 Would I ever would I ever in a million years talk to somebody the way that that person's talking to me if not For me, that's emotional abuse What is up everybody, this is Chris from the Rewired Soul When we talk about the problem but focus on the solution and if you're new to my channel my channel is all about mental health So if you're into improving your mental and emotional well-being make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell So yeah, it is time for the January patreon Q&A But before we get started look what you are missing out on over on Instagram by not following me Daddy, I don't feel so good. Oh, no my baby boy is sick And I have these cough drops Thanks, daddy. Wait, are you a licensed professional? And there's a lot more where that came from coming real soon So go follow me at the Rewired Soul try to get to 10,000 followers. All right, but yeah, anyways, we're doing the patreon Q&A I love all of you so much supporting the channel over on patreon those of you who can't support the channel for our patreon That's cool, too, baby. Watch my videos. Watch the ads whatever it is, right? But anyways, the reason why I do the patreon Q&A I get dozens if not hundreds of messages a day through DM through tweet through email people asking me to talk about this subject Whatever and I wish I wish that I had enough time to answer everybody's questions to do all of the videos about all the things But I can't so every month I do a patreon Q&A This is open to everybody on patreon whether you're only doing a dollar month or you're doing $50 a month Whatever it is you get to participate in the patreon Q&A and I try to answer all the questions All right, so let's get started first question is what is your opinion on Hollywood making movies about mental health? I know psychology isn't your expertise per se, but it would be interesting to hear your opinion I've seen youtubers criticize movies like split because of its outlandish representation of DID and now they're making a sequel to it Do you think these movies are making the stigma against mental health grow even more? All right, you know, it's interesting Tristan and I just saw glass yesterday. Ooh, love that movie But yeah, someone actually gave sent me like a sassy tweet about split and DID And it's it's a yes and no it's you know, here's the thing like I when it comes to mental health Like we have to we have to work on ourselves like something I always try to teach you guys is it's a lot easier for me to work on how I handle the world rather than it is Expecting the rest of the world to change right so that is why I don't really get offended too easily That's why I'm not hoping that Hollywood or anybody is gonna change the way they do things in my opinion in my experience Most movies TV shows whatever it is that are depicting mental illness They're more using it to drive a plot than actually showing it as you know mental illness, right now There are some movies that do a great job. I've seen some movies that do a great job Depicting mental illness or depicting addiction or recovery or what therapy looks like or whatever it is but I truly believe that we need to like when we're going into a Movie or a TV show. We just need to remember like this is fantasy. This is fiction like like let's talk about split Let's talk about glass right like this is like a superhero movie You know what I mean like I don't I don't walk into a superhero movie Expecting them to depict mental illness in a perfect way. I expect them to do it in a way That's gonna drive the plot of a superhero movie now Last season of 13 reasons why like I did a bunch of reviews and there was a bunch of backlash and people are upset about it You know all these other things and To my understanding now to my understanding some people who are outraged about it They were upset because of the way the show is marketed Like people from the show the writers and like Selena Gomez and some others They marketed it as like as something that's really showing like mental illness or depression or whatever But they kind of like glamorize some things sensationalize some things and things like that So if something isn't marketed as this is an accurate depiction of DID or depression or you know anxiety or whatever If it's not marketed like that, we just need to realize hey This is for entertainment purposes to sit back relax enjoy a movie. You know what I mean next question What are some tips you have on how to have a positive positive body image? I know negative body image is a big problem in our society And it is often just a small part of a more in-depth issue I feel like giving some tips on how to think about oneself in a more positive way would be helpful Excellent question. So I don't know if you got the memo, but I'm a little bit chunky and I always had body image issues always So this right here. There's a picture of myself and my best friend Alex back in high school I am about 200 no no no probably only about a hundred fifty pounds heavier than I was in that picture Well, even when I was much smaller, I still had body image issues I always thought I was fat and stuff like sometimes I fantasize about if I had a time machine I would go back in time slap the hell out of my high school stuff self and be like you're not fat This is fat calm down. You know what I mean? But anyway, it's something I often tell people or teach all of you is like when I talk to you about like Money isn't gonna make you happy. It's the same thing with the body image thing We think once we get to a certain weight or we think once we get this Type of cosmetic surgery like I'm not against cosmetic surgery. I'm not against losing weight I've lost about 50 pounds in the last year or so and I'm still you know doing like things try to eat healthy I need to get my butt back in the gym. I've gone vegetarian. It's been over a year all these other things, right? But I know I need to get down even more on good news is I just saw my doctor and she says my heart's doing really Well, it could be doing better because I had congestive heart failure six years ago But anyways something that I had to do was learn how to love myself exactly the way I was Before before I could get happy at a lighter weight, right? Now body image has to do with a lot of different things right because some people it's not like me It's not wait. Maybe you don't like your your hips or your nose or your eyebrows or whatever Some people like to point it out like I didn't realize that I got a freaking gigantic forehead Which I've had since I was like five years old You know what? I mean like there's all these different things that we wish that we could change about ourselves But part of it is just acceptance right but we also need to remember like especially when you know You know when you have a significant other or you or you're married or whatever like Believe people when they tell you that you know, they're attracted to you right like some of us You know, we want more love more affection. We want all these things But if we're not believing that person then we're not truly accepting it you see what I mean So we need to start accepting ourselves on what we what we are and who we are and Working on what we can the last thing I'll say about this is The way I work on my mental health. I do not waste time focusing on things. I cannot change right? I focus on what I can change so my weight for example I cannot complain about my weight unless I'm trying to do something about my weight. Does that make sense? So I hope that answers your questions body image is different for everybody You know, I see people who are a third of my size who don't like their their you know their body, right? So it's going to be different for everybody But I do suggest like working on you know self-love and self-compassion and all that kind of question We're seeing more and more people struggle with social anxiety today even though social media is at its height What are your thoughts on this and what are some of your best suggestions for those who do struggle to leave the house or? Face real life people at events, etc. Whoo-hoo. That's a great question. I could do Entire videos about this right so yeah, we are more social We are more connected than ever before But we a lot like anxiety and depression are higher than they've ever been before too So this kind of goes back to that body image question, too So a lot of us are seeing things on Instagram or Facebook or Twitter, right? Or even advertisements of the most beautiful people or you know quote-unquote beautiful people or whatever it is And this can make us not happy with ourselves. You know what I mean now I am somebody who Like I grew up, you know in the 90s when like a well first came out and chat rooms And I've just always been more comfortable talking to people online than I was in person It's funny Tristan and I were just having a conversation like now I'm much more social like I'm able to be like there are times when my social anxiety like place tricks on me and stuff like that but There's there's yes and no to this right so I think we need to find a healthy balance of you know communicating with each other online because I am not one of those people who are like, you know Get rid of all social media right because we can be more connected than ever before But if we're just mindlessly scrolling through Instagram Facebook, whatever it is like I'm not like making connections with people then it is just one of these like mindless things that we're doing Which then it's difficult to Act in social situations, right? So if I'm just scrolling through not having conversations that affects me So that's one of the reasons I love everybody in the Facebook group or in the discord server Or some of you are in both like have conversations with with people and stuff, but a lot of social anxiety Is we are caring far too much about what people think about us when we the reality is we need to Care about what we think of us, you know what I mean next question I've been getting into writing scary stories for my channel because that's the content I feel the most comfortable making however after a month or so working with my therapist I think we've established that I fall into the category for panic disorder on the surface It doesn't seem to make sense that someone with panic disorder would be comfortable writing scary stories I speculate that it may be because I don't have control over what I'm afraid of in real life But when I'm writing scary stories, I have control over what scares me But again, that's just speculation as someone who works in mental health in the mental health field What do you think could be the reason is this a question? We were talking about Tristan So Tristan, this is this is very interesting either like either was this exact question or somebody else was talk No, no, no, I think we were talking about in a live stream, right? He didn't know Tristan's right over there. So Tristan Tristan loves scary stuff and like we were talking about this one time and This is just a theory. There's a hypothesis like maybe there's some research or some studies out there that I can look into That would be interesting Maybe Tristan could help me look into that right but the way Tristan was explaining to me Why she likes scary movies because I hate him. I hate scary movies. I hate jump scares Like I remember we went to go see What was it insidious or something like that? I remember just getting pissed I'm just like hurry up and scare me But what Tristan was saying is like in that movie like she knows she knows like I am here It is going to be scary. It is going to scare me, right? Like she knows that and then you know after the movie that's gone. That's it, right? So yeah, a lot of anxiety a lot of anxiety I know mine personally a lot of my anxiety had to do with control So what I would assume what I would assume there's just an assumption you writing you writing puts you back into Control right and this is one of the reasons why journaling or writing stories can be very beneficial to people Because a lot of anxiety is fear of the unknown But when you are in control of that story or that situation, I would imagine like that's why You're a lot more calm. Well, I don't even imagine when you are in more control. You have less anxiety like that's just that's just science, baby So that's what I think about that, but this is great I know a bunch of you out there like a lot of you love the Stephen King video I made so Thank you for that question and maybe I'll do some more research on it Next question is I am interested in learning more about emotional abuse I am particularly interested in covert abuse and how to detect and stop it So that's interesting. Um, to be honest, that is something that I'm still learning about like here's here's a thing So I'm gonna say this I get a lot of questions about emotional abuse because this is huge This is huge Right. I've been in many many many many Emotionally abusive relationships for way too long Tristan got me a book that I wanted on gaslighting that I'm gonna start pretty soon Hopefully I think that's the next like regular physical book I'm gonna read because I'm usually like reading one of those and I'm reading like an audiobook But yeah But anyways, a lot of people ask me about abuse like When it comes to abuse emotional abuse like I always tell people watch my videos on boundaries like watch my videos on boundaries and Like when it comes to boundaries and setting boundaries like you need to understand what you deserve and how you want to be treated So for and not the lies that your brain tells you like everybody deserves To be treated with respect to be treated with love to be treated with kindness to be treated with patience to be treated with Tolerance, right? Let's put it this way. Okay. How do you spot emotional abuse? This is this is what I do Okay, would I ever would I ever in a million years talk to somebody the way that that person's talking to me if not For me, that's emotional abuse But again, like some of this some of this is perception, right? Some of this are very sensitive very very sensitive and that's why gaslighting so tricky too is When when we're overly sensitive or we're not sure if somebody's gaslighting us We need to talk to other people we need to get a second opinion Like sometimes I have to ask, you know Tristan or friend like I'll have to show him something like maybe a message or even when I was Working at the treatment center. I would have to show him An email and say like am I getting too defensive over this because sometimes the way I interpret something is 1000% different than somebody else is so this is why meditation and mindfulness and having a support group to bounce things off of It's so important a lot of us have a screwed up mental filter and what that means is Information comes in our brain scrambles it up and it makes us feel some type of way our brain lies to us Like oh, that person's talking down to you. Oh, that person doesn't like you that person's being condescending Oh, that person dead, right? So emotional abuse is a very real thing But we also need to work on not being so damn sensitive all the time So like there's there's this balance that comes into it So I think the rule of thumb that you should use is would I talk to anybody in that same way, right? But like for example Y'all know me I'm tough love Chris and some people who are very sensitive They don't like that, right? So even though I'm not you know, I'm not being emotionally abusive They might take it as such just because they're more sensitive where there's people like me where I need people to give me tough Love right where they are hard on me. They call me out on my BS. They're stirring with me I need those people in my life, but I don't get overly sensitive about it anymore So I hope that makes sense best thing that you can do go get some books on emotional abuse Like the book I got on gaslighting and educate yourself usually most of these books written by doctors or therapists or you know Whoever it is. They have a lot of real-life examples in there It's not mental health related, but I'd still like to know how you and Tristan met on a cruise ship. No Just don't go on a cruise you silly billies. No No, so here's a fun fact like I I Legit think that almost every girlfriend I've ever had like I've met through some kind of Online thing like remember I'll say I'm more comfortable online than I am in person Like even though like I was going to the bars all the time back in my drinking days and stuff I wasn't the type of guy who would just like hit on a girl. I'd like a bar or whatever like that So Tristan and I actually met on the wonderful dating app Okay, Cupid and we talked for a little bit. We talked for a few weeks Like I was feeling her out She was feeling Mia and then I drove all the way across town because I'm such a sweetheart to a Starbucks where we had our first date and I probably even paid for it. Did I pay for Starbucks? Yeah, yeah, probably so yeah Huh? About how I almost stopped talking to you. Yeah So those of you like one of the reasons I talked to you guys about like black and white thinking so much is because Tristan almost lost a lost me. She almost lost this chunk of man right here No, there was like one day and it was back when I was living with my old roommate one of my good friends Nikki And like I wanted to hang out with Tristan. Have we already met by then or no? No, we had a met by then, but yeah I wanted to hang out with her like I didn't have my son that day like dating was hard like, you know Because I had my son on the weekends and Tristan was being a full-time nanny to her little cousin and whatever Like and we were gonna meet up on a weekend and then she was like, oh, I'm tired I'm just gonna sleep all day, and I'm like, are you serious right now? Are you serious with that? So all of you who are single like there's this healthy balance between not putting up with any BS But also giving people a chance. So I was living I was living. I'm like, you know what I'm done with this chick You'd rather sleep then come hang out with me I was like losing it and like my friend Nikki and I we went outside of smoke. I was telling her. I'm like, I'm done I'm done. Ha ha ha and she's like Chris. How about you calm down give her another chance? Maybe she's just tired So Nikki is actually the one who is responsible for this loving relationship and we've been together for over two years But anyways you guys that's why I keep teaching you to work on your black and white thinking Because Tristan went from all good to all bad real quick Next question is how can I start to improve the relationship? I have with my mom when she's a bit older and of the mindset that she's too old to change We've gone through a lot. She's all I have left really but we really clash hard. That's a great question So a few things now um I had to realize a long time ago that I can't change anybody this goes back to what I was saying earlier in this video You do not have the power to change anybody The the more you you exert your energy or even your mental or emotional energy Thinking that you're gonna change somebody you are wasting time right you are wasting time So my mom and I my mom's actually on her way into town right now as I'm recording this and when I first got sober My mom and I still had a really rough relationship Right and there were so many things I didn't like about her and all that stuff and we took a break I didn't talk to her for a few months because I had to work on me. Okay So we have an amazing relationship now and she hasn't changed at all So I always tell my clients when I tell this story like think about that for a second My mom and I have an amazing relationship now She didn't change at all. So what does that mean? That means the change came from within me The change is me and how I respond to her. All right, but anyways I made a video about how I forgave my alcoholic mom and I Highly suggest I highly suggest any of you who have these types of issues you go check that video out. All right But anyways the last thing I'll say I wanted to start out with that you can't change anybody But anybody out there who's watching this and you're older remember neuroplasticity. Okay, the brain never stops changing It is never too late the the old saying that uh old dogs can't learn new tricks or whatever it is Like yes, they can okay neuro plasticity. All right. That's just the way the brain works The brain doesn't stop changing and uh improving until the day you die. All right, so if you're alive You still have a chance next question is I'm trying to get my husband to dedicate time to our relationship But it's like pulling teeth I've finally managed to get him to agree to going to a dance class with me because I think it'll Be a great way to build intimacy and communication and if we find it's silly we can laugh about it I've tried explaining to him that it's important to me that we spend time together But how do I get him to think it's good too? I've told him it's cheaper than a therapist, which I want to do as well Great question. So the first thing I'll say is be grateful be grateful that he's doing That okay, that is extremely important. All right Now the other thing I'll say is like manager expectations with it Like I can already tell just from this like I want to go there. I want to laugh I want to have a good time and you know, whatever it is, right? Like be grateful that he's going Okay, and when I say that it's just baby steps I'm not saying like be grateful and like kiss the ground that he walks on or anything But we need to celebrate small victories Now in my in my opinion this part about like what I want to go to therapy as well I talked about this in a different video, right? I personally do not believe in couples therapy as much as I believe in Individual therapy. So couples therapy is great But I think individual therapy is much better I've seen many relationships begin to heal just because one person was getting their butt to therapy All right, so if I wouldn't wait around for your husband to go to therapy Like it's great that he's going to the dance classes But I would recommend that you go to therapy start working on issues of why you feel neglected Why you feel this working with a therapist on a weekly bi-weekly or monthly basis and learning to set up, you know Boundaries and working on your communication and how to respond and all these other things that will definitely help And anybody out there like if if you don't have access to therapy through insurance or You know your your medical provider, whoever it is, right? My channel is partnered with better help online therapy. You can do it from your phone or your computer Whatever it is link is always down in the description. It'll be in the pinned comment as well Next question is would you uh talk about the logical fallacies? I think it's so important to understand ways in which people try to prove a point or win a debate using bad logic Many youtubers utilize these Anyway, I really love the science you feature. I love to see a collab with you See a collab with a neuroscientist or psychiatrist I love your mom perhaps continuing on the subject of impulse control You could bring one of the science youtubers cut away style to explain or perhaps drug and alcohol addiction science Or the science of instant gratification. Gosh, there's so much and so many youtubers to choose from I love this. This is an exciting question logical fallacies I don't know. I'm not sure. I've heard the term tossed around and stuff Um, but yeah, I do want to learn more about it. Here's the thing like I debate Like not constantly my debates last about five minutes. Okay. I usually reply to people once Maybe twice in my comments and things like that. But yeah, like you're saying a lot of youtubers use these tactics and everything um, I think it's important to just Understand and trust your knowledge while also being open to new ideas, right? A lot of us get stuck when we get stubborn and we don't we don't think about, you know, the possibility of a new idea Now, um, I do want to do more research on it. So hopefully I'll be able to dedicate a video to it So on the topic of neuroscientist, that's actually a good good idea So some of you have heard me mention, um, dr. Judson Brewer. He's a neuroscientist. He's also a psychiatrist He runs, um, he's like the director of research for the mindfulness institute and yeah, he and I we haven't talked in a while But he I actually did an interview with him when my channel first started So, yeah, maybe I can get some questions together for a neuroscientist And talk and reach out to him and see if I can get him as a guest on my channel But yeah, my mom, you know, uh, she has a phd in psychology Um, also the dr. Uh, faith harper who's made, uh, books that I've recommended to all of you Um, I want to talk to her and get her as a guest too. Next question What do you think about dear Evan Hansen since the main character is depressed and anxious and goes to therapy great question I actually saw this question. I was like, who the heck is dear Evan Hansen? So I saw this was like based on a book then turned into like a musical and they're doing Broadway and stuff So whoever asked this question I am going to try to see if there's a way I can see it and then maybe I can do a review on it But I was reading some information about it after I saw this question and posted in patreon And uh, it seems interesting. So I'm gonna check it out and then I will get back to you Next question is I hope I'm not too late for this Just saw your keemstar gas lighting video and it made me think of something I was in a long-term relationship where I think I was, uh, gas lit on occasion But the person would constantly accuse me of doing the gas lighting Normally the disagreements were about semantics. We would remember a different, uh, word choice being used It was really, uh, petty But the gas lighting accusations were, uh, very serious to me I have always wanted to do the right thing But I didn't only don't think I have gas lighting and even proved him wrong on occasion But over the years of this I began to question reality and what was really true My question for you is how do you know, uh, who is the one actually doing the gas lighting? Is that possible with this dynamic? Are there any short tests to prove one way or another? I hope this made sense. Thanks for all you do chris. Yeah, it makes sense One of the biggest issues I'll say this right now one of the biggest issues that I found in a lot of my relationships where we were constantly fighting Was there there's like this this this competition to see who's right and that's what it sounds like from this, right? Like who's right like it's this company like who wins who wins? Oh, you're the one who did it Right and it's like you're keeping score and keeping tabs. That's an issue right there Like that is a huge issue But I will tell you guys the antidote to gas lighting Is to bounce things off of other people But here's the thing too in your specific situation You got to be honest like if I'm because obviously there's two sides to every story So you have to have a lot of self-awareness and then whoever you're talking to you need to check your motives like am I am I Am I lightening up the things that I said to try to look good to my friend? So they agree with me. You know what I mean? So you got to be very very honest But this is another reason why a lot of people need therapy to talk about these things And I'm not sure if you're still in this relationship Or if it's an x if it's an x let it go start working on yourself your self-awareness Maybe get into therapy. All right, but also remember like in a relationship if you're trying to just win You're you're not in a healthy relationship next question I realized my last question wasn't a question. You'd be able to answer in in a sitting. Sorry. I already did baby Here's uh, here's one that's on my mind. Hey chris. What are your thoughts on seasonal effective disorder? I really suffer. I already suffer from gad and minor depression. So gad is generalized anxiety disorder. That's my diagnosis as well um I've considered getting a Viralux lamp for my office where I spend most of my day I'd like to know more about why this time of year is so difficult for people All right, so I was actually talking Tristan and I were talking about this a lot Um during the holiday season So for those of you who don't know a seasonal effective disorder It is kind of what it sounds like like you get more depressed Uh, when the weather changes. All right. Here's what I think here's what I think And here's why a lot of people need to go to therapy and get a proper diagnosis Is is because like you guys like it's almost like since And i'm not saying anything about you like who asked this question But I just want all of you to consider this. Okay Is it possible that the holidays just bum you out like the holidays suck for a lot of people? Okay Thanksgiving Christmas a month and a half later. You got Valentine's Day like holidays Sometimes okay for many many many years holidays just sucked. So it wasn't necessarily seasonal Effective disorder as much as just the holidays bummed me out. So yeah, like it's just that's why that's why so many of us Need to get the proper diagnosis and this is what you know, and here's here's a little uh, here's a little a little sass for you too Like i'm not you specifically who asked this question But like when people think that i'm diagnosing people no heck no Right because the thing is like you you talked about this lamp those of you who don't know That's a special lamp that could help a seasonal effective disorder But if you don't go out and get a proper diagnosis, you're gonna be treating the wrong thing, right? Imagine me breaking my leg and getting a brace for my arm, right? So this is why we need to get a proper diagnosis So if you if you if you have a borderline personality disorder And you're trying to trying to treat bipolar disorder. It's not gonna go very well Does that make sense? So this is why you should get a proper diagnosis But I do think that a lot of people need to start figuring out within themselves Like maybe this isn't seasonal effective disorder Maybe the holidays just kind of bummed me out because they're very they're two very different things last question Hey there. I was wondering if you do a video about donald trump's mental state. If not, that's understandable So Sure, I'll answer it like I will I will say this like I try not to get too political On my channel. I have a few times especially when it comes to like mental health and you know The stigma and medical care and all of that I will say this Something that I've noticed is that when I talk about youtubers and getting off of twitter when you're in an emotional state Because you're not using your prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for emotional regulation impulse control You know, uh all these things, right? A lot of people bring up donald trump So even though I don't know if donald trump would have any type of diagnosis or any type of personality disorder I do know that this dude likes to tweet like a mofo When he can't control his emotions or his impulses So that is my thought which I will say in a video, all right But if that if that bummed any of you out like trust me, there's a bunch of democrats who tweet out stupid stuff too All right, but anyways, thank you all so much for your questions This was a really good one. Sometimes when I do these uh patreon q and a's I don't get many questions But hey, and I actually answered every single question every single question So if you stayed here and through the whole thing kudos to you, you're amazing But again, I do these patreon q and a's and I try to answer all the questions which I was able to do today Um, because I get a lot of requests all the time. So if you want to guarantee that I answer your questions um Make sure you sign up on patreon. It's as little as a dollar a month at five dollars. You get exclusive videos Um, 10 dollars. You get like discounts 20 dollars. We do monthly group calls 30 dollars My lovely amazing talented tristan draws you a picture of 50 dollars. You get a uh one-on-one with me once a month And yeah, go just go check out the patreon and see all the different rewards and stuff like that All right, but anyways, that's all I got for this video if you like this video Please give it a thumbs up if you're new make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell And a huge thank you to all of you all of you patrons out there Love you all. Thanks for supporting the channel And here's a link for patreon right there if you want to sign up and be part of next month's q and a All right. Thanks so much for watching. I'll see you next time