 Good afternoon. Welcome to Living Mosaic, a project of the Spark of Humanity Network. My name is Martha Holden and I'm a member of the Spark of Humanity Network. Living Mosaic is a designed or hoped to be a conversation around the idea that there is a solution to the current world distress, heartbreak, horror crisis, however you think of it, that which when you think of it too much tends to drive us to either despair or denial or avoidance. The idea that there is a solution and that it may be conceived as a living mosaic in which we are each a unique and essential part. We cannot be somebody else's part. Nobody else can do our part. We're each unique. We're each essential. And so to support each other, discuss the concept and support each other in becoming the unique essential part that we are designed to be available to be. That's what the program is about, to explore and to support. And this afternoon we're talking about sacrifice. There's some guests here which is lovely. And I will do a little talk and then I will give Coleman there and the control booth permission to unmute so anybody who wants to speak may do so at that point. The concept of sacrifice is not an easy one. The way I'm understanding it, the way I'm offering it here is the offering up of something we value. For something we value more. For something which is more important. And oftentimes the things that we're attached to, actually there's an attachment and the value that we're offering up. There's something we're attached to that we value because we're attached to it. And becoming aware of it or offering it and offering it up saying, I'm willing to let go of this, I'm willing because there's something greater, a greater good that I choose to support and want to be able to do that. Back in the early 80s out in California there was the story of a man walking on the beach at night and he heard a voice or felt a wisdom or say, delete all judgments, delete all comparisons, delete the need to understand. So deleting those things may or may not have been a sacrifice on his part but I think for many of us it is. I'm thinking of sacrifice as the stories we tell ourselves, the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves, our self-image, the stories we tell ourselves about other people. This is where the judgment and the comparisons can come in. So being willing to become aware of those factors, those things to which we are attached, the stories, the ideas, the concepts to which we are attached, which get in the way of our being drawn into our place in the living mosaic or drawn into our truer selves, becoming who we truly are, which will fit into the place in the mosaic. Many of us have an idea of who we are and what we're supposed to be and we can get quite attached to that that may or may not be the case, that that is what we are needed to be in order to be part of the solution for the global distress. So the idea is that giving up sacrifice, giving up something that we're attached to for something that we realize we value more greatly, more deeply and the people who are involved in this project and who are showing up and who care are people I trust, I know, I presume are people who value being part of the solution, who want there to be a solution, who are willing to give up, who are willing to sacrifice, ideas, stories, concepts, judgments, comparisons to the need to understand in order to be drawn into becoming a part of the solution. Because the mosaic needs us all to be there. So something went funny. Oh, here we all are, at least Alex is. Okay, so that's sort of the conceptual framework. I'm going to tell Coleman that he's welcome to unmute if either of our current guests want to say something, respond, ask a question and have at it if you want to, otherwise I will keep babbling. Okay, I'll keep babbling. It's in some sense amazing to me, it's certainly noteworthy to me how subtle the ideas can be, the stories can be that get in the way of our becoming who we're meant to be, who we're needed to be, never mind meaning, but who we're needed to be in order to become the essential and unique part of the mosaic that we potentially are and that if you prefer to think of it this way we're created to be. It doesn't make any difference. There is a niche in the mosaic and how we get from here to our niche, our place in the mosaic, which of course is, the mosaic is alive, it's evolving so that niche is alive and evolving and we're not, it's not a static target so it's some, there's a fluidity called for responsiveness, a subtlety of attention, a breadth opening up our sensors to be aware of that which is drawing us on or perhaps nudging us on and allowing that to flow us toward where we're needed to be or it may be no other where in the physical sense, but it may be a different where in this sense or even in our heart sense. So to become aware of those places where we're holding on, where we're attached, that we are being encouraged by our desire, our willingness to be part of the solution that we're being encouraged to sacrifice, to let go of because it can feel, it can feel like a neat cleaver to the heart at times, a guillotine, be willing to sacrifice those self-images, those concepts, those ideas about ourselves and about other people and about all the problems that we see needing a solution, that can feel very sacrificial, it can feel bloody and painful, but that's the becoming aware of those layers. And I don't have a one-size-fits-all or even one-size-fits-one maybe idea about how this happens, but I know from having observed and having lived that this is a process that is alive and it's working on us and doing what it can to, like a pumice stone, abrade away that which gets in the way of our becoming, who we are called to be our essential and unique selves that fit into, which sounds too static, fit into our place in the mosaic, which I say mosaic, that's the name of this program and I think it's a good one, but it also can be conceived as a dance to find our steps in the dance, to find our place in the dance, to get the feeling of the dance in our bones and sinews and blood vessels and nerve endings so that we're participating in the dance. Dance is much more dynamic than mosaic. They both have some relevance or body. Am I a cell in the pancreas of this body that is the solution? So I don't know, but it's an ongoing process. I believe and the rest of us who are deeply involved in this work believe and trust that it's active and doing its best to work on every one of us, every single one of us on this planet. And some people don't like that, so they set up defenses, they get more attached to their ideas. They contort themselves and distort themselves so that they can try to get away from that breath that's inhaling them into their place in the mosaic or breathing them into their function in the dance. But for those of us who are here and those of us who will be here, it's working on us and it's wanting to work through us, although that sounds too anthropocentric, anthropomorphic. There's something. And I think of it as being alive, evolving, that which sings the dance, the body of the dance, the source of the dance, the designer of the mosaic, the life of the mosaic, whatever it is. Who cares? I don't care. You may. I don't. But that's one of those things we may need to be sacrificing is giving up, trying to understand that or trying to say what it is, trying to analyze it, trying to control it, whatever. We need to be giving that up. Okay, somebody wants to talk and I'm going to put on my dear little earphones. They're so cute. Okay. There we go. I just want to say, Martha, that I always find these discussions almost unbearably difficult for me. I find that because I can so face, I can so see, and in the neighborhood where I live in Southern California, there's a lot of political stuff up that I find incredibly challenging. The problems of the environment, the problems of our political system, of our political discourse, are vividly displayed every time I step out my door. And I just want to say that today, the idea that there is a solution sounds utterly impossible. It doesn't just sound improbable. Now, tomorrow it may be that I'll go get the solution, but I have no place in it because my health is so bad that anything I do that runs the risk of making me angry or upset could literally kill me. There are always so many things. I have daily practices, daily meditation that I do, and dealing with some of these things in the abstract seems to be helping. But what are you doing when you find that? I mean, really, it's very easy. I had a t-shirt when I was a kid. I didn't even understand what it meant. My mother bought it for me because she thought it fit. And it said, I love mankind. It's people I can't stand. I've recently been saying to people, even atheist friends, I've been saying, you know, I love Jesus. It's Christians I can't stand. I don't really mean that for all Christians, but I find that I frequently feel that. What do you do? What do you do to make it real? To acknowledge that beautiful abstraction of picturing all of humanity and all that. Oh, there's this mosaic, which, by the way, comes from the same root as music. So I think when I picture myself as a single voice in an incredibly large choir, it's so beautiful. And then, like, I will walk out my door and there will be a campaign flag that is almost literally hitting me in the face that will upset me so much that it all goes out the window. How do you, particularly, or how ought I to deal with moving from the abstraction to the literal? Good question. Thanks a lot, buddy. Nice to have a good question. It's a practice, right? And also, to bring it back to sacrifice, I think there's something to do with willingness. And you're showing up and speaking, as you just did, demonstrate some willingness to maybe sacrifice some of the ideas you're attached to, some of the skills you have with words, some of the—who knows what? I don't know what, but I know that to face the reality of it, I live here in a bubble. So it's very easy. It's much easier for me to see and visualize and understand the idea. I love the fact that Mosaic is music and that idea of it's a song, it's a symphony, as well as a dance, as well as a Mosaic, as well as a body. And I mean, I meditate. I avoid large groups of people. My spiritual condition is my most valuable resource. And that often means that I need to sleep a lot. And because my physical health is an important part, I can't do my life if I'm not physically well. I'm taking care of my physical self, which includes good nutrition and lots of hydration, and sleep, and mild and gentle exercise, like walking up here, all those things help. And largely, I think it's a matter of training the brain and being aware when my head is going into the negativity, because my feelings, the feelings come up and I don't need to welcome them or engage them. I can just notice them. I can thank them. I can be grateful that I'm capable of feeling, because for years I wasn't very good at that. And I can push them aside. I can focus on something. I have control over my attitude. That's pretty much all I have control over. And I have control, almost as much control over what I'm paying attention to and what I'm putting my focus on. So I can shift my focus, which sounds like denial. I mean, if I'm walking out my door and there's a political sign that is contrary to my prejudices, I can choose to ignore it. I can also, thank you for sharing, I choose to be grounded within myself. I choose to be true to myself. I choose not to engage in that dialogue or monologue and work and pay attention to that and be willing, I think a large part is the willingness that you're showing up by talking to it, is to let go of what I need to let go of in order to become a vibrant, vital part of the solution. Because it does take letting go of stuff. And how we do that is we do it together by your coming and saying, okay, how do I do this? And we do it on our own and there are spiritual resources as you've accessed some in your community is my understanding. But I think for every person, like each unique and essential, we each have a unique path. And somebody walking on my path could just jump off the closest cliff or bridge. But to explore it and know that there's the support, there's the vitality, the life of the mosaic, which is wanting to be lived through you. It's not just you. There's a force that wants to be known and recognized and affirmed and in relationship with you. There's a responsiveness of mutuality here. It's not just Danielle. It's this whole dynamic. It's this whole process. And so to recognize yourself as part of that and a valuable, essential part of that and a struggling part of that at this particular point, but working towards becoming more aligned with it so that the times of discomfort, which are inevitable, will be more worthwhile, they'll be more acceptable. And what I find myself is when I begin to recognize and realize that this thing that is this horrible thing that's going on for me and with me and with me at this point is simply part of my process of formation. And then it's a gift. It's custom crafted to mold me into the shape that's needed. I have a wonderful stick I like. I don't think I haven't done it on the show recently, but everlasting. And everlasting, you know, God's mercy is everlasting. Everything's everlasting. Alast is the form, the wooden or metal form on which the cobbler, the shoemaker, mold stretches, forms the leather so that it can be of use. And so if we look at the process of becoming the person, becoming the piece of the mosaic or the voice in the chorus that's needed as an everlasting process, it means we are continually being molded and stretched and formed. And it goes on. There's no final solution here. It goes on. It continues. But what I'm finding is that it becomes more, as I become accustomed to it, I say, ah, so, there you are, everlastingly. Yes, okay. This is just, okay, I can accept this. I can breathe into it. I can even on my better days welcome it because I know I'm in the process. I'm not alone. And that knowing that I am part of something, I'm part of a process, a chorus, that carries me when if I'm thinking just about me, I, you know, skip it. I can't do it. It's too hard. I don't have the resources. I'm, you know, list the list. Does that help? Or maybe not. But anyway, I can't hear you. Did I do something? Hold on. Coleman? I'm not hearing Danielle. There we go. Now, yes, there were, I should have been taking notes because there were a couple of things that you specifically said that really resonated. And it's always beneficial to hear that the struggle is part of the victory because the struggle just feels like an endless struggle for me sometimes. When I lived in Vermont on a dirt road, I used to see not quite this time of year, but soon we'll have spring peepers that need to get across the road. And we'll have those little red salamander things that need to get across the road because they're going to the vernal pool to breed. And you'll see them smashed all over the roads. And I used to gladly stop and pick them up and carry them across the road. And it occurred to me that recently that I will, I still do that in my own way. Here at snails and earthworms that get stranded on the sidewalk when it's raining or when the sprinklers are on, I will gladly stoop and pick up a worm, but it occurred to me that there are politicians that I would laugh at and watching them if they were in a ditch or laying. And I am not pleased or proud of myself with that. I also want to point out that Alex, I'm looking at your room that you're in and the type of doors and the type of door frames are reminding me of a home I lived in during an especially happy time of my life in Montpelier and it's creating a beautiful kind of homesickness right now. So thank you for sharing the image. It's really helpful to me. Thanks, Danielle. I think it's good to recognize that one of the things we need to let go of is denial if they're politicians who'd like to see squirming in the ditch. Yeah, sure, if I pretend it's not. I'm sure they'd probably be happy to see you squirming in the ditch too, whatever. But we're all part of the... There's good music is made up of dissonance and resolution, right? And you're a composer and so you know that. So we get stuck in dissonance for a while. I keep messing with the sound thing here to try to get you so I can hear you but not be deafened by you. Say something. Yeah, okay, go ahead. Yeah, it's just been odd. I keep not being able to unmute every once in a while. Yes, well, thank you. And I've been holding on to that ever since I saw someone talking about the muses and how that is the derivation of mosaic and of music. Of the muses and muses and museum. A place to go and be uplifted by the music. Yeah, yeah. So in my back, I'll get ever since I read about that a month or so ago. But anyway, I know we're running out of time and I just want to reiterate that I really appreciate you and this is hard for me to show up to and hard to unmute and talk about but it's also I think a very necessary thing for me right now. So thanks. Thank you. I don't see that we're running out of time. Some of the clock seems to have gotten strange. Okay, I didn't know exactly how long. Yeah. We're not quite at 11. No, well, my clock up there says we have 22 minutes and 37 seconds left but it may have gotten wonky. I suspect it did. But Coleman will come out and fix it because that's one of the things he does. Well, thank you. Clocks off. Clocks off? We're a little over. Are you going to change it? What? Oh, we are. Okay, all ready. Oh, whoops. Sorry, Alex. Okay. Sorry we got carried away. It was so much fun. Come back, Alex. You'll have a chance to speak. Thank you, Danielle. Blessings. Oh, I see what happened. It went back and turned around.