 I'm Dan Groberg, I'm the director of Montpelier Alive. We're the organization that celebrates downtown Montpelier, so thank you for being here on such an incredible day of weather we got. Today is Arts Fest, a really exciting day where we're celebrating arts and creativity in Montpelier and in central Vermont there's all sorts of stuff going on tonight. If you don't know about it, there's information on that table right over there and I'm happy to answer any questions. There's events between now and 9 p.m. about a dozen things going on and an art walk with art at 33 different venues around town, so. I just want to quickly thank our sponsors, National Life Group, Vermont Agency of Commerce and Community Development, Hunger Mountain Co-op, the Vermont Arts Council, Magic Cat and Pinbox 3000. So I won't take any more of your time. I'm very happy to introduce Modern Times Theater for a lovely little show and I hope you enjoy it. Thank you. It's just like being in Europe, you know, with the plaza and everything. So the best view of the stage is right here in the center. So I'm going to invite all of you people over here to scooch this way. Just scooch. If you're already in the shade, you're kind of grandfathered in, but if you're in the sun, you might as well be in this sun right here. Yeah, it's the perfect sunny spot. Yeah, there we go. All right. I think that's good. All right, so we are Modern Times Theater and we have traveled all the way down here from East Hardwick, Vermont, where we live. Very long journey. And we travel all over the place performing these shows for all kinds of audiences like you on street corners, at libraries, at schools, fairs and festivals. And when we travel to a new place, we like to learn a little something about the place where we're performing. And we usually do that through song. We like to learn a new song wherever we go. So this is a song that we learned on our travels and we will present it to you with translation in case you don't understand the words. Are you ready? Yeah. In the meadow. Into my arms. And I will... They don't allow... Cornet. Yes, and I play with this thing in the end so I can go like this. Which is incidentally the sound that you hear if you sit on a cake. You just hear that. I can also take this part out. Or I can take the whole thing out. I keep it in there so the horse can't get out. Yeah, all right. And we have one more instrument for you right here. Does anybody know what this one is? It's a tubing that hangs in the woods to gather up the maple sap. So that is an up... So now we are ready to do the show. Has anyone seen a puppet show before? Before we begin. Anybody here? Anybody here seen a Punch and Judy puppet show before? Yeah. You seen something in this stage before? So then you know who's in the show? Who's in the show? You've seen a lot of the shows. All right, all right. Well, let's start with Punch and Judy because they're always in the show no matter what. Mr. Punch is in his dressing room right downstairs. I'm just going to make sure he's ready. Mr. Punch, are you ready? Ready. Must he over here? Punch, were you up here? I said I'm ready. Okay, all right. So then it must be Judy is down here in her dressing room. Judy, are you ready? Ready. No, she was upstairs now. Okay, so the Judy... So then the baby is right down here. Baby, are you ready? The baby's over here. Okay, well there is a shark in today's show. So I think it must be that the shark... No, no, there's a lion. Is there a lion in the show? Maybe. Maybe? Okay, I think it's a lion. The lion I think is right behind here in his dressing room. Lion. Oh, it is a lion. All right, I'm just going to make sure that it's locked and that he can't get out. I'm just going to leave it alone. Sure, it's going to be fine. All right, so the lion is ready. Punch and Judy are ready. The baby. What about the baby? The baby is sleeping. Is the baby sleeping? You hear the baby sleeping? Yeah. All right, the baby is sleeping. So now we can start the show. Before we begin, I do need a little help to raise the curtain because I will be playing the ukulele. So I need someone to come up here and crank this crank on the side of the stage and that will raise the curtain up. Someone very strong and very brave. Raising a hand straight up in the air and tickling their own armpit at the same time. Yeah. And also talking on the foot phone. You have to be able to do all these things at the same time. Demonstrating skill and grace. Yes, you're trying very hard. Why don't you come on up here? Yeah. All right. What's your name, your name? What is it? Colin. All right. Colin's going to do it. We're going to count backwards from five and when we get to zero, we're going to say Mr. Punch and that's going to start the show. Are you ready to begin? Here we go. Five. Start cranking. Other way. Four. I'm Mr. Punch. He's Mr. Punch. I'm Mr. Punch. He's Mr. Punch. And I've got a punch. You've got a punch. If there's a bunch. If there's a bunch. If there's a bunch. There is a bunch. Of people. Got chicken. Like a chicken. Things are very runny. That's what makes me so funny. So let me call you Honey Bunny and give you all of my money. I'm Mr. Pro until the end of the show. What the fuck was he? No, it's the beginning. Come out of the end. First part of the show. I'm very sorry about that. I kind of got messed up there, Mr. Punch. Let's try that again. Mr. Punch, ladies and gentlemen. Sorry about that. It's okay. I'm sorry too. You're not sorry. I'm sorry. You're not sorry. I'm sorry. You're not. You're not. You're very distracting with the chicken interrupting the whole time. Tell me about it. Keep him that state. Yeah, that's what I do. I keep it in back. Oof! Oof! Country. Hey, look at that hen over there. Where autotune? He's out. Is he out? He's going to be out for about two hours at 350. So now we can start the show. Mr. Punch. Are you ready to start the show? Yeah, I like that there was a woo for cooking the chicken. You've been excited about a cooked chicken? Yeah. Are you ready to start the show, Mr. Punch? absolutely not ready to start the show you're not ready no I'm not ready well what do you need to do why didn't warm up yet oh all right well why don't you do a quick warm up and then we can start the show okay I'm just gonna do gonna do some neck stretching okay I'm very tight and stiff yeah because I spent the night in a coffee can yeah okay so I just stretched my neck and nose to the toes let's see and there there all right but you're kind of sideways now mr. punch I'm sideways I am standing up straight I'm not taking a nap I'm doing yoga yoga is that you know the one at the end of the class where you lie down and fall asleep all right but we don't have time for yoga right now so why don't you get up all right okay all right he's ready to do the show I'm ready now but there's somebody else we need in order to do a punch and Judy show I'm sure that's true but I don't know who you're talking about I'm talking about your better half this no that's right yeah right right so maybe if we all call Judy together she'll come out here and be in the show all right let's do that okay I'll count one two three and then everybody in a sweet boy says oh Judy okay ready here we go one two three let's try it again all right one two three Judy what happened you were late I'm late yeah that's not what I meant all right before they kick alright that warms up their bodies but not their spirits okay so here's how it works whenever I say you've got yours and I've got mine you say let's try it you've got hey pretty good now let's try it with some enthusiasm you've got yours and I've got mine yeah now remember that remember that we'll use it later in the show all right so are they all warmed up no no we gotta do one more thing we got to stretch out their tongues and faces a little bit yeah cuz somebody sprained the muscle in their cheek in the last show and we got sued now we're required by our insurance we got to warm up your face so everybody open your mouth real wide now stick your tongue out as far as it'll go now touch your tongue to your chin now touch your tongue to your nose look your cheek lick your other cheek lick your eye lick your other eye lick your ear lick your other ear like your friends here well it's a really good stretch okay all right it's not advisable all right so now they're all warmed up okay they're warmed up punching Judy you're all warmed up so now we can start the show oh I'm out of here what do you mean you're out of here I don't have time for puppet shows oh punch it's all up to you you're gonna have to do the show all by yourself that's all right that's how I wanted to do it in the first place and you called Judy out here so she can make her distasteful joke well it's a beautiful perfect day and want feel you to do a show yeah it was nice year but I gotta tell you it was pretty miserable and hardwick this morning oh it was it rainy no what no we had a foot of snow on the ground it's true we had a foot of snow on the ground no I'm not lying actually with two feet two feet of snow on the ground no I am not lying two feet of snow on the ground and of course the plow guy took the summer off you ask me you know he's got some you know I'm not you're trying to help me out because there's a lion and keeps popping up behind you a lion really does anybody else see the lion you see a lion huh I don't see any line at all where where I don't think I think it's the kids who are lying oh you're talking about the pussy cat it's a you think okay all right I would like to make this a teaching moment a teachable moment as they say I'm gonna get the facts before I react because that's very important in this day and age so excuse me sir are you a lion oh it is a lion and what is it that you want to eat you okay so it is a lion it does want to eat me so you were right to warn me there is danger yeah okay all right what are you so busy with I get up at four o'clock in the morning to do the chores well I'm getting the wooden you're getting the wooden for next winter already yeah we burn a lot of witty cords my god that's a lot Judy yeah I know they're puppet cords though okay let's see what a puppet I chopped down a tree with my bare hands and I chew it into blocks this big and then I split them up with my axe all right let's see how it works let me get the axe here it is well that means you get a little hot the sweaty one you split it up it's right it's Henry David's the row the row boy picky picky picky no you're just being thorough whoa you must be pretty fast on your feet it's not easy to outrun the lion I'm slow on my feet but I'm fast on an ATV oh I see that's a good idea from what I understand you can drive those on the streets in Montpelier yeah I think that's fine all right so you got away from the lion yeah but the only problem is that lions have very good sense of smell not a problem so he might still be coming after you no problem what do you mean no problem well I'm gonna set a lion trap how are you gonna do that old fashion lion trap what's a lion trap a lion trap you know you trap a lion in it how does what does it look like how does it okay hang on you get one of these okay little shovel yeah and then you just dig a hole you go just like okay you got a hole and then what you take the hole you cover it over with some sticks and some leaves and some grass yeah you lure the lion over the hole the lion falls in the hole and gets trapped oh and that's the whole trap yeah that's a very good idea simple and elegant now we just sit back and hold on hold on hold on important safety announcement for the kids yeah so kids you ever find yourself being chased by a lion or a bear yeah or a babysitter and you have to set a trap like this there's some really important safety advice you have to remember and that is never forget where you put the hole why do you have to remember where you put the hole why do you think kids why what do you think exactly you might be walking along just like I don't remember where I put the oh yeah did you just fall in your own hole maybe that's exactly what you just warned them not to do yeah so kids I'm teaching by example all right all right why don't you come on out of there so we can get on with the show I can't just come on out of here I'm trapped what are we supposed to do mr. punch uh I don't know oh hey wait a minute I have some dental floss in my pocket what are we gonna do with dental floss I'm gonna throw the dental floss out of the hole yeah somebody can haul me out oh that's a good idea here we there this is not dental floss hey I have widely spaced teeth okay I'm not pointing out your flaws is there anyone who's strong enough and brave enough to pull mr. punch up out of this hole yeah I'm striped sure a civil servant would be great can you do it yeah all right she's gonna do it okay Amelia's gonna do it okay Amelia here she goes all right we're gonna count backwards from five hand over hand here we go yeah oh Amelia I'm sending up the alligator first no no you should have told her that before him all right well better late than never right try it again is it gonna be you this time yeah only one left down here what do you think Amelia we tried again she's willing to try it again that's amazing yeah all right here we go you know look so good I think I landed on my nose I think that was a really hard oh no my hat lost my hat yeah I think you better just shake it off what feel a lot better just shake it off you know shake it okay all right let me try I'm oh there we go much better now he looks really nice so that's called puppetry special effects yeah thank you thank you so we got you out of the hole and now we didn't what do you know you got me out of the hole well that's true it was just one person who got you out yeah you know I'd like to give her a thank you present oh you would you think that'd be okay would you like a present from mr. punch she's not so sure you know she's got some trust issues with you I say no I'm totally trust me come on come on up here I mean you can trust him I think he's got a nice present let me ask you do you like fine art she does yeah do you have expensive paintings at your house for a nice stereo system is there a wall say Mr. Punch I don't like this is gone okay all right the reason why I asked about the fine art is because how I'd like to thank you is by painting your portrait would you like that like to have your portrait painted maybe if you just come stand right in front of me you have the easy job look at mr. punch okay he'll just paint your portrait now smile to do anything silly that's my real big my really big like really really big like really really really big like smile with your tonsils okay okay good hold it like that I'll get the paint and oh let me get my paintbrush okay here's the paintbrush I thought maybe with the arts funding cut I would fool them but here's the paintbrush here we go there's a paintbrush it was a back scratcher but now it's a tax write-off kids your parents can explain about being self-employed okay okay here's the paintbrush yes yes okay here's the canvas now back to Amelia what colors your hair brown what color your eyes brown and your teeth are brown and smile and a nice shirt okay now all I have to do is sign it mr. punch all right is everybody ready to see the painting can I have a drum roll please yeah that's for you oil paint so take a few days to drive amazing I had no idea that you were such a fine artist yeah four years at at a two-year art school and now we've really got to get back to the show because I'm very concerned about that lion oh you're concerned yes well I have something to say that what you've got yours and I've got mine everything is fine well I think so yeah all right so so everything is fine yeah now but the lion might be coming yeah you're worried yeah I'm very worried well I never worry on an empty stomach what is that supposed to me I'm hungry I'm ready for a snack all right we'll have dinner after the show no no no I'm gonna make a snack right now you're gonna have a snack right now yeah yeah all right I'm gonna make my favorite snack all right a quick snack yeah what is it my favorite snack is a sausage sandwich a what that's a sausage so when we what is he saying a sausage sandwich sausage sandwich no no you're saying sausage sandwich but it's sausage sandwich well the thing is I can't say sausage sandwich oh so I say so I cannot say sausage sandwich I just explain all right I say so I know but you're saying sausage so why don't you say sausage sandwich when you mean sausage all right let me try all right so what's it's a language no I can't say all right all right so let's see how you make a sausage so and wait why do you say so what's it's the language you can say sausage sandwich or all right let's see how you do it okay first of all you need one of these what is it it's a bun and it's gluten-free because it's made out of foam rubber and it pretty much tastes like a gluten-free bun okay now you need one of these what is it sausage that's right somebody in the back got it okay now we just fit it in there just like that and some people stop right there but I go a little bit further because I like a deluxe so what's it some way which well next step is a little bit of this stuff sauerkraut right there yeah and then all that's my baby well that the baby's crying yeah yeah the baby's crying just ignore the crying baby pretend you're in a fancy restaurant you cannot hear the crying baby don't ignore the baby I think you should take care of the baby take care of the baby would you like to see Mr. Punch take care of his baby they'd like to see you take care of the baby we during the show yes well it's a free show so I guess I can do that we can wait yeah okay okay who's my buddy are you my buddy yeah he looks just like you the good or bad not sure yeah me neither all right well he seems to be feeling a lot better so I think you can take him back to his crib okay no no I'll leave him here and back to the sausage some cheese for the sausage I think you should take care of the baby and then go back to your sausage oh no it's fine I'm a modern dad you see I can do two things at once are you sure about that yeah yeah any dads in the audience right now yeah we could do two things at once right wow very very convincing hey nice to be unified bro anyway all right two things at the same two things at once yeah so let's see I got a pickle for the sausage and they're fine again so I get a little mustard for the sausage and then oh oh no no no no nothing is wrong with the baby you come here and smell the baby and tell me there's nothing wrong with it's fine it's rotten the baby is not rotten okay listen the baby just needs a diaper change I'm quite sure that that's all that's wrong diaper change aha I'll just YouTube that to figure out what it is of course I've changed it no I have never changed it all right all right I'll walk you through it okay go get a clean diaper okay first step like this yeah that's perfect okay all right okay I got a diaper for the baby I got some relish for this wall I really think you should wait on the sandwich just do the diaper change me can get back to no I have to prove myself to that to the bra over there who didn't have confidence in my skill all right all right yeah you're gonna do a diaper change yes that's right all right I got some powder for the baby I got a pepper for this wall see I did the diaper in the Mustang you're getting confused already all right the diaper wants to stay with the baby not with okay okay but the baby I bought some powder on the baby I bought some relish on this wall see I bought a pickle on the baby pickles for this sausage yeah okay right right I dip the baby in the Mustang baby on the sand what got your baby in the sandwich right now what are you doing now why would I put the baby in the sandwich oh you're right the baby's in the sandwich all right which one of you kids put the baby in the sandwich I did not know why would I put the baby in the sand run the perfectly good sandwich oh I did not know I'm sorry I'm gonna tell you a secret okay cuz I know you're a little worried that little baby puppet has a little squeeze bottle inside of it and before the show I just filled that squeeze bottle up just with some baby pee it's not real pee it's a baby pee you know like the real thing so don't worry we're gonna get it all cleaned up hey bozo brothers do you have your mop yes I got my mop can we get it clean up at the stage please running from the lion oh the lion yeah the lion I think she's a lion is what I think now really is that true well you know what I've got to say what you've got yours and I've got mine everything is the lion no the lion the lion was there again there's no I'm looking right now there's no lion here at all oh now he's down here down there he's not down there he's up there now hello down there again uh-huh right if the parents want to go get a coffee or a dumpling or something we'll do this the next 45 minutes pretty much what's going on in school these days so we mind what I'm looking there there's no line there is a lion but as I said before it's important to get the fact so excuse me are you still a lion oh and you still want to have me for your breakfast no aha no I want to have you for my dinner oh I see you want to have me for this out slow motion I can't run anymore I think it'll be a great moral lesson for the children music what does it mean I'm not sure but it's worth a try right it's better you think if I sing to the lion I'll subdue it I don't know I mean it's better than giving up maybe yeah maybe we'll find out if he comes back a rock of our lion in the treetop when the wind fell asleep I beat the lion you did I beat the lion I beat the lion in your face while lying the cradle will rock when the bow breaks the cradle will fall very soothing and I will come lion big sharp scary teeth and oh wow he fell asleep you did it mr. punch yeah but the only problem is he is gonna wake up eventually and then what are you gonna do oh that's not a problem why not well because this is the end of the show oh so somebody else will have to deal with it when you wake up yeah it's like climate change oh somebody else's problem somebody else's alright so just sing the goodbye song in a very soothing voice okay well that was the show that was the show and now it's time to go I got a shovel snow I got a lot to mow when you hear the rooster crow you'll know it's the end of the you'll wake up the lion and that is the end of the show we perform all over the state and New Hampshire please go to our website modern times theater comm follow us on Instagram or Facebook I do have business cards you can see our schedule for the whole summer most of our shows are at libraries in places like that and they are free come back and see us please and stay in touch thanks for being great audience