 From DailyDoseOfWeirdNews.com, I'm Darren Marlar, and this is your Daily Dose of Weird News. This episode is brought to you by The Audiobook Inside the Mirrors by Jason R. Davis. Here are a free sample and support Marlar House by downloading the audiobook for yourself at DailyDoseOfWeirdNews.com. Philosopher Professor Eric Schwitzgebel of the University of California Riverside has dug into the nature of jerks, or what he calls jerkitude, with a new essay that basically explains why jerks are the way they are. Genuine jerks, he explains, typically have a tough time realizing that they're jerks. If they try to assess themselves, they can rationalize all their jerky behavior as warranted against the idiots of the world. Therefore, the most reliable way to tell if you are a jerk is to look around. If you find yourself surrounded by fools, by boring nonities, by faceless masses and foes and suckers, you're probably the jerk. Or in my case, I'm completely normal, it's just that everybody around me is a complete moron. A recent study found that 73% of people sleep with their smartphone. I'm not exactly sure what that means, but it sounds very inappropriate. Golfball diver Scott Leodick, who is recovering after being attacked by an alligator in a water hazard at a Florida course, says he survived by punching the gator in and around the eye. You see, watching the Three Stooges was actually good for something. How do you hear that, mom? A scathing obituary has shown up in the Cherokee Scout newspaper in North Carolina. The death notice for Cornelia June Rogers Miller was most unflattering in its depiction of the great-grandmother who, quote, died alone after a long battle with drug addiction and depression, unquote. The obit read, "'Drugs were a major love in her life as June had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a kind word or deed in her life. We speak for the majority of her family when we say her presence will not be missed by many. Very few tears will be shed and there will be no lamenting over her passing.'" Yikes. There's a lesson to be learned here, folks. Feel free to be mean to the entire world, but you'd better make an exception for the lady who writes the obituaries. Women can no longer wear sleeveless dresses at the House of Representatives. Female reporters and congressional staffers are also being forced to stop wearing open-toed shoes in order to enter the speaker's lobby outside the House chambers. No bare shoulders. No visible toes. Are they worried that members of Congress won't be able to control themselves and attempt to start nibbling? A survey says millennials plan to keep new cars for five years or less. Although the way they drive, I don't think they have much say in the matter. A study says the average baby boomer has less than half the money saved that they will need to retire. The good news is each will receive a participation trophy for trying. A Delta flight attendant hit an unruly passenger over the head with a wine bottle. Or as they call that on United, first class. The March of Dimes is selling their headquarters in New York for $13 million. Huh, I wonder if they'll donate it to charity. A 19-year-old California teen hit the lottery twice in a week for a take of over $655,000. As you might suspect, this has radically changed her plans for college. She's now thinking about upgrading to the mid-sized dormitory refrigerator. Billionaire inventor Elon Musk says the secret of solving LA's traffic woes is creating a series of underground tunnels. But wouldn't that destroy the natural environment of the endangered mole people? Americans will spend $100 billion on summer vacations this year and that figures out to $1 for every year. A pet goldfish is no longer confined to four glass walls thanks to a robot designed by a team of students for the Build 18 Robotics Tournament held at Carnegie Mellon University. The robot moves according to the position of the fish relative to the middle, according to student Alex Kent. The concept of an animal-controlled robot is also reminding a lot of people of snuffles or snowball from Rick and Morty. But this bewildered fish doesn't seem to be lusting after world domination, at least not yet. This is terrifying, though. We are one step closer to Saturday Night Live's Land Shark becoming a reality. Police in China arrested a man who robbed a bank disguised as a tree. The man entered the bank with branches and leaves taped to his body. After patiently waiting in line with fellow customers, the man made his move, ordering the bank cashier to fill a bag full of cash. Unfortunately for the suspect, he wasn't able to leave quickly enough and was captured by police. And a fiscopalian priest driving on a Florida highway was arrested for pointing a gun at another driver. At the jailhouse, he tried to pass a collection plate to pay for his bail. Two bears chased after a runner who was training in Maine. Fortunately, he got away, but the bears won't get away. Authorities are tracking them down using the video of themselves the bears posted on their Facebook page. Two Oklahoma men were arrested after fighting over which is the better movie franchise, Star Wars or Star Trek. Which is stupid, because we all know Stargate SG-1 is better than both of them combined. Please support my channel by sharing the Daily Dose of Weird News on Facebook, Twitter, Reddit and other social networks. If you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up and be sure to subscribe if you want to see more. And click that little bell icon next to the subscribe button to be notified when I post new videos. Find even more weird news that I didn't have time for at DailyDoseOfWeirdNews.com. I'm Darren Marlar and I'll see you next time, Weirdos!