive, isn't it? Oh, they're practically slaves. Now, follow me upstairs. Come on, kiddies. Last one up is a baked potato. Come on, let's go. Annie, you lost. You're a baked potato. Okay, put some butter on me. Now, Mr. Burgess, where's my bedroom? I want to see that first. Do you want the master bedroom, the guest bedroom, or just any old bedroom? I want to see my bedroom, the one I'm going to sleep in. Oh, well, that's the master bedroom. Here it is right here. Say, it looks kind of... Why Rochester? Hello, Mr. Benny. Well, what are you doing here? I moved in already. Well, the house isn't ready yet, and besides, your room is over the garage. I looked at that one, but it don't seem to fit my personality. Well, you'll just have to alter your personality. This happens to be my room. Well, I saw it first. That's not the point. You want to know something? I was here ahead of you three days ago. You didn't stick out no claim. Now, Rochester, I'm not going to argue with you. Oh, Jack, let him have the room. I'll do nothing of the kind. Now, you get out of here, Rochester, and get to your quarters in the garage. I don't want to sleep with your Maxwell. It snores. Only when it's on its back. Now, you can nudge it. Now, get out. Okay, you win. Come on, Jezebel. Now, he had to bring a dog in here yet. You think that's something Kenny scratching. Now, look, Mr. Burgess, where does that door lead to, the one at the far end of the bedroom? Oh, that's a private balcony. It'll be nice when I get the ivy and everything on it. Oh, that's swell. I've always wanted a balcony. You'll have to pardon me now, Mr. Benny. I'll see you later. Why, where are you going? It's quitting time, and I want to go downstairs and wake up the men. Oh, by all means, yes. Don't have them sleep overtime. That's double. Well, I'll see you next week, Mr. Benny. Yes, sir. Goodbye, Mr. Burgess. Goodbye. That's the silliest laugh I've ever heard. He slid down the banister, too. He did. He's a smart fellow, you know that, Jack? Yeah, Kenny, smarter than I am. Well, we go now, Jack. Well, I want to go out in that balcony, because I know I'll spend a lot of time there taking sun baths and everything. Oh, let's see the rest of the house. Oh, we can do that later. I want to see the balcony. It'll just take a minute. Darn it, this door sticks, too. I got it. My, look at that. Here's a wonderful new way to make one of your family's favorite desserts. Of course, that favorite is jello, and the new way to serve it is a dessert called cherry gaiety, a cheerful symphony in bright red and green for its made with shimmering lime jello and maraschino cherries. And it's so easy to prepare. Dissolve one package of lime jello in hot water and turn into a shallow pan. Chill until firm. Then cut these little jello shiny green cubes. Arrange in sherbet glasses with half a cup of maraschino cherries and serve it plain or topped with whipped cream. It's a swell color combination and a swell taste combination for a lime jello has a refreshing tart flavor that's tempting and delicious. Jello brings you extra rich fruit flavor, grand satisfying goodness that belongs to jello. Get some tomorrow and try this attractive new cherry gaiety dessert. Just remember there's only one jello. So when you buy, look for the big red letters on the box. They spell jello. This is the last number of the 31st program in the new jello series and we'll be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. I want to take just a moment to thank Ed Vandevere for driving my Maxwell in the annual Fresno State College Hack Race last Friday. But Jack, but Alan's car beat yours. Yes, Mary, Alan won by a nose, which he talks through. Ha ha ha! Chalk up another one for me. How do you make a zero? Good night, folks. Kenny Baker appears on the jello program through courtesy of Marvel and the Roy Productions. This is an actual broadcasting company.