 It was just announced today that actor and director Ben Affleck is going back into rehab for the second time this year and in this video we're going to talk about why he relapsed and what he's going to need to do to avoid it once he gets out. What is up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem, but focus on the solution. And if you're new to my channel, my channel is all about mental health, but it's also about addiction recovery. So in my videos sometimes I pull from pop culture and see what lessons we can learn so I can help you out with your mental health. Even if you're not a drug addict or an alcoholic, you might be able to pull some tips from this video about how to ensure good mental health. So if you're into mental health and improving yours, make sure you subscribe and ring the notification bell. I make a ton of videos, alright? So anyways, first off, obviously, I don't know Ben Affleck, alright? I'll say that, but what qualifies me to talk about this subject? Now, although I don't know all of the details, it seems like there's enough to have a rough idea about what actually happened and led to his relapse. So just so you know a little bit about me, if you're new to my channel, I just celebrated six years clean and sober. My drugs of choice, it started off with alcohol, it progressed into prescription pain medications, but I was kind of all over the place. So not only do I have six years clean and sober, but I have literally worked with thousands upon thousands of addicts and alcohols because I actually work at a dual diagnosis treatment center. We specialize in addiction as well as mental health. So we have a big facility, I work with a lot of people and something that's part of my job is I follow up with people and I help people after their relapse and it's always the same story. You always see what happens when people relapse and like you can see it coming from miles away. A lot of people who are not educated about addiction, they get surprised by relapse. But for anybody who knows about what's going on in the addict's mind and what works and what doesn't, you can see that relapse coming from a long way. So anyways, I'm going to read a section from this article from People magazine, which my beautiful girlfriend sent me. And in it, it says, while the actor 46 has been an ongoing treatment and attending meetings for alcohol addiction, his new flame Playboys May 2018 Playmate 22 told the magazine her go-to drink is whiskey all day. And she says, bourbon for sure. She added, I like whiskey and soda, which makes people cringe, but I like it. So all right, there's a couple of things here. Now, there's also a part in here where it says, you know, the last time he got out of rehab, one of his friends was saying that Ben's doing well. He's focusing a lot on his mental and physical health. He's doing yoga and he's meditating. He's going to meetings, all that kind of good stuff like that is beautiful. Okay. But part of that is, is going through the motions. All right. You're going through the motions doing what you got to do, but there's a few standout things from that section about him dating somebody. Now I don't care if she's a Playboy model or just a random woman on the street. So the first thing that we're going to talk about is that they talk about, don't date your first year. Okay. They say, don't date your first year clean. This is like one of the biggest suggestions in the world for anybody who's just getting clean and sober, but it's the least followed, right? So what you need to understand is that addiction is a disease where we get an increased flood of dopamine. All right. When you're not getting dopamine from drugs or alcohol, the next best way to get it is from love and attention and affection or sex or whatever it is. So a lot of people are gravitated towards these relationships, but here's the thing. Like staying clean and sober is hard. It is extremely hard. You got to worry about your family or in Ben Affleck's case or in my case, you got to worry about your kids. You got to worry about work. You got to worry about traffic. You got to worry about all sorts of things, friends, family members, so many things that you got to navigate. You got to navigate this mind field of all of your triggers, right? And then you throw a relationship into the mix. Like it is already hard enough to stay clean one day at a time, but think about all of the emotions that go into a relationship, right? The ups, the downs, putting this person ahead of your needs and things like that. And like in early recovery, you have to be selfish. You have to do everything for yourself and build a really strong foundation. Personally, I did not date for a year and a half after I got clean. Like, and one of the reasons I didn't date was because I was trying to date. I wanted to date, but I watched my friends and everybody around me drop like flies. Dating the first year sober is one of the leading causes of relapse. One of the leading causes. Now, I don't know if Ben Affleck and this woman had a healthy relationship. I'm not sure, but it is very hard to maintain a relationship in early recovery. This is going to transition into my next point, but when it comes to your recovery, you have to put it first. It has to come before everything, before your job, before your kids, before your friends, before your family, before your relationships. And some of you are like, what? What? That sounds crazy. Putting my relationship in front of my kids. Well, let me explain to you a little bit about my history with drugs and alcohol. Well, the last four months of my drinking and using, I wasn't even allowed to see my son. So if I don't put my recovery ahead of my son, I don't get to see my son. OK, I'm also someone who's lost dozens of jobs because of my addiction. So if I don't put my recovery ahead of my job, I will lose that job. So that's where the mindset is. All right. So one thing that we see is that people often put their relationship ahead of their recovery. So this transitions into my next point. OK, his his girlfriend, she's drinks, she drinks, she's a drinker. OK, now I'm not saying that someone who is in recovery cannot date somebody who drinks. Let me put it this way. When I got into recovery, I had to vet whoever I dated. Like I cannot date somebody who drinks like this quote says, whiskey all day. I cannot date that type of person. I cannot have it around me constantly. So my girlfriend of almost two years now, she's not a drug addict or alcoholic. Like when I first met her, like I let her know I'm in recovery, you know, and she's like, oh, that's cool. I don't really drink either. I'm like, oh, oh, are you sober too? And she's like, no, I just don't really drink. And I'm like, what? Like I didn't even know people did that, right? But no, like we've been together for almost two years. I think she's drank and like less than five times, like maybe two or three. And I think it's like around the holidays or like a friend's in town, something like that, right? So like, I knew that she was OK to date because, you know, when she comes over and we hang out, it's not like, oh, let's go out. And, you know, she's not drinking or she's not keeping alcohol here and stuff like that. So I'm very mindful of who I date. Like we we get into this idea, especially addicts and alcoholics, like, oh, my willpower is strong enough here. You can drink, right? Or you can do drugs and I'll be fine. No, if it's around you, it's very hard to do that because you're constantly like you already are obsessing about it regularly and early recovery. And then when it's in your house, it's even harder. You people will lay in bed. I know I would just knowing that alcohol or drugs is in the house. Like it is an obsession that you can't get off of your mind. Like any of you who struggle with like OCD or ADHD, it's like that obsessive where your brain is just locked in on something. So at least if Ben Affleck was by himself or not, even if he did date in his first year, even if he was dating somebody, if they didn't drink, it would be easier. You see what I mean? So like, I don't know what's going to happen with his relationship. Hopefully in rehab, somebody kicks him in the head and he realizes this. But like, you know, it doesn't matter how pretty this person is or how funny or how smart or anything like that. Like we have to put our recovery first. And unfortunately, we can't date certain people if they are drinking or abusing drugs. We just can't do it because it puts us in jeopardy. It takes people out so, so, so many times. So anyways, like, I don't know, Ben Affleck's done it before. He's been sober for a while. He knows what he has to do. So if you're watching this, if you're somebody who's relapsed and stuff like that, like, like I always tell people, like I tell people, like they, they, you know, had six months or a year or two years. I have one guy I talked to tonight. He had four years clean. And like, they get so down on themselves and beat themselves up. I'm like, that's so big. He like, you know how to stay clean for four years, whatever you did before, just do that again. And they're like, oh, oh, OK, you know, like you can do it again. Like just get back up, like, thank God you're alive. Like the new statistic, especially with opioids, like more people are dying than ever. This number is not going down. So if you relapse and you're alive, at least you have another chance at this thing. So like Jennifer Garner, you know, that after his baby mama, if you will, she she mentions like she doesn't care about the relationship. She just wants him to be healthy for their children and so they can co-parent and stuff like that. But like you kind of do have to care about that relationship. You have to kind of say like, hey, Ben, aren't you supposed to stay single for a while and focus on yourself? Like any of you out there, whether you're a drug addict or not, like a relationship is like 50 percent of who you are. You give that much of your relationship and it's 50 percent. If you're lucky, some of you out there have codependent tendencies, you're giving 98 percent to that person. You know what I mean? Like we got to focus on ourselves if we want to improve our mental health. We're not going to be of any use to any man or woman that we decide to date until we get this thing screwed on straight. You know what I mean? And I really need to get back to doing videos on relationships because I can go on and on and on. But we got to straighten up mentally before we can date anybody else or they're going to have to deal with us being unstable. Like think about Ben Affleck's girlfriend now. Like she has to deal with him going into rehab and they've been dating for five minutes. Is that fair? You know what I mean? Is it fair to date somebody when you're not even ready to date? I don't think it is. But anyways, my best wishes are with Ben. Like I know he can do this. He knows what he needs to do. Like I can't even imagine like staying clean in the public eye. Like Demi Lovato has to do now. Like I was thinking like I don't know. I don't know if like there's some like recovery support group for like famous people, but like they should really be relying on each other. Like that'd be awesome. Like I don't know. But anyways, that's all I got for you. I'd love to know your comments down below. What are your thoughts on this whole topic of relapse and recovery and dating and mental health and all that stuff? Let's have a conversation down below. All right. But anyways, that's all I got for you today. So if you like this video, please give it a thumbs up. And if you are new here, I'm always making videos to help you out with your mental and emotional well-being. Click the round subscribe button. Make sure you ring the notification bell and a huge thank you to everybody supporting the channel over on Patreon. I love you all. And if you would like to support the channel and spread this message of hope with me, go ahead and click the little Patreon icon. All right. Thanks so much for watching. Click or tap on one of those. If you want to watch some more of my content and I'll see you next time.