 The Jack Benny program, presented by Lucky Strike. Quality of product is essential to continuing success. In a cigarette, it's the tobacco that counts and... LSMFT. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. Yes, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. It takes fine tobacco to make a fine cigarette. And year after year, independent tobacco experts, auctioneers, buyers and warehousemen, can see the makers of Lucky Strike consistently selected by that fine, that light, that naturally mild tobacco. Fine, light, naturally mild tobacco. Yes, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. And fine tobacco means real deep down smoking enjoyment for you. So smoke that smoke of fine tobacco, Lucky Strike. So round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the drawer. FPCS... Well, dare it's 2.30, I guess I better get over to the studio. All right, goodbye, darling. And don't forget your script. Oh, I won. Oh, by the way, Don, I meant to ask you... What happened at Jack Benny's house last Wednesday, that caused so much commotion? Oh, bad! I thought you knew everybody's talking about it. No, dear, tell me what happened. Well, as you know, it was last Wednesday. The evening started out quietly enough. In fact, Jack had just finished having dinner. All right, Rochester, that certainly was a good dinner. Thanks, boss. And that first dish you brought in, that was good. You make it yourself? Oh, no, boss. Those were popovers from the bakery. Oh. What was on the other dish? Leftovers from Tuesday. Wait a minute. I happen to know that last night, we had lamb stew and spare ribs. And what I had tonight looked like a lamb chop. I know, boss. I took the meat out of the stew, dried it in the sun, glued it to a rib, and put a panty on it. Gee, you sure pulled me. And Rochester, what happened to the rest of the stew? You didn't throw it out, did you? No, sir. You know those olives you had for lunch? Yes. Those were the green peas. I pumped them up. Well, what do you know? And Rochester, that other dish, it tasted like squash. What was it yesterday? Squash. I couldn't do a thing with it. Well, Rochester, don't buy squash anymore. It's so inflexible. Well, I think I'll, um, I think I'll go in the library and relax a while. Hand me my slippers, will you, Rochester? Here you are. Thanks. What are you laughing at? Yesterday, those were hip boots. I cut them down. What are you going to do with the tops? I'll finish them. Yeah. Rochester, you better do the dishes. Will you please? I'm going to the library. On the boardwalk at Atlantic City, dum, dum, da, dum, dum. Yeah, I wish they'd have bathing beauty contests for men. No, it's enough that I'm the star of state screen and radio. Dum, dum, dum, da, dum, da, dum. I'll get it. Hiya, Jackson. Hello, Mr. Benny. Oh, hello, fellas. I've been expecting you. Come on in. Gee, rubber bedroom slippers. Yeah. Hey, we'd have been here earlier, Jackson, but we missed the first bus. Oh, well, come on in. Say, Phil, did you come all the way over here on a bus like that? Like what? Look, well, how do you like that? I put on a glove that was holding a Scotch and soda. Oh, say, Dennis, I'm surprised to see you here tonight. I know your mother hates me. Yeah. I can't understand why your mother dislikes me so much. How can your family be so divided? Your father likes me, doesn't he? No. But, Dennis, when you brought your father to the broadcast, he told me that he liked me. He said I was the most wonderful guy he ever met. He said that last Sunday. Monday, they took him away. That's a shame. I need him, too. Oh, Polly, how do you like the way Daddy polished up your cage? Yes, sir. Hi, you, Polly. Why don't you get somebody to send you a cracker with a file in it so you can break out of that thing? Phil, don't give her any idea. Just say hello to her. Hello, Polly. Polly, Mr. Harris said hello to you. Say hello to Mr. Harris. Polly, say hello to Mr. Harris. Hello. Now, where'd she pick that up? I said hello to her yesterday. Oh, Polly, Polly, say hello to Dennis. No, no, come on, Polly, say hello, Dennis. Hello, Dennis. Say, fellas, you know, the evening's young yet. What do we do to kill a little time? How about a game of bridge? Bridge? Yeah, yeah, we'll get out the card table. Oh, gee, fellas, we can't play. Why not? Well, to play bridge, you have to have poor hands. I've only got two of them. Dennis. I mean poor people. Oh. Anyway, fellas, we'll think of a way. I'll get her, Rochester. On the boardwalk at Atlantic City. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Well. Pardon my intrusion, Mr. Benny. Well, Mr. Kitzel, what are you doing here? Yesterday, when you had lunch at the drug store, you left your hat on the counter. Oh, yes, yes, I did forget. How did you know it was my hat? Well, when I looked on the band, I saw the initials, J.B. Oh, oh. But he said it wasn't his. Who? George Boyne's. No, no, no, no, Mr. Kitzel, George starts with a G. He told me when he found out the hat was too small. Well, it was nice of you to return it. Thank you. Oh, by the way, Mr. Kitzel. Oh, hey, we need a fourth hand for bridge. I was wondering if you play the game. Oh, oh, oh. Good. What system do you use? The best. Claudette Coldaxon. Rochester, will you please bring in a card table and some cards? All right, fellas, let's go. One note, Trump. Dennis, we haven't dealt the cards yet. He has to be my partner. Go ahead, Phil, you deal. OK. Rochester, get a little warm in here. Open the window, will you please? Republicans are still celebrating. You better close it, Rochester. OK, Jackson, pick up your cards. All right. Let me see. I bid two spades. I'll pay. Dennis, I bid two spades. What do you do? Which ones are spades? The black ones. I've got two kinds of black ones. Those are spades and clubs. Now what do you do? I pass. Dennis, you can't pass. You're my partner. Not I've got my own show. I'm his partner yet. You're my partner in the game. I bid two spades. That's a forcing bid. I'm trying to find out what you've got in your hand. I've got a seven of diamonds and nine of hearts. Not that. Mr. Kitzel. Yes. Mr. Kitzel, look at his hand and help him. OK. What does he do? He passes. He can't pass. He's my partner. He's my partner in the middle and the A-santa. What do you do, Phil? I open for $2. Phil, this is bid. I don't care what it is. I've got a full house of straight and a flush. Now don't be silly, Phil. That doesn't mean anything in bid. Oh. Phil, where are you going? I'm taking this hand over to the pool hall. It's worth a fortune over there. Come back here and sit down. Now where were we? I pass. Callie, you're not even playing. Hello, Dennis. Oh, quiet. Let's get back to the game. Phil, Phil, it's your bid. Well, let's see. And don't bend those cards. It's a new deck. I just got a deck of cards for my birthday. Did you kid? Boy, when I opened them up, was I disappointed. Why? On the box, it said Bicycle. What's the name of the cards? Bicycle cards. Now, Phil. I think it's misleading. Phil, it's your. I ought to sue them. Dennis, you can't sue them. It says Bicycle cards. That's what they are, Bicycle cards. Now, Phil. It would be hard to shuffle bicycles. Oh, for heaven. Phil, where are you going? I'm going to phone Alice and thank her for not having any boys. Well, I don't blame you. Now, let's get going. Rochester, will you answer that, please? Yes, sir. Phil, it's up to you now. Mr. Benny's residence, Starrham stage and radio. Rochester, Starrham screen, too. I don't want to start any argument. Oh, it's for you, Mr. Benny, Palm Springs calling. For me? Palm Springs? I wonder who. Hello? Hello, Mary. Mary, why didn't you tell me you were going to Palm Springs? Where are you staying? At the Mission Inn. But the Mission Inn is in Riverside. It's in Palm Springs? Rain that hard. It's been raining here, too. Water's so deep, the only one who's not afraid to go out is Gary Cooper in my house. And he was alone, I think. Certainly, Mary, sure, I'll be glad to. Have a nice rest. Goodbye, doll. What do Mary want, Jackson? She want me to send her some chiss-sweet sandwich. I haven't got them there, you know? Well, let's get out of the game. Hey, Jackson, we got all balled up, so I dealt a new hand. I dealt for you. OK, now let's see. What a hand. I pass. I pass. I pass. I bid 12 spades. Phil, how could you get 12 spades? I'd have had the other one, too, if you had stayed on that phone a little longer. Give me those cards. I'll deal them myself. Would your gentleman like a cigarette? Yeah, I'll have one. Same as the Kitzel. I know it's your smoking lucky strikes. You bet. Yes, sir. Why, sure. It's my favorite brand. Good, good. And I'm crazy about that auctioneer. Hu-ha-hoo. Mr. Kitzel, stop jigging. A carbon copy. I'll read the wire. Maybe it'll take your mind off of the two bits. Oh, yes, yes. Dear Jack, arriving Los Angeles to spend week with you should be at your house Wednesday evening about 8. Signed Leo DeRosha. Well, do you hear that, fellas? Leo DeRosha's going to spend a week with me, and he arrives Wednesday. Hey, that's tonight. You guys are really in for a treat. No kidding. Hey, Jackson, is this the Leo DeRosha who manages the Brooklyn Dodgers? That's him. You know, I spent most of my vacation traveling with his team. My mother used to play with the Giants. He had to quit when I was born. It was a thrill traveling with that team. I got to like every player. Gee, I hope I live to see the day when the Brooklyn Dodgers win the World Series. You know, Jackson, at your age, that ain't a bad wish. I'd like to. Hey, wait a minute. If you're such a good friend of DeRosha, then why were you always rooting for St. Louis? That was the St. Louis Browns and the American League. In the National League, I always rooted for the Dodgers. Oh, Rochester. Yes, boss. When Mr. DeRosha arrives, he'll probably be hungry, so you'd better pick him something to eat. OK. What have you got in the refrigerator? White enamel and ice cubes. Oh, there's some hamburger in the freezing compartment. Now, get it out and make some fresh coffee, too. Yes, sir. Oh, by the way, we're all out of sugar. No sugar. Well, Rochester, go over to the Ronald Colman's next door and borrow some. OK, boss. Oh, Benita, Benita, what was that at the door? It was Mr. Benny's butler, Manchester. Benny want this done? Just a cup of sugar. Never have I seen such a man borrow, borrow, borrow. Oh, darling, don't let it upset you. He only borrows trivial things. Trivial things? Yes. Like yesterday, he was out working on his lawn, and he came over to borrow some oil for the lawnmower. Did you let him have it? I thought it best, too, after all it's our lawnmower. Just listen to the things he's gotten from us since the first of the month. One cup of sugar, one can of oil, one lawnmower, one mixmaster, two slices of bacon, two razor blades, three onions, one brown shoelace, one card table, two decks of cards, four bridge chairs, one Dr. Scholl's footbed, a monkey wrench, a screwdriver, one band-aid, small size, two light bulbs, and I know I've forgotten several things. There's too difficult memorizing every item. Why don't you write them down? He's got my fountain pen, too. My new fountain pen, the one I just received from England. Oh, Ronnie, you mean the one that writes under tea? That's the one. Now, let me see. What else did he borrow? Well, let it go. It's not important. Yes, it is. I want to remember them. Now, let's see. There was an umbrella, a half pound of coffee, the comic section from the Sandy Times. I never did find out whether or not Dick Tracy knocked off goggles. Don't worry about it. I'll call C. Aubrey Smith. He'll tell us what happened. Good, good, good. Oh, and another thing Benny borrowed. Just the other night, three tootsie rolls. Well, he didn't borrow them. Me neither. I distinctly saw you give him those tootsie rolls. I know, but it was Halloween and he knocked on the door and said, trick or treat. His pants legs and knocking on our door and saying, please give me some candy, some cake or some pie. And if you don't do it, I'll spit in your eye. He curts it and his toupee fell off. I have to go to a movie tonight. Oh, I don't know what's playing. I'll look in the paper and see as, um, the Jolson story, Margie, Nobody Lives Forever, Dark Mirror, Nanda Current. That's about all that's showing at the first round theaters. Well, check the neighborhood theaters. Last horizon must be playing somewhere. I was the way I just said so. Again, Ms. Colvin? What is it, Manchester? Well, Mr. Benny wants to serve baked potatoes tonight and he's all out of potatoes. We'll need four of them spare him. All right, I'll get them for you. And Mr. Benny says we'll only need a half pound of butter this time. Take care. Oh, I say, uh, Dorchester, curious about something. Is ours the only house in the neighborhood that Mr. Benny borrows from? Oh, no, sir. You know the people who live in that big house on the corner? The one with the burnt house in the front lawn? Yes. Well, uh, well, we all... Uh, as you know, Mr. Benny has borrowed so many things. Do you think he ever intends repaying us? Oh, I'm quite sure he does. You're mentioning his will. Mentioning his will? You know, one day the star have lost a rise in the next day's second billing to a sparrow. You know, I think that... There you are, Manchester. I've got everything for you. Four potatoes, half pound of butter and four napkins. But I didn't ask for any napkins. I know, I thought I'd save you another trip. How long is Benny going to keep this up? When is it going to stop? I'm asking you, when is this going to stop? That's all I want to know. That's all I want to know! Well, I'm going to find some way to... I'll get it this time. Yes? Pardon me, uh, does Jack Benny live here? I'm Leo DeRosha. Sir, Mr. Benny lives next door, the house on the left. Good night. Oh, thanks, uh, I'll say... Say, haven't I seen you someplace before? I know the movies. You're Ronald Coleman, aren't you? Yes, yes, uh... Mr. Benny's house is that one right over there. Good night. Gosh, you're wonderful in the movies. I loved you and lost horizon. Uh, Mr. Benny's house... You did? Well... Thank you. Oh, Benita. Benita, come here. I want you to meet someone who... Who loved me in, um... I mean, I want you to meet a friend of mine. Oh, yes, darling, who is it? I'd like you to meet Mr. Leo DeRosha. You don't mean Lippy. Lippy? Yes, that's my nickname. Well, then you two have met before. Oh, no, no, no. But I've read about him in the papers. I think it was in connection with the last election. He was elected Mayor of Brooklyn or something. No, no, Mrs. Coleman. I manage the Brooklyn Dodgers. Brooklyn Dodgers? Yeah, them bums. You know who them bums are, don't you? Well, we should. We live next door to one. Anyway, Benita, the Brooklyn Dodgers is a baseball team. Thanks. Why are you visiting Mr. Benny? He's an important man in baseball, too. Benny, an important man in baseball? He must be. He kept Greenberg on 3rd for two years. Oh, no, that's just a gag. Anyway, my visit to Benny is strictly a social one. He's one of my best friends. Oh, so you're the guest they're expecting for dinner. I sure am. Look, would you do us a favor, please? When they pass the butter, take it easy. It's ours. I'll do my best, Mr. Coleman. You know I haven't seen Benny since the baseball season ended in September. And I was wondering... Excuse me for interrupting, Leo, but I just noticed you belong to the Elks, don't you? The Elks? Yes, those Elks teeth hanging on your watch chain. No, no. These are umpires' teeth. Oh, the animals. In Brooklyn, yes. Now, Benita, he's only joking. An umpire is an official in a baseball game. He makes the decisions and even has the power to remove a player from the game and send him to the showers. Why? How sanitary. I'd better be running along. I'm kind of anxious to see Jack again. Before you go, Leo, I want to tell you that I felt badly when your team failed to win the pen and... Oh, well, that's baseball. You just can't figure it. One day you're great and the next day you stink. Pardon me, Mr. Coleman. Mr. Coleman's pictures weren't all great either. I brought my team in second and it's great to know that we still have thousands and thousands of loyal fans. I certainly have, Leo. Well, I'd better be running along. I know Benny's waiting for me. You know, it's rather strange. If you and Benny are such great friends, then why was he so anxious for St. Louis to win the pen and... St. Louis? Yes. I remember he used to sit by the radio and cheer every time St. Louis got a hit. What? Let me get this straight. Did I hear you say that Benny was rooting for St. Louis? Yes. Yes, that's right. You're sure there isn't some mistake? No, no, you heard him, didn't you, Benita? Yes. Well, I'd better run along. It was nice meeting you folks. Good night, Leo. What do you think for St. Louis? St. Louis? But, Leo, that was the St. Louis Browns in the American League. Oh, I'm so sorry, pal. Here, let me help you up. Hey, you know what, Leo? You almost had another tooth for your chain. Gentlemen, the majority of American hospitals now have patients waiting to be admitted. And the situation in many areas is growing steadily worse because of insufficient nursing personnel. All young women between the ages of 17 and 35 who are high school or college graduates are urged to apply for admission in any one of the 1,300 accredited schools of nursing. Apply to the one nearest you. Thank you. Jack will be back in just a minute, but first here is my good friend, Mr. F.E. Boone. F.E. Boone, say I'm not a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of 59 American. Let the chant of the tobacco auctioneer remind you that year in, year out, lucky strike means fine tobacco. And in a cigarette, it's the tobacco that counts. Independent tobacco experts, auctioneers, buyers, and warehousemen really know tobacco. Mr. William D. Whitley of Henderson, North Carolina has been an independent tobacco auctioneer for 18 years, and he said, I speak as an eyewitness when I say that season after season I've seen the makers of Lucky Strike by fine ripe tobacco. That good fragrant tobacco that makes a fine smoke. I've smoked Lucky's myself for 13 years. Quote, I've seen the makers of Lucky Strike by fine ripe tobacco. Unquote. Yes, at market after market. Independent tobacco experts like Mr. Whitley can see the makers of Lucky Strike consistently select and buy that fine, that light, that naturally mild tobacco. Fine, light, naturally mild tobacco. Yes, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, and fine tobacco means real deep down smoking enjoyment for you. Remember, LSMFT. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. So smoke that smoke of fine tobacco, Lucky Strike. So round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. That's what happened last Wednesday night. Yes, dear. Well, I'm glad that Mr. Benny and Mr. DeRosier made up. So am I. And you'd never know Jack had a black eye. Well, how'd you get rid of it so fast? He sent Leo over to the cold ones to borrow a steak for it. Oh, what do you know? Well, you better run along now, dear. You'll be late for rehearsal. Goodbye, darling. This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company.