 Lux presents Hollywood. Lux Radio Theatre brings you Cary Grant and Claudette Colbert in The Awful Truth with Phyllis Brooks. Ladies and gentlemen, your producer, Mr. Cecil B. DeMille. Greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen, that a feeling of gaiety and excitement along Hollywood Boulevard tonight, lights are ablaze and crowds are gathering in front of our theatre. All the visible signs of a Hollywood opening are here to welcome the Lux Radio Theatre back to the air after our summer vacation, but there's another scene that interests us more than the bright lights on Hollywood Boulevard. The scene repeated some millions of times throughout the country. It's the scene in your living room where you and your family once more occupy the reserved seats which are yours tonight and every Monday night. You are the ones who've made this theatre possible by your purchases of Lux Flakes and Lux Toilet soap. We owe you an obligation to make this new year in the Lux Radio Theatre the most entertaining in our history. And tonight we pay you the first installment on this obligation by presenting The Awful Truth starring Claudette Colbert and Cary Grant, which reminds me that we still owe an obligation to Miss Colbert. Whenever she's done a comedy for us in the past, Claudette has always said that next time she'd like to do a serious drama and we solemnly promised that she could. And we'd keep that promise if she'd give us the chance. But we're continually finding comedies that she insists on doing. And I'm not a man with either the courage or the inclination to refuse Claudette anything. At lunch not long ago, we talked about plans for the opening, for the coming season in the Lux Radio Theatre. The moment I mentioned The Awful Truth, I noticed a hungry gleam in Claudette's eyes. But quickly explained, of course, that wouldn't interest you, it's a comedy. I was wrong again. Before we came to desert, Claudette was asking for the script. The memorable performance of Cary Grant as Jerry in the film produced by Columbia Pictures Corporation instantly suggested him for the same role in our radio adaptation, but he was easier to cast than to find. In fact, Cary Grant is probably one of the hardest men in Hollywood to find. Our intelligence service, however, tracked him to the beach where he'd gone swimming with Phyllis Brooks. That gave us another idea, and we signed them both right there, dripping wet. And so, ladies and gentlemen, the very pleasant truth is that we're ready to give you the awful truth. As we raise the curtain on a new season in the Lux Radio Theatre, enact one of our plays, starring Cary Grant as Jerry and Claudette Colbert as Lucy, with Phyllis Brooks as Barbara. The sun lamp room of a midtown Manhattan athletic club, hank the attendant his piling towels on a shelf, as a young man in Jim Trunks makes a hurried entrance. He's Jerry Warriner, a tall young man, well built and healthy, but just now there's a sharp contrast between his decided power and the two dark, magnificent circles under his eyes. With a quick movement, he bounces up on the table and stretches out for a durious way. All right, hank, my man, turn on that sun lamp, give her all she's got. Well, about 15 minutes on each side is all I'd recommend, Mr. Warrner. No, 15 minutes, nothing. I've got to get a deep Florida tan if it takes all afternoon. Give it the juice. Well, OK. Atta boy. All aboard for Miami. Pound beats and points out. Hi, Jerry. Oh, hello, Frank. I heard you were in here. Thought maybe you'd like to play a little squash. Sorry, Frank, no time. Say, you're awfully white-skinned for a guy who just spent two weeks in Florida. No, that's just what I thought. What did you do down there? Carry a parasol? Or, uh, didn't you go? Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, don't let any idea like that get around. Uh-huh. I get it. You're still on the little wife, eh? Oh, now look, Frank, I'm surprised at you. I'm supposed to have been in Florida. Now, suppose one of Lucy's friends says, why, isn't he tanned? Well, Lucy's going to be embarrassed. Well, I'm going to be tanned. Lucy's not going to be embarrassed. And what wives don't know won't hurt them. What was it? A poker trip? Sure. A fellow's going to bust out once in a while. Assert his independence. Boy, did I assert it. Ah, you certainly look it. But I bet you wouldn't like Lucy to pull a stunt like that on you. Why not? After all, a person doesn't have to stop being an individual just because she gets married. Uh, maybe. Anyhow, how about coming over to my house for breakfast? We were all out late last night and some of the gang are stopping by. I got a better idea. Everybody come to my place. Lucy will fix up breakfast for us, and maybe later we can sneak away and play some golf. What do you say? I'm convinced. I'll see you later. Ladies and gents, come on in. The joint is yours. Jerry, that's Sunburn. You're positively familiar. Yeah. Wait till Lucy sees what Florida did for you. Yeah, where is she? Hey, Lucy! Lucy! Surprise! Hey, where's Mama? Where is she? Welcome back, Mr. Warner. Hello, Celeste. Will you tell Mrs. Warner I'm here? I'm sorry, sir. Mrs. Warner's not at home. Not home? Where'd she go? I don't know, sir. Oh, well, uh, uh, when did she leave? I'm not sure, sir. I think last night. You mean she hasn't been to... Oh, well, okay. Never mind. Uh, what's the matter, Jerry? No welcoming arms to greet you this trip? Mind your own business. Well, yeah. Come to think of it, she probably ran up to a ramp at this cabin in the mountain. She always dodged it. She gets lonely. I suppose her Aunt Patsy wasn't home? Oh, I get it. I'm up to my neck and funny people, huh? No, no, seriously. I wish Lucy would go out and get some fun for herself now and then. Do it good. That's the trouble with marriage. People are always imagining things, and the next thing you know, they end up in a divorce court. Ah, the broad-minded man from Miami. Yeah, yeah. Well, if you think you're going to get a chance to prove my broad-mindedness, you're crazy. She's up at Aunt Patsy's cabin while I'll bet on it. Saying, is that a spot, Frank? Why, the fish just... Hello, everybody. Up at Aunt Patsy's cabin, eh? Well, there's Patsy now. Some fun, eh? Oh, shut up. Hey, turn that radio off, will you? Oh, Patsy, how did you get here? By invitation. Lucy invited me yesterday on the phone. Say, what is this? Lucy invites me, no Lucy. Where is she? I don't know. I... Jesus, good to see you. Oh, it's grand. You're looking marvelous, Jerry. Yeah? Oh, oh, I nearly forgot Alma. Alma, come on in and meet everybody. Alma's the best music teacher a woman ever had. Aren't you, Alma? Thank you, my dear. You know Alma, Levi Jerry, of course. Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. How are you? How do you do? Everybody else, this is Alma. How do you do? All introduced, I can relax. Oh, Alma and I have the most terrible time. Yes. I imagine you must have. Where was the recital? Oh, now, silly, what do you mean? Oh, I didn't know they had recitals in the morning and the people went to them in evening clothes. That's horrible, isn't it? Well, Alma does look silly in tales at this time of the day, doesn't she? Oh, it was such an awful time. Oh, why? Somebody sing off pitch? Oh, now, stop it, darling. You don't know what happened. Alma's car broke down a million miles from nowhere. He had to park near the front house and hike to the nearest town to get them to tow the car. And then he had to stay there, hang around garages and things to pick me up in the morning and bring me home. Oh, that's all right. It was dreadful. We were coming home from a party. You were the loveliest human being there. Oh, thank you, Alma. You say the nicest things. Well, Jerry... You understand, don't you? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. Mr. Werner, you have the continental mind. Oh, sure, that's it. I've got a continental mind now. So sorry, but I have to run. That horrible dressmaker of mine. Oh, of course, darling. You know too, Lucy. I'm sorry. Oh, wait a minute. What's the idea? The party hasn't even started yet. Oh, sure, sure. We know, but you probably want to talk to Lucy. Oh, come on, people. I'll give you all a hand. Oh, OK. Mr. Luvel, why didn't you let Frank give you a hitch? I wanted to explain. You see, Mr. Werner, the next time I take your wife out, I hope... I hope you buy a new car, else alone you're mine. Are you hungry? Oh, thanks. Well, yes, I am. Now, why don't you run out and get a bite? Big strong fellow like you should take care of himself, sitting in drafty garages all night. Mr. Werner, what have I done? That's what I'm going to find out. Oh, now, Jerry... Well, we'll discuss this in private, please. That is, if Mr. Luvel can remember where we keep our door. Very well. Perhaps it's best this way, Lucy. Will I see you soon? Well, of course. Oh, it's all been so perfect, Lucy. Thank you for everything. And, Mr. Werner, I think you must be out of your continental mind. You know, that was pretty funny at that. I mean, would he just... Oh, very funny. Brush me off, will you? Well, he's gone. You can speak freely, darling. Well, Lucy, what have you got to say for yourself? For yourself. Oh, that's so smart. Well, I knew you'd say that, and I'm prepared to answer. Our ma was invited to the party by a young man whose sister is a pupil of our ma. Our ma invited me to go along. I went because I could think of nothing better to do. Believe it or not, I was lonely. Yes, and then the car broke down. Yes, and then I stayed at the farmhouse. I slept badly because of insufficient blankets. Twice during the night, I coughed. Now, let me see. Was there anything else? Now, look, Lucy, this situation isn't amusing, although you seem to think it is. If you had sense enough to see it, you'd know that our marriage is teetering on the edge of a cliff. Well, you'll try to be funny, but perhaps marriage doesn't mean anything to you. Perhaps you've no sentiment left for me. Look at this on the table, a letter I wrote you from Florida and you didn't even open it. It's enough to destroy one's face, isn't it? Oh, I haven't any faith left in anyone. Not even in that conscientious soul at Miami Beach who followed your direction so nicely and nailed me a letter every day? What on earth are you talking about? Oh, darling, you look so cute with your little athletic club sudburst. Rather like a small boy who's just had his curls cut off. Well, I don't like to be unpleasant, Jerry, but you were not in Florida. God, don't change the subject. You weren't in Florida and you weren't in Montreal that time you said you were going there. Once you even had the letters mailed from the wrong place. Huh? That dear Lucy, Charleston is such a quaint city. And the quaint thing about Charleston is Charleston's postmark is Perth Amboy, New Jersey. Nice trick your friends laid on you. No, no, wait a minute. Don't try to justify your behavior by insinuating things about me. What? But I haven't any behavior to justify. I've just been unlucky, that's all. You came home and caught me in the truth. It seems there's nothing less logical than the truth. Oh, a philosopher, huh? You don't believe me? How can I believe you? Oh, listen, Jerry, don't you see that there can't be any doubt in marriage? The whole thing is built on faith and if you've lost that, you've lost everything. Yes, I suppose when that's gone, the marriage is washed up, isn't it? Do you mean that? Sure. Oh, I guess that settles it. I guess it does. Let me tell you something. Well, let me tell you something. I wouldn't go on living with you if you were dipped in platinum. So go on. Oh, go on, divorce me. It'll be a pleasure. Divorce you? Are you crazy? Do you think I want people to think you prefer that music lover to me? Huh? Well, then I'll divorce you. It's customary anyway. I think it has something to do with the husband being a gentleman. Never mind the gentleman stuff. Just get going on it. Go on. I'll call the lawyer right now. By the way, what's the most convenient day for you to be divorced? This is Werner. The court grants an interlocutor decree of divorce to the plaintiff Lucy Werner. The divorce, if not further contested, will become final in 90 days from this date. That will be all. One moment, Your Honor. There's one matter still unsettled. According to my client, Mr. Werner, it's a matter of... Uh, Mr. Smith. Yes, Your Honor. Mr. Smith. And who is Mr. Smith? Mr. Smith is a... He's their dog. No, no. Mr. Smith is my dog. He's mine. Uh, silence. But Mr. Smith belongs to me and she's got him. I told you to keep quiet. Oh, ignore him, Your Honor. I told you he was impossible to get along with. Oh, well, let's hear it. The animal at present is in Mrs. Werner's possession. Mr. Werner wishes to have him because... Because he's mine. He is not. Yes, so. He is not. Silence. He is not. This seems to be a custody case. And in custody cases, we frequently permit the final decision to rest with the, uh, the dog. Ah, ah, well, now we're getting somewhere. Now let Mr. Smith decide whom he wants to live with. Silence, please. Well, Bailiff, have the dog brought in. The custody of the dog will depend on his own desires. And let me warn you, neither of you must use any false means of influencing the animal's decision. Unpassion the dog, please. Now, you may each call the dog. Mr. Smith came to me, Your Honor. Custody of the dog is awarded to Mrs. Werner. Wait a minute! Well, that wasn't fair, Judge. Silence. The court is adjourned. Good day, Your Honor. Wait a minute. Come back here, you. You mean me? What's Mr. Smith doing with that rubber bone in his mouth? Well, it always was his favorite bone. Where did he get it? How would I know? Oh, you. You've stooped to anything. You hit that bone under your handbag and Mr. Smith smelled it. You're not going to get him away from me like that. Get him? I've got him, darling. Goodbye. Oh, why, Aunt Patsy? Is it doing anything besides folding? I don't think so. Nothing unusual ever happens around here. If I'd known we were going to be buried side by side, I'd never have considered taking an apartment with you. Yes, but I needed you, Aunt Patsy. You know the period of readjustment that comes in the wake of a divorce. Readjustment, my foot. Just another word for moping around. Oh, don't be silly. Oh, why, you know dozens of men who turn hands and try to take you out. But no, you'd rather sit around and readjust yourself. No, you're just an old grouch, that's all. Yes? Well, this is one old grouch who wants to go somewhere with his life, and I don't mean plant life. Well, we can't go out without escort, so that's that. Well, I don't need an escort to go down to the lobby. I'm going down to the newsstand and see Joe. He may be funny-looking, but he's a man, and maybe he knocks off early. Oh, Aunt Patsy, you wouldn't. Oh, I wouldn't, eh? You're talking to a desperate woman. Are you Mr. Wainwright? Well, I guess I've read pretty nearly everything here, Joe. Too bad, ma'am. Isn't it? I'm so bored. It's too bad they stop printing zippy stories. Yes, ma'am, that's what my wife says. Oh, she does, I see. Oh, pardon me, but did that copy come in of the Tulsa, Oklahoma bugle? Sorry, Mr. Leason. I guess maybe there's something wrong with the mail. Oh, that's too bad. Looks like I won't find out how we did it through O'Dale. Oh, ha-ha. How do, ma'am? Ooh, ha-ha, funny do. I hope you don't think I'm fresh. My name's Dan Leason, room 1214. Ma'am, I see you're coming in and going out sometimes. Oh, ha-ha, we've noticed you, too. You did? Well, say, who is that beautiful girl that's with you sometimes? And she has a dog, and, eh, well, she's beautiful. Oh, that's my niece, Lucy. She's just a little homebody. No. Mm-hmm. Say, I wonder if you do me a favor. Why, of course I would, Mr. Leason. What is it? Well, you see, I'm a stranger in town, and I thought that we might talk about a wonderful thing down there. Oh, I think it's just wonderful that we met this way. Oh, Lucy, Lucy, may I present Mr. Leason? Mr. Leason, this is my niece who was so anxious to meet. Her name is Lucy Warrner. How do you do? Oh, how do you do, ma'am? Uh, Mr. Leason, Mr. Leason's from Oklahoma, Lucy, and he'd take it as being right neighborly of us if we'd show him some of the bright spots. Well, it's raining rather hard. And Mr. Leason lives right across the hall with his mother. Isn't that what you said with your mother? Yep, with Ma. We're here on a visit. I'm in oil, you know. Oh, marinated, so to speak. Say, that's a good one. I must remember to tell that to Ma. Oh, I'm sure she'd adore that. Well, tell us all about Oklahoma, Mr. Leason. Well, we all think Oklahoma is... Well, it's pretty darn swell, isn't it? Oh, there's the door. I'll get it. Yes, Mr. Leason? Well, like I was saying, ma'am, Oklahoma is pretty darn... Oh, dear. Well, how's that for the intent, though? Well, well, hello, Lucy. Hello. What do you want? Well, now read this little legal document. I guess that'll explain better than I could. Well, what is this? That's a writ. That's what it is. A writ. The court just ruled that I'm permitted to see Mr. Smith for two hours a week. I am permitted to take Mr. Smith walking, riding, motorplay, no, motorboating, or aquaplaning. No, not aquaplaning. That's too dangerous, isn't it? Well, the order reads that I can visit with him and entertain him in any form or manner that does not endanger life or limb. And that would rule out aquaplaning. I suppose you've come to take him bicycling. Well, in this weather, are you crazy? Why, he catches death of cold. No, I've come to entertain him in any form or manner. Hey, where are you? I'll get him. Oh, Miss Warner, perhaps I... Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Leeson. This is my husband. Oh, I mean, oh. Well, he's only my husband for... How much longer is it? Oh, it's 60 days. No, no, no. 59. Well, how are you, Mr. Leeson? Howdy. I'm glad to know you. Excuse me, what do you say? I said, I'm glad to know you. Oh, well, well, well, well. How can you be glad to know me? I know how I'd feel if I was sitting with a girl and walking. Yes, I'll bet you do. What's that supposed to mean, huh? Nothing, nothing. Why don't you go and play with the dog? Sure, where is he? Hey, Mr. Smith. Where are you, fella? Oh, he's got this boy. See you, old fella, it's good to see you. Look what I brought you. You're all not a scrap. Come on, let's have a talk about it. You tell him he's about to play home on this, at least. Oh, yes. Well, I'm really a man of many interests out there, Mrs. Warner. Oil is my main business, of course. And I can't complain about that. It's treated me fine. And I have a big ranch that's more of a hobby than anything outside of Tulsa. Hi. Aunt Patsy, what are you doing here? Hi. Why don't you come out along with Mr. Leason? Patsy, Patsy, let me out of here. I'm lost here. Say, is anything wrong? Oh, no. I'm in the past with the dog. Oh. Good night, Aunt Patsy. I hope you know what you're doing. Good night, dear. Good night. That's what I am framed. Ha. You're trying to cook up something between my wife and that buffalo bill, aren't you? Your wife? She's still my wife for 60 days. 59. All right. 59, but she's still my wife. Do you understand? And what are you going to do about it? You'll find out what I'm going to do. Stick around and watch. I've got some rights around here. To entertain Mr. Smith in any form or manner. Oh, shut up. It seems a jerry to make good on those threats. We take a brief intermission from our play to hear from Mr. Rueck. Ladies and gentlemen, in our intermission before act two of the awful crew starring Claudette Colbert, a great grant with Phyllis Brooks, we bring you a musical interlude. Three charming young ladies will sing a song suggesting something about our product, lux toilet soap. Well, Sally, and what is your song going to be? Sweet Sue, Mr. Rueck. Shall we sing it? Yes, please. A sweet song. And you chose it because... Well, Mr. Rueck, because we think one of the nicest things about lux toilet soap is the way it leaves you feeling so sweet. So sweet Sue reminds you of a lux girl. Hmm, that's nice. And it's true that lux toilet soap leaves you feeling sweet and dainty. That's why it's such a delightful bath soap. Really, a fragrant lux toilet soap bath is the most refreshing experience you can have on your tired and feeling sort of, well, uncharming. It's rich, creamy, active lather. Just floats away, perspiration and dust and dirt leaves you utterly dainty. And when you consider how little lux toilet soap costs, only a few pennies, why every member of the family can share the luxury of this kind of bath. You know, it's because so many millions of cakes of lux toilet soap are sold that it can cost so little. So everybody, fathers, mothers, youngsters, babies, can have its gentle care. Remember that it's gentle. It cleanses beautifully. It leaves you dainty and sweet and charming to other people, as you always want to be. Buy three cakes at a time so that lux toilet soap will always be at hand. Our producer, Mr. DeMille. Act two of The Awful Truth, starring Claudette Colbert as Lucy, Carrie Grant as Jerry, with Phyllis Brooks as Barbara. It's morning, a few weeks after Jerry's hectic visit. Across the breakfast table in the lonely apartment, Aunt Patsy is looking at her niece with an expression of growing horror. What did you say, Lucy? I said, of course I liked Dan Leeson. Why shouldn't I? He's sweet and thoughtful, and you should be the last one to object. You introduced him to me. Only because he was a man who could take us out. I didn't expect you to get silly about him. Was it silly to like a man who's sane and considerate? I was married to one of those gay romantic types, and one's enough. Your toast is burning. Lucy, do you know what rebound is? That business of trying to get over one love affair by bouncing into love with somebody else. Yeah, it's fine. Except the rebound is rarely the real thing. There's the first bounce, the second bounce. And well, look at me. You wind up like an old tennis ball. Now look, I tell you I'm serious about Dan Leeson. He's a fine person. I liked him. I like him very much. I'm all through with Jerry. He doesn't mean a thing to me. I don't love him. What's more, I probably never did. I guess that surprises you, doesn't it? I hate Jerry Warner and I like Dan Leeson very, very much. I can hardly wait to see him tonight. And I hope he's just mad about me because I think he's the finest man I ever met. Lucy. I know, my toast. Mr. Goodness, Mr. Warner, I think it's simply wonderful of you to come here just to hear me sing. Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah, sure, sure. Mr. Warner, you're awful sweet and all that, but you always seem to have your mind on someone else. Or maybe it's someone else. Am I right, sugar pie? Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm in love with love. Uh-huh. In the spring, a young man's fancy likely turns to what he's been thinking about all winter. Say, uh, how long have you been talking like Amos Nandy? Oh, for a long time. It helps me in my work. Well, shut my mouth. Who's that girl just looking pretty to just coming in? Oh, well. Oh, my, my. Well, you've heard that gag this time around, town. Who was that lady I saw you with? You mean that's no lady, that's your wife? Ah, that's my wife. I guess this is our table over here, Lucy. Sit down. Come on over and meet her. Uh-uh, this is Miss Dixie Belle Lee. This is Mrs. Warrener, and this is Mr. Leeson. The gentleman, Mrs. Warrener, is going to marry. That's right. I'm not about to meet you all. Now, you're sure we're not intruding, huh? Well, what do you mean? Well, wouldn't you like to buy us a drink? Oh, oh, well, yes, of course. Well, sit down. Oh, thank you. Ah, well, my, my, my. Isn't this cozy, huh? So, uh, so you two are going to be married, huh? Oh, I was glad when I heard that. Yes, I said to myself that Leeson's just the man for Lucy, and then I said to myself... He's always talking to himself. Yes. This is a charming place, don't you think, Mrs.... Dixie Belle Lee. Oh. Do you like it, honey? I'm so glad, because I kind of feel like the place is mine. Oh, you come here often? Well, I work here. Didn't you all know that? No, no. Say, you're from the South, aren't you? Now, isn't he just the cleverest, yes. How'd you all ever guess that, Mr. Man? Oh, I don't know. It was just a shot in the dark. Shot? Shot with that? Well, you see, Dixie Belle Lee isn't her real name. No? Oh, no, no. She changed it because her family objected to her going into show business. Isn't that right, Dixie? That's right. Well, I guess I'd better go now and get ready. You reckon you all can stay to see my aunt? Of course we'll stay. Well, nothing could drag us away. Well, I'll see you later, honey child. I'll be here. Mm-hmm. She seems like a lovely girl. Ah, she is, Lucy, but wait till she sings. A golden throat, that's what. I keep coming here all the time just to listen to her. How faithful of you. Does she really sing awful good? Well, no. I don't think her singing's up to Lucid now. Dixie has a sort of an elfin charm. She's gonna say quiet if you know what I mean, and I don't. Dan, dear. I don't. Don't you think you ought to ask Jerry about it now? Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. About what? About our mind, Jerry. What mind? Our mind. You know our cold mind. It's our last time, Jerry. And, well, I was telling Mr. Leeson how badly it was doing, and he thought maybe he could do better with it. That's right. I'd like to gamble on it, Mr. Warner. I'm pretty lucky. Do you know what they call me out west? I can guess. Well, how about us having a conference at my apartment tomorrow? Well, I don't know. I'll have to think about it. That presents that great little artist, Miss Dixie Belly. Oh, isn't it? I mean, unless she does a tank act. Uh-uh. Shh. Listen to this. I got an invitation for Mrs. Hudson. Say, she'd go great in Oklahoma, wouldn't she? Come on. Swing it, Miss. Well, what's the trouble, Lucy? Dan, I think you'd better take me home. But, Lucy, we can't walk out in the middle of Miss Lees singing. Oh, don't you like her, Lucy? Oh, I love her, yes. I can see now it was easy for her to change her name and for her whole family to change this. Come on, Dan. Well, all right, if you want, Lucy. Don't forget tomorrow afternoon at my apartment, Mr. Warner, about that mine. I'll be there. Big boy. All's best after all. I want to hear all about these mines. Well, I've got all the records and history with me. Oh, by the way, Lucy, I searched all over for the report McCall made before we bought it, but I couldn't find it. You must have it. Well, perhaps I have. Well, when you get a chance, take a look through your stocking drawer with you. You know, Dan, she always hides important things in the top drawer of her dresser. She does? Oh, sure. Sure, it's an old habit of hers. Every legal paper we ever had smelled a sachet. Even our marriage certificate. About the mine, Mary. Oh, yes, yes, the mine, uh-huh. I guess you don't know this fella here, Ma. He's Jerry Warner, Ma. Hello. I've seen you here, Mr. Warner. Is it? Well, it's funny seeing you. I met some people today and they spoke about you and, uh, about Lucy too. They knew you both before the divorce. Oh, I imagine you're running to dozens of people who did. They spoke very well of you, Mr. Warner. They said you were a real gentleman. No kidding. Got any gum? No. They, uh, they talked about Lucy too. Well, isn't it nice not to be forgotten by your old friends? You know, Lucy, as many times as I've heard your fine singing, I never realized that you, uh, must have had a teacher teaching you for some time in a romantic time. This woman I was talking to told me that, uh, oh, well, no matter. What's that, Ma? Look at this map, please. Now, about this new opening in the northern side of the mine. Now, Lucy, now let me show you the prospectus. Jerry, I think I ought to tell you that nobody's listening to you. Huh? Huh? What do you mean? Now, what could possibly be more interesting than the war in their mind? The war in a divorce. The gal's name meets clear in part. Oh, that's ridiculous. Is it really? Certainly, Mrs. Leeson. And so are you. Ah, no, no. Damn, relax, relax. No, Mr. Cubs. I'll explain. Mrs. Leeson, our divorce was one of those tragedies you read about in the newspapers. Yes? A trusting woman and a worthless man. Lucy's above suspicion, Mrs. Leeson always has been. She's as pure as the driven snow, as faithful as she is fair. I tell you something wonderful went out of my life when I lost her. Yep. I know just how you feel, Mr. Warner. How can you know how I feel to have used up the best years of a woman's life? Huh? Oh, well, folks, that's the way it goes. Excuse me, Mrs. Leeson, you're sitting on my prospectus. Oh, sorry. Well, I'll be going now. Take good care of her, Dan, won't you? I'm sure you'll be happy out where the West begins. All three of you. Maybe you'll succeed, Dan, where I failed. Goodbye now. Are you convinced about everything? What about the music teacher? Oh, now, look, you two. Why don't you go back to your room and settle things for yourself? What? And let me know how it all comes out. I'll tell you. Put a light on the window if it's yes and two if it's no. Lucy, will you? And if you can't make up your mind, just pull down the shade. Come on, Leval. I've got to do with all this. Why is he coming here? Because I sent for him. You said that. I still say why. He ruined your last happy home. He'll bust the Oklahoma deal wide open. That's just it. There isn't going to be any Oklahoma deal. I'm not going to marry Dan, Lucy. Why not? Oh, because I'm still in love with that crazy lunatic. There's nothing I can do about it. Bring it in. I'm a mad woman. Please stop this. Answer the door, will you? Come on, come in. How are you, my dear Lucy? I got your call. Yes. Look, I'm not. Sit down, will you? It's about Jerry. Ah, yes. Your husband. He's a very funny man, yes? Yes, he is. But I'm convinced he still cares about me or he wouldn't do the funny things he does. Yes, but he doesn't care much about me. No, he doesn't. No. And that's just what I'm getting at, Alma. You know that everything was all right that night. I want you to convince him that everything was just as we said it was. I'd be glad to. Does he carry a gun? Now, you're not afraid of him. Oh, of course not, no. But you know husbands. Then you'll do it as soon as possible, won't you? He mustn't know that I've had anything to do with it. Oh, very well. As soon as possible? Open up. Oh. Oh. It's Jerry. Oh, but this is much too soon. Oh, of course it is. We'll do something. I know what should I do. Well, you can't stand there. Go in the other room and hurry and don't come out. I don't care for this. Well, neither do I. Let him in on that. What's the matter? I, uh, nothing. You two want to be alone. No. Let's get right down to it. I've been a sack. Have you? I want to apologize. I know that Camp Nouvel couldn't have meant anything to you. But, well, guys, I can just make me murderous. I just want to... Oh. Oh, well. I just want to say I'm sorry for everything, dear. Oh, Jerry. Oh, look, Jerry. Let's meet later and talk it over, shall we? Sure. Yes, that's wonderful. Here's your hat. Goodbye, dear. Yeah, but... I'll call you. Goodbye. Oh. Are you trying to get rid of me? Oh, no. Of course not. Why should I try to get rid of you? Here's your hat. My hat? Well, that isn't my hat. Oh, no. Look at the thing. It comes down over my ears. Look at that. Oh. Oh, isn't that funny? Did you... Did you get a haircut, maybe? Well, not since I came in. Now, look at that thing. Doesn't that look funny to you? We saw a day. Look. Yes, I know. It's just a little roomy, but maybe they're wearing them that way this year. Well, I don't think so. I'm not. If you've got company... No, no. It's nobody. It's just Dan Leeson, probably. Well, I don't want him to see me here. I've called you enough trouble. I've just stuck in the other room. No! No, Jerry! No! No! I'm going to be happy. I'll wait in there till they start. Yes, but... I've come to tell you something. Hello. We've come to tell you, Lucy. Well, what have you come to tell me? I want to apologize for those awful things I accused you of this morning, Lucy. Yes. I've beaten up that awful woman said about you to go. No, of course. I'm not angry. I'm not angry. What? The curtain goes up. There's a word or two of wisdom, I believe, for the ladies. In the very brief moment before Kerry Grant, Claudette Colbert, and Phyllis Brooks return, I would like to make this observation about our product, luxe toilet soap. Everyone knows that nine out of ten screen stars use luxe toilet soap. And we're very proud of this fact because it's certainly a significant that such an overwhelming majority of these charming women whose very livelihood depends to such an extent upon their appearance have come to look upon luxe toilet soap as such a trusted age in the task of keeping themselves ever beautiful. But another fact, which is just as important and just as significant is that lovely girls, young women, and older women in every village and town throughout this broad land also look upon luxe toilet soap as a trusted age in the very important feminine job of keeping beautiful. Screen stars must have lovely skin because they're screen stars, of course. But for another reason also. These famous beauties have close-ups to face off the screen, too. They know that for every woman who wants to win romance and hold it, lovely skin is important. And that's why they are really glad to be able to pass on to other women the happy experience they've had with luxe toilet soap. Here's what Betty Davis says. I use luxe toilet soap regularly, as other Hollywood screen stars do. Why don't you use this fragrant white soap? So I'm going to ask every woman in our audience if she won't go to the store tomorrow and buy at least three cakes of luxe toilet soap and use this fine white gentle soap with active lather faithfully. And it is my honest belief that if you do this, when the three cakes have gone, you will be just as enthusiastic over luxe toilet soap as the screen stars. We pause now for station identification. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System. Lance Claudette Colbert and Phyllis Brooks proceed with Act 3 of The Awful Truth. Two weeks have gone by and the divorce is almost final. Determined to block Jerry's impending marriage to the society heiress, Lucy has tricked her way into his apartment. Just inside the door, she stands facing him, smiling coyly. Now that you're in, what's the nature of this visit? Well, I just saw that. You know what today is, don't you? Certainly. Our divorce becomes final tonight at 12 o'clock and tomorrow we'll both be back in circulation. That's right. I just thought I'd drop up to wish you a lot of luck. Oh, that's very nice of you, but I'm just on my way out. Where to? Well, if you must know, I'm on my way out to a pre-engagement dinner for me and Barbara at the fancy. Oh, Jerry, you can't. Who says so? You can't because you love me. The things you believe me guilty of couldn't cause aggravation and heartache unless you love me. Of course, I loved you. I said love, not love. Oh, you're so stubborn, Jerry. You're throwing away our happiness. Barbara's a fine girl. We'll get along swell together. But that isn't necessarily happiness, Jerry. Look, you and I fight and we disagree on every subject under the sun. But we were happy. It's no fun for me to come here practically crawling to you, Jerry. But our marriage is worth it. I'd do anything to make you understand that you and I belong together. Tomorrow will be too late, dear. Once you're free, the banters will officially announce your engagement and you won't be able to jail a girl whose gelting would be news for every newspaper in the world. You'll be caught by circumstances. You'll be lost, Jerry. Oh, I'm very contentedly too. Oh, no. You'll be miserable. Oh, you don't. Why can't you understand? I'll take it. Oh, no, you won't. I've got it. Hello? Give me that phone. Jerry, I think you're dead. Hello. My telephone. I only said hello. Hello. Shut up. No, give it to me. Hello. Tell her to call you back. Funny on you, you were going to ask me that. Hi. Who are you? Well, it's really very simple. That was my sister. Oh, really? Your sister? Now, how are you ever going to get out of there? Quiet. I didn't know you had a sister. Oh, sure. Sure. She just got back from Paris, dropped in to see me. You know. Oh, that's lovely. I'd love to see you. Oh, no, no. I don't think she can come over this evening. She has a previous engagement. Oh, I'm sorry. Well, naturally, dear. She's very anxious to meet you, but... Oh, yes. Tell her I'd love to meet her. Tell her the web-boxing. Quiet. Now, look, Barbara. Look, Barbara. Break her engagement and come over later. Yes, but I doubt that very much. Yes, I doubt it too. Well... That's right, dear. But I'll do my best to fix it up so the two of you will meet very soon. Goodbye. I will. Now, I'm in a fine fix. She wants to meet my sister. Well? You're a big help. Well, you know me. Anything I can do. Oh, to break it up. I see what you mean. Well, I'm in a fine mess. No, I'm sorry. Very really, I am. Yes, sure. But I wouldn't worry about it. Dear, she trusts you, doesn't she? Of course she does. Hello? Oh! Oh, I did it again. You have to take that from anybody. Hello? Quiet. No, you have to take it from anybody. Put your foot down. You're bringing your sister tonight. But, darling, I told you she couldn't make it. There's no reason for her to call you up every five minutes, is there? No, no, no. Look, dear, there's no reason for you to call me up every five minutes. Is there? It's too bad your sister couldn't come tonight, Jerry. Oh, yes. Well, she was terribly sorry, Mrs. Vance. You see, she didn't weather the boat trip very well. As a matter of fact, when I left, she was calling the doctor. Hey, you can imagine my surprise when I heard a woman's voice on the phone. You can't blame me for being suspicious, Jerry, darling. Certainly, I mean, of course not. I was thinking, dear. Mother, don't you think it would be nice if I asked Jerry's sister to be a bride's maid? Oh, lovely. Oh, well, I think she's sailing back to Paris almost immediately. She said she'd do her best to see you before she goes, though. Oh, you'd like my sister, Barbara. She's very much your type. Where did you go to school? Excuse me, what did you say? I said, where did you go to school? In, um, Switzerland. Oh. And, uh, you say your father was a Princeton man? Yes, that's right, sir. Class of 1992. He tells some very funny stories about the place in those days. He tells one in particular about a football game. It seems Yale was playing Princeton one day. Hey, beg your pardon, Mrs. Vance. Yes, Edward? Mr. Jerry's sister has arrived. What? Miss Lula Wariner. Hello, Jerry. Surprise. Oh, you maniac. What did you say, dear? Oh, I just asked how you were feeling. Oh, I'm feeling fine. Mrs. Vance, may I present my sister, uh, Lola. How do you do? How'd you do? Oh, it's lovely to know you, Mrs. Vance. Vance, my dear. Oh, sure, I forgot. Barbara, this is Lola. How do you do? How'd you do? Well, you know, it's nice getting a chance to meet you. I see your pictures in the paper and I, I wondered what you really looked like. I've, uh, wondered about you, too. Oh, well, thanks. Oh, Lola. Yes, dear? Uh, this is Barbara's father, Mr. Vance. Mr. Vance, my sister. How'd you do? How do you do? Well. Uh, what's the matter? Oh, nothing, only I never would have known you to Jerry's description. I think you look kind of cute. Uh, won't you sit down, Miss Robin Earth? Thank you. Say, did I interrupt something? Don't write on with your story, Jerry, honey. Oh, well, I was telling a story about my, uh, about our father. Oh, you were? We'll go right ahead, dear. Thanks. You see, Mr. Vance, it was Yale's ball on Princeton's two-yard line. Oh, Mr. Vance, I don't want to peer-root, but I wonder if I could have a little drinky. Why, uh, my sister, isn't there? Well, I had three or four before I got here, but they're beginning to wear off, and that is. Oh, well, don't look at me like that, Jerry. You like a little drink yourself. You know what we call him, isn't it? We call him Jerry's a nipper. He likes to sneak him when nobody's looking. Oh, he's all for cute about it, too. Yeah. I've seen him go along all evening. Apparently not having a thing to drink, and all of a sudden fall flat on his foot. Edwards, a glass of sherry for Miss Waterna, please. Well, sherry. Oh, no. I don't like sherry. Oh, Mr. Edwards, come here. Yes, Miss. You know what I want, don't you? About the three fingers? Yes, Miss. You snap it up, will you? I'm sorry to interrupt you, Jerry. What were you saying? Well, I was just telling them one of Father's stories. You've heard it. Oh, I have. You see, there was a minute to go. Dad had the ball, and I... Ball? What ball? What? The football. Well, ball. Look, look, I was just telling a story about when Father was at Princeton. You remember that. Oh, sure. Well, because I remember. Oh, yeah. You know, Pop loved Princeton. Yeah, he was there nearly 20 years. Oh. Yeah. If ever a man loved the place, he did. He just adored it, and he certainly kept it looking beautiful, too. You've seen the grounds, haven't you? The grounds? Of course. Well, Mrs. Vance, I'm afraid that my sister has a somewhat distorted sense of humor. So have I. Your drink, Miss. Oh, gee, thank you. Well, what she really meant to say was that... Oh, gosh, was that good? Whew, so thirsty. Must have been that ham I had for dinner. No, listen, you... When you get your liquor, Mr. Vance, it isn't too personal. It's imported from Paris. You don't say all the way? Oh, gee, that's pretty good stuff, though. If I ever get managed to get to Paris, I'm gonna look up the guy who sold it to you. If you ever get to Paris, didn't you just come back from there? Who, me? Oh, I only wish I had. Oh, I guess that's just one of Jerry's stories again. You know, when Jerry and I were kids, we were the worst liars in the neighborhood. We always used to pretend we had rich relatives who were going to leave us money. Oh, I guess it was harmless enough, though. Everybody knew we would just throw that kid in our cells. Are you sure everybody knew? We're sure. Who would be dope enough to look at Jerry and me and think we had money or a family? Oh, but you have to give Jerry credit, you little... We're proud of him, you know? He's worked himself up from nothing to this. What do you mean by this, Miss Warner? Well, now you look at me, I'm different. Now, it isn't money that counts with me. You're positioning life. No, sir. Now, it's art. All the time I was working at the Virginia Club, I thought about it. You worked at the Virginia Club? Sure. Didn't Jerry tell you? No, he didn't. You're a singer, Miss Warner. That's what I do. I sing. Well, perhaps you'd sing for us. No, no, no. I'd have made it some other time. You see, my... Oh, now that's the trouble with you, Jerry. You've tried to keep me in the background all your life. Well, of course I'll sing for you. Sure, I will. Do you own a piano? Right there. Well, thanks. Now, you see when... Oh, oh, wait a minute. Don't anybody leave this room. I've lost my purse. Good gracious. There's your purse, Miss Warner, on the chair. Well, my relief. Oh, Mr. Edward. Yes, Miss. When you kind of keep an eye on my purse, you know, right? No, no. I think we better go now. It's getting late. Oh, no, no. Not before I sing, Jerry. Who does your tuning? I'm sure I don't know. Well, maybe it's just a piano. What are you going to sing? Oh, it's a surprise. But the first time I sang this number, I think he was a critic. He said my voice had a... What was it? Oh, yeah. Elfin charm. A janna-fake quat. You know what I mean. Now, quiet, please. Robert, I'm afraid. I'm leaving for good. I don't blame you, Jerry. I really don't. You can leave now. Oh, no, no, no. I want to see you safely in the door where you can get your aunt's hair and out of mine. Mrs. Warner. Hello, Frank. I wasn't expecting anybody tonight. Will you turn off Patsy on here? Why, she ain't here, Mrs. Warner. She ain't been here for weeks. Oh, I get it. Another one of your little tricks, huh? Well, it won't work. I'm going back to town and I'm going alone. Good night and goodbye. Goodbye, Jerry. Be careful driving, dear. The key's to the car, the ignition key. Where is it? Well, I don't know. Did you have it when you came? Well, how do you think I drove here? Now listen, Lucy, you took that key and I want it back. I haven't got it. You have so got it. Do you want to touch me? Yeah. No. Poor Jerry. I'm afraid you're stuck here all night, darling. Isn't it a shame? A man of a fireplace. Just the way it was when we came here on our honeymoon, dear. Oh, now please, Lucy. The less you have to say about it, the better I'll like it. Well, it won't be long. It's a quarter after 11. 45 minutes and you'll never have to listen to me again. Just 45, 10 minutes. Honey, isn't it, Jerry? Well, it wasn't my fault. I only... I'll keep quiet. 45. Well, I'll be happy, I'd say. All this that happened tonight will be forgotten. I'll tell Barbara Vance myself that it was all a joke and that I want you to be very, very happy. It's only 30 minutes now, Jerry. Lucy, listen, I... Oh, what? Nothing. Oh. She seems to be a nice girl, Jerry. I'm sure she will mean more to you than to let you spoil your happiness, Jerry. I'll get along all right. Just be happy, darling. I'll get along all right. No one will ever know that I... Oh, I shouldn't say these things to that, Jerry. I'll get along all right. Wait a minute. Listen. Yes? Listen, Lucy. What? Listen, it's all off. I'm not going to go through with it. I don't care whether you love me or not. You're married to me and you're going to stay married. You hear? Jerry! Call the caretaker. No, I'll call him myself. Frank, Frank, come in here right away. Is there anything wrong, fool? Now listen, Frank, you're a witness. See, the divorce is off. Oh, Jerry! It's actually 30 seconds before 12 o'clock. We called off the divorce. Remember that and swear to it. You betcha. All right, now, uh... Get out. You bet... Wedding bells, darling. Every second that passes, I love you twice as much. Say it, darling. I love you, Lucy. I love you, Jerry. I love you, Lucy. I love you. Peace restored in the Wellano family. Terry Grant and Claudette Colbert are returning now to our microphone. In fact, the whole family is here with the exception of Mr. Smith, the dog. What happened to him? Well, I suppose he lived happily ever after, too. Oh, I envy those dogs. No troubles. No worries. No worries. You don't know my dog. He worries more than I do. I don't doubt it. I bet he's home worrying about this program right now. By the way, C.P., who does he worry about next week? What play are you going to have? Next Monday night, we're going to have Barbara Stanwyck, Brianna Hearn, and Ida Lapino. And the play is Wuthering Heights. One of the strangest love stories ever told. And certainly one of the most gripping. Barbara Stanwyck, Brianna Hearn and Ida Lapino. Hey, that sounds great to me. I don't think a dog will have to worry about that show, C.P. No. You know, my dog's a critic, too. Every once in a while, he chews up one of my favorite hats. Oh, chews up women's hats, huh? Well, I think he'll get his slant on that at every dog of his taste. You know, I was in a picture once with a dog that weighed 23 pounds when we started shooting, and a week later, he was up to 30 pounds. What was he eating, scenery? Oh, no, sir. The director was eating that. He had to wait for the mutt to reduce. Oh, no, C.P., what made the poor dog so fast? Ice cream? Every time he did his trick right, he got an ice cream cone, and that dog never missed. That was killing him with kindness. Couldn't you find a better way of rewarding him? Well, when we were shooting The Offer Truth, Mr. Smith's trainer used a mouse, a rubber mouse named Oslo, that squeaked. If Mr. Smith performed well in a scene, he could play with Oslo. Works fine, too, until he spotted a still camera on a set with one of those rubber balls dangling alongside. Mr. Smith thought it was the mouse, I suppose. Oh, it squeaked just as well. But you know, after that dog took his first picture, he wanted a dog room, but right in his doghouse. A very tall tale, Mr. Smith. Well, it was a tall doghouse, Claude. Really, he could have managed it. No, I'll carry it, just relax. But before I go, I want to say something about the product behind this program. I've used Lux soap now for a good many years, and from my own experience, I can recommend it wholeheartedly. Good night, C.P. Good night, C.P. Hello. Good night. The makers of Lux toilet soap join me in inviting you to be with us again next Monday night. From the Lux Radio Theatre presents Barbara Stanwyck, Brianna Hearn, and Ida Lafino in Wuthering Heights. This is Cecil B. DeMille, saying good night to you from Hollywood. This is Melville Rogue, asking you to be sure to listen to the Lux Daytime Radio program, The Life and Love of Dr. Searson. This human and gripping story of a young attractive woman doctor is brought to you every afternoon, Monday through Friday. For the time and station, see your newspaper. The Life and Love of Dr. Searson comes to you in addition to the Lux Radio Theatre. Heard in tonight's play were Lou Merrill as Dan Leeson, Gail Gordon as Frank, Ines C.Berry as Aunt Patsy, Ralph Sadan as Armand Lavaugh, John P. as Judge, Berna Felton as Mrs. Leeson, Forrest Taylor as a lawyer, Mary McDonald as Dixie Bell D, Ted Bliss as Joe, Lee Malar as Edwards, Molly Joe Duncan as Gladys, Anna Lisa as Celeste, and Ross Forrester as Hank. Claudette Colbert has just completed the picture drums along the Mohawk for 20th Century Fox. Kerry Grant appears through courtesy of Columbia Pictures and Harry Cohn, and will soon be seen in His Girl Friday. His current picture is the RKO production in name only. Louis Silvers is from 20th Century Fox where he directed music for The Rains Came. Casting system.