 So if you've been watching my videos for the last few weeks you probably know I'm kind of addicted to a show called love is blind and if you're not familiar with the premise of the show This is a show where the reality TV show, which I'm not a big fan of To show where people are put into pods men and women are put into pods They can't see each other in these pods Because there's a barrier wall and they talk to one another getting to know each other From the blind perspective and then if there was a true connection with the other person The next step is to the man asked the woman to get engaged And if they both agree then they meet and then they eventually go on like a little mini Vacation and they have to spend three weeks together and then decide if they're going to get married and what's interesting about this show is I think there's 10 or 15 Contestants on each agenda. It's hard to figure out with the show I think there's 10 and they are Multiple communicating with many people Until they begin to narrow it down based on you know the connection that they have and then they work They basically are communicating with one or two or three people at the same time And I thought to myself and this is part and primarily the reason why I watch the show is this is no different than our current online dating Method and what I mean to say is people could be communicating with multiple people at the same time Or they could be dating multiple people at the same time because in a way in the show They are dating multiple people at the same time and When the person makes a decision to get engaged He complete that basically there's they are cut off from communication from everyone else And I feel like that's kind of what's happening in the dating realm today Is the minute the minute someone begins to engage with another person? They oftentimes cut off all their balance of their communication and this is true for men and women alike And I thought to myself well, that's almost like being ghosted You know and while on the show the the women will go tell the other women They just got engaged it still could feel like an abandonment it could feel like being discarded if you actually began to develop feelings for one of the people in the pods if you will and that's no different than ghosting today and and and I don't believe it's always Intentional from men to ghost women. I mean certainly there are Some valid reasons why someone might not continue communication with someone or might not continue to date someone But for the most part I'd say I don't believe it's totally intentional and then there are many cases where it is But it can feel like an abandonment. It could feel like you're being discarded and I think Unfortunately when we have to look at the dating marketplace today with the understanding That it's not like it used to be when we met people organically although You know, it's interesting. I'll share with you something that happened. I think I've shared this before my son had met someone at a Dance Hall if you will and he met a woman who are who we really connected with she insisted on giving his her phone number to him He followed up with a text. He followed up with a phone call He followed up with another text and basically she disengaged with him And it was kind of sad because he really thought he hit it off with her and that I can see how that kind of affected his self-esteem And that was just such a minor incident if you will and I know certainly back when my dating Experiences when I went to clubs nightclub nightclubs bars restaurants that sort of thing and I met people organically They could give your phone number and it could be a totally wrong number That affects us when that happens and it's kind of sad and we'd like to think that there is a level of civility that there is a level of care and yet Unfortunately, we have become somewhat of a disposable Society and I think we have to recognize that It's important not to get overly attached to an individual or an outcome Until we've actually to establish the deep roots of trust This is one of the things I talk about in my private coaching When I work with women one of the elements is to really focus on the deep roots of trust That need to be built to actually sustain a healthy happy Relationship and sadly the dating marketplace is more of a hook-up marketplace than ever before Because there's no real level of Commitment necessary to actually engage in a physical relationship with someone. That's right There's no level real level of commitment even, you know monogamy and exclusivity isn't that much love that isn't Much of a level of commitment because that can change at any moment You know, many of you know, I'm in a relationship now and we live together Well, that was certainly a gigantic commitment. We made to one another. We put each other on the lease Because we chose to get a separate place not where we're currently, you know, we chose not to live in either one of our current Homes It's a huge level of commitment and in that we're together because I work from home and she's retired. We're together 24 7 While I'm sharing this with you I don't really believe we truly get to know another being another human being until we actually live together and The today's dating marketplace is so drawn out and what I mean to say is if two people aren't fully Committed early on a relationship can drag out for a very long period of time In fact, you know, I recently read somewhere It takes an average of two and a half years for a man to even consider marriage Which is kind of ironic when I think of this show because they have to get married within four weeks and the other show I've been we've binged watch is called married at first sight where they have to decide if they want to stay They get married right, you know They don't meet each other until the altar and they have to decide if they want to stay married after eight weeks Yeah, did these relationships work out most of them don't it's a very low success rate But I think I would I think the advantage of watching these shows in particular is to understand the human dynamics And what it takes to create a successful relationship? It takes a level of commitment and trust it takes a love it takes good communication skills and good conflict resolution skills and a Sense of emotional maturity that you can lean into this This is why when I work with women, it's so critically important to vet for emotional maturity Because what you don't want to end up is one of these long drawn-out type of relationships that tend to go nowhere And so is it any wonder that today because we have such a disposable society that we've created this That ghosting is so prominent and yet what I've often said dating triggers the number one emotional health issue Most human beings face and that's I'm not lovable. I'm not likable. I'm not good enough It's kind of sad and and it's important to do the inner work to prepare oneself This is why I wrote my book what the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work I wrote it as a vaccination to emotional chaos and Dating triggers emotional chaos like nobody's business I think it's imperative to do the personal development self-help and spiritual work So you can stand into your power you can be in your sovereignty your self-worth your self-esteem your self-confidence because the reality is is 95 people out of a hundred you meet are probably not a good fit for a variety of different reasons But imagine the emotional wear and tear That happens if you actually met 95 people and it doesn't go anywhere This is why I'm such a big proponent of being radically honest by vetting a person before you invest too much And certainly before you invest your heart That's why I always recommend the book eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman And while it's probably designed for a younger generation of what I mean as younger people chapter one about Commitment and trust is so critically important To understand because sadly I witnessed too many women get attached to men that they barely know and then they suffer as I Said before the consequences the emotional consequences and after a while that can wear on our self-esteem And then eventually what I say really excuse me not eventually Frequently I witness women become bitter and jaded If this happens too much, I think it's really important to learn how to vet another human being Before you give your heart to them. Is this sinking in this is resonating? Please let me know All right, so you've been ghosted and the after effects. Yeah, I can wear on you But remember you are a solid human being and you have the capacity to attract an amazing relationship God universe spirit I am in a juicy delicious relationship where we have mutual chemistry together And we have the and we communicate consciously effortlessly in a free-flowing style And we can we our lives are so blendable with one another that it works with ease and we Shend our values are so aligned with one another that being together feels effortless and we have built the deep roots of trust That allows us to support a fully committed relationship together God universe spirit. I'm experiencing this now Why set it in the present tense is an invitation to lean into That space of attracting an amazing partner and knowing it when you meet this person So you don't have to be so worried about being ghosted when you are in your sovereignty your self-worth your self-esteem and your Confidence because you've done the inner work Through self-love All right, I think you get to just to where I'm going here today If you find value in the group, please tell your friends about midlife love mastery send them to my website Jonathan as a calm have them click the group coaching button so they can join our fantastic group And I'm gonna sign off this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear of self-love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn this on when a pat a teddy bear pillow and give it or that I'm a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now. Bye. Bye