 When Billy Graham was asked what he sees to be the biggest obstacle in people's lives, you know what he said? Unforgiveness. We're going to be bringing some hard conversation and we're going to be talking about kindness in the midst of all that too and how we are to be kind to the people who are messy and hard to love. I'm Anna. This is Pastor Jay. This is Hope today on a Friday. We're so glad you're with us. And Pastor Jay, this topic today, our guest, it's going to be powerful. Yeah, it's going to be so good. We're so glad you tuned in. I was thinking we could start it off like this. Do you have somebody that gets on your nerves? Do you have people that you want to lay hands on in the name of Jesus suddenly? Then this show is for you because we've all had people in our lives that have done us wrong, that have done us incorrectly. Sometimes it comes from church hurt. Sometimes it can be out of relationships and our marriages. It can even be in our families. It comes from myriad of different areas. But this show is going to give you wisdom on how to do it. We've got a great guest. His name is Greg Atkinson. He's got a phenomenal book called The Secret Power of Kindness, Outstanding 10 Keys to Unlock Your Capacity to Change Your World. I want to give you this quick scripture because I believe going into this, this will really help you because this book is not for how do I bless Anna because she's done me so well. It's for the people that have gone through some things in their life and it's hurt them and they need some help on how to navigate that. And the scripture is Matthew 5 says, heaven is perfect. We have to do good to people that are good as well as people that are bad. Yeah, that's so true. You know that we don't have to be on this earth very long to experience deep hurt from someone else in our lives. And yeah, it's easy to to be kind to those who are kind back to us. But Jesus gives us that challenge to be kind to love to pray for to bless those who have created such a wound in us. And we can only do that through the help of the Holy Spirit. And Pastor Jay and I are sitting here as ones who have experienced deep hurt where we have had to choose forgiveness and do the hard work of forgiveness to be able to find freedom and break down those walls. And kindness is so the so powerful in that to make ourselves do things that maybe feel a little not natural. Yeah, because it's so hard. We've all experienced stuff. We've all walked through things that people have done us wrong and hurt us and especially in the church. I mean, man, there's been so much church hurt people disrespecting people, pastors abusing their power. There's so many different things that can go on. And I believe that this guest here is really going to be a blessing to each and every one of us. And I think that we can also agree that the world would be a better place if we all choose love instead of hate. Our next guest believes that if we are able to unlock the keys to change this world, everything can be different. And it all begins with kindness and forgiveness. Greg Atkinson is a pastor and an author and he's written a new book called The Secret Power of Kindness. He joins us now to share how kindness and forgiveness play a big part in making the world a better place. Greg, welcome to Hope Today. Hey, good morning. Thanks for having me. We're so glad to have you, man. And you've wrote an apropos book for an apropos season and time. And the first question that we have, you're new to our guests that are people that are watching today, our viewers. And tell us a little bit about your story and why you chose to write this book. Yeah, I'm a husband and a father of three adult kids. I have two in college, one in grad school. And I've gotten to a season in my life where I have some gray hair and some older kids and have lived some life and I've seen hurt, I've seen pain. But most of all, I was just reflecting on the fruit of the spirit and what we as Christ followers should be known for. And as I was looking over the last few years, marinating on this book, more and more and more, I just thought we're not really known for kindness as we should be. And so that's the genesis of the book that what had me start going down the road of writing it and sharing my own story of hurt and pain and the journey to forgiveness. Well, you know, I would kind of give you a little pushback. I think we're known for kindness, Greg, but we're known for kindness from people that we like. What we don't know how to do is show kindness to the people that we don't like. What happened in your world growing up to where forgiveness, which is your first key to unlock kindness, which opens the door to the other nine, what happened in your world that you had to walk through that season to forgive? Yeah, so my mentor here in Charlotte told me years ago, he said, Greg, every man has a father wound and a church wound. And, you know, in the book, I say this is true for women as well. A lot of us have a father wound. And so I did not have a great relationship with my dad growing up. And so over the years and my dad died right when I graduated college at the age of 21. So I had to work through a process of forgiveness to forgive him and others who may have hurt me over my life. And so I have found that everybody is in that same boat. We have to forgive those that have wounded us or hurt us. Why is forgiveness the first key in this? You know, you mentioned about a lot of things with mental health. Talk to us about how forgiveness can really set us free emotionally. And a lot of people that are battling with mental health and even sicknesses and things like that, it's because of unforgiveness. What do you have to say about that? Yeah, as Anna just shared earlier, you know, Billy Graham was asked the key to unlocking freedom for a lot of people. And it was forgiveness. John Stott was asked the same thing that patients could be sent home from the mental health hospital if they would just forgive. And so I have found that a lot of people really want to be kind. They really want to be known for kindness, but they are so hurt, so angry, so bitter that they can be sharp with someone. They could bite somebody's head off. They could respond in a harsh way. And so when we properly do the hard work and it's a process, but when we do the hard work of forgiveness, we can then be free to be our true selves and to display the freedom of spirit and be as kind as possible. I totally agree with you. I come from a counseling background and we've used the statement many times, which I believe is true, that hurting people end up hurting other people because we give out of the overflow of what's within our hearts. What do you think is the biggest misconception as to why people can't forgive and what do we need to know to start forgiving? We all know we've all heard it. We need to forgive, but what will help people unlock unforgiveness and get rid of it and be able to release themselves to go into the future that God has for them? Well, I love that you come from a counseling background. It was counseling that helped me. I have been through a ton of therapy and then as a pastor, I've counseled several people. I am a big believer in counseling. And one of the things that we just have to come to grips with is it is up to us to forgive those who have hurt us, who have wronged us, whether they deserve it or not. And it is not about them that is about us. It is about freeing us and letting go of that hold that it has on us so that we can live our fullest life. Pastor Greg, can you unpack a little bit what forgiveness is and what it is not? Because I believe that some of us, many of us struggle because we think that it means like, oh, we'll just kind of forget that it ever happened and we deny our pain and that, oh, we have to reconcile with that person, even if they're an unsafe person. Can you just kind of unpack what it is and what it is not? Sure. Well, you know that forgiveness means that we have let go of the hold that they have on us, that the hurt that the pain did to us to release anger, to release bitterness. It does not mean we have to hang out together. It does not mean that we're going to the movies together or going to catch a ball game. We may never hang out with them again, but we have released that hold that their hurt has over our heart. We know that's good, Pastor. You know, I think it's so important people understand that because forgiveness is not reconciliation. Forgiveness is something we have to do regardless if whether or not people ever change. We still have to be willing to let go of the debt that we feel they owe us. But reconciliation, it takes both parties and sometimes it can be done and sometimes it cannot be done. Let me ask you this question. Speak to somebody out there that may be battling with that. You know, they battle with, well, if I forgive them, I got to let them back in my life. What would you speak to them to let them know? They've done the right things spiritually and if they can reconcile, that's great, but if they can't, what would be the thing you'd share with them? One, I'm so sorry for any pain that you've gone through. I know it hurts. I know it's real. I know it's tough. I share a story in the book of a tough situation. I went through with a boss and I talked about taking my boss to lunch and saying, I love you. I forgive you and I want to move on and just bring that person from my judgment, I think as you can say. Well, you know, you talk about that in your book as well. It's a second key, unlocking generosity. Do you believe that that's the true sign that you have forgiven somebody when you're willing to do good to those that have done you wrong? That's one of the big challenges and things that we are taught in Scripture and through the model of Jesus and the Gospels and it is a next step in our faith to be able to do good to those that have hurt us. Pastor Greg, can you share a little bit more from your story and your situations of hurt practical ways where you were able to show kindness or in the relationships where reconciliation wasn't possible? How do we show kindness? I think it's trying to, the way, like for me as a father, the way I teach my kids and let them see how I have dealt with hurt, how I've dealt with pain, how I've forgiven those that have wronged me and then in my own journey to break the cycle, to be a good father to my kids, even though I did not have a great example of a father. I did not hear, I love you, but my kids hear, I love you every single day and so moving forward, we all have that choice to break the cycle to say this stops with me, this ends with me and for my house, my kids are going to know that I love them. That's phenomenal, Greg. I think forgiveness and generosity are the first two things we have to get beyond in order to see the other eight keys unlocked. If we don't forgive and we're not generous, we still got to walk through those two doors. Out of the other eight, though, after they've walked through forgiveness and generosity, the other eight that you have keys, what are a couple of your favorites that you written about that you believe are applicable in showing the world kindness? Yeah, two keys that I write about that have meant a lot to people. One surprises people and that's rest, that if we're not properly rested, if we don't get proper sleep, vacation, time off, Sabbath, if we are not well rested, we're going to bite somebody's head off. There are so many times where I may be performing poorly in a bad mood, not at my best, and it all goes back to sleep. Did I have a good night's sleep? And so I knew it was a very practical chapter to deal with this issue of rest. And then the last chapter, the whole book ends with unity, that Jesus' prayer that we would be one. And that is the hope of this book with kindness. If I'm kind to you and you're kind to me, I believe that kindness is contagious. I believe that kindness unlocks kindness and together we can change the world. Amen. That is so awesome, Pastor Greg. You know, would you take a minute? I believe there's many people watching. I hear it as a pastor, the church heard people have dealt with, people have walked through family issues. And just minister to those that need to forgive, need to be generous, and just pray over them that this kindness that God has anointed you to speak about and to walk through, that that would be shared in their life, and they'll be able to demonstrate that in the world they live. Friends, my prayer for you is that you have lean into the kindness of God. The Bible said it's God's kindness that leads us to repentance. And so he is the model. Jesus has forgiven us, so we should forgive others. God has shown great kindness to us, so we should show great kindness to others. The Bible teaches us about the great commandment that we should love others and love God and love ourselves. And so for some of you, you may need to be kind to yourself. You may need to forgive yourself, and you may need to love yourself. And so start inward. Let's love ourselves. Let's be kind to ourselves. Let's forgive ourselves so that we can forgive and be kind to others. Ladies and gentlemen, you heard him, the secret power of kindness, 10 keys to unlocking your capacity to change the world. Get your hands on this book. It will really, really be a blessing to you. Thanks, Pastor Greg. We really appreciate your time. Thank you for having me. Well, I hope that you've been blessed by that. And listen, we're going to come back in just a moment. Anna's got a great scripture for you. And then we're going to take some time and just minister to you. So you stay tuned, because there's more ministry coming right after this. No matter your age or circumstances, God wants you to move forward. 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We hope that you have been enjoying the conversation about the power of kindness, the power of forgiveness, and I'll tell you what, Pastor Jay and I, we both have so much experience, like personal experience with this that we're trying to like navigate what to share here, but let's start by sharing the Word of God from Ephesians chapter four verse 32, and it says this, instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another just as God through Christ has forgiven you. You know, it's interesting just yesterday I posted a devotional that I had written on social media, and it was this very similar verse, but just in Colossians, and and the amount of response that it got was so fascinating to me because people who get the power of forgiveness, how they have been able to forgive those who have hurt, they're exclaiming, yes, yes, yes, like let's forgive. And then so many of us know that we're struggling with it, that we need to forgive. And so we need the help of the Holy Spirit to help move us forward. And Pastor Jay, I'm wondering, are you a country music fan? You know, I have a little twang in my step every once in a while. Yeah. There is a country song out that says about being humble and kind. Just be humble and kind because that's who our Savior is. He left heaven and came down to this earth and put on human flesh to live among us. And he lived a perfect life. He showed what love was. And then he died on the cross for us. The Bible says, wow, we were still sinners. What a mighty God we serve that he would be so humble and kind as to forgive us. And Pastor Jay, I'm just thinking about all that we receive when we receive the forgiveness of Christ, all the spiritual blessings, all that heaven has to give us that we find true life in Christ. Amen. You know, as a matter of fact, when I battled with early in my ministry at somebody that was in my church that really did me wrong, that I poured a lot into this individual. And I'll never forget the Lord began to speak to me about forgiving this person. And I didn't want to. I was like, no, he did me wrong. And he was really, really wrong. He dogged me, did all these things to me. And what was amazing is the Lord first thing he did and as he said to me said, have you forgotten how much I forgave you? You know, we can't forget that we're not all that in a hot wheel track. We got to remember while we were in sin, Christ died for us. And he went and came to us. And sometimes we have forgotten how much God has forgiven us. And when he forgave us, he didn't just wash it all away. He now blesses us in return. And so listen, I believe there's somebody watching right now that you are battling and you've been praying and praying and praying and saying, Lord, help me to forgive that person, help me to forgive that person. Well, if you want to get free, we can do it right now in 30 seconds. This is the ticket I believe in what God told me to do for this individual. He said, I want you to go and I got these wonderful tickets to this division one basketball game. And I was so excited to go. And you know what God told me to do? He didn't tell me to bless Anna. He said, go bless the person that did you wrong. You have to give up what's valuable to you to bless the one that hurts you if you want to be free. It doesn't mean you have to be their friend. It doesn't mean that they're going to change. What you're doing is you're letting it go and you say, why am I doing that? You're doing that because it will release the kingdom power and grace in order to set you free. The moment I blessed him, Anna, I blessed him with those tickets. God completely set me free. And when a lot of people don't know, he actually reconciled that relationship. We were back closer together. He came back to my church and it was an outstanding thing. When we give to people that do us wrong and we bless them, even as we read in the beginning in Matthew chapter five, it releases the kingdom power into our lives and it sets us free. It absolutely does. You know, I was thinking about, gosh, how have I been kind to somebody that I feel is not a safe person that I just really can't be in the same area? And you know, one of the biggest things I stopped doing? Stop talking bad about that person. And you know what? Who did I feel better because when words have power and when we're speaking unkind, slanderous words over somebody else, we're at the same time, just we keep drinking that poison into us. And that's what is all over our mind and all over our heart. And it just brings this darkness. You know, I was thinking about Martin Luther King Jr., one of my favorite quotes. He talks about how hate will never drive out hate. Only love can do that. So if it's a matter of just stopping the bad talk and then praying God's blessing on that person, man, that brings some freedom. It really does. And it goes back to that scripture, bless those that curse you. Start speaking out of your mouth over those that have done you wrong. Speak of blessing over them because that's what God did for you. And then it says, do good to them. Go and find that person and do good. Bless them in some capacity. Let them know, I release everything in the name of Jesus and now I bless you in return. And listen, if you're battling right now with unforgiveness, there is a prayer line at the bottom, 888-665-4483. We've got anointed prayer partners that you can call right now that are there to pray with you, to see that shackle and chain broken. But stop asking. And I believe it's time to start doing. And you know, Anna, there may be people watching right now that have never received forgiveness in their heart. They've never received Jesus Christ. What would you tell them? Yeah. Oh, friends, here's what I would tell you is that you were chosen and created by God before this earth was made to be His precious child. You are established in love. You are rooted in love. You have been infused with purpose to go out and be a light in the darkness of this world. When we hold on to that unforgiveness and that bitterness, it's like these thorns, these thorn bushes that wrap themselves around us. And it limits us from what we're able to do, how God wants us to use us. And so today, I would say, come near to the Father's heart and feel His love for you. Sit in His presence and think about how Jesus left heaven's throne to come rescue you. It doesn't matter what's in your past, what's in your present. Jesus is coming after you to make you clean, to make you whole, to give you new life. Today, my friend is your day to just let it all go and find rest. Isn't it exhausting to hold on to that unforgiveness, to that bitterness? Jesus says, come to me. All who are heavy laden, all who are weary, and I will give you rest. All you have to do right where you are is to cry out to him and say, Jesus, I need your forgiveness. I need to know that you see me, that you love me. Thank you for dying on the cross for me so that I can be made whole. And then know that when you receive him as Lord, tell him you want him to be your Lord and Savior, that he makes you new and he puts his Holy Spirit in you to empower you and begin to put all the pieces of your broken life back together. And he will lift you up out of that pit and stand you firm on the rock who is Jesus Christ. What a bright future. He will lead you out in peace and have you exclaim with joy that Jesus Christ is Lord. Amen. That's so good. And listen, if you just prayed that prayer and you've received that, pick up the phone and dial as well. I believe this is a time where God wants to set the captive free today that no matter what you're battling with, no matter what you're experiencing, there are prayer partners that are standing by. We understand your hurt. We understand the pain that you've experienced, but you know what? Jesus died on the cross. He took every single one of our sins. He was completely perfect, Anna. They hit him. They beat him. They stepped. He was betrayed by his friends. He was betrayed by his enemies, and he still was willing to stretch his arms out wide and die for each and every one of us. What extravagant love. Amen. What extravagant love. There's a scripture prayer where it talks about that how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ. And we pray that we would understand this love that is so beyond our grasp that we would be filled with all the fullness of God. And then you know what happens when that Holy Spirit comes into you? He begins to develop the fruit of God. That is love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. Friend, as those fruits grow in you, then you'll be able to see them come out of your life and you'll get to shake that fruit all over the people around you. What an incredible opportunity you have as a person, as a child of God hidden in Christ. So it's time for you to be free. It's time for you to let go of everything that's in the past because there's a brand new today and tomorrow that Jesus Christ has for you. Don't allow what's happened in your past to keep you in your past. Let go of your past and it's time to start walking into the future that Jesus Christ has for you. He loves you. He died for you. He sets you free so then you can go out into the world and show that love to others.