 Okay, hello, welcome back to the channel Hello, welcome back to the channel It's been about I think it's by the time I upload this video. It's been about 50 days Almost 50 days since we last uploaded the video 40 days in the desert. Yeah It's been a long time. We had some technical difficulties. No We had a child and we had some technical difficulties Yeah, okay, so last week we recorded a video to do two videos and Although while there's that we recorded and finished Kwame didn't check one microphone Yes, he wanted to shut me up and it worked because she couldn't hear me in the videos So Yeah, we're back again. Yes to record this time. It's recording. So we're good. Who are you? so my name is Kwame and This is me plus you is us and my name is Elaine. All right. So in today's video as you can see from the caption We're gonna talk about things that surprised us having a Child little nugget. Yeah. Yes, but what we're gonna do is Elaine has put down things that surprised her that I'm gonna react to them Yes, that's basically what's gonna happen. So see if he's on the same page Yes, whether we're on the same page with surprise or not. Okay. Let's get it. I route them down I did my homework. I Wonder which one okay The first one. Okay. All love songs have a new meaning Yeah, it's true. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, definitely all our songs have a new meaning. Yeah when you listen now, of course Yeah, you don't feel it on the Romantic level anymore. No, it's like it's it's deeper. Yes Yeah, all our songs have a when you so when you sing Them to him it makes sense Yeah, it makes a lot of sense. Yes. Yeah. So the love the love has gone beyond the All the mushy Man-woman or boyfriend girlfriend or husband wife Level to a much deeper I don't know how to explain it. That's just expanded. I think yeah, it's it's it feels Pura selfless like you don't even think about it. You just feel I just yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I and our song is Um What Our favorite song our favorite family song at the moment Now I do Yeah, I love black Yeah, that's our favorite song now But are you gonna explain why or you just want to oh, okay? Okay? Okay? I didn't know I was supposed to explain but the reason why it's our favorite song is uh, we made a playlist I don't know if I should even share the link to the playlist. No, okay Good. We made a playlist make your own playlist We made a playlist for uh, labor for the room we're going to be in and we named it Eli's room and Before we unfortunately the playlist was too short Yeah, because we had three days. Yeah some complications with the birth. So the playlist was too short But anyway before we got into labor we would listen to the songs to also get used to it because it's good for You to know the songs beforehand for you to calm you down when things get like really Rough and one of the songs that hit home for us was uh, now I do I love black and Yeah, they can listen if they want to yeah but also other songs like classics like Uh, you are so beautiful. Yeah to me to me All of them in the the meaning change. Yeah, so Yeah, that's how come we got that song and um, yeah, it's We come up I I have a whole list but I will just hop on hop off Um The the second one for me Is a big one you don't need as much sleep as you thought you needed Okay, I don't think that's a surprise for me Um, because I still I still can't function without the sleep and I kind of expected it that it would be Terrible. I just didn't think it would be that bad Yeah, I anticipated that the sleep would not be there, but I didn't think it would be this like whoa I think for us it's also We really like to sleep We are not night owls or anything like that. So I think that's why it was quite an adjustment because now so for me what surprised me is that I really have a rhythm according to the time of the day So in the morning I do certain things to wake up like start my day how I want to start my day Afternoon you get very productive then evening you wind down, but now because you're like 24 seven on the clock Yeah It's it messed with my head a bit and I was like, well I didn't even know I was so much like attuning to the time of the day Like my energy levels were attuned to kind of the rhythm of the day and now your rhythm is like All mangled up. It's a whole cycle. Yeah Was not necessarily mangled up mangled up, but it's been chopped into very little pieces. Yeah, like you're doing a Like a kilometer or a mile at a time Yeah, and it's like every kilometer is the same but different Yeah, you know, but also I do think that now I'm getting used to less sleep You are Yes, I still need like the naps. Yeah So sometimes I nap an afternoon and I wake up and I feel like my second morning has started I'm so fresh. I'm like, yeah It's a beautiful day and it's still the same day and I'm like, oh my god, what's happening to me? Yeah Well, I think I'm adjusting and the funny thing is that even no matter how rough the night was so if he was up a lot Like one half hours two hours like you missed out on that chunk of sleep If the baby smells in the morning And the way it looks at you it's like He plays with like, you know playing by himself and smiling at you when you make a noise or something And then yeah, you forget everything you forget everything It's a trap. Don't don't buy it. Don't fall in is Okay, um I you you tap into your creativity in ways you've never done before And you do that with your record that with the lullabies Oh, and Yeah Dancing and even tapping into your own childhood memories. Yeah Yeah, I didn't expect that Yeah, that that that too. I didn't expect yet that I didn't expect not that too that I didn't expect here because I don't know how Instinctively all these things come to you and you remember the things that were sang to you as a child or yeah A baby, let's just say a toddler as far as you can remember Then you remember all these things all of a sudden and making up lullabies on the go You just find all kind of creative ways to Comfort. Yeah, that's the word the comforts makes you yeah very creative and I think for us it's a lot of singing And dancing dancing moving motion a lot of motion But it's also funny to see the other person in that because normally I mean when you go about today I mean you do have times you kind of play like when you're playful But now you really have to you really see it in tune. You have to like it's very glaring that's Like you do it. It's a conscious effort to do because yeah But if before the baby was there if you would do something like that then it would be weird But now it's now now you have to Yeah, yeah, it's part of it's it's it's not even thought of You know it's now become part of Yeah, what you do what you do and who you are basically Yeah, and I try to one of the nerdy things I do is I try to record My favorite fake not fake lullabies lullabies. I make up on the spot. Yeah improvise lullabies. Yes. I record them That's one that's very sticky. Yeah I know what you want I know what you need I know that you're tired and you just want to sleep so i'm gonna walk around And rock you rock you now. I think somebody should record this one. Yeah, it's a good one So yeah, I made up on the spot and and sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't but when it sounds like it has a rhythm I try to record it on my phone so I can remember. Yeah, that's nice um Your survival mode will kick in What the baby needs is very primal So you'll learn a lot about your instincts and I think this one has a big one as so For us being quite analytical people. Yeah What the baby the baby doesn't care really about your personality or about your ways of doing things or why He doesn't know doesn't care doesn't know doesn't care it like it's very primal like food sleep comfort change of diaper Bath that's literally it. Yeah, so As us being very analytical Yeah play like stimulation. Yeah I thought that was more like comfort. So that's like, okay um before the marcos has bad parents marked, okay So for for at least for me if I have to speak for myself You cannot say, okay, I will get back to you in a day like normally I think through things quite Long and now you just have to like act and trust your gut and just think okay This what I think it is sometimes you're wrong. Sometimes you're right So it's a whole new thing to rely so much on your instincts. Yeah instead of your rationale And I also or we discovered for me it was really Tough because I wanted to understand everything the baby is doing Like why is it crying? Why is doing this? Why is it? Yeah, it was tough. Why is it not latching? Why is he doing this? Why is he back after 30 minutes? Why why is he hungry again? It's not even three hours later when we went through cluster feeling it was a bit of a challenge Yeah, so I think you cannot understand everything. It's more like Hmm, what you say emotional, but not really it's a feel. It's a reactive. Yeah, it's you feel it You do it. You there's no there's no need to try and That's what you said primal. There's no need to try and understand it It's it's like this is what it needs and that's it's like no argument nothing And yeah, yeah, that's really something I have to get used to Now I think I'm getting there. Yeah, but I didn't know it would be this You're almost an animal. You're so reactive. Yeah, and very biological process. Yeah, and it's not like you are nonchalant about you know Certain things like, you know being analytical or giving Finding meaning to those emotions or whatever that you're feeling. It's not that but you cannot act upon that Yes, you can't act upon that. You just have to feed him thought like there's no We can talk about the feelings later. Yeah, there's no space. It's not easy for People who want to you know process their thoughts and emotions like we do before we speak about it And now we just have to shelve it And I I I don't struggle as much with shelving I don't know if that's a good thing. Yeah I just I love to shelve things Forget about them. I just have to do and I do and that's it. No, it's true um Yeah, I thought I knew it but it's different when you experience it. So you are starting from scratch again Like doing all the things you were you were doing without any thoughts Like going out Doing groceries like the very basic stuff to live your life. Like you have to feed yourself going to work We have to get fuel. We have to do this. We have to do that. You are now doing it, but then with Another human being and you have to really start from scratch again. Like whatever you you thought you knew It's just doesn't exist now. Everything has to include how the baby is Part of it. So it's like a fresh. Yeah, you have to kind of start A new otherwise it's going to get very frustrating. Yeah, because they're like, oh, but normally I would go out There's no normally now. The wing. No, there's no normal now with him Yeah, even So Like to go for fufu on sunday. Normally I would join but now At least at this stage Because the music is very loud the fufu joins We cannot bring the baby or we can with any hats. I wear his headphones. See, there you go See, you have to like think through it. You can bring him and then you have to bring now. So what if he cries? What if this So now we have Decided that Krabber will go for fufu if I feel like eating something from there Bring it to me But in the meantime, I'll stay with the baby So you really have to think through like all your scenarios and okay, what if this what if that it's like, whoa Whoa, whoa, whoa, it's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot um Yeah, this one may be related to that so It's really important to step out And it's very hard Practically and mentally to step out of the house without your baby. I mean leave your baby with somebody That's normal. We don't mean leave your baby alone. Yeah, but It's really important to Zoom in and zoom out of the situation because if you're only focusing on the baby Your world gets really small and you get very Tensed about things Because then the baby is the only thing there So I think it's important to any years will get prickly Me or people in general no in generally like you become very um You've gone so uh focused on details. Yeah, because that's your whole world And I think of course like you want to pour everything into parenthood But a parent is not the only thing you are And I think for us to survive it is in a way We're trying to make a conscious effort to do the little things that We like to do Yeah, or even that you can just go to your office and work for an hour or two No disruption Um, it's just it's good to tap into other things as well. I think that works for us. Otherwise I don't think it's good for the baby either and the surprise here is when the baby was in there You took such things for granted like in the previous Observation that we said that normal You took those things for granted and now it's not normal anymore So you now have to make a conscious effort and we didn't think that that's how it's going to feel That the effort has to be that Deliberate yeah in order to be able to step out of the bubble in and out, you know over time Yeah, and I think also that suddenly everything is collective So That's surprising as well because for example if kraman doesn't sleep enough Then I have to step up or he has a like he can't get enough sleep in or he has to finish something So he doesn't sleep It means he probably will be less like alert or less energy that day So that means I have to step up automatically the same with suddenly me time or self-care It's into your time. So my self-care it's into your time Yeah While normally we would just go like separate ways and just do our own things and come back and meet Yeah, I could go for coffee with my friends and then kraman would do something else But now if I go for coffee with my friends, I want to go without the baby It eats into kraman's time because that means he has to watch him. So that's something new as well So that relates to the one of the You're on borrowed time and it can be quite frustrating Yeah, you're literally on borrowed time and and sometimes I What what another thing that I think about a lot is like for how long man This has been a long time. When is it going to? Oh, like 80 years of your life for my own When is it going to change? No, I think I think for for me the borrowed time thing is Frustrating and I have to acknowledge that because You're always on demand I'm not used to that Like because I went to the office on Friday for the first time. I'm resume work And honestly It was nice because I have better boundaries at work than in house Yeah, because at work. I know like, okay, this is what I'm going to do now. Then I'm going to do this Then cold So you really like make a plan and then follow the plan because it's just you right or at least you work with colleagues and everything but Here I'm in halfway my exercises and then I left us crying. I'm like, no exercises for me Last time I had to cut my exercise 15 minutes of exercise on youtube. I had to cut it in six I started at 5.30. I was done by seven Because in the meantime you had to like take care and then go back and do something and go back Yeah, and I think It's okay to still want to do things for yourself It's just you have to make that adjustment like Okay, I can start this That's more like let's see how far we can come and that's Makes it's kind of a humbling experience It is to let go more and be more like, okay, this is what we now need Okay, this one is also nice So people talk about this like oh when you get a baby you will like it will Unlock like a whole new level of love It's true Because you've never experienced a bond with a creature like this before I mean, I never carried a baby before you never Became a father before but for me what is surprising is that it's not only with us Like the people around us Yeah That you see change in front of your eyes Because of the baby. Yeah, and the joy he brings and kind of the hope and Yeah, it's just he's like a glue that brings like it changes The your social circle like everybody Yes, and it also brings out another side of people. Yeah, which I think was is so interesting because um Travis brother for example, we he comes by from time to time But I never had seen him with a little child child and he's so good with them And I was like, oh like I literally text him like wow was so cool to see you with We had a small gathering and there were some kids and he was really good with them and I was like That's so nice. Yeah, and the gifts and how thoughtful the gifts was and everything Yeah, it's really nice and also friends that are that's are very confident with the baby Like they pick them up and they they know exactly that they have to walk around with the baby And move it and you're like, oh wow like I never knew you knew how to handle a baby um, so it also brings out other stories and you see people light up and Apply things they liked when they were little and yeah, it's really nice Yeah, I didn't know it's just about from the light of how they also get like really Nervous about when he's fussy or yeah Yeah, also how they handle him like very precious. Yeah That's crying like would make like, you know, I need to fix it. Yeah If it goes to fix you But it's just nice to see the change around you and See that people really like They they love him for who he is even though he's like just this tiny human being. Yeah, that's nice Uh, so the thing that surprised me most of the times you'll be overwhelmed Like 99% of the times I think that's not for me if if I'm being objective Then that's not surprised because yeah, that's that's literally it but I think okay So rationally I rationally I knew yeah bringing what a newborn in will be a lot. Yeah But you cannot understand in what ways yeah Because you're literally because it's so primal you're on a coping strategy So it brings out certain parts of you that you normally don't use in like your day to day as an adult Yeah You have the partnership going on as well You have other people in the mix You have like even basic things like cooking in the beginning in the first week We didn't know how when to cook. Nope Because we couldn't find the time you couldn't even think of what to eat And if I if you I would have told myself that before I would have just thought why there's no possible We're gonna make it we're gonna be fine. No. No, no when it was happening You just think from hour to hour Yeah And I think people should really tell you like do it you'll be overwhelmed the first six months and then after that you're getting It's literally a One hour or one schedule at a time I think it's okay to be overwhelmed because you've also never been like this dedicated to something Yes, you're literally his everything You're a source of feed a source of joy a source of sleep and comfort like you're doing everything Yeah, and we've never done that before so that commitment that dedication it requires a lot. Yeah Yes, even your sleep Yes Yeah, and then I mean I already talked about partnership, but I think you will become I mean You're much stronger partnership I guess so but in the beginning because everything is new it feels in the beginning a bit Distant like we're both Juggling a lot. So you're both thrown into like a new experience and You no longer see your partner Yeah, and also, yeah You don't see your partner the same way like they are completely different because the way they are going about Um ticking in this new experience is different from yours and you feel like there's a disconnect Yeah, and also because it's so like hands-on all the time. Yeah And we normally take some time to connect and like You know ground a bit, but there's no grounding now not really Everything's elevated all the time Everything is on this spot now all the time. Yeah. So you have to really cherish the small moments together Like being able to record this video. Yes Um I'm sure I'm sure well once we get a lot like get further in the process You'll find each other more and like the new role, but in the beginning it's It's a lot and I'm happy we have a good foundation Because if not your communication needs to be On point otherwise you get a lot of miscommunication and that doesn't help anybody And even before the baby came one of the things that our friends told us that we thought was really really cool was the fact that In the first few weeks everything that happens from midnight till 6 a.m Didn't happen. That's how they got through communicating properly so that they don't like they're not at each other's throats all the time I think we're doing okay in the night No, I'm just saying that's one of the things that's stuck to me in in that Learning from people who already had a child Was that yeah, you you have to be kind to each other and some of the things you just have to you know forget about it and move on Yeah, yeah also cannot discuss everything because there's just no time to do it. So yeah, you have to find a new way Yeah, I think that also relates to the last one I have here Uh, you will miss parts of your old life and that's okay Yeah What do you miss? freedom What do you mean with freedom because that's a concept big one set it's a big concept, but I'm just saying that The fact that My thoughts of me doing or wanting to do the things I want to do how I do it and how I add My family and friends or you into that plan and the fact that Because it's adults involved Like you can communicate what you're thinking or what you want to do and how you can Like you know add them to it And there's there could be understanding But at this point, there's nothing like that No There's somebody who can't speak Can't walk Can't eat on their own can't bath on their own. Yeah, you have to Who dictates what you do? Yeah Is what I'm trying to say. I think also we're very autonomous people Yeah, we're not used to Having a boss who doesn't In yes, we're very independent kind of Yeah, I think for me the best example is so when I was Pregnant we did a lot together Almost everything like errands shopping like groceries Um If I had to go somewhere I would drop me off a lot all these things Now we can't even do that Because that means we have to pack him in the car and all these things so I missed out a little bit the errands because that would always be a time where you miss the just the two of us bit Not just but just also just like okay, you see our cry you talk about the things you see I don't know if there's something about sitting in a car like not facing each other but facing the road and just Having a conversation and not worrying about the guy in the back Well, I don't mind worrying about the guy in the back, but it's less Okay, let's go like now you really have to plan the same thing. I said like you have to try everything And new and now when we do now we do a lot of errands separately Yep, one person has to take care of the child and one person has to go get it. Yeah and that's So, hmm, I missed that Yeah, that you would do just Hope into the car and just go well now. I'm like, okay. We want to go somewhere. What time How many feet do we have to pack? When do I have to express? Okay, if I have to express during the day, what do I do it? Yeah And how long can you be gone for till the other person would need to be home? So then we're just like, oh, it's easier if I go alone But then you miss out on the quality time as well Yeah, so you have to we try we try at the moment to Try and eat together at the table or in a living room watch a movie at least once or twice during the week Before we go to bed while he's maybe having his Long nap before the night Yeah, we try to do some things together at least Yeah, you console yourself with The little you can do together now it means a lot more That's true. Oh, yeah, so we should add that Things things you can get done mean a lot more. Yeah, you you you finish one activity and you're like, whoa, like, you know, give me a gold medal Let the whole stadium give me a standing ovation because wow You know, yeah, and I guess something's got to give as well I mean you've added this whole human being through your life So something like you cannot maintain everything like it was Then you shouldn't have taken a baby. I guess But you can't have it all can't Oh, yeah, it's okay. So it's right off This was my least Yeah, and I do agree with yeah your list. Do you have anything to add? Did I miss anything? No Maybe for maybe on The gender side if we talk about stereotypes, do you feel more pressure to provide because that's something in Ghana that is Uh, mostly focused on the man of the household to provide No, I don't I don't feel more pressure to provide Okay, I don't I don't feel more pressure to provide on the day to day It's the pressure of the future instead The future is bigger now because there's another person in it So it's not more I don't worry so much about Food or diapers or hospital bills or whatever now not so much. No But it's more like What is gonna happen, you know for him, you know, what can I do to buffer up? Because the more he grows Yeah, for me, I think on the flip side, it's also motivating because I'm also like, yes, it's not pressure. It's motivation. You need to step it up. It's not only you. Yeah So I'm just say it's not pressure pressure, but that's why I'm saying that it's not pressure because your day to day is much more on the Immediate spectrum of your now. Yeah. Yeah, which brings pressure But the one I'm talking about is more like the actualization level like the things you want to do no actualization But like future it's higher on the hierarchy of needs Yeah, so I'm not looking for my basic needs. We have shelter. We have food. We have clothing That's not yeah, I'm more like, oh, I really need to do it like things I would normally postpone like oh, I have to You know, we need to eat better or like we need to cook more now. I'm like, I need to we need to we need recipes We need so many recipes He's also going to eat this Like, okay finance we need to finance stuff or ducks in a row like everything needs to be said We need to have emergency fund. We need to have a college fund. We need to have this Yeah, but that's not pressure for me. It's not pressure It's a bit of pressure like you need to step it up, man Like no more sleeping no more snoozing because there's somebody else involved. So if you suck now like If you snooze you're really loose your child is going to confront you in like 12 years Even less No, I mean at some point like when they become more adult and they're going to reflect They're going to say like, oh my god, this you really didn't do well. Well, you sucked Like at this I we could have had it way better and then you didn't do it and like We tried I guess that's also the last thing like you really now empathize with other parents Yeah, even your own but also when you see people in public with their kids, you're like Yeah Go you Good job Look or I when I saw I went for first time did it with friends out without the baby I was with the baby and I saw a young mom with a very tiny baby and she just Started breastfeeding him in the restaurant. I mean she covered herself up. I was like You go girl. Like I wanted to go over there. Like yes You do you know, you're doing great. You're ringing your newborn. She looked fabulous. Like oh like I was like, I have to go there. I want to ask how old he is and like say like what we do great mommy go go go Um, so it's funny that it you're now suddenly part of like this new group of people. Yeah by default. Yeah Your demographic changes Yeah, like suddenly your dad suddenly your mom and that was also funny because I went to Uh went to the mall because I wanted to buy a hat for Eli because the sun is always out here Mommy duties, but then I quickly was to grab something at the supermarket and I was wearing the diaper bag Which is quite a big backpack And then the security guard was I went in and he was like mommy mommy mommy. I was like who is mommy? I was like, oh mommy It was so funny too now because I was I was carrying Eli FYI So I was mommy, but I didn't like yet. I haven't been that much outside yet With the baby on me. So I was like, oh mommy mommy's me. Yeah, so it's interesting Okay, I think this was it So yeah, we'll catch you in the next video. This is me plus you is us and uh, yeah These are the things that we're still rocking with even though they surprised us. Yes Let us know if you have any Any suggestions Any other things that surprised you I would be if you've had a child. Yes Yeah, or a nephew or yeah, if you have a baby around you and you were like, whoa Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah Thank you for watching catch you in the next one