 So my mom got this for me and I forgot I had it until today. I poured myself a hot cup of coffee, as you just saw, and then promptly spilled it on myself. But this, as you see, has a top that closes and doesn't spill and has saved me. So I think you'll be seeing this a lot more in videos. So I feel like this could be an odd comparison to make, but I was talking with my husband last night and I brought up a topic that I really wanted to share with you guys. So I feel like this could potentially be a pretty odd subject for a video, but hey, that's okay. I was talking with Brian last night and came up with a comparison for how I've been feeling lately that suddenly made a lot of sense for me and I wanted to share it with you guys. I'm not sure if you are familiar with how abusive relationships work, but I wanted to explain something to you and kind of compare it to what I've been going through in hopes that it might apply to your lives as well. If someone is in an abusive relationship, this statistic is generally applied to like domestic violence. They will leave and return to that relationship an average of seven times before that relationship is actually ended. Most people don't understand that. Most people say fairly naive or ignorant things like, you know, why don't they just leave? They must like getting hurt if they're in that relationship, stuff like that. And those things are never true. It's a very, very complicated situation in my private life. I work with victims of domestic violence. I'm an advocate for survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence and so I'm very familiar with that cycle. Also, because I've lived it, I've been a survivor, I've been a victim of that kind of abuse and I know how it works. I know how normalized abuse and pain and all of that can get and it becomes your new normal. And so you leave it and nothing feels right even though it might be better. And so when and if you are able to leave that relationship, it is a healthier, better thing, but it feels weird, it feels wrong, it feels foreign, it doesn't feel natural. You might be in a better situation and you might be in a safer situation, but that is not what you're used to. As humans, what we know starts to feel safe even if it isn't. What we know starts to feel like what's best for us even if it isn't. And so we end up being in situations that aren't good for us, that aren't best for us because we know them, because we're used to them, because it's what's normal. I think this can apply to a lot of different areas of our lives and just as a quick side note, that's not the only reason people return to abusive relationships. It's a very, very complex issue. There are many, many, many different reasons and I will link an article in the description of this video that's going to dive into that a lot more in depth than I'm going to in this video because I think it's really important because it's not a simple thing like people like to make it. But last night I was talking to Brian and it suddenly hit me that, oh my gosh, that whole idea is probably a big reason why I am really struggling lately because this whole new life is going to be better for me, but it is not something I know. It is not something I'm used to. And so I was used to limping around with an ankle that sucked all the time. I was used to living from surgery to surgery even though I hated it. I was used to taking a step and it being okay and taking another step and then being excruciating pain. Like that was all normalized to me. I lived that for years. I lived with like uncertainty of what a day would hold or what the pain level would be or if I'd be able to move for years. And so I was used to it. I expected it. It was not a life I wanted to live, but it was a life I was living. And as uncertain as it was, at least I knew what to expect if that makes any sense at all. I hope that I explained that in a decent way. And now I have no idea about anything. I am learning everything all over again. And my leg is most days in less pain now than it was before surgery. I've kind of finally crossed over that threshold where like surgery pain was way worse than ankle pain and I've kind of like slowly kind of crossed it where I'm doing better. But everything takes so much more effort because I'm relearning everything. I mean like brushing my teeth takes so much more energy because I'm trying to balance or I'm like balancing my knee on something else as I'm trying to do it and trying to get up to get a glass of water is exhausting. Like everything takes brain power and physical energy and it's hard because I don't know it. It's not that life is worse. It's not that I made a bad choice. It's just that it is different and I don't know it. I'm adjusting to a whole new life. And it really helped me thinking about last night in terms of for whatever reason why it's so common to return to situations that aren't good for us because we know them because we're used to them. And even though I'm really struggling with this whole new lifestyle of being an amputee and not having a leg, that's okay because it's literally human nature to want to go to what's comfortable even if what's comfortable is not good for us even if what's comfortable is unsafe even if what is comfortable is painful. It seems like those things contradict but they don't. We like being somewhere where at least we know what to expect even if what we expect is horrible. And so I am in like foreign territory where I don't know what is going on. I don't know what is happening. I don't know what the future holds not that any of us ever really do but at least recognizing that I can like sit with a discomfort if that makes sense and know that oh okay well this is incredibly uncomfortable and I don't know what to expect and yeah that's not great but I will find a new normal. I will find a way to get comfortable in all of this and it's just going to take time. And in a twisted analogy I walked away from the abusive relationship of my ankle causing me so much pain all the time and sucking away so much life from me and I made a decision to sever that relationship. That's a sick joke because they severed my leg guys. Don't worry I'll never be a comedian guys. Anyways I know this video was a little bit rambling but I wanted to share that with you because I know that making decisions is really hard when we are walking into the unknown and so that's something you are considering. That's something you're doing is that if that's something you are on the path of way to go and stick to it let's stick to it together even though it's really hard and super uncomfortable and unknown because reaching for a healthier life for a better life is worth it even though sometimes it feels like it sucks even though it's really uncomfortable and even though it's scary I know it's worth it. I know it's worth it for you too. Thanks for listening guys. I'm gonna let my adorable little rats out to froth like and play and spend some time just breathing. I hope you're doing wonderfully and I look forward to talking to you guys soon. Bye.