 Why do I keep attracting narcissistic men? Hi, this is Helena Hart from commitmentconnection.com and today I wanted to answer a question I received and it has to do with why do I seem to keep attracting narcissistic men over and over? It's such a great question and I do get asked versions of this all the time and my answer will hopefully help you no matter what kind of man you're attracting, whether that be men with anger issues or addiction issues or men who are maybe emotionally unavailable or not able to commit to a real relationship. So hopefully this will really give you some clarity around this because I've been there myself and I know how frustrating it can be when you just seem to keep attracting the wrong kind of men over and over. So what this has to do with is what feels familiar to you because our subconscious mind is so committed to homeostasis and survival and it's always just trying to protect us and keep us safe. So when a man comes along who feels familiar to us, perhaps in your family of origin or one of your caretakers, if they were narcissistic or if they had some sort of issue, that's what we learned, what love felt like earlier in life. So if a man comes along who displays some of those same characteristics on a really deep subconscious level, your brain wants to say you've survived this, you can handle this and it will actually pull you towards what feels familiar. It will create that spark of attraction with the kind of man that fits right into your old patterns or what you learned, what love was earlier in life, like I mentioned. So it is actually totally possible to turn this around. It's all about awareness and changing what feels familiar to you. So just a little background. My background's in psychology, so in case anyone's interested, your subconscious mind doesn't make decisions about what's good for us and what's bad for us or what's unhealthy or what's healthy. Your prefrontal cortex is what makes those kinds of decisions, but your subconscious doesn't do that. Your subconscious just wants to protect you and keep you safe, like I said. So it will actually create that template through which you see the world and create that spark of attraction with men who fit right in to what love felt like to you. So it will just keep you in your comfort zone rather than having you take a step outside of your comfort zone and attract a different kind of man. It's so interesting how that works. But like I mentioned, it's totally possible to turn this around. It's about actually changing what feels familiar to you by spending time with men who are not like that typical type and you can baby step your way through this to sort of get comfortable receiving a man's affection and love. It's a whole process, but that's sort of the first step. It's the awareness and getting yourself in front of a different kind of man so you can start to change what feels familiar to you. Another reason why you may be attracting narcissistic man or the wrong kind of men doesn't matter what kind of men you're attracting. It's just something within yourself might need to shift. So if you're attracting narcissistic men, you might want to take a look inside yourself and see when you get into a relationship, do you sort of tend to lose yourself and ignore your own needs and desires and you become all about the man? If that's what you tend to do, you'll just be a magnet for narcissistic men because they can pick that up on a subconscious level as well. And sometimes they actually seek out women who will just be all about them or tolerate unacceptable behavior like lying or cheating because they know that the woman is just going to ignore her own needs and desires and just her energy will be all about him. So that's another reason. Something in yourself might need to shift. For me, I used to attract emotionally unavailable men and the reason I did that was because there was a part of myself that was really emotionally unavailable and scared of real intimacy. So those are the kind of men I attracted and was attracted to because that's where I felt safe. There was no risk for any sort of real commitment or real true intimate relationship. So those are the two reasons that you might want to take a look at if you're attracting narcissistic men or the wrong kind of men in general. First, your subconscious mind is pulling you towards what feels familiar to you. And second, there might be something within yourself that needs to shift. So this would be working from the outside in, changing what feels familiar to you as well as the inside out, taking a look at something within yourself that might need to shift before different kind of men start showing up. So I hope this was helpful for you. I would love to hear your thoughts on this. If you enjoyed this video, click the button to subscribe on the right side of the video. And if you're ready to discover the secrets to having the relationship you've always dreamed of, click on the button to go to our website, commitmentconnection.com.