 Intro and Chapter 1 of Trials and Confessions of a Housekeeper. This is a LibriVox recording, all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Trials and Confessions of a Housekeeper by D. S. Arthur. Introduction. Under the title of Confessions of a Housekeeper, a portion of the matter in this volume has already appeared. The book is now considerably increased, and the range of subjects made to embrace the grave and instructive, as well as the agreeable and amusing. The author is sure that no lady reader familiar with the trials, perplexities, and incidents of housekeeping can fail to recognize many of her own experiences, for nearly every picture that is here presented has been drawn from life. End of Introduction. Chapter 1 My Speculation in Chinaware. This happened a very few years after my marriage and is one of those feeling incidents in life that we never forget. My husband's income was moderate, and we found it necessary to deny ourselves many little articles of ornament and luxury, to the end that there might be no serious abatement in the comforts of life. In furnishing our house we had been obliged to content ourselves mainly with things useful. Our parlor could boast of nine cane-seat chairs, one high-backed cane-seat rocking chair, a pair of card-tables, a pair of ottomans, the covers for which I had worked in Worsted, and a few illustrated books upon the card-tables. There were no pictures on the walls, nor ornaments on the mantle-pieces. For a time after my marriage with Mr. Smith I did not think much about the plainness of our style of living, but after a while contracts between my own parlors and those of one or two friends would take place in my mind, and I often found myself wishing that we could afford a set of candelabras, a pair of china vases, or some choice pieces of bohemian glass. In fact I set my heart on something of the kind, though I concealed the weakness from my husband. Time stole on, and one increase after another to our family kept up the necessity for careful expenditure, and at no time was there money enough in the purse to justify any outlay beyond what the wants of the household required. So my mantle-pieces remained bare as at first, notwithstanding the desire for something to put on them still remained active. One afternoon, as I sat at work renovating an old garment with hope of making it look almost as good as new, my cook entered and said, There's a man downstairs, Mrs. Smith, with a basket full of the most beautiful glass dishes and china ornaments that you ever did see, and he says that he will sell them for old clothes. For old clothes? I responded, but half-comprehending what the girl meant. Yes, ma'am, if you have got an old coat or a pair of pantaloons that ain't good for nothing, he'll buy them and pay you in glass or china. I paused for a moment to think and then said, Tell him to come up into the dining room, Mary. The girl went downstairs and soon came back in company with a doll-looking old man who carried on his arm a large basket in which were temptingly displayed rich china vases, motto and presentation cups and saucers, glass dishes and sundry other articles of a like character. Any old coats, pantaloons or vests? Said the man as he placed carefully his basket on the floor. Don't want any money? See here, beautiful. And as he spoke it took up a pair of vases and held them before my eyes. They were just the thing for my mantelpieces and I coveted them on the instant. What's the price? I inquired. Got an old coat? Was my only answer. Don't want money? My husband was the possessor of a coat that had seen pretty good service and which he had not worn for some time. In fact it had been voted, superannuated and consigned to a dark corner of the clothes press. The thought of this garment came very naturally into my mind and with the thought of a pleasant acceleration of feeling for I already saw the vases on my mantles. Any old clothes? Repeated the vendor of china wear. Without a word I left the dining room and hurried up to where our large clothes press stood in the passage above. From this I soon abstracted the coat and then descended with quick steps. The dull face of the old man brightened the moment his eyes fell upon the garment. He seized it with a nervous movement and seemed to take in its condition at a single glance. Apparently the examination was not very satisfactory for he let the coat fall, in a careless manner, across a chair giving his shoulders a shrug, while a slight expression of contempt flitted over his countenance. Not much good fell from his lips after a pause. By this time I had turned to his basket and was examining more carefully its contents. Most prominence to the china vases upon which my heart was already set and instinctively I took them in my hands. What will you give for the coat? The old man gave his head a significant shake as he replied, no very good. It's worth something. I returned. Many a poor person would be glad to buy it for a small sum of money. It's only a little defaced. I'm sure it's richly worth four or five dollars. Poof! Poof! Five dollar poof! The old man seemed angry at my most unreasonable assumption. Well, well. Said I, beginning to feel a little impatient. Just tell me what you will give for it. What do you want? He inquired, his manner visibly changing. I want these vases at any rate. I answered holding up the articles I had mentioned. Worth four or five dollar. Ejaculated the dealer in well feigned surprise. I shook my head. He shrugged his shoulders and commenced searching his basket from which after a while he took a china cup and saucer on which I read in gilt letters for my husband. Give you this, said he. It was now my time to show surprise I answered. Indeed you won't then, but I'll tell you what I will do. I'll let you have the coat for the vases and this cup and saucer. To this proposition the man gave an instant and decided negative and seemed half offended by my offer. He threw the coat which was in his hands again upon a chair and stooping down took his basket on his arm. I was deceived by his manner and began to think that I had proposed rather a hard bargain so I said. You can have the coat for the vases if you care to make the exchange if not why no harm is done. For a space of nearly a half a minute the old man stood in apparent irresolution then he replied as he sat down his basket and took out the pair of vases. I don't care you shall have them. I took the vases and he took the coat. A moment or two more and I heard the street door close behind the dealer in chinaware with a very decided jar. Ain't they beautiful aunty? Said I to my old aunt Rachel who had been a silent witness of the scene I have just described and I held the pair of vases before her eyes. Why yes they are rather pretty Jane. Replied aunt Rachel a little coldly as I thought. Rather pretty they are beautiful. Said I warmly. See there and I placed them on the dining room mantel. How much they will improve our parlors. Not have so much as that old coat you as good as gave away would have improved the feelings as well as the looks of poor Mr. Bryan who lives across the street. Was the unexpected and repuking answer of aunt Rachel. The words smote on my feelings. Mr. Bryan was a poor but honest and industrious young man upon whose daily labor a wife and five children were dependent. He went meanly clad because he could not earn enough in addition to what his family required to buy comfortable clothing for himself. I saw in an instant what the truest position of the coat should have been. The china vases would a little improve the appearance of my parlors but how many pleasant feelings and hours and days of comfort with the old coat have given to Mr. Bryan. I said no more. Aunt Rachel went on with her knitting and I took the vases down into the parlors and placed them on the mantles one in each room. But they looked small and seemed quite solitary. So I put one on each end of a single mantle, listed better. Still I was disappointed in the appearance they made and a good deal displeased with myself. I felt that I had made a bad bargain that is one from which I should obtain no real pleasure. For a while I sat opposite the mantle-piece looking at the vases but not admiringly. Then I left the parlor and went about my household duties but with a pressure on my feelings. I was far, very far from being satisfied with myself. About an hour afterwards my husband came home. I did not take him into the parlor to show him my little purchase for I had no heart to do so. As we sat at the tea-table he said addressing me, you know that old coat of mine that is up in the clothes-press. I nodded my head in ascent but in not venture to speak. I've been thinking today," added my husband, that it would be just a thing for Mr. Brian who lives opposite. It's rather too much worn for me but will look quite decent on him compared with the clothes he now wears. Don't you think it is a good thought? We will, of course, make him a present of the garment. My eyes drooped to the table and I felt the blood crimsoning my face. For a moment or two I remained silent and then answered. I'm sorry you didn't think of this before but it's too late now. Too late? Why? inquired my husband. I sold a coat this afternoon, was my reply. Sold it? Yes. A man came along with some handsome china ornaments and I sold the coat for a pair of vases to set on our mantelpieces. There was an instant change in my husband's face. It is approved of what I had done and though he uttered no condemning words his countenance gave to a clear an index to his feelings. The coat would have done poor Mr. Brian a great deal more good than the vases will ever do, Jane. Spoke up under Rachel with less regard for my feelings than was manifested by my husband. I don't think, she continued, that anybody ought to sell old clothes for either money or knick-knackeries to put on the mantelpieces. Let them be given to the poor and they'll do some good. There isn't a housekeeper in moderate circumstances that couldn't almost clothe some poor family by giving away the cast-off garments that every year accumulate on her hands. How sharply did I feel the rebuking spirit in these words of Aunt Rachel? What's done can't be helped now, said my husband kindly interrupting as he spoke some further remarks that Aunt Rachel evidently intended to make. We must do better next time. I must do better was my quick remark made in penitent tones. I was very thoughtless. To relieve my mind my husband changed the subject of conversation but nothing could relieve the pressure upon my feelings caused by a too acute consciousness of having done what in the eyes of my husband looked like a want of true humanity. I could not bear that he should think me void of sympathy for others. The day following was Sunday. Church time came and Mr. Smith went to the clothes press for his best coat which had been worn only for a few months. Jane. He called to me suddenly in a voice that made me start. Jane, where is my best coat? In the clothes press I replied coming out from our chamber into the passage as I spoke. No, it's not here was his reply and I shouldn't wonder if he had sold my good coat for those China bosses. No such thing. I quickly answered though my heart gave a great band at his words and sunk in my bosom with a low tremor of alarm. Here's my old coat, said Mr. Smith holding up that defaced garment. Where is the new one? The old clothesman has it, assures I live. Burst from my lips. Well, that is a nice piece of work I must confess. This was all my husband said but it was enough to smite me almost to the floor. Covering my face with my hands I dropped into a chair and sat and sobbed for a while bitterly. It can't be helped now, Jane, said Mr. Smith at length in a soothing voice. The coat is gone and there is no help for it. You will know better next time. That was all he said to me then and I was grateful for his kind consideration. He saw that I was punished quite severely enough and did not add to my pain by rebuke or complaint. An attempt was made during the week to recover the coat. Valued it some twenty dollars but the china ornament man was not to be found. He had made too good a bargain to run the risk of having it broken. About an hour after the discovery of the loss of my husband's coat I went quietly down into the parlor and taking from the mantel pieces the china vase is worth probably a dollar for the pair. Concealed them under my apron lest any one should see what I had and returning upstairs hid them away in a dark closet where they have ever since remained. The reader may be sure that I never forgot this my first and last speculation in Chinaware. End of chapter one Chapter two something about cooks of trials and confessions of a housekeeper. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Trials and Confessions of a Housekeeper by T. S. Arthur Chapter two something about cooks Was there ever a good cook who hadn't some prominent fault that completely overshadowed her professional good qualities? If my experience is to answer the question the reply will be no. I had been married several years before I was fortunate enough to obtain a cook that could be trusted to boil a potato or broil a steak. I felt as if completely made up when Margaret served her first dinner. The roast was just right and all the vegetables were cooked and flavored as well as if I had done it myself in fact a little better. My husband ate with a relish not often exhibited and praised almost everything on the table. For a week one good meal followed another in daily succession. We had hot cakes, light and fine flavored every morning for breakfast with coffee not to be beaten and chops or steaks steaming from the gridiron that would have gladdened the taste of an epicure. Dinner was served during the time with a punctuality that was rarely a minute at fault while every article of food brought upon the table fairly tempted the appetite. Light rolls, rice cakes or cellulins made without suggestion on my part usually met us at tea time. In fact the very delight of Margaret's life appeared to be in cooking. She was born for a cook. Over strange to say Margaret was good tempered a most remarkable thing in a good cook and more remarkable still was tidy in her person and cleanly in her work. She is a treasure said I to my husband one day as we passed from the dining room after having partaken of one of her excellent dinners. She's too good replied Mr. Smith too good to last there must be some bad fault about her. Good cooks always have bad faults and I am looking for its appearance every day. Don't talk so Mr. Smith there is no reason in the world why a good cook should not be as faultless as anyone else. Even while I said this certain misgivings intruded themselves my husband went to his store soon after. About three o'clock Margaret presented herself all dressed to go out and said that she was going to see her sister but would be back in time to get tea. She came back as she promised but alas for my good cook the fault appeared she was so much intoxicated that in attempting to lift the kettle from the fire she let it fall and came near scalding herself dreadfully. Oh dear she'll never forget the sad disappointment of that hour. How the pleasant images of good dinners and comfortable breakfasts and suppers faded from my vision the old trouble was to come again for the faultless cook had manifested a fault that officiated for us all her good qualities. On the next day I told Margaret that we must part but she begged so hard to be kept in her place and promised the future so earnestly that I was prevailed on to try her again it was of no use however in less than a week she was drunk again and I had to let her go. After that for some months we had burnt steaks waxy potatoes and dried roast beef to our hearts content while such luxuries as muffins, hotcakes and the like were not to be seen on our uninviting table. My next good cook had such a violent temper that I was actually afraid to show my face in the kitchen I bore with her until patience was no longer a virtue and then she went. Biddy who took charge of my kitchen, cabinet, a year or so afterwards proved herself a culinary artist of no ordinary merit but alas Biddy kept a room with strange disappearances of bars of soap bowls of sugar prints of butter etc took place that I was forced to the unwilling conclusion that her room was simply a storeroom for the surplusage of mine some pretty strong evidence on this point coming to my mind I dismissed Biddy she was particularly forward in declaring her honesty although I had never accused her of being wanting in that inestimable virtue some of my experiences in cooks have been musing enough or I should rather say are musing enough to think about they were rather annoying at the time of their occurrence one of these experiences I will relate I had obtained a treasure in a new cook who was not only good tempered and cleanly but understood her business reasonably well Kitty was a little different from former incumbents of her office in this that she took an interest in reading and generally dipped into the morning paper before it found its way upstairs to this of course I had no objection but was rather pleased to see it time however which proves all things showed my cook to be rather too literary in her inclinations I often found her reading when it was but reasonable for me to expect that she would be working and overdone or burned dishes occasionally marked the degree in which her mind was absorbed in her literary pleasures which I discovered in time were not of the highest order such books as the mysteries of Paris furnished the element that fed her imagination Jane said my husband to me one morning as he was about leaving the house I believe I must invite my old friend Green to dine with me today he will leave the city tomorrow and I may not have the pleasure of a social hour with him again four years besides I won't introduce him to you we were intimate as young men and much attached to each other I would like you to know him invite him by all means was my reply I will send home a turkey from market said Mr. Smith as he stood holding on to the open door tell Kitty to cook it just right Mrs. Green I am told is a first rate housekeeper and I feel like showing you off to the best advantage don't look for too much replied smiling lest you be disappointed Mr. Smith went away and I walked back to the kitchen door to say a word to Kitty as I looked in the sound of the door caused her to start she was standing near a window and at my appearance she hurriedly concealed something under her apron Kitty said I we are to have company to dine with us today Mr. Smith will send home a turkey which you must dress and cook in the best manner I will be down during the morning to make some lemon puddings be sure to have a good fire in the range and see that all the drafts are clear Kitty promised that everything should be right and I went upstairs in due time the marketing came home about eleven o'clock I repaired the kitchen and much to my surprise found all in disorder what in the world have you been doing all the morning said I feeling a little fretted Kitty excused herself good naturally and commenced bustling things to rights while I got flour and other articles necessary for my purpose and went to work at my lemon puddings which were in due time ready for the oven giving all necessary directions as to their baking and charging Kitty to be sure to have everything on the table precisely to our usual hour for dining I went up into the nursery to look after the children and to see about other matters requiring my attention time passed on until surprise I heard the clock strike one I had yet to dress for dinner I wonder how Kitty is coming on said I to myself I hope she will not let the puddings get all dried up but I felt too much in a hurry to go down and satisfy myself as to the state of affairs in the kitchen and took it for granted that all was right a little while afterwards I perceived an odour as if something burning what is that came instinctively for my lips if Kitty has let the puddings burn quickest thought I turned from my room and went gliding downstairs as I neared the kitchen the smell of burned flour or pastry grew stronger all was silent below and I approached in silence on entering Kitty's domain I perceived that lady seated in front of the range with a brown covered pamphlet novel held close to her face in the pages of which she was completely lost I never saw anyone more entirely absorbed in a book no sign of dinner was anywhere to be seen upon the range was a kettle of water boiling over into the fire and from one of the ovens poured forth a dark smoke that told to plainly the ruin of my lemon puddings and to cap all the turkey it guiltless of fire a dripping pan was upon the floor in possession of a strange cat which had come in through the open window bending over the still entranced cook I read the title of her book it was The Wandering Jew Kitty I don't much wonder now at the start she gave for I presume there was not the zyphorous softness in my voice oh ma'am she caught her breath as her eyes rested upon the cat and the turkey indeed ma'am and then she made a spring towards puss who nimbly eluding her passed out by the way through which she had come in by this time I had jerked open the oven door when there came rushing out a cloud of smoke which instantly filled the room my puddings were burned to a crisp as for the turkey the cat had eaten off one side of the breast and it was no longer fit for the table ma'am well this is fine work said I in angry at despairing voice fine work upon my word oh ma'am Kitty interrupted me by saying I'll run right off and find other turkey and have it cooked in time indeed I will ma'am and I'll pay for it it's all my fault oh dear dear me now don't be angry mrs smith I'll have dinner already in time and no one will be any wiser for this in time and I raised my finger towards the kitchen clock the hands of which marked the period of half past one two o'clock was our regular dinner time mercy ejaculated the frightened cook as she sank back upon a chair I thought it was only a little past eleven I am sure it was only eleven when I sat down just to read page or two while the puddings were in the oven the truth was the wandering Jew in the most exciting portion of which she happened to be proved too much for her imagination her mind had taken no note of time and two hours passed with a rapidity of a few minutes I don't exactly comprehend this said to my husband as he sat down with his old friend to dine off of broiled steak potatoes at half past two o'clock it's all the fault of the wandering Jew I replied making an effort to drive away with a smile the red signs of mortification that were in my face the wandering Jew returned to my husband looking mystified yes the fault lies with that imaginary personage said I strange as it may seem related to the mishaps of the morning for dessert we had some preserved fruit and cream and a hearty laugh of the burnt puddings and disfigured turkey poor kitty couldn't survive the mortification she never smiled again in my house and at the close of the week removed to another home end of chapter two chapter three light on the subject of trials and confessions of a housekeeper this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org trials and confessions of a housekeeper by T. S. Arthur chapter three light on the subject the oil's out mom said Hannah the domestic who succeeded Kitty in reaching her head into the room where I sat sewing it can't be I replied in date mom and it is there isn't a fuller lamp left was the positive answer then what have you done with it said I in a firm voice it isn't four days since a gallon was sent home from the store four days it's more nor a week mom don't tell me that Hannah I replied firmly for I know better I was out on last Monday and told Brown to send us home a gallon sure and it's burned mom then what else could go with it it never was burned in our lamps said I in answer to this you've either wasted it or given it away at this Hannah as in honor bound became highly indignant and indulged in certain impertinences which I did not feel inclined to notice but as the oil was all gone and no mistake and as the prospect of sitting in darkness was not by any means an agreeable one the only remedy was to order another gallon something was wrong that was clear the oil had never been burned that evening myself and husband talked over the matter and both of us came to the conclusion that it would never do the evil must be remedied a gallon of oil must not again disappear in four days why said my husband it ought to last us at least a week and a half not quite so long I replied we burn a gallon a week not fairly I'm inclined to think but four days is out of all conscience I readily assented to this adding some tried remark about the unconscionablefulness of domestics on the next morning as my husband arose from bed he shivered in the chilly air saying as he did so that girls let the fire go out again in the heater isn't it too bad this thing happens now every little while I'm sure I've said enough to her about it there's nothing wanted but a little attention it's too bad indeed I added there's that fishy smell again exclaimed Mr. Smith what can it be fishy smell so there it is did you get any mackerel from the store yesterday none perhaps Hannah ordered some no I had a ham sent home and told her to have a slice of that broiled for breakfast I don't know what to make of it every now and then that same smell comes up through the register particularly in the morning there's some old fish tub in the cellar of which she's made kindling that may be it said I and for want of a better reason we agreed for the time being upon that hypothesis at the end of another four days word came up that our best sperm oil for which we paid a dollar and forty cents a gallon was out again impossible I ejaculated but it is mum said Hannah there's not a description left not so much as a full of a thimble you must be mistaken a gallon of oil has never been burned in this house in four days we burned the other gallon in four days said Hannah with provoking coolness the evenings are very long and we have a great many lights there's the parlor light and the passage light and the it's no use for you to talk Hannah I replied interrupting her no use in the world a gallon of oil in four days has never gone by fair means in this house so don't try to make me believe it for I won't I'm too old a housekeeper for that finding that I was not to be convinced Hannah became angry and said something about her not being a thief I was unmoved by this however and told her with as much sternness of manner as I could assume that I should hold her responsible for any future waste of the article and that if she did not feel inclined to remain on such terms she had better go date thin and I'll go to Ernst was a girl's spirited answer very well Hannah you are your own mistress in this respect said I coolly I'm not in the least troubled about filling your place nor fearful of getting one who will waste a gallon of oil in four days Hannah retired from my presence in high indignation and I fully expected that she would desert my house forthwith but no unlike some others of her class she knew when she had a good place and had sense enough to keep it as long as she could stay in due time she cooled off and I heard no more about her getting another place there's that fishy smell again exclaimed my husband as he rose up in bed one morning a day or two afterwards and snuffed the air and as I live the fire the heater is all out again I'll have some light on this subject see if I don't and he sprung up on the floor at the same time hurriedly putting on his dressing gown and a pair of slippers where are you going said I seeing him moving towards the door to find out where this fishy smell comes from he replied disappearing as he spoke in about five minutes Mr. Smith returned well if that don't beat all he exclaimed as he re-entered the chamber what I very naturally inquired I found out all about that fishy smell said he what about it where does it come from you wouldn't guess in a month of Sundays while this is a great world live and learn explain yourself Mr. Smith I'm all impatient I will and in a few words the fire was out in the heater yes and I very naturally took my way down to where I expected to find our lady at work in their kindling process well sure enough there she was kindling the fire with a vengeance with what I asked with a vengeance yes with a vengeance to my pocket she had the oil can in her hands and was pouring its contents freely into the furnace in order to quicken combustion I now understand all about this fishy smell and I all about the remarkable disappearance of a gallon of oil in four days kindling the fire with a dollar and forty cent oil even so what did you say to her Mr. Smith nothing but I rather think she'll not want me to look at her again the hussy kindling fire with my best sperm oil I can't get over that something in this wise I continued to ejaculate now and then until my astonishment fairly wore itself out I didn't consider it worthwhile to see anything to Hannah when I went downstairs thinking it best to let the look my husband spoke of do its work by the way I don't much wonder that she was frightened at his look for he can but I forgot I'm speaking of my husband and he might happen to read this of course Hannah's days in my house were numbered no faith was to be placed in a creature who could so shamefully destroy a useful article placed in her hands if she would burn up the oil it was but fair to infer that she would as remorselessly make away with other things so I parted with her she begged me to let her stay and made all sorts of promises but I was immovable whether I bettered myself in the change is somewhat doubtful end of chapter 3 chapter 4 cheap furniture of trials and confessions of a housekeeper this is a LibriVox recording while LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org trials and confessions of a housekeeper by T.S. Arthur chapter 4 cheap furniture one of the cardinal virtues at least for housekeepers who are not overburdened in the matter of income is economy in the early part of our married life Mr. Smith and myself were forced to the practice of this virtue or incur debt of which both of us had a natural horror for a few years we lived in the plain style with which we had begun the world but when our circumstances improved we very naturally desired to improve the appearance of things in our household our cane seed chairs and ingrain carpet looked less and less attractive every day and when we went out to spend an evening socially with our friends the contrast between home and abroad was strikingly apparent to our minds I think said Mr. Smith to me one day that it is time we refurnished our parlours if you can afford the outlay I remarked it won't cost a great deal he returned not over three hundred dollars said I Mr. Smith shook his head as he answered half that some ought to be sufficient what will we want a dozen mahogany chairs to begin with replied there will be sixty dollars we don't expect to pay five dollars a piece for chairs said my husband in a tone of surprise I don't think you can get good ones for less indeed we can I was looking at a very handsome set yesterday and the man only asked four dollars for them and I could get them for three and a half and a dear bargain you could make of that I do not in the least doubt it is poor economy Mr. Smith to buy cheap furniture it costs a great deal more in the end than good furniture and never gives you any satisfaction but these were good chairs Jane as good as I would wish to look at the man said they were from one of the best shops in the city and have superior workmanship and finish as I make it a point never to prolong an argument with my husband when I see his mind bent in one direction I did not urge my view of the case any farther it was settled however that we could afford to refurnish our parlors in a better style and that in the course of the coming week we should go out together and select a Brussels carpet a sofa a dozen mahogany chairs a center table and etc as I had foreseen from the beginning my husband's ideas of economy were destined to mar everything at one of the cabinet where rooms was a very neat well-made set of chairs for which five dollars and a half were asked but which the dealer is seeing that he was beyond our mark offered for five dollars they were cheap at that price but Mr. Smith could not see that they were a bit better than the set of chairs just mentioned four dollars and which he was satisfied could be bought for three and a half so I went with him to look at them they proved to be showy enough if that were any recommendation but had a common look in my eyes they were not to be compared with the set we had just been examining now are they not very beautiful Jane said my husband to me they are quite as handsome as 60 dollars for from this I could not but dissent seeing which the cunning dealer came quickly to my husband's side of the question with various convincing arguments among the strongest of which was an abatement in the price of the chairs he's seeing it to be for his interest to offer them for three dollars and three quarters apiece I'll give you three and a half said Mr. Smith promptly to little that sir returned the dealer I don't make a cent on them at three and three quarters they are fully equal in every respect to the chairs you were offered at five dollars I know the manufacturer and have had his articles often say three and a half and it's a bargain was the only reply made to this by my economical husband I was greatly in hopes that the man would decline this offer disappointed he hesitated for some time and at last said well I don't care take them along though it is throwing them away such a bargain you will never get again if you live to be as old as Methuselah but now don't you want something else I can sell you cheaper and better articles in the furniture line than you can get in the city small profits into quick sales I go in for the nimble sixpence my husband was in the sphere of attraction and I saw that it would take a stronger effort on my part to draw him out than I wished to make so I yielded with as good a grace as possible and ate it in the selection of a cheap sofa a cheap overgrown center table and two or three other articles that were almost thrown away well our parlor was fresh with its new dress in good time and made quite a respectable appearance Mr. Smith was delighted with everything the more particularly as the cost had been so moderate I had my own thoughts on the subject and looked very confidently for some evidences of imperfection in our great bargains I was not very long kept in suspense one morning about two weeks after all had been fitted out so elegantly while engaged in dusting the chairs a part of the mahogany ornament in the back of one of them fell off on the next day another showed the same evidence of imperfect workmanship a few evenings afterwards as we sat at the center table one of our children leaned on it rather heavily when there was a sudden crack and the side upon which he was bearing his weight swayed down the distance of half an inch or more the next untoward event was the dropping of one of its feet by the sofa and the warping up of a large piece of veneering back while lamenting over this we discovered a broken spring ready to make its way through the hair cloth covering so much for cheap furniture said I in a tone of involuntary triumph my husband looked at me half reproachfully and so I said no more it was now needful to send for a cabinet maker and submit our sofa and chairs to his handy workmanship he quickly discovered other imperfections and gave us the consoling information that our fine furniture was little above fourth rate in quality and dear at any price a ten dollar bill was required to pay the damage they had already sustained even under our careful hands a more striking evidence of our falling buying cheap furniture was however yet to come an intimate friend came in one evening to sit a few hours with us after conversing for a time both he and my husband took up books and commenced reading while I availed myself of the opportunity to write a brief letter our visitor who was a pretty stout man had the bad fault of leaning back in his chair and balancing himself on his hind legs an experiment most trying to the best mahogany chairs that were ever made we were all sitting around the center table in which burned a tall astral lamp and I was getting absorbed in my letter when suddenly there was a loud crash followed by the breaking of the table from its center and the pitching over of the astral lamp which in falling just grazed my side and went down oil and all upon our new carpet an instant more and we were in total darkness but ere the light went out a glance had revealed a scene that I shall never forget our visitor whose weight as he tried his usual balancing experiment had caused the slender legs of his chair to snap off short had fallen backwards in trying to save himself he had caught at the table and wrenched that from its center fastening startled by the sudden catastrophe my husband had sprung to his feet grasping his chair with intent of drawing it away and it came off in his hand I saw all this at a single glance and then we were shrouded in darkness of the scene that followed I will not speak my lady readers can without any effort of the mind imagine something of its unpleasant reality as for our visitor when lights were brought in he was nowhere to be seen I have a faint recollection of having heard the street door shut amid the confusion that the next seat of the incident just described about a week afterwards the whole of our cheap furniture was sent to auction where it brought less than half its first cost it was then replaced with good articles by good workmen at a fair price not one of which has cost us to this day a single cent for repairs a housekeeping friend of mine committed not long since a similar error he gave her a couple of hundred dollars for refurnishing purposes but as his business absorbed nearly all of his time and thoughts he left with her the selection of the new articles that were to beautify their parlours and chambers merely saying to her let what you get be good it is cheapest in the end well my friend had set her heart on a dozen chairs and use sofa centre table and what not for her parlours a dressing-bureau, mahogany bed-stead and wash-stand for her chamber besides a new chamber carpet her first visit was to the wear-rooms of one of our best cabinet-makers but his prices completely frightened her for at his rate the articles she wanted would amount to more than all the money she had to spend and leave nothing for the new chambered carpet I must buy cheaper said she the cheapest is generally dearest in the end returned the cabinet-maker I don't know about that remarked the lady whose thoughts did not take in the meaning of the man's words all I know is that I can get as good articles as I desire at lower prices than you ask it did not once occur to my friend that it would be wisest to lessen the number of articles and get the remainder of the first quality no, her heart covered the whole inventory at first made out and nothing less would answer so she went an auction-store and bought inferior articles at lower prices I visited her soon after she showed me her bargains and with an air of exaltation spoke of the cost what do you think I paid for this said she referring to a showy dressing-bureau and as she spoke she took hold of the suspended looking-glass and moved the upper portion of it forward only $17 the words had scarcely passed her lips there the looking-glass broke away from one of the screws that held it in the standards and fell crashing at our feet it cost just $7 to replace a glass but that was not all over $30 were paid during the first year for repairs and this was only the beginning of troubles cheap furniture is in most cases the dearest that housekeepers can buy it is always breaking and usually costs more in a year or two then the difference between its price and that of first-rate articles to say nothing of the vexation and want of satisfaction that always attends its possession better be content with fewer articles if the purse below and have them good while on this subject I will incorporate in these confessions an experience of my sister and her husband Mr. and Mrs. John Jones Mr. Jones is in some respects very much like Mr. Smith and as will be seen on this story about to be given my sister's ideas of things and my own run quite parallel to each other the story has found its way elsewhere into print for Mr. Jones like myself has a natural fondness for types but its repetition here will do no harm and bring it before many who would not otherwise see it end of chapter 4 chapter 5 is it economy of trials and confessions of a housekeeper this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org trials and confessions of a housekeeper by T.S. author chapter 5 is it economy the experience of my relative Mr. John Jones refer to in the preceding chapter is given in what follows after reading it we think that few young housekeepers will commit the folly of indulging to any very great extent in cheap furniture we had been married five years and during the time had bordered for economy's sake but the addition of one after another to our family admonished us that it was getting time to enlarge our borders and so we were determined to go to housekeeping in matters of domestic economy both my wife and myself were a little green but I think that I was the greenest of the two to get a house was our first concern and to select furniture was our next the house was found after two months diligence search and at the expense of a good deal of precious shoe leather save me from another siege at house hunting I would about as soon undertake to build a suitable dwelling with my own hands as to find one exactly the thing already up and waiting with open doors for a tenant all the really desirable houses that we found ticketed to let were at least two prices above our limit and most of those within our means we would hardly have lived in rent free at last however we found a cozy little nest of a house just built and clean and neat as a new pin from top to bottom it suited us to a tee and now came the next most important business selecting furniture my wife's ideas had always been a little in advance of mine that is she liked to have everything of the best quality and had the weakness so to speak of desiring to make an appearance as my income at the time was but moderate in the prospect of an increase thereof not very flattering I felt like being exceedingly prudent in all outlays for furniture we must be content with things few and plain said I as we sat down one morning to figure out what we must get but let them be good said my wife strong and substantial was my reply but we can't afford to pay for much extra polish and filigree work I don't want anything very extra Mr. Jones returned my wife a little uneasily though what I do have I would like good it's no economy in the end to buy cheap things the emphasis on the word cheap rather graded on my year for I was in favor of getting everything as cheap as possible what kind of chairs do you think of getting? asked Mrs. Jones a handsome set of cane seat I replied thinking that in this at least I would be even with her ideas on the subject of parlor chairs but her face did not brighten what would you like? said I I believe it would be more economical in the end to get good stuffed seat mahogany chairs replied Mrs. Jones at five dollars a piece Ellen? yes even at five dollars a piece they would last us our lifetime while cane seat chairs if we get them we'll have to be renewed two or three times and cost a great deal more in the end without being half so comfortable or looking half so well sixty dollars for a dozen chairs when very good ones can be had for twenty four dollars indeed Ellen we mustn't think of such a thing we can't afford it remember there are a great many other things to buy I know dear but I'm sure it will be much more economical in the end for us to diminish the number of articles and add to the quality of what we do have I am very much like the poor woman who preferred a cup of clear strong fragrant coffee three times a week to a decoction of burnt rye every day what I have I do like good and so do I Ellen but as I said before there will be, diminish as we may a great many things to buy and we must have a cost of each as small as possible we must not think of such extravagance as mahogany chairs now at some other time we may get them my wife here gave up the point and what I thought a little remarkable made no more points on the subject of furniture I had everything my own way I bought cheap to my heart's content it was only necessary for me to express my approval of an article for her to assent its purchase as to patronizing your fashionable made makers and high priced upholsterers we were not guilty of the folly but bought at reasonable rates from auction stores and at public sales our parlor carpets cost but ninety cents a yard and were handsomer than those for which a lady of our quintance paid a dollar and thirty-eight our chairs were of a neat fancy pattern and had cost thirty dollars a dozen we had hesitated for some time between a set of twenty-four dollars a dozen in these while being so much more attractive we had let our taste govern in the selection the price of our sofa was eighteen dollars and I thought it a really genteel affair but my wife was not in raptures about it a pair of car tables for fifteen dollars and a marble top center table for fourteen gave our parlors quite a handsome appearance I wouldn't ask anything more comfortable or genteel than this said I when the parlors were all fixed right pleased with the appearance of things but did not express herself extravagantly in selecting our chamber furniture a handsome dressing bureau and french bedstead that my wife went to look at in the were-room of a high priced cabinet maker tempted her strongly and it was with some difficulty that I could get her ideas back to a regular maple floor poster a plain ten dollar bureau and a two dollar dressing glass twenty and thirty dollar mattresses too articles of the kind just as good to wear could be had at eight and ten dollars where was the use of wasting money in going higher the ratio of cost sat down against the foregoing articles was maintained from Garrett to kitchen and I was agreeably disappointed to find after the last bill for purchases was paid that I was within the limit of expenditures I had proposed to make by over a hundred dollars the change from a boarding house to a comfortable home was indeed pleasant we could never get done talking about it everything was so quiet so new so clean and so orderly this is living would drop from our lips a dozen times a week one day about three months after we had commenced housekeeping I came home and on entering the parlor the first thing that met my eyes was a large spot of white on the new sofa a piece of the veneering had been knocked off completely disfiguring it what did that I asked of my wife in setting back a chair that I had dusted she replied one of the feet touched the sofa lightly when off-trop that veneer like a loose flake I have been examining the sofa sins and find that it is a very bad piece of work just look here and she drew me over to the place where my 18 dollar sofa stood and pointed out sundry large seams that had gaped open loose spots in the veneering and rickety joints I saw now what I had not before seen that the whole article was a exceedingly common material and common workmanship a miserable piece of furniture said I it is indeed returned mrs. Jones to buy an article like this is little better than throwing money into the street for a month the disfigured sofa remained in the parlor a perfect I saw when another piece of the veneering slowed off and one of the feet became loose it was then sent to a cabinet maker for repair and cost for removing and mending just five dollars not long after this the bureau had to take a like journey for it had strangely enough fallen into sudden dilapidation all the locks were out of order half the knobs were off there was not a drawer that didn't require the most accurate balancing of forces in order to get it shut after it was once opened and it showed premonitory symptoms of shutting its skin like a snake a five dollar bill was expended in putting this into something like usable order and respectable aspect by this time a new set of casters were needed for the maple foreposter which was obtained at the expense of two dollars moreover the headboard to set foreposter which from its exceeding ugliness had from the first veneer terrible I saw to mrs. Jones as to myself was about this period removed and one of the more slightly apparent substituted at the additional charge of six dollars no taster frame had accompanied the cheap bedstead at its original purchase and now my wife wished to have one and also a light curtain above and valence below all these with trimmings etc. to match cost the round some of ten dollars it looks very neat said mrs. Jones after her curtains were up indeed said I still returned to mrs. Jones I would much rather have had a handsome ahogany french bedstead so would I was my answer but you know they cost some 30 dollars and we paid about 16 for this 16 said my wife turning quickly toward me it cost more than that oh no I have the bill in my desk was my confident answer 16 was originally paid I know said mrs. Jones but then remember what it has cost since two dollars for casters six for a new headboard and ten for taster and curtains 34 dollars in all when a very handsome french bedstead of good workmanship can be bought for 30 dollars I must own that I was taken somewhat aback by this array of figures that don't lie and for 20 dollars we could have bought a neat well made dressing bureau at more encampments that lasted for twice as many years and always looked in credit but ours you know only cost 10 said I the bureau such as it is cost 10 and the glass too add five that we have already paid for repairs and the four that our maple bedstead has cost above the price of a handsome french one and we will have the sum of 21 dollars enough to purchase this handsome dressing bureau as I would ask so you see mrs. Jones cheap furniture is not going to turn out so cheap after all and as for looks why no one can say there is much to brag of this was a new view of the case and certainly one not very flattering to my economical vanity I gave in of course and admitted that mrs. Jones was right but the dilapidations and expenses for repairs to which I have just referred were bought as the beginning of sorrows it took about three years to show the fruits of my error by the end of that time half my parlor chairs had been rendered useless in consequence of the back breaking and seat renting or deals through which they had been called to pass the sofa was unanimously condemned to the dining room and the 90 cent carpet had gone on fading and defacing until my wife said she was ashamed to put it even on her chambers for repairs our furniture had cost up to this period to say nothing of the perpetual annoyance of having it put out of order and running for the cabinet maker and upholsterer not less than a couple of hundred dollars finally I grew desperate I'll have decent well made furniture let it cost what it will said item mrs. Jones you will find it cheapest in the end was her quiet reply on the next day we went to a cabinet maker whose reputation for good work stood among the highest in the city and ordered new parlor and chamber mahogany chairs french bedstead dressing bureau and all and as soon as they came home cleared the house of all the old cheap dear trash with which we had been worried since the day we commenced housekeeping a good many years have passed since and we have not paid the first five dollar bill for repairs all the drawers run as smoothly as railroad cars knobs are tight locks in prime order and veneers cling us tightly to their places as if they had grown better all is right and tight and wears an orderly genteel appearance and what is best of all the cost of everything we have good as it is is far below the real cost of what is inferior it is better much better said item mrs. Jones the other day better was her reply yes indeed a thousand times better to have good things at once cheap furniture is dearest in the end every housekeeper ought to know this in the beginning if we had known it see what we would have saved if I had known it you mean said I my wife looked kindly not triumphantly into my face and smiled when she again spoke it was on another subject end of chapter 5 chapter 6 living at a convenient distance of trials and confessions of a housekeeper this is a lipper vox recording all lipper vox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit lippervox.org trials and confessions of a housekeeper by ts arthur chapter 6 living at a convenient distance there are few of us who do not feel at some time in life the desire for change indeed change of place corresponding as it does in outward nature to change of state of mind it is not at all surprising that we should now and then feel a strong desire to remove from the old and get into new locations and emit different external associations thus we find in many families an ever recurring tendency to removal indeed I have some housekeeping friends who are rarely to be found in the same house or in the same part of the city in any two consecutive years three moves franklin used to say to a fire there are some to whom I could point who have been if this holds true as good as burned out three or four times in the last ten years but I must not write too long a preface to my present story Mr. Smith and myself cannot boast of larger organs of inhabitativeness I believe that is the word used by phrenologists and many of our neighbors occasionally we have felt dissatisfied with the state of things around us and become possessed of the demon of change we have moved quite frequently sometimes attaining superior comfort and sometimes getting rather the worst of it for the change a few years ago in the early spring time Mr. Smith said to me one day I noticed in writing out yesterday a very pleasant country house on the frankford road to let and it struck me that it would be a fine thing for us both as to health and comfort to rent it for the summer season what do you think of it I always loved the country you know was my response my heart had leapt at the proposition it is such a convenient distance from the city said Mr. Smith how far about four miles do the stages pass frequently every half hour and the fare is only twelve and a half cents so low that is certainly an inducement yes it is suppose we go out and look at the house very well said I and then we talked over the pleasures and advantage that would result from your residence in the country at such a convenient distance from the city on the next day we went to look at the place and found much both in the house and grounds to attract us there was a fine shaded lawn and garden with a stalk of small and large fruit what a delightful place for the children I exclaimed and at such a convenient distance from the city said my husband I can go in and out to business and scarcely miss the time but do you think you would like the country oh yes I've always loved the country we can move back into the city when the summer closes said Mr. Smith why not remain here permanently it will be too expensive to keep both a city and country house it will be too dreary through the winter I don't think so I always feel cheerful in the country and then you know the house is at such a convenient distance and the stages pass the door at every half hour she can get to business as easily as if we resided in the city I was in the mood for a change and so it happened was Mr. Smith the more we thought and talked about the matters the more inclined were we to break up in the city and go permanently to the country and finally we resolved to try the experiment so the pleasant country house was taken and the town house given up and in due time we took our flight to where nature had just carpeted the earth in freshest green and caused the buds to expand and the trees of the forest to clothe themselves in verdure how pleasant was everything a gardener had been employed to put the garden and lawn in order and soon we were delighted to see the first shoots from seeds that had been planted making their way through the ground to me all was delightful I felt almost as lighthearted as a child and never tired of expressing my pleasure at the change come and see us said I to one city friend and another on meeting them we're in the most delightful place and at such a convenient distance from the city just get into the frankfort omnibus which starts from halls in 2nd street above market every half hour and you will come to our very door and I shall be so delighted to have a visit from you in moving from the city I took with me two good domestics who had lived in my family for over a year each had expressed herself as delighted at the prospect of getting into the country and I was delighted to think they were so well satisfied for I had feared less they would be disinclined to accompany us about a month after our removal one of them who had looked dissatisfied about something came to me and said I want to go back to the city missus smith I don't like living in the country very well I replied you must do as you please but I thought you prefer this to the city I thought I would like it but I don't it's too lonesome I did not persuade her to stay that error I had once or twice error this fallen into and learned to avoid it in future so she went back to the city and I was left with a single girl three days only lapsed before this one announced her intended departure but you will stay said I until I can get someone in your place my week will be up on Saturday was replied can you get a group by that time that leaves me only two days Mary I'm afraid not Mary looked unamiable enough at this answer who said no more to each other in the afternoon I went to the city to find a domestic if possible but returned unsuccessful Saturday came and to my surprise in trouble Mary persisted in going away so I was left with my family of six persons without any domestic at all Sunday proved to me anything but a day of rest after washing and dressing the children preparing breakfast clearing away the table making the beds and putting the house to order I said about getting dinner this meal furnished and eaten and dishes washed and put away I found myself not only completely tired out by suffering from a most dreadful headache I was lying down about four o'clock in a half-wakey and sleeping state with my head a little easier when my husband who was sitting by the window exclaimed if there isn't Mr. and Mrs. Peters and their three children getting out of the stage not coming here said I starting up in bed while at the same moment I returned with a throbbing intensity that almost blinded me yes coming here replied Mr. Smith how unfortunate came from my lips as I clasped my hands to my temples now Mr. and Mrs. Peters were people for whom we had no particular friendship we visited each other scarcely once a year and had never reciprocated an evening to tea true I had on the occasion of meeting Mrs. Peters about a week before while dropping in the city said to her while praising my new country home you must come and see me sometimes during the summer the invitation was intended as a compliment more than anything else I didn't particularly care about a visit from her and certainly had no idea that she would take me at my word so much for insincerity go down and ask them into the parlor said I to Mr. Smith I will dress myself and join you know little while in about half an hour I left my room feeling really quite unwell I found my visitors walking in the garden and their children ranging about like wild cults to the particular detriment of choice shrubbery in garden beds oh what a delightful place exclaimed Mrs. Peters on my meeting her I really envy you you see that I have accepted your very kind invitation I said to my husband today says I wouldn't it be nice to make the guests a visit this afternoon they live at such a convenient distance and it will be such a treat to the children well just as you like said Mr. Peters and so as soon as dinner was over we got ready and came out oh I'm delighted what a sweet spot you have chosen I shall come and see you often and thus she run on while I smiled and responded with all due politeness and to a certain extent hypocritical pretence of pleasure at the visit they had come to spend the afternoon and take tea with us of course and as the last stage went by at 7 o'clock I was soon under the necessity of leaving my guests in order to engage in certain preliminary acts that looked towards an early supper oh how my head did throb and with what an effort did I drag my weary feet about but the longest trial the most painful ordeal has an end and the end of this came at length our visitors after spending a few hours and being ready to serve fruit tea took their departure assuring us as they did so but they had spent a delightful afternoon and would be certain to come again soon two whole weeks elapsed before I succeeded in getting a girl and six times during that period we had friends out from the city to take tea with us and one young lady spent three whole days when the season of fruits came as we had a few apple and pear trees besides a strawberry bed and a fond row of raspberry bushes our city friends especially those who had children were even more particular in their attentions our own children we could make understand the propriety of leaving the small fruit to be picked for table use so that all could it share in its enjoyment but visitors children comprehended nothing of this and rifled our beds and bushes so constantly that although they would have given our table a fair supply of berries in the season we would never once could get enough to be worth using we were forced to purchase our fruit in the city after a destructive visitation of this nature during strawberry time I said to Mr. Smith as he was leaving for the city one morning I wish you would take a small basket with you and bring out two or three quarts of strawberries for tea I've only tasted them once or twice and it's hopeless to think of getting any from our garden well when Mr. Smith came home with his two or three quarts of strawberries women and children, visitors from the city to partake of them of course our own children who had been promised strawberries at tea time and who had been looking for them didn't get a taste and thus it happened over and over again as the weather grew warmer and warmer particular friends and we were glad to see and friends so called into whose houses we had rarely ever ventured came out to get a mouth full of fresh air and to see something green we lived at such a convenient distance that it was no trouble at all to run out and look at us twice again during the summer I was left without a single domestic girls didn't like to leave the city where they had been used to meeting their acquaintances every few days and therefore it was hard to retain them so it went on I had poor help and was overrun with company at such a rate that I was completely worn out I rarely heard the rumble of the approaching stage that I did not get nervous Early in August Mr. Smith said to me one evening after returning from the city on that very morning a family of four had left me after staying three days I met Mr. Gray this afternoon and he told me that they were coming out to see you tomorrow that he was going away for a while and his wife thought that it would be such a pleasant time to redeem her promise of making you a visit oh dear what next I exclaimed an indistressed voice is there to be no end to this not before frost I presume return Mr. Smith meaningly I wish frost would come along quickly then but how long is Mr. Gray going to be absent from home he didn't say and we're to have his whole family I suppose during his absence doubtless well I call that taxing hospitality and good feeling a little too far I don't want them here convenience to ourselves besides my health is poor but all my feelings of repugnance were of no veil as I was sitting on the next day by a window that overlooked the road I saw the stage draw up an issue there from Mr. Jones, Mrs. Jones servant and five children two of the latter twin babies they had boxes, carpet bags, bundles, etc indicating a prolonged sojourn and one little boy dragged after him a pet dog that came also to honor us with a visit down to meet them at the door with as good a grace as possible I hurried words of welcome and pleasure were on my tongue though I am not sure that my face did not belie my utterance but they were all too pleased to get into our snug country quarters to perceive any drawback in their reception I will not describe my experience during the next three weeks for Mr. Gray took the tour of the lakes before returning and was gone for three weeks leaving his family to our care for the whole time heaven be praised that is over was my exclamation when I saw the stage move off that bore them from our door frosted length came and with it expired the visiting season we were still at a convenient distance from the city but our friends all at once seemed to have forgotten us you are not going to move back now so to friend him surprised to whom I mentioned in the following march our intention to return to the city yes I replied just as spring is about opening why surely after passing the dreary winter in the country you will not come to the hot and dusty town to spend the summer you are at such a convenient distance too and your friends can visit you so easily yes the distance was convenient and we had learned to appreciate that advantage but back to the city we removed and when next we venture to the country we'll take good care to get beyond the convenient distance end of chapter 6 chapter 7 the picked up dinner of trials and confessions of a housekeeper this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org trials and confessions of a housekeeper by T.S. Arthur chapter 7 the picked up dinner it was washing day that day of all days in the week most dreaded by housekeepers we had a poor breakfast of course cook had to help with the washing and as washing was the important thing for the day everything else was doomed to suffer the wash kettle was to her a greater moment than the tea kettle or coffee pot and the boiling of wash water first in consideration compared with broiling the steak the breakfast bell rung nearly half an hour later than usual as I entered the dining room I saw that nearly everything was in disorder and that the table was a little over half set scarcely had I taken my seat ere the bell was in my hand there's no sugar on the table kitty these were my words as the girl entered in obedience to my summons oh I forgot she ejaculated and hurriedly supplied danglingling went to my bell ere she had reached the kitchen there's no knife and fork for the steak said I as kitty reappeared the knife and fork were furnished but not with a very amiable grace what's the matter with this coffee asked Mr. Smith after sipping a spoonful or two it's got a queer taste I'm sure I don't know it was plain that I was going to have another trying day and I began to think another trying day and I began to feel a little worried my reply was not therefore made in a very composed voice Mr. Smith continued to sip his coffee with a spoon and a taste of the liquid doubtingly at length he pushed his cup from him saying it's no use I can't drink that I wish you would just taste it I do believe kitty has dropped a piece of soap into the coffee pot by this time I had turned out a cup of the fluid for myself and proceeded to try its quality it certainly had a queer taste but as to the substance to which it was indebted for its peculiar flavour I was in total ignorance my husband insisted that it was soap I thought differently but we made no argument on the subject the steak was found on trial to be burned so badly that it was not fit to be eaten and my husband to make his meal of bread and butter and cold water as for myself the spoiling of our breakfast for no good reason completely destroyed both my appetite and my temper you'd better get your dinner at an eating-house Mr. Smith said I as he arose from the table it's washing day and we shall have nothing comfortable things will be no more comfortable for you than for me was kindly replied by my husband we shall only have a picked up dinner said I I like a good picked up dinner answered Mr. Smith there is something so out of the ordinary routine of ribs, loins and stir-loins something so comfortable and independent about it no you cannot eat your picked up dinner alone drop the word good from your description and the picked up dinner will be altogether another affair said I no don't come home today if you please for everything Mr. Smith promises to be most uncomfortable get yourself a good dinner at an eating-house and leave me to go through the day as well as I can and you are really in earnest said my husband seriously I certainly am was my reply entirely in earnest so just oblige me by not coming home to dinner Mr. Smith promised and there was so much off of my mind I could not let him come home without seeing that he had a good dinner almost anything would do for me and the children in some things I am compelled to say that my husband is a little uncertain his memory is not always to be depended on deeply absorbed in his business as he was at that time he frequently let things of minor importance pass from his thoughts altogether so it happened on the present occasion he forgot that it was washing day and that he had promised to dine downtown punctually at half past one he left his place of business as usual and took his way homeward as he walked along he met an old friend who lived in a neighboring town and who was on a visit to our city why Mr. Jones how glad I am to see you when did you arrive and my husband grasped the hand of his friend eagerly came in last evening replied Mr. Jones how well you look Smith how is your family well very well when do you leave by this afternoon's line so soon you make no stay at all I came on business and must go back again with as little delay as possible then you must go and dine with me Jones I won't take no for an answer wanted to have a long talk with you about old times thank you Mr. Smith replied Jones but as I don't happen to know you're a good lady I hardly feel free to accept your invitation don't hesitate for that she'll be delighted to see you always glad to meet any of my old friends so come along I have a dozen things to say to you I'm really afraid of intruding on your wife said Mr. Jones still holding back from the invitation nonsense answer to my husband my friends are hers she will be delighted to see you I've talked a few to her a hundred times at this Mr. Jones yielded I can't promise you anything extra said Mr. Smith as they walked along nothing more than a good plain family dinner welcome all I could ask her desire returned Mr. Jones it was a few minutes to a club the bell had rung for dinner and I was just rising to go to the dining room when I heard the street door open and the sound of my husband's voice in the passage there wasn't a man in company with him for I distinctly heard the tread of a pair of feet what could this mean I remained seated listening with attention my husband entered the parlor with his companion talking in a cheerful animated strain and I heard him pull up the blinds and throw up in the shutters presently he came tripping lightly up the stairs to my sitting room I brought a friend home to dinner Jane said he as coolly and as confidently as if it were not washing day and as if he had not told me on going out that he would done at an eating house this was a little too much for my patience and forbearance are you beside yourself Mr. Smith I replied my face instantly becoming flushed and my eyes glancing out upon him the sudden indignation I felt at such treatment my Jane Jane this is not kind in you said my husband with regret and displeasure in his voice it is rather hard if a man can't ask an old friend home to dine with him once in five years for the special permission of his wife Mr. Smith are you not aware that this is washing day there was an instant change in my husband's countenance he seemed bewildered for a few moments and moreover I continued are you not aware that I was to have a picked up dinner at home and that you were to dine at an eating house I declare Mr. Smith struck his hands together and turned around once upon his cue I entirely forgot about that what's to be done said I almost crying with vexation I have nothing for dinner but fried ham and eggs the best we can do is the best return Mr. Smith you can give Mr. Jones a hearty welcome and that will compensate for any defects in the dinner I forewarned him that we should not entertain him very sumptuously you'd better tell him the whole truth at once said I in answer to this and then they came to an eating house but my good husband would hear to nothing of this he had invited his old friend to dine with him and dine he must if it was only on a piece of dry bread pick up something do the best you can he returned we can wait for half an hour I have nothing in the house I tell you was my answer made in no very pleasant tones for I felt very much irritated and outraged by my husband's thoughtless conduct there Jane don't get excited about the matter said he soothingly but his words were not like oil to the troubled waters of my spirit I am excited was my response how can I help being so it is too much you should have had more consideration but talking was of no use Mr. Jones was in the parlor and had come to take a family dinner with us so nothing was left but to put a good face on the matter to try and do so dinner's on the table now said I all is there that we can have today so just invite your friend to the dining room where you will find me so saying I took a little fellow by the hand who always eat with us and let him away feeling as my lady readers will very naturally suppose in not the most amiable humor in the world I had just got the child who was pretty hungry seated in his high chair when my husband made their appearance and I was introduced sorry am I to chronicle the fact but truth compels me to make a faithful record that my reception of the stranger was by no means gracious I tried to smile but a smile was such a mockery of my real feelings that every facial muscle refused to play the hypocrite the man was not welcome and it was impossible for me to conceal this a plain family dinner you see said Mr. Smith as we took our places at the meager board we are plain people shall I help you to some of the ham and eggs he tried to smile pleasantly and to seem very much at his ease but the attempt was far from successful I want some don't give him all screamed at the hungry child at my side stretching out his hands towards the poorly supplied dish from which my husband was about supplying our guest my face which was red enough for now became like scarlet a moment longer I remained at the table and then rising up quickly took the impatient child in my arms and carried him screaming from the room I did not return to grace the dinner table with my unattractive presence of what passed particularly between my husband and his friend Mr. Jones who had left his luxurious dinner at the hotel to enjoy a plain family dinner with his old acquaintance I never ventured to make inquiry they did not remain alone at the table nor very long in the house after finishing their frugal meal I have heard since that Mr. Jones has expressed commiseration for my husband as the married partner of a real termigant I don't much wonder at his indifferent opinion for I rather think I must have shown in my face something of the indignant fire that was in me Mr. Smith who was too much in the habit of inviting people home to take a family dinner with him on the spur and committed that error since his mortification was too severe to be easily forgotten End of Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Who is Chris Kringle of the Trials and Confessions of a Housekeeper This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Read by Kehinde Trials and Confessions of a Housekeeper by T. as Arthur Chapter 8 Who is Chris Kringle It was the day before Christmas always a day of restless hopeful excitement among the children and my thoughts were busy as is usual at this season with little plans for increasing the gladness of my happy household The name of the good genius over toys and sugar-plums was often on my lips but often are on the lips of the children Who is Chris Kringle, Mama? I asked a pair of rosy lips close to my ear as I stood at the kitchen table rolling out and cutting cakes I turned at the question and met the earnest gaze of a couple of bright eyes the roguish owner of which had climbed into a chair for the purpose of taking note I kissed the sweet lips but did not answer Say, Mama, who is Chris Kringle? Persevered the little one Why, don't you know? said I, smiling No, Mama, who is he? Why, he is he is Chris Kringle Oh, Mama, say, won't you tell me? Ask Papa when he comes home I returned evasively I never liked deceiving children in anything and he had Christmas after Christmas I have imposed on them the pleasant fiction of Chris Kringle without suffering very severe pangs of conscience Dear little creatures how fully they believed at first the story how soberly and confidingly they hung their stockings in the chimney corner with what faith and joy there many gifts on the never-to-be-forgotten Christmas morning Yes, it is a pleasant fiction and if there be in it a leave and a wrong it is indeed a small portion But why won't you tell me, Mama? persisted my little interrogator Don't you know, Chris Kringle? I never saw him, dear said I Has Papa seen him? Ask him when he comes home I wish Chrisy would bring me Oh, such an elegant carriage and four horses with a driver that could get down and go up again If I see him I'll tell him to bring you just such a nice carriage And will he do it, Mama? The dear child clapped his hands together with delight I guess so I wish I could see him he said soberly and thoughtfully and then as if some new impression had crossed his mind he hastened down from the chair and went gliding from the room Half an hour afterwards as I came into the nursery I saw my three olive branches clustered together in a corner holding grave counsel on some subject of importance at least to themselves They became silent at my presence but soon began to talk aloud I listened to a few words but perceived nothing of particular concern then turned my thoughts away Who is Chris Kringle, Papa? I heard my cherry-lipped boy asking of Mr. Smith soon after he came home in the evening The answer I did not hear enough that the inquirer did not appear satisfied therewith At tea time I did not in very good appetite though in fine spirits As soon as the evening meal was over Mr. Smith went out to buy presents for our little ones while I took upon myself the task of getting them off early to bed A Christmas tree had been obtained during the day and it stood in one of the parlours on a table Into this parlor the good genius was to descend during the night and hang on the branches of the tree or leave upon the table his gifts for the children This was our arrangement The little ones expressed some doubts as to whether Chris Kringle would come to this particular room and little cherry-lips couldn't just see how the genius was going to get down the chimney when the fireplace was closed up Never mind love Chris will find his way here was my answer to all objections But how do you know mother have you sent him word Oh I know Thus I put aside their inquiries and heard them off to bed Now go to sleep right quickly said I after they were snugly under their warm blankets and comforts and tomorrow morning be up right and early and so I left them to their peaceful slumbers An hour it was or more air Mr. Smith returned with his pockets well laden I was in the parlor where we had placed the Christmas tree engaged in decorating it with rosettes sugar toys and the like at this work I had been some fifteen or twenty minutes and had I will own become a little nervous my domestic had gone out and I was alone in the house once or twice as I sat in the silent room I imagined that I heard a movement in the one adjoining and several times I was sure that my ear detected something like the smothered breathing of a man all imagination said I to myself but again and again the same sounds stirred upon the silent air could there be a robber concealed in the next room the thought made me shudder I was afraid to move from where I sat what a relief when I heard my husband skin the door followed by the sound of his well known tread in the passage my fears vanished in a moment as Mr. Smith stood near me in the act of unloading his pockets he bent close to my ear and whispered well is under the table I caught a glance of his bright eyes just now what? it's true and the other little rogues are in the next room peeping through the door at this very moment I was silent with surprise they're determined to know who Chris Kringle is added my husband then speaking aloud he said come dear I want to show you something up in the dining room I understood Mr. Smith and arose up instantly not so much as glancing towards the partly open folding door we were hardly in the dining room before we heard the light pattering of feet and low smothered tittering on the stairway then all was still and we descended to the parlours again quite as much pleased with what had occurred as the little rogues were themselves I declare really I thought them all sound asleep an hour ago said I on resuming my work of decorating the Christmas tree who could have believed them cunning enough for this it's all Will's doings he'll get through the world I will he returned Mr. Smith oh if you could have seen his face as I saw it just appearing from under the tablecloth his eyes as brightest stars and full of merriment and delight bless his heart he's a dear little fellow how could I help saying this and the others he lost half the pleasure of the whole affair by not seeing them we shall have a frolic with the rogues tomorrow morning I can see the triumph on Will's face I understand now what all their whisperings meant this afternoon they were concocting this plan I couldn't have believed it of them children are curious bodies said Mr. Smith I thought I heard someone in the next room I remarked while you were out and became really nervous for a while I heard the breathing of someone near me also but tried to argue myself into the belief that it was only imagination we conned over the little incident while we arranged the children's toys I know who Chris Kringle is I know was the triumphant affirmation of one and another of the children as we gathered at the breakfast table next morning do you indeed said I trying to look grave yes it is Papa Papa Chris Kringle how can that be oh we know we found out indeed and we made of course a great wonder of this assertion the merry elves what a happy Christmas it was for them ever since they have dated from the time when they found out who Chris Kringle was it is all to no purpose that we pleasantly suggest the possibility of their having dreamed of what they alleged to have occurred under their actual vision they have recorded it in their memories and refer to it as a veritable fact dear children how little they really ask of us to make them happy did we give them but a 20th part of the time we devote to business, care and pleasure how greatly would we promote their good and increase the measure of their enjoyment not alone at Christmas time but all the year should we remember and care for their pleasures for the state of innocent pleasure in children is one in which good affections are implanted and these take root and grow and produce fruit in after life end of chapter 8 who is Chris Kringle recording by Keinde of badreck.com chapter 9 not at home of the trials and confessions of a housekeeper this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org trials and confessions of a housekeeper by T. S. Arthur chapter 9 not at home never but once did I venture upon the utterance of that little white lie not at home and then I was well punished for my weakness and folly it occurred at a time when there were in my family two new inmates a niece from New York and a raw Irish girl that I had taken a few days before on trial my niece Agnes was a young lady in her 19th year the daughter of my brother I had not seen her before since her school girl days and knew little of her character her mother I had always esteemed as a right thinking true hearted woman I was much pleased to have a visit from Agnes and felt drawn toward her more and more every day there was something pure and good about her now Aggie dear said I to her morning after breakfast as we took our work and retired from the dining room to one of the parlours where I was occasionally in the habit of sitting we must so for dear life until dinner time so as to finish these two frocks for the children to wear this evening it isn't right I know to impose on you in this way but you so so quick and neatly and then it will help me through to visit Gerard college with you this afternoon don't speak of it aunt returned Agnes I'm never happier than when employed and besides it's only fair that I should so for you in the morning if you are to go pleasuring with me in the afternoon lightly in the hours flew by passed in cheerful conversation I found that the mind of my knees had been highly cultivated her tastes were refined and her moral sense acute to say that I was pleased with her would but half express what I felt there was to be a juvenile party at the house of one of our acquaintances that evening to which the children were invited and we were at work in preparing dresses and other matters suitable for them to appear in 12 o'clock came very quickly too quickly for me in fact for I had not accomplished near so much as I'd hoped to do it would require the most diligent application through every moment of time that intervened until the dinner hour for us to get through with what we were doing so as to have the afternoon to ourselves for the intended excursion as the clock rung out the hour of noon I exclaimed is it possible I had no idea that it was so late how slowly I do seem to get along just at this moment the bell rung bless me I hope we are not have visitors this morning said I as I let my hands fall in my lap I thought hurriedly for a moment and then remarked in a decided way of course we cannot see anyone we are engaged by this time I heard the footsteps of Mary on her way from the kitchen and I very naturally passed quickly to the parlor door to intercept and give her my instructions say that I am engaged was on my tongue but somehow or other I had not the courage to give these words utterance the visitor might be a person to whom such an excuse for not appearing would seem unkind be an offense in this uncertain state my mind fell into confusion Mary was before me and awaiting the direction she saw that I was about giving say that I am not at home if anyone asks to see me came in a sudden impulse from my lips and then my cheeks flushed to think that I had instructed my servant to give utterance to a falsehood yes ma'am answered the girl glancing into my face with a knowing leer that produced an instant sense of humiliation and the way she went to do my bidding I did not glance towards Agnes as I returned to my seat and took up my work I had not the courage to do this that I had lowered myself in her estimation I felt certain I heard the street door open and bend involuntarily in a listening attitude the voice of a lady uttered my name she is not at home ma'am came distinctly on my ears causing the flush on my cheeks to become still deeper a murmur of voices followed then I heard the closing of the vestibule door and Mary returning to the back parlor where we were sitting who is it Mary? I inquired as the girl entered Mrs. now what was it? sure and I forgotten their names entirely but lack of memory did not long keep me in ignorance as to who were my visitors for as ill luck would have it they had thought themselves with some message they wished to leave and reopening the vestibule door left a jar by Mary followed her along the passage to the room they saw her enter the door of the parlor Mary heard them and turning quickly exclaimed in consternation oh mother a moment she stood confronting in no very graceful attitude a couple of ladies and then escaped to the kitchen here was a scene of embarrassment not among all my acquaintances were there perhaps two persons whom I would have least desired to witness in me such a false the one of which I had been guilty for a little while I knew not what to say I said overcome with mortification at length I arose and set with an effort walk in ladies how are you this morning I'm pleased to see you take chairs my niece Mrs. Williams and Mrs. Glenn I hope you will excuse us we were oh no apologies Mrs. Smith returned one of the ladies with a quiet smile and an air of self-possession pardon this intrusion we understood the servant that you were not at home engaged she meant said I a deeper crimson suffusing my face the fact is we are working for dear life to get the children ready for a party tonight and wish to be excused from seeing anyone certainly all right returned Mrs. Williams I merely came in to say to your domestic I had forgotten it at the door and that my sister expected to leave for her home in New York in a day or two and would call here with me tomorrow afternoon I shall be very happy to see her said I very happy do come in and sit down for a little while if I had only known it was you now that last sentence spoken in embarrassment and mental confusion was only making matters worse it placed me in a false and despicable light before my visitors for in it was the savor of hypocrisy which is foreign to my nature no thank you replied my visitors good morning and they retired leaving me so overcome with shame, mortification confusion and distress that I burst into tears to think that I should have done such a thing was my first remark so soon as I had a little recovered my self possession and I looked up half timidly into the face of my niece I shall not soon forget the expression of surprise and pain that was in her very young countenance I had uttered a false hood in her presence and this unviolence to the good opinion she had formed of me the beautiful ideal of her aunt which had filled her mind was blurred over and her heart was sad in consequence dear Aggie said I throwing my work upon the floor and bending earnestly towards her don't think too meanly of me for this little circumstance I never was guilty of that thing before never and well have I finished for my thoughtless folly I spoke from impulse and not reflection when I told Mary to say that I was not at home and repented of what I had done almost as soon as the words passed my lips Agnes looked at me for some moments until her eyes filled with tears then she said in a low sweet earnest voice mother always says if she cannot see anyone who calls that she is engaged and so do I dear I returned this is my first offence against truth and you may be sure that it will be the last and it was my last when next I met mrs. Williams and mrs. Glenn there was in both of them a reserve not seen before I felt this change keenly I had wronged myself in their good opinion and could not venture upon an explanation of my conduct for that I felt might only make matters worse how often since has my cheek burned as a vivid recollection came up before my mind of what occurred on that morning I can never forget it End of Chapter 9 Reading by Cain Day